Advice needed, so the father of my child said he doesn’t want anything to do with our child, I have sent several messages to him about our boy as he may have epilepsy?? Under hospital investigations. He ignored all of them for a week, rang last night at 1 am, I missed it cause I was asleep so I rang he didn’t pick up, so I have sent a couple more messages this week to keep informed about our son, still no reply should I not bother in the further or keep messaging him about our son (we were in a relationship but a very toxic one) police and social services have been involved) he asnt seen our son this year.
DO NOT MESSAGE HIM ANYMORE, he is when and where wants to be.
Just file the necessary legal documents to take care of the obligations as father and it’s up to the Dad to be there or not, he is an adult and needs no reminder texts.
You now worry about your kid and his well being, not about your ex …he is a grown man!
Let Dad go!
he might regret it, but you already have enough on your plate and if Dad is not caring now why are you texting him to let him know every bit about your child…
just document the appointments missed or child visits missed, so that you can review the parenting arrangements in few years and possible you become fully responsible for your kiddo.
It’s horrible how easy is for some parents just to walk out their kids!! and … leaves the responsible adult dealing with it all …bills, sleepless night, raising him , etc.
You keep pouring love into your child, HE NEEDS YOU and deserves peace and love to grow healthy and happy , you also need to focus on you and your kiddo.
Let it ride. Be there for your son and keep documentation of every time that man speaks to you. If he ever calls, record the conversation. They may come in handy in court one day. Aside from that, ignore the man. He doesnt deserve your energy. Your child does.
I know it sucks to do it alone but it sounds like you and your son are better off. Let sleeping dogs lie and wash your hands of him. Get it in writing though, if you haven’t already file for support through Domestic Relations. They should be able to note that he does not wish to be involved.
Honestly I would let him go but go after him for child support. If your son does have epilepsy that is going to be expensive for all of his doctor’s appointments and whatever else he made me to along the way. And for the father of your child to just bail out when times get hard is not okay. I would hit him with the punishment of Child Support
While I agree you can’t make him be a parent, or to be involved … however you do need to keep him updated on your son’s health care… so if you have an email for him, send all information and instructions via email and ccc yourself and possibly an aunt or a mutual friend of yours. This way if he decides at some point to take you to court he won’t be able to claim you didn’t tell him
Nope, just let it be. You tried, and thats what matters. You pushed to get him to care about his kid, its all on him now. If he doesn’t want to be involved, that’s his loss. Your best course of action now is to focus on yourself and your baby and focus on giving him the best possible life you can give him.
I would follow the family lawyers advice. But don’t let his careless heart get you down. Your obviously a great mom and you and your child deserve the best. Prayers for you and your son.
If he doesn’t want to be in your child’s life, that is -his- loss, not your child’s. Surround your child with positive role models that -want- to be a part of your lives.
Drop him fast. People will say it’s very important for both parents to be involved. While that is true, it’s even more important to remove toxic people from your child’s life. Love your baby enough for two & it’ll all work out just fine. You’ll keep him from growing up to be like his father.
Let dad tell him and then move on. It sucks but there is probably a good reason why you don’t need him in your lives. Just hard to see it now.
Never make any man be a parent. If he doesn’t want to be around then go on with your life.
If he asks inform him other than that stop. He clearly has no interest so stop wasting your time.
He doesn’t want to be a parent then let him go. Your children will be better without him. No contact needs to be made from you to him. Have the courts handle it.
Stop all contact. Not good for you or your son. Get full custody of your child. That is most important other than his health of course
Let him go. He clearly doesn’t want any part, nor will he be a positive influence on your child if forced to be in his life. My son’s father left when he was 10 months old. I did not chase him. I raised my son to know he was loved, and that some people just aren’t ready/meant to be parents.
Do yourself and your son a favor: go to court and get full primary (legal and sole) so you don’t ever have to put up with this again. And if “dad” is working, make sure you can get his insurance to cover your sons MD bills. Leave the guy alone. You did your part to include him.
As a mother, its time to “sack up” and be mom and dad and take charge. This guy can kick rocks.
Let it go. You have done all you can do to let him know what is going on. If he doesn’t want to be in his sons life then that’s on him and he will only regret it later on.
STOP contacting him. You cant force a man to be a father if he doesnt want to be one. Focus on building a better life for you and your child.
You’re not his secretary to update him on his child. Its really simple. If he wants to be involved, he will. He makes an effort to ignore you too. Why are you putting more effort than him?
I can tell you from experience, if he doesn’t want to be around there is absolutely nothing you can do or say to make him. If he has already told you he doesn’t want to be a part of the child’s life then just let it go. You are just going to cause yourself and your child more stress and aggravation. Delete and block his number girl!
Believe him. You can’t make him be something he doesn’t want to be as sad as it is. Save your son the pain of the dad possibly popping in and out throughout his life. I’ve been there. My regret was not cutting him out 100% when I realized he wasn’t going to be a positive role in his life. Be the best mom you can be, your child will know who is there for him and who isn’t. Go to court. Get full custody.
As sad as I am to say this… Don’t put any more effort into contacting him. You will put your child through so much more pain by trying to make him be a part of his life when he clearly doesn’t want to. Put all your energy into raising your beautiful blessing
let it go, what ever the reason, he said he wanted out, let him out. It’s your call or your son’s call to let him back in should he ever come back. His loss but I understand, its hurtful and a loss for all.
You have informed the father of your son, one is enough, two is too much so better not. What purpose would it serve you? Financial? Moral support (I doubt he will give it since he does not show up even after hearing it from you). Just let go and focus with your child. You are the mother, decide which will be good for your child’s health.
Been in the same situation but the father of my child doesn’t told me in words but I just felt through his actions that he doesn’t care he has not seen his son eversince because of our distance only on video call.I just stop sending him messages and focus on my son and myself anyway he did not support his son from day 1.I just let him do whatever he wants there’s always a karma.Just pray and seek guidance.
If he wanted to be a part of your sons life, he would make the effort. It’s that simple. Back off a little…and if he cared then he would ask. You did what you can do, and you tried but it’s clear hes just not interested, sad to say. I had to go through that with my daughters father.
Any man can be a father, but it takes a real man to step up to be a daddy…obviously, he’s not a real man. Just a loser turning blind eyes on his responsibility. Let him go, but make sure he takes that one responsibility of supporting ur son financially. No offense,but when he was going between ur legs, did he care whether u wud become pregnant or not???..#justsaying. When God is for u, no one can be against u…keep doing ur best for ur son. He’ll grow up one day & he’ll understand who was there for him when he needed someone. God bless u both take care. Prayers are with u all
I would leave him to it. Dont contact him in any way. If he doesn’t want anything to do with your son then give him what he wants. He will probably regret it later on life but that will be his doing not yours.
My sons father has had nothing to do with him from the moment he was born his choice. Never received a penny card or anything. My son is now 17yrs old well adjusted lad, no trouble. Ive always been honest with him too. I am proud ive done it all by myself xx
You can get a horse to water but ya can’t force him to drink. No offense your better off anyway, at least you know your kid will be taken care of when he’s with you. Leave him in your past and build a future for you and the mister and hold your head up like a queen… you can do it alone!
Get his medical history for your son’s sake and be done with him. If he was toxic to you in a relationship, he will be the same with your son he hasn’t seen him in a year. You’re doing your boy a favor by not acknowledging the sperm donor.
You know ur doing a good job. If the kid is old enough to know his dad isnt bothering. Then SHAME on him. But if kid is to young get on with ur lifes n forget about him. He aint worth it. Good luck x
I would not say anything to him any more! You tried he has chosen his path to not be a dad
I would at least get child support, make sure he knows where you are and how to contact you so he can’t later come back and say you kept him from him, be cordial maybe send an email on the child’s birthday and or at Christmas with an update on your child every year. Give the courts nothing to use against you but don’t go above and beyond either and let it go the balls in his court, you’ve just made sure he can use it if he chooses, just make sure if he does one day come back he’s not in and out…
I wouldn’t text or call him. If he cared about ur son then he would try. U shouldn’t have to try. I’m going threw the same thing with my son and I don’t text or call him. He ain’t seen my son in almost 2 years
My son doesnt know his real father and he never will. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to keep him in the loop.
He has made himself very clear. You are talking (texting) a wall. Let it go and focus on yourself and baby
Don’t try to force it because the only person that suffers is your son, it’s better to have an absent person than have someone who comes and goes and plays with their emotions!
Let the dad gooo write him off!!! dont need or want somebodyy like that being a dad to this little boy. He deserves alot better. Sperm doesnt make a father anyways ! Be thankful hes going to leave. I raised my daughter all by myself with 0 support . The father if can call him that went on having more kids and abandoning all the babies he made. Now hes in jail last I heard. Lol
He wants out let him go can’t imagine not wanting my kids that just stupid I don’t care what wrong with yall the kids deserve it all. They will make him take care of kid so screw him. Get on with your life.
I’d ask him to sign his rights away if he doesn’t want to be involved and keep it moving
Also if you’re concerned about the termination of his rights will take away his financial obligations, that’s not always the case. ( at least here in Florida)
Do it yourself and especially your son a favor… stop messaging, and move on. If it’s been a year already let it be longer. This we hear your son never has to feel that he wasn’t loved by his father. When your son gets older you can just let him know what a coward he was
Texts and emails only so u have physical evidence u tried. And if he calls let him know your recording or else its useless in court. So rather via text or email is the only solid documentation unless he’s okay with being recorded
He,doesn’t want to be a father, I would send brief messages on your sons medical outcome but nothing personal. Yes a loser honey, you and your son deserve a lot more. Good luck.
I would just move on if it was a bad relationship your kids are promble happy with out him in it if he’s having problems let him fix them himself
You know what just dont bother with him. I’m in the same situation its been over 3 years now my sons father hasn’t stepped up or stay in contact, there is a court order in place that hes ment to have him every weekend but dont. He dont know nothing about my son he dont even know that he’s in school now or that he’s been seizure free for 3 years. Its just got to the point i have stopped trying to make him be there for his son. Just move on with ur life because at the end of the day its better for u and ur child. Because as time has past and healed I am happily married and have a now 1year old boy.
For legal reasons, if hes on the birth certificate or has any legal rights only message him when something major happens. Otherwise dont bother its not worth it
Tell him to fuq off… But when your baby grows up and he doesn’t acknowledge you don’t be mad… Especially when that baby become a very important person…
I’d be looking at the fact you said your relationship was toxic, why would you want that for your child, forget him and concentrate on your child xxx
No. Wouldn’t contact him again. You have told him the issues. If he doesn’t want to a man and step up then so be it.
Give up. Not healthy for you or the child. Just go on with your life and act as if he doesnt exist.
I’m torn on this one cause my oldest son’s dad treated us like a package deal. We broke up when he was 2. I thought it was better off that way but as my son has gotten older he has made comments like too bad my dad doesn’t want me. Killer
Why would you do that to yourself? Focus on your child, to much energy chasing a boy.
You have tried and that’s all you can do now just concentrate on your boy …at some point in time maybe the dad will decide to want some involvment then let your son decide
He doesn’t want anything to do with the baby then don’t share. Why waste your time. He will regret it one day.
Let him be informed about the situation of your chd but never ask anything from him for your son,let him be the one to give never beg
Move on. I wish my sons father wasn’t.
Let him go … don’t bother trying to forge something when they don’t want anything to do with them
Family lawyer here. Keep his communications in case you need them in court later.
You can’t force him to be involved, and it would be damaging for your son if you did.
Open a child support case. Assure he pays guideline child support and his share of unreimbursed medical expenses and child care.
And never look back.
Nice guy to pick to father your child I can see someone is a mature adult
Put him on child support. Don’t beg him to be apart of your child’s life. You just take care of your baby.
My dear, if you know he is toxic and of he is the type of “person” (because one can’t call him a man) who doesn’t want to be in his childs life, then you and your child is better off without him. Move on, build a safe and stable environment for your baby. Your son is your no 1 priority and I know from experience that sometimes children are way better off without their father. It is sad, but it is true. I got divorced when my girls where 3 and 1 year old. They are now 25 and 23. It was very difficult, especially in the beginning. But today I know for a fact that I did the right thing. They also had no relationship with their father and every single time he did get involved (normally forced by his mother) my girls ended up broken and hurt. Until they themselves one day said enough is enough they want nothing to do with him. And today they thanked me for leaving him because they realize our lives would have been hell if we stayed with him. All of the best, you and your boy WILL be okay. You don’t need such an ass in your lives xxx
You and your son are better off without that dead beat.Get total custody and tell him his deadbeat father is dead.
You should still go for child support.
I would take this opportunity to sever the ties. If you don’t need the financial support, have him sign away his rights to your son. I think this is a sign to get him out of your life and your sons.
Get him to sign off all rights and be done with him.
Make sure he pays child support and move on.
Why do you need advice? Sounds like he already made his decision
This is not a father!!! This is a piece of garbage who doesn’t even deserve to reproduce!!!
I keep on trying after all he’s his father
Let it go. If he doesn’t want involved his loss
Communicate via email for documentation even if he doesn’t respond. It shows u did your part
Social services doesnt do the right thing for anyone. Get a good attorney and bury his ass
Unfortunately, I would believe him. If the relationship was toxic and he’s forced to be with the child, that relationship could become toxic as well. Protect your child. Protect yourself. Choose the situation that is the healthiest for you and your child.
Let him go that’s what I had to do and honestly it’s for the better
You can’t make him be a dad. Focus on your child
Don’t know what to say follow your heart maybe tell his father that then leave it alone
Stop trying and get a lawyer for child support.
Same here. Just move on. Best advice ever!
Leave him alone. Your son is better off. You can’t MAKE him want to be involved and as long as you keep forcing the issue, you’re just going to cause damage to your child in the long run when he’s old enough understand. In the words of Elsa “let it go”
Can’t make him a dad find lawyer has his rights terminated
If he want’s not nothing to do with the child stop forcing it.
Get his rights and raise your child without him.
No a parent can give up on kids.It is the evil truth.
Don’t chase him if he WA its to know let him ask
He has told you where he stands, and yet you continue. Im sorry honey, you are only torturing yourself…prepare yourself to be tough for your son and I wish you peace♡ you will get through it.
Let him go but make sure you do it all through the courts. Keep all communication documented
I walked away, struggled, became a nurse and now share my kids with a great man I chose. My other friends who have chased down the dad ended up with a spiteful dad they have to share their kids with, the dad won’t let them get a passport, the dad has to approve if they go to Disney world and can say no, miss holidays, etc which the dad does completely out of spite. be careful chasing him doesn’t bite you and your life in the butt.
Have him sign his patental rights away and cut him out and move on he doesnt deserve to know anything if he wants nothing to do with him
Walk away!! It WONT change!!
Let him go keep the baby & sue for child support
Let those 2 middle fingers fly and hope he catches them
Let it go. Y’all are better off alone.
Be happy you dont have to deal with an ex.
For your son STAY TALKING TO HIM. Show your boy your love for him
Move fat far away,avoid all contact ,find a way to terminate his parental rights ,you don’t want him to be involved with raising your child,trust me on this !!!
Seeing all of the man hating here, I would like to say that you should still check in periodically. Maybe not every day, but definitely every now and again. If he is reminded that he is needed and welcomed in his child’s life, he will hopefully come to his senses. As a father, is heartbreaking and draining if you feel like you have to scratch and fight for every phone call or visit with your child.
I hope he comes to his senses soon, because many fathers would literally kill to have the opportunity to be fully involved in their child’s life.
Sounds like a dead beat dad to me ! I wouldn’t text or call him again!!
You just take care of your baby… I wouldn’t recommend you to notify him further when he’s least bothered to even respond over the call…