My child refuses to tell me they love me: What can I do?

feel kinda like I failed…my 6 year old refuses to tell me he loves me or goodnight before bed…did i do something wrong? what can I do to make him say it to me?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My child refuses to tell me they love me: What can I do?

He will come around and come to you when you pull back and give him space

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I mean, you can’t force someone to say that they love you.
Look for other ways that they may be expressing it. If they are feeling forced, it may push them away more

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Just continue to say it yourself without a return.

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I think some kids are just programmed differently.
Doesn’t mean you did anything wrong at all.

And honestly, verbal communication may NOT be your child’s love language.
Look for it in other things - do they make you artwork? Do they give you gifts, such as rocks from a walk? Do they let you in on something special to them?

Sometimes children communicate in a whole other way from an adult and you have to look for that form of communication also.

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Well in my opinion “Good Night” is a form of manners. If you don’t show manners, there will be consequences

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It’s a phase all kids go through it give him space

Maybe that is not his love language. Learn his love language and see if that how he lets you know he loves you.

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My son was like this when he was younger. He is now 14 and tells me he loves me and shows me affection all the time, even in front of peers. Make sure your boy knows you love him and eventually he will tell you, but I’m sure you don’t need him to validate his feelings. He most likely shows you that he loves you in other ways

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My daughter is like that some nights as well. It depends on her mood when it’s bed time. Don’t read too much into it, I know it can hurt your feelings sometimes but you have to remember they’re little and still have a lot to learn about their emotions as well as others. Whenever my daughter doesn’t say I love you at night, I look back on the day and realize she’s said it a few times randomly, or just her actions say it without words.

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You can’t make him and it could be just a little boy phase especially if he’s just started school, just don’t force it maybe slack off on how much you tell him you love him boys are just different about feelings the girls .

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Just keep telling him you love him and don’t pressure him. Let it go. He will say it when he wants to. Plus then it will be from the heart not just because you asked him to. And just so you know, Your baby boy DOES LOVE YOU. It just a phase k. Let it go, keep loving him and let him know you love him and are proud of him. Hang in there Momma! Sending some love and hugs!!! :heart:

Consistency. Set up a routine with him and say it to him every night. Can’t be inconsistent with a child and expect them to know when to say it.

My 8 year old daughter doesn’t say it. She’s not a verbal love expresser she shows it with hugs etc. I know she loves her mama I don’t need words to ensure my children love me.

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We don’t say I love you to get an I love you :woman_shrugging:
He’s the child. Just keep showing him love and expressing it naturally and don’t worry about it. It’s just a phase.

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I feel you mama. My 6yo used to say I love you to me everyday and now when I say it he doesn’t really say it. But I won’t force him to

My6 year old doesn’t like to tell me either. He says it’s embarrassing

My son doesn’t say I love you, only on the very odd occasion. I always tell him I love him if he says it awesome if not oh well I know he loves me he always gives me a hug when ever I ask for one. He’s also very selective who he hugs. His grandparents very rarely get a hug. I’ve never pushed it on him to hug anyone he doesn’t want to or isn’t comfortable with even if it is a family member. We just do a first bump or high five, down low too slow.

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Tbh, this is kind of a thing you’ll get used to eventually (hopefully). I don’t remember the last time my son said he loves me. He does, but he just doesn’t say it. Some kids aren’t big fans of verbal affection, but there are many ways kids should love. They may hug, draw a picture, ask to take pictures with you… there are many ways to express love and not everyone will express it the same way.

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stop trying to force it.

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Hes a child. Come on

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Yes you are too much expectation and need of validation. Needy parent are cringe to kids.

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Probably a faze my son hated saying please I mean it would make him irate for like a year. Now he says it just fine bur Jeezy he got so mad and whats weird is he said please before but then he was like no I hate saying it I’m not going to he’s 4

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Just continue to love him and tell him so. Your his mother,that love should be unconditional :heart:

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Worry about something that really matters for one…

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Respect his boundaries like you are teaching him to respect yours. Kids don’t owe any adult love and affection. How he may be choosing to show may be different from what you like, but it’s not about you. He needs to be able to express himself how he chooses with no pressure. You need to learn that not everyone will express feelings the way that you want and you must respect that.

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This is around the age they don’t want momma babying them or kissing them goodbye for school with a hug and kiss in front of other kids.
You cannot MAKE a child say they love you. Just relax. Keep the routine and keep saying it. Maybe they feel smothered at bedtime and are rebelling so you will just back off and let them grow up and be more independent :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging: you KNOW he loves you, just be patient and don’t governor smother :grin::grin:

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Is he autistic? I think they don’t have emotions the way non autistic people do? Like they don’t say ir show love? Please don’t come at me , I’m not asking as an asshole

Maybe because he doesn’t want to feel or be forced into saying it due to a guilt trip. Some kids just don’t say it but it doesn’t mean they don’t love you.

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I have fortunately never had this problem. But my eldest has been through the over emotional ‘I hate you’ moments. While not acceptable, give it no attention. The same would go for no ‘I love you’ or ‘goodnight’ before bed. Keep saying it, let him know you love him always. He will say it when he is ready. If you force it, he may not want to. Keep strong mumma, I’m sure he truly does love you

Sounds like words of affirmation must be the language you speak. Remember he’s 6 and doesn’t fully grasp why you’re upset, and he also probably finds it interesting it makes you upset and for the first time he has power over the person that has ruled his life, so why would he say it?

You’re teaching him how to be a bully by giving him this power. Let it go. He’s 6, of course he loves you. He is not obligated to tell you.

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All kids the thru stages it don’t last forever. My kids now tell me every time we talk on the phone or leave each other to go somewhere.

Never expect an I love you with an I love you. People do that in their own time. It can’t be forced and definitely shouldnt be pressured…
Kids are still learning about feelings.
Just keep letting him know you love him, that’s all you can do.

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My kid is 5, and already has told me he doesn’t like me. lol

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You can’t make them. That wouldn’t be a positive thing to do

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Are you saying it enough? Don’t expect your kid to say it if they don’t hear it often

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Don’t force it. Some kids are like that, you have to just let them come to you

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My second eldest is like this, he’s just not very affectionate in the “normal” way. Now that he’s a bit older sometimes I get a quick love ya but that’s about it and usually when he wants something hahahaha
You can’t force them, they’ll say it when they want if at all, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. My second eldest shows me he loves me by pranking me and wanting to be near me 24/7 just to annoy me (pokes me and shit lmfao)
Everyone is different and shows love differently, need to remember they’re just little people too with their own personalities

First stop trying to force it or make him say it to you.

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Accept it for what it Is. It won’t be forever just for now…

Oh my. Wow. You can’t make them. That’s pathologically narcissistic on your part. Just be a loving parent. Not a narcissistic one.

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Somethings up red flags for something I’d check into that a bit more than being personally offended. Sounds like something going on with them.

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Hes the one that needs to feel loved. Thst is all that matters.

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What can you do to “make” him say it to you…

First of all you should just relax and not make him say or do anything. Consent is important and so are boundaries. If he doesn’t say those things then that’s a clear boundary he is setting. Or maybe he just isn’t the affectionate type

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Sometimes actions are better than words

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Oh lordy…just let him go at his pace. Don’t force him. Or make a big deal about it. You continue saying it to him. But don’t show your up set if he doesn’t. Just remember…patience works wonders.

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Mine didn’t do this with me… BUT she wouldn’t really hug , or say I love you too, to many people at ALL for the longest time. Oddly enough it was around to 7 and she started working it out a little. I asked her why she wouldn’t tell her grandma(dad’s mom) and I named a few others. Or hug them really. She said saying it kind of made her feel uncomfortable and weird.
She also is like me and don’t like the center of attention thing , so she was not digging happy birthday when we would sing it either. I could relate so I didn’t pressure it. (off topic but feeling uncomfortable, it kinda matched) . She isn’t as bad about it as she was. For a few years though she was stingy on the hugs and I love yous. Her dad and I. My mom. My grandma. Brother and sil . That’s bout it. She refused lol couldn’t bribe the child. Lol after I knew it made her feel uncomfortable, I didn’t ever try to get her to do it again. I stood close to her to 'explain and defend or get her out of the position ’ when I knew hugs and I love yous we’re about to come.thats all I got for u. Its no help But my child did it to others too

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It’s probably a phase mama. I’m sure he loves you he may just not be the type to say It much and That’s okay you haven’t done anything wrong.

As long ad you tell your child you love them and they know you love them that should be enough… never force a child to tell them they love u they will tell you in their own time or their own little way

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Maybe don’t force your child to say what you want them to?

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Honestly for a lot of kiddos it’s a phase. He’ll say it when he’s ready. I learned with my older 2 that around that age they begin to think they’re too “cool” to tell their parents they love them. It only lasts a little while. Just keep loving on him and telling him you love him and he will come around in his own time. He will go through that phase many more times as he gets older but he knows your his momma and he loves you. Sometimes in this case actions speak louder than words

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Is this something that jus started or they’ve never said it?

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This is absolutely disgusting

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Instead of repeating yourself with the hopes that he’ll imitate your verbal expression, say “thank you for…” so he knows there’s other ways to express feelings. He is not you so you cannot expect him to act as you. Know this for the real challenging days ahead. As long as he seems happy, you’re doing a great job!

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Would you prefer they say something they don’t mean?

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Some children find it hard to express themselves that’s all

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My brother does this. He always has been like that. Sometimes kids aren’t comfortable saying it. He has always been like this and he’s 15 now

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Don’t worry about the words… to look for other ways that they tell you that they love you and believe me they are there you just have to look and recognize. It could be a small glance it could be a small gift it could be anything anything but don’t disallow yourself from recognizing it recognizing it! Check out love languages

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You cant MAKE a kid say it. My oldest has a hard time sometimes and i smother her with love😅

STOP FORCING him !!!

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Our children don’t exist to please our emotions. Is your child loved? Is your child safe? Does your child know/feel they are loved by you unconditionally? Those are the things that matter.
Please don’t expect validation of your feelings from your kiddo

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Maybe analyse why you have such a deep need for him to do this. I think this is a you problem, don’t force him. Forced affection is not genuine and he will resent you for it.

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My 3 year old doesnt say it as much. There are different ways to express your love for someone and your child shows you in different ways.

keep role modeling what you want say it and show and keep it consistent nightly
look at your overall relationship with the child - do you have a healthy built relationship? if not work on that too. spend time with the kid and do stuff with them -fun stuff they enjoy to show them ya love them -

Don’t do anything to make him. Just do as you do hell come around when he’s ready some children go thru a phase. My 2 yr old nephew used to be the biggest mommy’s boy now he doesn’t want anything to do with her won’t even talk to her. She didn’t do anything he’s just going thru a phase of favoritism he don’t understand

He might have a different way of expressing love. :heart:

I have always told my daughter who’s 6 now, at random times, and every night before bed. She says it right back…
On the other hand, my mom didn’t really raise us telling us she just kinda stopped so it feels weird to express my feelings to her now.
do you let ur kid know? Obviously u love them… but it’s good for them to hear it and not feel weird when one day u say it out the blue

Mine didn’t say it much until he learned what “I love you” actually means to him. Your baby just might not understand what he’s not saying.

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Just keep telling him “I love you”! He will eventually

I was like that when I was younger. I just didn’t feel you comfortable saying it. He may grow out of it.

Have you said it regularly? Maybe they just don’t want to. Keep saying it all day everyday and eventually they may copy. I’m sure they love you

Patience he will say it when he is ready, if he hasn’t heard you saying it since he was a baby, it’s going to be strange for him hearing it now.

You cannot and should not force this upon him. Some people cannot verbalise their feelings, but it doesn’t mean they don’t have them.

my Daughter is 6 She Hardly Ever Says I Love you. I Never Force her. I Always Say Goodnight I love you. And if she wants to Say it back That’s up to her. when she does say I love you and gives me a cuddle or a kiss I find it Extra special as That’s VERY rare. as long as my daughter knows I love her I don’t mind if she doesn’t Say it Back…

I would NEVER make any of my kids Say It. I don’t think you should make him say it.

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You shouldn’t feel like you have to “make” him say anything back. He’s only 6, making him say something he doesn’t want to say right now will likely cause him to never say it back.
If he shows you in different ways that he loves you then that’s all that should matter. Actions speak louder than words.

you do nothing, continue to tell your child you love them without expecting it back. i tell my son i love him all the time and he doesn’t always say it back, that’s absolutely fine and that will always be fine. the fact that you say he “refuses” makes me think you’re pressuring him to say it, which isn’t ok. we should never force these things.

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My son is 12 and my daughter 5. My son hardly ever tells me, his daddy, or sister he loves us unless it’s bedtime or he is going to school. My daughter on the other hand does it all the time like literally 1000 times a day.

Some kids, especially boys have a different way of expressing their love. Give it time, be patient, let him know that momma loves him, and he will eventually come around

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Don’t do anything
Don’t force it

To know how to answer. I need to first ask is this about YOU OR your child? If you feel love is something you can MAKE people do, then I think its more about you. Some people just aren’t as affectionate as others. Children are people with hearts and minds of their own.

You can say I love you a million times , but If love is not shown and felt , then how is one supposed to say it. He is young , and possibly just does not quite understand it yet

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My mum didn’t say she loved me while growing up but her actions showed me way more than that. Why is him saying he loves you so important to you ? I think you need to look within and ask yourself why.

Our 7 year old has never expressed love for either myself or his dad. We tell him we love him often and he usually replies with OK, Thankyou or I Know.
We know he loves us by his actions. I hope your child and you know by your actions also.

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Nothing …just say it anyway. This kid just likes controlling you.

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Ask yourself why is so important that he tells you he loves you? Damn people these days.

Don’t force it. You chose to birth your child they owe you nothing. Work on your insecurity you shouldn’t need them to say it.

Say I love you to him everyday.

Stop trying to force it. They will say it when they are ready to. You making a big and being pushy isn’t going to make it happen sooner.

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Your probably started saying it late or you are doing something that isn’t sitting well with him. I advise u don’t force but ask when you are having mother son time about things going on with him. My son sometimes tells me his upset because I didn’t speak to him well after he did something wrong. I acknowledge his feelings and apologize but also remind him to do better and we hug it out. And tell him I love u all the time. So just always say it. He will start as well.

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Don’t force him. Just tell him you love him and eventually on his own he will start saying it too

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Would you want to be forced to tell someone you loved them? Maybe they don’t understand what love is yet. Also, as a mother of 5…the more you try to force something the more push back you’re going to get. We aren’t a clingy lovable family but we know we love eachother, and its not by saying it.

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I mean…you cant make him say it. I have a 15(boy),13(girl) and 12(boy). When they were little they’d say it prob 100 times a day(we always tell them we love them) Now? I say it and I may get it said back or I’ll get ,ok mom! Lol

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My daughter has never said it and she’s now 19,but I know she does…sometimes ppl are non verbal. Don’t take it personal

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My kids had a hard time while they were younger…they don’t know feelings to much. They’re to much trying to figure out life. My kids are older now they say it all the time. Now they’re teens. Just continue to show love to them.

You don’t make him say it. And while on this topic you don’t make them hug or kiss you. Just continue to tell him goodnight and you love him so he knows you haven’t stopped. And one day you will get a REAL I love you.

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This is soooooooo selfish. You wanna make your child say & do what you want, regarding their own emotions. Get over yourself

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You cant make someone say I love you. Get over yourself.

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Never ever force a child to tell someone they love them ! Regardless if mum, dad, brothers auntys etc

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