My boyfriends ex has been keeping their kids from him: Advice?

My boyfriend’s ex is using seeing their kids as leverage to get extra money. My boyfriend of 6months has been split up from his ex for three years; they have three beautiful kids together. The whole time they have been separated, she has made excuse after excuse why he can’t see his kids (their sick, they are having a sleepover with friends, she having a bad day, so I need them more than you do), and she always organizes their sleepover on the days he’s meant to have them. He has played nice this whole time and still paid her the child support he owes. The latest time he was meant to have them, she asked for money, and when he said no, she wouldn’t let him see the kids until he had paid up. It hurts him so badly not seeing his girls, so he paid the money, but she took it and still won’t let him see them. I’m at such a loss as to how to help him; please any advice is appreciated.


Take her back to court. Write EVERYTHING down. From texts to the meet up and phone calls. Keep a log of it by date in a notebook. This is how you can win a case and show she’s not following directions.

Take her butt to court if he has a court order he needs to get it enforced, he can ask the police to attend when he is going to pick them up or a Worker from child services. She is breaching an agreement

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriends ex has been keeping their kids from him: Advice?

Take her to court so she can’t play these mind games!


Each state has parenting guidelines. Find an attorney. If you can’t afford that, see if a local school has a student law team that’s willing to help. Or seek a moderator instead to file something with the court. Once it’s court ordered for parenting time or visitation if she breaks it, she’s in contempt and can/will go to jail.

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He needs to be a dick to her since she wants to be a bitch to him. Tell court she’s constantly going against the plans!

Start screenshotting everything and recording all conversations and take her to court


Stay out of it. It’s their kids. Next time only give up the money at the exchange. Any input from a third party will make it a lot harder for him and the kids.

Honestly you should stay out of it. You’re the girlfriend

If he has paying child support visitation should already be set. If she isnt following take her to court!


Court. If child support is court ordered, generally visitation is too. If visitation is not ordered, get it. If she doesn’t let the kids go with him on his days, call the police. Police can’t do anything but it’s documented so he can take her back to court, she eventually has to comply


Parenting Plan through the court and ask for A Guardian ad litem (lawyer that represents the children) this way the children have a say in things.

File a contempt of court against her. Visitation rights don’t suspend even if child support isn’t being paid.


Shed be seeing him in court.

If there is a visitation court order set, she is in contempt of court. She can and will go to jail for it. Child support and visitation is 2 completely separate Items in a court


File contempt if its court ordered, if its not then file paperwork to get visitation.

Honestly i would stop playing nice and take it the legal root. He needs to establish with the courts so next time she tries this he can show it to the courts. Keep all communication with her through text or email for documentation. His relationship with his kids is too important to keep being nice to her. She obviously does not care if she hurts him by using them so he needs to stop caring about her feelings to an extent. I have been through this myself and know from experience

Goto court. File for joint custody. That’s the only way he’s gonna get his kids on a schedule.

One word COURT, and you mentioned that he pays child support. Not assuming anything but was that ordered by a court? If so then he should have his attorney handle it.


Have him go to the nearest courthouse and ask for a parenting plan kit. Have him fill it out and submit it, then someone will serve her and ask for a response. If she doesn’t respond in a timely manner he will be awarded what he asks for. At least this is my experience in WA State.
Judges highly frown on parents who keep their children from seeing their other parent.

I have been going through something somewhat similar with my boyfriend and his daughters mother, she made us jump through multiple hoops with court dates and meeting with facilitators and whatnot.

Time to go to court!!


Best advice I can give you as i hey there before. Stay out of it. Let them sort it out

Don’t get involved, period. Let them handle it. Honestly, you might be trying to help him, but in the end, you’ll more n likely get blamed. Just support him.


Take it to court. Mandatory visitation, if she can’t produce the kids on his days she gets in trouble.


COURT! Keep all documentation & text and everything.

These dads and mom’s who aren’t allowed to see their kids due to the other being petty, need to go to court. You can get visitation rights and days and times in writing. In my state, idk about others you can go up to the court house, fill out the paper, pay the filing fee and put on who needs to be at court as well, and the judge will see you and either ok the days and times you’re asking or not ok and if not, go back again

You need advice to tell him to take her to COURT?

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Why not go to Court have his child support taken out of his checks and have the visits ordered by the courts. If she doesn’t do what court says she runs the risk of going to jail. You don’t want the mother of your kids going to jail but it will make things easier. Sad but true.

Go to court, because it’s illegal to keep the child away from the other parent without proof saying they’re a danger to themselves or to others, I’ve filed for child support with my daughter’s dad, the judge pretty much ruled the both of us do follow the guildlines, including the visitation time and days, the more games she pulls record it and it’ll help your case and she can be in contempt

Court. Visitation n child support are 2 different things. One can’t be used towards the other so court is the best way. Get EVERYTHING in writing.


If there is a court order for scheduled visitation and she’s not following it she can be in violation of a court order. Document every incident. And it doesn’t matter if he pays child support or not. Child support does not and can not be used as a excuse for not following a court order and can’t be used as a basis for determining visitation, it’s actually illegal for a judge to do so.


File contempt of court if there is a custody and visitation and support agreement. And he is not obligated to pay extra, that’s what she gets support for. My husband pays 880 a month and his ex tried that, the judge told her no! The support he pays is for your child so if you want extra money for parties etc, either you pay it or use the support given, but you cannot and will not be allowed to with hold your son from his father because you want more.

He needs to get lawyer and go to family court. I seen family court judges dig into mothers like her. If she don’t follow the order she will be held in contempt and can receive jail time. support court put visitation in the order but don’t enforce it.

The best thing you can do is mind your own business. You will only make it messier by getting involved. If mom is as spiteful as you report she may really take it to the edge with “the next woman” telling her what to do or meddling in her children’s visitation.

Stay out of it.

Empathize with boyfriend and offer him your support. That’s about it

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Court. The state I live in (OK) if the parents aren’t married mother automatically is custodial parent a d father has to petition the courts for visitation

Court… if there’s court order visits take her to court for contempt. Judge will tell her either he sees them or you go to jail for 30 days then he can go after full custody

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Does he document all of this and take her to court for contempt? If the answer is no then he don’t give a shit


I would definitely stay out of it. He’s a grown ass man and you never know what her side of things are.

I’m gone through the same type stuff with my kids pay child support that is ordered by the court but if she doesn’t show with kids file a report stating that she doesn’t allow the court ordered visitation take her to court she will be held in contemp unfortunately here in Georgia there isn’t financial aid in this get a lawyer if you have it if not do like I have file with out one take her to court with your evidence you will get your visitation don’t give up the kids need their dad just as much as they need their mother

  1. Paying child support that he owes is not being nice it’s called a financial obligation to his children when he chose to create them.

  2. Stop whining on Facebook have your boyfriend be a man go to court get a parenting plan and the next time she denies and visitation for any reason he can call the cops and say that she is violating the order and she can get in trouble for that

  3. It could have something to do with you being in their business y’all are not married these are not your children

Keep all messages don’t communicate over a phone and take it all to a lawyer and take her to court for contact order.

Paying maintenance and contact are two Separate matters and shouldn’t be used as a reason to stop contact.

Don’t get yourself involved with the ex be there to help and support him only

This happened to my son till a lawyer stepped in. Now she will go to jail if the child is not ready to go when he picks her up.

Go to court. Obviously there is a court mandated arrangement if he’s paying child support and they’re the only ones that can do something to make sure he gets his visits and doesn’t have to pay more than what they said.

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If she refuses to hand over the children have him call the local police. They can assist in a transfer of kids if it is being denied. Also take her back to court for being in default of the custody agreement.

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I know it must be frustrating to watch this but 1) you have only been on the scene 5 minutes. 2) he should be the one writing this, not you. 3) HE needs to take her to court for a shared care plan.

I can only speak from experience tread lightly I’m not saying everyone situation is the same but my ex and I had the same issue with his daughters mother and I was by his side trying to help him to get more visitation get things put in order and then we got pregnant four years later and we didn’t last our son is now five and everything I tried to help him with against his daughters mother he is now using against me in the fight for our son and he still has zero visitation with his daughter so I just warn people to tread lightly and help from a distance if you can six months is not that long no offense but anything could happen

Word of advice stay out of it. Yalls relationship is too new for you to be involved with those matters. Family court exist for a reason if he really wants to be in their life he will utilize his legal parental rights

2 sides to every story im sure men are good at playing the victim as well


Only way to handle shared parenting when one doesn’t want to share and be civil is court. As long as he does what he needs to then the court should have no problem giving him set days to have his kids.

Court order and stick too it

Every state is different.
So what you want to do is have him look at the laws in your state .
Then if he went to court and has to pay child support and has to get the kids.
And she isn’t letting him.
What lawyer he used back then
Have him call that lawyer and see what the lawyer has to say.
He might have to take her back to court .
Have him keep records of all the money he gives her.
And never give her cash.
Always do a check or money order.
Cash can’t be proven, checks and money orders can.
And if he record’s her , he has to let her know he is doing it each time they talk.
Because if not she can say he didn’t tell her and it might get throwing out of court.

If there are court documents stating he has visitation rights and she is keeping them from him she is in violation of the court order. He definitely needs to keep documentation of each time she denies him visitation with his children. Just don’t get personally involved because that can cause more harm than good.

Go to court get a order and hd her accountable if she doesn’t follow order. If he is doing everything hes supposed and actively trying to see his kids the courts Will definitely be abl to get it legally and force her to let him have access

That’s why he needs to petition for visitation…very simple. Then he can report her when she violates and order.

Firstly NEVER EVER EVER GIVE TO OERSON CASH. ALWAYS ALWAYS HAVE A PAPER TRAIL. Secondly ONLY EVER TEXT OR EMAIL. Thirdly I know this will hurt all of you except this selfish &%$#@ GET YOURSELF INTO MEDIATION after you have a month or 6 weeks if documentation.
Most people don’t want to harm the psyche of the children, however if he has visitation in writing the police can go there with him and demand the children.

Take it to court… If any of the conversations happened threw text save it all… If visitation and child support are in place she is violating the visitation order…

Take it to court get it court ordered for him to see them if she doesn’t then take her back for breaking the order. If she wants help with money go through childsupport it’s a set amount and if that’s not enough for her then oh well don’t give her money out of pocket if he needs to get the kids anything don’t give her money directly go by it himself :woman_shrugging:

Def take her to court. In the meantime… Is there a court order for visitation? If yes then call the cops and let them know you are scheduled per court order to have your kids and she isnt complying. If there isnt a court order in place, Is he listed on their birth certificates? If he is then he can pick his children up whenever he would like. Possession is 9/10 of the law.

I’m a ex who has been split up for 6 month my ex is also telling everyone I’m witholding the kids he doesn’t pay support I have offered over 27 visits every ones refused he doesn’t ask about them or ever agree to see them. We are in court because he took me claiming I’m holding them which isn’t the case his girlfriend if a few months also believes this bullshit… I wouldn’t get involved honestly it’s up to him

Not your business, stay out of it.

If that ur man of only six month make sure he telling you the truth because men tend to lie to their new gf…


3 words GO. TO. COURT.


Take her ass to court!!! She is legally not aloud to do that!!! Regardless of what’s happened between them, she has to let him see his children unless she has a legit reason that she can present to the court as to why she’s not letting that happen :woman_shrugging:t5:

None of your business…stay out of it or you’ll make it worse by pissing her off.

Don’t get in the middle of their issue He should already know what to do if the child support is court ordered he needs to go to court and let the judge know she isn’t allowing him to see his kids and that extra money he is paying isn’t being recognized by the court it’s just considered a gift.

Ima just say it…has nothing to do with you. Stay out of it. If it bothers him enough then he can do something about it. Only 6 months…not your business and honestly you may just make it worse

Document and taken her ass to court. That’s contempt. Assuming there is a custody arrangement through the courts already…

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He needs to go to court

If there is a court order stating his possession rights/days and she’s not abiding, then take her to court for contempt of a court order

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Go to court!!! He is their dad and he does have rights!!!

He needs to go to court and have a visitation/custody schedule drawn up. If she doesn’t abide by it he can then take her back to court for violation of said order and she can be charged with contempt.

I honestly don’t think it’s your place to be involved in this when you have only been with him for 6 months. It sounds like alot more is going on then what you are being told :woman_shrugging:

There’s nothing you can do, he just has to go get court ordered visits.

  1. Don’t get involved. 2. Have a talk with him and suggest taking her to court. Suggest that he document and record everything between them. He has to be the one to make the decision not you. Tell him no matter what he chooses you will support him. Don’t get caught in the cross fire. Dont start off by saying since she wont let you see them instead say. I see how much it is hurting you not being able to see your kids, have you thought about going back to court so it doesn’t come off as ur trying to get in the middle or start something.

Shouldn’t take three years to realize he needs to take her to court if he wants to see his kids regularly. :roll_eyes: I’d take that lady to court the first week of dealing with that BS.

Definitely go get some legal advice about the situation, the ex has no right refusing him seeing the kids,

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im willing to bet he hasnt rememberd their existance this entire 3 yrs and is tryin to see them now to impress you, thrs prolly way more to it and hes lying.


Sounds like she’s money hungry and you guys need to go to court…

I have a daughter-in-law who plays games with her baby daddy scheduling all kinds of appointments when he’s supposed to have her she a control freak chose your partner wisely people get upset when you use these type of words but if only I would have listened things might be have been different

I think it’s none of Ur business duno y Ur on FB trying to get help get him to go to court it’s not rocket science


Don’t get involved especially if you just got with him…
He needs to go to court to get it legally taken care of if it’s not already done…

Parenting plan. Get one.

Legal Help :heart: Blessings upon you always God Loves you

Take her to court and record everything. Texts, calls. Everything


Go to court!! Simple why is this even a question for fb :rofl::woman_facepalming:


You can’t help him, it’s his battle, and you’ve only known him for 6 months. You gotta let him figure it out. I’ve been there - except, the mom and his kids live in Japan. She has given him such a hard time for years, but I really couldn’t help him either, and I work in the legal field. Eventually she gave in and let the kids come to the US, he convinced her to give herself a break, but she and I have no quarrel because I understand it’s not my battle, they just have to learn some trust at some point.
But for your guy, I mean, do you know the custody status? Do you know why she doesnt trust him?

Let him deal
With his kids mum if she’s using them against him she jealous boo don’t get involved in it as she’ll always win period


6 months? Fall back mind your business. Play you position.


You don’t know him enough yet to be on his side gf


If its court ordered he needs to take her back.

I was in a very familiar situation years ago…

Does he have a custody order? If not he needs a lawyer and get an order. If she breaks the order they go to court and she could be fined each time. Make sure he is keeping notes of all of this.

Get a custody or visitation order. It’s that simple


If he was that worried get a lawyer…visitation pick ups at court

Well… the money is been handing to her is considered a gift if it’s not going through the child support office. So 1. Stop handing her money. But if the kids need something buy that something and give it to them, don’t deny the kids what they need. But all money has to go through the child support office. If she’s used her weekly or money cs money they will not give her more outside of her scheduled payment dates. But as for the money handed to the mother of the children, chalk that up it won’t hold nothing in court. It’ll be considered a gift. 2. The father should take her to court and get a visitation agreement if one is not in place right now. If one is in place save all messages and print them off for the judge to see he’s been asking for his visits and being denied for various reasons. 3. Make suggestions to the boyfriend, support the boyfriend but do not assert yourself into this issue. 6 months is not a long time. He could absolutely be lying or she could absolutely be the insane baby momma or maybe it’s both… men switch up when it benefits them and only them.

If they have a custody agreement, I’d call the cops.


Well damn, I didn’t know there were SO MANY TRASH A** FEMALES ON HERE. :woman_facepalming: Some of these comments are so ugly.

And this is what Facebook and social media turned in to someone ask for help advice and a bunch of grown ass adults jump on like a bunch of sad kids grow up for God sake she asked advice to help her partner not to be judge just sick

Court or just leave it in time the kids will see the good and bad. With me and my husband and his ex we never gave into her bs make the ex know she can’t win