My daughter is acting out: Advice?

Mom’s, I need advice. My 8 yr old daughter has been a big meany. She actually went as far as hitting another kid at school today. Now we don’t condone this behavior. I have taken away EVERYTHING toys phone tv. I made her write sentences. Here’s the catch she’s been so good at home helping around the house not arguing. Ect. Her grades a pretty good too. A little about us… we’re having a new baby in April. She’s been the only child the whole time. I was a single mom for quite a long time before marrying my husband. 2 yrs now. We give her individual time and attention. We involve her as much as possible with baby things. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong here. Can any seasoned parents give me advice?


Don’t blame yourself…Just keep giving her consequences

Could she be jealous of the new baby? Or possibly being bullied at school?

1 Like

Children do this when big things happen. It’s how they know how to cope. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Things will get better once she realizes that she’s still loved❤️

Maybe the kid has been bullying her. If she’s good at home I’d investigate what’s up at school.

1 Like

If she’s good at home, and not acting out . its more than likely something/one at school. She’s prolly being bullied. An stood up for herself. Talk to her!!!

Whoop that ass, I was raised old school. Child is old enough for physical punishment, make her stand in the corner,make her stand in the room where she cant watch tv or anything and whoop that ass… if you dont try and fix it now it will continue and that’s not something you need around a baby and while you’re raising a baby

My daughter acted out when she found out I was pregnant. There’s a 8 1/2 year age difference. It got better until the new baby arrived. Her behavior was awful. She finally is accepting it. I call it only child syndrome. I feel like it’s hard for children to express how they are feeling and they take it out on others. I pray things get better for you. Maybe talk to her teacher and see if there’s a issue at school?


Did you ASK her why she hit someone else? Have a conversation with her?

Investigate school something is up !!
Maybe try to hang out at school for the day
Also talk to her about things
But don’t feel sorry if she is acting out still need consequences

1 Like

What did the other child do? Why did she hit them?

1 Like

When does the hitting occur at school? Often, children will act out earlier in the day, most often before lunch, because they’re hangry. I would check in to this. I can’t tell you what to do at home, but know that she’s being disciplined for this at school as well so consequences at home and school may be to much… But before you look into the aspect of her being bullied at school or expressing jealousy over the expected baby, I would honestly look in to the timing of her outbursts.

1 Like

If the problem is only at school I would start there. Are the other children being mean to her? How is the teacher? Is she getting enough to eat? Is the bus ride long? Are the children misbehaving on the bus? Sometimes I think the best thing to do is let the school punish for school things and let the home punish for home things. Does she communicate with you about school and what is going on? Do you listen?


1st why the hell does an 8yr old have a phone to begin with, and 2nd if she hit someone maybe there was a good reason behind it. Have you asked her what happened and why she did it

1 Like

You could always try getting her into sports or other activities to see if that relieves some stress she has of not being your only baby anymore.

1 Like

This happened with my 4 yr old. He would have tantrums every day, he got better after my baby was born but now he craves more attention from me only . It’s hard on him & I feel bad for disciplining when it’s needed . I just try to make sure I give him all the love he needs .

If she’s good at home, something may be going on at school. If the kid was being a bully, sorry he deserved it. Biggest thing is communication. Don’t get mad right away or upset. Get to the bottom of everything. There’s more to the story and maybe she doesn’t deserve to be in trouble.

1 Like

Phone at 8 years old?

Maybe try talking to her, and ask how she’s feeling about the whole situation, even as kids things like that can stress you out, or maybe there’s a problem at school no one is aware of?

My daughter was 6 when i had my son now 1yr old. She acted out some the closer i got to having him and she was extremely involved with my pregnancy and her brother when he got here. It took about 6-8 months after i had him for her to stop acting out it only happened occasionally And most of it was at school. Only advice id give is keep her involved it as much of it as you feel comfortable. Talk to her about how she’s feeling and about how she thinks things will be once baby is here. Make sure she knows and feels important loved and still knows and understands the baby isnt going to change her place in the house or in yalls heart. Best of luck

The problem isn’t with you. But maybe ask her why she’s acting out instead of internet strangers, and talk to her rather than constantly punishing her. She likely doesn’t care if you take away “everything” and she likely doesn’t see the one-on-one time as its overwhelming at 8 to gain a stepparent and a sibling in a relatively short timeframe. It’s not impossible something is happening at school. Its also not impossible she’s just coping with all the life changes in a way she can control and in an atmosphere where she doesn’t see it will have a direct impact on you.

1 Like

Maybe there is a bully or something happening at school that is causing her to do this there and not at home

If she’s not acting out at home then I’d look into if the other kids deserved to be hit! Even if you don’t condone hitting at all, sometimes people will push you to where you feel you have no other choice. Especially a child!

1 Like

I’ve got two older kids and a newborn. 7 and 8 and 4 weeks old. We took them baby shopping and let them each pick out 2 items for baby and now that baby is here we ask them if they would like to help with baby. For example we ask them if they would like to bring a clean diaper or throw away a dirty one. We ask if they would like to talk to baby . We don’t tell them. We ask. And so far that works for us. We’ve got baby on a schedule so when the girls get home from school my husband and I each take a kid and help with homework then on evenings hubby is home we bring the bassinet out to the family room and we sit and watch a movie of the girls choice with them. That’s how we make sure they know they are not being replaced by the new baby. That said my kids are not the type to hit kids even in defense but there are sometimes situations where the kid is just defending themselves and the teachers dont get the full story. I wish my kids would defend themselves sometimes and we would totally back them . Find out from ur kid if anyone is bullying her and pay special attention to if she is repeatedly having issues with one particular kid.

I think you need to sit down with her, make her give an explanation and allow her to express her feelings without fear of punishment about what’s going on in her life. Make her explain how the other child feels when they get hit and how you hope no one would do that to them. If she can’t express her feelings without fear then to you then maybe to a counselor.

Have some special time with her. She’s feeling replaced and jealous

You all are so concerned about what the other child did to her daughter it doesn’t matter what she did this is about her child and teaching her not to react in a bully way the other kid is irrelevant

She is 8 years old,talk to her and see if she will tell you what is going on,keep comunication a key! Because when she is a teenager you will need to be able to talk & listen to her!

1 Like

Why did she do it? Were they being mean? 8 yo go through a stage like that (at least mine did) maybe there is a problem at school you dont know about, if its the first time i wouldnt come down so hard on her especially if she is good at home, i tend to find it counterproductive to punish at home as well as he felt whats the point in behaving at home if hes getting in trouble anyway, but thats us :woman_shrugging: just talk to her

Have you looked into what’s bugging her at school bullying ECT…

Give her a lot of attention and lots of cuddles, she’s needs your attention x

Maybe she is being bullied at school and wont tolerate it anymore, she could be acting out about the baby. Trying setting with her and talking to her ask her how she feels about a new baby. Does she have any concerns or fears about it

You need to find out more info about why she’s acting out in school. No punishment, no judging, have a sit down with her. Is she frustrated with what they’re teaching her? Is she being bullied by kids or adults? She may not be able to verbalize it easily. Be patient & ask teachers & other kids questions as well. Get her in counseling. Punishing her without knowing why she’s acting out is only reaffirming to her that she’s bad & possibly what is happening to her is her fault.

Involve her with everything when the baby gets here. Mine are 4 years apart and they just love eachother now. Let her hold and feed the baby. I’ve got a friend who has done the same thing and her kids are great too.

Be consistent and loving. She’ll come around. Great job mom!

I don’t think you are doing anything wrong! Maybe something is going on at school that she’s not talking about?

Ask her. Talk to her. Not about the baby…

Is someone messing with her? If shes upset about baby id think shed act out at home more

1 Like

Do you do things with her that aren’t about the baby? I know it’s exciting to be expecting a baby, but maybe your daughter is tired of hearing about the baby all the time. My daughters are 5 years apart and my oldest really had to adjust to the idea of another child being around.

Make sure she wasn’t being bullied or anything at school before you really punish especially if they only act out at school

If shes only acting out at school it may be something goinh on at school causing her to act like this.
Sit down with her and talk to her. Let her explain how shes feeling and why shes doing the things she is.

Allot of changes for her in just 2 years. Start with the school experience every day. How was your day today? Sit and listen. I never brought my school issues home but I also had an outlet. Change clothes feed the animals come in go to my room and veg and do homework. OR do laundry. By the time that was over frustration was gone. Never hit another in school though. I was bullied but kids today take another path so find out what is going on at school. Who did she hit and why? Her explanation of why. Might help to understand and alternatives for her in case it comes up again.

Might be because,she is no longer going to be the only child and she us looking for,attention. Have you asked her,what is wrong. Gaurintee her that it is not going to change when the new baby comes. It is,hard for a kid who has been the only child for such a,long time. Give her time. She might actually love it after a whike.

I would definitely set up a meeting with a Christian Counselor so she can tell her feelings and get Godly advice and that will help you too!

Some kids in school are not nice. But you have to weigh things out. Maybe you are moving to fast for her. Sometimes you just have to talk to her get involved with her one one. Ask her if there’s something wrong. Make her know that she is important to.

Well it could be all the change and she’s just acting out as a form of expression or there could be more happening at school. Is she being bullied? Has a change happened within her circle of friends? Does her teacher single her out? Is her teacher not paying attention to her like she feels she should? Also just ask that she speak with the school counselor sometimes kids worry about hurting our feelings so talking to someone with no emotional ties can help. Or seek counseling outside of school…but have patience momma…she’s just adjusting and she doesn’t know how to express what’s happening. She is likely jealous or unsure or maybe even a tiny bit angry over the thought of sharing you and telling you that probably terrifies her especially if she’s anything like my oldest. She sees that you are happy and excited and she likely feels guilty for any negative feelings/thoughts she may be having and just doesn’t know what to do with that.

I honestly think all this is just a big change for her, for a while it was you and her and then you marry and now a new child. Sounds like she wants that attention good or bad she will get it. Try to be a little more understanding. Now I’m not saying reward her bad behavior. But if she’s ok at home and school is the issue maybe there’s something going on at school you know nothing about. It could be a lot of things. Try having someone mutal speak with her. Someone she trusts. Not you or your husband .

Tell her your heart is so big that you will always love her and the new baby. Let her help picking out stuff for the baby tell her she will be a loving big sister maybe let her pick one of the names and outfit to bring the baby home in. I handed our new baby and hug and kissed our son. Let her help getting diapers etc take on a mommy and daughter date, I know someone who takes his daughter on dates

There could be something going on at school. Ask her to see. She could be struggling academically or with students or a teacher

Have you sat down with her and asked her what’s bothering her or how she feels about things?

If it is only at school and not at home…I would try and talk to her about what is upsetting her about school or why she is behaving that way. Could be the big change of a sibling but seems it would be at home then too.

Maybe, possibly she’s having PMS?🤷

1 Like

Is she being bullied by someone else?

SHE IS JEALOUS! Once the baby gets here, and you allow her to help, she will probably change.

Start taking shit away.

It’s an attention thing. You’re doing everything right. My oldest acts out for attention so I ground him when he gets in trouble at school. When he is good I reward him. I find that sitting down and talking with him about what he’s feeling after some time in his room has helped me understand why he acts out and helps him communicate more and act out less.

She just needs to know that u still love her and your family is growing, and nothing will be changing as far as her and u, tell her that she can be u little helper, i find that , that really helps.

Your not doing anything wrong but she could be acting out because mommy is going to have another baby, she might be feeling left out. I would take her to a counlor, they really help.

It doesn’t sound like she’s having issues with you being pregnant, or she would be directing this at you. It sounds like she’s having trouble with someone at school. Your not doing anything wrong. Hang in there :heart:

Maybe ADHD. My daughter had the same problem her teacher suggested adhd. We got her on meds and it helped tremendously

My daughter acted out when new baby was arriving. It was all about control. I’d say best thing is to give her more independent time or play dates, time to be a kid, but not with you directly. It took 3 years for my stubborn daughter to adjust. Went through anger, sadness, Cinderella, anger & now finally adjustment.

So shes only acting out at school is what I am grasping? If that’s the case, is she being bullied? That could be what’s making her act out at school but is fine at home cause home is her safe place


Does she see her own dad? Only asking as my son who is 9 (child with autism) has been acting out since his brother was born, but during this time, his great auntie had passed away, his dad abandoned him and he didn’t want a sibling. Hes acted out at school will do things he shouldbt, his brother turns 1 tomorrow and he still doesn’t want anything to do with him which puts me under the impression hes jealous his brothers fathers about but his isn’t, my circumstances differ from yours tho as he lives with my mum (social services removed him from my care because I fell very ill) were my youngest does live with me so theres a lot more jealousy involved. But it could be your daughter is jealous and acting out is her being frustrated because she cant stop things happening that she doesn’t want, like the new baby… I could be wrong like she could very well be looking forward to being a big sister, but if she isn’t and she feels like shes being pushed into having anything to do to try involve her with baby it could also explain her actions

I wonder if it’s actually something happening at school

It would all depend on her reasoning behind punching them.


My daughter is the same way, she’s 6. She is doing to it get more attention because her step dad and I are trying to have another baby. I sat down and talked to her about it and it seemed to help greatly.

Acting out how? Only at school? Is this the first time she has hit? Has she been sent to the principal? Punishment at school? Does it seem to be more at “lunch” or recess? Or is it in the classroom with a teacher close by? What does she say? What is her reason? Is it a daily thing?

Sounds like this is about school and what’s going on with other kids … I would have a calm talk with her and ask her about the kids and see if there are issues there … also speak with her teacher and see if she or he is aware of any tension between her and and any other kids … also the change at home with a new baby coming and her approaching puberty could also be something bothering her … if she isnt willing to speak to you about what’s going on a counselor or therapist is also a good idea

Maybe she’s starting to feel jealously I suggest speaking to her about her feelings and understanding why she’s doing this

She is acting like a baby and needs a good whipping.