Hi, I have an anonymous question I would like to be asked, please! I would like to start out by saying I love and support my daughter and all of my kids no matter what. That being said! My 11-year-old daughter (very recently) came out to me as bisexual. I want to be as supportive and sensitive to her about this as possible. My question is, has anyone had their young child come out to them? Do kids this young even know what their sexual orientation is? (I know this one may offend some people, but itâs a genuine question.) I will show support and love and go along with whatever she chooses now, or laterâŚwhat are some ways I can show support? Is there such a thing as too much support? Would it be better to just move on and let her guide the way? Thanks for listening! And thanks in advance for any advice or support given!
Just go for it! Support her! Sheâs so young and Iâm sure sheâs just experimenting in her age group. I wouldnât worry about too much. I came out to my parents at 17 and they were super supportive and itâs only made us closer. Get her some rainbow stuff! Make her a cake! Just show you care cuz thatâs the most important thing
I think you just need to be there for her no matter what, and when she needs you most. As long as you love and accept her for her, all will be ok!
I have no idea but i can say just less to her and till her you will always be there no matter what and if she cam to you and not someone else she already trusts you!!!
Just keep doing what you are doing and support
I knew then but didnât come out till I was about 15. The fact that at this young she felt comfortable enough to tell you says so much about how great you are in her eyes as a mom. Just remind her you love her and keep trucking on.
Just keep it normal and support. If she came home and said she has a a boyfriend and likes guys would you make her a cake and buy a bunch of stuff? No. Thia is what is wrong. Treat it like you would treat if she wasnt vi sexual!
My 18 yr old cam out at 14 as lesbian but said around 10 she knew she was attracted to girls. My little sister is 21 and came out at 15 but knew for yrs too.
I didnât do anything special or treat my daughter any differently
The best support is to treat them normally
And yes they can know at that age who they are attracted to or have crushes on
Its 2020. Itâs not a big deal anymore.
My 11 year old came out to me and thought none of us would love her anymore 
I just gave her plenty of reassurance that she is and will always be loved and aslong as she is healthy, happy and isnât hurting anyone we will always be here for her through anything 
I havenât been there but i would just be there for her and let her know if she would like to talk your there.
Just accept her support her love her
My almost 13 year old just came out to me also saying she was lesbian. I told her that I would love her and respect her choices. She could have her girlfriend come over and wouldnât be treated any different than if she had a boyfriend. Also she can talk to me about anything no matter what it is and Iâll be here for her.
The fact that you WANT to support her is huge! Iâd just follow her lead, continue to be there for her, you can figure the rest out together
My daughter came out to me at 11. I didnât make a big deal over it. We discussed if she really knew what it meant to be bi sexual. She thanked me for loving her. And that was it. As long as your daughter knows you love her no matter what, thatâs all you need to do right now. Sheâll let you know if sheâs got any questions or needs anything else. I just donât feel making a big deal about it is necessary. I wouldnât make a big deal out of one of my boys saying they have a gf
Just be okay with it
Go with the flow
Support who she is⌠what does this mean âI will show support and love and go along with whatever she chooses now, or laterâ what if that isnât a choice, but who she really is?
My daughter told me the same at 12. I said ok, itâs time for dinner. She said âarenât you mad?â My response was âyouâre still you, now letâs eatâ we didnât make a big deal bc itâs not a big deal. I dont really care who she loves as long as she is happy. Nothing changed except she knew I wouldnt stop loving her.
Young people see the world so differently today. Love is love. Gender neutral, gay, bisexual, or even pan sexual. This is not something to stress about. Encourage her to be her best self. Oh and congrats on your parenting skills. Says a lot that she had this conversation with you. Just my two cents. Please no haters.
It seems to be a trend. My 10yr old tells me all the time how many girls in her class are bi and one of her friends told her she has a crush on her. All you can do is support her. She might just be following others or she may actually be bi. Either way no big deal.
Just do ur thing dont over do it tho shell come to u n talk if she wants and if she gets a gf or w.e make it just like itd be if it was a boy. Thatâs what Iâd do atleast
Just accept it. Tell her she can be whatever she wants and has the right to change her mind whenever she wants. Sheâs looking at you for approval. Tell her you love her no matter what. In my experience, grade schools may nkt be as accepting as high school.
We have two rules at our house.
Rule #1: Is this person good for you?
Rule #2: Are you happy?
Both must be answered yes for success. If youâre happy but itâs not good for you, that wonât work. Or vice versa. Good luck mama!!!
My daughter came out as lesbian when she was 10. I have told my girls from day 1 that I donât care what sex they are, as long as they treat them with love and kindness. She wrote me a little note and then we hugged and laughed and she has been thriving ever since. She actually thought that she was lesbian but now says she more swings towards liking boys and girls. We have never treated it any different in our house. My husband and I just want them to date and love people that treat them kindly.
Just love her thatâs all she needs
I came out as bisexual last year. My step mother disowned me. My father wasnât happy about it but he didnât cause such a fit about it either. Just treat her the way you have always done. When she comes to you with a problem just support her. I knew at a young age as well and never said a word. Donât make a huge deal out of it. Sheâs the same kid she was last week except now you know something new. God bless
This is where all life matters come into playâŚ
She is your child your support anything she wants to do in her heart⌠When I told my mom I was bi she told me I was just drunk and go to bedâŚ
So just be there she felt like she could tell you thatâs a plus.
At that age they havenât had sex yet I hope, so just take it on the chin, and donât make a big thing about it, no matter what they are ? Remind her that sexual activity doesnât begin until age consent and when sheâs 16/18 that will be the time she can be what every she whatâs,
My child came out as bi at 12. 6 months later she became my son when he said he was transgender. I support him 
. He is now almost 17 and has not âchanged his mindâ. Just be there for her. I matter what. And stick up for her against family members and so called friends who talk bad about her.
Just say âokâ and move on⌠Nothing else needs to be doneâŚ
Regardless of her sexuality YOU WILL LOVE HER REGARDLESS. BE SUPPORTIVE NOT NEGATIVE.
My youngest sister is 10 and came out as bisexual. My older sister came out as bisexual at 13, but at 16 she came out as lesbian. At 12, I came out as bisexual and at 17 I came out as pansexual. My younger sister at 13 came out as bisexual. Kids that young can know their sexual orientation and sometimes theyâre confused, but either way there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. You have to be an amazing mom for her to feel so comfortable to come out to you this young and thatâs wonderful. I donât think there is anything as too much support. Just let her know that no matter what you love her and you will be there for her, and as she gets older you guys can figure things out together.
I knew before I was 11 I was interested in women. 11 was about the point I came out to people and had my first girl relationship a year later. All you can do, is not laugh at her and doubt her. Let her live her life. I wouldnât allow one on one sleepovers anymore, but Iâd allow multiple girls to stay in the same room, preferably the living room. And just let her do her. Who knows, she could be more of a Tom boy than girly girl and could want to cut her hair or change up her looks. Sheâs at that age she wants to experience things and Iâd let her as long as itâs safe.
Just tell her you love no matter what and you will always support and say if she ever wants to talk to you bout how she feels you will listen xx
Just accept it. If she brings a boy over someday, get to know him. If she brings a girl over someday, get to know her. Treat her and her eventual relationships like itâs normal, because it is.
An answer to, does she know that young.
? Yes. I am Bisexual and I always new I liked boys and girls. I didnt relieze till my teen years not everyone did. I just thought the adults around me were just with the person they liked, not cause of sexual orientation, lol.
Ask her- everyone has different needs
I have 2 daughters and a son. My youngest is 18 and told me when she was in 7th grade that she is gay. She is still gay, hasnât waffled one iota. I have been supportive always. She was tormented horribly through 7th grade at school and on my 7th trip there, I pulled her out for the remaining month and homeschooling her for 8th grade. She was pretty traumatized by the school kids. Had someone out her in a garbage can and throwing food at her in the cafeteria. Home is a safe and accepting zone. My middle daughter is 20 and bisexual. She first had 2 platonic boyfriends and now has a girlfriend. I have told them i just want them to be happy in their own skin. They are aware how some of society looks down on same sex relationships. Thatâs the toughest part. We talk openly about sex and i try to answer any questions they have. My own parents never talked to me about any of that, so I think that itâs important to communicate. It should never be a source of embarrassment for them. Plus, I gave girls a try in my 20s twice. Iâm 50 now and have inly been with men since. To each their own. You get one life, so live happy!
Why should it change anything at all? Sheâs still your child. You still love her. All she did was tell you a new fact about herself. Being gay, straight, or bi should not affect anything when it comes to the relationship between a parent and a child.
When I came out to my mom her response was oh goodie⌠very sarcastic and not the right response at all. Just be there for her. Ask her about it from her perspective. Sheâs old enough to realize who/what sheâs attracted too and not even necessarily in a romantic way either. She may be genuinely bisexual. She may be just bi curious. She may just think everyoneâs amazing. Donât press the topic but see where she stands in a sense. Ask her how she knows she is or what she thinks says that she is. Imagine sheâs you coming out to your mother. What would you like your mom to do or to react? If you have questions about being bisexual if youâre not, do some research on what it really is and the varying degrees of bisexuality.
Iâm a heteroromantic bisexual which is a fancy way of saying that I find both men and women attractive but I typically only date men. Itâs totally up to each individual
They absolutely know what it is. Ive been attracted to both genders as long as I can remember.
Nothing really needs to change just donât be a bigot and your good
I told my daughter âokay. Cool, what do you want for dinner?â We dont make a big deal out of stuff like that in our family.
My son came out at 12 but I knew earlier he was I just waited till he told me he was scared we were gonna turn are backs on him but I hugged him an told him I loved him an supported who he is an for him to live his best life Iâm his number #1 supporter 
just be there for your daughter an love her
I mean the moon has phases but itâs still the moon. I came out as lesbian, then bi, then finally pansexual. No need for labels but itâs nice to have a name other people also have yaknow. Gays will always love and appreciate rainbow things lol but donât obsess over it bc she may become uncomfortable and share less with you if you overreact. Iâm glad she has a supportive mommy just know sheâs the same person sheâs always been. Her humor and her attitude lol
Donât make a big deal about it. My 12 year came out at age 11 that she is gay. I just said okay and I love you, and I loved her no matter what and would always be there. I remember when she had her first girlfriend how excited she was to tell me. Iâm happy if she is happy 
Just love her as you always have. 
I knew my daughter liked girls when she was 8th grade. She told me in 9th. She is happily married to a wonderful young lady that my family loves. Things are a little different now then when she was in school but I guess it depends on the climate the administration and staff supports. Her HS is very supportive now but when she was there it wasnât so. I just wish I payed better attention when she needed a day here and there to Not go to school. I didnât realize what she was going through. She kept it to herself. It breaks my heart now.
I fell in love with a girl when I was 11 years old.
Kids definitely know at that age who they are attracted to.
My oldest did and I told him Iâll love him no matter what
Being bi dosent always mean that they are thinking about sex rn.
When she says that she most likely means she has found her self attracted to both genders and in the future may cone home with a female instead of the traditional male.
Just support her in a motherly way she is no less your daughter she is still a child. Let her know she can ask any questions and you will do your best to answer them.
You definitely know that your sexuality is different by that age. You donât always know exactly how different but sometimes you do. Just let your child know that youâre there for them. Know and let them know that sometimes you might say the wrong thing or not know the answers to their questions but that you will do your best.
Iâve known I liked girls since I was a 6 but came out at 13. My mom said she always knew n was just waiting for me to realize it. Be there. Support her. Support her when u start allowing her to date (my kids are not allowed to date outside of silly school bf/gfs until freshman year thatâs why I say when u allow her to date) donât suspect every girl she brings home she likes. Help her by educating both her and yourself on the ins and outs of the lgbt community 
and make she knows to never be ashamed of who she is
My son was 19(ish) when they came out as bi and gender fluid. I asked them later when they knew, and they were around 8-9 y/o. All we want is for them to be happy and find someone who will love them for them.
If she is comfortable enough to come to you, I think youâre probably doing a great job and probably donât need to change a thing 
Hi! Iâm in the same boat similarly, my son (12) last year came out as bi but has recently said he believes he is gay, I am just supporting him in whatever he wants. I havenât changed much, I told him he can love who ever he chooses and Iâll always love him. He asked me to buy him a pride flag and he hung it in his room. I think itâs important to have them know you will support them fully no matter what
My youngest brother came out as bi around the same age. My parents didnât look at him any differently or support him any less than they did before he came out. Shortly there after, he came out that he was gay and transgender (ftm). This still didnât change their level of support or love for him. Heâs blossomed into an amazing person since he came out and I believe a lot of that has to do with the amount of support he has had.
As far as advice: just continue to support and love her. Donât be surprised if she comes out again later as more than bi. Coming out as bisexual can often be a stepping stone to gauge your reaction before they come out all the way. She is not too young to know what she feels and will need your support to navigate her feelings. Youâre an amazing parent being so supportive and your daughter will appreciate you very much for accepting her for who she is.
Youâre already on the right track, great job momma. All of my LGBTQ+ friends will tell you they knew from a very young age their sexuality. I just wanna point out, itâs not a choice, itâs who she is. Iâm sure there are great fb support groups for other mommas like you, maybe look some up. Well done momma!
Let her know you love and support her no matter what. As long as shes healthy, safe and treated with respect no matter who her partner of choice may be.
I knew around then that I was bisexual, not that I knew the word, just that girls were as pretty as boys to me honestly, dont make a big deal and yu should be fine
I knew pretty young. I played house with a girl and played the dad role. I was maybe 8 years old. However I didnât get my period until I was 16. I wasnât really sexual attracted or interested in dating boys or girls until after my period came but I definitely was very curious and probably more curious about girls than most girls are. With that said, I was terrified to tell anybody for a long time. Iâm now married to an amazing man though so really just let her guide her way and she will decide what she wants. Just make it known that youâre available to talk to when she needs and leave the door open.
Also to everyone commenting it made me cry seeing how many accepting parents there are. With a world full of so much hate, itâs beautiful seeing love
My daughter told me at 9. I told her I was behind her 100%. I also told her I wanted her to be sure to keep an open mind. She is now 16 and has had both boyfriends and girlfriends. Iâve told all my children I didnât care who they fall for, color, sexual orientation or religion, that I would be their voice if someone came at them negatively. As long as they are good to them and treat them with respect they have my support
I am bi and I had my first girlfriend at 12. I started getting feelings for my bestfriend around the same age as your daughter. All you have to do is be there for her. And just let her know you love her no matter what!!
Let her know you love her no matter what
I was about 12 when I realized I liked girl as well. Itâs the time that kids start to like people either way
Personally, I know my sexuality when I was 5. I was and still am Bi. So yes child CAN know their preference this early doesnt mean that all WILL. That said, let her lead the way. If she wants to talk, listen and be accepting. If she doesnt, dont push. If in future years she brings someone home just be supportive. I come a home that did not support me. And it hurts.
Why would this question offend anyone? To each their own, live and let live,
Que Sera Sera!! Hope your daughter finds happiness with whoever she chooses to be with!!
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First of all, congratulations on the amazing relationship you have with her!
And I know itâs amazing, because was comfortable enough to tell you!
Make sure she knows that you love her and support her, no matter what!
Tell her that the most important things to you are that she is happy, and healthy and LOVED! And that you only want for to grow and have amazing partners in life!
I have personal experience with this, feel free to PM me!
Understand that she may feel this way now, and next week it may different.
Or not.
But donât make it the focus of everything, donât bring it up in every conversation. Ask her what she needs from you.
Also, June is pride month 
My daughter came out as bisexual at about 11 yrs old too. Just be there for her.
Be there for her. And when she starts talking about a crush donât say things like âooo whatâs his nameâ instead say âooo whatâs their name.â
One of my âbonusâ daughters came out around 15 years old. We always laugh and say that I knew before she did. It didnât take any adjusting because, she was no different.
Keep in mind, some kids will come out as bi to kinda âtest the watersâ with the parents, instead of just jumping in the deep end to say theyâre gay.
Some kids really do believe theyâre bi because they still want to be attracted to the opposite sex, because theyâve âsupposed toâ then discover later they are gay.
And some are âjustâ bi. I would say just be open minded and keep an eye out for any issues at school or wherever. Bullying and such. Some kids who should know better are still assholes, unfortunately.
I used to give each of my kids a"mental health day" each semester that they could use when they needed it. They didnât have to fake illness, just say they needed a day.
I told my mom I was bisexual at 13. She said âOkay, anything else youâd like to share Captain Obvious?â And I said âyouâre not mad? And how did you know before I did??â
Her response, âA mother knows. And I could never be mad for raising someone who loves people. You just love. Whatâs so wrong about that?â
I have a 13 year old who came out and a 15 year old too and the 15 year old identifies as a boy. I support them both. I just shrugged and said ok and? I ainât stupid guys you are allowed to be whoever and whatever you feel that you are. If someone says anything about that then they donât respect you.
Also, why donât you ask your daughter how you can support her? 
taking the time to ask that question and understand her will help more than you know
Could you ask her how you can support her? Tell her that you support her and ask if she needs anything from you. Let her guide the way.
Yes they knowâŚmine knew at 4 I never understood why she was sitting on the toilet backwards until it came back to my memory recently as I was adapting to the change.
My daughter is also 11 and has started having girlfriends. She asked me if that means she is a lesbian and I told her no matter who she chooses to love that we will support and love her but that mommy thinks she is trying to figure out who she is and what she is and that is ok and she has the right to take her time and figure it out. We are an open home. I myself am pansexual and my kids know this. They have only ever seen me with their dad obviously but I have explained that doesnt make me straight all of a sudden. And my 11 is starting to understand. Sooo i would tell her you love her anyway and let her figure this out with you by her side. Sorry so long. Hope this helps.
I was about 8 or 9 when I think I started questioning. I always wore âcomfy clothes â and a hat. When I was in 7th grade I came out to all of my friends before my family. Most of them just kind of looked at me â well duh 
â and there were a few who went from hugging me everyday to shaking my hand and a head nod. . My mom full hearted accepted it. My dad on the other hand , never let me know or showed it but that he thought I was just bisexual to get back at him for something âŚand I also think part of it was finding a comfort in another female outside of the â normal friendship â. It was more of like a feeling of closeness rather then sex driven. I cAnt speak for everybody but in personnel experience it was a finding of yes attraction but leaning into more emotional comfort. ⌠I went full Kinsey 6 at 22. Lol
I tried coming out to my mom as bisexual at that exact age and she told me it was just a phase so I didnât feel comfortable talking with her about it anymore so as long as you donât judge her for it and let her express herself than youâre supporting her as best you can.
Sheâs still your child.
Why is it when weâre pregnant we say⌠We dont care if itâs not or girl as long as theyâre healthy. But the kid as teen ages comes out as gay and we did own themâŚ
I. Know several kids who came out and parents disowned tgem. They will always have a place in my home.
I applaud u as a mother for not judging her journey but being supportive to whatever she may choose.
My daughter did the same thing, and I told her as long as sheâs happy, Iâm happy. Simple as that. No need to make a big deal, just love and support as always
I have a question. Being a lesbian or homosexual, is it like a natural selection thing or just something you realise when you are sexually oriented? Like I want to know if itâs an inborn thing or just something you pick up as you get by?
Just love her and donât treat her any different. Yes, they know at that age. You feel it. It just happens and is part of puberty. Some know they are different even earlier. Just be thankful she trusted you enough to tell you this early so you donât get a shock as she gets older. That being said. She is your child so hold her with PRIDE no matter sexual orientation!
Be there for her to talk to when she needs someone, let her lean on you, let her guide the way, be interested in her interest as well if she wants to go to pride or something go with, just let her know she is loved and accepted
You answered your own question by saying you already love and support her thereâs no need to change that. And yes I think you should follow her lead
Good on you for being such a supporting parent and wanting to learn as much as possible about how to go about it. I think youâre already on the right track. Just love and support her and take all the great advice from these comments. Good luck x
My stepdaughter told me when she was 5 almost 6 (yes 5) that she had a crush on a girl at school. I thought she just liked something about the girl like her hair or something and confused it. As the years went on she mentioned more girls being beautiful. Recently this year (sheâs almost 12) she came out as bisexual to everyone else (she had told me long ago). Kids can know. I asked her what she liked about the girl she had a crush on and it was the correct answers if you were truly attracted to someone vs. admiring a quality if that makes sense. I told her I love and support her. I talk to her about the girls she has/had a crush on. I let her come to me with anything. Iâve also joked about the future and said that she has to bring home a good woman or Iâm kicking the girl out. Iâve basically shown her that nothing will change. I feel like if you act like itâs no big deal it makes it so much easier for them. Kids canât help who they love and so many parents think itâs wrong or disgusting. They didnât ask to be this way. Keeping communication and love open with her will help. People can have nasty opinions about it, so being there for her is most important.
To answer your question, yes people know their sexual orientation very early on. For example I knew I was attracted to girls as early as 7yrs old. I am not a fan of labelsâŚI am fine with saying I just like people⌠what matters itâs what on the inside. The best you can do is just support her. Tell her you love her no matter what. When she tells you she is bisexual. Believe it. Unfortunately, my sexuality is something that I still struggle with bc my parents dont support it til this day. I grew up being told it was wrong and its hurtful. My daughter came out to me last year. And all I want for her is to know that no matter what she is loved for exactly who she is⌠I will support and have her back no matter whose against it
My daughter told her dad & I that she is gay last summer at age 12. I told her nothing has changed, we will love her and support her no matter what. My daughter is pretty lucky in that she has a great group of friends (one of which started the GSA club at school this year), and a very supportive environment at school. She hasnât come out to the rest of our family yet, but thatâs her choice as to when & how. Weâre currently trying to find alternate ways to celebrate Pride month as our local events have been cancelled due to covid. And I understand your question of are kids too young to know at that age. But I think most of us (gay or straight) had a crush on someone by about that age, so really why would this be any different?
Honestly, when my daughter said she liked boys and girls (and later said she was dating a girl) I just acted the same way I did if she was dating a guy. No need to react differently or treat them different or be extra supportive. I asked my daughter what her gfs name was, who her parents were and when I could meet them just the same if she would have been dating a boy. No need to act differently. Just act normal and be supportive. Iâve told my kids time and time again, I donât care who you date as long as youâre happy and they are good people (and obviously around the same age since my kids are still minors).
It doesnât matter if she knows or she just thinks. Youâre there to support her on her journey through life. Be happy and supportive as long as whoever she brings home is good to her.
My daughter told me the same when she was about 12/13⌠I said ok Iâm fine with it, but keep in mind youâre going thru a lot of hormonal changes as a preteen/ teen⌠shes 17 now and has not been âbisexualâ sinceâŚ
Could be a stage sheâs going through.
Honestly I think kids are more confused than ever before. Itâs such a normal thing and considered âcoolâ in the school systems now⌠Give it time and just go with the flowâŚ
I knew when I was really young, started to accept it myself when I was about 11 and came out at 13. Honestly the best thing you can do is support and love her just the same as before and let her figure herself out because really thereâs no guide
Yes, she is old enough to know that she finds both boys and girls attractive. Donât make a big deal out of it, just let her know you support her, and when you talk about her getting married, say âhusband or wifeâ
Listen dont just hear, unconditionally love an support her.
Ive 3 kids. My 2 youngest are learning who they are.(15 & 16)
My 16 yo is non binary my 15 yo is bisexual
Ive always said so long as its a happy healthy love it doesnât matter who it is
Personally I think I would just ignore it. Not in a mean way, donât take that wrong. I mean that Iâm not going to make any kind of a big deal about my kids being hetero, so why make any kind of a big deal if they go another way? Just accept the knowledge and treat them no different regardless.
I had this happen when my daughter was 10, I was more shocked then anything more because of her age then her thinking she is gay, but I reached out to a friend of mine who happens to be lesbian and asked her how to approach so my ignorance doesnt come across as being insensitive to her feelings, and so I told my daughter if you are or your not that is ok! I will love you no matter what! At the end of the day I just want who ever your with to love and respect you male ir female, I then told her I think right now she is too young to fully understand the concept of being straight gay bai what ever and that for right now to just keep being her no boyfriends or girlfriends that are more then just friends, and who ever you like in the future when your older is who you like its ok to be who you are. We talk about alot openly she tells me when she has little crushes ect I think the biggest thing here is re assuring her that you love her no matter what and your ckearly doing something right if she felt comfortable enough to come and talk to you 