My daughter walked in on my husband and I doing the deed: What do I say to her?

that parent group (with Cath Hakanson) is a great resource on how to talk to little ones about this stuff

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Little excessive to beat yourself up over your kid seeing something completely natural and normal. Donā€™t make a big deal out of it and answer any questions she has honestly (age appropriately also) and maybe explain knocking before entering your room too.

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Gurlā€¦ everyone of my kids have walked in on me. Leave it alone. She will come to you with questions. Just be honest. And donā€™t feel guilty. That will make her think itā€™s something wrong. And donā€™t be mad at you or your husband. Itā€™s love between you. And letā€™s be honest here. It keeps you sane. Itā€™s okay to show love. ( next time double check your locks lol)

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Explain to her that if the door is closed that she needs to knock before entering.

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You have already explained to her now Iā€™d just leave it and not make a big deal over it
Sheā€™s 7 sheā€™s got better things to do sheā€™s probably already forgotten about it .
You did the right thing followed her told her daddy wasnā€™t hurting you you explained situation Iā€™d say leave it now as more info at this age is adult stuff not 7 year old stuff :slightly_smiling_face:
Happens to most of us lol

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I am so tired I thought this said my daughter walked in on HER husband and I doing the deed. :sweat_smile:

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Time for a light version of the sex talk. Being too vague about it might make things worse if it looked like he was hurting you and you explained it as thatā€™s what people in love do.

It depends what she saw to be honest.
If it was a kinky session and she saw more than naked bodies having sex

  • yeah a little more in depth explaining may be needed.
    If it was just naked bodies then a mother daughter chat about sex & relationships without massive details is the way to go.
    It happens to almost Every parent at some stage, so donā€™t beat yourself up too much.
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Donā€™t worry. Thatā€™s so common. Just donā€™t stress over that

Let it goā€¦part of growing upšŸ¤£kids know more than we thinkā€¦and donā€™t feel bad sure your not the first an wonā€™t be the last muma to have this happenāœŒ

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Just be honest and leave it alone. Its no big deal

have youā€™r husband talk to her as well itā€™s part of life but just so she understands and is not scared of her father thinking he was hurting you

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Calm downā€¦ You handled it well. Just let it go n wait for questions. Remember, u r humanā€¦

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I walked in on my.parents as a child. They didnt really say anything, Iā€™m not scarred for life and have forgotten until this post.

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Oh honey weā€™ve all been caught one way or another. My daughter is now 18 and still if she were to bring up when she heard her dad and I I get embarrassed. Personally I wouldnā€™t say to much. Maybe just talk about it if she wants to.

Happened to me when I was younger. I just never walked into my parents room univited again lol. I think she will be okay. Youā€™ll just get a little more privacy.

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Got to let it goā€¦only address it now if she brings it up again. And double check the locks from now onšŸ˜‰
My mother-in-law walked in on my husband and I while we were on our family vacation, thru a shared bathroom once, we DID LOCK THE DOOR AND TRIED TO LOCK THAT ONE TOOā€¦thank God we happened to be under the covers, or she wouldā€™ve been to red to go back out with the familyšŸ¤£

Okay so first of all, you made it weird. You are even weirding me out leave that poor baby alone you dont need to say anything else other than please knock

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Thereā€™s no explanation needed unless she asking

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Explain that youā€™re both consensual adults. This is a good time for the consent convo with your kiddos as well as body safety (weā€™re okay because weā€™re adults and love each other. But not ok for kids and stop means stop/no means no).

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Do not feel bad. You guys still love each other and itā€™s beautiful. I wouldnā€™t try to over explain it. It sounds like you did what you should have. I would say just be prepared for follow up questions she might have.

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Dont make a big deal of it let it go.
Itā€™s natural and believe me my kids have Walked in a few times too.
No one died, move on

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Let it go. By trying to talk to her again and her dad talk to herā€¦its just embarrassing for her. I know you feel bad but trust me sheā€™s embarrassed as well. Just drop it unless she askes one of you about it. They know more than you think and they bounce back. If anything, it will give her cause to pause before walking in rooms that are not hers or public.

What you said was perfect. I havenā€™t had this happen yet, but Iā€™d explain it the same way. Itā€™s common and normal.

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Your worrying way to much!! If she doesnā€™t re speak about it then donā€™t bring it up or make things awkward. She will notice change of environment and will think itā€™s not normal, when it completely is. Just tell her to knock and wait in future.

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Let it go if sheā€™s that curious sheā€™ll ask questions. Lol

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I feel you handled it well. Iā€™m sure alot of us would react in the same way. Maybe do a girls night. Paint each other nails and watch a movie. Sneak in a mom talk of ā€œhoney you know you can come to me if you have any questions, and that she wonā€™t be judged for asking anything she may feel is sillyā€ leave it open donā€™t bring up the situation. Maybe she will talk or when sheā€™s ready she knows she can come to you.

Unless she comes and has more questions I think you explained it the best you can while youā€™re embarrassed.

well now she will tell the school mommy and daddy have sex then the school calls dss and from there your fucked

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Youā€™re good. Trust us all when we say youā€™re good. It happens. My kids walked in on us. Itā€™s embarrassing but it happens. Youā€™re not a bad mother nor is he a bad father. if they ask questions explain to them that mommy and daddy love each other.

" go away dadā€™s busy"

Let it goā€¦our middle son now 27 walked in twiceā€¦once we didnā€™t notice he was so quiet (like 5) until I happened to look at the end of the bed. He looked super confused. I just took him back to bed (bad dream). Next day I called my pediatricians office, she laughed, I was mortified, she laughed again and said donā€™t worry he wonā€™t need therapy. We never talked about it again until he was like 17 talking with his friends I heard him say "ewww man when I was alittle kid I walked in on my Mom and Dadā€¦I asked Chad (older brother who was 8) what they were doing and he said eh, who knows their weird. LoLā€¦he is fine BTWā€¦no therapy LOL

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Vaseline on the door knob works great lol

Be honest always the best bet

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Whelp- looks like your gonna have to give her a brother or sister now!
ā€˜Special cuddles being what mummy and daddy had- is only done to bring about a new sibling. So wait 9 mths and we will give you a baby siblingā€™ lol

Maybe just tell them to that they need to start knocking on the door if they need anything during the night

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ā€œDaddy was knocking mommyā€™s boots, honeyā€

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Tell her to KNOCK BEFORE ENTER ING!!! ( say it STERNLY) then leave it alone!! If she has questions sheā€™ll ask!!

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Least sheā€™ll know to knock in future lol. It happens to us all and many of us have walked in on our parents.
Sheā€™ll get over it donā€™t worry x

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My son caught us when he was 7, I told him when 2 people love each other they somtimes have naked cuddles, next thing I know heā€™d told both his nanaā€™s that heā€™d seen us having naked cuddles, they obviously thought it was hilarious :rofl:, heā€™s 13 now and heā€™s never let us forget it :see_no_evil::rofl: xx

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When my daughter walked in on my then husband she asked what we were doing we were making love typical little kis said i want some lovin to we just laughed and nothing more was said until she asked when older

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I think you should stop giving yourself a hard time over this. Itā€™s life, sheā€™ll grow up. You havenā€™t scarred her, it will blow over. Youā€™ve explained. Leave it at that.

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This is actually pretty common most kids catch there parents doing the deed my son unlocked my door with a butter knife :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

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I remember walking in on my parents, definitely disturbing, but sheā€™ll be alright. It happens to many parents

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughter walked in on my husband and I doing the deed: What do I say to her? - Mamas Uncut

My daughter walked in on us and she asked why is daddy laying on top of youā€¦ I told her that daddy was giving her mommy a great big hug. All she said was ok and walked outā€¦
So see donā€™t beat yourself up we all have different answers for our childrenā€¦

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Make it scientific! This is a perfect time to teach about anatomy and consentšŸ’–

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My 3 year old walked on my husband and I. She thought daddy was hurting mommy. We told her daddy wasnā€™t, he was giving mommy a back massage. She was like okay and went back to bed. My 6 year old has walked in on us once but he never asked what we were doing. He looked and walked right back out. We thought they were napping or in bed for the night. Things happen. What you said was perfect. She might not even remember.

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Your favourite holiday activity. :+1::heart::slightly_smiling_face:

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I think you made the right choice in being honest with her.
It happens. It doesnā€™t make you a horrible mom.
Point out that when a door is closed that she knocks first.

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Donā€™t make it a big dealā€¦ or sheā€™ll get the wrong idea. You did good ā€¦move on .
unless she ask you questions. Never lie!

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Itā€™s happened at least once to all parents! And sheā€™s only 7 she wonā€™t even remember(I donā€™t think!lol) by the time she is older!! Donā€™t beat yourself up!

U said the rite thing, teach her when u see closed door to knock on it first

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I am by no means a girl mom but if I was I wouldnā€™t think to much into it if she wasnā€™t. Like if she isnā€™t asking questions then I wouldnā€™t say anything about it. Although I think what you have said is good enough.

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Really ??..ā€¦ she will survive. General manners will remedy that. Knocking on closed doors will keep her from walking in on anyone anywhere at any home in future.

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This happened to me also. Please donā€™t feel that way. Iā€™m sure we arenā€™t the only ones lol

This has happened to a bunch of parents. Really teaches you to not only lock your door but put a bolt on it too!

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Step 1 buy better lock
Step 2 be truthful

We thought we locked our door one day and our almost 7 yr old daughter opened the door. I was riding my husband, we threw the blanket over us and told her to go back to her room weā€™d be out in a minute. She was only upset about it all cause she wanted to give her daddy a hug. She hasnā€™t said or asked anything about it.

I would teach her to knock on the door before coming into your room whether it was locked or not she should have knocked

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What does this have to do with this page being my favorite holiday? No one cares about your personal life or what your daughter walked into. So ridiculous.

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It happens !!! It sucks. But it happens! Give her space and time. She will be ok

I think most of us walked in on our parents at one time or another, probably several timesā€¦ no scars, no real memory of it eitherā€¦ If you make a big deal of it then you will (pardon the pun) embed it into her memoryā€¦ Least said, soonest mendedšŸ˜Š

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughter walked in on my husband and I doing the deed: What do I say to her? - Mamas Uncut

I would ask her if she had any questions, youā€™ve done everything else you could do.

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I think you did amazing!

Our 7 year old asked us why we were dancing nakedā€¦ that was hard to explain.

Kids will be kids ā€¦ Iā€™m sure you remember running in on your parents at some point.

One of those unfortunate hiccups of growing up / parenting.

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Dont worry your a great mama. Sooner or later she was going to find.out its life. She just found out life sooner. Its ok life happens

You told her, so just move on and donā€™t remind her of it anymore.

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Well considering the fact that sheā€™s 7 and thereā€™s a good many 8 yr olds that get periods esp if sheā€™s advanced for her age and smart like my girls are,hell Iā€™d give her the sex talk.I donā€™t really see why you shouldnā€™t.Iā€™m trying to explain it to mine and they are 5 and 7 but Iā€™m moving soon so Iā€™m waiting until then when we all 4 arenā€™t in the same room in his parents living room anymore to explain it to them so itā€™s not so awkward if they do happen to ever walk in on us.which they havenā€™t yet luckily.Iā€™d explain the basics,not like picture for picture so to say,but def the big picture atleast.we donā€™t do anything in front of them or when their awake,but itā€™s def something the sooner they know about the better.

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Tell her to knock before she opens the door next time. Also put a big sign on your door at night.

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It happens, you let her know that thatā€™s what adults do when they love each other and he wasnā€™t hurting you, the best thing to do now is just move on

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Ask her if she has questions, then leave it be you explained it. Sheā€™s not traumatized, she will be fine

You in my opinion explained it well. I would not bring it up any further and remind hubby to lock door and do the safety pull to make sure it latches

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You are absolutely not the worst mom ever and trust me it happens to people all of the. My now adult daughter walked in our her dad and I when she was 9. My youngest picked our bedroom lock and caught us going at it. Then a year or so later my middle son walked into the our bathroom and then walked right back out when he figured out what was was going on.

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Deff teach to knock before entering.

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You said what most mind would say to a 7 year old great leave it at that if she has further ? Answer them she appropriate.lik you just did .

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This woman is great at explaining stuff like this!!! Donā€™t be ashamed or embarrassed!!! Sex is 100% normal and okay and natural and great and kids should know about it (explained at their levels of understanding) but it isnā€™t taboo or something that should be taught is naughty or to be ashamed of.

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Some 7 year olds already know from movies and friends at school (unfortunately) but seeing it in person feels so different. I walked in on my sister and her ex boyfriend when I was a kid and I still randomly get the image in my head and makes my anxiety act up even though Iā€™m an adult and obviously know what it is. Best thing to do is apologize and answer any curios questions she might have.

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IMO just donā€™t make it a big thing. When two adults love each other they have sex, but itā€™s supposed to be private just between them so weā€™re sorry we forgot to lock the door. Might be a good time to also discuss the importance of respecting privacy and knocking on closed doors before entering. Then just move on like itā€™s nothing unless she has questions. Itā€™s only a big deal if you make it a big deal. Sex is normal and healthy for adults, no need to make your child believe otherwise.

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Donā€™t act like you did something wrong Anddont makeher feel she did something wrong tell her thatā€™s yours and daddyā€™s private time and if the door is closed do not come in.tell her thatā€™s the way married mommy and daddyā€™s show love to each other

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Lock your blo*dy door in future!

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Donā€™t be so hard on yourself. Itā€™s happened to the best of us. If she has any questions, just answer them as simply as possible and donā€™t make a fuss. All these people judging you saying ā€œteach her to knockā€ or "you should of made sure the door was locked " well, we arenā€™t perfect! Sheā€™ll be fine. Continue showing love and affection to your husband ā€œnot in the bedroom though :wink:ā€ so she sees everything is okay between you guys.

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My kids have caught me and my husband many times lol they are 9 and 7 we ended up having to have the talk. It will be ok mamaā¤

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Teach her to always knock first!!!

Locks and knocks. They are key. Itā€™s a rule in our house. I also tell them that we like to spend time alone, but weā€™ve never had a problem with this, yet. I think it happens a lot though.

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it is no biggie at all. She may not be upset because of what she saw per we.
It could be she is confused why you have your own separate time that doesnā€™t include her? Who knows. Just keep the dialogue going with your daughter.

tell her she is always welcome to come into your bedroom, but if the door is shut she has to knock first & wait for you or her dad to say come in, And tell her you will also do the same for her when her door is closed. Now if she does say what were you two doing, & only if she asks, say you were loving each other & that is what grown ups do when they are married. Now if she wants more details, then go further. But as a adult, she should have always been prepared for this.

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Why do you need to explain? Itā€™s not going to scar her for life. Iā€™m 100% certain every child has seen things they shouldnā€™t have. What she will learn is, not to walk in on you. Knock and wait, itā€™s not exactly a bad way to learn as sheā€™ll never do it again.

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Oh Girl! Donā€™t hate yourself or your husband.
She wonā€™t be the first or the last to have her little eyes scarred

:heart:hang in there.

It seems to me you are a great mother for caring this muchā€‹:heart::blue_heart::unicorn:

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Maybe now it a good time to talk about the importance of knocking. Donā€™t beat yourself up. Things happen. Sheā€™s not going to be traumatized

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All 5 of my siblings and I have walked in on my parents. I donā€™t think they even knew as we would quickly retreat. It happens and itā€™s part of life. While weā€™ve all been embarrassed, it didnā€™t traumatized any of us

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Well I see we have at least 30 helpful comments so here comes mineā€¦ When I was 6 I walked upstairs and saw my parents doing something I was trying to look but after a while my instinct was like ew I shouldnā€™t look :see_no_evil: I didnt see nothing just stuff going on under a blanket. Im fine. They didnā€™t say nothing to me. My question as a mom for you is what kinda wild sex were you having she got upset :joy: Well youā€™re supposed to be asleep sweetheart stay in bed and you wonā€™t see mommy getting it like she likes :sob::joy: Next time yell for me like you always do :joy::sob::joy: I think explaining it more is worse. Tell her she canā€™t come in the room she has to knock. Unless you never want to have sex again.

Apparently I did this to my parents but they were under a blanket and I jumped on my dads back lmao I donā€™t remember it at all. You did the right thing. I would have a follow up conversation later if sheā€™s still acting weird in a few days

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Thereā€™s a 100% chance youā€™re making this a bigger deal then she is. She may have already brushed it off. Iā€™d act like nothing even happened unless she starts questioning you.

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Just be honest like you did. Tell her when your door is closed it is your private time. I walked in on my parents. I felt weird for a bit, more like embarrassed but got over it. Donā€™t stress or you will make it seem like you did something wrong when you did not

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For her to be upset i feel like she knows something and anything she thinks she knows should come from you and not tv or other means. Try to be intimate when your kids are asleep. Donā€™t be intimate unless you know for sure your door is locked and teach your kids to knock first. šŸ¤· as fae as the talkā€¦ Heck idc lol

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ā€¦ :man_facepalming: so many inappropriate but funny (to me) responsesā€¦

My step dad TO THIS VERY DAY calls me the king of cockblock.

I mean real note: at least its a husband, hopefully the marriage is a lasting and loving one, like at least a kid didnā€™t walk in to a swingers event or saw mommy with 3 different people! Just explain it without the genitalia, only feelings and the purpose! Thatā€™s how I really approached this the one time it happened to me.

It happens. I walked in on my parents like 4 times,
Iā€™m not scarred and donā€™t even remember what I saw. Sheā€™ll be fine

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Itā€™s just sex. Why be upset or embarrassed? Explain that itā€™s sex, thatā€™s how she was created, that is a naturaly thing that humans do together and by themselves.

The more embarrassed everyone is, the less likely it will be brought up if something happens. The stigma that ā€œonly people who live each otherā€ do that creates a fear in trauma situations where the child canā€™t tell bc theyā€™ve done something dirty/wrong.

Thatā€™s how she became to exist?

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