My 15 yr old daughter has been having a very hard time over the last three months. She’s struggling with mental health issues but refusing any help. Typically she’s a funny kid that dislikes school but loves to learn. She has a great group of friends as well. She is refusing to go to Christmas Eve tonight with my parents, which would include my brother, his wife, and their two daughters. When I’ve asked my daughter why she doesn’t want to go, she says it’s boring, and no one talks to her. People do talk to her; she simply provides little to keep a conversation going. I know if she doesn’t go tonight my parents will be upset, and truthfully I will be too. I think we all need to do things that we may not like to do, but we deal and move on. I’m tempted to say if she doesn’t go, her gifts from me will be returned. I don’t WANT to do this, but I don’t know what else to do. We literally see family a couple of times a year!
stay home with her, sounds like she needs you.
That’s not a choice. She’s 15. Make her go.
This is me. Always has been. Just now after 28 years of life I have not and am not going anywhere and I am SO relieved. Family outings with extended family always killed my mental status. She doesn’t owe anyone her sanity(I just said this yesterday about myself)
Ehhhh I wouldn’t make mine go just because I know how badly it sucks to struggle with mental health issues and then have to go somewhere you don’t really want to be… there’s probably another reason she doesn’t want to go too? Who knows? Make your own traditions!
Your daughters mental health matters more than a christmas party in my opinion…
I know I sound harsh but she needs to suck it up for a day. Family is compromise and respect. For all that you do for her with her issues she needs to compromise with you. Good luvk
I would make her go.
She may not feel up for being around people, let her do what she needs for her mental health.
Personally I would probably let her stay home. I hated when my parents made me go see family when I didn’t want to. I also struggled with depression at that age and it only made me feel worse. Sitting out one Christmas is okay but I’d definitely try convincing her to talk to someone/therapist.
Sounds depressed. I wouldn’t force her to go. She needs you and is reaching out the best way she knows how
Respect your daughter and her wishes.
I wouldn’t force her to go and I wouldn’t return her gifts either. She is going through something right now and her mental health is more important then a party.
Sounds like a typical teenager. Don’t give in to the bs. Family is important esp on xmas eve
You can make her go now and then at least you’ll have the memory of her miserable at the holiday party when she avoids spending holidays with you as an adult 🤷
If shes having mental issues y force her to be around anyone… Maybe theres more to it than nobody wanting to talk to her… Taking present back isnt going to make it better either it could actually add to her stress… Maybe you should try some one on one time with her… I would never make any of my kids go around anyone they dont want to go around family or not i always give them a choice and respect there wishes
Sounds like she’s dealing with some depression. Don’t force her- her behavior will be worse. Offer a compromise and say you’ll go make an appearance and if she gets bored or whatever after a couple of hours she can go be alone and play on her phone or something. Explain to your family ahead of time too
She’s 15. She knows where and when she’s wanted. Take the time and stay home with her. Watch Christmas movies while drinking hot chocolate and making microwave s’mores. Especially if her mental health has declined. She needs your love more than ever right now. She doesn’t need the whole family. She needs mom! When I was 15 I attempted suicide and obviously survived. I also hid it until my birthday this year from my parents how bad my mental health actually is. Don’t go. Stay home. Build a blanket fort! Let her decide what you two can do tonight. Go for a drive with her to see lights. Make it special for her this year.
Would you make her go if she had the flu? If she’s struggling with her mental health then she obviously isn’t feeling well. I wouldn’t make my child go if they weren’t feeling up to it… If you want to go, go just say you can’t stay long and go home to spend quality time with your teenager who’s not going to be around 24/7 much longer.
make her go. and make sure you at least talk to her… find something fun to do as a family there… Christmas is a time about family… give her an extra incentive for going like she can open a small gift when she gets home… give her something for going…
Quit making excuses, if something is going on she is plenty old enough to speak up, so… Stand your ground, make her attend!
I personally struggle with my mental health and being around a lot of people is not for me at all. That being said, I wouldn’t force my child to go. If she feels shes left out of conversations, her feelings are absolutely valid. I get the tough love, but her mental health needs to be a priority. You don’t know that it won’t trigger her, or make her even more unhappy. It’s ok to not want to do things without needing to explain your reasoning, especially when it comes to mental health.
And what is she going to do if she stays home? I would have her go, but don’t force her to interact with everyone. If she wants to stay by herself, then she is choosing to do that. A little compromise on both sides.
She has mental health issues and your willing to ruin her Christmas because she is struggling and doesn’t want to be around people who is sounds like she feels don’t include her or talk to her. Doesn’t matter if they do, it matters how they feel. But My daughter is 12 and I will never force her to do anything that might affect her negatively especially if she’s already struggling
your the parent make her go
I wouldn’t force her to go.
I wouldn’t return her gifts. That’s horrible. Let her stay home and maybe she’ll realize that it’s better to be with family that bored alone. Call to check up on her and see if she’d like to join at that time.
Your parents can be upset. It is your job to advocate for your child. We ask our children all the time to communicate with us and let us know when they are not doing okay. She did that and now her wishes are not being respected. You cannot expect your children to be open with you if you are just going to force them to do what you want anyway. Obviously you are mama and you know what is best, but this is my option. Merry Christmas and good luck surviving the teenage years.
Let her stay at home. Don’t force her to go and do anything if she is struggling. If she has depression then making small talk is difficult
I wouldnt make my daughter go if she expressed that she really didn’t want to go. So your parents will be a little upset, it’s better than a teen girl ruining the entire thing for the entire family because of a bad attitude about being forced into a social situation she wanted to avoid. You say you will be upset if she doesn’t go, how upset will you be if she goes and sulks the entire time and makes a show of being miserable? At 15 she is aware of what she doesnt want, it’s not like she is 7 and just cranky. If shes having mental health issues maybe have someone stay home with her, but dont force a situation that will cause resentment and possibly put a rift in your relationship because you actually really dont understand.
Why would you punish someone for their mental health? Returning her gifts is just petty about you not getting what you want. Don’t try to hurt her because shes hurting. Mental health is as real and as important as physical health, if she had pneumonia would you force her to go or return her gifts if she didn’t? Think about it.
Your the mom be the mom and make her go she’s 15 not 18 she’s still the kid!!!
If she has mental health issues then force her to go to a function. That is the opposite of helpful
You’d rather her be upset than your parents? She’s old enough that she can stay home. If she doesn’t want to go, do that force her.
I wouldn’t make her go. Imagine the relief she will feel if you respect her wishes. Especially since she’s certain you will make her go
As a teenager and a mom myself (18) I also didn’t like going to parties but that’s because the adults around me would talk to me about subjects I wasn’t fond of or knew little about if you get her to go maybe inform family to ask her about subject that intrest her. As a teenager when I would talk about things I like people change the subject and It would feel as if they didn’t care or weren’t intrested and to help her going maybe provide an incentive of something she likes like getting her a coffee from her favorite coffee place or something to that sort
She doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to. As far as you returning gifts because she doesn’t want to go seems extreme. I’m starting to think these admins make shit up because these parents can’t be this damn clueless, and if they are they need to evaluate their life.
these kids have way to much say in their lives i remember when i was young i was told wtf i was going to do, HAD NO CHOICE🙄
Sounds like depression. Sounds like she needs YOU. If it’s because of mental health reasons you shouldn’t be making her go. That’s making it more stressful for her and not helping the depression.
If you’re going to force her to go anyways, at least take the time to sit down with her and talk to her. And check up on her during the party periodically. She may be “ruining your Christmas” but it sounds like your daughter needs help and your daughter’s mental health is more important than some stupid holiday.
I was her at that age. Still went and wanted to be gone and cry.
She will miss her family one day and there aren’t any memories.she should go to have beautiful memories the rest of her life.
She’s a teenager but taking her gifts away because she struggles mentally is wrong imo
Mental health should be taken every bit as seriously as physical health. She doesn’t want to go and feels isolated there. I’d send my family and stay with my girl. There are times when it literally hurts for me to be in a big group of people. Her needs come before anyone elses.
Making threats and forcing her to go can be super damaging to her in an already fragile state.
As someone who went through this, making her go will end up having her retreat more.
Is there going to be anyone her age group there
Don’t force her if she doesn’t want to then that’s her choice
But after all of that if she still doesn’t want to go don’t force her to let her stay home
If my child were dealing with mental health issues I would cancel ANY AND ALL plans until my child was better. Nothing or noone is worth losing my child over. She is screaming help in her actions more than you know. She needs you. She needs you to stay home get in your jammies order take out get TONS of snacks chocolate and ice cream and binge watch her favourite shows and movies and talk about EVERYTHING and just be there for her. Be her shoulder to cry on be her rock. As someone who went through this as a teenager do not make her feel secluded or like she can’t trust you or ask you for help.
I agree with a lot said here but at the same time at that age I didn’t want to do much with my family either (which I totally regret now) and my mom still made me come. She’s my mom and I had to respect what she told me to do.
Do. Not. Force. Her
I’m telling you. She is having issues as you stated. Lay down rules and honestly, at this age, you gotta get on her level. Sit her down, talk to her, ask her one more time and if she is that persistent on not going, just smile and say “Okay”. This is not walking all over you. This is you and her being one on one as mother and daughter. I promise. It will pay off as she gets older.
Don’t return her gifts! That’s absolutely horrible! My mother did that to me when I was 16. I’ve never forgotten it.
You say she’s struggling with mental health and yet you want to return her gifts? That’s ridiculous and horrible all at once. She shouldn’t be forced if she’s not mentally well. How would you feel? You are her mother! Advocate for her and be there for her
Buncha snowflakes now 🤦
She’s not in the right mental state to interact right now and that’s okay. To force her to go will only make it worse. It will validate every feeling she has.
The longer you allow your daughter to tell you what she will and won’t do the worse it will get, nip it in the bud now.
As a mom to a depressed teen (plus other mental health issues) do not push her to go. It will spiral her further into depression and anxiety. But also do not leave her alone. Tell your family she is under the weather and you will be staying with her. Be with her. 100% with her. Talk to her, listen to her. I didn’t listen to my daughter, and I put it off as “typical teenager behaviour” and in August of 2018 I almost lost her to her depression because I wasn’t listening. And to those who are saying “you’re the parent make her go” she’s a human being with very real feelings and as a parent we must respect those feelings.
Do not threaten her with repercussions as this will push her further away. Listen to her. Please.
buy her a pizza and let her stay home
People that are depressed or have anxiety tend to isolate themselves. It sounds like that could be her intention. Your right to make her go, and socialize. But have her create a safety plan. If someone does or says something that disrupts her. She can listen to music on headphones.
I wouldn’t force her to go but I also wouldn’t leave her home alone either. I don’t want to scare you or sound melodramatic or anything but I used to volunteer for a group that worked with a suicide prevention program and many teens called in with the same story that they had gotten out of doing something with family so they could be alone and were seriously contemplating suicide. Maybe try offering for her to have a friend come over or go with you guys so she’s not alone?
So your gonna punish your daughter for having a mental Crisis? Great mom award smh
Dont force her to do so if you say she is struggling with mental health tell her she can stay home for self care but has to continue to text you throughout the night or have someone check in on her every few hours she’s 15 probably getting bullied and doesnt feel comfortable about herself High school is harsh just let her be but have her keep contact with you at all times and when your family ask why she didn’t come say she’s sick and didn’t want to get anyone else sick
In life you have to do things you don’t want to sometimes lol it’s a part of life
Try a compromise. She has to go for a certain length of time. If she still wants to leave, promise her the ride home.
Make her go with you
You said she’s struggling with her mental health, so you acknowledge that there is a valid reason for her behavior and it’s not just typical teenage crap. Therefore you already know the right answer in your heart, you ( as we all would be) are just worried about what your family will think. Tell them she’s sick, it’s not a lie. Mental issues are as real as the flu. Ask her if she is ok with you going or if she needs you to stay with her and mean it when you ask. In a few more years she’ll be grown and gone. What you now shapes the relationship you have with her in the future. Your child needs you. 25 or 5, the flu or anxiety, your baby is sick and needs her mama to understand!
Don’t force her to go but PLEASE don’t leave her home alone either!!! depression this time of year is bad enough without being and feeling completely alone.
I miss family christmas at my grandma’s. Now she passed away…we never had a christmas like that again. Shes a teenager and wont see this or understand. But I hope she decides to go but if she stays home…oh well.
I wouldn’t make her go, but arrange a time she can visit your parents one on one. Mental health issues and being a teen suck! And don’t take away her presents. Believe me, she is going to need to feel your an ally more later than now and you don’t want to make her feel alienated.
As parents sometimes we have to make choices for our kids that neither ourselves or our kids will like… but guess what THATS WHY WE ARE THE PARENT! Our children do not make adult choices…
This is why we have some many young people trying and succeeding in suicide.
Because no one not even mothers and fathers take things seriously. They don’t respect their kids and their needs. Your daughter is reaching out and asking for you to understand. And you wanna take her presents?? Because she did what we as parents BEG our children to do?!? And so many people on here commenting telling you she needs to suck it up and to bad etc. smh. I’d listen to my kid. As someone who has a hard time at holidays and who Struggles with mental illness. I’d listen. Maybe more is going on. Maybe you need to read between the lines. Be a parent. Love her. Comfort her. Listen to her. A Christmas party isn’t worth her life.
I was forced to go to family events as a teenager with severe depression and anxiety and you know what? I dont go to family events at all. Don’t force her to go because then she will hate spending time with the family more. Let her have her space. She will come around
Come to a compromise
Forcing her into a situation were she has already explained her discomfort will only make things worse. Threatening someone with mental health will make it worse. You’re punishing her for her depression which will only spiral.
Wow…if you’re going to force her to go, because you’ll return her gifts…then you might as well stay at home with her, regardless how many times you see your family. You’re saying she’s mentally ill, she needs to be treated as though she is physically ill. Be a little more understanding since she is a teenager and she needs YOU more than YOUR needs to have fun…watch Christmas movies with her, bake some cookies, hold her or do some girl time…manicures and pedicures…I mean…seriously??? You’re a parent, being a parent is making necessary sacrifices to be there for your child and making them happy, mental state especially. If you’re going to make her go, then make sure you sit with her the whole time and make her feel INVOLVED. Don’t ignore her, or her needs. Hold her hand, there’s probably a reason why she doesn’t want to go. I have a 13 year old estranged son, and I’D DO ANYTHING, I mean ANYTHING to be with him during the holidays. I’d also compromise with him and I have…he is in fear right now of being grounded if he gets caught talking to me, and I’ve compromised that whenever time feels right to him and that he doesn’t feel like he has to be scared anymore, he’s more than welcome to reach out to me whenever HE’S ready to. Even in spite of what I want because thats how much I love him, even with the fact I just dropped off 300 bucks worth of stuff by his front gate, and we were speaking only for about 3 weeks before he told me he would be grounded just for texting me a day after I dropped off his gifts. It’s no longer about you when you decide to have a child…sorry but not sorry…
You for real. Shes 15 and has stated not in right frame of mind to be social. Its xmas eve let her chill as most teenagers like to
I think shes begging for a break. Mentally im exhausted. The holidays are too much. As someone who has had issues my whole life. Give the kid a break. Maybe stay home with her and have a girls night.
I STRUGGLED alot with mental health issues as a teen and was constantly forced into family gatherings…all it did was spiral me out of control and turn me into a depressed adult who even now at 34 STILL has bad anxiety.
Honestly the best thing you can do is let her stay home and maybe even stay with her.
This to me as a mother would frighten me. If she’s going thru mental issues I would be scared to leave her alone period. Have to gotten her any help from a Dr.? Normally I would say make her go shes just be a teenager. But you she is screaming for help please pay attention
Not a choice here you go or dont get the gifts.
What teenager doesn’t have some sort of mental health issues? That being said, when I was a teen and had depression, I still had to attend family gatherings, just like tons of other people. && the mom said she’s refusing help, that’s on HER.
People do things on the DAILY with mental health issues that they don’t want to do, but it has to be done. Usually it’s the mental health issues causing you to not want to go in the first place.
Just said look if you can’t accommodate your grandparents and family for a few hours then I guess you just don’t get your Christmas gifts from me or anyone else
I personally would make her go…social interaction is needed during a mental crisis. Leaving her home with her thoughts isnt a good idea. Tell her that grandparents arent around forever and she needs to see them all she can.
I wouldn’t make her go , why not suggest that just the two of you stay home , watch movies & eat junk food ? I know personally how mental health affects us . I can’t handle being around people when I’m depressed . My anxiety goes through the roof
She’s being a brat make her go. ( Unless there is some other crazy info I’m missing here about her life.) She’s not gonna cry over it.
Trust me this will do the trick
Dont make her go. Shes old enough to stay home alone and mental health is no joke.
She may have social anxiety.
My daughter is similar to her, she’s 16. The past couple of years have been hard on her. We lost my mom in June after battling Parkinson’s for several years. We watched her go down fast. My daughter has developed high anxiety and every little thing bothers her some days. She was once a strong independent young woman. You need to talk to her and do your best to understand. You can’t just get over the feelings when a panic attack comes on. If she has a good relationship with any of the family that would be there maybe they can talk to her and encourage her to go but I wouldn’t force anything, otherwise everyone will be miserable.
I would just let her not go. Social anxiety is a real thing. I have it and the idea of going to family gatherings and parties makes me actually physically ill. My mom forced my sister to do stuff like that and forced her to be social knowing she had depression and my sister ended up cutting herself, running away and tried to commit suicide twice. Plz dont make her. It’s not the end of the world if she doesnt go.
I have an idea. Could the other family members send her individual messages stating how much it would mean to them if she came? I completely understand her going through a mental health issue, but perhaps it would mean a lot to her to hear from the rest of her family about why her presence is so special and important to them. Might help
Why do so many people seem to think that kids aren’t allowed to have a choice or opinion about anything? They are people too. You’re raising human beings, not being warden to a bunch of criminals.
If she is having real actual mental health issues I would back off if I were you and not make her go. And you’d be upset really? Grow up mom
Make her go and if she doesn’t want to go in she can sit in the car
She’s 15… still very much a child. I would make her go or no Christmas for her.
She’s a kid, she goes end of! We can’t keep pandering to our kids, they won’t learn otherwise! We are in charge!
You do realize… mental issues like… depression and anxiety… cant just be 'shut off’for you families “christmas festivities…!” You as a parent may need to learn about metal health… not trying to sound harsh… but u keep that frame of mind up and shell either run away, turn to drugs… ir kill herself… and thats a fact coming from.a child who wad never heard!! Let her stay home… if anything it will give her a chance to realize… someone is really listening to me… and cares!!! Trust me!! If she needs true help… stop ignoring it an forcing her (under threats) to go to places she doesnt feel comfortable. Please educate yourself on adolescent depression amd anxiety… your daughter will thank you!!
My husband is 24 and he’s the same way. He has extreme social anxiety we’re working to treat it but it’s still pretty bad. You could damage her mentally if you make her go.
She is old enough to decide if she wants to go to a family dinner or not
If you feel yall must all go… make it short n sweet. She might just feel like there’s nothing there for her. Or maybe let her bring a friend so shes not “alone”. I detest going to my familys for even a short time on the holidays.
Hate to suggest this, but try bargaining with her…like getting ice cream afterward or something she really likes
If she is refusing help give her ultamaitum either get help or go to family’s party if she doesnt want help then maybe she is seeking attention and not really have mental health problems my mother has depression my younger sister has depression and I have anxiety and depression but at that age she should be getting the help she needs it’s not something to fortend to have these kids today have too many excuses not to spend time with family