My child’s father refuses to use his last name (mine), and it upsets my son. Is there any experience with this and what the courts think about it?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My childs father refuses to use his last name: Advice?
He refuses to use the child’s last name since you gave him your last name? Am I understanding that correctly?
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Refuses to use it how, like just when he talks to him and says his name or like at appointments?
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If the question is about letting the child have his last name I suggest taking him to court, he (the father) probably does not believe he is the actual biological father.
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This doesn’t make sense?
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I can count on 1 hand the amount of times I’ve used our last name around my kids in reference to them(outside of dr appointments). Why is he doing it often enough to upset the child? That’s weird.
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Idk whats so confusing, her child’s father refuses to address the son with his last name, the last name being the mothers, not the fathers.
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It upsets the child… or does it upset you?
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Im guessing that she means the child has his moms last name and the dad doesn’t want to use it because its not his last name but the mothers.
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Does it really upset your son that your ex doesn’t call him by his first and last name? 
I kind of doubt it, and feel like maybe you’re projecting feelings onto your kiddo.
If your ex is wanting to get it changed, well, oh well. 
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I mean be can go to court and legally get his name changed as a stipulation to childsupport and such. If that’s what you’re asking.
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It seems like she gave the kid her last name and the father doesn’t say her last name to the child which I can’t think of any reason why he would really have to say the last name. I can’t ever think of a time when I actually have to call my kids full name out ever to them
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The courts dont give af in all reality. They go by what is on the birth certificate. Now if the father is doing this on paper then there is a legality issue and he could get in trouble. But if he is just throwing it out there then there is nothing you can do about it. Ask him to stop is about all you can do.
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In AZ- I recently dealt with this. Ended up in court with additional issues. Judge sided with what is on the birth certificate. My concern stemmed from insurance conflicting with appointments and coverage. He could have tried to petition a name change but my daughter was in her early teens with an established history. I would recommend showing your child their birth certificate for transparency. You’ll probably have to show them a few times so they understand it depending on how old the kid is. Good luck!
My daughters fathers new wife only tells my 4yr old that her last name is dads last name when legally its my last name…its confusing for the kiddos
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Unless the father is filling out official papers with the wrong name, this isn’t really something that I’d stress over. “Honey, I don’t know why your father says that. Your name is A B C. Did you want mashed potatoes with dinner or baked potatoes?”
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You don’t want the child to have dad’s last name you want the child to use your last name so why can’t you both let the child use double barrel names
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When my daughter was born, her father kept refusing to call her by her first name and kept calling her by her middle name, oh and he wasn’t involved ever! Men are stubborn!
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So your kid has your last name and the father refuses to acknowledge that??
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Depending on your sons age they’ll let him choose what last name he wants. My mom and dad fought about this and my dad took her to court when I was 9 to have it changed, they asked me what last name I wanted and because I was so used to my moms last name I chose to keep hers. This is also in Delaware about 15 years ago
Why is this an actual issue?
With the exception of doctors and school I NEVER use my kids’ last name around them. Even when they’re in trouble…it’s first and middle names.
Do you go around saying “John doe do you want a sippy cup?” If you do…why do you do it?
99% of kids I’ve met do not expect to be called by thier first and last name during casual conversations.
So …why is your child upset?
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It depends on the judge, my sons father pronounces my sons name wrong on purpose. He sends emails to me trying to correct me and gets upset when I don’t say it his way. He even started yelling at my lawyer in court for pronouncing it the right way but not his way. The courts and no one involved, trained counselors didn’t even see anything wrong with it. Mind you I named my son on my own, dad was no where to be found, and I named him after my brother, so I know exactly how to say it lol.
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Married 25 years, when I/we had my/our children I used my maiden name as part of thier (3 children) middle name, so husband was good with it until my Father passed and said that I stole their/his namesake, to this day he refuses to acknowledge that the kids have his last name and calls them by my maiden last name such an ass
Sounds like he is a sexist pig.
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Courts can’t control what someone says
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In some states, if the parents are not married and if the father doesn’t give permission/acknowledge he is the father, his name is not on the birth certificate. The baby’s last name is entered as the mother’s last name. If this is the case, he needs to go to court, acknowledge paternity, request name change and start paying child support. Not enough info was given to give better suggestion.
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I say good for you for giving your child your last name, if you aren’t married.
I gave my twins girls my maiden name because their father wasn’t in the picture when they were born. Even if he was I maybe would have hyphenated the last name but were definitely having my last name.
Hell I wish my husband would have taken my maiden last name instead of me taking his. He didn’t have children.
One of my teen girls claim she is changing her last name to her dads last name when she turns 18.
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But with that said^. Their dad calls them by his last name when he has them. I don’t Let it bother me. He uses their legal last name if it’s a legal situation/paper.
Farout people moan over dumb shit, who gives a F his father can never ever change it unless he has your signature which, Hello your never ever guna give… take a chill pill 
Why are you not giving the child his fathers last name is what I would like to know and understand?
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I believe children have the right to use both their parents last name I think some people withhold them to be spiteful
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It’s hard to understand the issue. Whatever his legal name is what will matter on official business. My kids went through a stage at school to want to go by their step dads last name. We made no attempt to encourage or discourage. We knew it was probably just a stage. And it was. The pull to fight over it seems would only cause more friction
Just be glad he’s an ex!!
I gave my daughter my last name. Her father left me before she was born. He’s not even on the birth certificate. Found out it’ll make things easier if I ever wanna get her a passport to travel. Won’t need his permission. Worked out better for me.
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If it’s upsetting your son he shouldnt be doing it period, and it’s 2021 idk why it’s so shocking to some of you that a monther would want to give her child her own last name
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Yes my daughter lives with her dad she has my name on the birth certificate but he uses his name for school and everything else I’ve told him that she’s already gotta 2nd name why change it he said because she lives with him and it’s none of my business
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Tell him he should have married you, then you all could have the same surname
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My mom went through the child support agency and they did the DNA test. Then the father had x amount time to claim the child and legally change the last name to his.
I put both my children under my last name (i live in tasmania) cause there father was in and out of the pregnacy so i thought he would be like that with them and my last name is the only thing i could give them from my father as he passed away 8 days before my 16th
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Let him be bitter. Sucks for the kid but unfortunately not much anyone can do. If his dad wants to be a sour batch, he’s gonna be a sour patch
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I have always believed unless you are married never ever give your child the father’s/sperm donors last name.
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What? Well that’s his name so…
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I’m old fashion I feel.him a child should always have the dad’s name especially when they are involed
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It’s oy coust 41.50 to change it at least that what it cost in my state
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In Florida, if a legal father requests that the child have his last name, at the very least the court WILL grant that the child bear a hyphenated last name. I have a family member whose daughter’s name was changed, against her will, by the judge.
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Child should always have dads last name, anyways. Women don’t carry on a name. Women are supposed to get married. What happens when you marry someone and your kid is just stuck with your old last name? Weird.
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First of all, why did you open your legs to someone if they weren’t good enough for your child to carry their name? Fucking ducks everywhere
I am confused on this question maybe phrase it differently.
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I’m not sure I understand the question. So what dad doesn’t acknowledge your kids last name. He can’t change it without you agreeing. Don’t agree.
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My son has his natural father’s last name but wants to change it too mine.
Has wanted to since he was about 11/12
I had him wait until he was an adult to make an informed independent decision and he still wants too and is doing it himself 
He’s 20 and in college
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I have 4 kids all of then have my last name. You want the kid to have yours you should have married me if not well suck it.
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I put both lol maybe I’m wrong … but my last name goes 1st then the fathers lol
If he had an issue, he should have brought it up well before the baby was born, not refuse to use it after it’s done, sounds like he has made it a negative thing against you your child, what name does the child want to be called by, that is what the father should be listening to and doing.
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I had to go to the attorney general of Texas he denied my daughter the test showed 99.98% he was the father we got the paper cuz they changed her last name in the court records instead of my maiden name it was supposed to change to his name and have him put on the birth certificate I change her social security card and stuff like that to his name well then I waited and he never did she’s 30 years old now he never had his help put on the birth certificate or change her last name to his it wasn’t a good deal to begin with because he owes me like almost $60,000 in child support his case is closed because he’s in prison for life I would stick to whatever you want until there’s a court order
Yall mamas to much sometimes.
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All my kids have my last name. My family had all girls except my cousin mouse. He never had kids. Nobody to carry on the family name. I kept my name when I married and allowed my ex husband to take my name as well. Hoping I would have a son to carry on the family name. I did have 1 son so family name revived as long as he has a few boys himself.
Whether he acknowledges it or not that is your child’s last name. Once the kid starts school he will have to acknowledge his legal last name lol he doesn’t really have a choice In it at this point. Also my kids have my last name too. I don’t see anything wrong with children having their mothers last names. My husband had an issue with it at first but he got over it.
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It seems to me, that it would be easier for you if he has your last name. You’ll be taking him to the dr, school, picking him up… but it’s up to you, I don’t live with you.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My childs father refuses to use his last name: Advice?
My ex keeps telling my sons last name is simons when it’s not it’s mine which is allen
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My ex stood me up in labor, in shame (was two timing found out had two of us pregnant at once and couldn’t be bothered to show up) and bc you can’t just “add” a name to the bc and he never showed up to sign it before discharge she was given my last name. He then threw a fit and wanted me to jump through hoops to change it. He couldn’t be bothered to attend her birth, didn’t come in the hospital or see her until a week after she was born and then blamed me she didn’t have his last name. Super swell guy
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I would agree. This is very confusing and non descriptive.
What do you mean by refuses to use? He can’t use a false name on legal documents.
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Thats a little confusing and non descriptive so it’s kinda hard to give advise. Is his father not using the child’s last name or his own last name? And how do you mean “refuses to use”? Use in what way?
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Does your child have your last name and the dad refuses to accept it?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My childs father refuses to use his last name: Advice?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My childs father refuses to use his last name: Advice?
I gave my first child my last name as the father and I weren’t married at the time of birth. Yes, he was on the certificate as the father. When we got married we changed her last name. We both agreed to that. This made sense to both of us. The child was under my coverage, it made things easier. He not once had an issue when the child used my name. It shouldn’t matter. If he is doing this to use your child to hurt you, tell him its hurting your child and to stop it. If he continues you will take legal action and he’s gonna lookike an ass in court. It seems petty but some guys testosterone, I swear it kills brain cells.
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My son carried my last name and his son as well it’s a family thing
My eldest son has my last name as my ex at the time wanted nothing to do with him.
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Half the time I forget I’m married and that my daughter has my husbands last name lol like we don’t use her last name. Even when I sign her into the doctors office, I kind of giggle bc like we never use it lol
What he has to write on his school papers and everything else is all that matters , ignore the bad , praise the good
The court will think you’re both being petty and tell you to grow up 
honestly. Like legally his name is his name. Just because dad won’t use it doesn’t make it any less his name
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Then so be it. End of the story. It’s up to the child when child grownups, he/she can decide.
Mine have both surnames as a double barrel.
No arguments then lol.
If it’s the Fathers child then the said child should carry his name. Traditional ways I assume
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In most states when the child is 16 yrs.old or 18yrs.old they can go to court. And have the last name changed to yours. You do need your Birth Certificate not a copy , State I.D. Do check with your state’s Civil Court or local Court, Social Security Office.
My niece had this done. Her father who wasn’t a great role model.
My son has his fathers last name( we are not married) but my niece has her mothers and fathers last name (not married) so she has two last names on her birth certificate. I guess its what the mother and father prefer, and have to come to some type of agreement on the childs last name. If it really bugs the kid has he/she gets older i think they could legally change their last name, kinda have to go by the kids last name thats on the certificate but 
Both my children have my last name as me and the father wasn’t married. But I put the dads last name as a middle name. And told him if we ever get married then we all change our last name to his
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Should have dads name. I’m sure you are counting on him to pay for most things.
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I insisted my last name be our sons middle name…partner at time fought me on name so that was compromise. Son uses whole name a lot-he is proud that he is named after both of us even tho his father only refers to him by first & last name!
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The dad should grow tf up you don’t bring kids into the equation
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Anyone can choose to keep their own name when married or in a de-facto common law relationship.
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My daughters Dad refuses to call her by her given name he either shortens it or calls her chicken just to spite me. Don’t rise to it your child will know their name and if anything like my daughter will express frustration at being called something other than what they know their name to be
Were you married? If not. then he really doesn’t have the right to demand that you use his name.
Sorry, but I don’t think there’s any legal recourse for people being an ass. Unless it is on legal binging documents. Then everything is automatically voided if the legal name isn’t used. Some men need the idea of “property”. My husband still has a hard time not having in same last name as me. I bring up him taking my name “but it’s traditional for the woman to take the man’s name because the man usually owned the property.” I own the property in our marriage. He hated when he realized it was because women were property. He’s still not happy with it. But doesn’t say anything anymore.
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You don’t technically have to have his permission you can use any last name.
Depends if u deprived him the right of naming his child. Most kids take the fsthers surname but I do.agree if fsther has zero to do with kids then should have mums last name. My eldest has my last name
My youngest has both
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Sounds like she never got the father’s input from the get-go…hence, why she’s having problems now. If he’s an involved father, why would she be making these decisions unilaterally…?
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On forms medical, school etc use what is on his birth certificate
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Maybe the child could have both surnames
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When are you people going to learn to not let a man know he is the father of your child? Look around you. All they do is cause you problems.
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All of you should sit down with your son and let him say everything that upsets him and maybe try to find a way to fix it in the end it’s just a last name it doesn’t matter what side it comes from modern times people are even putting both last names together it does not need to be exact tradition
If parents were not married, the child usually carries the mothers last name unless the mother lists the father’s name on birth certificate then he can go by father’s last name. The dad needs to grow up. This is what happens when you make babies out of wedlock.
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Should have his fathers last name to begin with. Next question
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Is dad wanting paternity or custody of child?
Could there be some doubt that its his child?
Question how old is your son??
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Your ex is immature and sends a horrible message to your son. Very sad! Sorry that you and your son are dealing with HIS issues. Get your son to write him a letter letting him know how it makes him feel. Children are our best teachers. Give your son the power to set his sad Dad straight.
It can be changed if the father has not shown any signs of fatherhood. I.E. support etc.