No matter the situation or consequences. She will stick to that lie. But, then like most liars. Cannot remember her 1st lie… so makes up more, to cover her last one. It’s been an ongoing thing for quite awhile now. Anyways… I’m not letting my kids date until their 16 & no social media. (Atleast not this young.) No tictoc, no snapchat. That kinda thing. She does have a phone and kids messenger. So she can communicate with her friends/family. She’s been begging for snapchat for awhile and I told her absolutely not. Not right now. She’s too young. It’s too much drama. She isn’t mature enough.
Today while she’s at school a notification pops up on my phone saying: “your contact GiGi has joined snapchat.”
I was sooo pissed. Not only was she suppose to be in school. It was last hr. and I know she’s failing that class.
Sent her a message to see wtf. She replies saying her friend made the account on her phone (the friends phone.) That she doesn’t have the app. & she told her friend not to.
After school I tell her she has 1 chance to tell me the truth. She admits she made the account on her friends phone.
&& after ALL of that ^^^
I find out she is still lying. She made it Monday night on her cousin’s phone. To get intouch with a boy she’s been “dating”
I don’t understand all of the lying. Any advice on how to get her to stop lying. Or how I should deal with it?
She’s already had her phone taken away… so different ways of punishment?
I feel like I’m very patient/kind and understanding when it comes to my kids. But I absolutely will not tolerate her lying to me.
Pathological lying is a thing and she may need therapy. I have a friend who lies just to lie. It doesn’t matter but he will lie about what he had for breakfast. As far as the dating thing, that’s a personal choice but strict parents create sneaky kids.
Following because my daughter is the same
Maybe you guys need to communicate better. She is lying because you are very strict and maybe not open to discussion. If you forbid her to have a BF until 16 she will sneak in your back and do it. You seems very angry.
You’re a strict parent so of course she’s going to test your limits. Maybe Untighten the leash a bit and see if that makes a difference.
I heard this many times from parents. She will just use someone else’s phone at social and start social media pages. Is she lying cause she feels like she can’t do anything and she has to lie?
Thats when you tell her the lying stops or the grounding starts.
Stand your ground and also maybe try meeting the boy first
My daughter was the same way I have 3 kids I have two daughters I’m talking about my oldest daughter it was matter of pick and choose your battles and I’m not here to tell anybody how to raise their children Sons or daughters I just found what work with mine to turn her behavior around I get totally no dating too young specially today Society I get the media social media in today’s society I back you 100% but you have to come to a steady ground with your daughter and go from there it can’t be all nose nose nose don’t don’t don’t don’t or otherwise you may receive these actions I was told by my daughters counselor that the constant nose basically keeping the thumb honor causes these behaviors it took me a long time to realize that I’m not a bad parent to feel that you’re doing something wrong you’re trying to protect your child and ultimately she does not understand especially now where everything is media-based if you don’t have immediate you’re judged if you don’t have Snapchat you do you know what your friends do I went through it all maybe if you could just start giving her like a little leeway I like enough rope to hang yourself so to speak and I don’t mean that rude l mean and just work go from there you know just give her crumbs and if she could do good you know grades school don’t let her take her phone to school she can have it at home for one or two hours you know he got to work somewhere you got to show her that you believe in her and you trust her even though she has this problem and if she can prove it to you she’s got a gain that trust back it took my daughter a very long time very very long time and it worked once I kind of let up the reins a little bit not let her go all Buck nutty and wild or anything like that but I had to pick and choose my battles
Gentle Parenting Gentle Parents Unite sounds like typical behavior for a teen who has stricter parents. This is a great time to establish a good open and honest relationship between you and your daughter but it comes from listening and understanding. The more we try to shield our growing children from the world the more their likely to rebel. Time to talk to her about things such as having crushes, social media, and what kids these days are doing. Listen and try to understand.
If She’s in high school she’s probably the laughingstock right about now!! just saying my dtr is 14 and in 9 th grade.
They lie when they don’t trust you
You are being super strict with her and lacking in communication. It’s your way or the highway and your not giving her time to explain anything. Sooo she lies. It will only get worse until you start compromising some and communicating.
Not allowing your child to date until 16 isn’t a “strict parent” thing. My parents had the same rule and 2 of their 4 daughters (including myself) never went outside that rule. The two older broke all the rules. Her behavior is influenced my the friends she hangs out with and her ability to handle peer pressure and is not a reflection of bad or too strict of parenting. You’ve got all the rules my parent had for me and I applaud you for it. My dad would straight up ground us for a month for each offense. Which meant no electronics, no leaving the house to visit friends or family, when we did visit family we had to sit by them the entire visit. We hated it as kids but as an adult looking back it was effective. Going into high-school and wanting to hangout with friends made us avoid grounding at all costs. Breaking the rules wasn’t worth it…
if your a strict parent your kids will lie. if you want them to trust u have to to be open with them, and let them have some personal space. having snapchat may be drama but it could be a safe place for her.
She is 13. Time to parent up. It’s kinda like terrible 2 and threenager- just add hormones. This is to be expected. Get some books on the subject, attend a webinar. Master the wifi password and change it daily.
She doesn’t have a CALM line of communication with you. You’re way to strict. She’s going to sneak around because she’s being left out of what being a teenager is in 2021. Because you’ve got such a tight leash around her neck she no longer cares about consequences. She’s rebelling. Talk to her doctor set up family therapy and give her a voice then LISTEN. Learn to parent a teenager.
First of all, calm yourself lol. You have a teenage daughter, this is where parenting might become a little harder. She probably doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you, & I can see why, no offense. The more strict you are the more she’s going to rebel, so choose your battles wisely. Goodluck lol.
No advice sorry, following for tips as I’m going through this with my middle son.
The more you try to punish and make it “my way or the highway” the sneakier she will get. This is the age where she is really seeking independence and validation from her peers, so unless you want her to keep talking to randoms on hidden social media accounts or end up pregnant at 14 from some boy you’ve never met, I suggest you loosen the reins a little and open up the lines of trust and communication between you two. Come to a compromise with her so that she feels she has a say… like you drive her or chaperone all her dates, she can only have a Snapchat with friends that you have met, etc. That will motivate her to hold herself accountable and keep her end of the bargain.
She’s lying compulsively because she feels she has no choice. I agree on the social media part and fully support the decision to say NO to that. Boyfriends…she’s going to do it anyhow and sneak. That’s going to cause more issues. You do not have to leave her alone with these boys and can set boundaries. The more you try to stop this, the sneakier she’s going to be.
I have 2 girls (both young adults now) and 2 teenage boys. They are sneaky 
Teens are SO hard I’ve raised 3 and it’s tough. Hang in there momma
Strict parents make sneaky kids. She’s just going to keep doing it until you stop being a drill Sargent and let her be a teenager.
Stop pushing her over the edge with your strictness and maybe she wouldn’t have to lie to you 
be a mother to your daughter and show her she can come to you with the truth and that she doesnt have to hide stuff. She doesn’t trust you or doesn’t wanna tell your the truth for some reason fix it 
My teenage daughter isn’t doing exactly as I say stomps feet how do I be MORE controlling to fix this “bad” behavior 
because obviously it’s all her fault, plus school, friends, social media, literally any influence that isn’t me!
She doesn’t need to be punished she need to see a counsellor
She’s lying because you’re treating her like she’s 5 and she has no room to grow or move. Guide her!
Your handling of the situations is what is causing it to happen more… she won’t talk to you about anything if you continue to punish her for natural teenage things.
The more strict the parents, the sneakier the children. My parents were more strict with me vs my siblings and I’m definitely the sneakiest out of the 3 of us.
She obviously doesn’t trust you if she’s lying to u about EVERYTHING! Have her talk to a school counselor. She needs to be able to trust and talk to someone. Her mental health is important! Poor child.
I have 6 daughters. 2, 7, 8, 9, 15 and 21. Miss calm down. What do you think they are doing at 13. They are being bf & gf in the hallways and at the lunch table. It’s not like he’s at your house or she’s at his house. She doesn’t trust you. I run a tight ship but my girls also trust me and know they can come to me also. I allow them to be their age in between doing things that need to be done. I was literally in the Army and be drill Sargent’ing my girls but letting them be Kids too. But I think you got me beat on strictness.
My dad used to ground me I used to do the EXACT same thing! He grounded me for a month sometimes longer which would include no electronics, no tv, no hanging out with friends, only staying home and doing chores and mostly staying in my room
I hope this isn’t your only child. If so, welcome to having a teenager Drill Sargeant!
She is a shit head… Going through puberty… There is nothing strict about this situation… Kids can date when they can take care of themselves… Kids can have social media when they can pay the bills… Kids can do what they want when they have their own home… Continue to talk with her but do not get bullied by a child due to “everyone else is doing it” attitude… This child is 12… Not 18… There is not a chance in hell she is responsible enough to understand the crap all these sites can do… And for those parents who claim their young kids are handling social media well without any negative or sexual complications… They are stupid… These are kids… Do not be bullied by your kid…
Communication ! Here’s the thing keeping from all social media is not blocking her from anything she doesn’t already know what it is doing is making it so she sneaks makes uneducated split second choice’s all behind your back you know what happens when it’s behind your back … you can’t give her the advise or the tools she needs. If she gets into a dangerous situation behind your back she isn’t gonna come to you to help her. This isn’t all on her it’s on you as well in her teenage mind you have left her no choice but to lie to you even when it’s about something ridiculous.
Parenting in 2021 is not what parenting in the 80s & 90s was. She has access to all these things weather you like it or not and you hve given her no tools to know how to use them safely. In todays world it is paramount that children are armed with the tools they need to survive in this world. There are other ways besides just forbidding things do phone checks until you trust her if that makes you feel better.
We have the no official dating rule until your 16 but we allow them to come to the house and we allow them to do things with our family. If you think for a second that she isn’t interested in boyfriends at 13 your crazy she will find away and you can either make sure it’s under your supervision or it can be skipping school or sneaking in bathrooms 
Something deeper is going on. She may not can even explain it. But there’s a cry for attention.when you keep kids from everything they will only rebel. You have to give some type of lead way but keep open communication. Random phone checks to make sure they are abiding by the rules. You gotta give room to be able to allow them to prove their trust…. If you don’t they will only rebel.
I literally thought this was one them stories all serious then a funny joke at the end, I’m sorry 
Everyone has been her age, even though she’s still very young instead of saying just straight out NO talk to her about things, let her know she can speak to you ask your advice, let you know if something is wrong etc. I have not got a teenager it’s just my opinion, be open with her, let her be open with you. Trust and communication is what is needed. You would rather she looks back and thinks/says yeah I could talk to my parent if something was bothering me or I needed/wanted advice because communication is key.
You’re teaching her how to lie with the rigidity in the household. Your intentions are good, but doing more harm than good. Before you approach her, scale back and self examine yourself.
She’s lying to you because she does not feel she can openly tell you things. Don’t expect honesty from your children when you punish them or berate them for their honesty.
Is this a “girls” thing? 
I’ve got teen boys & they don’t give me attitude or drama… I do have 2 young girls however. Posts like this give me anxiety wondering if my girls will give me all the drama I’ve missed out on while raising their older brothers 
The more you micromanage your child and are that strict…guess what? The sneakier and wilder they become. Give them some breathing room and a chance to be a kid.
Shes at an age where most kids are on some sort of social media and are starting to date. Your being extremely strict with no warented reason. It’s no wonder she’s acting up. It’s also social suide at that age to not have some social media and or “have a boy friend”. Which most kids at that age it’s just a title thing.
Open the communication between you. Have proper conversations about why you would not want her on social media or dating so young. There are parental controls on phones to help navigate social media. Including setting limits, blocking downloads/apps. And even setting times where she can and can not use apps. I’d start out with her having Instagram first. But setting boundrys with it. Only giving her so many mins/hrs to use it. Phone shuts down at bed time ect. Check her phone weekly. Let her know ur doing this. Giving a little room for her to grow and explore will go along way. If you continue to be so strict she will push further and further from u. She’ll be even sneaker and that could end up horrible. U want your children to be able to come to u always. But unfortunately what ur doing is making her not want to come to u for anything. Talk to her. Don’t yell and go straight to punished. Talk, explan and plan on what will happen if rules are broken. Never react negatively out of anger. Wait to have these conversations until all party’s have had time to process it and can do it on a level head.
Overly strict parents create sneaky children. My opinion now you parent how you wish
If I parented this way I would maybe spend more time with her not take the phone away but explain to her why you’ve taken these precautions maybe talk about some boundaries understand she has to experience life we all did.
Again no hate momma because we all have our own ways we feel are best so who am I to say that’s wrong because there is no exact right way we’re all just tryna keep em alive lol. Don’t be so hard ease up on her a little n see what she does see how she does with getting the little bit of space then one random day a month from now ask to see her phone n her reaction will tell you all you need to know or if she’s already gotten in trouble within that month for the app.
Just my opinions
She is lying bc you are being too strict and she has no other choice. I’m a parent of a 13 year old and 11 year old. Every single one of my 13 yr olds
Friends has Snapchat, TikTok and most have Instagram and a majority of the 11 year olds has snap and TikTok .She probably feels like a loser and not cool without it. You can teach her how to use social media responsibly . I even have both my kids social media on my phone. I check it multiple times a day . Nobody uses messenger kids at 13 just saying . My best friend’s mother growing up was ridiculously strict growing up . She would not allow her to do anything therefore while I tOld my mom the truth about who i was with , what i was doing and where I was going , my best friend lied to her mom about everything bc she was unreasonable and wouldn’t allow her to do anything. The only way she could have a life was tO lie. So maybe look in the mirror and ask yourself why you don’t trust your daughter and steady from there. Teaching her how to use social media appropriately is key since devices and electronics are here to stay. And u want her making healthy and smart choices.
She testing yall thats what teenagers do
You’ve shown your daughter with all these overbearing rules that you don’t trust her, why on earth would she trust you???
You holding on too tight mom. I know you don’t want anything to happen to her in today’s society, but this obviously isn’t working. My son had FB at 9 but didn’t get his password until 16. He had an iPhone that was ghosted until he was 18.
You have to encourage your kids freedom and individualism.
Ummmmm… these posts need to stop . This isn’t real ? Is it?
What did you do at 13? Try to be realistic about what you expect of her, allow her to be her and have room to live… I don’t think she’d feel the need to lie so much if you did.
Most the time people lie to accommodate lacks. I think something in your loving relationship could be lacking
As a person who was once this kid, they’re def still gonna do it. I just figured out ways to do it better each time.
My mom was like this. To be honest it created a ton of tension in the house. I am now 24 with kids of my own and I won’t ever do this to my kid. When my mother did it to me it made me feel like she couldn’t trust me to begin with. I wasn’t doing anything wrong but everything she said and did and hid from me like a phone and social media (it was just MySpace and Facebook) but it only made me want it more. Like why was she hiding it from me if all my other friends parents had no problem. Why doesn’t my mom trust me. I wasn’t an only child either. I would say to have her write you a letter or text of how she feels about everything and tell her to write anything she wants to say down. That way she can be fully open without worrying about you getting mad when she says it (not saying you’ll be mad) I found it easier to write or text out my feelings to my mom about things like this. Then when both are ready come together to talk
Why are people reporting comments claiming that theres bullying going on. She asked for advice and were giving it to her but someone is claiming we’re bullying her.
You gave her reasons not to come to you about stuff that’s happening in her life and that’s why she lies – just maybe sitting her down and say that no matter what she can count on you bad or good , if you did raise her well enough she knows her own boundaries, just remind her every single morning and night before she sleeps that you will always believe and understand stand her - no matter what life she only her decides to live always have her back
Maybe take the kids phone?!?! Thats would would step 1. Then talk to her and find out why she wants to be a liar and talk about other stuff that way she doesn’t feel attacked. Communicate. It’s not that hard. I have a teenage girl. All her friends also come around and trust and communicate with me. I also have two younger children. You have to treat these kids like they matter and they are people. Teach actions have consequences. Shape them into good people.
dam mine is 9 and has fb tik tock snapchat, let her live and not be in bubble wrap
Look at how you are talking about your own kid? That’s super messed up. Want to know your future? She turns 18, moves out and never speaks to you again while you’re probably still going on and on about how she’s a liar and wondering what you did wrong to push her away…
When your kids feel like they can’t talk to you or trust you for fear of being punished, you are way to strict and overbearing. Of course she has to sneak and lie, she’s a teenager. She needs to make mistakes, have fun and find out who she is without constant fear of being punished. Give her some room to grow.
Family & individual therapy to get to solutions faster than on your own. Also books on parenting teenagers.
Please note: you can’t control everything and each generation has to make their own mistakes.
I was a child that did not have any desire to do anything bad whatsoever. I had a SERIOUS boyfriend relationship and even after nearly a year of being alone a lot and stuff like that never ever wanted to do anything… I was 15… sometimes when you smother your kids they end up doing bad and stupid things as soon as they get the chance. Like I said, I never had the desire or thoughts of doing anything considered bad or inappropriate for my age, yet I was treated like I was in fact doing just that constantly. It’s not cool. It’s fine to parent your child and give them rules… but as they get older allowing them to have a bit more freedoms and teaching them how to be young adults is more beneficial for them in the future than treating them like they are 5.
(And I most definitely married my serious boyfriend. Us being done the way you are doing yours is exactly why we went to a court house and got married 4 days after graduating high school without telling anyone… ya might want to think about that. How you do your child now can determine if you get to even attend their wedding. )
Let her have social media but tell her you get the passwords until shes 16.
Let her have her own phone but link it to yours and turn it off after a certain time.
Let her date but give her a curfew and certain places shes aloud to go.
The more you respect her the more she will respect you and she sees it as disrespectful to treat her like a child when shes a teenager now.
You’re not giving her a chance to prove that she can go by less strict rules. In her eyes you’re being a leech hanging on to her and sucking all the fun out of her life.
You have EVERY right to raise your daughter as you see fit. HOWEVER, she’s a teenager and she’s going to KEEP lying to you because you’re so strict. 
If you don’t loosen that leash some, things won’t end well.
If you have her some freedom in all honesty it might help.
Because you won’t let her be a teen you’re making her be a child like child child and I have my first boyfriend at 13 and I turned out pretty good you know I work full-time and pay my own bills never been to jail never been to prison never been arrested yo I think I do pretty good for myself so sheltering her and locking her up and not letting her have anything all her friends have just makes her to be picked on outcasted and
So the comment section isn’t going how you planned?
Why would she tell you about these things when you are going to react that way? I’m sorry to tell you this, but regardless if you allow it, your daughter might have interests in boys before the age you allow. Your daughter might want to send fun snaps to her friends & tiktoks. I had a friend with strict parents, and honestly she found more ways to lie. She did everything we did, but with more thought out ways to get away with it. I understand she is young, but understanding and finding a compromise is necessary sometimes. You may think it’s dumb, but to her & her age, those things feel important. Just by the way you talk in your post, I’d probably never tell you anything as a teen either. Telling her she’s wrong for anything she wants, also teaches her that you don’t trust her, and that she shouldn’t trust herself either. Kids need some form of choice and control of their lives too, with boundaries and monitoring. She will pull away more before it gets better. That’s just honesty. You probably are raising an amazing girl, trust in that a little bit💛. Another thing I always try to keep in mind & esp will as mine get older, is that if something were to go wrong one day, when they are with their friends, a boy, no matter the situation-I want to build a foundation with them now so that someday I know theyll feel like they could call me. I actually want them to immediately feel that they should call me, without fear. Creating some form of trust with her will be beneficial in the long run, believe me.
Forbidding everything creates sneaky, lying kids. It’s just gonna get worse.
I know this is the hardest part, I have 2 daughters 25 and 21 and I still see them as my little girls. You have to accept the fact that she is growing into her own person now and wants things you might not approve of. It would be better if you talked to her and try to trust her more. Teach her not break that trust. And above all make sure that no matter where she is even if you don’t approve if she feels unsafe she can call you no matter what.
If she is feeling the need to lie to you then you have failed to create an open and trusting relationship. Whether you like it or not she is going to have an interest in whoever she is attracted to and, with the strict rules, she will continue to date behind your back. Strict parents make sneaky and rebellious kids 90% of the time. Give the kid some freedom while still setting boundaries, if not I promise the sneaking and lying is going to get a lot worse.
Shes lying cause your too strict on her… Let her have her freedom and have the social media accounts like all other teenagers…
It’s just a troubling time to grow up in. I have a fam member who got tiktok so young yet parent lied about it. It’s like some parents encourage itZ however I personally would be against it so young it hurts them their self esteem unrealistic lives etc but it’s so popular right now.
You both need therapy
Maybe if you weren’t so strict with everything an actually let the poor girl be a teenager she wouldn’t lie she’d be able to talk to you obviously she feels she can’t, an clearly she can’t do barely anything other then go to school far out poor girl let the poor girl breathe
Overly strict parents make kids sneaky.
You have to trust her and have open lines of communication.
Of course she’s going to lie about things when you try to control her every move.
The lying is her way of rebelling even though it’s making things worse.
I am going to be the type that is completely different then everyone else. I did not have a phone or date until i was 16. I also had an 11pm curfew even after i was 18. I come from a pretty strict home. Christians. The whole 9 yards. I lied some (said i wanted to go into town to go to the gas station just to get a drink. Really i just wanted to cruse. I secretly dated someone where nothing happened but kissed.) I have grown up to have a pretty good life. I had a time that i was a crazy partier, etc. Just know that even in todays society it is ok to raise your child a little bit strict. She likely will grow up to be a good adult who respects you in the end. Honestly, being more strict is what the world needs more of. Now, ways of handling things. Get her a flip phone if you want her to have a phone. Talk with her about how lying is not right. Communicate with her in a kind manner. Let her know you love her and seriously want the best for her. I have a 2yr old that i am raising in this world. It is scary.
I will say, start letting her do some things that generally you would say no to. For instance, my mom found out i was DATING this boy even when i was not supposed to. Instead of her being angry with me, she started taking me once a week to hang out with him in a public place like the town pool. She was in the same area but not right beside us. It was good enough for me. To me i was dating him, seeing him, whatever i wanted to call it. At the same time my mom was kind of supervising if you will. We both had it our way and nobody got upset or yelled in the situation. So stick to no social media, no dating. Add in hanging out in a public place where the 2 of them can do their thing but not wonder off.
I’d be consistent on taking the phone away. She’d be grounded. Home & school. This would be for the lying.
I agree with you 13 is too young for social media. There’s too much going on online. Just becareful kid’s know how to get around parental controls. She can create a different email & accounts on someone else’s phone very easily without you even being aware.
I would lie to you too . Let her be a teenager. I couldn’t date alone until I was 16 so a parent went with us to the movies. She’s not going to be honest with you knowing she’s going to be in trouble regardless of which way she goes.
My two cents for what it’s worth: overly strict and restrictive parents make sneaky kids and teenagers.
Once you make something taboo and off limits, they want those things even more. Period. I remember being a teenager and having to lie and sneak to do things that were off limits. Out of fear, I was never able to call my parents when I got in over my head and I swore as a parent I would change that narrative.
My husband and I have an open door policy. We talk about everything from sex, drugs, drinking and everything in between. Our girls are allowed to swear in front of us and we are always there to listen without judgment. They’ve always had a cell phone and with that comes great responsibility. Social media is huge at their age so the rule is they can have it and I have access. But I don’t need to sneak or access their accounts behind their backs because they show and tell us everything. They even tag us in their posts. Because of this openness, their friends also know that we are a safe place and so they come to us as well. It’s so important to have that trust and conversation. And I tell my kids that if they are ever in a situation that they are feeling unsafe
Or uncomfortable, even if they lied to us about where they are going, they just have to text us our code word and we will be there to pick them up, no questions asked. We will talk about it later but no questions at that time.
We used to have the “16 to date” rule but we aren’t set on that as it will depend on the situation.
Our teenage girls are awesome. We don’t have the issues that so many of my peers have with their teenaged and I truly believe it’s because of how we choose to parent. They’re both involved in school activities and they’re both on honor roll and in honors classes. They have received recognition for their behavior in school and we don’t have issues with them (outside of keeping their rooms clean. I don’t know the answer to that million dollar question but I’m working on it).
Kids nowadays literally don’t even text each other all they use is Snapchat.
Everyone is saying “let her be a teenager” but 13 doesn’t mean give her an app that you can send a picture and it disappear in seconds. Why snapchat??? if the boy likes her enough, kids messenger should be ok… but snapchat isn’t for curious teenage kids lol
Omg I am going through the exact same thing with our 13 year old daughter. Its exhausting!
Hey my parents acted just the same way you’re acting and I turned out fine! Aside from the felony I got once I tasted a drop of freedom, the strained relationship I have with them, the depression and anxiety, the trust issues, and the thousands of dollars I’ve spent on therapy trying to undo the damage they caused me from being insanely controlling, just fine!
Seriously though, you’re not supposed to control every aspect of her life, you’re supposed to guide her and help her through life. YOU failed, not her.
So I was raised in a strict household with an abusive parent.
Not saying you’re abusive, maybe just strict.
But I wasn’t allowed anything. All my friends and classmates had the basic social media, tech and some had more. I wasn’t allowed Facebook so my cousin made one for me.
I snuck out. I ran away. I lied, compulsively. I hid things. I had secret things. Im not saying spoil her but all im saying is if you don’t think she’s mature enough. Put her to the test. Allow some apps. And if she’s fine, leave her alone. If she digs herself a regretful hole on the internet. Then take it away again. Don’t be a strict helicopter. She probably won’t talk to you later in life.
Sooooo…thing is, if you keep your teen from everything, theyll find a way around it and do what they want.
You gotta give her some leeway.
And if u really want her to stop lying…maybe stop freaking about everything and try understanding that shes her own person.
If you hold her hand everywhere she goes, shell never learn to walk by herself.
Youre gonna have to pick your battles here mama.
Forbidding her doing ANYTHING…youre literally assuring it will most definitely happen.
Just sayin…i was like that around that age.
Shes gonna try to gain a semblance of control over her life in any way she can while youre constantly hovering and banning shit.
Shes at an age where shes realizing that she can do what she wants.
So talk it out and help her with making her own decisions rather than making them all for her.
Just my advice🤷♀️
First of all, I’m not against seeking advice from others at all, however, always consider the source. I am a mom of 2 boys 9 & 15 and I totally agree with the rules and standards you have set for your daughter. I read another comment that said something along the lines of, let her have all the social media things like all the other teenagers… Umm… idk about you, but I do not want my son to be like all of the other teenagers. I do hold my boys to a higher standard than most and have been called too strict myself, however I am not bothered by this… want to know why? All we can do is raise our kids the way we feel is best for them, we do not need to conform to this nasty world, that is the last thing we want to do! My suggestion to you is to give her a chance to earn Snapchat or whatever the case may be. Tell her that if she gets her grades up, doesn’t lie, and shows mature behavior for 6 months, you will reevaluate that topic and see if maybe she can handle supervised use of it. Don’t give into what 95% of people are going to tell you and just " let her do all the things that the other teenagers do" because you want better for her. Stay strong, you seem like a great mom!
She wouldn’t be lying to you if she felt she had other choices. My parents were the same with me I went behind their backs and did it anyway. Get over it and stop trying to micromanage her. She will end up not wanting much to do with you later in life if you don’t stop trying to be in control.
You sound so controlling, it’s gross. She’s lying because she wants a life with her friends, but you’re treating her like it’s the stone age. It’s 2021. Kids have social media. Just monitor it. She will continue to lie until you actually let her keep up with her friends and be social. Then she will probably be more comfortable with telling you the truth.
I mean I read halfway through and knew why she lies but go off
There is no excuse for lying!
This could be a chapter written out of life with my stepdaughter. Hate to say our issues did not end well. I wish you luck! And patience…
I know you’re trying, but honestly if she wants to do it and your against it, she will find a way. All you can do is continue to teach her right from wrong and let her make her own mistakes. Those mistakes will be the ones that she learns from that will make her into the young woman you are trying to bring her up to be. She will look back one day and see what you taught her was the right way. We all have to make mistakes and make bad choices to learn. Just be there for her and let her know she can come to you. Stay level headed and just love her. Hope I worded that right.
I’m not trying to diagnose here but have her looked at for borderline I have it and I was the same. Way
More you restrict her the more she won’t be honest with you and as a mother you should be her safe place where she can tell you anything and nowadays technology is normal even from a very young age, she could even face being bullied over it. I would say allow her to have social media have her passwords if you must .
The amount of people telling you that if you weren’t so strict she wouldn’t have to lie to you is as mothers is overwhelmingly sad. She is 13 and she should be expected to have social boundaries and Internet boundaries. And regardless of what rules you put in place, if she violates them there should be consequences. We have a 13 year old and I told her that if I found social media was being used inappropriately it would be deleted. She violated the rule so I deleted it. She redownloaded it so she lost the privilege to have a phone. When she got it back she did it again so we repeated the cycle. Lying is not a child’s way of being a teenager. And you turning a blind eye to it shows her that there are no consequences for her inappropriate behavior.
Once a liar always a liar it’s too late to change her
My mom and dad pulled me out of public school and put me into homeschooling
It worked though. My phone got tooken away. Even while homeschooled. I was only allowed to call my girlfriends or text them but back then you were charged per texted lol then at 8p my phone had to be put up on the chimney mantal. My dad did random checks through my phone. And no i didnt have time to delete anything. He never gave me the chance to have time to. Or he would send my mom on me who would put the beat down lol all i got to say is my shit stopped. My grades went back up. I stayed out of trouble. That was the end of my freshman year. My whole sophomore year i homeschooled. At that time we moved to a different town to for my dads work so by the time i turned myself around i was able to go back to public school my senior year. Played softball even in homeschooling. And then my senior year i joined varsity cheer. My grades were over 3.0 and i thank my parents for keeping me in line.
Maybe try being her friend for a tiny bit & not just her mom.
You’re a very restrictive and controlling parent. Buckle up it’s going to be a long way to 18. The more you control, especially without reasonable explanation, the more teenagers rebel and act out.
There’s also the chance she’s got some kind of mental disorder. I’m willing to put my bets on the over protective controlling helicopter mom though. 
I lost my virginity at 13 to a 16 year old I was “dating” my dad was a strict police officer type parent I wish my parents had been more vigilant and more strict and saved me alot of heart break and pain … maybe counseling or Behavioral therapy. Family counseling idk but don’t let up its a thin line
Wow surprise surprise. Strict parents causing sneaky kids. Nothing new to see here.
She would’ve had to have made it from a phone you have as a contact in your phone. Snapchat isn’t safe for kids. I’d compromise with her and let her have a different messenger she can use
I have a 16 year old and it is about feeling comfortable enough to tell you and talk to you. If you don’t allow her the simple pleasures then she will rebel against you, lie and do it anyway and she will get worse and do worse things. My daughter tells me she is going to a party or exactly where n what she is doing. I also have life360 so I know exactly where she is at all times. I would rather my daughter tell me these things then do it behind my back and lie to me. Im sure she doesn’t tell me everything but we have always had a close relationship and she knows that trust is a huge deal for me and she doesn’t want to break it. I know her friends mom doesn’t let her friend do anything and my daughter tells me what she does and her friend does things behind her moms back. I would rather know than not personally. I would just try to talk to her, tell her how you feel, that your worried about her and why. Have a serious talk about drinking, having sex, etc. It sounds like its time to do it.