My Child's Father Never FaceTimes Him Between Visits: Is That Weird?

Motherhood
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QUESTION:

"I am just looking for opinions. My two-year-old son’s father gets him every other weekend from Friday at 2:00 until Sunday at 2:00. He lives 2 hours away, and that’s what works best for our schedule. No court obligation or anything.

He doesn’t FaceTime him or check in on him in between his visits. That just seems so weird to me. I’ve never made a fuss about it or anything. It just seems odd.

Am I off here? I FaceTime him at least once a day while he’s with his daddy."

RELATED QUESTION: Is It Possible to Get My Daughter’s Video Chats with Her Father Recorded?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“No, doesn’t seem off too me. He works. Has errands and stuff to take care of. Tbh it’s more off to me that you facetime while he’s with dad. He should be allowed uninterrupted time with his child.”

“I mean honestly I think it’s odder that you FaceTime every day that he’s with dad.”

“My son is 3 and his dad gets him every other weekend also. He doesn’t text/call the whole two weeks he doesn’t see him at first it bothered me… but now I’m like it’s his own decision. I text here and there when he’s at his dad’s to see what he up too (not every weekend he has him tho and never FaceTime). Now my son has a strong bond with his stepdad. Even started talking/acting like him! Not my problem that he doesn’t contact him. I’m not gonna force him to contact OUR son. Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

“I personally think because he only sees him every other week, he should be contacting you to at least see how he is. A lot can happen in two weeks’ time between visits and if he starts now, he will form a better bond with him.”

“My son’s dad doesn’t usually FaceTime or call between visits. I don’t bother him either though when he’s at his dad’s. I let them enjoy their time together. Not that you’re wrong, my son is older. If he were only two, I’d probably FaceTime him while he was away as well.”

“I understand where you are coming from; as moms, we can’t imagine not knowing how our babies are doing for days at a time. I also don’t think it’s because the dad doesn’t care or doesn’t want to check on your baby. Men are just wired differently I guess. My husband says men are like Bluetooth, they form strong connections but you have to be close. It’s a good idea to let him know he can check on him or call him if he wants to, just don’t hold that against him!”

“Nothing strange about it at all. It’s fine. A father-son bond is different, not any less, just different. Let him have his time alone uninterrupted with dad. It’s THEIR time.”

“Doesn’t sound odd to me. I assume he feels the child is in good hands and a 2-year-old probably isn’t going to have the attention span for a good face time call.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

13 Likes
2

We have 50/50 we do not communicate when she is with the other parent so they can have their time uninterrupted. It works well for us

2 Likes
3

Just let it go jeez… and stop intruding on his weekends with his son.

18 Likes
4

It’s not uncommon for parents to not FaceTime in between visits.

1 Like
5

I personally think because he only see him every other week, he should be contacting you to at least see how he is. A lot can happen in two weeks time between visits and if he starts now, he will form a better bond with him.

6 Likes
6

What she’s saying is he doesn’t check in with the kid for like a week…i think he should talk to his son every day

7 Likes
7

My son’s dad doesn’t usually FaceTime or call between visits. I don’t bother him either though when he’s at his dad’s. I let them enjoy their time together. Not that you’re wrong, my son is older. If he were only two, I’d probably FaceTime him while he was away as well.

5 Likes
8

My three girls go to their dads every weekend I usually don’t talk to them till I pick them up. I figured it’s his time. And during the week he will rarely call unless it’s to discuss the up coming weekend. They each have their own phone so sometimes they will text me or vis versa

2 Likes
9

My daughters dad only shows up now about once every 2-3months but when he was seeing her (basically same schedule you have) he wouldn’t check in unless he was contacting me to cancel his visitation bc he had other things going on

1 Like
10

He doesn’t want to call you or go through you

11 Likes
11

My son is 3 and his dad gets him every other weekend also. He doesn’t text/call the whole two weeks he doesn’t see him at first it bothered me… but now I’m like it’s his own decisions…i text here and there when he’s at his dad’s to see what he up too (not every weekend he has him tho and never FaceTime) now my son has a strong bond with with his stepdad. Even started talking/acting like him​:woman_shrugging:t4:… not my problem that he doesn’t contact him I’m not gonna force him to contact OUR son. Ain’t nobody got time for that :smirk:

7 Likes
12

Nothing wrong with it. I would assume if something happened one of you would contact the other. Otherwise it’s his choice. Some dads just don’t think like a mom would.

1 Like
13

Not really. My grandsons Dad is in the military & only sees him a few times a year. He hasn’t seen him since Christmas this time. He never asks my daughter to FaceTime him or anything & he’s almost 3. He checks in about once a week to see how he is & occassionly asks for a picture.

14

Doesn’t sound odd to me. I assume he feels the child is in a good hands and a 2 year old probably isn’t going to have the attention span for a good face time call.

3 Likes
15

We don’t ask about the kids when they’re with their other parent. It’s their time

2 Likes
16

No doesnt seem off too me. He works. Has errands and stuff to take care of . Tbh it’s more off to me that you facetime while hes with dad. He should be allowed uninterrupted time with his child. .

22 Likes
17

My daughter dad doesn’t either he suppose to get her every other weekend . but I do call and say goodnight when she is with him…

18

My Daughter’s father NEVER checks in when it’s my time…she doesn’t even notice anymore. :frowning:

19

The kid is 2…not really a big deal. I didn’t talk to my kid either when he went to his dads. I’m sure dad is comfortable enough with you and trusts you enough to know his son is ok when he’s not with him. I wouldn’t even give it a second thought :woman_shrugging:t2:

20

Maybe he trusts that if you need anything or if something happens, you will let him know. That isnt odd to me.

1 Like
21

Be grateful they spend time :disappointed: my kids dad doesn’t even check in or ask for them… only if we’re together but that’s rare af now because he’s a narcissist

22

How old is your son? Can you talk to your ex and ask him (not in an accusatory but a calm inquisitive way) why he likes things the way they are, if he ever wants to talk to the child between visits & if not, why not? Maybe it’s painful to hear his voice & not be able to hold him. Maybe he hates hearing your voice first because it reminds him the marriage failed. Who knows? COMMUNICATE!

If either or both of you are prone to get upset, practice with a friend until at least you can stay calm and unemotional. You will also have to accept his answer and live with it. It’s his life to live.

Offer to have your son call him or have schedule the ex to call on a regular basis between visits if that works to keep them connected. Or if son can dial him up on his own, go for it. And I concur with others, don’t keep interrupting your ex’s time with the child unless you have an emergency or real concern.

Maybe dad is just distractable or compartmentalizes his life so doesn’t think about his child when not right there in front of him.

23

He’s a grown man he will do as he feels fit. Also if dad only gets eow maybe you should respect his time and leave them alone.

1 Like
24

my daughters father doesn’t. she goes every other weekend, similar to you. he may call 1 time if anything at all. I will sometimes check in with him when shes there but don’t ask to talk to her. I don’t think anyone is wrong in the situation.

25

Nah… my kids father doesn’t call or anything between visits.

26

I mean honestly I think it’s more odd that you FaceTime every day that he’s with dad.

9 Likes
27

If the child was older like 6 or older I could see that being a bit off maybe…especially if the child wanted to facetime. But I feel like 2 is a bit young to have meaningful videochats or to even “want” to videochat

2 Likes
28

My SS9’s BM only gets him every other weekend and she never calls or checks on him. I think it’s sad but she makes sure we don’t have her number (court ordered all for communication between parents only) so he can’t call her either. I’m two years in so was thinking of offering her family my number to call him on but I haven’t decided yet. We both want him to be able to communicate with both sides of his family unless there is a safety issue or it becomes harmful to him in some way. I’ve never understood how you can only see your child a few days a month and never reach out to them to show them love :\

29

It’s not odd, he doesn’t have to Facetime… Also maybe he thinks it’ll be too hard… its very frustrating keeping a kid entertained long enough to facetime, maybe he’s making it easier for you. Doesn’t really matter in the end. it’s more weird that you FaceTime him everyday while at their dads… they’re not away from you for long it seems very untrusting and controlling.

30

I don’t call or anything between visits, but that is bc my daughter’s dad finds every reason to not let her talk. It started bothering my son when she couldn’t talk so I had to stop for him.

31

No. What would we do with out cell phones and internet these days.

1 Like
32

My youngest ones are 9 and 10 and go every second weekend to dads … Very rarely he will contact inbetween.

I dont bother the kids while they are with him either, when its his turn , i leave them be. Unless of course its a emergency.

1 Like
33

Men are just different with their kids. Ive been separated for 8 years. He seems our 4 kids 6 times a year. On each ones birthday, fathers day and Christmas. He won’t call them in between.

34

I’ve never heard of anyone doing that before honestly. What do you think people did before we had phones with cameras?? I never video chatted with my dad when I was growing up and he lived in another state. I think you’re overthinking things. Besides your son is only 2. It’s not like they can have a conversation lol

2 Likes
35

I think personally you should stop facetimng your son on his time with his dad. They get so little time together and you feel the need to take more time away by facetiming, why ?

7 Likes
36

He’s only two. I don’t find it weird

1 Like
37

Honestly, it gets super annoying having my kids father face time my daughter everyday.

2 Likes
38

It’s not odd and it’s also not odd that you check on your baby every day either, I would do the same thing.

3 Likes
39

I think men are different. He probably thinks if something is wrong you will tell him…and maybe thinks hes too young to notice if he doesnt facetime him…

40

no but that could be because even if I tried to my communication is limited and they are not allowed to text, call or video me if they need to. I live an hr and a half away and see them fri to sun 6pm to 6pm

41

I wouldn’t think too much about it. Children may be out of a man’s sight but they are always there in his heart. As a boy gets older he will gravitate towards & start spending more time with his Dad, freeing up your time. It’s a balance. Parenting is for the long haul & they won’t be toddlers forever.

1 Like
42

Maybe doesn’t have time or not sure if he should let him know he can if he wants but it’s normal

1 Like
43

I’ve never understood why parents cannot allow the other parent to have uninterrupted time with their child. It’s definitely a control thing because a 2 yr old isn’t even going to care about a FaceTime call. The parents are both capable of caring for their child and if an emergency comes up, they would let the other parent know. It REALLY frustrates me when I hear a parent who gets 2 days every 14 days and one parent cannot allow them to have time with their child without interrupting their time to bond with the child as well.

9 Likes
44

He spends every weekend with me and we talk every day or at minimum text each other goodnight every day. His dad doesn’t check up on him when we are together and dont see an issue in that

45

Here’s an idea. Ask him why he doesn’t and tell him that he can

46

Not weird, plus the kid doesn’t want to be on the phone… and when my son doesn’t want to speak to his dad on FaceTime it hurts his(the dads) feelings. And at first my sons father wanted to talk to him twice a day which is really hard because as a mom, I have other things I need to do… that I can’t get done holding the phone so they can talk. And I only check up when he’s with him for extended stays

47

My son lives with his dad and our daughter lives with me. I talk to my son every day whether it be phone or text. The dad only talks to our daughter when he needs info or to tell her when he’s coming to pick her up for weekends.

48

Wow. You are really trying to find something to be upset about and its not working lol

1 Like
49

I think you should worry more about what you do then worry about what your ex does in his time. Afterall its his relationship with son. Its up to him how he chooses to establish it. And vise versa.

50

I think you’re off… you cannot control what he does when he’s out of your care and its the weekend you have him most

51

The child is 2… :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_facepalming:t3:

52

No it isn’t weird. You feel you need to because you are spend majority of time with your son

53

My oldest’s dad is the same way… he doesnt get to see my son often (we live 6 hours away) but rarely reaches out to him in between visits (a facebook message here and there, never call or facetimes him). My son is currently spending the weekend with him and I’ve video chatted him about 10x since hes been there. I’ll never understand how ok these dads can be without constant contact with their kid(s)!

1 Like
54

Be happy he is involved at all. A LOT of our kids have dads that do not see call or even acknowledge their kids.

1 Like
55

I understand where you are coming from, as moms we can’t imagine not knowing how our babies are doing for days at a time. I also don’t think it’s because the dad doesn’t care or doesn’t want to check on your baby. Men are just wired differently I guess. My husband says men are like Bluetooth, they form strong connections but you have to be close.:joy:
It’s a good idea to let him know he can check on him or call him if he wants to, just don’t hold that against him!:blush:

3 Likes
56

Be thankful he sees him at all… my son hasn’t received a phone call, text or facetime in 18 months!

57

Maybe, and I swear I’m not trying to be rude or funny, he doesn’t want to talk to you? I know myself I hate FaceTiming but when it would come to my kid I would do it all the time. But is there animosity between you guys?

2 Likes
58

Same thing over here I call or FaceTime once or twice the weekends my son is over his dads I hear nothing from him I even send pics during the week I get no response it does seem odd but u can only do the best and be the best u can u can’t do the best for any one else

59

Nothing strange about it at all. It’s fine. Father son bond is different not any less just different. Let him have his time alone uninterrupted with dad. It’s THEIR time.

3 Likes
60

I’m just a grandma and I video chat my grandkids at least twice a week and they’re 3,2 and 4 months.
Every 2 weeks is quite a time to go with no communication at all imo.

1 Like
61

Before internet and cellphones people didnt do it…i dont find it weird at all

1 Like
62

Yes that’s for sure you have your time he has his time

63

My older kids havent seen their dad in 6 years so :woman_shrugging:

64

He trusts you and works etc. Where you miss your child and your used to having him all the time. So for you your missing a normal part of your life. For him he knows your a good mom and is used to the weekend thing. Hugs.

65

be thankful that courts aren’t involved and you have the child’s dad that takes.him. men are wired differently than woman. that being said it’s only a weekend and.you should let.some control go with chatting with him everyday when he’s with his dad. if he wants to talk he will make it known. I’m from a broken household and my mom and her time and my dad has his. if my dad had to be around to answer calls all the time that would of gotten annoying fast.

66

I’ve only facetimed people a handful of times and its never my idea. Some people just don’t like being on camera.

As far as checking in at all… I get why it probably seems odd to you, but I’m not going to say its unusual. Its not like he never sees him or rarely sees him. I think when you’re the primary custodial parent you’re more accustomed to constantly checking on them. I couldn’t say I’d be able to go that long without checking in but I can’t say your ex is weird or accuse them of not caring.

67

I don’t think it is necessarily odd, although I would want the father of my child to

on the other hand, it’s very hard to FaceTime with a two-year-old because they only have so much of an attention span

6 Likes
68

His time is his time and your time is your time. I would think he’s just not intruding on your time :woman_shrugging:

11 Likes
69

I think it’s odd. My ex & I had terrible divorce. He never did. I didn’t on his rare visits but they called me

70

I think most men would be like this. My ex is exactly the same. Sometimes he wouldn’t call on their birthdays if it fell on “my days”. I have kids the majority of the time and I still text them or call them just to say hi. They are older now but it’s been like this since we split.

1 Like
71

If he’s not checking in he probably trusts that your son is in safe hands. I used to be criticized for not calling everyday about my daughter when she was with her dad and I didnt feel the need to interupt their time with a call from me when I knew I’d be contacted if anything happened or I was needed. Don’t take it necessarily as a bad thing.

11 Likes
72

Maybe make it clear that he is allowed to call and FaceTime if he wants. Or if your son asks to speak to him then call him and tell him your son asked to talk to him. He may be afraid of disturbing or annoying you,

3 Likes
73

Nope what’s weird is a father not calling or seeing in 5 years… I don’t think it’s a big deal
I think men are just men id just be happy he wants to see him as much as he does

74

My son lives with his dad we don’t FaceTime or talk every day. But I get him every other weekend and 3 weeks in the summer and holidays. Truthfully its hard to be on a phone with a 6 year old. He doesnt wanna actually talk, im usually left looking at the ceiling or watching him play. Half the time he leaves the phone lay and forgets im on it lol. But I mean it is everyonce in a while well facetime but not often. Honestly I wouldnt get to upset over it.
Honestly I dont call all the time cause that’s his dads time, and I dont wanna take that from him. If my son wants to call me he knows he can ask his dad and he calls.

1 Like
75

Mine has our two year old every weekend without any court order and unless I initiate contact he don’t ask or video chat her or nothing

76

I talk to sons dad on Friday to let him know I’m on the way and sun to let him know that I’m on my way. Nothing else. Hes 8 and it’s been like that the entire time. Its not weird its just how it is…

2 Likes
77

My youngest sons dad calls and texts and video chats all the time and he’s only 6 months. He has another son, and I know he video chats him all the time as well. No court orders.

78

Dang girl, let him spend time with daddy. U see the kid almost every day, why do u need to facetime on his time? That’s kinda bogus if u ask me.

11 Likes
79

I asked my kods dad the dame thing. We had the same schedule. He simply said he knew when they were with me they were fine and if something was wrong or needed he k ew we would reach out to him. Maybe your ex doesnt feel the same need as us mothers do

1 Like
80

My two girls alternate between me and their dad, a week here and a week there. They don’t really talk to him or me on the other one’s week.

81

No, I don’t think its odd. My ex and I have been split up for 9 years now, he also gets every other weekend, and he has never called our boys (14,12 and almost 11) when it isnt his time. With our oldest being 14, and having a cell phone, him and his dad do a lot of Facebook FaceTime now.

Have you expressed to dad that he can call? I know I personally dislike facetime.

In my opinion, if dad is only getting 4 days a month, you should really let him have those 4 days to his self with no interruptions from you.

1 Like
82

I think he’s just keeping his distance as most do unless it’s import and involves the child’s health or safety, my ex wouldn’t call his daughter while she was with her mum and all communication was between my ex mother in law and the baby mama he refused to speak to his ex :woman_shrugging:t2:.

83

My ex does this as well. No calls, no nothing in between visits. He just went 6 weeks without seeing or speaking to them.

84

Be glad that hes involved at at all honey

85

Very weird. My kids dad loved drinking and partying with his friends all the time and hardly gave us attention. He never called it partying though. So we are no longer together. His kids were never #1. Like I understand having friends is important but over your kids? Fuck all that noise.

86

I personally don’t like having my time interrupted and my ex doesn’t like his time interrupted. We call the kids during each other’s time if needed.
That just happens to have worked for us.
It hasn’t harmed our kids. They are older now and they are very happy.

1 Like
87

What’s his work schedule? I use to work 7 days a week only having every third weekend off. I share 50/50 custody and he lives 15 minutes away. I’ve never called or face timed when he has the kids

88

My daughters dad and I don’t FaceTime with her while she’s with the other. I don’t want to take time away from her dad and he doesn’t want to take any from me. I know she’s in good hands and is safe. I’ll ask for a picture while she’s gone but that’s it

89

He’s 2. I really don’t find it weird. Maybe when he is older and can actually hold a conversation.

90

Dads are not like moms. Also, at 2 years old, I feel like it’s hard to keep a child’s attention when you’re on the phone. Dont worry about it.

Reminder, coparenting works best when you stay out of the other business :tipping_hand_woman:t4: I used to push my sons dad to call him and it just made things hard.

2 Likes
91

I can’t even get my daughters dad to answer the phone :joy::joy::joy::joy::joy::joy:

92

It’s good that he is still present in his life. It will be good for the child’s well being. FaceTime with a 2 year old is just odd.

93

Wasn’t no FaceTime back in the day. He probably is certain if something was wrong with his son you would contact him. Nothing odd with that atleadt I don’t think so…

94

My ex does the same thing he hardly sees him even though we have court orders and he doesn’t facetime him either only if i ask him to will he.

95

Not weird. My fiance doesn’t facetime his daughter when she’s gone. They’ll talk on the phone and text here and there but she’s 10 so her main focus is her friends. Don’t stress over something that doesn’t need to be stressed about.

96

So basically out of a 30 day timespan he connects 4 days?! Definitely not enough. Just my opinion. Children need both Parents at all times.

1 Like
97

Every person is different. My dad was the same.

98

First of all just to touch on the opinions that you shouldn’t be face timing your child, it’s definitly not weird or too hard to facetime with a 2 year old. My 2 year old does with me dad grandma cousins, especially since covid. She doesn’t really do it for long but enough to say hi for a few minutes. As long as Dad doesn’t mind I don’t think it’s a problem. Honestly my 2 year old wouldn’t be able to go a day or two without asking to talk to me so it’s completely understandable. I would just mention to dad he can facetime if he wants. If my husband and I weren’t together I’m pretty sure he’d want to see or talk to her as much as possible even if it wasn’t his day and I think that’s totally reasonable for a 2 year old.

99

Its definitely not weird at all , are u just fishing for something to be madd about ?

1 Like
100

It would drive me nuts to have the other parent check in all the time. I would trust that they’re in safe hands with that other parent. FaceTime also takes time and maybe he has a busy schedule between work and social time too