My boyfriends ex was invited to his family get together and I wasn't: Advice?

My new boyfriend and I have been dating for six months. He and his ex-fiancé broke up about ten months before we started dating; they were together for seven years. His sister has recently invited him and his ex to a family event, and I got excluded. She says she’s my friend. But I feel betrayed. And emotionally not fine with it. It feels like a stab in the heart knowing that she was picked to join a family function and exclude me. Although I’m the current girlfriend, and she and he do have no contact whatsoever. I just need some advice or words of wisdom.

185 Likes

This is where your boyfriend is going to have to step up and talk to his family about boundaries. At the same time it sounds that you’re going to have to respect the fact that his family has a close relationship/bond with the ex. It’s seven years so she might see her as another sister or his parents as a daughter since they’ve seen her grow up along with your bf. If they choose to do things with her because of friendship then it is their choice but family functions are different especially if you and your boyfriend are going to be present, again, it’ll have to be something that your bf will have to bring up. If it continues then send a clear message by your bf and you not showing up if she’s there. If the ex-fiance has children with him then she’ll be around always. It’s been almost 2 years and my ex’s families still invites me places and offers to buy me things but I refuse most time and just drop off my kiddo with them and pick him up after they’ve had their time with him.

It’s one thing for her to invite the ex, which is still disrespectful even if they are friends because she knows her brother has moved on to someone new and that you should be included as the current love interest. But it’s another that you were not invited at all. That’s wrong on many levels. I personally as the ex would not have showed up because no self respecting female will flaunt herself as the dumped old gf …and your boyfriend should have declined to show up if you weren’t included. It’s his job to protect you, it’s their job to respect his protection and wishes.

Yeah this is something that you’re going to need you and your boyfriend to address w his family together so that you can fully express how this made you feel without it seeming confrontational. Definitely not cool, 100% disrespectful and kinda shows how they feel about you, doesnt it?
a boundary was crossed and an apology is owed.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriends ex was invited to his family get together and I wasn't: Advice?

I’d definitely talk to the boyfriend about this. That is not ok

15 Likes

Why family continues to include exes at events is beyond me. It’s disrespectful and wrong. I’d be having a huge talk with her and your bf or your boyfriend shouldn’t even go.

33 Likes

Your boyfriend should not go

15 Likes

Not cool. Sure they developed a relationship with her for those 7 years but HELLLLL no.
And tbh your man is wrong for not standing by you or speaking up on his own. People will say to talk to your boyfriend, but he shouldn’t have to be TOLD.

20 Likes

Be like bitch bye and your family :family_man_woman_boy: go invite your ex :roll_eyes:see how they respond to it

That’s not ok at all. I understand them inviting her if the separation was mutual and everyone is on good terms still feel like she’s family. But to exclude you is incredibly insulting and your boyfriend needs to say something.

10 Likes

Did your boyfriend go?? As he shouldn’t or just take you along with him!

2 Likes

Eek. That is super bogus of the sister

3 Likes

Boyfriends responsibility to address this with his family.
And there is no way in hell he should be attending without you.

21 Likes

Only person you should be blaming is him. He’s allowing it….

6 Likes

I can understand why she was invited. If they were together for 7 years, chances are, some of his family still has a relationship with her, which is understandable, depending on the reason that they split. As for you being excluded, that’s where your boyfriend needs to speak up. He needs to make it clear that he is with you and that you should be included anytime he is. Unless of course your relationship isn’t that serious. It really depends on the situation.

12 Likes

He shouldnt go
You need to tell him how u feel
He needs to tell them that is not okay
If hes okay with it then LEAVE

And take this as a eye opener if u decide to stay w him, to not trust his family

1 Like

He better not go without you and let it be known to the family!

6 Likes

I mean if the sister invited his ex they have a bond. They became friends. I don’t think that has anything to do with you. Maybe you don’t have to be invited because they assumed you were already coming?

4 Likes

Also did he go? He needs to say if she not allowed neither am I

Do they have kids? That might make a difference. I am always invited to my exs family events. However, we have 3 kids together. The continue to see me as family

Also, u would assume you’re invited with your bf unless they said you can’t go.

You and your BF need to draw boundaries about this. While it’s understandable if his sister is still friends with her, it’s unacceptable if you’re not invited.

You should go with him or don’t allow him to go without you. What he does thereafter should show you exactly what kind of man he really is.

2 Likes
  1. Go with him. 2. He shouldn’t go anywhere you aren’t allowed vise versa.
1 Like

if your boyfriend was invited so were you unless they explicitly said dont bring gf

4 Likes

I’d talk to him about it. If she’s there, you should be too

Wow. I have similar things going on with my husband’s family. I’m sorry. He needs to address the situation.

1 Like

sounds like a sit up

If he loves you, he won’t let you be in that situation

1 Like

Dump the boyfriend :woman_shrugging:

Your boyfriend should be the one to make a stand and tell his sister to include you or exclude him. My husband would…

2 Likes

Run as far as you can. Sorry but this is wrong and she knew what she was doing. It’s not right and you know it.

If he goes,?ditch him!

You haven’t been dating that long, so I can understand that they may not know you well. They probably don’t want any friction with the both of you (you and ex-fiancé) there. He should absolutely go and spend time with his family, but have a talk about things like this.

3 Likes

Um your bf should’ve said you needed to be invited an if not he wasn’t going…fine if ex n him are friends n just friends then no reason you shouldn’t be invited :woman_shrugging: so makes ya think is there really no contact between them n the family knows something you dont…I myself wouldn’t stand for it…kick em to curb now before to involved n wanted time

2 Likes

Your boyfriend shouldn’t go. I get 7 years is along time but that’s his family and she should not be invited anymore. I have many questions lol main one though is Who told you she was invited?

3 Likes

I agree with the majority. He should say something. With that said…she was a part of the family for a long time. There is a lot of information that might be relevant as to why his family has continued to have her at family events and why he isn’t saying anything.

3 Likes

Wow he should say no. This is so wrong. Sounds like she wants to them to get back together

1 Like

He needs to address it

2 Likes

If he attends ???hes been contacting her ok love is blind ?u put ur cards on the table quickly 3in a relationship is not food 4 love :heart::broken_heart:

1 Like

You shouldn’t be excluded because he should be bringing you regardless if he doesn’t take you then dump him

2 Likes

If he attends say Goodbye :wave:t2:

4 Likes

I don’t blame you for being hurt. I would wait and see if your boyfriend goes to this event without you or speaks to his family and insists on bringing you.
How he handles this and what he does should help you decide if you want to move forward with him. Watch wisely.

2 Likes

This hurt my heart for you. Not ok at all. If he cares about you he wouldn’t want to see you hurt.

1 Like

Your boyfriend shouldn’t have gone.

2 Likes

Its up to your boyfriend to put his foot down, stand up for you and put his sister in her place. If he doesn’t, well then you need to move on. Because it will only be the first of many disrespects.

3 Likes

Your boy needs to be a MAN and put his foot down and not allow that.

Maybe they just assumed you would be coming with him and but she would need a personal invite because hes not with her

4 Likes

So two ways to look at it get over it it’s a day and like you said they don’t communicate so you shouldn’t have anything to worry about and you’re going to stress yourself out, or stress yourself out and blow up his phone the whole time and make yourself appear to be that type of gf it’s your choice

1 Like

If he wants to go then you load up and go too. That’s just straight disrespect I don’t care if the sister is friends with the girl or not. Who I’m with is with me and I’d be damned if my current SO went anywhere that included an ex, no matter how long they were together. Sorry but no.

1 Like

Honestly I’d just test the loyalty an let him go it’s his family’s function maybe it’s because they don’t know you like that :woman_shrugging:t3:

Maybe they just assumed that you would be attending with him and didn’t need a separate invite?

6 Likes

Totally inappropriate. He should not go if she’s going and he should stand up for you and tell his family that it’s wrong.

4 Likes

If he wouldn’t call his sister to find out what’s up and why … I’d tell him bye…. Or call her up yourself….
Something isn’t right

2 Likes

Do they have kids together? In which case, it makes sense of they’re amicable. But he should tell his family to include you too, that you can be adults and get along.

2 Likes

Let me tell you family function or not I’d be expressing how I feel to him and if he choose to still go I’d be wild and his shit would be by the door… bye bye boy

1 Like

Been there, it’s disrespectful to you and his relationship, he needs to address it to his sister. They may always have a relationship with her because she was part of their family for years, but there’s a time and place for everything. It’s just wrong

4 Likes

Your boyfriend shouldn’t have put you in this situation, first of all. If they are just friends i don’t see any reason for you not to be there. Tell your boyfriend that this bothers you, find out his opinion about this. If he were you in this situation how would he have felt?

Everyone’s answer is wrong… If you feel threaten by her then that’s a personal issue… But if you trust him you wouldn’t be worried. A relationship ain’t shit without trust.

Trust goes along ways…its his family so he should make an appearance the ex should kindly decline the invite…the bf could always just take you it may just be assumed you will be there also…maybe see what his attitude of it all is…granted history there…do they have kids together?

2 Likes

Tell your bf to man up. If he doesn’t bring you and attends, is that a relationship you really want to be in? If you allow him to not think about your feelings than he will continue

6 Likes

Would be nice if your boyfriend said he is not going without you!

8 Likes

Well now u kno how important u really are plus she was engaged to him im. Sure they have attachments u will never understand

1 Like

If they have kids together…its something that you are gonna have to get used too, if they don’t have kids together then yes you have every right to be pissed. If they have kids together then this is something they need to work out together because this is rude not to include you

Your boyfriend should put a stop to that shit and not only tell his family to uninvite her but also not go. Unacceptable and extremely shitty of his sister. She wants to stay friends with her fine, but she’s not family. Period

Did they specifically say you couldn’t go? Or did you just not get an invite? If it is the latter I would assume that you were invited as your bfs current plus 1

2 Likes

Do they have kids together?

First of all, if there’s a no contact order, they should not be around or near each other at all that’s a violation of it.

2 Likes

That a red flag right there that he wouldn’t stand up for you to come to the gathering. What is wrong that you not invited?? So tell him to man up or leave him.because it may happen again in the future. I am just saying .

6 Likes

In a situation like this I would say try Jesus because if the ex is friends with the sister and she is already in good with the family then she 9 time’s out of 10 is going to be at their family functions or think of it like this if the shoe was on the other foot what would you do if you were friends with someone and you started talking to their brother but thing’s didn’t work out between you and him but you are still in good with the family would you have gone or another scenario would be what if you were the sister who’s feelings would you put first?

I think it’s too soon to have you invited, 6 months doesn’t compare to 7 years, maybe they need more time to include you in the family plans, they obviously built something special with the ex, it’s not ok that they invited her though, but did your boyfriend know that they had invited his ex?

Kick him out as you tell him that he cheats

2 Likes

No boyfriend is going to give up his family for a girlfriend.

If he goes without you I’d break up with him period cause he will be choosing his sister and ex over you! That is not ok!

He should have told his sister no. His sister saying she’s your friend is wrong, no friend would bring a partners ex around. Your boyfriend should be saying/doing something about it and if he doesn’t, there’s your answer.

7 Likes

The exact same happened to me when I was with my ex. They planned a girls week, my exs mom, sister, aunt, and female cousins. They invited the ex wife before me and never offered to invite me. I felt totally betrayed but just kept it to myself. I think that was the worst decision bc I held such animosity towards them all after that. We split and now I don’t have to deal with being excluded.

Leave. Legit throw away this whole relationship - it’s headed nowhere pleasant.
Your man is pathetic for not standing up for you and at the very least insisting you be there.
Also If you stay the rest of your relationship will be hearing his sister and mom mention his ex who realistically they never should’ve stayed friends with in the first place
Sounds like the entire family has no sense of loyalty
Peace out now when it’s only been a few months it’ll be easier then 4 years later

2 Likes

I get after 7 years the ex is part of the family. However for respect you, your boyfriend, and your relationship you should also be included.
If I were you I would have a talk with my boyfriend have him go back to family & include yo or him not go. When I 1st read your post my thought was the sister is trying to get the ex and your boyfriend back together sorry.

1 Like

Did they specifically say you were not invited, if not they should assume hes going to bring you. If so then he should definitely be saying something to them as to why.

Your man should have spoken up for you. Now he looks like a coward. If the family is inconsiderate towards you, you need to think about what you’re getting yourself into. Hope this helps, but it’s time to bite the bullet and make some hard choices for yourself. Peace and courage I wish you.

1 Like

Did they say you couldn’t go or they assumed you’d come with him? Some just assume. A lot do actually. If the family is still good with her and they want her there that’s not a problem. Just because she’s an ex doesn’t mean that she’s cut off from seeing people she’s close to. Now the contact order should be addressed with his family, whatever the reasons maybe for that. He needs to address that with them, not you.

My opinion would be that if he was invited, you’re invited by default. Your boyfriend needs to mitigate

1 Like

Kick him to the curb.

Be an adult. Communicate to him and his family how it makes you feel. If it continues leave because no one wants that kind of negativity in their life long term!

Hmm… that’s when your BF needs to step up and say he wants you at his sisters house, not the ex. And the sister needs to respect his and your relationship, a sister should always have her brothers back when having a new relationship. It’s fine that the sister is still friends with the ex, that shouldn’t be a big deal, but this is partly your boyfriends fault too.

4 Likes

He should not go either. You should be upset. She is not a friend.

1 Like

This is a situation that he needs to correct now. If the boundaries aren’t set soon by him then they’re never going to respect you and it will be harder to correct in the future.

If he cares about you, he won’t let this slide by.

2 Likes

Elizabeth Ho :unamused: us lol

If you have already met the family, I would be mad. If you haven’t yet, then maybe they think it’s too soon. While it’s weird they invited the ex, if the sister is friends with her and it’s at the sisters house, she technically has the right to invite anyone. It is rude of the sister to purposefully exclude you if you had already met. Has the sister straight up said you can’t come, or did she not think to invite you because she assumed you’d be the plus one? There’s more information needed to form a full opinion on this

Well, tell him that he ain’t to go if she goes and if he does and she is there then you know where you stand. You cannot control other peoples decisions (ex and family) but you can control your relationship and if he decides the family gathering with ex over your wishes then say goodby girl because you deserve better :kissing_heart: maybe ask the sister why she was and you weren’t? Nothing wrong with being upfront. Don’t hold in your concerns! Voice them :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

3 Likes

Theyre already favorite-ing the ex.

1.) So your boyfriend needs to sit it out and you guys do something together away from the family…

When they ask why he didn’t come , he needs to say, “im not going anywhere where my girlfriend isn’t invited. She shouldn’t be excluded. If you exclude her, exclude me too”

2.) GO ANYWAY. let your boyfriend stand up for you and stand your ground. Hug and kiss your man and live life normally. The ex will be bothered enough to not come the next time im sure. :woman_shrugging:

4 Likes

If he went to it without you and his ex is going too . His sister would no longer be my friend no would he .
Move on he would not or should allowed his sister to pull this on you .

7 Likes

The boyfriend should tell his sister that unless my girlfriend is invited I will not attend . The sister should be ashamed of herself as she surly would not like her brother to marry a woman he does not truly love and she should not invite the X to the party !

2 Likes

As hard as this may be for you to hear or understand, he was with her for 7 years. If the family was close with her and didn’t consider her no longer family when they broke up and still invite her there isn’t much you can do as that is their choice and feelings. When my sister got a divorce from my BIL my family didn’t divorce him and still invited him to functions. Although we also invited his new gf and obviously my sister’s bf is she had one. Instead of voicing your thoughts to strangers why not just talk to your bf about it. Maybe he isn’t ready for you to meet the family cause really it has only been 6 months.

4 Likes

I’d tell him that if u sont go he shouldn’t be especially with his ex or u leave and as for the sister being ur so called friend she isnt a friend she wants them back togerher

What’s your commitment level? Love? Still just playing around? Non exclusive? Going to the chapel and you’re gonna get married?

He shouldn’t show up. He should spend the day with you. He can see his relatives another time when the ex is not there. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it

3 Likes

This is a girlfriend of only 6 months. His sister has to take photos and probably thinking about the possibility of this girlfriend not being around long. She didn’t mention kids but if the ex and her boyfriend have kids, the sister wanting her there makes sense. There isn’t enough information but he shouldn’t miss his sister’s event over immaturity. 7 years is a long time to know someone and to just drop them because her brother is no longer dating her is kinda petty. You have the man. Just ask if you can go as well as his plus 1.

1 Like

Kick him to the curb. Or just show up to the event.

the boyfriend needs to stand up for you here. My bf would flip out

3 Likes