Whose parenting who??
7 Likes
Typical teenager. Refuse to let anyone give her Christmas presents.
7 Likes
If it’s truly a “social anxiety” issue then I wouldn’t make her go. But if she’s being a shit and just doesn’t want to go I would make her. That has to be your call.
1 Like
Wow. I would suggest a few things. She doesnt want to go why are you making her or punishing her for it. She has a mental illness. She doesnt want to go cause she says no one talks to her or it’s boring. Maybe she just hates small talk. I’m that way, give me a deep conversation and I’m ok but small talk I cant stand makes me uncomfortable. Introverts are different when it comes to socializing. I wouldn’t cancel or return her gifts for Christmas cause of a mental illness or what sounds like a social anxiety situation. I also would not leave her alone. Start a new tradition. Go drive and look at the Christmas lights or something. She is obviously very uncomfortable about this. Listen to your children when they are uncomfortable in certain situations. And I think if you threaten to take Christmas presents away it can put her into a depression mood or feeling left out. I would definitely suggest therapy.
1 Like
As someone whos struggled all my life with anxiety and depression, forcing her to go or punishing her for not going will only make things worse. You’re reinforcing the idea that social situations are a punishment. Don’t make her do somethig she’s not comfortable with and get her therapy asap.
3 Likes
If she thinks it’s boring allow her to take a favorite board game as an ice breaker! She can teach everyone to play and might feel empowered!
She is at that age and making her go is bad for mental health
Why push her and if she is dealing with mental health problems maybe just let her have this one year where she. Doesn’t have to go. I understand that it’s xmas but u can’t force her into a situation where it would not only make her more upset but it would also affect every one else around
1 Like
Show her respect and honor her wishes. You admit she’s struggling mentally and you want to disrespect her wishes, guilt her, and try to control her with gifts? No wonder she’s having a rough time. She’s a child, it’s not her job to protect an adult’s emotions.
8 Likes
Let her stay home. The holidays aren’t only stressful for adults. Mental health issues make this time of year hard on kids too.
2 Likes
There’s a reason she doesn’t want to go if you didn’t feel like going somewhere you felt uncomfortable I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t go … she’s old enough to make that choice in my opinion let her stay home where she’s comfortable go enjoy your time and come home to her happy maybe she just needs a break from people my sister is this way and she’s 23 I’d let her be
2 Likes
I would simply let her make her own choice. She’s more then old enough to make her own choice in this matter. I know it may not be the choice you or your parents want, but nonetheless its still hers to make.
By forcing her to go your sending the message that she is obligated to do things over the holidays that she doesn’t want to do. Witch is not true, nore is it fare. It’s only going to drive a wage between her and the family. Pick your batteries.
1 Like
Let her stay at home
Don’t force your child to do something she doesn’t wanna do. I had a rough time in school and stopped going for 5 months. She may need extra help and support.
Why is this a choice for CHILDREN?
5 Likes
I think if her daughter had “extreme social anxiety” or any type of anxiety…the mother would be aware or at least see signs of it. She probably would’ve mentioned it in this post also. She is a teenager and I think if the situation isn’t PHYSICALLY/MENTALLY harmful to her over at your parents, make her go. It’s probably just a few hours anyways. Tell her she is going to come and make sure to include her. I’m pretty sure she is just being a teen. And for all the people saying “kids have choices too!”…this isn’t a huge or life altering decision that her mom is forcing her to make or do. Its a Christmas dinner lol
2 Likes
She is being a typical teen tell her to let’s go all these people in here about their feeling is why kids are no longer strong today … she will live its family not your friends .
1 Like
I think that if you force her or blackmail her your a horrible mom . .if a man were to blackmail his wife into going to an event or something she didn’t want to yall would scream emotional abuse but when a mom does it to her daughter it’s ok?
Screw that shes entitled her her feelings and emotions and she should have a choice. On top of all that if you force her into it she probably wont trust you anymore because you forced her into a situation she wasnt comfortable with and she’ll probably resent you 
6 Likes
Why is she being a baby. I didn’t like going to family holiday dinners, I didn’t have a voice and I was ignored. I suffered from anxiety/depression/ seizures. But I still went. It’s not the end of the world. She wants to be treated like a grown up then she should act mature and just go. Yes everyone goes into that emo/ depression stage. Doesn’t mean she should be rude & not go. Soon anyone could die and she won’t be able to see them again. She should actually try and keep a conversation going.
I think teenagers need to get out of their own heads and think of others but actually put in the effort with family gatherings, it’s only for the holiday. They won’t freaking kill her. I think it’s selfishness. Especially if others still give her presents, like do the decent thing for people who bought you things. Once she is moved out and living on her own Then she doesn’t have to Show up. But she’s a teen. I’d say get over it and think of others.🤷
2 Likes
Make her go? Don’t make her go. You admit in this post that your daughter is struggling with mental health yet refusing help.
As a parent it is your job to get her that help even if she refuses.
I would show more concern over getting her the mental help that she needs than worrying about a Christmas party.
You have obviously let her chose about her mental health and treatment but do not want her to have a choice over a party??
Sincerely,
A medical professional.
5 Likes
If she doesn’t want to go then she needs to go see a therapist. She can’t use the social anxiety/depression card sometimes and also not go somewhere where she can talk to someone.
You are her mother. You can either force her to go to the party or force her to get the help she needs
3 Likes
Make her go. At 15 I didn’t want to do family events either because it was “boring”. It did no harm my mom making me go. Actually those are some of my fondest memories. But definitely get her help. Make her do that to. You’re the mom, you’re responsible for her. Who’s not to say that she’s so bad in her mental health that when you guys leave, she tries to kill herself. I wouldn’t take that chance.
4 Likes
Is she an introvert? I totally feel where she’s at . I’m 50 now but when I was her age these things were emotionally draining and painful when I was in a good mood . Personally I would let her stay home and get alone time . She might rejuvenate and feel much better. Just my opinion.
4 Likes
Respect her wishes and let her know her choices are validated
5 Likes
I agree with all the comments especially about you and her going out and do a new tradition…if your working or not gonna be home maybe that is the issue for her…maybe she wants it to be a you and her deal or you going as well…go do something fun with her make it like they said a new tradition with her where it involves both of you
Mental health is more important… doesn’t mean she’s a brat (per some of these comments) social anxiety is a thing, I deal with it too. Love and respect her decision. It’s sounds like it’s ok for you guys to get your way and be happy (you and your parents) but your daughters feeling don’t matter. Communication is key… you may have asked her how or why she doesn’t want to go but if you haven’t made the door of communication open for her so that she feels she can come to you, she’s going to continue shutting people out. Maybe 
8 Likes
Unless she can provide a GOOD reason to not want to go, step up and be the parent! If you give in now, you will ne allowing her to make her own decisions and she is NOT an adult.
1 Like
If it were my daughter (who is also 15), I would make her go.
1 Like
This is just one day at year. You make her go period.
3 Likes
I don’t think it should be a choice and if she has mental issues as you say, I don’t think she can be trusted to stay home alone!
2 Likes
If she can’t give a valid reason for not going, she goes. She will one day look back on these memories and cherish them. It’s one day. She will be fine.
She is your child and what you say goes.
1 Like
How is your 15 year old refusing help? As a parent YOU make her get help. You oversee that she gets the help she needs NOW while she is under your care and not wait until she is older when it’s out of your hands! Social anxiety is real so as for making her go to a “party” I wouldn’t … explain to your parents that she is dealing with mental health problems and they should understand! Mental health is real and needs to be taken seriously! Do NOT let your daughter become a statistic, HELP HER HELP HERSELF
4 Likes
What happened that makes her not want to be around those family members. I’d be wondering that
4 Likes
I have mental health issues and social anxiety is terrible. Most people don’t understand. Do not make her go and don’t take away her presents.
5 Likes
My cousins only with ‘issues’ only stopped coming to family parties when their parents let them stop coming. Dont black mail her but tell her she doesn’t have a choice. Period. U are the parent.
1 Like
If she doesn’t want to go then don’t make her to.
Buy an at home drug test. Seriously.
3 Likes
Find a compromise. Can she hole up in a bedroom at your parents house, so you can check on her, and she can interact on her terms? Tell your parents/family she’s feeling under the weather, but didn’t want to miss. I understand her need to be heard/respected, but family is important too, as well as not isolating herself.
2 Likes
Holidays are family time. My older kids have to go (16 and 15) too bad.
2 Likes
Sorry she’s the child… you’re the parent… she gets in the car and goes or she doesn’t get her xmas presents…
1 Like
I have anxiety to.
Still went to family functions and learned how to deal with my emotions.
It would be different if it was some huge, 50 ppl, event. It’s not.
You can always take 2 cars, if possible, and leave a bit early with her.
As far as “refusing help”…hahahahahahaha
Why does she have an option? Take her and talk to the Dr, get recommendations for a therapist bc her mental health isn’t something you just let her fix. She’s 15.
Be her parent.
2 Likes
15 yr old… YOU are still the parent , here…
Help her learn how to deal with anxiety & uncomfortable situations, by NOT giving her a choice…when she becomes an adult , living in an adult world , she will be thankful you helped her learn & grow…
P.s…do not withhold gifts, she doesn’t need to be punished for how she feels…
4 Likes
I wouldn’t force her to go. I’m 28 & still have issues being around a lot of people even if it’s family. I get overwhelmed & get anxiety & panic attacks & will burst into tears. If she is having mental issues please take that seriously! For all saying she should suck it up, well if your child has mental health problems & you tell them suck it up & then they try to commit suicide or harm themselves YOU are the problem! Social anxiety & mental health is very serious! I’ve been having it since I was 14 & I was forced to do things that made me overwhelmed or uncomfortable & it has made it even harder on me as an adult. Please just let her just have time to herself or have someone stay home with her so she isn’t in a bad situation but isn’t completely alone either.
5 Likes
Don’t force her.
Never force her into a situation she doesn’t feel comfortable in (even for a “silly” reason"),it’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t go.
It also wouldn’t be good for her mental health either.
5 Likes
She’s a child. Make her go.
2 Likes
Leave her at home No special anything
I wouldn’t punish her for mental health issues you know she is suffering from. She feel the way she does. It’s not our job to make them feel a certain way but to accept where they are and accommodate them the best way we know how. She’s more than old enough to enjoy an evening alone. No need to rub in her face what she is missing. Maybe she just CANT. For reasons you just don’t understand. She is telling you why she can’t do it. Appreciate that.
3 Likes
I’m sorry but i make my kids go to family things even my best friends gatherings, parties or dinners. If they don’t go with their dad and his family they go where i go period. It’s not all the time so they can handle a day
Sounds like she runs the show a little bit. And you sound TIRED of dealing with this shit.
Force her to go, and then you both need some mental health pampering. You should book yourself a hotel for the night and her dad can be in charge.
Hope everything goes well tonight, just tell her to not be a booger for 1 night
Ok maybe I’m the odd one out, but when I was 15 I was just a rude ass for no reason. Family things are boring when your that age. I was the only cousin that was not and adult but not really a kid. If I got out of family functions I didn’t want to go too I would’ve missed out on a lot. I also wasn’t given a choice 
Let her stay home. You said it yourself she’s going through so hard stuff. You’re thinking about what you want instead of what she may need. Take a breath and come up with a compromise.
1 Like
I’m 27 now and when I was a teenager I DREADED family gatherings. If it’s more than 5 people I couldn’t handle it. I would shake and sweat and feel so uncomfortable.
As much as I love my family big gatherings like that were really hard for me, they still are.
I would never force that on my kid, social anxiety is terrible especially when coupled with depression.
Have you thought about maybe not going yourself? Maybe the two of you can do something special together? Let her know that what she’s going through matters?
You could always go for a little and then come back and be with your kid who obviously needs you.
1 Like
No wonder kids today struggle with mental health when they have parenst like some of you.
She’s 15, old enough to decide what she wants when it comes to stuff like that. If she struggles with her mental health, stay home with her! Nothing is more important that your kids.
5 Likes
Do not punish her for this. Depression and anxiety are a living hell. Be supportive.
4 Likes
She’s suffering mental health issues , I wouldn’t try and force my daughter to go somewhere she doesn’t want to go especially if I know she’s is struggling. Have a Christmas party at home. Not every Christmas needs to be big and all out with every family member.
2 Likes
If she is that hesistant to go dont force her. Maybe there is something that you dont know about why she doesnt want to go
2 Likes
Make a little baggie. A few of her favorite snacks and a movie. Give her it and say she can go for a few hours and when you get back you guys can watch it.
And refusing help or feels like she doesn’t deserve it? Because at 14 I felt I didn’t deserve it. I tried my hardest to isolate myself and to not talk about my mental health. Maybe make her an appointment with a psychologist to get evaluated? Say you love her and are are scared she feels like she has to fight alone, but she dosent.
2 Likes
Uh… ur going. Period the end. I have a 15 yr old and wouldn’t never think of letting her skip out on Christmas w the family. Anxiety or not, this is life. You have to go places you don’t want to sometimes and one day she’ll regret not spending more time with her family.
9 Likes
First of you are the parent and she is the child… Parents now say need to stop worrying if the are going to make their child mad and be a parent… I would not let her refuse and help if she was struggling with ANY kind of mental problems. It’s called a Psychiatrist make her appointment and take her there…You are not helping her by trying to be her friend. Be her mom first…
2 Likes
Dont force her - everyone will be miserable. Take away her gifts? Please dont. Let her stay home, this is normal teen behavior.
4 Likes
Don’t make her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. if her absence “upsets” other family members maybe they should reach out to her during the other days of the year and try to make a relationship with her. It sounds like the adults here are acting more like children than the 15 yr old. Sounds like she is just trying to maintain her mental health around a toxic family. when children mature and attempt the create distance, a toxic family will be upset. This is proof of an unhealthy dynamic… sorry 
it’s extremely common
1 Like
My son has social anxiety and so do I. He will say everything is boring just his way of telling me he’s uncomfortable around people some days depending on the situation I’ll let him stay home but not every single time they need to get out every once in awhile because we all know it’s not any easier as an adult. And people can say what they want anxiety is real and very frustrating and exhausting. If you really believe she’s just doing it to be a brat then make her go but if she does in fact have issues then let her be you will just create more mental problems for her and don’t threaten to take away Christmas she can’t help she feels that way
1 Like
She should go. “Boring” or not, she’ll miss them when they’re gone.
1 Like
Mental health is important. If she’s stressed about it, don’t force her.
3 Likes
I didn’t go to my Xmas eve parties with my
Family because yes no one talks to me they do but not like everyone else… the family is huge and I felt alone in a crowded room… so I don’t blame her… maybe bring a board
Game or games to play so she isn’t left out
I don’t know what she is struggling with as far as mental issues go,but if it were my parents, they’d tell me to deal with it and go. Whom ever had a problem eventually ended up enjoying themselves. Do what YOU feel is right. No one else’s opinion matters.
You got two choices you can be the parent and make her go,Are you can give in and let her have her way,!!
I myself suffer with social anxiety, I can tell you that getting out socializing with people more helps with that,Instead of Cooped up in the house all day by yourself, that makes it worse!!
3 Likes
Do NOT MAKE HER GO. Something is bothering her. Mental health or not. My parents never understood why I didn’t want to go to my grandpa’s house… I would just cry and cry … took me over 15 years to tell my parents he molested me… do not force your child … she will remember how you forced her and not trust you … You are her one person don’t turn on her.
5 Likes
Honestly, if she genuinely does not want to go, let her stay and keep her gifts. My son HATED going with us on family outings, usually bday parties or family get togethers. He is very honest (Aspergers) so when asked by the host if he was having a good time, he’d say no that he was bored. It was mortifying. He would argue with his sisters, had an attitude during the whole time. My husband and I ended up arguing every time and he’d end up mad at our son and the whole thing was a negative experience. So I simply asked him if he’d like to join us on an outing and he’d say no, he’d prefer staying at grandmas. So it’s been 3 years and he does not join us at family parties, only joins us when we go to the movies. Everyone is happy, no one is fighting, it’s so much easier.
1 Like
She is human just like us and she shouldn’t be forced to do anything, maybe her expressing no one talks to her and is boring is her telling you she has anxiety! Mental health isn’t a joke and everyone saying she doesn’t deserve presents, I pray you never have to deal with a mental illness and i sure as hell hope you don’t have children with a mental illness.
4 Likes
Tell her one day she well be like me wating in a hospital hope they will come home soon be with them and love them while you can
My mom would make me go and be respectful while I was there whether I wanted to be or not because thats how I was raised. When I was that age if I were to stay home it would only be because I had plan to be up to no good or boys.
She’s 15 and knows how she’s feeling. Maybe you all could just stay home instead 
Show her that she and her happiness are important to you. Sure, she could be saying it for many reasons. But there may be an underlying cause. I stay skip the family dinner (explain that your daughter isn’t feeling well) and enjoy time as a family.
4 Likes
You’re a fucking dick tbh
1 Like
Theres no age limit on anxiety or any other sort of mental illness! 10 years from now she could be just as anxious, but nobody would be forcing her to go as an adult!
3 Likes
It’s normal for a teen to act this way. She may be refusing help for her mental health issue because maybe she doesn’t want to believe she is struggling with it. She’s 15. That idea has got to scare her. She may have severe social anxiety. Mental health is never something that should be pushed to the side because it might hurt someone’s feelings.
Returning the gifts because she won’t go is a bit much. Listen to her when she talks about hwr feelings. Her feelings matter too.
3 Likes
Only sees these family members a couple times during the year and you expect her to feel comfortable with them? Maybe tell your family to make more of an effort to be around or dont be around.
5 Likes
Returning her gifts is uncalled for you would be saying the gifts are only if you do what I want !!!
3 Likes
I’ve been struggling with mental health issues since I was 15. So 16 years so far. I ha e bipolar 1, depression, social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD. My mom took the time to speak to me deeply on how I felt. Her anxiety could be the reason why she says it’s boring and no one speaks to her, because her issues may make her turn inwards on herself and make it difficult to hold a conversation. If there was a gathering I knew I couldn’t handle my mom would talk to me about it and sit down for a heart to heart and figure out why I really felt that way. Then we would either decide I wasn’t going, or we would discuss ways of coping while I was there. If it did get to be too much for me I would talk to my mom and we would leave. Your talking about punishing her for something she might not have control over. Also she’s 15, which means you can still legally at least make her go to therapy to talk about how she feels. If you know/or feel she is having mental health issues, taking something away from her like that with the knowledge you have will not help her in the slightest.
1 Like
Coming from a mother that has a daughter that struggles with anxiety and depression, we didn’t see the signs because she hid them so well. Now looking back, she was hesitant to go to outings but forced herself to go after pleading “c’mon we are all going…it’ll be fun.” She never let on how much she was suffering from this. Was getting up everyday and going to school and work, until one night, I will never forget, she had thoughts of taking her life, and almost did. I’m sharing my story with you because she was a teenage girl suffering from this disease and she sought out help. Be there for your daughter. Be her comfort zone. Please get her the help she needs. If you have to confide in your parents, if they love their granddaughter they would be more understanding and probably try to help. This is not a child being selfish or rebelling, mental illness is a serious disease that requires professional help. For people to say you are the parent, force her to go is bull. Yes you are the parent and her protector. Do what’s right for her RIGHT NOW before it’s too late. I know if I could go back and change things, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I guess the signs were always there we just never realized it til it was almost too late. I thank God she is here with us now and doing so much better. Please, from one concerned mother, don’t be upset with her and get her the help she needs. I’m sure it’s not easy on her to be confused and depressed and you being upset with her probably doesn’t make matters better.
4 Likes
She’s 15. Old enough to stay home. I hated going places I thought were boring and my grandparents never forced me or threatened to take things away. If I were forced to go I would have been miserable and probably irritated the whole time. And if you know she’s struggling with mental health issues don’t force her to go, she’ll just end up upset with you and you won’t have the right to be mad because you forced her to go. The only place you should be trying her to go is somewhere to get help. If your parents are upset, oh well. That sucks. But your daughters feelings are more important. And if you don’t want to leave her alone then call around and see if someone is available to come sit with her.
2 Likes
Make her go you’re the parent. She is a 15 year old child. What you say goes.
1 Like
Can she bring a friend?
1 Like
Wow I really hope some of the commenters never have to have a child go through mental illness. Shes 15 and struggling. Yes she is a child, however she is a human being. Still capable of dealing with mental illness. If shes trying to communicate to you, appreciate it. Dont make her feel bad about it. You should be blessed your daughter is willing to speak up about it. Many people csnt cause their parents made them feel their mental health isnt important. I know, cause I was that kid. Ended up trying to take my life at 16 cause no one listened to me. I pray that not be the same, but do please remember that shes your daughter and shes communicating shes struggling.
2 Likes
Social anxiety is a real thing. If you know she’s struggling why would you force your child into an uncomfortable environment for her. Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean what she’s feeling is real.
1 Like
I’d maybe remind her that these aren’t people she gets to see/ has to see often and offer a reward for keeping it together. Maybe something Santa couldn’t manage this year finds its way to her in January or something. You never know why a kid may feel this way and as a parent it’s hard to determine if something is from just run of the mill acting out, or something deeper. Being a teenager is hard no matter how you slice it or what may be going on. I know I used to have “brooding phases” as a teen where I acted like things were more than they were and pushed people away for the sake of appearing dark and forlorn and deep and dramatic lol. Who knows if for her it’s just that or something more. At least if you’re encouraging, it’s way more likely you’ll help with her problem instead of further it. If she doesn’t go, I wouldn’t return everything but I would make sure she understood how disappointed her relatives were not to see her. I wish you luck momma.
15 I refused to go & it was better for everyone if they didn’t force me 
1 Like
When I was 15 I tried to commit suicide due to “struggling with some mental issues”. Make her get help for that (issue 1). As for the family gathering…I’m kind of torn. Family is super important and who knows if this could be the last time you see some of them since tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us so I would strongly encourage her to go based on that premise, but if she feels that strongly about not going I wouldn’t force it. She is old enough to make her own choices and stay home
1 Like
Sounds like something else is going on
1 Like
It’s ok, give her time hope she’ll find her way out. Something happened some where. Leave numbers with her, and have one of her friends stay with her.
My daughter is 11 years she has social anxiety she doesn’t like to go too birthday party or family events i accept it. It wasn’t easy first to deal with or to miss out a few events birthday party’s. But to see her happy at home playing a game with her sister and me or reading a book and tell us the stories it was more important too me then going to the event’s… I used to force her and all she did was hiding in the corner and was sad.
Now we all happy at home just us 4 and celebrate Christmas…
1 Like
Anxiety and depression will cause u to push people away. U will lose interest in things that once made u happy. Still make her go . It’s family time.
A gift is a gift, it’s supposed to be given free of stipulations, so I wouldn’t be taking Christmas presents back over it, but I would be making her go. I’d also make sure she understood that she better have a decent attitude about it, but I wouldn’t guilt trip her for it. My 15 year old has anxiety, but doing stuff as a family involves people she’s known for most of her life, so there’s no reason for it. I don’t wanna go to family stuff half the time either, and I do it anyways. It’s a part of life. My kids also know that what I say goes and there’s not really any way to get around it🤷♀️
3 Likes
Make her go. If she doesn’t learn how to talk to people she will never get anywhere in life. Not being an ass, just speaking from first hand experience
You need to believe her mental health is just as valuable as the gifts you are threatening to return. Agree to let her not go ask her if shes ok and if something else is bothering her if she doesn’t say something is then let her be. Let her know you’re available to talk at all times and you’ll pick her up later if she feels up to it and its not to far of a drive. Let her self recharge and don’t take the stressers in her life that are personal to her become insignificant to you. You are building the communication foundation for the rest of her life right now make it strong and allow her space.
4 Likes
See if she will agree to go, speak kindly to important relatives, and then be allowed to go to a quiet private spot with her tablet or phone. A little togetherness goes a long way.
Mental health issues in the young are devastating, her presents should not come with strings there are going to be worse problems than missing a family dinner, counseling is nessesary to get a family therapist to guide you
1 Like
Don’t make her go if she’s not comfortable with it…would you want to go somewhere you felt uncomfortable?
The happiness of the test of the family comes before her happiness and mental well being. Great lesson to teach a 15 year old
3 Likes