My daughter doesn't want to except that she has started her period: Adivce?

My daughter is getting her period now but doesn’t want to accept it is happening. She tries to hide it and free bleed or hides the underwear and tissue hidden in her room or under my bathroom furniture for me to find. She’s destroying clothes, I’m afraid she will pull this and I won’t catch it and she gets made fun of in school. I’ve tried talking to her, making pads accessible so she didn’t have to come to me, giving her a garbage pail in her room, punishing, lecturing. I honestly don’t know what to do but this needs to stop. HELP!!

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How old is this girl? Sound like she might need some professional help if she’s just denying that it’s happening.

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TAke her to the doctor

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Is there anyone else sharing the bathroom? She could just be embarrassed. Get a can with a lid for either the bathroom or her bedroom or even both.

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Peroxide. Soak her clothes in it. The blood will come out. Maybe therapy? Someone she can talk to?

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I aint no mother but as a daughter i think you should talk to her calmly
Tell her what it means
Let her know there’s nothin to be ashamed of
And how some of us dont get it, and that she’s lucky that she do :slight_smile:
Talkin and explainin calmly can easily help , hopefully xx

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Is there another girl/woman in her life? Sometimes my kids won’t listen to me about stuff but the moment someone else says it, they are like “oh hey that’s a great idea” maybe someone else could step in and pretend like they are on their period and need to go get a pad so they don’t ruin their nice clothes or bleed through and show the whole world.

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I was just talking to a friend about this the other day. She has a teen age daughter and this generation is very understanding about free-bleeding. I wonder if the mom in this case is projecting her own fear.

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Does she have an aunt? Maybe try having her aunt talk to her about it.

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Talk to her nice and make her listen. But just the important stuff and how to take care of herself while she is menstruating. Your Daughter is probably embarrassed to talk about this to you. That happens a lot. Best is to just not mention it after the talk or she will never confine in you and ask for help.

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Moms are embarrassing. Does she have an aunt or an older cousin who is cool and can talk her through it?

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Maybe ask the Doctor to have a word…There are now period knickers she might prefer them cos she doesnt need to wear pads…

Make her clean her underwear and wherever she bleeds. Anything to do with her period, she cleans it. You’ve made everything accessible. Ask her if she needs a different type of pad. Make her go to the store and pick out the one she wants. I understand it’s embarrassing, but this might be how she actually starts to use them.

Take her to the doctor for her check up and maybe explain to the doctor that she isn’t accepting what’s happening to her body, and they can discuss it with her.

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Pantene shampoo works great on blood stains !

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There is something super wrong going on. Please call her pediatrician and make an appointment. This isn’t normal behavior. I had a schizophrenic patient who did this…

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Maybe if she is made fun of in school she will want to stop acting that way! Harsh yes, but sometimes u have to be.

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Tampons and pads can be scary and confusing. Maybe look into other methods.

I know they make panties that will absorb the blood, maybe invest in some of those for her so she can find out what is most comfortable for HER.

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Buy her period undies.

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I’ve heard of this happening with individuals who have dysmorphia because they are disgusted by their own period. Maybe try talking to her and finding out the root cause of her behavior. It might also be worth having her talk to her doctor or a counselor.

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Period underwear instead of pads maybe

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They have period panties for girls. Look them up and buy her them. This was she doesn’t have to say anything until she is ready and you won’t have to worry about her at school.

Maybe try period underwear?

Get her period underwear it’s allows free bleeding of a sort and it won’t run anymore clothes. She can use one pair all day and it’s reusable so once she’s home get her to put a new pair on and wash that one out and throw it in the washer.

My daughter went thru this just stay calm and explain all women go through this and assure her you can buy pads that are thin so she won’t be embarrassed … maybe let her pick out what she feels comfortable wearing my daughter chose the underware that are like pads and grew to hate them and she wanted the thin pads .
Give it time if that doesn’t help have a doctor talk with her .
Wishing you the best of luck

Not sure how old your daughter is but maybe try talking to her as to why she does these things maybe take her to the doctor I know there are certain birth control pills that stop your period not saying shes sexual active or anything but maybe she is having extreme pain or other issues that go hand in hand with why she chooses just to do these things… I know when I was younger I got wicked extreme cramps headaches ect when I had my montly and I dreaded it everytime…

My daughter did exactly this. It got better when I bought her teen pads. Maybe see if she would wear tampons. I tried everything with my daughter and something finally just clicked rather it be the pads or me talk g to her constantly about it.

You need to sit down and talk with her that it is unhygenic and people think its gross when you bleed everywhere and that she needs to take care of herself. Ask her why she refuses to wear pads. Show her all the different options for sanitary products, tampons, pads, menstrual cups, period panties. Ask her which one she would perfer. You really gotta sit down and tell her whats what. And if that doesnt work id make her clean all of the blood anywhere it gets from clothes to furniture so maybe she will cease the behavior to avoid having to clean it. If not i know it sounds awful but let her get embarassed at school nothing forces someone to change like peer pressure :grimacing::grimacing:

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Try the period underwear and buy several different types of pads and liners. My daughter tried about 6 did brands and sizes before she felt comfortable. Also maybe get her a few books that discuss all these body changes and the feelings associated with them. This is a good one for younger girls.

Always check with your child’s doctor. Today’s teens and pre- teens seem to get everything off the Internet, suggest some age appropriate videos for her to look up. Best of luck to you both.

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Have you had the talk with her yet about her body changing? I feel like parents are to scared to have this talk because they wanna keep their kids innocence but they need to know what their bodies are telling them. Also maybe make her feel comfortable enough to where she can talk to you about these things don’t make her feel bad for it.

Also maybe try taking her to pick which ones she would like most, what’s most comfortable for her. Depending on age I’d start her off with pads and panty liners but if she wants to try tampons then show her how to use them properly.

About the underwear thing tell her if she isn’t going to put anything on then she can clean it up herself. Wash the blood out and such.

Maybe buy her some tampons and leave them in her room. I know to this day I hate pads and would rather use toilet paper then wear a diaper. Pads feel super gross to me. I know I had friends growing up who associated tampons with sex, so those girls would borrow tampons from the rest of us. My mom was the mom who would put a huge box of tampons and condoms from Sam’s club under the sink in bathroom. No questions asked for awhile. Lol after a few years my mom asked dang you sure do go through alot of condoms. It wasn’t me, my friends new my mom kept a full stock so they would help themselves. My mom was fine with it though, she was just happy it may have stopped some unwanted STDs or pregnancy.

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This seems to be period related body dysmorphia. I have body dysmorphia and when I was younger and was getting periods my dysmorphia got worse. If you want to Pm me feel free.

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Ask her why she’s hiding it. She could be mortified, or think if she ignores it it will go away. It could be a completely different reason only she knows. Don’t punish her for it jeez. It’s new to her and doesn’t sound like she completely understands. Talk to her, mom. Go in her room, sit down, pull her on your lap and just hug her and talk. Those are the most loving times I remember with my mom. Ask questions. Tell her to ask questions. Or if she’s embarrassed about it, write it in a notebook and pass the notebook back and forth.

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I agree with trying period underwear and maybe getting her to talk to someone.

You should tell her the kids will make fun of her at school for bleeding through her clothes. Kids are mean.

I would consider cloth pads or period underwear.

My daughter is 11 and started her period over a year ago. Amazon has period/leakproof underwear that I purchased for her because I realized that at this age teaching her and reminding her of the importance of changing pads frequently might not come so easily while at school and she did have one leak through last year and she was mortified…thankfully only a teacher saw and it was at the end of the day when she was walking out to the car. I also explained that all women have had that happen before and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We normalize discussing periods/bodies in our home to help with feeling comfortable because we never want her to feel ashamed. Side note * She does wear a pad with them however I actually was in desperate need of more coverage when I was going through a miscarriage and I used them with and without a pad because the bleeding was so heavy I took the pad off because it was serving no purpose due to the severity of my miscarriage. I was shocked but they honestly held up and didn’t leak through one time. Afterwards I rinsed them out and the blood rinsed out easily…Even after washing them there were no stains leftover. I’m sharing this because maybe purchasing these and placing them in her drawer after showing them to her and explaining them to her will prompt her to use these instead of what she is doing now. Amazon also has a body book for girls that I purchased and read with my daughter when her body started to change. It talks about body changes and is really helpful and a good bonding tool. I will post the link to the underwear.

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Knixteen panties are worth the money they don’t leak if your period is not to heavy. My daughter struggles with her period and these help her. She doesn’t want anyone to know so these protect her from having accidents at school.

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It’s totally normal behavior. It’s gross, but normal. It’s new to her, I swear I did the same think for like the first 3 months. Just have a talk, have her pick out pads, buy some period underpants. Maybe she’s the first of her friends. It was kinda scary for me.

Maybe get her those reusable period underwear so if she choses to free bleed then at least this underwear isn’t going to let it leak. And she doesn’t need to be putting pads on and less garbage.

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Could it be a sensory thing?

Are you able to get her the period panties that she CAN bleed onto?

I wish I would have had those when I first started.

When blood gets in fabric the BEST way to remove it is by using the spit of the bleeder. Sounds gross but it works wonders. Just spit until saturated. Rub and let sit a bit. Then wash. Should be clean.

Out of curiosity does your daughter have a gender identity question? Could that be part of the denial? Birth control stops periods. Maybe talk to doctor if it is related to gender identity.

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I would take her to a doctor personally.

My daughter did this as well shes 11. I just keep reminding her to put a pad on. And accidents do happen i got her period underwear to try as well shell still have to wear a pad but if she has accident its not supposed to go thru to her pants. Maybe look into get her some of those i bought mine off amazon or even those period panties that you dont have to wear pads with :woman_shrugging: ive looked into those too. Recently we had to remind her that she needs to go to the bathroom more often just to check so she doesnt over flow the pad i said even if you dont have to pee its still a good idea to go clean up and check your pad to avoid accidents. Shes still young and irregular so its going to happen regardless but try not to make her feel bad i know it gets frustrating but shes still learning too.

Have her pediatrician talk to her. Believe it or not this is not an uncommon thing. They are having a hard time accepting the reality of becoming a woman, since they really are still a child.

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Talk to her could pads be making her uncomfortable you can have allergic reactions to pads and tampons :pensive: I would see try cloth pads or period underwear :heart:

Cloth pads? Mine are lined with a deep red and in the 3 years I’ve been using cloth pads I have never seen one bit of blood on them, and I have never had a leak and I have endometriosis and HEAVY long periods.

Something is causing anxiety. Whether the blood, or maybe the fact she is growing up and is afraid of the responsibility that comes with woman hood. In my own experience I know adults put a hell of a lot of emphasis on periods meaning you’re not a child anymore, you’re transitioning into a young woman and maybe someone in her life has told her similar.
Try to reassure her she is still a kid, and still free to do kid things, it’s just simply a part of development and she still has lots of time to be who she is.

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And another page is called ‘Ruby Love’ they are period underwear for those whom prefer to free bleed

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I got mine in 3rd grade and hid it for nearly a year. When my parents found out they spoke to me as if I was an idiot even though I had properly handled it for it for a year. Still never felt comfortable speaking to them or a doctor. Having the resources available to me and a puberty book for answers to questions without the pressure worked best for me.

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My niece does the same but it’s with pads… She leaves them everywhere and tries to hide it… She said it was embarrassing… It’s only been like 5 months and her mom just talks about how normal it is and demonstrated proper ways to deal with her period and. They even made her an emergency kit for her backpack in a cute little makeup bag…she is slowly getting better

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Theres a brilliant book on Amazon called what’s happening to me… Maybe she just needs time. Wishing you luck

Don’t punish her she is still trying to figure it out. She will. My daughter just started this year. Same thing with her.

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This is all bloody excellent advice!!! I’ll be taking this on board too, I have a 7yo girl and I’ve been struggling how to broach the subject properly about ladies bodies and ways we can protect our privacy etc, she still has a long way to go physically but it’s always good for us mamas to know all our different options now for our daughters for when they get to those years…soo thank you all…

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Period underwear. I also made it a bit of a spoiling bit. First day just kind of get her treats or ice cream and heating pad if needs it and lots of cuddles.

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You can get her some period panties. They are wonderful. That way, she doesn’t have to wear a pad.

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Take her to a Women’s Clinic, have a professional talk with her.

You can purchase the period underwear, bonds now have a range so she doesn’t need to wear a pad etc, maybe this will feel more comfortable for her to wear

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First of all do not punish her. We as women have been taught for long enough to be ashamed of our bodies and it’s natural functions. Punishing her just reinforces that shame. Secondly sit down and actually talk to her and listen to her as well. Maybe try taking her out and getting ice cream and spend time with her while you bring it up. Let her know that it is nothing to be ashamed of and apologize for punishing her for it. No wonder she’s hiding it or trying to. Also getting her the panties everyone is talking about is a good thing to start with. I got my first period at my uncles wake, leaked through light pink pants in front of god and everyone. I didn’t even know it had happened. My mother took me to the bathroom and gently talked to me and helped me. Let me know it was a natural process females go through and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Please do the same for her.

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Maybe get some really pretty cloth pads she can use and definitely make sure understands what her body is doing and why. Here’s a picture of some pads that a work at home mom has made, Ive been using them and my girls think they’re so pretty so they don’t mind them

I got period panties off Amazon and you can wear them all day in place of a pad. There is no smell or leaks and just throw them in the wash on hot. Can’t say enough good things about them!!!

I did go through this I also had started very very early at 9 years old. I grew up in a family of nurses and school teachers so from a younger age I had known what it was but I was still ashamed of it happening since I was the first of my grade cluster to start getting a period. I’d hide everything and not tell my mom when my next cycle started she sat me down with my grandmother who was a nurse and they had a more in depth conversation with me and it helped quite a bit also they did regular checks if I was actually using the pads it took a while but I got used too it. It takes a couple cycles to get into the groove of it but constant reassurance and being a friend to help will go a long way

Get her some of the panties and boxer briefs that are especially made for free bleeding. They have built in leak protection.

Get her period underwear and talk about it freely. How old? Don’t talk about her period specifically but periods in general. Make it a normal thing to discuss. You’re on the right track doing great things I’m positive she’s grateful for. She’s just clearly having a hard time.

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Buy her period underwear

Maybe sit down and watch some videos with her, heating pad, reassuring her that almost every girl gets it and that it isn’t embarrassing, if she’s worried she’s going to leak or get cramps in school tell her the school nurse will let her sit in there until the midol starts helping and that they have free pads and tamps ( they usually do)

Buy her period underwear, and talk to her about periods and see if she will explain why she is doing that.

Get her period underwear so she can free bleed . Pads maybe uncomfortable for her

Take her to a female gynecologist to talk to her about it

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Talk to her and explain everything. She’s just scared.

Unfortunately she’s got it for the rest of her life, try and put a pack together for school so she’s got spare underwear, pads, painkillers and anti inflammatories, etc. Encourage tracking her period so she can prepare herself when it’s close. Don’t encourage free bleeding, it’s unhygienic but they make period underwear. I always had black underwear for coming on just in case.

What about those period panties. If it is really upsetting for her and you replace hers with those she won’t have to worry about it and neither will you. Hugs. I’m otherwise at a lose of what to say.

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How old is your daughter?

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Try to get to the bottom of why shes fighting the period so much? Maybe try the period panties.

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Look up ruby red. Awesome products

I knkw someone going through thus exact situation she took her to her first big girl appointment at the gyno and got her on BC that stops the periods it has made her more comfortable

I was 9 when I got my first period. I knew what it was but I didn’t know or understand why or what it really was. Get the U by Kotex the thin pads. Maybe have her go shopping with you and show her it’s nothing to be ashamed of happens to all women. Let her pick out what she prefers to try. Try to make it where it’s not so embarrassing. She’ll pull through. Tell her to wear black yoga pants and comfy pjs during her periods. She’s hormonal for sure. Also I use shout spray when I bleed through then wash with the arm & hammer detergent with the oxy clean in it and it takes all stains out. Have a girls night with her

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Buy her period underwear

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Hydrogen peroxide for blood

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When my daughter started hers we had a her and I day, we celebrated it as it was her becoming a woman, so I tested her as she was a woman we went got our hair done sat at home watched some her favorite netflix series, ate candy and junk food mostly chocolate and had pizza and icecream. She started in a school day tbh I let her stay home that day and I just done kinda the things she wanted to do to celebrate her becoming a woman, she then felt more comfortable to talk about it, and it worked for us.

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Maybe she’s too young? Get her that period underwear and a special book so she can read and understand what is happening. If she’s the only one of her friends who has her period she probably is in denial. She’ll feel better when some of her friends start getting their period as well.

Buy her some period underwear and don’t stress her with a bunch of your frustration. I was one of those girls and it took me years to make friends with my period. It was gross and embarrassing and everyone acting like it was normal just freaked me out. But my mom never said a word about my mishandling it and just soaked everything in peroxide. She just said to throw those clothes in my shower and by my doing that she kept a calendar. When the day was coming I would find a baggy of pads, a pair of clean panties and midol on my sink when I woke up for my backpack.

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I was also like that when it all started. Its because of embarrassment and feeling ashamed because you dont know whats going on. Your a young teen so you have natural insecurities and now on top of periods and emotions starting… it was too much for me…

Get her a bin in room, buy darker coloured underwear for that week and let her look at some pantyliners. When i was a young teen i wished that i had more of a variety of pads to work with.

I felt uncomfortable and could like legit hear the pad make sounds when i was walking it was so disheartening. I felt like my life sucked because i had one more thing to worry about not just my grades…

Give her a party
To celebrate :tada:
Get her a plant
And :birthday:
And give her tampons

Put ketchup in pants and show her how embarrassing it will be to show up like that in school

Get her the period underware

Get some period undies

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Oh my goodness stop punishing her for something out of her control!!
Get her some Thinx underwear and leave her alone.

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Take her and put her on Shot until she can handle it. What we had to do with one of mine turned out she has PMS. Is not Emotional muture enough to handle all the extra hormones.

Take her to the doctor/ nurses

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You can buy pants now instead if pads that are washable x

Try talking, and explaining what is happening and ask how you can help support her in figuring it all out. Sometimes it takes a lil tlc, and some gentle explaining, maybe get a mestrual tracker app on her phone to remind her that it’s that time and keep her prepared. I remember my mom gave me some of her tampons and I was horrified.

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Try sitting and having a calm talk with her. Voice your concerns that you don’t want her to be in an embarrassing situation at school if she isn’t prepared.

Or there are period underwear where you can just wear them and nothing else. You take them off after about 8 hours and wash them. Get her a couple of those and she’ll have the same routine without spoiling clothes xxxxxx

Otherwise just keep leaving pads for her to use.
Or

How old is she? If shes really young she may feel like her world has ended. Shes probably feeling embarassed like she did something wrong. Could be just not wanting anyone to know. How is she with other hygiene showers brushing teeth washing face etc?

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Following… My 12 year old doesnt want to discuss it either or even admit it. 5 kids but shes the only girl and the baby so i feel like a first time mom here.

Maybe she’s embarrassed and shy about it all? I’ve told my daughters that they don’t have to be afraid to talk to me about stuff, so we have an open communication when it comes to stuff like this. Good luck!

Hydrogen peroxide gets blood stains out. Soak the clothes in it.

Get period panties for her. They are amazing! Also clean them with hydrogen peroxide after rinsing clean with water.

I’d also get a calendar to start tracking her when she is “on her days”. That way you can remind her to wear her “special” undies…

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I was 10 when I started and my mom made me buy my first pads and I was so embarrassed. Maybe that’s what is wrong maybe she is just embarrassed. Let her know it’s a fact of life and she will have it the next 40 years.

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Well sit her down and support her about the situation. Don’t just ignore it, talk to her about it even if she feels uncomfortable. Just say that you know things are changing and maybe show her an example of how to change pads and or to throw her dirty clothes in a basket and have her wash them or you can. She don’t need to feel shamed out. All I’m saying is, I remember when I got it, i was alone in boarding school and i was 12. I had no one to turn to but knew how to keep myself clean and throw things away. It was just common sense to me. But hey i hope this works out? Good luck!! :black_heart:

How about a period starter kit? Different samples of pads, tampons, and a booklet that she can read on her only about having a period.

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