Hey mamas!! I need some suggestions here or words of comfort. My four-year-old is in preschool, her second year. Different schools, different students. She cried last year at school for a couple of weeks then did amazing. Well, this was her 3rd day of crying the entire class. She is so upset she doesn’t even eat her snack while she’s there, so when I bring her home, she’s beyond starving. Today the teacher said she cried even worse, didn’t stop at all the whole 2 hours and 40 minutes of class. She said she just cried and walked in small circles the entire class. I’m at a loss here. I’ve been doing all I can to prepare her and whatnot. So my mind is, of course, going through all the what if’s. Someone, please tell me she’s fine, and this will pass?! Please.
It will pass. 
It’s hard to witness as a parent, but she will be ok. I was a pre school teacher (now a school administrator) and I’ve seen it time and time again.
What you can do is remind her daily that she’ll be there for a few hours and talk about the fun things she enjoys about school and that you’ll pick her up at X time.
As far as the eating, she might not be eating at school right now but she will eventually. Have the teacher offer her her snack throughout the day as well. A healthy child will eat when their hungry. They might wait a while to do so, but eventually will eat.
Sending prayer for your baby girl 
This is the hardest for parents, but I promise she’ll be ok.
Have you thought of keeping her home? Is online school an option where you live?
Bring favorite blanket or toy?
It will pass, I promise. I had one of my girls that screamed her way through preschool for a month. I was giving up hope and then one day, it stopped. On a dime. She looked at me one morning and said “I’m not going to cry at school anymore, Mom”. Craziest thing, she never did again. Just try to be as consistent and positive as possible. It will get better…
She may not be emotionally ready for it. If you can keep her home I hope you do. My girls were chalk and cheese. Oldest was fine, youngest home til nearly 5
It will pass. In the mean time will school not let you pick her up after an hour. Then make pickup slightly longer until she is there the full two hours 40minutes.
such a fab idea - draw a heart on your hand and your little one’s, charge it up by holding hands and tell them that if they feel sad or miss you while at school to press the hug button and it will send you a hug - likewise, you can send your little one a big squeeze by touching the heart on your hand
Does she have autism-Asperger? Sometimes kids with autism have a hard time transitioning. I know because my son has autism.
Sometimes I think we send kids to school too soon. I never went to school until first grade. Kindergarten wasn’t a thing back then. Four years they are still a baby.
Talk to a professional. Behavioral specialists. They can help.
If its that bad I would ask for a reduced timetable and concentrate on doing bits and building it up. Have you tried a reward chart for the time she does spend in school not being upset?
My daughter did the same thing all the way through half of kindergarten. She’s been just fine ever since. 5th grade now and was so excited to go back to school this year. Are you a SAHM? It could be separation anxiety. That was my daughter’s issue
does she need to be there because you have to work? If not then stop making her go! If you need to work then find a different situation for her. Something is obviously not right there for her.
Call your local school district and ask for the school psychologist to do an evaluation to see if she can go their for the special services pre k and they will be able to help her with coping skills and such
Make her say a word from her feelings,don’t be hash on that because her problem is dealing with her inside her .being silent is dangerous!
Do they wear masks? If so that can be scary for a 4 year old not seeing everyone’s face in a new environment. My son had a hard time adjusting because we moved when he was 4 and he had to start at a new school where he didn’t know anyone. We used lego’s to symbolize us and he would keep one and I would keep one when we were apart, and then connect them when we were together. Or if she has to wear a mask, you could kiss the inside of it and tell her she has “kisses from mommy all day to get her through”. Corny, I know, but it might work.
It’s separation anxiety, it’ll get better and get worse every year.
Ask her questions it is weird that the teacher is not getting her calmed down was a preschool teacher maybe look for a new place
I would give her something of yours that she can hang on to during the school hours each day she goes !! Tell her you’re always with her 
My niece had that same problem and my brother and sis in law ended up finding out her teacher was being extremely mean to her. Not saying that’s the problem at all but i would do a check to see. I hope it gets better for her soon!
Tell her that when she goes to school that they don’t cry when you go to school tell her that big kids who go to school don’t cry. I had to say that to my sons when they progressed from Day care to primary school. It seems harsh but that is what I have done with my kids and it worked.
Maybe she’s just not ready for school a lot of kids don’t start till kindergarten
If you can I would stay with her at the school for a few days maybe she might get a little more comfortable with the teacher and the students. Or like others suggested something might be wrong like the teacher being mean to her or another student. she doesn’t feel comfortable there.
I just wanted to say that I’m sorry you are dealing with this. It’s got to be so hard for you… hugs. She will be okay 
Does she have to be in this program because u work ? If she does I totally get it but maybe she is not ready for and if u can keep her home for another year it may be best
Ask her what she feels and why. It could be many things. It may be that you have to switch preschools, it may be separation anxiety or even social anxiety if she has difficulty around a lot of people. In that case, counseling would be a good thing to start. It may be that the other kids pick on her, or that one of the teachers makes her uncomfortable. So many things. Start a dialogue and work from there.
My niece went thru this years ago, they tried sitting through class, having others watch during class that the teacher wasn’t so aware of to see how the teacher was treating her, switching classes, and eventually schools altogether, unfortunately the only problem was she was spoiled and wanted to be at home with the tv! Lol! Not saying this what’s happening, when they sat her down and explained that she didn’t have a choice and was going to school, and the coloring and stuff she refused to do in school then came home with her and she had to do them there. It quit within a few days! I don’t know if this is her situation, but I know either way it’s very hard! And I’m so sorry! My kids were thrilled to go to school even young, I’m the one that cried everyday for weeks, and even that’s hard too! There could be so many reasons, just talk to her! Even small minds will be able to tell you! She’s gonna be ok no matter the issue! The fact you’re worried about her at school means you’re a very intuitive mom! Kudos!
When our son was that age he cried every day too So I put a picture of us in his backpack and would carry it with him Breaks your heart
She needs to use her words and tell you what the problem is, to the best of her ability/vocabulary. Is it the teacher? Is she being bullied? It may be simple separation anxiety. I believe you said it’s only been 3 days(?)
I’d give her more time to adjust, personally.
Is there a reason for her to go to school that early? Here kids dont go to school until 5 years old and even then some arent ready before 6 years old. So that could be a problem
I had separation anxiety when I was younger. It really hit me going from elementary school to middle school. I met with the counselor at the very beginning of the day the first couple weeks of school & it helped a lot.
Why was she allowed to just cry and walk in circles for three hours?? That is my main question, like was the teacher too preoccupied with other students that she couldn’t give her a hug or sit her on her lap?? Like is physical touch not allowed bc of covid?
The baby has anxiety. With time she will get better.
My son was like that too with school. He got better, my son has anxiety. I was anxious my whole pregnancy, I feel terrible.
Also it doesn’t help if they’re super imaginative cause they could be scaring themselves. My son also sleepwalks and talks, a few times he scared him self awake
She’ll be okay 
Um don’t put her in preschool then. It sounds like for the most part that she isn’t emotionally ready. Why put her through that when it isn’t necessary? If you can’t be home with her/have to work or she needs socializing, find a small kid count(3 at most) in home daycare. At least till Kindergarten. Don’t push that on a child who obviously sounds like she’s 75% not ready.
She is not ready maybe try a home care situation
I was a pre school aide and I’ve a lot of this… when did she turn 4? I think sometimes when their birthday is within a month of school starting remember she has not been able to adjust to age 4, then she was sent to school. It’s like she is 3
I had a little girl that cried everyday, all day for most of the entire year. She missed her mom so bad. It was a separation issue, he mom was a teacher, so she stayed with her grandma. She had not been away from family. I found out what her interest was so I had her to come and sit at the table with me, we talked about horses. Her and her family rode horses. That helped but there still were days she cried.
It is so bad in the school systems that we cant let them sit on our laps, or hug them to make them feel comfortable. She is now in the seventh grade… she does not cry, but her mom told me one day she still does not like school that she would like to stay home and ride her horses.
But I would go on and talk with teacher. It may be the tone in the voice, maybe one day another child wouldn’t let her play etc. I would be concerned why the teacher let her cry and walk in circles. Not appropriate. The teacher could of at least comfort her by asking her to come to her and talk with her, played, or something.
Talk to your child’s doctor, sounds like anxiety.
Stay with her for a few days get her used to it and making friends x
It may pass
She may be having some anxiety /separation anxiety
And having to adjust back to school and all the new rules also not being around you as much as she was when schools got shut down and in corinteen
Make her a mini picture book of everyone she loves and her animals if she has any…she can look at it whenever she is feeling sad or lonely
Staying, or lingering at drop off always makes it worse. I don’t know what possible rules/restrictions/regulations there may be due to COVID but maybe give her something of yours that smells like you. Kiss her hand tons and tons and tons and tell her when she’s sad to press that spot on her hand to get some of the stored love. Sometimes kids are crying because they are sad for mom being without them, of that’s the case take a picture of you and her, or just her maybe blowing you a kiss so YOU can get the love from the picture. If that’s not an issue for her and her with a picture anyway. Ultimately she WILL get over it, and everything will be fine and she will forget all about this. My 2nd son did this for 2 weeks when he started school, which was weird because he did daycare and preschool and never had a problem.
Please talk to your daughter. She seems to have serious anxiety. It’s going to get worse even if she stops crying. She’ll eventually learn to bottle it until she can’t control it. I’m not saying medication is neccesary best but she does need therapy.
Is her class loud? Or better yet are the teachers too loud? I’m sure the kids are.
It’s a good possibility she could be getting overstimulated there. It happened with a good friend of mine whose son is on the Spectrum but high functioning. He had to be removed and placed into another school. A few months later it happened with my son who is also high functioning But he had to be removed as well and put into school with much smaller class sizes.
I had to be pulled out of preschool when I was 4 years old, as I would cry all day. Fast forward 28 years later, my psych diagnosed me with adhd and the reason I would cry and hate school so much was because of that. Maybe reach out to a mental health professional to rule out.
It’s sounds like she’s not ready to be there. Anxiety, fear…
Someone is scaring her
Is this her first week? It may also be difficult for her as preschool is very different this year than last. Could be all the masks, the no parents allowed inside etc… Some
If the necessary changes that allow school to open are also scary especially for younger students.
She’s not ready for preschool.
She is absolutely NOT fine.
I owned a daycare for over 28 years and just talk to her and get her excited. Talk about the friends she’ll meet and her wonderful teachers. Tell her it’s all part of being big and what a big girl she is. Some kids have a longer adjustment period but they also feed off your anxiety. Can you pack her ‘her’ special snack and maybe tell her you have a surprise (whatever) for her when you pick her up if she tries to participate?!?
Some kids are just not ready for school at that age and it’s okay to go at their pace
Get the “Kissing Hand” book. Read it every morning. It is great! Also make necklace with your picture, that way she knows you always with her. Laminate, punch a hole and yarn. Hope this helps!
From personal experience, I would say that it is anxiety related. Make sure she is familiar with her surroundings at the school. Also, make it clear that she can go to the teacher about any of her fears or concerns. You could even come up with a signal that she can use to let the teacher know that she needs a little extra “love”.
I’m sorry. It’s hard to see our littles not not happy. I teach preschool. Each year we have a few that cry. We usually have the mamas kiss them and say I’ll be back soon and leave. Sometimes it’s harder for them when there’s a lingering good-bye. Make sure to tell the teacher what you do to calm her. A favorite blanket or stuffed animal? Music, extra cuddles, etc…usually by week 2 they calm down and start having fun.
It will pass…my daughter cried screamed ran… chased me… clinged on… everything you can think of every morning I dropped her off. I even missed work and tried sitting in class with her. It was so overwhelming for us both… but. She got passed it and eventually even wanted to walk herself to class without me.
Yes. It well pass, truly know it hurts your heart. Be firm, your job is to work, the child job is school and learn. This is the approach that I took till each child graduate from college. We raise three and middle child cry, scream, bite, kick, threw herself on floor, threw things. Took a whole year to settle her down and there was nothing wrong with her either, just didn’t want to go to school, daycare. She lived and many days I to cry at night. Stay firm
When my 2 year old started pre school she was crying all day and i made a photo frame that she can hold on to and told her i am right there with her …it worked…nursery was the same again .i guess different enviroment ,and again it worked out marvelous
I’m a preschool teacher. I’ve seen this many times. Give it 2 weeks for her to adjust to the new environment and routine. Reassure her every morning that she will be fine and will have fun and that you will see her in a little while. After a couple weeks you will see things will get much better.
This will pass, my daughter cried every day most of her Kindergarten year. She also had separation anxiety in 1st grade. Now she is in 3rd and totally fine, loves school and can’t wait to get there in the mornings. It is so hard but they will eventually get past it.
Request either a video observation or if possible behind an window. You need to see what is triggering her crying and how she is responded to. The circle indicate anxiety and stress… there is often an adjustment period but the adult response is quite important to help move her forward.
I’m a mental health consultant for child care centers and she will be just fine. Some transitions are hard, I’ve recommended to families to send a blanket/stuffed animal for quiet time or a family photo for her to hold. The invisible string is a great book and creating an I Love You for when you leave reminding her you’ll be back. Also maybe help the teacher know your daughter better, if there is something your daughter really enjoys doing let the teacher know so they can build a strong relationship. 
I cried so much in preschool that my mom ended up being a room mom thinking it would help. Then came kindergarten and it started all over again because mommy wasn’t there. It will pass, give her morning reassurance and praise the good days. Little notes with hearts or stars with her snack might help too.
Don’t belabor your goodbyes. Just good bye have a great day and I will pick up up at what ever time. Give a kiss and off you go. Short, sweet and reassuring.
The walking in circles points to anxiety. You might want to check into a developmental pediatrician or child psychologist. Early intervention is the best to address the root cause. Hugs!
As a mom who was once a child like this, my mom decided to give me a locket with a picture of her and my dad in it, which helped a ton for me. Maybe consider getting her a locket
I’m a preschool teacher and I have had some children that had a real hard time with separation anxiety. I have had some that cried the entire year. I would talk to your child’s teacher and find out what she thinks. You might be able to send in something that is comforting for her to carry or a toy that makes her happy. Her teacher should and probably does keep on reassuring her that you are coming back to get her. For most kids that is their biggest fear. I hope she feels better. I’m sure it’s so hard knowing she is upset. One other suggestion is maybe meet up with your teacher with your daughter so she sees that you trust the person watching her.
As a teacher it breaks my heart when the kids are so sad, hang in there, it will get better.
Definitely a special stuffed animal to snuggle while at preschool and a picture of your whole family! That really helped my son. Maybe even read the kissing hand to her! Super sweet book and will help her feel connect while you’re away I hope it gets easier! I’m sorry 
She will be fine…she just has to get used to going…once she makes friends and gets involved she will love it…
My daughter always felt my emotion. I would remind her, mama always comes back, no matter where I go, I always come back. If I was excited, she was excited. If I was like, eh, so was she. The more excited I was, both to go to school and after her day, she wouldn’t even say bye and just jump out of my truck for school. She’ll get the hang of it mama.
I dont think its anything to worry about. But if you are speak to your pediatrician they may have some ideas. Also how does she act at home? Before covid happened did she get socialized outside of the last preschool and do you leave her with family or friends etc to get her to get used to you not being with her all the time? Just keep assuring her everything is fine and you love her and will be there when she’s done. Also if you’ve went to pick her up while she was doing it previously she may know that could get you to come get her.
Teachers can’t stand it for a child to cry. It gets on there nerves. Well guess what? They need to give her more attention, find something she loves to do, hold her, sing songs read stories. I was in childcare for over 15 years. Some of my kids screamed for 8 hours. But I worked with them. That’s what u get payed for. Leave her there. She will be ok
Many years ago my son took three weeks to settle but then loved school, some children just take a good while… Try asking her she may be wording about you.
My youngest was like this. We just realized he was too young for school. Pulled him and did pre-school at home with him and then tried again the next year with kindergarten and he did amazing.
Truly could be a strong willed child. I did this when I started kindergarten. I will not even tell you what the doctor told my mom to do. Doctors were not so into drugs, but liked behavior modification.
Im a preschool teacher. I have been for 24 years. It will pass. A quick reassuring kiss, no lingering good byes. Your job is to go to work. Her job is to be at school and learn. At the end of the day tell her how proud you are of her. She will get more confident and be proud of herself.
Maybe send her with a picture of you so she can see you when she needs to? It takes a couple weeks to adjust also, mine have trouble adjusting every year (even at 8yr and 11 yrs old). If shes never been to daycare or anything than shes just not sure whats goingnon.
My son did the same thing in pre-k. I wish i would’ve pulled him out and have him wait a year. Some little ones just aren’t ready to be separated from mom and dad
Can someone else take her and drop her off? I’ve had many (my own included) cry for about 7-10 days…then stop! As a director of many preschools, I’d be willing to bet this makes you as anxious as your child, and she feels your anxiety too which increases her anxiety…
My question is, is the teacher(s) doing enough to make her stop crying? Did they give you any suggestions? Are they comforting and compassionate? Please check on that…
Send a picture of you to school, make goodbyes quick, give her something to look forward to after school, ask for a class schedule so that you can talk up what will be happening on the day she’s at school, ask about friends names so that can be talked about as well. A few suggestions for I am a preschool teacher. Good luck mama. Sometimes it just takes a while for Littles to get comfortable in new surroundings. Check your local library for books about school so she can relate to that setting.
I am a childcare teacher and we remind parents to put on a brave face themselves even though their hearts may be breaking inside. Children will feed off of the emotions of those around them. Be enthusiastic and excited!
She will adapt / tell her you love her and all lil girls go to school … you be there when she gets home …
I also recommend the kissing hand I think there’s even one called pocket kisses, maybe allow her to take a picture of the family to help comfort her. It does sometime take kiddos a little longer to adjust to a new environment.
It will pass Mom my 3 year old was like this for the first week she was very sentimental and as much as I wanted to be strong I would cry too heck I even cried on the first day she didn’t cry lol. But it will be OK!! The first month the teacher suggested for her to start of just for two hours and gradually she would stay the whole day. I know now with COVID it’s hard but I would always call and ask how she’s doing or make surprise visits and take her home. Good luck !
It’s just a settling in thing, don’t worry too much about it try and find something that can comfort her both at home and school, she just needs to let the seoeration phase kick in that this is a regular thing and it can be fun, I’m surprised the teachers havnt done some sort of stageered starting for her and slowly increased the time
I had to put a pic of mommy and daddy in my youngest sons backpack for him, he could look at and help him not be scared, it worked great
All my 3 kiddos had these same issues I got creative to help them out. I made small photo albums for them to take to school with them with photos of family member and pets. The teachers allowed this and they were allowed to have it in their area as a comfort tool. It worked amazingly!!
My son has anxiety and when he was just starting school and having a hard time adjusting we bought a small photo album and let him pick out pictures he wanted to put in it. He put it in his backpack and would take it out at school whenever he was missing us. We would let him update the pictures periodically and he kept it until he was in third or fourth grade.
Why do you have a 4 year old in preschool?
It will pass. Try having someone else drop her off at school. Maybe that’ll help. Maybe encourage her by telling her that the other kids there are being “big boys and big girls” and she can be a “big girl” too.
It sounds stupid but it really does help her in the long run to be able to deal with her emotions herself when she gets older to just wait this out. If you can this is what I did for my son when he was younger. Go onto Shutterfly and make a free 8x8 photo book of you and her and let her take it to school everyday. I used to tell my son when he misses me to look at his book and tell me I love you and I’m right there with him. It helped him and he didn’t need it for long. He got over it fast. But it was a security thing for him. It might help.
Separation anxiety my son had it for awhile and he cried a few times at school , hit,
Smacked they can’t be reason with at that point.
We had him have a picture of me in his back bag, we did the kissing hand book, we
Did a special craft he had a piece I had the other, after time he got better
Make sure she’s not crying because of a teacher situation ( Pre k he had one tantrum) but kindergarten got worse it was teacher related! 1 st grade no issue. 2nd we shall see.
Ask to spend the day with her if you can or do peek cheeks where she can’t see you .
In the am Try not to rush , be impatient, be calm explain get a egg timer and say when this beeps it’s time for us to go and your going to have a wonderful day mommy loves you brave girl something like that.
My son for two weeks Straight threw screaming tandrums hitting bitting crying in k I couldn’t drag him to
The car he missed 10
Days ( pre k no missed days) all because the teacher would yell about him folding a towel they use to lay on and she would leave him behind if he didn’t get it!
My son did the same thing in preschool, it went on for weeks. All day every day. Then a really sweet teacher’s helper started sitting with him and giving him some extra attention, and he just stopped immediately. She was wonderful and a total lifesaver. I understand that’s not always an option, but maybe see if there’s someone available to sit and color with her or something for a bit to help distract her from the crying and make her feel more comfortable. This year I was so afraid he was going to have a hard time with kindergarten, but thankfully, he’s doing great! He does bring a locket with a picture of me and his dad in it, and that helps too I think! Best of luck.
“The kissing Hand” Book and a book called “The Invisible String” they’re my 2 favorite and helped my kids SO much!
It will pass, keep her home till she’s old enough, my daughter did the same thing, first day at school when she was 5, she was fine
Maybe try having a play date with a child in her class that way she’ll have a friend.
My grandson did this I got him a small teddy bear holding a heart and we filled it up with hugs, he held onto it for about a week and I explained that he got tired and needed to have naps during the day so it was put in the cubby where he could see it and that worked like a charm
Is there and way you could she if someone else drops her off instead of you. It does sometimes makes it easier on the child!
Take permission and be at school for some time when u drop her there. ( not sure if school allows) It works. In ur presence kids become comfortable and friendly with other kids and then continue it
I made my twins a small photo album that they could keep in their book bag. And then their teachers would let them take it out and sit somewhere quiet for 2-5 min until they calmed down
I got the book from photo book. It’s an app.
It helped so much and still does. We just started new school. Teachers. Friends
Good luck