I have been divorced for 5 years and my 13 year old daughter tries to sabatoge anyone that I have dated since then…if i start getting serious with someone and bring them home to meet my daughter she does dusgusting things in front of them, picks her nose and puts it on the wall, farts, burps, tells them lies about how we live…idk what to do anymore or why she does this…i have taken her to a therapist and she still does this whenever i bring someone home…is she just jealous that I am no longer with her father (his choice not mine)…how can i get her to understand that I need to be happy too? How can I get her to open up to me?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughter scares away anyone that I bring home: Advice?
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Not really good advice but turn the tables on her. Have her friends over and do those things, let her see how it feels.
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How long are u dating these people before u bring them around her and do u discuss your “dates” with her so she is involved?
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Your daughter doesn’t need to be meeting me you’re dating
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Do the same with her Friends
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It happens a lot kids are jealous and will make it rough on you
How long have yall dated before you bring random men around? Hopefully at least 5 months
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Sounds like my 8 year old
Date them long enough to explain how she is before she ever meets them. She’s a teen, if someone doesn’t see through that phase, they probably aren’t worth it anyways.
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She probably just worried about you I think you should sit with her one on one and talk to her and ask her why is she being like this what is she scared of maybe she afraid you will get her that new someone will get all the attention I would simply talk to her and explain why you want to date and that you will alway be there for her and let know and have her tell you also
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The most important thing is to always make sure she is reassured that no matter what or who you end up with. Your relationship with her will not change at all.
She may be scared they will take her mums life away, she may be scared everything will change.
As an adult that was once this child, I can tell you now that she doesn’t realise how much she is hurting you, she is merely focusing on removing any form of threat to the relationship you and her have.
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I would warn next boyfriend and ignore her.
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Maybe she just needs some one on one fun time with her mom.
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I would continue putting her in therapy and maybe delve down some other routes mental health wise. I would have a talk with her about it and honestly she’s old enough at this point that I would resort to some form of punishment if all else fails. She’s old enough to understand cause and effect.
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I say don’t bring any man home., till you know your going to marry him.
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Maybe she needs more of your attention. If she isn’t in school activities get her involved in activities that she finds interesting. Try to keep her involved with kids her own age that are in sports, etc.
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Don’t have them meet her unless you’re actually very serious and potentially see marriage as an option.
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The fact that you bring men home tells me there’s a number of them. Maybe it’s you inviting men to meet your daughter too early especially if it’s not in a serious stage yet. She’s telling you by her behavior just maybe that she doesn’t want to meet all these men.
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Instead of looking at her behaviors as trying to sabotage your relationship, uncover WHY she’s doing this. These things cause attention, is she worried she will lose your attention to a boyfriend? Does she feel she needs to compete for attention? There’s alot more than meets the surface and as parents it’s our job to try and uncover it and work through that.
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Yes kids are use to having mom to themselves so they are afraid to loose that time with mom , rules changing ,Dad being replaced etc . I would just keep all men away until you have a ring on your finger. Def keep you with therapy .
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And you let her get away with this…that needs to stop. She needs her mom
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a belt on her ass would help your situation !!!
Well it obvious that your daughter is not ready for someone new in your life . Spend time with her and get to the root of the issue . It could just be that she misses you and her dad together.
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It’s Time for punishment. She is way too old to be acting this way , especially after so long. And be brutally honest with her about her dad
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Stop bringing men home, she’s 13 and doesn’t want to share you, or meet another new guy….give her a gift of “no men in your life till she’s 18”…spend all your energy on her, don’t be selfish, trust me, the men will still be out there after she grows up; and you won’t be sorry.
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If he stays, he is the right one
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Focus on your daughter and put her in therapy.
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Sounds like you are the same age as your child
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Stop letting her get away with it.
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Stop bringing the men around your child until you know this man is marriage material. If he was truly marriage material he would accept all the sabotaging stuff. She’s trying to basically see who will stick around and who will not. The ones who don’t stick around are actually the ones you do not want your child around because they won’t accept your child.
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Maybe try focusing more on your daughter & her needs/issues than the men you keep trying to bring around. Clearly she has some trauma or issue(s) that needs worked through.
She is a teenager, of course she’s going to act out, especially when there are things going on. We ALL have acted out around that age.
Have an open conversation with your child. One where you’re meeting her on her level. Where it’s a safe place to talk about her reasons, thoughts, and concerns. Don’t punish her. Help her, PLEASE.
I know some Karen is going to come to my comment & disagree. Don’t. Because I don’t care.
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Sounds like she’s doing it because she could feel threatened, be upset you arent with her dad anymore and blame you.
I would warn him beforehand and i would set the meetup in public and see if she acts like that- then she can face the music that society doesnt respond well to that type of behavior.
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Sit her down and talk… ask her… try and compromise… let her know how the things she does makes you feel. Communication is important.
Also try not to be her friend just parent. Let her know if the behavior stops she loses her phone privileges. Then TV. Then outside. Or whatever she is into
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She needs more time with you. Your relationship needs to be repaired before you can introduce her to someone else. Stay at Home Moms 
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Sound like she is jealous of any one sent her to her room when he comes over take her pc are I pad what every away when she does this
Stop bringing men around her. Focus on her she’s clearly acting out for a reason.
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She has needs that are unmet, fill those before yours.
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Stop letting her act this way. And probably stop bringing home strangers to her. You may be getting serious but no one should be meeting until you think it’s going to be marriage material
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She is mad because of yalls divorce and is try to make you pay.
Your a mom. You gave up your needs once you had a kid.
You make it sound like you have a revolving door…I’d be mad if I was your kid too!
She will be out of the house soon and then you can date to her hearts content.
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Start punishing her for what she’s doing. Take away TV, electronics, toys, outside time, ground her, etc.
you need to explain to her why she cannot continue this behavior and lying. Get stern with her and stay that way or she’ll continue this behavior.
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She probably doesn’t want to share you with anyone else. My 4 kids were like that until the got grown and found their own loves. Quit looking for love and enjoy the time you have left with her as a child. Find a friend with benefits for sexual urges .
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By any chance did dad leave you for someone else? Or did he start a new relationship shortly after? Maybe she’s afraid that if youre in a relationship you will leave her too?
I’d find another therapist. There’s something going on that hasn’t been addressed. You can’t figure this out on your own. You need someone trained in child phycology.
Jmho if you don’t agree keep your opinions on your comment.
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Dont bring anyone home…
Simple…
Date and go to their place.
There’s actually no need to bring them home
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Don’t bring men around your children until you know they are going to be a constant person in your life. And hers……
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Have her bring some boyfriend or friend over and do the same thing to them! Tell her that’s how you feel when she does it!
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Jealous, not wanting to share, or just afraid that her life as the only one in yours will end. She is in her own way controlling you, so that nothing changes. Maybe you need to not let her have friends over or even socialize for a period of time until she learns to be civil to your guest. If you’re thinking about a serious relationship then she does need to meet and greet him, but if it’s just a casual friendship then leave her out of it.
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You’re her parent, not her friend. She’s a teenager… she’s going to be repulsive until she matures … that’s just life. If she acts ugly, and the result is that she gets what she wants, she’s going to continue acting ugly.
I think you need to stop bringing guys home, her actions are a sign that she’s begging for your attention. You can still date, just keep that part of your life separate.
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Make her watch Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and tell her she needs to be at least as funny as Steve Martin or you’ll start calling her Ruprickt…
For real, though, why are you not at a stage of dating where you explain about this and tell the hilarious stories before the guys try to meet your daughter?
Also, maybe it would help to have her meet them on neutral ground, like a local arcade? That works with dogs…bonus points if she has people who know her from school there and will behave in front of them, lol.
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stop bringing people home. focus on her.
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She’s 13. It’s the time she’s gonna start acting out and she’s mad because her parents aren’t together. You need to focus more on her and maybe stop dating for a while.
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Stop bringing men around your daughter 
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She’s jealous and probably scared to lose her mom! I know when I was young and it was just me and my mom I was happy until she met, married and got pregnant with his baby. I went to therapy and it started getting better 
Do not take her around the guys. I absolutely would not take her around anyone until you’re established in your relationship. I’d set very strong boundaries with her and maybe think about family counseling if she continues with it.
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I only dated one person after I was divorced (I’d
Rather have dogs and plants, less stress) My kids tried to do the same but I embarrassed the hell out of them by belching and farting around them and their Friends 
I prewarned my ex boyfriend and he joined the fun.
Not saying it was right by any means but they are older now and said it was the perfect response 
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Don’t bring them home.
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Sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Tell her that her behavior is hurting you and your feelings. You shouldn’t have to put your happiness on the back burner due to her behavior.
If they cared or loved you none of this would matter. They would love her too. If they can’t accept her how can you accept him. I am a step mom and I fell for them first. I knew them before I knew him. They were like this. But it didn’t matter. They had my heart just as he did.
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My daughter is the same age and has done the same. I haven’t been with her dad since she was about 3, but I was in a 7 year relationship that led to 2 of her siblings and “hated” him while we were together but now tells me she misses when I miss l was with him. We broke up 2 years ago and even guy friends that I have had she will tell them I’m a horrible mom, that I never cook, just other things to make me look bad and make sure they lose any interest in me 
I usually prepare them beforehand, so they expect it.
Quite honestly I chose to work hard and focus on my children and our life and once they were grown I dated then. Made life easier for me and them.
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l Get paid over $109 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18151 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
Go to This. https://DollarProfits1541.pages.dev/
Why are you bringing men around your daughter before you even know them?!
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Don’t introduce a new man to your kid for at least six months and if she, a 13 year old girl can scare off a grown man then he wasn’t going to stay in the first place.
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Find her a babysitter and don’t take her around him anymore. You might be wanting to look for a child’s psychologist too she’s doing it on purpose. Someone she can talk to I’m not an advocate for medication
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Probably stop bringing guys home so often.
Also if dudes be scared of by that let they ain’t worth it anyways
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my 15 year old use to try this.
I ended up haven a baby by someone and no matter what he will get frustrated at her but doesn’t leave.
now mine has mental issues so things get very ugly.
but from day 2 she’s loved him n called him dad.
sometimes kids can sense things about people and don’t know how to express it or maybe she does it to see if they will stick around.
you can always message me if you want and we can talk.
Blackmail her! Lol! Video her doing all of those things and showing her ass and threaten to post it on all social media and send it to her friends if she continues to act out when your company is over.
Don’t bring him home? She’s not ready duh
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Just let her do the things she does . And be heads up with the one that you bring home and ask him to just ignore her .But never let her lie about the one you bring home. And if yall show her it’s not going to bother him it will go away
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My son dos the same and he’s also 13
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How many are you bringing home is my question
WHOA! You both deserve to be happy however KIDS FIRST! If u need to go and have some adult fun fine but go to his place ! Don’t tell her if thats what it needs to be for awhile while things are sorted out you need to maybe do individual/family counseling 
i dont know what you have tried for options but i would begin there sooner than later
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I would A do the same thing to her. B talk to her and tell her that she’s going to knock it off because you deserve to be happy too and that the strong will survive. There’s gonna be a man that she can’t run off. I’d also be upfront with the men about her and her behavior and let them know she’s doing it to just make them leave. That way when they’re ready to meet her they’re prepared
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Sounds like you’re bringing them around way too soon.
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stop bringing people home?
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Don’t bring anyone home until you yourself has gotten to know the guy and decide if you want a relationship with him and when you do tell him what to expect and let them know why she is doing what she does .
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Maybe she’s pissed you’re bringing random men to her home, maybe try meeting in public a few times first? Maybe try an actual waiting period before even thinking about introducing them? Idk this post reads like you bring home any Tom Dick or Harry.
She’s doing you a favor. Stop being random men that seem nice home before one of you gets hurt.
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I waited an entire year before my husband met my son we would either wait till he was in bed or I would get a sitter after he would fall asleep until I knew it was going to be a long term thing also when you know it has gotten to that point then explain to him what she is doing and trying to do sit down have a mature conversation with her and ask her how she feels about you dating and make it a safe space no judgement at all so she feels comfortable opening up to you might only be one thing here and there but eventually you will find out why she is acting the way she is and if she won’t open up to you ask her father or if there is a family member or a close friend of yours that she is very close with ask them to talk to her also could ask one of her friends mothers if she is close enough with them to ask her she needs to know that you respect her opinion it is her home as well and she deserves to feel comfortable and safe in her own home without some man coming into her space she lives there too and has every right to determine who’s there just like you do maybe she is worried they will move in and that’s not what she wants if that’s the case make it clear that no one will be moving in you can date without having them come to your home have them come over when she is at a sleep over or out you can have a relationship and still date without bringing them into her life if that’s truly what she wants chin up it does get easier you do deserve to be able to date as well momma just remind yourself it’s her home to
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When she has a sleepover do the same thing
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Depends when you and her father split. If it’s a recent wound she’s not ready to “meet” anyone. Sorry I’d be obnoxious to. Imagine yourself in her shoes. I would sit and have a one to one talk with her. Get to the root of it all
If possible and he’s a good dad regardless of you 2 , send her to her father for a nice long visit . After the visit before she’s to come home the 3 of you sit down and have a decent talk . About expectations, rules , consequences etc.
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Send her to live with daddy lmfao okay all jokes aside. Counseling may help and don’t bring them home right away. . . Not until you’re truly serious and by then she will be older and barely home.
I did that to my mom when I was around that age too. Not the picking nose and wiping it on the walls though I would just act out and be super disrespectful… I did it because I didn’t want another abusing man in my life. Her ex husband before she started dating was a nightmare and so mean… one day she brought someone home I couldn’t get him away from my mom they continued to date then I got mad at my mom and I didn’t go over there when he came over. She eventually moved in with him so I stopped visiting her. After I finally let my mom talk me into just giving him a try he wasn’t bad at all. He’s probably the best parent I have. Maybe just try and talk to her and figure out what’s going on. I’m sorry you are going through that. I’m sure it’s not easy. /:
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My advice is don’t bring the guy to the house to meet him. When you decide that the time is right, let your daughter pick the place that you go to meet him, somewhere that she feels comfortable. Explain to her what is going on and let her decide if/when she even wants to meet him!
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She wants u all to herself.
Yikes… I would be a basket case bringing men around a 13 year old girl. Go visit, but keep the home safe for her until she’s grown.
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I would date said person for a good minute before introducing and once you’ve felt it’s the right time then maybe slowly bring them into the picture. Tell her about said person and talk with her about how they make you happy or the sweet things they do that make you happy. Explain you’re not trying to replace her father and ask her feelings and emotions on it. ect and then start off with small dates that include her and maybe have a small gift included more like a peace offering and gradually introduce and have around more often. Don’t just throw her into a new situation when she barely knows the person or unexpectedly
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She said she’s been divorced 5 years, it doesn’t sound like she’s just outright hoeing out and bringing flings home. Like, stand down some. Jeez.
But fr, if they run bc of a 13yo they probably weren’t good enough anyway. Consider it their loss.
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I would not bring anyone home. I would date away from home. If that means u got get a room for the night n day u do that n leave her qt home. But if u get serious serious let the man know how she is. Anyone that truly loves u will block the bad away. But will understand n work it out with her to. But I would be upfront with her n tell her if she is gonna act like q baby I will treat u like one. She wants to go hang out with friends o no mam. I’d be petty mom n do crap that she does to me in front of her friends
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This is a them problem, not a her problem. She’s struggling with something really hard and acting out a lot of complex feelings that are overwhelming for someone at her age/development. If someone can’t deal with it long enough to build a stronger relationship with your child for the long haul, I do not think they are the right person for you or your family.
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My daughter was like this too
I can understand that she’s upset but she’s too old to act like that! I know what I’d do but I can’t put it on FB!
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She’s doing you a favor lmao if they’re gonna let a 13 year old scare them off then they ain’t it. I was a terror to my step dad when dating my mom but he handled it well and loved us.
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Just stop Introducing her. How many men has she been introduced to? That may be your mistake. Just don’t. Until you build a bond w someone seriously enough that he’ll stand by you through a pre-teens games, he doesn’t need Introduction.
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Listen, forget all the people telling you to not bring men home.
OBVIOUSLY you don’t want to bring random home but you said “when it starts to get serious” so I’m assuming it’s been after some time.
So, here’s the thing.
You gotta talk to the boyfriend. Let him know how your daughter reacts to you having a relationship. Make sure he’s completely aware.
Then, IF he’s the right one, he will deal with it. You gotta be up front about these things.
Get your daughter into counseling asap. Sounds like in the very least, she’s not coping well with the breakup.
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Your daughter comes first! Absolutely no matter what, she comes first! No questions asked.
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Don’t bring them into her territory to meet her. Go to dinner at Dave and busters or do a fun event.
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