My daughter and her boyfriend live with me but neither of them help out: Advice?

I’m your daughter in this situation. I give my grandma money when I can, when she really needs it. Otherwise she rather I save my money so I can move out.

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Kick them to the curb

Once I got my first job at 18 I started helping with rent and utilities and food about 200 or more a month plus helped out with chores, just because she is the “child” doesn’t mean she should be lacking in responsibility other wise once she’s on her own she’ll learn real fast and hard how real life can be. Skating by on your parents is ridiculous once you are a legal adult having help from them is one thing but your daughter and her boyfriend are taking advantage of you and your home. Stand by your choice and don’t let them push you around anymore.

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My 18 year old pay $700 a month in rent and does chores it’s not your job to support them

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At 16 I had my first job & went to high school, eventually I was almost working full time work n school, my paychecks went to bill contributions at my house, groceries or whatever was needed, the remainder I saved for my own car. Parents were strick so no bf, especially not in the home. I believe that if we are old enough to be involved in ao romantic intimate relationship then we are old enough to pay Bill’s or at least some & be self sufficient cuz in this world nothing is free and even when we leave it’s expensive to have a funeral.

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Ma’am I have three kids I raised them on my own and they all three will tell you after you turn the age of 18 your parents don’t have to do nothing for you if they do they do it because they love you not because they have to… that daughter of yours is laying a guilt trip on you and it’s working I know you love your daughter so the only way you can help her ass make her stand on her own two feet if something happened to you she’s not going to know how to do anything because you’re not making her stand on her own feet… now it’s okay to help your child out if you can but it is observed to keep supporting her child after the age of 18 and not making them do what they supposed to do

Once they turn 18 they are adults. There is nothing wrong with a mom helping her child but it sounds like they’re disrespectful. They should want to help you.

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Simple they pay thier way or get out.

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let them learn the hard way what life is all about

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Stay in school or pay rent period!

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You’ve raised her, she’s an adult. She needs to start acting like one. They should be greatful & want to help. Send him packing, if she wants to go that’s her choice. If she stays she can at least help around the house or she can go with him.You’ve done your job. You should be enjoying your life. Good luck.

I didn’t pay anything to my parents at 18. I used the money I made working part time to pay for gas and food.
Once I got a real job out of college at 22, I immediately paid for all my own bills and found a place within 3 months.
You need to have a talk with her. She needs to get her stuff together. You need to lay down the expectations of your household. Don’t just kick people out during a pandemic.
If you want to live here: pay half of the utilities and contribute to chores is a start.

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Let your daughter go.

I would kick him out in a heartbeat! He was never invited in by you, never approved by you, so kick him out for sure. If your daughter chooses to leave, that’s on her. Once she’s out on her own, trust me she will come running back home where shes always been taken care of. Maybe it will teach her that nothing is free and she is an adult now with responsibilities! If she doesn’t go to school or pay at least one bill, let her be gone! The fact that it’s taking a strain on your relationship is sad. Do what you need for yourself! Good luck to you

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I am 25 and will be 26 next month and have a 5 year old son. The last 4.5 years have been very hard on me so for the last 3 I’ve stayed with my father. Anytime I could hold a job I have and paid him $125 a week, and whether or not I’m working I have to clean the house, do laundry, currently putting myself through school, cook dinner, and care for 4 cats and my son.
You need to set down some rules and do not budge on them. Even before my son if I stayed with my dad I was expected to clean and if I refused after so long he’d kick me out.

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You’re doing nothing wrong but if you don’t follow through and stop it now it never will end. Let your daughter know that is her choice. She has a place with you if she’s willing to be mature and help. If not she can figure it out herself. She is an adult now.

You are the mom. Put your foot down. If she wants to sleep on the streets that was soley her.choice. you can’t allow them to walk over you. You are not wrong at all!! She’s just mad and throwing a fit. One.night if sleeping outside shell realize how dumb she was. And how giving you were. All they had to do was Help if they wanted to be there

Give them an ultimatum. They either pay their way and help out around the house or you will get the sherrif to kick them out.

Tell them to get out. Theyll use you all they can. Been there and they grow up when they have to leave

Honestly, thats your own dumbness. No man should ever move in with a woman. Hes supposed to be a provider, so allowing her boyfriend in your home was your fault. Im 33 and never brought a guy to my moms other than my husband for holiday dinners. Sounds like she was raised with no boundaries. My mom didn’t play that “house” shit. 18 is just a number and doesn’t make anyone grown. If she wasn’t in college she should’ve been working toward her own establishment. No child of mine will be paying bills at my house. Parents think it teaches responsibility but really its just them having some sense of entitlement. She can do what she wants in her own house but youre late on discipline and boundaries.

Kick them out. If they want to be grown adults. Make them be. Simple. You aren’t doing them any life favors. It’s called enabling.

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Talk with your daughter, not to her. (And most certainly not with the internet :wink: )

There relationship is not your responsibility . If they are not mature enough to pay there way then they shouldn’t be in such a serious relationship if it is holding them back from being responsible adults

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Start asking for rent. If you have to, type up two notices, sign and date then both and take pictures of you either handing it to her or putting it in/around her room

You being taken advantage of! And it won’t stop until you stop it. They are enjoying the good life.

When everyone if my kids finished school they had the choice of either college or getting a job and putting me rent, there was no other option and they all got jobs and payed me rent. It wasn’t much but it was enough to help and to teach them responsibility, they all also had to pay for anything personal on their own. If they had a bf/gf move in with them then the rent went up by 50%. Don’t feel guilty it’s your job to get them ready for the world and this is a part of it. All of my kids now live in their own and are doing great.

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You praised her, I would have a serious sit-down with both of them and let them know that if they don’t start helping you around the house and cleaning up after themselves, getting a job and going to school to make something of themselves instead of just sitting around that they can no longer live with you and give them a period of 3 months to get a job start helping you with some bills and going to school. If they don’t comply kick her out and the boyfriend.

I’ve told my kid and my kid is only 10 and I’ve told my kid recently that by the time they are old enough to get a job and go to college they are required to do that. They will pay me rent( so I can put it in a bank account for them) so that my child can continue living under my roof. It’s not because I’m a monster mom or I’m strict it’s because I’m trying to teach my child responsibility.

Your being taken advantage of. Boyfriend needs to go asap. Your daughter can start being responsible and help out if she wants to stay or move out. Shes an adult now the choice is hers but stop enabling them.

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Yikes my mother never would have allowed boys to stay I also did not allow boys to say when I had girls I know when I was about to graduate my mother said to me you’re graduating on I don’t know what’s like Wednesday or Thursday you better get a job I had a job and started working on Monday and continued I gave my parents I think $15 a week or a month I don’t know back then it was in there it was 1960 but I did give them money when I moved out to get married they gave it back to me they had saved it but I didn’t know that and even now I wouldn’t if my girls needed to stay with me they’re both married but let’s say they were not married even at the age they are and I guess you can take it from the fact that I graduated in 60 I’m in my late 70s my girls are both in their mid to Upper 50s I wouldn’t like it if somebody just stayed overnight with them maybe if they’d been living together for a while but I know it’s my age but I have a hard time with there’s a lot of that now one of my granddaughters lives with somebody you know it’s saying she has a kid he has to be at just the way it is nowadays I accept it that’s their lifestyle it wouldn’t be for me although it I might because of my age if I had met somebody that I wanted to be with at that age no

I charge $50 a week to any “grown” children living with us. All guest/ company must be pre approved, I don’t run a hotel. They are also responsible for their own hygiene and household items like laundry soap etc, and snack foods. I will provide one meal (supper) everyday. If they don’t like it, they know where the door is and I will not be guilted into feeling sorry for them if they CHOOSE to be homeless because they don’t like the rules. Also, They are expected to pick up after themselves. If i’m cleaning and your stuff is in the floor, it’s getting swept up and trashed with everything else that I swept up. Also, I am NOT a taxi, a maid or a laundry service. They have certain chores that are required of them. Sorry, not sorry. Got fed up with grown children using us. I had to pay rent my senior year of high school so I don’t feel sorry for adult children that don’t want to act like an adult.

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So inconsiderate of them.

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18 is cut off time. Boot them out. Not your problem.

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That is so dumb if they move out he will go back to his home and she will be homeless sorry to sound so harsh but that is so stupid of her to say that. If she cant open her eyes let her go and dont feel sorry either. I know its hard but I was once there at that age but I would help my mother because she has helped me. Let her figure out that her boyfriend is an idiot if they move out he will go back home and she will be out on the streets. That is not a boyfriend if he would let her do that. My now seperated husband for other reasons lol well we have been homeless before and even on our own and when we were homeless he looked high and low for ways to get us a place even if that meant a shelter until he or we found work in which he did eventually and we moved out on our own. If he wouldnt do that for her hes a scum and she needs to get out. If thats the only way she will see that then let her go and dont let her back unless she gets a job and starts helping.

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Kick them out they are taking advantage of you but you have to mean it it’s call tough love

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They contribute or they get out. They are both old enough to now have jobs and help you financially, even if it’s buying the food for the house or picking a couple of the utilities to pay.

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When I lived with my mom as an adult, she didn’t ask for rent. But she asked I help with groceries and some utilities every so often. And it wasn’t a problem… have a sit down. Tell them what u expect and if they cant do that then they get booted :woman_shrugging: its time that they start stepping up. They wont always get a free ride.

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They have jobs. Teach them a life lesson. Pay rent or get out. Sometimes ‘tough love’ is the answer and usually don’t have to be tough much longer than the point you’re making sinks in. They will adapt.

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Tell them bye. Time for them to be adults and make their own way in life and quit sponging off mama.

It may be painful but she will come around. First hand experience here. They will always realize you did it for their own good. Even mama birds push their young out the nest.

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If she doesn’t learn how to look after herself now when will she? Sounds like tough love is needed.

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Beat her ass. Kick his out.

Give
Them a ultimatum tell they need to move out and find a place don’t let her make her feel guilty she can find a place to stay

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Tough love is necessary. Most “kids” wont grow up and be adults as long as the hand is still feeding them

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You’re feeling guilt when you should be feeling nothing. They are both taking advantage of you - unacceptable!!! Kick them out ASAP!!!

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Are they saving up to get a place? If this is the case then it might take a little time to get up enough money. If they are just partying then I would lay it on the line. Do they help with the housework? You shouldn’t have to lift a finger if your floating their boat. It all boils down to ethics and being respectful. Things that should be instilled in the beginning of a young life.

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Don’t let her take advantage of you. Tell her she needs to start paying some board and bills or she will never be able to survive on her own out in the real world.

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I would kick him out immediately. If she chooses to go, that’s her choice. Let her know she has a home with you.

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You done more than enough!!! Out, out, out damn spot of daughter n boyfriend

Yes that’s their way today lean on you not a care in the world yeh she wants her man let them go

Stop buying groceries and paying the utilities until they leave!

I think if shes working then she can pay…If anything take the money she gives u and put it into a separate account for her so when she is ready to move out she has smth saved…Also make her give u a set apon amount every week that she saves keep the rest of the money a secret until shes ready to move out as far as the boyfriend…You have 0 obligation to him…He wants to stay he needs to pay eod…He dont want to he can leave plain and simple…

Stand your ground. It’s hard but you’re enabling her to not be independent. This is when you really need to be a parent.

Tough love they need to help out if they don’t tell them to move out they should have the respect to help out

Either help with the bills or find a place to rent. They can afford it if both of them are working. That’s very fair. And much better than paying all the bills on their own.

I don’t think it’d be too much to ask for them to pull their own weight. The boyfriend could pay some sort of rent as well as your daughter could pay a bill (electricity, cable, or something) and even help buy some groceries OR/AND they can purchase their own groceries

Are you weak minded?? The hell if my daughter comes with a boyfriend n want to stay in the house. They are going to pay rent; clean house, keep yard up, n pay me 400 bucks a month. N the hell if my boyfriend is going to live because of them , they’re going first.

Was your daughter not working and not helping you around the house bothering you prior to your man/her man moving in? Your man left to save y’all relationship?? Idk what’s wrong with parents and their mindset of once of child turns 18, they’re on their own. You know it’s hard out here on your own but you’ll let your daughter leave if that’s her choice? You feel the guilt because you know that’s wrong. Daughter gotta have a life too and you should be there for her no matter the circumstance

Stick to your guns and get them out of the house. Don’t allow yourself to be used. She’s using guilt to get what she wants. Don’t let it happen.

Trying to manipulate the situation to continue to get the free ride. She needs to be helping out. Maybe a couple nights on the street and she will stop abusing you🤷🏼‍♀️. Either way you don’t have to fully support either of them and shouldn’t be.

Everyone in a family should help and so their part (i.e chores). However, I would never charge my kids to live with me as long as they are working towards something such as an education, career, a home of their own etc… if mychild wants to live like adult by living with her partner that’s when I stop paying. She needs to understand what it is to be an adult.

Keep your feet firm on the ground, she might thank you later.

Tell ur daughter that u are caring and generous and she can stay with u but not her boy friend.u are not pushing her to leave its her boy friend for whom she is leaving

I am in this same predicament but my almost 20 year old has a almost 1 year. My daughter helps a lot but the problem is her baby daddy. He is lazy, wont help pay for nothing, he wont even as much as get up and watch his child while my daughter works so I have to get up early. I put in roughly 150-160 every 2 weeks and he doesn’t work. I would kick him out but I know my daughter would go and my grandbaby would be without a stable home. I am between a rock and a hard and place. Sorry I dont have any suggestions but i most definitely know how u feel.

As an 19 year, if it wasn’t for my mom kicking me out of the nest right after I graduatedhigh school, i wouldn’t have learned how to live on my own and support myself. I learned a lot about financing, independence and how to swallow my pride. It would be the best for you to get her out of the house if she isn’t helping with bills and chores especially now that she has a job and the balls to stand up to you with her boyfriend

If my children live with me. They have to have a job and we split the bills. They don’t like it they know where the door is. I’m not going to be broke and they buy what they want. Not gonna happen

Set rules and stick to them, give them a time frame they have to be in own place. Stick with it or you will be sugar Mama rest of your life, they are young, healthy, able to work. Love works both ways. They should help.:innocent:

when I was 18, I had to pay rent at my moms. not even a issue. Can’t live anywhere for free so as an adult get it together.

Your home…your money…YOUR RULES…sometimes you have to let them figure it out on their own or it will NEVER end!!!

Kick her ass out! Period!!

Get rid of him now. If she doesnt help out just let her go also. My mom is in literally the same exact situation with her daughter and her bf. But now she is 32 and he is almost 45 and she is still supporting them for almost 10 years! My mom is so unhappy and they disrespect my mom. My mom thought she was helping them because they have a daughter but things are out of control. Do not let it get like that! Now she wants them out and has to do it legally through the court. Better now than later!

You’re the mom. Tell them they need to start being adults and helping out or they need to make other living arrangements.

I’m not even going to give an opinion… These :point_down::point_down: awesome folks have said everything right…

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