Your daughter is at an age where you should be able to explain why her father is not in her life. My granddaughter is 14 she’s seen her dad a handful of times and we’ve always, always been honest with her. Some men can’t handle being fathers…
He probably doesn’t want anything to do with what he walked away from 10 yrs ago so why force him! Remind her that you’ll love her forever and feel blessed to be her mother!
Contact him and tell him that his daughter would like to get to know him
Just because he decided to leave does not mean he does not have to provide for the child he helped create. He should be paying child support to you if he is not also currently providing for her half the time.
I think it is a sensitive thing regarding asking him to be apart of her life. I would really do some research and check him out good before going there.
If you have good male figures in your life introduce her to them.
My children know it takes a man & woman to make a baby. But that’s not all it takes to be a parent. I’ve taught them a parent loves, takes care of & sacrifices for their kids. Some kids have 2, some only have 1. Sometimes the parent has nothing to do with making the child, adoption or other relatives raising the child. I also make it a point to tell them it’s not their problem. It’s their sperm donor a problem. My kids accept that.
I wouldn’t contact him. Chances are he still doesn’t want contact. It’ll probably open more sounds than neccesary. Just explain to her how I explained & tell her the man that helped make her has decided not to be a father. Express to her that is his problem. He made that choice because of his own selfishness. Not because of her.
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I was the daughter. Parents split when I was very young, I didn’t hear from him again. I looked him up when I was in college, he seemed glad to hear from me and I even visited with him and his wife. I got married, had children, he was silent again. I did some genealogy on his family and found a cousin nearby. A year ago I did a dna test and found a half brother much much younger that had been adopted. Since then I’ve been found by a first cousin that didn’t know I existed, and she grew up around my father. My mother did remarry when I was a teenager and he was great, did all the daddy things. I still wonder, though, why I wasn’t important to him, and I’m 74. My mother didn’t ever say much about him unless I pressed her.
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Unfortunately my 9year old knows her fathers a dead beat dad drug addicted and has little to no time for her. Child support isnt worth it and childs heart ache of not haven a father that cares slowly goes away… My daughter stop crying and ask for him now
I only met my dad on my 9th birthday. I spent years and years trying to build a relationship with him - which I now feel should never have been on me - and he often dropped the ball. He has other children too - both older and younger. I was the one that pushed my mom to meet him. As a 29 year old woman now - I can honestly say I don’t know if it was for the best. We still barely have a relationship and the disappointment, hurt, rejection caused me a lot of pain. Maybe contact him privately first to see if he is actually willing to try and foster a relationship with her. If he is, you can discuss it with her and offer the emotional support should it not work. If he doesn’t at least you’ll know. At the end of the day it’s important for her to know that - his “rejection” has NOTHING to do with her worth or her being good enough, but with his own demons
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you go after child support which is 100% your right, just remember he can go after visitation and if he gets that, do you really want your daughter around strangers not to mention his girlfriend who will probably be pissed off at you for going for it and who knows she might take it out on your daughter by being nasty and mean to her, So is the money really worth it after all these years without it …
My daughter is also 9 and hasn’t had her biological father in her life since before her first birthday. I also remarried and she calls my now husband dad (her decison, it was harder for me to accept than her) she has always known she has a father. I tell her, her biological father wasn’t ready to be a daddy but my husband was. Yes she has questions and I answer them as best as I can without upsetting her and making her feel unwanted. It has seemed to work for us. She also now has a brother who is 4 with my husband. I have found in these situations it is best to tell the truth as much as you can (not if the truth will harm your child) but as best as you possibly can. Maybe explain to her that he wasn’t ready and if you were to search for him he may still not be ready. See what she wants to do? Xx
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I would just let it go , let him be whatever to those people. Just tell her the truth. That he’s an adult and made his decisions and even if we don’t like it this is just how it has to be for right now. Like tell you , understand that you want a dad around but that you are there for her no matter what. With the boys father , it’s needs to be all or nothing, you don’t come see your kids when it’s convenient for you because your girlfriend doesn’t like it, that’s not how it works. Sending lots of love
I wouldn’t tell your daughter but maybe contact him. Let him k ow you don’t want anything from him however his daughter is asking about him. He may of changed in 10yrs. He may have grown up & he wants to know his child but didn’t known how to ask.
On the other hand (reason you don’t say anything to your daughter, she doesn’t need the BS if it goes this way. He hasn’t changed, he doesn’t want to know her or disrupt his life. Just print pictures of him then & now for her. Also print out the conversation between you & dad so when she ready she can have the facts…
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Do not contact him. He showed his true colors. And if he’s matured, he’s had
every chance to make amends and be in her life. Point blank he doesn’t care. And going after him after all this time is pointless. If he wanted to support her, he would have.
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A lot of things could have changed in 10 years. So reach out to him and see what type of person he is and if he might do more harm than good in your daughters life. But also be completely honest with your daughter and tell her your not sure how this will go and everything might be great or nothing may come of it. Also try reaching out to her other grandparents, she needs to feel some kind of connection with her father
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I would not ‘go after’ him and start a war. I would get a hold of him and have a conversation Maybe he has matured. He might be broke but if he has change see what the situation is. You cannot make a decision without knowledge. He is probably very embarrassed for his past bad behavior and has not reached out. Don’t tell your daughter unless it is a positive situation.
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Go for child support bc your daughter deserves that much. It may spark an interest in him as well to want to know her.
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Explain to her she is better off without him in the picture. Be strong for her and keep maintaining a stable home without him, as you’ve obviously been doing. Nothing good will come of inviting him into your lives at this point.
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I wouldn’t lie and tell my kid the other parent loved/loves them but…Kids aren’t stupid. They will wonder why other parent wasn’t involved if they loved them. Tell them the truth. Daddy/Mommy made/makes bad decisions. Its best for you (child) that they aren’t involved.
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Absolutely not. I fully feel like you can let her know that you’ve got enough love to fill in for mom and dad. There is absolutely no reason to force someone to be in a child’s life who does not want to be there. My daughter is 4 years old and due to inconsistent nonsense she doesn’t even know her “dad.” And it’s better off that way. It’s better off for them to have a few questions then to have to deal with the in and out, the wondering why. When my daughter asks, I just let her know that I love her very much and that she’s a very strong little girl. If he’s matured and changed as others say he may have, phones work both ways.
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Honestly don’t even give him time of day, your daughter may hurt now, but when she gets older she’ll know who was there and who wasn’t, and don’t go after child support bc you’ll push him away more and he’ll think that’s all you want from him instead of a bond with him and your daughter. So don’t waste your time with him bc obviously he gave up his rights in the beginning. And as far as other situation I’d take that to court so he will be able to pay child support and have mandatory visits.
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Nope…let it be…you go after him he gets rights and imagine losing your daughter. And just tell her families are all different, some have just a mom, some get dads and some have 2 of each…that is not a can of worms worth opening
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This is a tough situation. But, I would honestly focus more on getting therapy for your daughter. She doesn’t need to grow up thinking she needs to have this careless person in her life to make her whole. She doesn’t need to grow up thinking she’s the one who is missing out. She needs to grow up feeling self worth and value and respect. That way, if she ever does come in to contact with her biological dad, it will be on her terms, not his.
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Honestly, I grew up without a dad until I was 9 and my mom introduced me to my now step dad. It is incredibly hard as a kid growing up without a dad, however I have so much respect for my mother in what she did to raise me alone and I love my step dad more then anything. Because I wanted a dad for so long I was beyond grateful to get my step dad. I have had to opportunity to reach out to my biological dad and I have zero interest, I’m better off without him in my life, he never wanted anything to do with me why do I need anything to do with him? It will take time but your daughter will realize this.
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So my 22 year olds “sperm donor”, we call him that cause thats all he was. Making a baby does not make anyone a parent. Anyways. He knew I was pregnant and wanted nothing to do with me. She was 2 weeks old when he reached out about a paternity test but decided it was too expensive and never pursued it. Being a child of divorce I personally did not care and did not want to push him to be around. We still live in the same town as we did growing up. He has seen her about 10 times (same place same time), his ex stepson went to the same preschool, he has 3 other kids and the youngest is my youngest daughters age and the go to school together. I reached out to him 11 years ago to just talk and he still resented me for trying to “pin” my oldest on him. In the past few years we have been able to move past it mainly due to his failing health due to his drug use and we had a nice long discussion about out past. He wishes we would have never moved past being friends because we essentially ruined our friendship. We were really good friends in high school even having different groups of friends. I guess my point is this. Reach out and stay calm. If he comes at you with hate your daughter is better off without him. If he wants to be around start small with the introduction and very slowly build from there. I hope he has changed and is willing to be in her life permanently.
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I think going after child support would just make him resentful of her. If this is about your daughter trying to have a relationship with him maybe send him a message with a picture of her telling him that she is wanting to connect with him. Don’t mention it to your daughter unless he says he is interested. You wouldn’t want to get her hopes up only to have her heart broken. If he responds positively, have your daughter write to him. Good luck.
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Wow after reading this I’m going through with my son he always asking why don’t I have a dad and why doesn’t my dad love me… it breaks my heart 
. Kids are smart they know a lot more than what we think.
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I would reach out, depending of course on if it appears he has cleaned up his life and is no longer into drugs. Let him know that his daughter would like to get to know him and see what he says. If you ask for child support it will probably put him on the defense and give him a reason to reject connecting with your daughter. So you need to decide before going into this if you’re okay with telling him you’ll waive child support or what you are wanting. Don’t tell you daughter until he has said he wants to meet her, no need to cause her further heartbreak.
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I’d message him and ask if he’d like a chance to meet her. You both were young and he seemed to be wild so he may have grown up some. I didn’t know my dad until 18 and he died 1.5 years later 
I wish my mom would have let me have that relationship.
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Be honest, this will make it easier and less painful for her. Ask her if she’s interested in knowing and if so please let her know the outcomes good or bad. Also have her see a therapist so she knows she’s always loved although her father may or may not want to be in her life.
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I think I would send him a private message on Facebook. Tell him your daughter has been asking questions. Ask him what he feels comfortable with as well. It is touchy for both of them. If he does want to have contact start small. I wouldn’t jump right into child support, because she wants to know her dad. He might think it’s only about money and fight everything. I had no dad growing up we are close now and we are both said it couldn’t always be this way! (He was also into drugs)
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You can pm him on messenger. Talk to him without her knowledge. Go from there. But if he chooses not to see her, I think it would be better for her if you don’t tell her. The only thing that would accomplish is hurting her.
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If you go after him, he may want to be in her life. The question is, are you ready to share her with him. Are you ready to share her with his new family. That is an option you will be opening up. I always believe the children should always have the option to get to know both of the parents. To make up their minds about each parent. But you have to prepare your self to allow him in her life, and in yours.
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Ok I speak from experience and I know the truth hurts but don’t sugar core or hide anything her dad will always be her blood her dad no matter what my mom kept my dad and his life away from me and as an adult I finally found him had in in my life a short time then he passed away he met my boys ( his grand children) it was emotional it was hard it was closure ! I’m pretty sure my mom really thought she was doing what was best for me but as I grew up
I wanted more and she still painted such a bad picture of my dad I just had to see things for myself I’m so glad I pushed for closure it was probably one of the hardest things I’ve done. I did it on my own my mom was upset I hunted down my dad!! SoI guess what I’m trying to say is be honest and let her know the facts as for this will always haunt her!!
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I’d use honesty. I was about 9 when I asked about my dad (Same issue basically) and my mom sat me down and was completely honest with me. She told me the truth about my father and when I turned 12 gave me a chance to contact him myself. I contacted him he let me visit a few times and then turned around and showed his true side hurting me and my sisters. That’s when we felt more close to our mother than ever seeing how much she did for us as we were growing up. Playing both roles of mother and father.
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Shouldn’t be about money. Tell him his daughter wants to get to know him and see if he’s open to that. He doesn’t get to buy rights. Assuming he was also 16, he was really a child when he said that. He is an adult now, hopefully a responsible one, and may have a whole other opinion of it. Or he may not. But he needs to realize when she’s an adult she is very likely to come looking for him.
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Tell her the truth and leave him out of it…my 10 year old has a birth dad that is literally in the streets and she knows, waves when she sees him holding his sign but she knows the truth, sometimes we as moms have to love them extra and just be done with the male to keep the spirit of the child and safety
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Don’t reach out to him. If he was a decent guy, he would have looked for you. Tell her the truth. Remind her that her brother’s father is also a lousy father. If your dad is in the picture, maybe he can do a little more. Or do you have a brother? It’s a terrible situation to be in, but you’re not alone. Unfortunately, there are lots of terrible men, who don’t even deserve being called dads or fathers.
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A child has a right to know her father. You should try to reach out and if he doesn’t want anything to fo with her then that will be on him but you should at least give the chance to know who father is.
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Message him let him know she is asking give him a chance. She has every right to know who he is even if it’s just showing her pictures and if he says no explain it to her in a way she can understand and know it is not her fault and that we can’t make someone do something but reach out to him first and then you will know better in how to handle the distraction but don’t lie to your daughter either because it doesn’t do any good. I’ve been through it myself
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As a child that didn’t have my dad in my life tell I was 13, here is my opinion. Send him a message do not tell your daughter about it. He may think he is doing you a favor by staying away. My dad who at the time of my birth was an alcoholic but had stopped drinking, knew my mom had a new husband and thought he was doing what was best by staying away. As soon as my grandma, long story, asked him if he wanted to see me he said of course. If he doesn’t want to see her just keep telling her you love her. Kids see who is there for them and who is not. Good luck mom!!
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Just leave it alone. He’s had 10 years to be part of her life and has chosen not to.
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I wouldn’t approach birth father to daughter. Be honest with her. Life is complicated and its ok for her to feel sad and feel like she’s gotten the raw end of the deal. Let her face those obstacles w you as a support.
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My husband had a daughter from b4. Was always told when she was old enough they would reach out. ( Long story why it never happen b4) she reached out this past Jan. We have been in her life every since. It has been amazing. We coparent together great. We actually get her for Christmas this yr for the first time in 11 yrs. So I suggest u reach out. He might be waiting on ur message just like we always where.
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It is frightening how many mothers are commenting saying “no because then you will have to share her.”
Really? That child will definitely resent her if she grows up and that’s the reason she didnt get to know her dad.
He was most likely 16 or so as well. Either of them could have moved away. She said shes been married, so maybe he looked for her & never found her. Who knows? As her father he definitely should get a chance to see her. As well as his family. If hes a positive role model & his family is loving, and they all want her, that’s the best thing possible for your daughter. Because right now shes feeling abandoned and unwanted, and probably wonders why they dont want her.
Do your due diligence, run his name at the court websites, so if he has a record. Look at social media profiles. Look at his family members profiles.
Then send him a message asking if he wants to meet her. If so, encourage your daughter to meet him. It’s not about you. It’s not about sharing her. It’s about your daughter.
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My daughter started asking the same questions and I told her the truth and when she decided she wanted to meet her father I let her This was something she had to do and she had to do it for herself She was 11 at the time She met her father they spoke and she came back to me and to my surprise apologized to me and her words were " I’m sorry he doesn’t know me and he’ll never know what a awesome daughter I am. His loss. " She’s 15 now and hasn’t mentioned or spoke about him since. My advice you know your daughter better than anyone You know the person you raised and based on that you decide that if you know she can handle the truth whether good or bad then let her meet him it’s for her My daughter thought she wasn’t good enough for him but in truth he’s not good enough for her and she happier calmer and and she has a World of confidence in herself
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Leave it alone. You’re doing fine by yourself. Kids grow & adapt. MOM, is who they will know.
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My sons dad was never in the picture and signed away parental rights voluntarily. My son is now 18. I was always 100% honest with my son. You cant make someone be a parent who doesn’t want to be. If you NEED his help, then by all means, he needs to help with support. I, however, would not use that to try to form a relationship between them. I always told my son the truth. I also told him it was his fathers choice to NOT be in his life. I told him when he was 18 we would find him if he wanted to, though hes always lived in the same city as us. I wouldnt push the relationship between them. Just be honest with her. He is the adult, if he wants a relationship with her, then HE should put forth effort and pursue that.
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I would be honest with him and tell him his daughter is asking questions and would like to have him in her life . You can’t force the issue . Regarding child support if you feel you need it for her but the cost of it and court fees may not be worth it in the long run … reach out if he says no then explain to your daughter that you both were very young and maybe seek guidance from a counselor regarding how to handle the rest best of luck
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My sons dad got in his life last yr only bc of football, only to have mom son excited want to live with him , last less then 2 months bc he’s an alcoholic & was violent towards my son. Sometimes being away is the blessing…let her know God brought her to you , that he knows your enough to be her mom & dad & always love & protect her…
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In my opinion, I think you should wait until she is old enough to make that decision on her own. He made his intentions clear and he could have contacted you at any point in those 10 yrs if he wanted a relationship with her. I have a similar situation but I’ve learned the hard way that forcing a relationship on hurts them in the end. I have always been honest with my 10 yr old so just be patient it will all work out in the end.
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Also if hes with someoneles he may not have told them about her ? I wouldnt contact him no matter how young he was he decided not to want to be a dad . He knows he has a child and seems not to care . He made his choice your daughters better off without him until she can do it herself one day . She deserves better in her life .
Just be truthful to her, my son is 17 never had his dad in his life. His choice not mine, he started asking questions i told him the truth appropriate to his age as we went along. Hes not bothered now and happy. So my advice is be truthful and support her
Break the ice (one more time) see if he is ready to be a father. Nobody is perfect but I tell ya what I know from experience that even a father in a not so ideal situation, can still be a great father. We all go through things differently. Connecting her with her father in a healthy way is what I believe is best. Whatever you do, youre her mother and you know what is best for her.
I don’t feel like you should come back after 10 years seeking child support I think you should try and reach out to him about beginning to have a relationship with your daughter who knows he might have matured and wants to have a relationship with her now. If not I don’t see anything wrong with you going for child support now because at the end of the day he needs to have some responsibility as well because you didn’t make that child by yourself regardless if your financially stable or not. But definitely try and reach out for what’s important and that’s the relationship your daughter is seeking out and not the money. Good luck
You have gotten by all these years without the money, but nothing can replace family. I am one who has been through this when I was 9 I found out I had a biological father and a brother, he signed all right away to me when I was born for 9 years I was raised by my mom and another man. My step dad is my dad and always will be but I am glad my mom gave me the chance to get to know my dad, unfortunate my brother died when we were in n our 20s so we were never very close but my dad and I took along time and now have a great relationship. It needs to be his choice and then she can decide if she wants to continue. It make take awhile, but it will all work out. After all she has siblings and that’s another reason she can enjoy the other side of the family.
She has a right to know both parents. I come from a broken marriage, but luckily, had other “Dads” to fill the void! I’m so glad my parents and step parents were all able to get along for the sake of us kids!
Give him 1 chance to get into her life. If he fails, then that’s on him, not YOU!! At least your daughter will know that you tried.
Depending on your daughter’s age i would sit down and talk to her. Let her know all about his past and see if she want’s to get involved. Let her know if he pays child support he could get visitstion. Really seriously think about this. I have never heard of too many success stories.
I think the possible rejection would seriously harm her. Tell her the truth about you and him and assure her that you and her and her brother are a good strong family. Not every family has a dad. Be honest and love her. Its all you can do.
My dad was a dead beat drunk most of my life. My mom tried so hard to keep him relevant in mine and my brothers lives. It honestly did more harm than good. He eventually sobered up when I was 22 and found a gf with older children, he still was never around. From my experience it’s just not worth it. I love my mom for trying but it really just made it worse.
I wouldn’t, My situation is similar except I was older & didn’t marry. Once your babies know that YOU are there for them then you are the constant that has always been in their lives… don’t invite the past back in, it could get extremely messy & cause more upset than intended especially for your girl because she will see that the sperm donor went off & had 2 more babies after her & stayed with them!! Your kids have you…you & your own family/friends are all that they need because a child will understand as they get older who was ALWAYS there
Regardless of what happened between the 2 of you, the fact remains, she happened. Every child deserves to know as much as they can about both of the parents. It is half of who they are. Being open and honest to your daughter is important. Her father may not even know about her. I would contact him, let him know about her and see where he goes from there. You won’t know until you give him that chance. By all means, protecting her from the bad should be your priority, but you don’t know the person he is now.
If he is aware he has a daughter and he is a grown man now he should be looking. But because you were married maybe he didn’t pursue tearing up a family. Send him a Christmas card with her photo. On the back write her age and phone number. If he has an interest he will respond to address or number. If he does nothing let it rest. You may have dodged a bullet and saved her a real heart ache.
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I wouldn’t reach out. He’s known about her for 9+ years and hasn’t even tried to be involved. Who’s to say he won’t come into her life then go out again causing her even more pain than she is already experiencing. I agree that you should seek therapy for her so she has someone neutral to vent to and maybe they have a better way of answering her questions that won’t make her question her whole existence. It’s so hard cuz as a mother we never wanna see our children to be pushed aside or feel unwanted, we never want them to feel that pain. Child support is just going to make things worse. He will be bitter and hateful and if she decides to find him when she’s older he may be resentful and just nasty towards her for the decision you made. Just raise her to be a smart loving young lady why just needs her mama and nobody else.
If your daughter is only ten, there is no way she is mature enough to rationalize the situation. All she knows for sure is that she wishes she had a dad. I would skip most of the facts in discussing it with her, at least for now. Seek some professional help in deciding when and how to approach the subject with her. If your health insurance covers the cost of counseling, go for it. If not, plan for it—for both you and your daughter. However this plays out, it will affect both of your lives for the rest of your lives. Tread softly.
Some guys want to be In Their child’s life but after so much time has went by, they don’t know how. I know someone that really wants to see his daughter but the mother has told her that someone else is her dad. He doesn’t want to ruin that so he just pays his support and stays away. He’s a good guy and has a good head on his shoulders (now) but doesn’t know what to do.
My ex isn’t in my kids life and he did that to himself tbh. He isnt a good role model and even when my boys use to stay and see him , I found out eventually one of them was getting mistreated by him and no one protected him. So do what you think is right I suppose.
Dont go after him, after all this time if he wanted to be there eventually he would have reached out to you. It will also further damage your daughter by forcing another relationship on her with someone you know is once again unreliable. You can only be honest with her. Children appreciate honesty and it makes them feel grown when they’re asked to understand things as a grown up. My son gets so excited when I speak grown to him so just explain to her the next time it gets brought up that she does have a daddy because of course everyone does but sometimes not everyone is ready to be a daddy when it’s their time to be one. Tell her that you had a very difficult choice to make but you chose to handle raising a baby by yourself. Apologize that it has to be that way and just remind her that you’re gunna do your best to give her everything she needs. Assure her that it doesnt make her any different than the other kids it just means that her mommy is stronger than other mommy’s because she doesnt need help and things like this will teach her how to be independent herself inexcusably
Ask if he wants a relationship if not dont try to force that. In my opinion that will make her feel unwanted. My daughter’s bio father has never been a part of her life but i was lucky enough to find a wonderful man for her to look up to and call daddy but before him i told her that it wasnt that he didnt want her but that he just couldnt be there for her ( drugs but didnt tell her that part) its definitely heart breaking but just be there for her and she will grow and see she has enough.
I may try to contact his family honestly if they are a good family and see what his situation is now. Being both so young maybe hes changed and doesn’t know how to approach you…my son is 26 now and has never met his bio father. I never asked for child support… I had only been with him for 3 months before I left him and he was an addict. We found him on facebook last year, my son sent a nice message but no response unfortunatly. I know it effects him now as much as it did him growing up and it is very sad but human beings aren’t always able to give or do what’s right sometimes. If you find he’s toxic then forget it but maybe do a little research to see what kind of person he is. Its alot but your biggest job is protecting her, regardless the outcome. Good luck and happy holidays.
My daughter is in the same situation, but I would never go after her father, he knows where she lives and I will not allow her to chase him. She has uncles and grandfathers she looks to. Its vital she has a father figure even in the slightest, I myself grew up with out a father figure at all and have so many trust issues. Stay strong for the young one. 
Have a similar situation. I let them meet when my daughter was 12. He ended up telling her he didn’t want the kids he has why would he want her. Fast forward she is now 19. The past 8months he wants to know her. My husband has raised her since she was 6months old. So now she has a relationship with her bio guy. He didn’t want to know her if he had to pay child support. I don’t recommend going down the path. Only because I tried it when my daughter was 12. It was the most awful experience
I would just reach out to him and ask if he would be interested in being a part of her life and then go from there based on his answer.
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I had my daughter when I was 14 and her father didn’t want to be in the picture. I did the best I could as mom and dad, she has had a step dad that didn’t work out and now has a step dad who does alot for her. You can’t make anyone do right, you just have to do what you can.
I’m 52 now and my daughter will be 38 in January. She found her father and they write to each other. Sadly he is in prison so she will probably never get to actually meet him.
We have a very strong relationship because I never lied to her about him and I tried to help her find him. When she is older and can understand better help her if she wants to meet him but don’t try to force him to meet her.
You can try to contact him. Let him know how your daughter is feeling. Maybe he’s matured over the years. If not, move on in peace. Your daughter will ultimately be better off without people who don’t want to be in her life.
I’m in the same boat. My daughter is 9 and has no relationship with her bio dad. I’d reach out and develop a friendship. Don’t ask for anything like child support. This is for your daughter, not you. Let all of that come afterwards, because having that thought upfront is going to make you seem like you’re doing this for the wrong reasons.
I was in a similar situation. If he does not want anything to do with her, leave the situation alone. If he ignored her around the other kids it would make her feel unwanted. I had x sign a paper giving up his rights. I married and he adopted her and treated her as his bio daughter.
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Guess it depends on what your child is worth $… I say let sleeping LIONs sleep… she just needs Love not labels sound like you love her enough she doesn’t need more. I would just tell her I love you so much, you are the best blessing. I am sorry that your father doesn’t know that about you.
My grandson doesn’t have a dad he’s a product of a rape but he’s not missing out on men in his life he has uncle’s grandpa’s cousins and they all do lots of stuff with him. So involve other men family members in her life she don’t need a dad. Others can give what she needs
Contact him and feel out the situation. I wouldn’t bring it up to your daughter unless you are sure he is willing to be in her life and safe to have around your daughter. If he chooses not to be in her life it’s something that you can explain to her when she’s a bit older and can truly understand. If you go straight for child support it’s possible that he will believe that you only contacted him for money.
I myself would try to make contact and then slowly go from there. My mom was 15 when she had me, my bio dad was forced to see me till he lost rights due to some bad stuff. I deal with him still occasionally, but with mine he didn’t change. Some do grow up and change for the better. If you do make contact see if maybe meeting at a park, but make it clear he is either going to in her life or not. She deserves to know him, but not if he isn’t willing to do right by her. It’s heard when you haven’t seen him for years . Take it slow day by day and see what happens. Some change for the better some don’t but second chances should be given when possible.
Put him on child support! Don’t rob your daughters or make excuses for that man… woman say they are fine and can make it on their own, but unless you are completely debt free, college tuitions completely saved and ready for them, and you can meet ALL their financial needs then perhaps you don’t do it, but it isn’t fair to rob your daughters, it’s not a personal attack on him, it’s for your children.
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Question for you… what if he decides to be part of her life… are you ready for that? Not just him but the rest of him family too. It’s a huge possibility that you need to think about really hard. I’m not sure how I would handle it.
Is she asking to meet him or just asking about him? If she’s just asking about him I would be honest while keeping it age appropriate. If she’s asking to meet him, you may want to reach out. If he still says no then at least you followed your daughter’s wishes.
This is honestly my biggest concern as my daughter gets older. I’m hoping by then my current bf and I are married and he has adopted her so rights aren’t an issue. But I will still do my best if she wants to meet her bio dad.
My daughter is 23 and has not seen or heard from her other 50% DNA makeup since before she was 2. He did pay child support till the day she turned 18. She wants nothing to do with him ever. She hopes he never ever shows up 1 day.
My father passed away 5 weeks ago and for years he not been in my life when i was 21i meet my Hubbard to be i had two children i son was about 2 and my daughter was a baby and hes has come and gone my is 24 now and my 22 both have not had him at all in both off their lifes let your children know why hes not i was up front with my two and been a mother is hand think long about it
Maybe he has tried to find her, women are harder to track and find because of name changes. I would contact him and see if he wants to meet her.
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My little girl has never met her dad. Going after child support is so much work. You will have to get dna done and possibly chase him. It was an emotional toll that I did not expect. If he wanted a roll he would make contact
Explain to your daughter that not all parents know how to be a parent and choose to stay away, and in no way is this her fault. When she gets older, let her decide of she wants to find him.
Tell her the truth about him. Have her write a letter to him, I’m sure you can find his address somewhere and send it to him. Make sure she lets him know she would like to meet him. Then the ball is in his court.
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Tell her its sad and frustrating but everyone has biological dad but not everyone has a good father. She’s lucky your there. Treat you and her the way you need. Support and listen she’ll figure it out. Blessings
Leave sleeping dogs lay! She needs to accept the fact that you are both mom and dad to her. When she is 18 if she wants to find him so be it. For now I would seek counseling for her
First of all for the child support you will need to do a DNA test before if he’s not on the birth certificate. And I would just be straight forward with him and put the ball in his court if he wants anything to do with her and if not make him sign his rights off so if you do get remarried he can adopt her
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A lot changes in ten years. If your end goal is for her to be acknowledged by her father… filing for child support is NOT the way. Reach out. But be prepared for disappointment. You guys were teenagers though. You never know where his head is at now. And it sounds like he had his own issues. A 16 year old boy rarely is mentally, physically or emotionally prepared to be a dad. Especially one struggling with drugs.
Why should he get off with clean hands…fine if he doesn’t want a relationship with her…don’t force it…look thru his profile…find out where he works…get child support…it’s the least u can do for that lil girl…get her the extra support if u can…she doesn’t need to know anything about him paying and not wanting a relationship…she doesn’t need that negativity…just accept the child support and let it be…sorry but u can’t or shouldn’t force it…it won’t be genuine…
Hell yes make him support the child he helped make. He has had it easy enough for long enough. If he doesn’t want to see her that is on him. Still should support. Reach out give him the choice to be involved one more time. You can save the money for your daughter later in life
My sons dad was the same way. I told him early the name of his dad but told him whenever he was ready I’d help him find him. We tried but never did but if at all possible I’d try to put it off a few more years
I was in same situation and told my daughter around the same age as yours…File for child support and hopefully the Dad will want a relationship with his daughter…if not its his loss and you know you tried and her daughter knows who her Dad is! My daughter doesn’t have a solid relationship with her biological Dad but He knows where she is he knows its his daughter and she knows who her Dad is! Good Luck!
I would send him a message or something and say hey…our daughter is asking about you and maybe there is way you guys can find a way to introduce them to each other. I wouldn’t go the child support route at first. See what the situation is like first
Go after CS if that sparks interest from him he hasn’t seen her in 10 years courts will not just give him any visitation right off the bat. If no interest from him at least you get some financial support don’t say anything to your daughter yet. I live in southern CA and am willing to help PM.
I would just be honest with her and tell her that her dad has made bad choices in lif