My daughter came out to me: Advice?

What would you do if your 13-year-old daughter came out to you? She said she thinks she may be bi and doesn’t want me to say anything to her dad because she knows he will react badly…idk what to say to her but I want to support her even though it IS against my religion…so idk how to be there for her


If Christian I would tell her to read what the Bible says about male with male and female with female. I would let her know Gods word does not change with time. She is only 13 and seeking self, just point in right direction.


You tell her you hear her and you love her. And always will.


Personally, I don’t think religion should have anything to do with your child’s decision on who she decides to be with. She probably just wants to be able to talk about her experiences and share her journey with you without any judgment. Just listen to her and guide her in the best way possible no different then if she were to be with a boy. Also you could try and attend some LGBTQ groups with her so you both can have a better understanding and listen to some other stories of people as well so you know how to better support her.


Religion or not, you put HER feelings first 100% of the time. It probably took a lot for her to come out to you, you need to make her feel supported and loved. End of story. If you need time to wrap your own head around it, or sort out your own feelings about it, then do that on your own time. Making sure she feels like you love and support her is key.


I’m assuming you’re a Christian. God is about love not judgement. Love your child. That is the best thing you can do.


You support your child and respect their wishes. Love them like you always have.


I told my daughter I love her no matter what she does. She knows where I stand and that it’s a conversation she needs to have with God. It’s between her and him I’ll love her no matter what. And God loves her no matter what.


Realise that if they are bi, God made them that way. You need to continue to love and support them as you always have. If God has given you a challenge, step up to it and show love and compassion.


Tell her you love her! She is who she is and if your religion sais otherwise well the religion is wrong


As a parent of an openly gay child, it is important to let your child know that you love them. It is hard for them to come out to their parents. The stigma associated with homosexuality and the unacceptance from some of society is hard enough for them. As it relates to the religious aspect, there is only one judge that we all have to answer to at the end of our time here and none of us should be judging another.
Seek out a good support group for yourself and your child. It’s a cruel world out there. Knowledge and support is important. Love your child and remind them they are loved often.


At that age, ot could be just experimental. Be supportive and let her know that you love her no matter what. Also remind her to keep an open mind somehow tactfully. Keep religion out of it.


You support her, you don’t tell dad, you love her and let her know that you are there for you


I think at 13, you might be too young to really know your sexuality. I would keep it more quiet until she develops more and figures herself out…


She will love who she loves with or without you or your religious beliefs… so love her, support her, and teach your self, but it shouldn’t be made a big deal. I would never want my child to “come out” to me! I just want her to bring home her significant other no matter gender, race, religion… a human is a human and everyone deserves love and respect … including your daughter 💕

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Just remember it’s not your job to judge only love

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Why or how is this even a question? Support her anyways?.. She’s your daughter, regardless of her choices in life, LOVE HER. She will remember who supported her and who didn’t. When I came out as pansexual at age 12 a lot of my religious family were dumbfounded and kept telling me things like… “Its just a phase” “its the devils work” “your mother would be disappointed/rolling in her grave” … I made the executive decision to either cut them out of my life completely or minimize their involvement in my life. You know who accepted me fully? My step mom and dad. They still accept me after almost 10 years of being out and I cherish that every day because I could’ve had parents who HATED me just for loving someone out of their own normal. You never know what she’s going through. At school, I was bullied and even got nasty notes in my locker and taped around it for everyone to see. Derogatory remarks and death threats… I wanted to die. Can’t imagine how much harder it would’ve been if my own parents rejected me too. Food for thought. Just make sure she knows you love her no matter what. Make sure not to let anyone change your status or support for her, even her dad.

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Find a parent support group ASAP. You say I’m glad you came to me and I love you. Don’t judge or preach. You love her the same way you did before. Go get therapy as a family

Both of my daughters and our son came out in their early teens. My daughters both identified as bi. Today, my oldest daughter is married, and has 5 kids, my second daughter is married with no kids. Son is still single, but i look forward to the day he too finds a life partner. I simply loved and supported each of them.

If your religion tells you that you should not love your lgbtq+ child, you’re doing it wrong. Jesus taught love without judgment.

Just be there. Love her. Support her. Don’t shame her. Let her come to you. It’s really not that hard. Help her develop healthy boundaries, teach her to respect herself, model healthy relationships. Then when she comes to you about someone she’s interested in, don’t overthink it. Treat it like you would any relationship, whether it’s a boy, a girl, someone who is gender-fluid, etc. You are supposed to be her safe space, and clearly she sees you as such if she came to you.

I’d say get a dictionary but I dont want to seem jurassic so google “unconditional love” and if that dont work try “altruism”, if your personal faith makes you ignore either of those with regards to your own child then your soul is in trouble


My advice I have a son who’s gay…#1 we are not judge jury and executioner…#2… im sure she’d going thru her own inner struggles w acceptance/self and other wise…#3 suicide rate, self harm, depression are high among lbgtq individuals…id rather have a lbgtq child then a deceased one…support is needed …no matter wht or who your child is she is still yours…I live my son more then life itself…and his orientation isn’t my choice…it’s not supposed to be…its his…and I choose to support him over anyone!! Proud to be his mama!!


My mom was really against my sister over religion reasons. She wouldn’t allow it for the longest time she always tried to change my sister. Until one day I was going for a ride with my mom and I talked to her. I told her that my sister showed plenty of signs and we knew it wasn’t a surprise. And I asked my mom if she wants completely lose my sister or she could accept it in her own way. Now my sister is married to a female and my mom accepts my sister and her wife. My mom chose her child over her personal feelings.


Nothing is not going to change how and who she is!!! So just love her and support her!!!:rainbow:


You support your child.
You love your child.
And you recognize that your God would never want you to abandon your child because of who they are attracted to.
Because love is supposed to be unconditional.

This personal information your daughter has decided to share has nothing to do with religion. She was born this way. The only thing you should do is be her mother, support her and ensure she is loved, feels safe and is happy!


Honestly just don’t treat her any different than if she told you she was straight.

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It’s not against yr religion, The scriptures have been translated incorrectly. With that, support ur child and love her like Jesus does.


Support her and love her through it. She is probably terrified of rejection and rejecting her would be the biggest mistake made.

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She is who she is. Luv her just as you always would. Doesn’t change who she is.

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Might just be a phase the popular thing to do right now. Just go with it yet don’t encourage it.


First thing. She said she thinks and she’s only 13 and is very young which means she’s not sure so give her time it will work it’s way out


Don’t make it a big deal. Just tell her you love her and always will. More than likely it’s just a phase and the less you react to it, the faster it will phase out. My daughter said the same thing and I said okay? And laughed. She asked if I was mad, i said nope, I love her regardless of who she chooses to love. Lasted maybe 3 months before she said she was straight :rofl: even still, I meant every word. I’d love her anyway.

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You love her the same way, nothing about her has changed, she is still your same daughter. If there is ever a time where you have to pick between a religion or your child, then you know you’re in the wrong religion.


It is probably also “against your religion” to use any form of birth control, to have any sexual desire, to think of yourself better than someone else, to want money or material objects, to consume more than what is needed for basic life, to be angry, lie or envious and most importantly to judge others. Your daughter didn’t ask to be here, she didn’t make this decision. It is how she is, if you believe it God it is how He created her and it is a sin to pretend to be someone you’re not. If you can’t truly support her, you need to let her know and point her to the right direction of people who can. If you truly love her you can agree to disagree and still love her

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My 13 Yr old did a while back. I’ll love her regardless. She talks openly If likes a girl. I listen, treat her no different to before.

Just tell her you love her I came out to my mom when I was that age and my mom thought it would be just a phase no I’m grown and still am bi all I can say is treat her like you normally would tell her you love her my mom just told me as long as my partner treats me right she doesn’t care

my 12 year old did. i told her i support whatever she thinks. it may or may not change but at the end of the day its your baby and thier choice. love and respect it.

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As a Christian myself, love her and support her, because the world is ugly enough as it is and going to be unkind to her, even more so for not fitting into the “societal norm.” She’s going to need you to be her safe place to come to during a storm, momma. Love her regardless, because she’s your daughter. Support her regardless, because she’s your daughter. Her relationship with God is just that, hers. We are supposed to love and support each other through this life, not judge each other or chastise each other because of differing beliefs and values. Love her and support her, momma; she’s going to need you no matter what. :heart:

Support her! My daughter did the same and she’s a year younger. Her dad is deceased but her step dad even supported her. She probably isn’t even sure cause my daughter definitely isn’t sure but we Support her.

My daughter is gay and I couldn’t be prouder of her. She is my child and always will be. She is blessed because her family supports her and let someone hurt her ,she has 2 brothers that I wouldn’t mess with,lol

Just love and accept her for who and how she is! Embrace her! Her sexual preference does not change her, she is still your beautiful daughter :heart:

Who would care? Beside her dad / maybe some family. Be glad she has come to you to talk to. Love her for who she is… Not for what her sexual preferences are. She’s your daughter…not a " preference "

You just be there showing her that you love her unconditionally and always will. And that you accept her just the way she is.

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I’d be curious to know what religion that is, since homosexuality isn’t mentioned in the scripture, seeing as “sexual orientation” wasn’t really a thing in biblical times… While marriage between a man & woman is mentioned sexual orientation is not… :thinking:

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She is your daughter and nothing has change that, so you support her the same way you always have. Love is love :heart:

Religion doesn’t matter. Support your child.

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You love her and support her, kids need that these days too many children killing themselves because they are afraid to be who they feel they are. And regardless of you and your husbands religion she deserves to be supported. Don’t shove the Bible in her face that won’t help it’ll make her feel worse, when it comes down to it the choices she makes in her life are hers and she will be the one when the time comes to face the big man upstairs and explain herself if it comes down to that. That is your child regardless.

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Join a different church. There actually isn’t anything in the Bible that says being bi or gay is a sin. Congregational Churches are open and affirming… Join one. If your child is 13 she’s figuring it all out. Let you know you accept and love her and whatever she is will be great. Focus on teaching her about healthy respectful relationships… imo that’s the most important thing for young people of any sexual orientation to learn about.

Nothing… is more important than her. Support her.

You love her and support her. You accept her and defend her.

Your relationship with your child comes before your religious beliefs. Don’t ruin it.

Love your child no matter what, I came out as bi and now 2 of my daughters came out as well

Religion doesn’t come before your love for your daughter.


Our son came out to us and my husband was trying to understand why and it’s like I told him it isn’t our job to understand it’s just our job to love them and support whatever makes them happy. You don’t have to agree with it but that’s your baby and no matter what you love them.

You say ok, tell her you love her and continue on with your day, there is no issue here, she’s your daughter and love is love.

Do NOT be fooled by religious camps geared towards “correcting” gay behaviors. They say it’s a retreat camp to “work through the feelings” and one way they do this is by tying your kids arms down, showing homosexual images while a giant block of ice sits in your kid’s tied down hand so they associate that pain with those images. Your daughter knew your religion and beliefs before telling you and she trusts you not to betray her. I knew by the time I was 10 and came out at 14. I’m happily married and my accepting money made ALL the difference

You continue on as you have been…don’t make a big deal about it. Just accept her as she is.

Put ur damn “religion” aside and be a decent human for yalls child…

Love her and accept her. Like jesus does with everyone.

you tell her you’ll be there no matter what you love her and you will never change

Support and love her no matter what.

You act the same way if she told you anything else. Your religion is not relevant in the equation.

Just be there for her. I love Jesus too but it doesn’t mean a thing if your heart jusges

Against your religion or not SHE IS STILL YOUR DAUGHTER! You simply explain to her that although you don’t agree with this decision, YOU STILL LOVE HER NO MATTER WHAT!
Just because she’s bi doesn’t change her as a person or human being! Love her and treat her the same!


The mad reacts? You mad a mom is wanting to support her daughter even though it’s against what she stands for? I applaud you momma. Just be there and accept her for who she is. Hold her secret. She will tell him when she’s ready.


She’s your daughter. More important then your damn religion. Accept the fact she is bi! She obviously trust you. So let her trust her

I would love my children and support them no matter what religion says we are all human xx

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Just leave it be, tell her you support her and love her and don’t make a big deal out of it. Someone came out to me before and I did just that and I feel that’s a relief for them knowing you support them and love them anyway

I feel like at the age of 13 is when they truly discover who they are. I met my husband when I was 14 and I’m still with him almost 17 years later. I’d say just support her and love her the same way!

Your religion. YOUR religion. Just be her mom. Your religion does not dictate how you parent or the type of parent you are. Take your religion out of the equation and just be supportive. Because it’s against YOUR religion are you going to love her any less? Are you going to not want to be a part of her life’s milestones? Graduations? Accomplishments? Her wedding? Kids if she decides that? How you handle this will now and FOREVER impact how she sees you, and how involved in her life you will be. It being against your religion is a cop out, an excuse. That is your child. Her decision to come out to you means she TRUSTS you. It means she feels you’ll support her and still love her for who she is and not for who she’s attracted to. At 13 most people who come out FULLY know or are figuring out the specifics. Could it be a phase? Yes, and if it is, you’ll want to be the mom who supported her through it not the mom who threw religion in her face or withdrew your support and love of her because of a book and a designated building.

Nothing. Love her for who she is.

U gotta accept ur child for who they are

This is why I find religion is fake and so judgemental yet they preach otherwise. Be there for you daughter and really the father should be told

Say you love her no matter what. Tell her that you will always support her regardless of anything and that you’ll never judge her for who she is.

Then do those things. If your religion makes you hate your children, it’s time for some serious introspection.

my daughter told me that at 11, it didn’t change anything, she is same girl as before she told me, she is my daughter no metter who she chose. as long as she is respected and happy then I’m happy to. maybe time for new religion btw?

React the same way you would if she expressed an interest in only the opposite gender. It’s against my religion, however that is between them and God. My kids have been told that the only requirement I have for someone to date them is that they treat them well. I don’t care what gender, what race, what religion, as long as they truly love my child.

I told both of my daughters that,no matter what,my love for them will not change.Listen to her when she talks to you.Don’t judge her and try to change who she is.

It’s against your religion for you, it isn’t against her religion for her. You don’t have to be bi, but you do need to respect her and her decisions!

Don’t most if not all religions say to love everyone and that man is made in “god’s” image?

I’ve yet to find a religion that actually says this is a sin……but even so, “eating an animal of a cleft foot” is a sin “wearing mixed fabrics/textiles” is a sin, lying is a sin, cheating, stealing, unmarried sex, disobeying your parents, drinking too much, owning to much money/physical possessions, lust, greed, and so many more things are sins.
None of it matters. You don’t hold the child’s sins against them, no matter what the sins are. Most ppl use religion as an excuse because they are too chicken shit to say the truth which is it makes them uncomfortable.
You give your child UNCONDITIONAL love. Period. Anything less and you are a shit parent.

Then say that you support her? And that you’re there for her?

JUST BE THERE FOR HER. Signed a mom who’s daughter came out and doesn’t wanna tell dad either

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Just be there for her and realize your religion is shyt if it makes you not believe that your daughter was born that way :woman_shrugging:


You tell her dad its his child also and secrets are never good.


1st off is it really her feelings or is this something she’s feeling from peer pressure then secondly I would get a professional help.

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Religion or your child? I wouldn’t wanna be part of that religion…I hope you choose your child.

You know what sucks more then being catholic? Being judgmental in a situation that has nothing to do with you or religion but the impact you make could.

Say okay, I love you and move on with my life.

She’s your child nothing has changed that

One of the reasons so many LGBTQIA+ complete suicide is because they fear the family’s response. As parents we don’t get to pick who our children are sexually attracted to.

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You tell her you love her and leave that religion crap out of it! You raised your kids with this religion right??? So if you start telling her how much God disapproves of who she is and something about herself she literally cannot control, what does that do to benefit her in ANY way!?!? Kids hurt themselves over this right here​:broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart: If your religion teaches you to hate anyone over anything then it’s your religion that’s the problem​:100::100::100::woman_shrugging: Especially things that don’t hurt another soul! Even evil people that do hurt ppl, TRUE RELIGION teaches us to practice forgiveness, love, kindness and acceptance! Do not damage your child in the name of some religion that when exposed, a lot of folks have the same struggles and even worse​:face_with_raised_eyebrow:
Just imagine trying to live with yourself after your child takes their own life over something like this😪 If you know you can’t handle that and you’d feel awful then you should adjust your views accordingly and REALLY QUICKLY bc it’s hard enough to get by these days without something as big as this weighing on you every single minute of your life while you believe your family hates and is against you😔

God does say to love thy neighbor…and ultimately, it’s not your place to judge. I’m sure you commit sins everyday…so why judge her for hers?

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You keep your mouth shut about your religion, you love and accept her as she is, and you respect her request to not share with her father.


First of, you’re a good momma and we can tell by the fact that you’re seeking to how better help her. GOD is good, I’d pray hard for her, & be there for her and love her, at the same time seek GOD about it & read the Bible to better yet help her & teach her the ways of life. You’re doing a good job, and you’re clearly a caring and loving mother. Teach her about right and wrong, she is clearly going through confusion. There’s an agenda after the children and it’s really sweeping many. The gay pride is really pushed and shoved down everybody’s throat & it can be confusing to kids specially when it’s all glamorized & made to look cool and appealing, not to mention the over sexuality toon of it, if you go to a gay pride march or parade, what do you see? A lot of promiscuity and inappropriateness… so imagine hyper sexualization & a gay agenda being pushed so heavily to children… seek GOD about it


It’s saddening to see how many of you mommas don’t read the Bible or have a clue what it says.

Well I’m going to get so much hate for this but tell her you love her very dearly and NOTHING will ever change that however, it’s up to you to lead her and guide her to God. Explain to her how it is a sin. Yes everyone sins and none is bigger than the other you just have to repent and get forgiveness.

Don’t listen to these people telling you your religion is wrong. It could just be a phase she’s going through. She’s 13. She really doesn’t doesn’t know who she is. Her hormones are everywhere. I know you must be torn and going through your own Rollercoaster with this. But it could just be her friends think they are and so she might be going along with it.


What religion do you practice that tells you it’s above your own family? That sounds like you might need to rethink your faith if it’s making you question what’s more important: your daughter or your belief.

Choose your child over religious beliefs… always.