Alright, so I’m looking for just advice, I guess. No negativity, only positive vibes here. But my daughter is 9. Her “dad” has NEVER been in the picture. I was 16 & 2 months pregnant when I told him I was pregnant, to which he said he wanted nothing to do with either of us. Fine whatever. I was moved on. I never went after him for child support because, during our relationship, he started to get bad into drugs… but Like I said never been in the picture, and I have been with two men that she’s wanted to call dad. They were long term relationships. I was married to one of them. So I allowed her to call my now ex-husband’s dad, who is the father of my son. Well, he ended up being toxic and cheated on me, we divorced, and ever since then, he’s been with a female that has told him she didn’t want him around my son or me. So he’s barely been in the picture; he sees his son like a week out of the year. Minimal. But I’ve always allowed him to see his son whenever he asks. He just doesn’t ask. He’s not consistent. But back to my daughter, she has been upset and wondering where her dad is—wondering why her brother has a dad, and she doesn’t. So on and so forth. It breaks my heart. She wants a dad. So… of course, I do a little Facebook stalking, nothing too drastic. But I see enough to know her “dad” is a father to two other kids! So what I’m wondering is, should I actually put in the effort to go after him for like child support? Or… try to get him involved in my daughter’s life? Side note: I’ve not seen or heard from this guy literally in like ten years so… I wouldn’t even know how to approach that situation. Anyway, what do you guys think? Thank you
Don’t go for money. Just keep on doing what you’re doing and let him know that’s she’s asked about him
If its truly about your daughter having a dad… reach out about THAT… if this is about child support… stay gone.
Absolutely. Even if you bank it for her education…
You obviously care about your children very much and as a mom I get that. I wonder though, if this guy truly doesn’t care about his daughter, it might be best not to push things. I don’t know the whole situation, but think about the possibility that meeting her father could end up hurting her more.
I agree with Robin, reach out as a mum to a dad. Tell him his daughter wants to know him,give him some info about her and include a picture of her too. Tell him it’s all about your Daughter and her need to know her dad and where she came from. That’s all you can do. My son’s dad was similar,deserted us whilst still pregnant and sporadically saw his son. 25 years old and saw his dad maybe 25 times! Unfortunately you can’t change someone and if he’s not interested there’s zip you can do. Good luck
Get DNA and make him pay, he is not off the hook
I wou d file for child support for your daughter. I would also explain to your daughter next time she asks very simply what you said here. I would also fond her a male role model , a mentor a big brother big sister, relative or a friend that could be a role model.
Contact him … people do change he may want his younger children to know her also.
Filing for child support, will not improve any relationship. Because people only see red… money money money… that your taking away. I dont think starting off by collecting child support is a way for ur daughter to have a relationship. Message and ask and tell them their daughter is struggling with not having a dad and would like one.
Reach out to him. First and foremost. Please dont blind side him with court papers for child support. Dont allow the relationship your daughter may have be tarnished from the get go with negativity. If he is receptive and wants to be a part of her life great! Allow it as much as you, her, and him are comfortable. Give him a heads up that you will be going for child support so that atleast he has a “verbal” heads up, if you choose to do that. Its hard, but I do think your ultimate goal is to give your daughter the chance to have her dad… good luck.
My daughter will be 12 next week… when she was born, I paid thousands to attorney to make it so he could see her with supervision as he was using drugs and we had a horrible domestic abuse relationship and I was hospitalized when I left him. He had the chance to see her, I even paid the nonrefundable $200 for him to see her. He got high instead. He was in and out of jail. Was ordered support even though I told the state I didn’t want it. After 1 year of me being drug into court every month because he was not doing his part, he lost his visitation rights unless I were to agree. But, he had almost killed me so there was a protective order in place. Then, he came after my daughter and I. By time she was 3 I had successfully terminated his rights. He owes me support until his rights were terminated which is over $20k… I know I won’t see it as he will be in prison until she is an adult and it will not have been his money anyway. My daughter was never told of her “dad”. I was in 2 serious relationships and the last one she personally asked him to be her dad. After 5 years things ended badly. I told her the truth of who her dad was. Didn’t put him down but told her he made bad decisions that lead him to prison. He was due to get out in 3 months but he messed up and got 3 more years. I don’t tell her what he did. But, I do tell her when she is 18, if she wants to meet him, i am happy to help her. She knows who has been there for her. Honestly, if your daughter has gone that long without him, if it could cause her more harm, let it be… she will eventually realize what is going on. Don’t speak foul of the father. But, if you think it could benefit her for him to be around, ask him to meet her. But, dont do it for the support because that relationship will never stick. Wish you the best, that is a hard place to be. In the end… do what is best for the child… not for you and even if the money might help, dont push it for the money. Your child and ex will resent you
Getting child support will be a fight, you’ll have to go to court. Get proof he is the father then maybe get something. If he has a job. All that could take a while, an just piss him off. Work on a relationship first then maybe, see how to go about it. if no relationship. I’d still see about some kind of support from him. You didn’t make that baby by yourself…
If you want to reach out an say your daughter wants to know you, ect.
See what he has to say or if he says anything.
Either they’ll have a relationship or not. If he writes back saying he doesn’t want to know her. Save it. One day you can tell/show your daughter you did what u could to have him in her life but to NO fault of hers. You can’t make someone be a father.
Just make sure she knows if all goes to hell, she is loved an never doubt her self worth. Good luck.
How come grandparents aren’t in picture even though he is a dead beat? Do or did they know?
Does it look like he got his shit together? If it does then maybe je doesn’t know how to approach you or just doesn’t want to so thats a risky one but you won’t know until you ask. If its him not wanting the relationship with your daughter then no reason to tell her anything. I would simply say, i really don’t know where he is. I haven’t seen him for a very long time, before you were born. As she gets older she’ll know what happened and as an adult she’ll decide to look for him herself and then he will have to give her a reason/explanation. But honestly I wouldn’t ask anything from either of them. Do you and your kids. Besides you will have all their love to yourself.
Thats how I see it.
Maybe he wanted to get in touch regarding his daughter but didn’t know how (?) Wonder if he told the mother of his two kids, also…
For you’re lass’ sake, reach out to the dad on the down-low. Suss him out first without your daughter knowing.
Wouldn’t bring up child maintenance £ just now. Hope all goes well.
I really tried so hard to keep my kids father in their life. It retrospect it was not worth it . AT. All !
Don’t file for child support. Reach out to him and see what the situation is…it may or may not be something you want your daughter involved in…bc at this point she will have another family…step mother, step siblings…ARE YOU READY TO DEAL WITH THAT?
I was in this exact same position only I am the daughter. Tell her and get in touch with him please then see how it goes but you have to give her the opportunity to try and form some kind of a relationship with him if you don’t she may end up hating you for keeping him from her. I know there extenuating circumstances but she needs to know.good luck and God Bless.
My son is 14 now and just recently asked about his biological father. I reached out to him and simply put it that his son wants to get to know him. No matter how he reacts you can let your daughter know one way or the other.
You need to tell her in an age appropriate way. 10 years ? He doesn’t want to be there. Keep looking after your daughter the best you can . She will make it as an adult. Makes no sense forcing someone to do what they said they didn’t want to do .
Go thu the child support office
They will file on him
You won’t have to hire a lawyer
He helped get her here
He needs to help support her
She is old enough for the truth but if she still insists on meeting her that is her choice when she is a little older. I have raised my youngest son for 17 years with out his father (who is now in his early 20’s). He has no interest in his father who hasn’t even made an effort in seeing our son. Never speak badly of the father, just that he was a good guy but wasn’t ready for parenthood.
Nooo my 3 daughters father opted out 12 years ago …my solicitor told me " an absent father is less damaging than an inconsistent one " sadly I had to accept that and hes never changed . Better off without, it’s not worth the stress x she will be fine she has you x
If it’s really about her than reach out and tell hin how she’s been wondering about him and see if maybe his interest has changed with age. Give him a chance
You just need to explain to her that it’s not her fault that he’s not around. That it was his choice to leave. I explained to my daughter from a very young age maybe 4 that every family is different cause her father wasn’t around either. I explained the different combinations of family members like a mom & dad, just mom, just dad, 2 moms/dads, just grandparents etc…
I think going after him and forcing a relationship that he never wanted may end up hurting your daughter.
I’d start by maybe sending him a note with a picture of her. Just letting him know what’s going on in her life. Nothing too much. See where that goes. I’d also see if I can get her into some counseling. I think there’s a lot going on. She might need to figure out how deal with all this. It’s like she being rejected multiple times by the male role models in her life. That WILL cause a lot of problems as she goes on in life. It will. Not your fault or anything but that stuff runs deep.
Don’t let her know you are contacting him because you don’t want her rejected twice.
Go slow and see how it it goes.
Contacting him for Child support and contacting him to help your daughter are two separate issues. I’d opt to make contact for your daughter’s sake for now. If you never contacted him for Child Support when she was a baby then why confuse her current curiosity with money now. Im not saying that Child Support isn’t important, but perhaps your daughter’s emotional needs are more important than her financial needs at this time. Like JoAnn MacDonald suggests, keep things low key and unthreatening for now and just suss him out, without your daughter knowing. See if he wants to step forward as a Dad to her. Give him a chance and maybe, who knows, money might follow later, as a separate issue.
Is he the named father on the birth certificate? You will need a court ordered DNA test once you file for support. Be prepared the court will also grant him visitation. Keep in mind if he is married you will stir up a big can of worms with his new wife and other children. Just speaking from experience as my husband and I went through this exact same scenario with a woman who filed for support from my husband when her son was SEVENTEEN.
Absolutely reach out, people can change in ten years. It wouldn’t hurt to ask him about being a part of her life. Don’t tell your daughter you’re going to ask him so that she don’t get her hopes up. She has the right to know who her father is.
Stand tall and deal my dear! Let the male figures in her life (uncle,brother) show her love and you would see,she wouldn’t ask for him. Trust me I know,been there done that!
I used to tell my children to pray that their father learns how to be a dad. That sometimes things in life are out of our control and they did nothing wrong to warrant the absence.
She’s need reassurance and clarity. Give it to her.
Would go for child support but as far as pushing the issue of him being involved …may be a possiblity of disaster. She is 9, where has he been all this time?
All circumstances are differemt maybe talk to him first about it before bringing it up to her bc he just may not want any part and that will tear her world apart if she knew that… Protect her, dont harm her…
Theres nothing u can do. Get child support. I just told my kids their dad wasnt a safe person. He isnt all bad but not ok for kids.
My daughter’s father didn’t want to be a part of her life. I even went after child support and was told they didn’t have enough information to locate him when he lived 15 mins down the rd from me. Years later it was court ordered for them to be introduced through counseling. She now can determine her own feelings about him and not what I have told her about him. Reach out to him see if he has an interest. You can’t force someone to be a part of your child’s life. If he doesn’t want to be then get counseling for your daughter so she does not grow up hating him but has an understanding of why he is the way he is.
Don’t force him to pay, ask him if he’d like to be involved…explain his daughter has asked about him
I agree with Melinda. Furthermore, do a little more research on him & his character to make sure he’s not going to be a negative influence in her life. Maybe your daughter can write a letter to her father which may help to give her a release of the hurt & emotions she’s feeling. My son grew up without his father & yearned for him like your daughter. I get it & hope it all works out for the best whatever you decide to do.
Contact him. Send him some pics of her etc. It’s not about you, or money…it’s his choice. If he’s keen, that’s great. If he’s not interested, then let him know that when she turns 16 (maybe?) she will be given his name and details and can decide to seek him out for herself. Again, HIS choice. If he feels pushed into this he will only break her heart, so let him warm to the idea, tell his new family etc. Slowly, slowly. Your daughter deserves to know that you are protecting her from being hurt, at least until she is more mature to cope with it.
sorry. my head hurt reading the first 5 of what I believe are sentences.
Girl yes go after that child support for both fathers! He may try to see her and if he asks say yes and have supervised visits through the court system.
Unless you want Family Court to ruin your life - remain silent! She thinks she ‘needs’ a man because she sees YOU needing one! Give her an example she can learn from and show her that it doesn’t matter from whence you came, what matters is where you’re going! She was born whole so don’t let her think she must fill any voids created by another!
Leave it be and help your daughter know that she is special no matter if her dad is in her life or not. You must deal with her, not her sperm doner. You cannot make him behave the way you would prefer him to, and I foresee trouble ahead if you try. He was clear with you that he wants no part in your daughters life from the start, believe him.
As far as child support, of course you are entitled to it but after so long living without it, why would you want to stir up that hornets nest now?
Best of luck to you and your it kids, just continue being a great mum to them both to make up for the dead beat dads that they have x
I’d reach out to him and see where he stands people do change… my daughter’s dad wasn’t in her life until she was around 12 and they have an ok relationship now (she’s 18 now) she was mad at him for awhile because he never made an effort and I just has to be there for her. And his family never reached out to me either.
Yes to child support!
Wait did you just ask about child support? Wtf. You haven’t seen him in a decade and you’re the reason she’s been kept away. No, you don’t deserve to go after him for child support. His other kids are not your business. You may want to reach out to see if he’s straight in life now and if so try to reconnect them for her sake. But child support? After all this time why? Don’t let listen to the plethora of greedy ass b***** posting in here. They forget child support isn’t for you, it goes to the CHILD! You’ve made zero effort to allow him in her life and haven’t bothered to try to see if he’s ready, willing, or decent/straight enough to be in her life. Every child needs the different things mothers and fathers bring to the table, but not every mother and father can provide that. Do your research on him first then make the choice that is best for your DAUGHTER and no one else!
Reach out to him on messenger. Get to know him a bit before you contemplate bringing him into your daughters life. make sure there is stability and consistency and honesty and accountability. Get to know his partner a little bit too. If you wouldn’t be friends with them, then don’t put them.in her life.
Remember everyone. There’s two sides to every story. Usually there’s actually 3. Her side, his side (which we don’t have), and the truth somewhere in the middle.
As the daughter that didn’t have her father around… REACH OUT! Try to contact, if he still says he doesn’t want to be apart of her life then I’d drop it but at least try!
It sucks knowing your dad doesn’t want you. It breaks your heart and as a child, your heart shouldn’t be broken
Just try reaching out to him and let him know that his daughter would like to get to know him. Maybe even his parents etc.
Positive vibes - hope he has matured in the last 10 years.
I would only ask for child support if you need it, otherwise try and keep it civil
I am a single mom of 2 kids. 19 yr old daughter & 17 yr old son. I separated from their father 14 yrs ago. He’s never been consistent with his children. Owes $69,000 in child support. He works off the books when he’s not free loading off of other females. My children make their own decisions now but growing up he pretty much gave his rights away for whatever reasons. He ended up getting remarried n having another son. Who he is now divorced from her n does the same thing to that son that he does to my children. I have however kept in touch with his other ex wife, bc we (the ex n i) believe the kids should know eachother. My daughter sees him from time to time. Both of my kids see some of their fathers side of the family. However my son wants NOTHING to do with him. Now I know my kids are older but I’ve always stuck to one rule as I’ve been a single mom raising them alone, my number one rule is NEVER lie to ur children. You tell them little by little as their getting older and asking. Kids are VERY smart n find everything out. You have no reason to lie, u did nothing wrong. U be ur honest self bc that is what u would want her to be with u as she gets older. Truth may hurt her but you’re helping her also. Obviously I don’t me truth as in saying he dont care about u etc. Don’t make him out to be an angel nor the devil. Just explain some people aren’t ready to parent or some people hVe problems that they need help, think outside the box with what u say ya know. BUT always stay honest. They will respect u for that when their older I promise u that. Good luck !
I would make absolutely sure he is not on drugs or around it in anyway for sure, because your poor sweet girl needs a true daddy not a dead beat drug head
Id message him and ask him if he would like to meet his daughter.
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Is he still on drugs? Do you even know? Those other kids probably stirred up something in you but it may not be all peaches and creme over there. All them years and he’s done nothing. I’d send him a message and if he declines then keep it to let your child know u tried and maybe one day he could explain himself to her but if he has money he won’t be taking her kids to school while yours catch the bus if u know what I mean.
In this case I would go for child support. If he hasn’t made an effort to even contact you or his daughter in 10 years or help in any way, he obviously doesn’t care. You’ve been more than fair and forgiving taking care of her for that long and not having any kind of help. You guys were young to be pregnant, but sounds like you were the only one to step up to the plate and take responsibility and he just got to leave and go on with his life…totally unfair. In my case, my father did everything he could to help and see my sister and I, but my mother was one of those bitter women who wanted child support but wouldn’t allow us to see our father, very sad what he must have felt all those years. If your ex really cared for his daughter he would have reached out in some way by now or offered any help he could have.
Thanks for the reminder that men ain’t shit. Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have kids. You just never know if you’ll be abused and abandoned. Of course it’s not all but it’s far too many
Best to just leave it be ::: If he wanted to :::He would be there without asking ::: Best to just move on .
I would do it for my child at least. Good luck.
I wouldnt go after child support its sending bad message the goal is for him to be involved with daughter atleast thats how im understanding it
Going after him for child support after 9 years after seeing he has two other kids doesn’t seem right. If you really want him in her life going after him for child support may just push him more away. Contact the courts and see if they can mediate visitation.
No. Keep doing for you and your kids. The “man” hasn’t shown any interest in your daughter so far and honestly… That prob hasn’t changed. Don’t ever force anyone to be in your kids lives. Its their loss.
Just see if he wants to be in her life first. Dont worry about child support.
I am a child of a parent who wanted nothing to do with me and didn’t pay child support. If you are better off without it don’t go through the trouble of trying to get it. Just don’t lie to her. Be honest with her about her so called dad. If you don’t if she finds out on her own she will be more upset. He is her dad so he should try and see or talk to her. Just be there for her.
I would for my child’s sake but he should have been helping for a while now so I would go for the child support too. Not that you need it, it’s the concept behind it.
He’s out of her life by choice. It’s probably in her best interest to just let it be. Don’t force anything. You alone are better for her than a father who doesn’t want to be there. I’m coming from the other side of this. My ex wanted me to have an abortion. I didn’t & we stayed together for a few years. Then he was out of the picture until he wanted to sign off his parental rights but I forced him to step up & my son grew up with his father coming in & out of his life for 16 years. I made a wrong choice & see that now.
Well… Hes a stranger to her regardless if hes the sperm donor. Just bc hes “daddy” to two other kids doesnt mean hes gonna be “daddy” to her. Hell that alone should tell you to just let it be bc when she finds out he sees and loves two other kids and not her… Well then thats gonna be a whole other issue. Id go after child support and let him make the first move. Hes got to prove he wants to see her. Cant force anyone to. And if he hasnt cared this long what exaclty makes you think hes gonna care now??
One donor hasnt seen my son in 9 years, (has 4 other kids that are his that he provides for and takes care of his wifes three that arent his)
My daughters donor hasnt seen her in 8 years, (has two other kids he takes care of)… I just done cs and called it done.
I’d say let it be and live life. Tell her that some people are in our lives for a small amount of time and some are never in our lives. Remind her that we can choose to be happy with the love we have and love can show up in our lives out of nowhere. Nothing is permanent.
I might have an unpopular opinion but here goes… My son’s dad is hardly in the picture so I know that life and how hard it is on the child. I made sure to hold him accountable for child support. It’s his financial responsibility. Unfortunately he doesn’t work so I literally receive $29.30 a month. It’s appalling. But child support and being involved in your child’s life are two totally different things. I learned that you can’t force him to be in your child’s life. I tried encouraging visits, picking him up when he didn’t have a car, everything. But he’s also married to someone else now. He has his own life with her kids. There’s nothing you can do to give her her dad. If he hasn’t reached out or tried to make visitation arrangements, he’s not going to. All we can do is be there for our kids and play both roles. Don’t pressure yourself to find a replacement. It might happen. It might not. But you may have to just help her through life knowing only 1 parent…you. And you have to be strong for her. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk about it. I know it sucks. And we hate to see our babies hurting. But it’s out of our control. Child support however he should be paying! Don’t let him off the hook. That has nothing to do with visitation. That’s his obligation.
Yes make him pay child support! File papers at a court near you ! You can’t make him see her but you can make him pay .
I’d msg him and see where he is at. No point making him see his daughter if he doesn’t want anything to do with her it’s just setting her up for heartache. But I don’t envy the decision you have to make, as for child support, do you really want his money…now after all this time? Good luck with whatever path you and your daughter take.
Sweetheart, put his ass on child support. That money belongs to HIS daughter. He does not want to know her so do not force it. I don’t understand how women can allow a man to simply walk away from his financial responsibilities. You need to put your daughter and his relationship to rest. He sleeps very well at night that you have allowed him to start a new life. Get what belongs to her. Sure, continue to do for her but put that money in a bank account for her college tuition. Come on now
I would send him a msg on fb and be like hey… your daughter is asking questions and she knows of you. Would you like to get to know her?
I would message the mum of his other kids and try get the kids to know each other.
Get in touch but not for child support
I went thru this. My daughter was 11. I showed her pics of him and reached out to him. The first contact was horrible. So I told a white lie to my daughter that he never returned my call. Tried again 3years later and he then wanted to have a relationship of sorts. He kept asking her to send hair and saliva to him in the mail. I shot that down and told him to set up a lab visit or he can stay away. He also wanted to take her to FL to visit his family. I told him sure but I will be there because she doesn’t know u or your family and to put her with complete strangers is ridiculous. He didn’t like that either. They still talk every once and a while but she doesn’t really have anything to do with him other than conversation.
I would leave it alone. Explain to your daughter that her dad walked out and she doesn’t need someone like that in her life. If he’s been content not being part of her life for almost 10 years, then he isn’t suddenly going to be a consistent father now. He’ll be in and out just like your sons father which will just hurt your daughter more.
You don’t have to force it. If it were me,I would absolutely reach out so I can tell my kid the truth. He may actually want to know something, and since its been so long he may be scared to reach out. Guys are dumb 
Ask. If he shows no interest then at least you know for a fact where y’all stand on the subject. I would lay off the child support, that might just make it awkward. Good luck 
See if he wants to see her first or it will look like your after money
Do it you can get back child they will take his entire income tax
I would see if he has interest in a relationship with his child, before I even brought up child support.
Getting child support will not make any difference in him being involved or not . She will no doubt reach out to him when she is older . I would contact him and ask him what he thinks you should tell their daughter why he doesn’t want to be in her life . Let him know that she has been asking ( don’t tell your daughter you are reaching out because it may not be a positive response ) . But bottom line …if he wanted to be in her life he would be …there would be nothing and no one to keep them apart .
Maybe see how he is with the other kids. Is he dependable etc. I wouldn’t push child support. You should have done that years ago. I would talk to him. He may be wondering about her but with the way he walk away thinks it’s not an option. He was young and probably terrified and ran. I would reach out to him and ask him if he wants to be in her life. If he says no then I would explain to her that her dad isnt in a good place right now.
Nothing good can come of it…he knows he has a daughter…why put her through the rejection again…leave it alone…please keep in mind your choices got you to your current situation. You’ve made it this long without his money you will do fine. Look at the bigger picture for everyone involved…ecspecially your children…and please keep in mind as well children grow up so quickly.
coming from experience my sons dad has never really been in the picture, not for lack of me trying, and a few years ago when my son was about 8 he did the same thing, would cry and want to know why his dad didn’t love him and why he didn’t come see him and his sisters had a dad, and it doesn’t help that my sons autistic, well his dad was my best friend growing up so I have known him for years and he has other kids, whom my son hasn’t met and doesn’t see, so i told his dad how it is just how my son said it and even let me son talk to him on the phone it helped for a year he would come see his son monthly and call and text him regularly, but never talk my son anywhere and now it just stopped and he hasn’t seen him in a long time , now it hurt my son yes, but it helped me put it on his dad and for my son to see if wasn’t for lack of mama trying and now that hes a little older he sees the real true colors of his dad
I have a daughter who is 9, her sperm donor has only seen her once and that was when we had to go for a dna test bc he said it wasn’t his but yet he wanted me to get an abortion. Well I didn’t, we had the DNA done and boom…he was the father. I knew who I was sleeping with. But I went after him for child support thru child support enforcement and got it. He pays weekly but doesn’t and hasn’t attempted to see her since his lawyer told him it would have to be supervised visitation since its been so long. I’d love to take him bck for more but in my home town, they’ll just slap him on the wrist and give him another try. Even though its been over 9 yrs.
Yes go after him for child support you may not really need it but put it away fir your daughter when she’s older and need a little help
It’s your daughters birthright to have a chance to know her dad. Maybe he has matured a little after 10 years.
I would go for it. I would contact him and explain that his daughter is asking about him. Talking to him might give you a better idea if it will even be a healthy option for the two of you. If he is a good dad and wants to participate somehow then great! If not, well at least you have your answer and you won’t blame yourself years later for not trying. Hopefully all works out for your daughters sake. Good luck! 
Yes, go after him for child support and file for full custody.
He might be too afraid of the backpay at this point. Lol
I might get a lot of hate from this comment lol… But looking from the other side…Honestly, I’m assuming he was your age when you got pregnant. There’s that chance, he was also a scared teen. Who, by now could regret his decision to walk out of her life. And thinks about her often. Possibly wondering if he should reach out, and doesn’t thinking you’ll turn him away for that decision he made. Maybe he’s came close and thought about reaching out or looking you up. And, maybe he hasn’t, and forgot all about you guys too. Honestly, I would reach out to him. It isn’t always about child support. That, won’t give her a dad. Or answer her questions about him either. I would reach out to him. See if maybe he would want to meet her. Obviously, you have been doing just fine without his help financially this long. I wouldn’t start it off by just going after that. For your daughter, I would just message him. And be straight up. That she’s at the age where she’s asking questions. And would like to know him a little. And who he is. She has the right to know him. And, possibly he does deserve another chance. Maybe he’s matured a lot since then. You were both kids when you got pregnant (not in a judgmental way, I too was a teen when I got pregnant) but, try reaching out to him. To see if you can set up for them to meet.
If the only reason you want to “go after him” is because he’s happy with a family, I’d say get over it. I personally would message him that she wants contact and move on. 💁 Then talk to my child.
Where I live you can only go back 3 years for child support. Also what does child support have to do with him being a father?
I wouldn’t try child support off the bat because to him, that will probably make him mad that you didn’t reach out at all and then cause issues. Reach out to him and see if he wants to be in her life. Maybe he thinks too much time has passed and you wouldn’t allow it. Yes, it’s his responsibility, but at least if you reach out you will know that you tried to have your daughters biological father in her life. You don’t even have to tell her that you tried to talk to him because that will hurt her if he doesn’t reach out back or says no. You were both young and you were the one that stepped up and took responsibility. He didn’t. But maybe now he can get to know her and be there for her. Sometimes the other parent (you) needs to reach out so that the parent that left can get that little push they need. If you decide not to, that’s ok too! It’s not your responsibility to push him to be there. But the best thing (I see) that you can do for your daughter is reach out, unless you find out he is an abuser or still into drugs hardcore.
Go to your brother or your Dad. A male you trust and ask if they can do stuff with her. It’s not replacing her father but, it allows her to grow up seeing how she should be treated from a male and having a male around that she can trust like a best friend.
Im going to have an unpopular opinion but after nearly 10 years 2 relationships 1 being a marriage you never required childsupport. So no. I would not claim child support. You knew from day 1 he was not going to be apart of this with you, you chose to proceed which is fine but after so long it is wrong to expect payments for something just for the sake of it or just because he has other kids now. You didnt claim it for her 9 years so far, so Move on.
If you want your daughter to be able to have a chance to know him a private message couldnt hurt. But you need to be prepared also to accept the no if thats what you get. Unfortunately Having other children now is irrelevant to the choice he made with you then. So maybe just be cautious and take it slow. Pushing it may make it more hurtful on your daughter.
Why do you want child support after 10 years? I’m sure the court would ask the same thing 
I’d just leave it to be honest
I’m a fan of therapy. You can always sign up for child support since you didn’t conceive yourself. And 16 years old is young. Just because he hasn’t reached out doesn’t mean he hasn’t thought about it. You can send a small message to him saying she’s wondering about him and see where his state of mind is. If he still wants to pretend she doesn’t exist then thats his loss. But definitely try child support and no matter the out come you can put her in some therapy so she knows its not her fault.
I would try for your daughters sake. I went through the exact same thing and I learned myself that he was a pos and not worth my time. She might resent you eventually if you dont atleast try. And best case scenario he comes into her life and actually acts like a dad for her.