My daughter has been upset that I work so much: Advice?

They have to get used to real life. As kids we all grizzled for things WE wanted to happen, but we learned you cant have everything you desire.
It’s tough love, but she is now learning what a strong, independent woman you are, explain to her why you have to work. You are the best role model.
As long as you’re putting the quality time in when you’re together.

Balance is hard … I used to tell mine that i worked so they got to play footy and netball and get the fun stuff … If I didn’t work then they wouldn’t be able to do it … 50 hrs is alot …

Spend time with your daughter.

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Explain that you gotta work and pay bills

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They’re only little once.

Work less now. Or will regret later.

Life sucks get use to it!

Can you work from home at all? I would sit with her and go over bills/expenses and show her why you’re gone so long. It’s a necessity. Can you guys video chat at work? Send each other texts?

I know this isn’t an advice but I do work for a company called Monat (we sell haircare, skincare, & wellness products) it’s an amazing company !! You get to work around your own schedule & with this, you can have so much time with your daughter! There’s so many moms, college students, non-college students on this team !! You’ll love it as much as I do! Msg me if you’re interested :slightly_smiling_face: I’ll love to tell you more :white_heart:

If you can AFFORD to cut your hours, I would start there. But if you cannot, try to make the best of the time you have with your kid. It’s easy for ppl to tell you to reduce your hours but chances are you probably have to work 50 hours to pay the bills which I understand.

Are you in a position to cut your hours? Or work part-time? If so take the opportunity now, work will always be there- your kid won’t always be 7.

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For me I just dont take overtime unless its mandatory or if theres a job that really needs finished (maybe once or twice a month). My kiddo perfers me around over getting extra things so I get a job that I go in early and im off before shes done with school. So I’m always there. For me I had to pick a job that best suited what my child needed from me, and for her that’s my time.

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I only work 40 hours a week and by the time we (I have a 10 year old) get home and have dinner there isn’t much time left for us to do a lot in the evenings either. It doesn’t really matter what we decide to do…simply hanging out is sometimes enough. We like to color. Sometimes a half hour for her to do my make up. Or finding a show that we love and snuggling up for a while together. We get a tinker crate once a month and those are awesome. Mostly I found that household chores can usually wait. When I’m making time for her I also find it’s important to set the phone down. Focus on just her. I went through something similar with her a few years ago and we made mommy and me bracelets together one night. To help her see that even if we aren’t together I’m still there and I still love her. Also talk with her…where does she stay while you’re working…maybe something else is going on…and this is how it’s presenting itself.

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Call off honestly sometimes the job can wait but making memories with your kids is better and over working yourself you’ll miss alot

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Explain to her why you have to work. And make sure everything’s okay with whoever’s watching her while you’re working.

You can’t take money to the grave. Your kid needs her mom, NOW.

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Honestly, I feel like the only thing that will help is you working less… My best friend growing up, was an only child with a single mama, she worked at the hospital and was always working. She’s done well, she’s got her house and she’s got everything she could want, but my friend has always, for as long as I can remember, absolutely hated the fact her mum worked so much. She missed out on so much and I know this still does get to my friend. She’s an incredible mother, always has been and she’s always done her best to provide but money, clothes, luxuries, odd days out, all of that doesn’t matter when they feel alone… I know we all want the best for our kids and will work continously to give them what they want, but when what they want is you, nothing will suffice!

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Hopefully you have your husband and her grandparents to spend time with her when you are not there. They play an important role in child’s life as well.

I saw something the other day that basically said find a job that works around your kids and their schedules. Maybe not that exact wording but that was the gist of it. Especially kids that young, they need their parents. Find something at night or when shes busy with school or something. If something were to happen to you, your job would replace you so quickly. But no one can fulfill your place in your childs life, and they grow sooo fast. Listen to her. Shes telling you she needs you. :revolving_hearts:

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You need to talk with her and explain why work is so important to the family and her. Kids don’t understand. In todays society it’s incredibly hard to balance work and home especially as a single parent. Make as much time as you can and maybe involve her in work there at home helping you so that you can spend that time together as well. Time spent TOGETHER doesn’t all have to be fun and entertainment you just have to be together and communicate. You can be together and teaching life skills and it will mean just as much to them as just play time.

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From a mom who worked 60 + hours a week , mostly 3rd shift some mornings . If you can and you have it use paid time off for three day mini vacation. Please slow down and enjoy your child for the next 10 years, make memories with her milestones.

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Has much has it sucks you just have to remind her that you have to be able to pay for all the things she enjoys food tv etc and going to work is the only way you can. It can’t be help

Try getting some time off? Take her away for the weekend? Girly trip, then explain to her that you have to work so you can afford food clothes and home to live in then get some kind of chart bored and every weekend you guys do something it will give her something to look forward too

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50 hours is hard but sometimes you dont have the option to change hours or it’s the income that’s needed the most. My fiancee has this problem he has 4 kids that live with us and his youngest who is 4 often hears Daddy get up at 4 am and will cry and ask Daddy to stay home with him and not go to work. Yes this melts our heart’s but he has to go to work so he simply tells him that he loves him and ask if he likes his spiderman toys and he says yes and Daddy says that’s why I work so much so I can buy the things that him and his siblings need and want. And he tells him to go back to bed and to be good for me and he will see him when he gets home for supper. And he goes back to bed and is fine all day. Good luck to you.

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I know everyone is going to scream that she is too young to understand, but sit down with her with a piece of paper and show her the costs you have to cover, and your income then let her know that those work hours during the week allow you to do the fun things on the days off!!!

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I feel you :sleepy: my son usually cries in the mornings as I get him ready . I tell him I have to work so I can buy him nice things and we can do fun things as a family and he has an allowance so if he does his chores all week and helps me in the mornings without making me feel bad for working ( I tell him it’s part of being big boy and growing up and soon he will have to get up and go to kindergarten)then he gets an allowance to buy toys or a video game . We do this once a month at the end of the month . It seems to help but he still cries sometimes usually when he is Over tired .

You can’t take money to the grave. Is there a way you can work less? 40 hrs instead of 50? And spend quality time with her. Growing up the first 7 years of my life my mom didn’t work, I was so attached to her. Then when she started working I hated it, I felt like she was taken from me. People kept telling me “she can buy you stuff” yeah but I didn’t want stuff I wanted my mom. Now as a mom I understand why adults work and sometimes I feel the “guilt” for not being able to be a stay at home mom. However, I have learned that it isn’t about quantity, it is about QUALITY time you spend with them. I would say take time off and go on a mini vacation just the two of you. Stop prioritizing work, I’m a very responsible person too and I feel you but our kids need us, work is always going to be there. Family first :point_up:

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Maybe you have vacation days you can use? Set it up to where you have one extra day off a month like a 3day weekend and spend one entire day a month just with your kiddo :orange_heart: that could help you both.

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I worked when my now adults were children- I also have little ones , I used my cellphone to start vlogging this weight loss tea and shapewear and it all took off from there , I wanted to do something so I can still be with my kids , while I am on the phone A LOT , I’m still able to say I am now retired early at 40 and get to be with my little ones now and we have so much fun daily almost :sweat_smile: and have multiple streams of income that I operate on my own my Instagram is : mom_kidprenurs if any moms want to follow me

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I feel so sorry for both of you. I can only imagine what this must feel like, my mother never worked and either have I, I’m thankful I get to stay at home and raise my kids while my husband works.

I explain i need to work to get money for toys, food, etc I’ve switched shifts to be able to spend more time with him but this hasn’t always been an option ill have to go back to evenings and feel so guilty but in a single mom ( his dad died) I honestly just feel guilty all the time its an internal struggle. Every now and again though there will be a time where he will want something and if I say I don’t have money he looks at me with a serious expression and says " oh well can you go to work to get some? Lol :laughing:

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I understood when and why my mom worked soooo much. My baby sister tho …she did not and still resents my mom for working so much as if she didn’t see what we had to go thru. I too needed my mom but i who else was gonna pay for our household expenses?

I work a lot as well and have a 9 year old I usually will have him read while I cook or at night we’ll read together do breakfast before work if time allows up weekends are booked with park pool beach weekend quick trips

Following because I’m currently upset with my husband who works way too much. It use to be Monday-Friday and weekends were family time. Now its Monday- Saturday. We have a newborn and an almost 2yo.

I just broke it easily to my kids that my job as a mommy was to go to work so i can pay bills, pay for food, fun times on trips, clothes, shoes, medicine, to pay for pets, and all the fun toys and video games. The child’s job is to go to school everyday to get an education so you can grow up and go to college and get a good job when they are older. So we need to each do our own special part to work together so the home life runs smoothly. I hope this helps :heart:

In the same boat I try to a girls night once a week and when I have a hour or two I ask what she wants to do. When she becomes upset I just tell the truth enjoy the time we have cuz if not we can’t do the things you like. And most importantly bills don’t pay themselves

Work 4 10 hour shifts a week. Be home 3 days a week for her until school starts back up again. Then go back to your 50 hours a week.

As someone with a single mother of 6 that worked 60-70 hours a week recently for many years, I am going to be honest and say it did take a toll mentally on my siblings and I. As I grew older I of course also grew to understand that she needed all those work hours to support us :heart: but now that she’s found a new job that she loves and can have a schedule where she can see us more it’s worked out better than before. I would suggest being more attentive. If you keep up with trying your hardest to make time for her I’m sure she’ll understand someday soon. It’s very hard mentally on both the parent and the kid in these situations.

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Sometimes is not about the amount of time we can spend with our kids but, making the most of the time we have. I’m not sure if you have a set schedule or not but, maybe try and set aside an hour a day that you devote to just her. Time to talk about her day, put your phone down turn the TV off and just spend that time with her. Good luck mama, it sounds like you are doing a great job since she feels safe enough to communicate her needs to you!

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Your daughter must be a higher priority than your work. No matter what. I am 65 years old was a single mom for many years. Here’s what I’ve learned
Our daughters- I had two - will remember for a lifetime how much time we spent with them and if any sacrifices were made to meet their needs. My kids are 39 and 35 and have never forgotten how I chose to make other people or things a higher priority than them
The years of resentment were very painful. Give your child what she needs -everything else can wait. She will grow up loving you more bc she will know that no matter what work Demanded of you… you chose HER!

Talk to her , and make sure that everything is ok with her . Is she feeling safe with her caregiver , at daycare , any children bulling her , friends , cousins ? ? ? I’m not assuming that anything has happened . I just always question that , because it happened to me . My mother fully trusted a person that had everyone around him fooled , because he was supposedly a Christian . Just talk to her a lot , and always believe her . Like I said , I’m sorry to sound so suspicious , and I’m sure it’s just my experience , so please forgive me if I’m out of line . One more concern ,the fact that she gets this way at night ! Sometimes when we have serious things on our mind , we always ponder over our troubles at bedtime .

I used to pick up my daughter after school and take her back to work with me when I had to stay late also allow her bed time to be 10pm so we could spend time together.

I’ve been there ! It’s hard especially if you are the provider and don’t have a large support system. I’ve explained to my daughter mommy has to work so we have a home . And maybe planning an hour from when your off of just exclusive play time . I know it’s hard momma , but keep your head up ! You are strong you are amazing and doing the best you can !

I’ve been there. Understand that you’re doing all you can. Forgive yourself. Continue to do what you are doing. No one is paying your bills. Make those moments that you are with her count. Most importantly, keep lines of communication open.

That’s all you can do.

Hi mama!! It sounds like you’re doing such a wonderful job and putting in so much effort. I’d start by asking your daughter if their is a specific thing she’d like to do with you, like if there is something she has in her mind that you guys should be doing. Or maybe she’s in an after school or before school program and there is something or some one she doesn’t like there. Kids have a strange way of communicating what they need. For example maybe she’s being picked on by another kid, and she thinks if mom wasn’t working then I could be home, and not around this mean kid kind of thing. I just want to throw that out there because my step son sometimes asks me things and I think they make no sense, until I realize what it was he was really meaning to ask. When I read your post, to me it sounds like a mom who is in tune with her daughter and making the effort, it feels like an outside factor to me.

Remember we work to live, we dont live to work. Make that time shes only young once and it goes oh so fast xx

Yes - try harder. Reduce your hours or change jobs but put your daughter first. You only get ONE chance at raising your child and once those years have gone you can NEVER get them back. Family should always come first. You can do your 50 hour weeks when they grow up!!!

Family first. I found out that no matter how hard you work, your dedication, your loyalty…none of it means shit when it comes to the bottom line. To a company, you are a number…don’t believe the work family crap that’s spouted around. You are replaceable at work. Your family values you…don’t make it #2 in your life.

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Tell her to learn to deal with it. If she wants food, a new toy, new clothes, a place to live, possibly a car to ride in to go places, you have to work. You could be on the street somewhere living out of your car or whatever would she prefer that? You are giving her more than most kids with only one parent. Yep just tell her to buck up.

Honestly, I think it comes down to priorities and why you’re working that much. My father worked several jobs to provide for us and often weekends too. He needed to spend time away because there was no other way for us to meet ends meet. And he always made time to volunteer for a few school events so he could show up for us.
But I also know people who get addicted to the grind. They see “providing” for their kid as providing more material things than the bare necessities but then lack on being able to provide their kid emotional support they need while growing into themselves.
Idk your life, idk why you work the way you do and the reasons behind it. But I do think it’s good that you’re asking because this decision will affect your child’s development. It will affect your relationship to them, and their relationship to others. Abandonment trauma starts young and honestly a lot of it comes from “my parents were never around”. I won’t shame you for it bc like I said my dad did what he had to do so I get it and I love and appreciate him for it. I will say that if its necessary, your kid will eventually one day understand even if it’s not today. … but IF it’s not necessary to work this much, determine your priorities, set your boundaries at work, and focus on living to live rather than to work. 50 hrs a week is a lot to put your body and brain through over an extended period

Explaine to work tings in money to live .Point out the things she loves are because you work so hard. Money doesn’t grow on trees.

50-60 hour a week father of two here, 8 & 6 and I sat them down and we talked about responsibility and scheduling and how pay and hours worked are related and they actually grasped it pretty well.

I was once that kid. Imo, take the hurt. Cuz once i learned the struggles my family went through to give me whatbthey did, I resented all the material items i was given

There is no balance when you work over 40 hours.
Someone gets the brunt end of the stick and it’s always your family

Find a remote job so you can work from home. She’s old enough now she’ll be in school most of the year and can occupy herself during your work hours where you have to be on the phone or a video conference. It’s easier when they’re that age. I do it with a 7 year of and a 2 year old. It’s harder with a toddler running around to focus but I make up my hours at night.

It is so hard having to work long hours to provide and feeling the guilt

Once your daugher turns 13 she will want her friends , not you. Best bet is to cut down your hours, drastically right now. You have about 6 years left to seal the bond.

Put your kids first. Don’t make excuses to them. Be firm with your boss about family obligations. If they don’t get it, get a new job. Serriously. Children need security.

Aww that’s tough! 7 is such a sweet age. Perhaps a conversation with your boss about a flex time schedule that will allow you to spend more time with her?

Do you have a husband? Tell him to pick up the slack even a second job so you can be with your kid…

Find out if anything is going on while your are away. Read between the lines.

Who is watching her when your working ? Maybe she is trying to tell you something!

She is telling you that you are neglecting her by your absence! You must either get fewer hours or get another job that allows you time with your daughter before the Streets do it! She needs you, now! If you have to apply for Public Assistance, do it!

Make a once a week date with her

I agree with your daughter

If your child is telling you something. Means god is telling you something!

Gotta develop a work ethic early.

but must have a child…

I suggest a bit of delegating if possible, if you are a workaholic, you can change your pattern, if there is no one to take a few hours off your schedule, you need to rethink how important this job is to you, more than your family?

Have meals pre prepared so that time you’d normally be cooking etc, come home, play with her, watch her at her sports, spend time with her. Do the cooking and cleaning later when she goes to bed.

Is it possible she’s indicating she does not like whoever her babysitters are?