My child's father took him out of state without my permission, what can I do?

He isn't on the BC, he told me he wanted to sign his right away and never have anything to do with my son.

So he finally reached out and I laid for the dna test. 99.999999 his :green_heart:
Fabulous. Without court I let him take him every other weekend. Starting off with Friday night and bring my son home Saturday cause I’m still breastfeeding. Everything’s going fine. He gets a letter from DOR he’s pissed. He says we can settle this without court. We’ll he has another child. Where he’s missed 6 months payment.

Anyways. I let him see our son anytime he wants. Fast forward to 6 months. I find out he took my son out of state without letting me know. Mind you he gives me no communication. At all. Not even when he took my son the first time. No call or text. I called his fiance and said hey yall could have let me know. And she was like. Okay goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

I called my lawyer and she told me to call the cops. I didn’t.

Now I’m not letting him see his son till we go to court
And hes badgering me what we are doing
Why he can’t see his son. When I told.him till you respect me. And communicate with me. Than we can talk.

My lawyer wants me to wait till we have a hearing.

I just want to ask other moms. What would yall do. He doesn’t give me any money. Doesn’t offer diapers or wipes or clothes. I asked him for diapers and he said. And I quote “well this is what your taking me to court for, I don’t have to give you a dime”.


I would wait for court. Do not let him take your child at all even with communication. Don’t talk to him, communicate with him, etc. Let him bug you… what he did was completely unacceptable for him to do & his fiancé sounds like no help to you. If you do communicate make sure it’s text or email so it can be seen who and when was sent. Make sure to tell the judge the situation that has happened so it can help your side of custody.

You seem like you wanna do what’s good for your baby and it’s really nice of you for letting him be apart of babies life even after that horrible crap he said about dissolving his rights. But he definitely should have communicated with you! What if something happened to them and you had no effin idea where they were… don’t bother replying to him if he can’t even do the decent thing by communicating. He wants to be a parent but doesn’t want the financial responsibility of one… take him to court for child support and a set schedule of when he can have the baby and make sure you put in a clause that says out of state trips are to be discussed prior or he doesn’t get visitation. Good luck mama

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My child's father took him out of state without my permission, what can I do?

Follow attorney’s advice. They know the way it works. If he’s taken the child out of state, what’s next? Don’t interfere with the relationship (father/child), courts don’t like that but you clearly have a valid reason to withhold visitation until the courts rule. Ask attorney if you can Offer phone calls with the child/father, video chats at specific times, for example, or if it’s possible for there to be supervised visitations until court date - just some ideas but please do as attorney advises.


It sounds like you are using your child to control the adult. Do you ask to take your child out of state? Do you tell his father of your travel plans? I get that it royally upset you. However, why are you actually mad? Was your child hurt? Did he return him late? You said you are breastfeeding, so when he goes with father are you sending pumped milk? Enough for the entire weekend? So the child wasn’t hungry or mistreated. You’re most likely mad because he didn’t ask and get permission. The “respect” factor. As a parent I understand that, but your anger is misplaced in keeping the child from what seems to be a healthy relationship with involved dad. Despite a sibling, lack of child support etc. You’re scared because he could have not brought your child back. So say that until a judge has a ruling with a custody/ visitation agreement that you can have enforced to ensure you know where your child is and with whom you have stopped visitation. Listen to your attorney, because unfortunately “respect” and “using a child as a way to control the other parent’s actions” are two issues that will make you look like you are after control rather then fair and equitable visitation and co-parenting goals. A judge is likely to look down upon that; as neither issue is what’s best for the child. Also, be aware that child support is a completely separate issue then visitation. One does not affect the other. File a child support case via the state and let them enforce the order.


With that track record of being immature, toxic and petty…STICK TO THE COURTS AND YOUR LAWYERS ADVISE!!!


I’d do what my lawyer says to do best of luck

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Your paying for a lawyer. Listen to her. Why didnt you call the cops? I sure the hell would of if I were your shoes.


I’ve personally been through this. The judge will not be impressed he took him out of state without letting you know


Listen to your lawyer. That’s why you hired one

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For one I wouldn’t let him see his son until after ur hearing. And as for diapers ect ask the court for him to pay child support, and I would go thru the child support agency if they grant you for him to pay it that way you can have them take it directly out of his paychecks. As for the out of state issue unfortunately even if the court grants him a couple days out of the week there is nothing you can do. If it’s his time he can go out of state as long as he is back and on time when it’s ur scheduled time (which sucks especially with Covid going on right now) but that is one thing you can tell the judge. Tell the judge that due to Covid and ur child being so young you are afraid of him contracting Covid when he goes out of state and that potential could give you Covid especially when you are not being notified that he had been out of state.

He’s not on the birth certificate he has zero rights DNA test means nothing. Listen to your lawyer because the judge won’t take you seriously if you keep doing the opposite. You’ll probably end up with 50/50 where you get the child monday - Thursday then he gets Thursday-Sunday … and on his time he wouldn’t have to contact you unless it’s an emergency… if there’s a certain way you want things to work out I would listen to the lawyer .


Listen to your lawyer, end of story


If he is not on the birth certificate and has not signed an acknowledgement of paternity I would not allow him to take the child unsupervised until you at least have a court date regarding temporary custody and visitation .


Don’t let him see or speak to your son until you go to court and see what the judge says

Sadly I have my sons father on child support and I’ll get a month here and there. Just because he’s on it doesn’t mean you will get it. The system is so messed up

Child support and visitation are two separate issues. I would listen to your attorney but then again I have seen parents lose most in court when they deny visits. I understand there isn’t a court order right now but it can always come back at you for being petty. Also with going out of state….if there isn’t a court order he can technically do what he wants on his time just like you can. Also be careful for what you ask for. If you wouldn’t want a restriction placed on you for something don’t ask it for him. If it’s fair for one parent it is fair game to the one asking for it.


Your lawyer is there to protect you, if you don’t listen to what they are saying it will come back to bite you. Instant red flag whenever someone says “we can do it without the court”.

I think u know the answer but are scared of how the father will react and the fact u think it will effect your kid ( if u are breast feeding then I’m assuming young enough not to remember). Let the court handle it and until then he doesn’t have the child, what if something happened and they were out of state ? Him not seeing how that was wrong is just raising red flags

After the hearing. You need strong communication about your child. Always. You need his utmost respect. Always. Follow advice of your attorney. Don’t get into to any contest with his girlfriend. Say nothing. Your his protector and you give him his nutrition ad well as all other basic needs.

He definitely crossed a line and was disrespectful. He can’t just take him out of state without asking you any mother or parent would be upset over that. Since he dosen’t want to communicate and just do whatever he pleases without thinking of your rights then taking him to court and getting things in writing is absolutely necessary, Listen to your attorney’s advice.


Go thru w court n let them deal w him! Let HIM tell THEM and the JUDGE he don’t have to pay a dime!! Lol
He got a rude awakening coming!!!
Raise your boy honey and keep doing the right thing. I would let the courts decide on his visits in which HE has to petition the court n all. So let HIM get HIM his visitations and you will see that’s a bother to him. Too much work, yada yada…TOO much effort!

I feel he is too young to take being he is on breast milk still. I would have let him visit with myself being present. Until court papers implement visitation rights & child support. Luckily nothing bad happened but you could have set yourself up for a bad circumstance. I know your trying to be fair, but get court papers in place for safety for all. God Speed​:pray::wilted_flower:

He has no visitation rights… not married and weren’t married for delivery… let the court take care of this. You tried, they will see that. Listen to your lawyer. If you still wanna let him see your son, Make it supervised until u goto court.

Do as your lawyer says. He’s still little it sounds, so he won’t know that you’re keeping him from dad just yet… crappy situation but yeah. He needs to pay to help take care of him. He played the game, now he has to take his prize.

Your ex has made himself clear. He won’t pay you anything and will disobey the law whenever he wants. If you let this man take that child one more time, you should give up your child to foster care. Get a little backbone. Stop talking to him. Your child can’t speak for themself, so you need to be the protector. This guy is bad news. The more you let him see his child, the less the court will be on your side. This has disaster written all over it. You didn’t listen to you’re attorney and call police? If you aren’t going to listen to your attorney them give up your child. Children need mama bears not wimpy mom’s. Toughen up girl and listen to your lawyer! This guy is bad news. Save this child!

Use his words. “Well this is why I’m taking you to court, I don’t have to let you see him right now.” But there’s no court order, so he’s basically SOL and even then you could possibly get supervised visits. Save all texts from him.

I would follow your attorneys advice

Always always follow your lawyers advice!

Listen to everything your lawyer is telling you to do. You need documentation of everything you are saying he’s doing…


Emergency recovery order!!! He’s not even on the BC. ffs

First, listen to your lawyer.
Second, no communication with him until after the court hearing.
Third, he’s not on the birth certificate so he was no rights. You tried to do good and let him see your baby but he made a bad decision when he went across state lines. You should have called the law when your attorney said. Also, it seems like he’s a douche. Just saying. Make sure you get every detail you want or don’t want straight with your lawyer before going to court.

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Honey, don’t ask anyone anything but your lawyer, she has the legal help you need. It concern me that you didn’t call the cops like she said to, that won’t help. Do exactly what your lawyer says & nothing else til court time is your best bet. If you need to, look into a restraining order. Be careful & the best of luck.

Please, please, for the love, please listen to your lawyer.

Listen to your lawyer

Follow lawyer’s advice

Follow attorneys advice. Do not give in to him! Tell him to contact your lawyer if he has questions

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My child's father took him out of state without my permission, what can I do?

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My child's father took him out of state without my permission, what can I do?

I would use the same answer he gave when he’s saying he wants to see your child… “that’s what court is for.” I would avoid contact until court… you have every reason to. Best of luck mama!


Listen to your lawyer. You should also try to get it so that you two communicate through a parenting app like "talking parents " or something, that way if he gets bad and you need to use you’re communication in court those app communication are better than regular text. Whatever your parenting plan is strict to it, dont shuffle it around you or him. Because once you guys start changing it then it will be hard to get back to what the court agreement was.


At the end of the day, you have been advised by your lawyer what to do, and anytime he badgers you respond with, ‘sorry, my lawyer has advised x, y, z’. To be fair though, if your ex isn’t a flight risk with your child, and he visits another state where’s the issue? Honestly, if my ex on his visitation weekend took the kids across the border, without letting me know, (he’s not a flight risk), and the kids came back and spilt the news, I’d be like , ‘sweet! The kids get an awesome experience that I don’t have to pay for’.


LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER AND CUT OFF CONTACT UNTIL THE COURT ORDERS VISITATION. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING - date, time, phone calls, keep all text msgs/emails, etc. Along with a brief description of the conversation


Never, ever use your child as a weapon or punishment. That being said make it non negotiable that he has to step up n help you out financially. He can see your son but now there are restrictions such as in your presence


I would listen to your lawyer. You hired them for a reason, they’re professionals and know how to best handle this. I recommend finding someone with a lot of experience in the field


Document, document, document. Listen to the advice of your attorney, follow the court’s orders to the letter, do not contact him, and keep it off of social media.


It’s a big no until he is court ordered. Make sure to tell the judge because of his age and also just be cause you guys are the parents you need communication and also communication if the take him out of state. He can’t be trusted and since he can’t be respectful just keep your child. Although he has no rights because obviously you were not married when the child was born. If he decided to not return the baby , he won’t have to because there is no court order specifying his visitation. There is alot of technicals when it comes to kids and visitation . So when you do have your day in court make sure to voice everything you want. It can be modified in the order.


It’s always smart to listen to your lawyer. In my personal experience though, the judges I’ve seen have frowned upon willingly keeping a child away from the other parent. There’s things you could do. You could facilitate a visit with supervision at your place or a comfortable neutral space. You could still send pictures and have them video chat. It’s really not fair to yank his parenting time no matter how disrespectful he is towards you. Hope things get worked out for y’all soon for the sake of that baby! He deserves both parents :blue_heart:


The laws could vary depending on what state you live in but if you live in the state of Texas this is my understanding for your problem.
It doesn’t matter that he’s not on the birth cert. you giving him parental responsibilities (i.e staying with him on the weekends and acknowledging that he is the father) still gives him parental rights. Therefore since he has parental rights he CAN take yalls son out of state. Since you all don’t have anything established in court…. He’s not technically doing anything wrong. You CAN call police of course (as anyone can) however, the issue is civil and police are not going to knock his door down and arrest him. The MOST they can do is document the situation and give you a call for service number you can reference back to court. But again, he’s not going to really be in any trouble.
Keep in mind, since you have given him parental rights your ex can keep your son for as long as he wants and you cannot file a missing persons report or a kidnapping report because you can’t kidnap your own child….
But that also means you can withhold y’all’s son from him until there is court documentation put in place. My advice to you? Go to court. It’s completely up to you if you decide to allow him to see your son until then but you run the risk of him finding out he technically doesn’t have to give y’all’s son back and there will be no consequences for him.


Man I pay 1700 a month child support and given 4500 extra in last 10 months and paying for food and school stuff for kids. And yet i can’t see my kids on a regular basis, more frequently then once a fought night and the kids really want mOre time with me. Not to mention the children cannot talk to me on snap chat without her present, follow them to room stand in door way. One child evem said i see mummy hiding out side the other sisters room listening amd interjecting and putting undue pressure on the children for 10 months now…

What can you do women have all the control regardless so they think… every one circumstances are different and that there is good and bad on both sides.

Less comms the better and keep it simple and to the point.


Please Listen To Your Lawyer!!!
Don’t Allow The Father To See The Child Until The Court Hearing…Also I Would Journal
Some Information About The Father’s Lack Of Support, The Out Of Town Trip, Fiancé’s Negative Remarks,…
It’s Sad You Have To Do This,
I Know From Experience,A
Divorce !!!:pray:t4::pray:t4::pray:t4:For You!

Definitely listen to your lawyer and call the police if needed. If nothing else just to make a report so that you have that as proof when you go for court


The money isn’t as important as safety. Wait until you have court instructions. Then he’ll have to obey them or be in contempt of court. Keep kids are.


If my baby’s father would have told me he didn’t want anything to do with my baby and he wanted to sign his rights awsy…that would have been the end of my communications with him. Pspers would have been sign.


go to court for custody or one day he wont bring him back i know it happen to my sister they said they would not look for him because no one had custody

Listen to your lawyer. Thats why you have one. When I was awarded full custody in the divorce I still let my ex see the kids off and on. I made him and his girlfriend sign a paper I wrote up giving them permission for out of state or overnight visits until court aince I represented myself. But I would tell him he could see him supervied. Because if hes not on the BC and there isnt custody established, he legally doesnt have any rights.

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Listen to your lawyer. Do not let that man take your child again without supervision. I know how mich that sucks! Bit, at this point, do you really want your child to disappear?


I think a until court appointed order, face time, msgs of updates on child only until court can be sorted. Safety 1st for the child and their care.

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Without a court hearing and a custody order. I wouldn’t let the father see him. If he takes him you will have no recourse. Get into court and get a court order that you are the custodial parent.


With an attitude like that from the dad I would be waiting for court. Make sure you have everything documented and supported with evidence as much as possible. You are the only protection your son has so you need to tough but fair. Children are not trophies and yes they need stuff so if he isn’t going to do some of the hard stuff why does he get the nice stuff. Been in your situation and I know it’s tough. You have to do everything in black and white… No in between.


Friendly neighborhood paralegal here: Listen to the lawyer. Call the police. Make the report. Have it documented. Record calls. Record any meetings (pick up & drop off). If he’s got a FB make sure you screen shot any posts regarding comments made about you. This isn’t about being spiteful, this is about protecting your child. Don’t engage in any arguments with him. Just let him run his mouth. Let the courts see how he behaves.


I don’t have any advice to give, I too do verbal child share things with my kids dad and he sees him even less. If he is taking your child without your consent out of state or even anywhere, there is no respect in the verbal parenting plan and yes, I too in that case would wait until court.


As a responsible dad, I agree. Wait for court. He should be paying towards his kids too!! This kind of thing makes me rage :sweat:


You are denying a child access to his father… Unless he is a danger to the child stop being selfish and disrespecting your own child. The courts will deal with the money and communication issue. Try and be a good human and stop using your power to exercise control its your child you are hurting.

If you continue to stop access the judge should give his father custody and let you have access… How would that feel? So many women do this, fml


Sometimes you have to love your kids more than you hate their dads.


Listen to your lawyer because he can take off with your son and you would never find him. I wouldn’t trust him at this point. Stand your ground Mama! And I would shoot for sole custody with supervised visitation till he gets his head out of his controlling ass.

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Just don’t let him have him til after the court makes a decision. Quit letting him choose how to be the father on his terms. Babies are expensive and you are being way too kind.


One get paper on him stating he can not take the children out of state.two put on paper how much is he giving for child support. If this dosent work file for custodial and listen to your lawyer. Best of luck.

He is bitter ! You can not trust him you or your baby. Do not trust him!! Do what your lawyer tells you. Also change the locks on your out side doors.

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As he has relinquished parental rights and doesnt pay support, cut him out of your son’s life. You should have called the cops like your lawyer said. In effect he was kidnapping.


Listen to your lawyer. Just because he helped make that baby doesn’t mean he’s ready to be a parent. Don’t allow him opportunities to do something stupid. There is no road I won’t take to protect my children from anyone including their father. Also, you can’t go to court asking for this and that and allowing something else to happen. I learned that from personal experience

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Noooooo what till the hearing and be a damn advocate for your kid…father isn’t doing right with him no communication…no diapers…DO not let you baby go with him. May not get him back …I wouldn’t do overnights anyway until baby is older and can speak and is off the breast.

Until there is a court order he can straight up take him for as long as he wants wherever he wants… just went through this with 3. Hang in there momma you’re doing the right thing. Wait for a court order

You have to put your child’s safety & welfare first. Wait for the official court ruling, his previous actions show he can’t be trusted at the least it’s thoughtless disrespect at the worst it’s kidnapping!

It sounds like he could be the sort of person to harm the child out of spite so I wouldn’t take the chance.

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Not a mother here but quite frankly, unless you have better reasons than what you’ve listed, you’re using your son and keeping him from his father as a way to get back at the man. That’s pretty disrespectful towards YOUR SON and you can’t do that as a parent if you want that child to grow up to be better. Yes, take him to court and figure out custody and child support. Don’t let that slide. But taking him out of state for a day? What does that matter? What did it matter that he wanted to be with his son? Yes, he probably should have told you but that’s an issue of you guys’s communication. Not letting him see his son now is only harking the baby. If you were concerned he was going to take off in the night and flee the state with your son that would be a completely different story.

Take it from someone watching a little boy grow up without one of his parents right now because she doesn’t want to be involved. At least appreciate that he wants to be there and see his son. Don’t pressure the dude in to growing more distant and trying to dip out altogether. Deal with custody arrangements and child support through the courts, but don’t use that baby as a pawn.


Why would you ask for HELP now since you wouldn’t call the cops? You allowed this to happen. Now he has an instant family, A wife, and 2 kids. I hope you get your kid back, but this is a lesson learned!

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Yikes this dude sounds like a horrible influence. Yes he needs to respect that you are the primary carer and he has chosen exactly not to be. He needs to notify you of where he is taking your child and return the child by whatever time you’ve required. He should be willing to share what they’re up to during the day. IF he can’t do this then you need to go out with them or just say no

without full custody order he can take your son legally and never give him back. Go to court

He’s right, you gotta take him to court. Otherwise this won’t stop. Don’t let him see your child or have anything to do with him until you see him in court.

Sounds like nothing happened to your son. You chose the father and he has rights. If it’s not in a custody agreement, then the cops can’t do anything about him taking his own son anywhere. Coparenting isn’t easy and both of you being petty will only make it worse for tour son. How about you pick your battles and do what’s best for your son?

Do what your attorney says. Do not take the dad’s word for nothing! Get EVERYTHING in black & white thru the courts. If he wants to take him out of state for any reason he should notify you w/address & where or who’s he going to see & or stay with. He needs to notify w/with in 24 hrs of deciding he’s going. The only thing that sucks if the dad doesn’t go by the courts they know it’s going to cost you a ton of $$$ & not always but, in most cases the men make more money & knows its going to cost at least $3,000-$5,000 to retain your attorney again. It sucks! Good luck

Situations like this start off friendly and quickly go downhill. You need legal papers drawn up that document child support payments and a custody arrangement. Due to my ex-husband’s not paying child support for a year, I ended up taking him back to court and his pay was garnished. My son is now a grown man and we survived!

To me (in totally different situation), if baby daddy can’t act like an adult and keep the CHILDS best interest in heart which means communication, then no, for childs safety he does NOT get visitations outside the home that are supervised aka your home. Even if he isn’t being a father to another child, but is to yours, I wouldn’t hold that against him but again, visitations would be supervised in my home. Personally, I’d listen to your lawyer. Wait until court when things are set in black and white and after everything is settled with court follow those rules. Many times parents do make it that neither parent can leave state without the others permission. I also know that many states do NOT just let you sign rights away just because you don’t want the child. Typically, you have to get married, be married two years, then they have to sign their rights away to the husband and the husband then has to legally adopt them. Many women seem to think for some reason that paying money equals being a father. A man can pay child support all day long and still not be a father to his child. He can pay nothing at all be an amazing father to his child, money doesn’t change that. As a single mother years ago, I learned that regardless of what my baby daddy did or didn’t do, I was gonna make it and provide for my kids. Basically, that’s probably what you’ll have to do as well. Baby daddys aren’t paychecks. If he is behind with the other kid, its likely he’ll get behind with you and the state will book him and then he won’t have to pay while he is in there and if he isn’t holding a job then obvs no taxes for them to garnish either. Pick and choose your battles. I’d say stick to your guns on keeping him from baby until court and then just do what you gotta do.

Non support monetary for 6 months you can file for him to lose all his parental rights, this is in Ga. Tell your lawyer you want the father’s rights revoked.

Was he returned on time? Or was he late?


Listen to your lawyer. Without a court document detailing who has physical custody and the obligations of each party regarding visitation, he could take your child and go live in another state and it would be difficult and expensive to get your child back.

First of all you did it all without involving the courts…big…huge mistake. You cannot do anything about non payment or him taking him over state lines because there’s no court order. You can call p.d but they will want that court order in hand and they will tell you it’s not kidnapping or anything unless there’s a court order filed. Now that you went through that maybe it’s time to start something up with the courts and always have documentation of things. Texts, calls, or anything. But remember this is for the Child’s benefit. Don’t be using the child (not saying you will) to hurt or anything because you hurt the child. At times it is difficult to be with someone like that follow what needs to be followed. But keep taking him to court every time he messes up. Until he learns that it’s about the child and not him and you.

From now on listen to ur lawyer and stand your ground! Also save and print out all the stupid texts regarding your son and give it to ur lawyer to present it to the judge.

Unless there’s an order requiring a certain amount of notice for an out of state trip I don’t see the problem… “Out of State” sounds so dramatic but is it across the state of Texas to Louisiana orrrr like an hour drive from NH to Boston Mass?? Why did they go? To visit family? A Museum? Without giving any context, this just screams pettiness to me! Personally, I feel like it’s a problem if you can’t somehow provide your own baby with diapers…


I went through something similar. I wld avoid having your son leave your sight until there’s a court order in place otherwise he doesn’t legally have to hand him back to you.

I wouldnt let him have him until a judge says so and how often and that he cant take him across state lines.

If the kid isn’t being harmed and is being returned on time it really shouldn’t be an issue.

Never ever settle anything between spouses out of court !!!

If he is on the BC you can get ‘ordered’ child support. If they don’t pay, it is garnished out of their paycheck…if you be so lucky you have one that actually works…ot their tax return, or they can’t renew any licenses he may have…or a number of things. There is no excuse for one parent to neglect their child monetarily! If you didn’t go to court, go. Get paternity established and visitation clearly written out. (A parent may never just elect to ‘sign off’ their rights if their name is on the BC or if at the time you had baby, you were married to him. ( Even if you both green and baby comes out purple…definitely NOT yours) if you married to the mom at the time of conception up till birth…you the legal daddy! (Unless you were in a LEGAL SEPARATION during that time.) Courts want someone to take care of baby. Only way you can become ‘irresponsible’ is if the other party remarries or marries and the new spouse wants to adopt and legally sign to be the new responsible party. Do it legal in court…lots of things people don’t know.

Stand your ground and wait till court have no contact with him

Get to court asap. Follow your attorneys advice…unless you too wish to join the ex on negligent parent…imminent danger list.

Your lawyer told you what to do call the cops lol why ask for advice when you don’t do the actual legal advice given to you?

You hired your lawyer for a reason…