To me it’s not worth the fight to make her go. I have an 18,16 and 15 year old teens. They can ruin everyone’s day if forced to do something they don’t have to.
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Your daughter’s mental health is more important than a party 🤷
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She needs a mental health day, nothing wrong with that. Just tell your parents she’s not feeling well, they will understand that. Forcing her to go will only make her feel worse. If she were younger, yeah, I might make her go, but she’s old enough deside.
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You said it yourself!! “I think we all need to do things we don’t like”. Skip dinner and do something she fucking likes!! Her mental state is more important that your parents being hurt about not having her or you guys over.
Sorry… I wouldn’t make any excuses for her and then just tell her there will be no Christmas for her…
You would leave her at home, by herself, on Christmas??? And she has mental health issues??? You would punish her by taking away her gifts??? Woah… you need to get YOUR priorities straight before you don’t have a daughter.
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Anyone here saying don’t give the kid the gifts, I hope you’re not parents. This group disgusts me with how negative so many people are. Heaven forbid the kid needs help and doesn’t want to be forced to go to something they don’t want to. Y’all are terrible people to even suggest that.
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For goodness sake. What is it with all these posts saying they want to return their childrens (big and small, Christmas gifts… Surely us mums give our gifts out of love? Surely unconditional love is what is needed to show our children they can trust us… Did you not bring your daughter up with morals and values and manors & respect?
The main rule for parenting is to give them roots and give them wings.
You hopefully instilled all good into your girl, now trust her to make the choice herself…
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She is 15 going on 40, ( been there with 3 of my own) you take control, can’t let her control you, and yet you shouldn’t let stay by herself, you are in a hard spot. I know what I would do but many people would disagree, she would be going to be with family, no, ands, or maybe about it. Put your foot down stand firm, she will get past it. If you give in, what will be the next thing you give into, good luck
Or even better yet, go out and buy her a few of her fav snackies. Tell her she has to go for just a hour or two and you will gladly take her home. If she agrees, surprise her with the snacks in the car after. Small little gestures and compromises can go a long way. I hated being 15. Everything was changing. I also had severe mental health issues. Its so hard. I hated highschool. I was picked on. But not to many people knew. I silently dealt with it. Your daughter could be doing the same thing. I just really truly hope you guys figure something GOOD out and that tonight and tomorrow are great for you and your family.
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She needs to seek help from a professional ! Mental illness isn’t something you just let go on untreated ! She needs to be taken care of and be number #1.Not just now ask what to do ? My mom’s dead we don’t have Holidays get togethers any more cuz they.riped me and my kids off really bad and don’t like us ! IDC!! But you make her feel like she is ok !Not what your family thinks !Cut them off if they don’t accept her like she is ! You need to think about her ! And only her and her state of mind !
You’re basically trying to punish her for being mentally ill. Don’t force her to do something she doesn’t want to do. I’ve struggled with mental illness all my life and my mother was aware of it. She didn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do because she understood I was struggling. Nor did she give me ultimatums because of what SHE wanted me to do. You are her mother and I understand it’s family but as her family you should respect a boundary like this one.
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If she doesn’t wanna go then don’t force her to. She’s old enough to make that decision herself. And if she has mental health issues then I suggest you back off. Don’t make threats towards her because she isn’t gonna do something you want her to do. That won’t help a thing.
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Her mental health is more important than one Christmas Eve. Trust me. You really don’t want it to escalate and it’s hard to get help at the beginning.
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It hurts your daughters mental health to have to socialize when it’s forced. I was just like your daughter when I was her age, and it really does more harm then good to be forced
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Don’t make her go and don’t let her accept her grandparents gifts if she doesn’t go either. She said she doesn’t want to go because it’s boring not because she’s depressed or has anxiety. As far as the refusing help for mental health issues you can’t make her take medicine but you sure can drive her to therapy or counseling. Letting her not deal with it as she chooses is irresponsible.
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Whatever you come up with, just know that punishing her for something she can’t control will hurt you in the end. Whether it be next week or next year. She’ll always remember it
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My son has social anxiety I would never make him go anywhere
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If she’s struggling with mental health problems she probably doesn’t wanna be around a lot of ppl bc that makes it worse if she feels more comfortable being home let her she’s old enough to decide if she wants to go or stay
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What is with all the parents today trying to take away their children’s Christmas?! Absolutely heartbreaking! Taking away Christmas is not a punishment, it is childish manipulation! Your daughter is struggling and instead of trying to get to the root of the issue and help her you jump to returning her presents and taking away one of the only things which may bring her some happiness during her struggle? Please do not do this! I would not make her go either, she is old enough to make her own decisions and she is probably just not feeling up to it. As an introvert I can tell you that it is extremely draining to go to events like this, and if I’m feeling depressed I generally do not feel up to it at all.
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Tell her that you will facetime her so she can still be a part of family. Asking is good . It will still give her involvement with out the anxiety
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I think the problem is they only see her a couple times a year rather than seeing her regularly and showing interest in her life
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If she really wants to stay back let her stay. She could always go see them another day and get her presents then. Force her to go and shell probably just cause a scene when shes there.
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She is 15 your her mother i dont see where the issue is
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Um let her not go? What the fuck
Try talking to her, let her explain without interrupting her. Being a parent is hard and sometimes all a kid needs is someone who is willing to listen. Try coming up with something that will make you both happy, and try to keep calm which will keep the conversation calm.
Not only is she struggling with mental illness…she’s a teenager. It is literally their job to make things difficult for parents.
If she does not want to go see if she can be separate from everybody or if she is safe, let her stay home.
My 14 year old hates going, literally, anywhere lol
I usually agree to letting him hang back with a grandparent for one or two of our Holiday celebrations as long as he makes a couple appearances 
You are insane. You are gonna punish YOUR child for something she cant help. Congratulations. Cant imagine why she doesnt wanna go anywhere.
She has anxiety. She doesnt see these people enough to feel safe. Leave her at home alone. Good lord. Or you stay home with her too. Your child comes before the rest of your family.
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If she’s just going to be “bored” then it’s simple, if she doesn’t go, she doesn’t get the gifts from them.
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Do NOT leave her at home. Sounds like she might be in a huge depression and could potentially be planning something.
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Don’t make her go. She doesn’t want to and she’s struggling with mental health so making her go will stress her out more.
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She’s 15 and your the parent. If you are concerned about her mental health there is no way you would be able to go and leave her at home. This means she’s making other people suffer for what she wants/doesn’t want. If she’s been this way for a few months, one day isn’t going to make a difference. Take her to see a counselor the day after Christmas. Tell her she is going because she is part of the family and let her know if she causes a scene, then her gifts will be held until she can behave appropriately. My 3 youngest children have mental health issues, but are not allowed to use it as a crutch. Maybe offer to do something special with just her and you after Christmas if she behaves well at the family get together. Maybe go get your nails done together or something else she enjoys that you could do together. But she needs to go. Who knows if those family members will be around next year. Let her know she is a part of a family and a valued part of it. You got this Mom!
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I wouldn’t make her go.my daughter is 13 i dont mKe her go to every event. Her mental health more important and forcing her to go just for gifts is more like black mail and will only make the situation worse
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I personally would not give her the option of whether she goes or not I would just explain to her that the holidays are for family and even if it is boring and no one talks to her her presence would be greatly appreciated just let her know that you love her and maybe try to make it fun for her.
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Shes explaining how she feels and feom this post alone i can tell her feelings arent validated.
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I would let her stay home
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Her mental health is more important than someone else’s feelings in my opinion, especially in such a critical age of their life. Threatening her with discipline by taking away gifts could stamp a taboo on her talking to you about mental health and an open line of communication you may never get back.
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I was always forced to go to family events that I did not want to go to. I’ve been grown for 18 years and have not been to one family function. Hell I even moved out of state. My kids don’t even know my family. May sound crazy, but as a kid I couldn’t wait to finally be able to make my own choice. My family was toxic, but because I was a child I had no say.
I dont think its really fair to punish her for having a mental illness… do you really think thats the best way to go about handling this situation? Ultimately its your child and youll do what you want, but she is 15 and will most likely resent you for forcing her to go when you are fully aware of her current mental state. Respect her wishes and let her stay home for the evening while you go. Still give her whatever yall got her for Christmas. Dont be mean and controlling about something that is out of her control.
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I would not make her go, but I would not leave her alone either
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Are you the parent? Do you provide everything for her? Yes? Then she does what you say. And she’s 15 get her some help before it’s to late.
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Don’t force her. Explain to her it’s memories in the making with loved ones and wants her part of it but will respect and understand if she wants to stay out of it this year. Treat others you want to be treated. Don’t force… don’t guilt her. It isn’t end of the world if she doesn’t go either.
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If she doesnt want to go, do not make her
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It sounds like social anxiety manifesting mama. I should know I’ve had it as long as i can remember. This is something that takes a certain finesse and threatening is not gonna help.
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I don’t think this is a mental health issue. Not to say she doesn’t have a mental health issue, but THIS is just a defiant teenager. I don’t know of many 15 year olds who are thrilled to spend holidays with extended family.
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Um your the mom. She doesn’t get a choice. She IS GOING
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Your the PARENT you tell her to get her happy ass in the car … her grandparents want to see her and they won’t be around forever
It sounds like she feels a little dissconected from the world at the moment. Sometimes it’s our job as a parent to try and force kids out of their comfort zone. That doesn’t mean not being supportive. Somtimes it feels easier to hide away but that doesn’t mean it’s the healthy thing to do. Speacking from experience.
Hope she’s ok and hope you’re able to help her. Just remember 15 is a confusing and hard age for a lot of teenagers.
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I’d be home with my kid. She comes first. Have us some good girl time and show her how much she means to me.
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she’s 15!! why r u giving her a choice??? this is exactly why these kids think they grown. my kids attending whatever I tell them they are until they 18. not sorry.
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Let her make the choice. But don’t punish her for that. She will resent you, and that’s not something you want. I was forced as a child to visit family I didnt know. Let her stay home. It’s one year. If she misses out she misses out.
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I’m almost 26 years old and with my mental illnesses I do not always want to visit family, friends, or go to events. Especially if I’m in a low cycle. If I was in a relationship where my s.o. forced me to go or gave me ultimatums/punished me for not going i would end the relationship. I get that she is your child and your family is expecting to see her, but what you’re suggesting to do is harmful and abusive psychologically. Let her stay home, and then you need to give her the option to either do outpatient treatment or full time partial patient treatment and to get help. Not optional.
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Holidays r boring
It’s not a mental health problem
She has to go
She can moop like we all did as teens going to church or holidays whatever
Its Christmas 
And only for few hrs of her life
Geez!!!
All these comments…it will ruin her …plz…smh
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I would make her go. I wouldn’t want to leave her home alone and family is important. Her grandparents won’t be alive forever and those dinners are important memories
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My son is like that a lot. We negotiate a time to go and leave and an escape for him if needed. Like “we will be at the event from 5-7pm. You will need to greet everyone. If you need to escape, the car will be be left unlocked. We will leave at 7pm, so please say goodbye to everyone a few minutes before 7.” It worked well for us.
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What if someone was forcing you to go and be around people you didnt want to be around. Holidays or not, I wouldnt force her to go. Why make her go and be miserable and make other feel the same way when she can stay home and be ok and you and the family can have a peaceful fun evening. By threatening no gifts (and honestly are you even going to follow through with this) you are saying you and your family feelings are more important than hers.
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Bring her with and let her hide out in someone’s room and just nap or whatever. Tell your family she’s having a hard day and just wants to be left alone. Then you both win. Bring her a plate to where ever she is sitting and let her be a vegetable. Let her wear sweats, let her be comfortable.
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She’s 15. She lives under your roof. She follows your rules.
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Now if something happens ur going to be sad these kids are killing themselfs and ur being selfish mom i have mental illness ill be a voice for ur kid im 36 the world is
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If you give in to her staying home she wins! Your authority is GONE!!! MAKE HER GO!!! She can choose when shes grown and out of your house but for now your house your rules. It’s called manipulation and kids are good at it!
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Honestly I wouldn’t make her go…just because they talk to her doesn’t mean they actually want to be around her…my fiancés brother talks to me and honestly he doesn’t want me around cuz he talks shit about me as soon as I leave soo maybe she knows that they talk about her behind her back and just doesn’t want to be around them cuz I certainly don’t want to be so I just pick and chose when I go see his brother
Which one of you is the parent?
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I would not make her go because it will make her miserable
And it will show on her face then your gonna here from family friends oh whatscwrong with which will make her feel worst I myself do not enjoy a lot of big family functions
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If she doesn’t want to go then don’t make her and definitely don’t punish her for not wanting to go. She is three short years from being an adult. She should be allowed to make decisions on going places or not. Nobody is obligated to attend family gatherings.
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The bigger question is … she’s 15 she refuses help?? She’s under 18 as a mom it’s my job to get her help… I’d have it court ordered or sectioned… it could save her life.
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Honestly, if she is trustworthy (ie now issues with sneaking out, no reason to believe she may self harm, etc) I wouldn’t make her go. I would also make sure she knows it is ok to have mental health issues. Work on removing the stigma for her and getting her comfortable getting help.
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Sounds like you’re more concerned about what your family would think rather than what your daughter needs. Threatening taking gifts back? Seriously? That tells her your love has conditions. Gifts shouldn’t have conditions attached to them. She’s telling you that she’s uncomfortable there in other words. Boring doesn’t always equate to actual boredom. Even at 15 they don’t always have the words to describe what they are feeling.
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As long as I was under my mother’s roof, I had to abide by her rules. I wasn’t asked to attend family functions… I was told to go… No choice.
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She’s a kid, make her go.
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This is social anxiety. I struggle with it too. Do not make threats. It will make it less likely that she will open up to you in the future.
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Making my family happy doesn’t matter if my kid is upset. My kids come first and if they don’t wanna go to an event where they don’t feel comfortable then guess what we’re not going. They need to feel connected with you and feel like they can open up to you. I suffer from mental illnesses and it sucks. I hate being around a big group of people it makes me feel sick and awkward. She probably feels out of place or she’s just trying to get over her own stuff mentally. Kids should NEVER be FORCED to do something they DONT wanna do. If they are then we’re just teaching them that it’s okay to be forced to do something even when they don’t want to from other people and that’s how their mindset is going to be. It’s not hard to put our kids first. We MADE our families to have our OWN traditions and our own memories. If your family wants you there that badly they can suck it up and come visit you 
I’m 20 and still dislike going to family events because I can’t just talk to people about random things, I can’t in big groups for too long, listen to what she’s saying.
She could also be uncomfortable being there, just give her one year of not HAVING to go and you’ll probably see that’s she’s relaxed that she doesn’t have to force herself to socialize.
Make some compromises.
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My family go to friends every year. My boys last year were 16 and 15. We didn’t go to our friends and did something else. I thought through comments that they were bored and didn’t enjoy themselves. This year both of them said are we going to Fred n Wilmas tonight because Christmas Eve isn’t right without going there. If she can be left alone let her miss out this year. Cut your visit a little short. Just donrtalk about it when you get home. Just make tomorrow happy and make some good memories.
Please, stay home with her! NO kid willingly misses out on gifts without a reason. There’s something going on and you need to show you’re going you support her. Returning her gifts is will do the opposite. 1 year without an mad eve party isn’t going to hurt anyone! Your daughter is your priority! Your mum needs to understand that
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I think she needs to learn we all have to do things we don’t want to do. That’s life! I’d make my kid go.
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You’re the mother. The problem now days is parents let kids do, think, and say whatever they want without consequences. You’re the adult! Make that know! She shouldn’t have a choice.
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Not a mama here, but I can provide insight from the other side (I’m 19)
My mom didn’t force me to attend family gatherings/social outings because she knew I’d be depressed the entire time or I’d probably sit in a corner and mope. Your daughter is opening up to you and expressing that she doesn’t want to be there. That level of communication is SO important. There’s an issue here and she’s letting you know how she’s feeling about it.
Your daughter is A PERSON. Yes, she’s your child. But she is her own person - you don’t have the right to force her to go anywhere. Are you going to physically restrain her and throw her over your shoulder into the car? This will only make her draw further into herself and she’ll end up resenting you for not even giving her a choice.
Take this into account as well. You said that she’s the type of kid who likes to laugh and be outgoing - and she’s going through a hard time. She’s feeling depressed. Have you considered that she doesn’t want her family to see her this way and ask her a million questions she doesn’t know the answer to?
You’re supposed to create a safe space for her, Mama. Don’t take that away from her.
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Don’t. You are just struggling with the need to be in charge. But it’s not necessary.
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I think she’s old enough to decide where she wants to go for the most part 🤷
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I was the kid that didn’t like family get togethers. I still hate them. If I want to see someone I will in a setting where it’s more one on one. People feel lonely in a room full of people but feel comfortable when alone. I could be forced to go somewhere in a group and be sullen and grumpy or left alone and everyone can have a good time. I’d leave her be but let her know she’s loved and help her have a relationship she’s comfortable with all the people involved. Also to all the people asking who is the parent, is this really worth making into a battle?
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Please dont threaten to take her gifts away.That could put her into depression which sounds like she already is and you dont want to add to it.Shes 15.Teens often go thru this type a faze.if you force her to go not only will she be miserable but so will everybody else.
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Enforce therapy becuz defiant leads to very immature behavior as adult all becuz they expect instant gratification everything to be hand fed if not then it’s a crisis
Not ready for real world
10x as hard for her to launch if she doesnt resolve current issues in her head
Bribe her with no xmas presents
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I was the exact same way when I was a teen. I had depression and anxiety and disliked being around groups of people that I wasn’t comfortable with, ESPECIALLY relatives. You can force her to go, but odds are that will only make her more withdrawn and unpleasant. It won’t make her feel closer to anyone there, in fact, in some ways it feels more distant. I would let her sit it out for now, and maybe next year you can have them over to your house instead, so that she is in an environment she is more comfortable in. And maybe get her more comfortable around them, by visiting individually and having her spend time with them this year. And if she still isn’t comfortable, talk to her about which family members she doesn’t want to be and why. Being a teenager is really difficult. There are all kinds of hormones at play, and probably things she can’t communicate to you. If I can suggest another alternative so you can celebrate with her this year, is to maybe have a second Christmas with just your immediate family, no relatives? And have her spend actual time with you, maybe play a board game or do something you know she’ll have fun with. It sounds like she needs reaching out to, but if you reach too hard you’ll make her retract even further. Kind of like a hermit crab.
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Sound alike she’s going through a lot. I’d cut her some slack and let her not go. Forcing her to go won’t help anything.
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I had no choice but to go at that age and I put on a smile and socialized. Once I was there I started to enjoy myself.
However someone I know’s younger sister was 15-16 last time I attended a family function with them, and she was made to go and pouted/gave attitude to everyone the whole time, making everyone miserable and the whole thing awkward. It depends on the kid. I’d take her anyway though unless she’s 100% saying it will affect her mental health in a negative way, that’s how I was raised.
I’m 19 and I agree that there should be at least a bit of effort on her part because if she completely isolates herself she will likely regret it later.
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Mental health is not a joke, let your daughter take some personal time to herself and not go to the holiday party. You guys might be upset if she doesn’t attend, but you’re going to be more upset if her mental health takes even more of a hit because of you forcing her to go.
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I wouldn’t give her a choice. You either go willingly or I will physically PUT YOU on the car and drag you there. I promise willingly is the better choice…
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If you make her go you will both have a bad time. IMO
Leave her home, try to enjoy yourself even though she won’t be there.
She’s 15, just have a conversation with her. Let her know how much she will be missed, explain how much grandparents love to see their grandchildren and they won’t be alive forever. Let her know your not trying to guilt trip her but that you just want her to have more information about the whole bigger picture before she makes her final decision. Kids love being empowered and trusted.
She’s a child she does what YOU the mother say! And if she has mental health issues she shouldn’t be alone, you need to find out what’s the underlining problem is. Maybe a counseling session is needed. She’s 15 good friends yeah ok they could be part of the problem.
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Seriously remind her we dont get to pick our relatives. She is manipulating you. Her grandparents should not be punished because she is rebelling.
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Shes refusing help… shes a minor. Youre her parent. You make her get help…
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It’s not just about her. It’s also about everyone else. Forcing her to go when she absolutely doesn’t want to go means that she’s not going to be friendly when she’s there and then you’re going to get mad and everyone else will feel the tension. Possibly there will be an outburst. For everyone’s sake, I’d let her stay home if it was me. I also feel she’s old enough to decide to go to that kind of stuff.
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Tell her to get her little ass in the car! She’s the child, you’re the adult. Act like it.
That’s how some teens are. They wanna do their own thing. My daughter is 15 and my niece is 16 and they’re both like that. Usually they will say hi, go to Grandma’s room and hang out. Come when it’s time to eat, then go back.
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Tell her it would be a great gift for her to be there with you
Mental issues is not an excuse to be rude and definitely not an excuse to get away with doing everything they want. Mental issues needs direction because they don’t have it for themselves, if you want to use that as an excuse. Use “loving them through it” but not letting them do what they want because of it. I’m surrounded by people with mental issues and time and time again I hear “thank you for making me do THAT…” “thank you for helping me see a different perspective” etc. Allowing them to withdrawal into a hole doesn’t help them. I agree with a comment above, make her go and let her hang out in one of the rooms…till she’s ready but knowing she can come back to reality will make her realize she’s not alone in her head.
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Nah man you keep her home where she is comfortable… never force your children to do something because someone might get upset. F that. That’s teaching your kid to put aside her own feeling and boundaries to please someone else. If it was not family member chances of letting her skip would probably be great… why would this be any different… because it’s family?.. nah man some people are still toxic even if they are family… honestly sounds like your one of them if your threatening to take her gifts away if she doesn’t please you
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When I was a teen we used to go to my aunts house for Christmas and I would go to my cousins room because adult talk was boring.
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