QUESTION:
"My new boyfriend and I have been dating for six months. He and his ex-fiancé broke up about ten months before we started dating; they were together for seven years. His sister has recently invited him and his ex to a family event, and I got excluded. She says she’s my friend. But I feel betrayed. And emotionally not fine with it. It feels like a stab in the heart knowing that she was picked to join a family function and exclude me. Although I’m the current girlfriend, and she and he do have no contact whatsoever. I just need some advice or words of wisdom."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
"I hope they are not excluding you and are just presuming that you will attend with your boyfriend. I get 7 years is a long time, his sister and family can include her all they want, but need to leave him out of whatever it is, or also include you too if that is the case. It's disrespectful to you and alls relationship. Bottom line, if you can not attend then he shouldn't want to attend without you. If he is willing to go without you with the ex being there, then there's an even bigger issue."
"It’s fine they invited her bc I’m sure there is still some kind of connection….it wouldn’t be fine if he actually went to an event where you were excluded…"
"Your man should be talking to his family and tell them he's inviting you. If they can invite so can he it's a family event and means everyone is bringing someone so he can bring you. Now if he says no on that part then run because then there's a reason he doesn't want you to go.I get that they built a relationship with her 7 years a long time so of course, she's invited but they should invite you as well.He needs to have your back."
"Is she just assuming you’ll be coming with her brother? Or is it by specific invite-only? And has he said anything about it? Maybe take these factors into consideration."
"I can understand why she was invited. If they were together for 7 years, chances are, some of his family still has a relationship with her, which is understandable, depending on the reason that they split. As for you being excluded, that’s where your boyfriend needs to speak up. He needs to make it clear that he is with you and that you should be included anytime he is. Unless of course, your relationship isn’t that serious. It really depends on the situation."
"I’d ask my boyfriend could I go with him. Whatever he says, move accordingly. They have 7 years of history with this person and only 6 months with you. Your boyfriend has to respect y’all relationship, but his family built their own bonds with her."
"I think your boyfriend should not attend either. He needs to stand up for you and let them know if your not welcome he will not attend. It sounds like you are adult enough not to create and disturbances that would embarrass yourself or your boyfriend and if they can't invite you both then they are in the wrong."
"This is a perfect opportunity for your boyfriend to show his family what a man he is by standing up for you and telling them he can not attend without you by his side and furthermore that the ex should not have been invited. If he can’t do that I would lose all respect for him."
"If you want this relationship to last, communicate with your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel. His response and the way he deals with the situation will give you a little more insight. If he shrugs off your feelings or becomes defensive, those are some red flags. Not just about the ex but about how he may handle your feelings in the future. Good luck."
"That's not ok at all. I understand them inviting her if the separation was mutual and everyone is on good terms still feel like she's family. But to exclude you is incredibly insulting and your boyfriend needs to say something."
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