My daughter scares away anyone that I bring home: Advice?

Why don’t you all 3 go on a date and allow her a chance to know him. Explain to her you come as a package and your not going anywhere.If he is worthy of coming home with you maybe he should talk to her to and assure her he isn’t taking her mom away from her.

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You gotta figure out where this is coming from from HER mouth, not what you speculate.

I hated every single last one of my mom’s boyfriend’s. Mom thought it was my daddy issues. I thought maybe she was right. I’m about to turn 32 now though, and a few years ago I really thought about it and y’know what? They were all complete and total losers, and little me knew it. The only one worth a shit was my ex step dad, and even he was a loser.

It could be the break up. It could also be though that you are not bringing home men that fit into the family, and she knows it. :person_shrugging:t2:

She’s scared. She’s scared that you are going to get hurt again and she’s also scared that this new person will try to replace her real dad, and at 13 she doesn’t understand the deep emotions and connections. She’s also scared of you loving someone else other than her dad or her. I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her and let her know that you will always be there for her no matter what but that your divorce/separation from her dad wasn’t your fault and that her dad will always be there (as long as he is in her life). Let her know that she is 13 and cannot decrey what happens in your life but that you will be a little bit more sensitive to her emotions and feelings in the matter. Then as others have said, don’t introduce a new man to her until you are absolutely 130% certain that he is the next one for you (and make him aware of your daughter and what she is doing).

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You sent her to counseling but have you tried family counseling? Meaning you and her together?

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My daughter did the same. It didn’t work when the right man came along :wink:

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If your date can put up with the worst, he can deal with the best

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I would slam the door in their face or interrogate the dude …i would even pick fights with my mom or older bro. I’ve never seen my mom date but I didn’t understand dating scene anyways. I also never saw my parents together soooo …idk where my issue came from just that i was jealous of being forgotten

Umm if a thirteen year old girl can scare them off that easily, they have no business being in your or her life anyway. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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If you find a real man, that shit won’t scare him off.

She isn’t ready for you to date and she is afraid they will take up your time

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Crystal Lee-ann Vogler

It’s not jealousy. Shes afraid you’re trying to replace her dad and she doesn’t like it.

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Also adding to my other comment you can try taking things away if all else fails and you’ve waited 6-12 months before introducing them you’ve gotten her to open up to you or someone else and done what makes her feel comfortable and she is still acting out time to start taking things away and telling her if your not mature enough to be well behaved in front of company then start with her phone and other things one by one ways to help her open up go do something together that you both love whether that’s going to get your nails done or window shopping or a theme park a bike ride or car ride listening to music whatever your fav things are go do that then before you get home say listen I was hoping I could talk to you about something I know you have feelings about me dating and I want you to know I value your opinion and your entitled to your feelings I want to validate that so can we talk about that are you worried that they will move in , take away from our time together , replace your dad and keep guessing till she is willing to talk and if she doesn’t open up just then that’s ok to let her know that but let her know your going to try talking about this again .

I would stop bringing them home till they understood her actions. Try and keep your dating life separate from home till the time feels right and the guy isn’t scared off by a 13 year old teen who has billions of feelings at once when something happens. It’s her life too that changes when something in the house hold changes. Talk with her more and get her to open up. Take her out on mom & daughter dates so she doesn’t feel she’s losing your attention or affection. And any dude who is scared off by a teen is a wuss anyway.

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She’s not ready. You’ll be fine alone until she’s grown

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Instead of having your dates pick you up at your home, meet them instead. Until you feel like you’ve found the one that might be more and then allow them to meet.

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You bring multiple men around your daughter but you think SHES the problem?

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First of all: keep her in therapy. She is obviously struggling.

Secondly: stop bringing so many men home. Wait a few months until it gets serious, then introduce them.

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Well aside from the obvious talking to her on her level, or even some counseling, why not date him in private until you get to know him well enough to meet your daughter but let him know how she behaves before you bring him around so maybe he’s not scared away and he understands that she’s having a hard time adjusting to a new father figure in the home

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How long before you bring them home? Maybe wait 6-12 months before bringing them around. And before taking them straight to your place, start off by going on a short ice cream run or something 1st, all 3 of you, slowly extend he time together so she gets to know him and know he’s not a threat. I’d only bring someone who I am very serious with, and who knows what they’re facing, and still chooses to support you and accept your daughter. She’s probably afraid of being replaced or forgotten.

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Stop bringing random men around :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

Maybe you need to just focus on her for a bit.

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Stop bringing them to the house. There’s no reason this should happen repeatedly. She’s not ready nor should she have to meet everyone you date. Her actions however would still have consequences as they’re just nasty.

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Not every man you date needs to meet your child. And the one that is meant for yall will not run with her actions but make her feel safe.

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Stop bringing men home.
She is at the age where men will wow you so they can get to your daughter to molest or rape her.

Act the same way when she brings a boyfriend home or try being a parent instead of a friend.

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Oh easy fix. She wants you to not date, she needs to spend ALL her time with you. I mean she isn’t in school or asleep, she needs to be glued to your hip. You need to be all up in everything she does. She will decide your having a life isn’t the worst thing.

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How about stop bringing guys home? :woman_shrugging:

Why would you even bring anyone around your child unless you’re very serious about them?

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Sit her down and talk about how it makes you feel. Also she’s 13, wait maybe a year before you introduce her to them some men are sick.

Maybe stop bringing men home :woman_shrugging:

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Firstly does the ex have person in his life?

Stop bringing them to the house till serious serious…

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She wants ALL your attention. She is afraid your gonna love the “guy” more then you love her. So what she is doing is scaring them off so she has you to herself. She doesn’t care if you “want to be happy” with a guy! To her SHE should be all you need for happiness.

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There’s a lot of things going on in a teenagers world… support and emotional involvement should be your top propriety…
you should be building the bond with her, before building a bond with someone else…
Remember , she’s watching you and how you date and treat your relationships… be the best example she sees…
Not every single person you meet should be introduced… and when you do become serious about the one! , maybe have her involved in planning the evening out …
but truly, I think you are far from that point… both of you…

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Don’t bring them home until you’re sure SHE is comfortable and ready to meet them. You can’t force her to be accepting of new people in her life.

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Stop bringing random men under your 13 year old daughter!!! And prior to you bringing them around once y’all are serious have that conversation with her. Don’t assume she wants to meet every guy you think is serious

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She needs a taste of her own medicine so next time she brings a friend home give a good show.

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She is probably worried
A guy will take away your attention from her

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She’s probably testing them to see if she think they are good enough for you. I was this way with my mom. Believe it or not kids are protective of their parents just as much as we our with them.

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Maybe after a year bring them home

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Stop bringing men home

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Don’t rush it. Your daughter needs you, not your current bf.

My daughter had a hard time with me dating when she was around 10. I decided to not date until she was 18 and ready for me to date.
We did our own thing and I saw guys as “friends” for my needs.
I even walked away from one guy I fell head over heels for the moment we first spoke.

When my daughter was 17 and a half he and I started talking just randomly and we are now in a wonderful fulfilling relationship. My daughter is extremely happy with who I’m dating and enjoying having a “dad” figure in her life.

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Here’s what is going on. It has been just you and your 13 year old daughter for 5 years. She is scared if someone comes into the picture she loses you to some extent and it won’t be the same again. Your going to have to talk to her and explain that nothings going to change between you two. She is 13 and she wants to be treated as an adult so sit her down and be that friend and parent in one. Explain that y’all will still have the life you have now just with a bonus person. That’s just more love, more income and more time to spend together as a whole and that means more activities and trips as well. Ask her how she feels about it and what she thinks. They want you to talk to them. So do just that. I am sure you will come to an agreement. Don’t argue. Be understanding. Let her explain to you how she feels about someone else coming into the picture after explaining about what life is going to be like with her mother happy.

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So… how many times has this happened??? Maybe take a break from trying :sweat_smile:

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Don’t take them home.

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Ok so hear my story.

I also was that teenager. Many moons ago. And it drove my dad nuts. He actually stopped dating. He worked on himself and hung out with me and my sister and 17 years later he got a letter in the mail from an old flame. And yo that rekindled immmmediatley!!! He has truly never been happier and it’s a beautiful thing. Idk, I just wanted to share that story. Do whatever feels good to youuu!

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tell your dates to expect this behaviour, when she doesn’t get a reaction she might stop

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How about focus on your daughter instead of random men.

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Maybe you just need to have a deep heart to heart w her. If she continues doing this, take something she likes away from her for a few days. There needs to be sum consequences for her rude actions. Good luck!

Don’t bring them home… she shouldn’t have to go through a revolving door of different men too. She’s just a kid. She doesn’t deserve that. Go out with them. Go to their place or get a room.

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Sounds like she is testing them if they’ll stay or just leave. Her dad left when she was 8 years old… That’d be devastating to her and she wouldn’t understand why he left… Now she is testing others to see if they’ll love her aswell no matter what she does or if they’ll just leave.

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Leslie Krych right on

Involve her in the process of choosing. She’s old enough to understand online dating safety. Make it clear to any potential partner that she’s a part of the deal. They date her too— as that ensures she can get to know them and you can see the character of the person you’re dating from the start. A real man won’t run from a child with some trauma.

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My son (11) doesn’t want me to date, even though his dad left, moved 12 hours away, lives with a woman and her children. That doesn’t bother him. He flat out told me it was bc he isn’t with them much. However, I have only dated or tried to date 1 person since. You mentioned everytime you bring a man home, I would definitely say date, don’t bring them home.

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Wow some of these comments. She’s been on her own 5 years and I doubt she’s had many men coming around in that time. If she wants to date and bring men home that’s her business. She’s asked for help with her daughter not the men. Maybe your daughter is jealous of the men and wants all your attention on her. I’d sit her down and talk it out with her and make sure she knows that you’d like to date someone serious and be happy but what she’s doing is making you sad as that’s not how she normally behaves. Maybe also leave it a good while before you bring him home and tell him what your daughter does and not to react to her. She just doesn’t want change in her life or to share you but she’s old enough to understand it all. Good luck.

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I mean, has it been a lot of men?? Maybe that’s the problem…:woman_shrugging:t3:

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She should be continually seeing a therapist. One she has built a repoire with

You should not bring every man you are getting to know to your house , neither they need to meet your daughter unless you guys are extremely serious…. Yes , she is mostly jealous and scare of loosing you over a boyfriend, just reassure her that nobody will ever take her place on your life.
If you ever get serious with a guy , introduce her slowly, not at your place , you can meet in a restaurant or in a movie theater

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Listen if a man walks bc of those reasons he was trash to begin with! Thank your daughter and keep on trying to find someone who will love you for who you are and love her for who she is! If he can’t except your daughter even at her worst then he is not for you and you should be happy he is gone!

Explain to them before hand. That you’re child is jealous and is up to no good. Maaaan I was the same. For years :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Just tell her you deserve to have someone special in your life. But you will always be mom and always be there for you.

Bring them home when she visiting her dad

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When I started dating after my boys dad and I broke up. They were not home the weekends boyfriend was over. But the guy I was dating would always ask them if he could come over and see there mom. We had sleep overs with his little brother. Boys were the same age. Pizza and game nights.
Have the guy who you like do something special for her as well. Don’t have to be a big deal a book she likes or her favorite take out. Anything to make her feel special. But most of all remind her your the mom she is the child. Respect you first and foremost. Don’t wait until she is comfortable with you dating. Lay down the ground rules. My son’s loved the boyfriend almost as much as mom did. Now they are older and I don’t tell them who to date. She should respect your decision.

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Been there. Kids are frigging brats!! Good luck… sigh

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Does she see her dad at all? Maybe she feels abandoned by him and doesn’t want it to happen again so she’s testing them. I would not bring a guy home until after you have been dating him a long while and know it’s potentially going to be serious. The revolving door of men will make things worse on her.

Tbh so glad my mum didn’t try and do this, she was alone for 20 years to make sure she could give us everything she could and we never had to go through this stuff. Honestly I would suggest looking up the statistics, she has all the reasons to be scared of any and all men you bring home, cause it increases her chance of being sexually abused or neglected. Don’t introduce them of your not 10000% serious about the dude.

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The right guy will stay around and try to understand and will be able to pick out what the lies may be

Been there be careful. Bc it could get worse and next thing you know you have cps knocking on your door. Personally I’d let her know you’re the adult you’re in charge and if she wants to act that way then every extra she has will be taken. If shes not going to let you have the privilege of having a life then dont let her have phone, tv, hanging out with friends etc etc. Pretty soon shes going to want to start dating. Does she want you to burp and fart and wipe boogers all over and tell them she lives nasty?

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Sounds like she needs more therapy. Not sure about her relationship with her dad, but she may subconsciously be afraid that any father figure she got close to would do like dad did. And a lot of kids whose parents divorce want them back together. I’m wondering if she also thinks it is her fault dad left. New therapist time, and it’s not something that will be done quickly. Meanwhile, don’t bring anyone home, even though it’s become serious - not until this is dealt with.

Please don’t bring man in to your home. Don’t blame them sorry

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Get a babysitter and spend more time out and leave her at home. Tell her until her behavior behaves that’s your only alternative. Therapy, also

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id warn your date before hand tell him to ignore her she will soon get tired take her ph away for a while every time dam kids think they can rule everything

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There’s absolutely nothing you can do :rofl::rofl:stop bringing men home!!! It may make her feel unwanted or it could just be odd to her, you can date and have guy friends when she’s at dad’s or friends

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kudos to you for acknowledging what your daughter’s doing - I walked away from a 4-year relationship because the ‘tween’ daughter was out of control and the lady refused to acknowledge it - wish I had advice for you about what to do but sadly, I don’t - good luck though

She isn’t ready to meet any partner of yours obviously. Keep your relationship outside of your home and her safe place for a few more years.

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how many men have you brought home

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She can respect you or go live with her father

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If that scares them away, imagine how quick they would run if something serious happens?

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When the right man comes a long, he will understand and be patient with your daughter. In the meantime…. don’t bring a man into her space. Go to his house :slightly_smiling_face:

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Does she continue to see therapy or just one visit

How about including her in activities, that all 3 of you can enjoy? The relationship between her and your partner needs to develop and trust needs to be built first.

Tell her when your 18 feel free to head out,

“when ever you bring someone home” how many men have you introduced her too. That sentence was a red flag and an answer to your question. Not being harsh just truthful

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Sounds like shes trying to scare them away bc shes afraid she will get attached and then they will leave. She needs to stay in therapy, she may have underlying issues also

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Id talk to her and say listen I need to know why you feel this way and why you are acting this way. Explain to her that you and her dad aren’t getting back together if its appropriate to say why then do it. My daughter is 9 and qe did that with her when she was 7 and she hated my bf now they are the best friends and she says he’s the beat step-dad ever

The right guy will be the one that doesn’t get scared away from your daughter. Your Daughter is doing it as a test to see how the guys would react

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My daughter runs them away too. She’s getting better but it’s been hard.

Just reading these comments are absolutely RIDICULOUS!! What a bunch of rude, judgemental people! You all have NO clue how many “Men” she has been around! If she’s acting like a brat, she needs to be in trouble! Her mother deserves to have her own adult life outside of being a mother! Mothers are human too! She said it’s been 5 years, obviously she’s waited quite awhile to start over!! I say I would personally get her into some type of therapy and see what the root of this is and go from there. If it doesn’t change, then I’d start taking things away one by one until she realizes what she is doing is wrong. There is a happy medium here, it’s just finding it. Maybe it will look different for yall then others and that’s OK. Good luck mama, prayers for the both of you

How long are you dating them for before you’re bringing them home? Maybe keep the relationship discreet until it’s more established. It could be that she doesn’t want to share you with anyone else. If she’s driving them away with boogers and farts, than they’re probably not the right guy anyway. The right guy will put the effort in to make a connection with her regardless of that. She’s a kid, if she’s acting out, than there is a reason behind it. Focus less on dating for the time being and reconnect with her. She may even open up and tell you why she does those things. She most likely needs reassurance that she’ll always be your first priority.

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Dont bring anyone to your home, obviously she acting out because SHE is not ready to see HER MOM moving on with someone eles/whos not her dad, Sooooooo, stop bringing strange men (2 her) into your childs home/safe space and expecting her to be ok with it when clearly you alreaady know this is an issue from the 2 men you brought home b4 this 1! You do You =outside of the home. Im telling you, the more you keep bringing men home, the more u are going to push yoyr daughter away from you and before you know it she’s gonna be 18 or 19 years old, moving out & not wanting anything to do with you. Your the adult , shes still a chikd at 13. These are very important yrs for both of you and they will FLY BY, look how fast 13yrs went…always put her b4 any man & please be careful how you handle this one, youll never get these years back with your kids & sayin sorry years later sometimes just dont cut to a grown up kid who feels like their mama choose a man over them.

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Stop dating for now and focus on your daughters needs? Maybe try family counseling. I’m sure you can be happy without a man.

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She’s not ready to meet anyone, maybe don’t bring anyone around her? 13 is a very tough age and they do everything and anything to get your attention except talk to you.

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You’re daughter first your partner second. Thoes who mind don’t matter and thoes who matter don’t mind. Priorities lady.

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Maybe she has abandonment issues and is scared to get too close to another Male. Sit down and have a calm talk with your daughter and simply ask her why and what’s going on. Explain you aren’t mad but are curious as to what is happening and what you both can do to make this work for the two of you.

I don’t scare easy…give me a try,Please…

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Are you telling her about who your dating? Showing pictures & trying to get her opinion before meeting? (On a serious note how are men in this group)

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First off man or not my kid will be scrubbing walls if ever caught wiping buggers on them. Foul behavior. She needs to be punished for that type of behavior. Counseling for sure. And if a man is tan off by that then we’ll she’s doing you a favor

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Interesting. I’d have a sit down with your ex. And then all 3 need to see the therapist. Keep men away from her. She’s not ready. Even grown children can ruin relationships. It happened to me years ago. She was 21 and told her dad she was used to seeing him with her mom. The mom remarried within a year. But it wasn’t ok for him.

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She’s THIRTEEN. Discipline her, lay down the law, explain to potential serious bf’s your teen is an ass who isn’t ok with you dating just yet but she’s too old to put dating off for and do you.