Me and my daughters father have been “talking” for two years now. We aren’t in a official relationship. Our daughter isn’t here yet but she is due on June 1st (14 weeks). He lives 2 hours away from me and expects me to let him keep our newborn daughter over night. Through the first month I want to breast feed and slowly transition into bottle meaning I don’t want to pump in the first month. I feel as if the bond you build while breastfeeding is much more intense and that first month of the baby’s life is crucial. Anyways he’s mad at me and we’re not talking. He thinks I’m keeping his daughter from him but that is not the case. He has the key to my house and can come over whenever he feels like it. But when he has his 3 year old son he doesn’t come around.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughters father is mad because I don't want him keeping her overnight
This is why it’s important to be grown before you have kids. By grown I mean mature. If you trust a man enough to have his child, he should have access to his child as long as he’s not harming the child. You chose to procreate with someone that doesn’t even live in the same home as you. Now you must divide your time with your baby. He has as many parental rights as you even if you are the milk supplier.
Court will make you if he files. Let him file should take more than a month to get a court date once he files.
Let him sleep at ur place that’s a compromise
Baby can go over to dads (without mom) once milk supply is established. First few weeks are critical in establishing production.
Never let her go without you until you have a court custody agreement. He may not return her.
He has a 3year old already this is not his first rodeo with a baby, he may know more than you do about caring for a child and you shouldnt control him not having his child overnight you knew he didnt live close by when you got pregnant
Get a lawyer and breast feed longer than a month!
At the end of the day that’s his child too and he should be able to have his child spend the night with him. You choosing to breast feed doesn’t have anything to do with him not being able to have his child with him
So you’re still four months away from even delivering and you’re already arguing about things that don’t exist. Good luck.
As someone who was bullied into pumping early by ex MIL… sis don’t do it. It WRECKS the milk supply because you over produce, it also caused me to get mastitis. Which is PAINFUL ASF. Baby should definitely stay with you for at least that first month. Baby needs you to help it learn to self regulate their body temp, breathing, heart beat and everything. I highly recommend talking to a breastfeeding counselor with WIC, they can tell you way more about importance and timeliness for breast feeding/pumping. If I remember right, you’re not supposed to pump until around 3 months.
A newborn shouldn’t be away from mom ever
I’d maybe just tell him that’s why and offer for him to stay with you for one night a week until she’s 6 weeks and weaned and can go stay with him. Dad needs to bond in those first weeks too
No judge in the world would give him overnight. He needs to wait until she is ready to wean a bit
Just a little FYI most states if taken to court does not allow father to keep daughters until the age of 2 over night not simply cause of all the sick people out there but some states don’t care
I believe the first year is most crucial if your breastfeeding and over nights are not given to the father. Look up the laws for your state in this. But maybe offer for him to spend the night at your place. You carried that child for 9 months and it’s not fair to you or the baby to be separated during this time because father doesn’t understand how important this is
So what about his bonding? His individual time with baby?
Pump, freeze, thaw, repeat.
Get your time, he gets his. You knew the distance prior to getting pregnant.
Mothers aren’t the only ones who are important here - fathers are too. So is their bonding. Not just ours.
Let him file and don’t let him take her anywhere without you until there is a court order in place first. He can take her and not return her and you can’t get her back until you go to court.
Can’t keep a child away that isn’t even born yet. And most courts shouldn’t allow a breastfed baby over nights for the first year. Let him know it won’t be forever. And get an agreement because if he takes her without one he doesn’t have to return her and it’s just a huge mess and they grant the best custody orders for whoever has the child physically. But you will have to allow over nights eventually.
Breastfeeding won’t change anything. You will be told to pump and send baby with father.
He should absolutely be able to keep her. He’s a parent too. He has another child, not his first rodeo. I’ve seen courts tell moms to pump or formula feed so dad can have time with baby, regardless of age. You’re not the only parent and the court doesn’t care about your relationship. They care about the child getting to spend time with both of her parents. You unfortunately should have thought/talked about these things before having a child with someone you’re only “talking” to. The first month is also crucial for baby to bond with her dad, hence why hospitals offer skin to skin to both mom AND dad. Good luck!
No to the newborn traveling so far. That’s way to young they don’t even have an immune system until they’re a month old. The baby should be with mom for at least the first 6 weeks.
The newborn stage I understand but once the baby is old enough courts will look at you like you’re crazy saying she can’t stay overnight at his place. Why have a baby with a man if u can’t even trust him with his own baby?
Sadly you’ll have to give him his time but maybe you could make an agreement that it won’t be overnight for the first few months, could he stay somewhere closer for the first few weeks maybe and come over to yours for the first while or something? It can be worked out but if you put your foot down too hard it could backfire
Is he mentally ill? This is so weird and such a big red flag ! 
baby needs mom and he can come stay with you on weekends to see the baby. That is ridiculous.
Get an attorney cause this sounds like it will continue to be a fight with him
Go ahead and get a custody attorney. That’s where this is going.
Ill also add, you’re stressing out over a situation that isn’t even here yet. Which you will stress over again once baby is here. Theres no need to stress twice over one situation.
You’re overthinking. Relax
He lives too far and baby needs to be with mom. I would absolutely get a lawyer like others have said. He could easily take the baby and try to keep her and not give her back.
It’s called pumping your breast milk. You not wanting to pump the for the first month is an unfair choice your making since you can just start the baby off with the bottle to begin with. Also are you offering for him to stay the night during that month? The father has as much right to bond with the baby in the first month as you do. You knew before you got pregnant that he lived 2 hours away 
You’re gonna mess around and be a single mother thinking it’s all about you and what you want.
This is why you should be in a stable relationship before having a baby,
There is no reason he can’t come to the moms house. I don’t know about every state but mine has granted the mom the first several months.
You really need to accept that you choose a baby with him and he’s the father that deserves parenting time.
It’s crucial to not introduce a bottle in the first 6 weeks from what I’ve been told. It can cause “nipple confusion”.
But if you want to transition you will likely want to pump at least once a day anyway to get a small stash going just to have when you feel ready.
Why not just invite him over for weekend overnights while you’re going through that first month? If he wanted to be there, he could.
Coparenting starts before baby is even born, it has to, otherwise it’s going to be a rocky road.
As a mother I couldn’t imagine sending even my non breastfed babies away overnight that far away.
Get court order custody established first because if you give him the child he’s doesn’t have to return her untill you go to courts . Tell him your breastfeeding but once she is in the bottle he can of he thinks otherwise thats on him. Tell him he can come visit or stay the night at your place.
You are keeping his daughter from him. There’s no relationship there, but you both made her. He has as much right to her as you do.
Yea, you deserve to have bonding time with her, but so does he.
You should be thankful that your daughter has a father that wants to be involved. There are a lot of women and children who aren’t so lucky.
Take the next 14 weeks, communicate with him and come to a compromise. That’s what co-parenting is all about and compromise is what will set the whole dynamic for the rest of your lives as do-parents of a little girl.
You’ve been “talking” to him for 2 years and quite obviously are comfortable enough to spend the night with him. Invite him to stay on your couch on the weekends. He gets daddy daughter time and you get a break… and believe me, you’re both going to want and need a break. Not to mention, baby girl deserves to know her big brother.
I feel like you’re right, and until u transition her to a bottle she should stay with you if he has a key to your house he can stay with you and bring his son that’s going to be the big brother, there is nothing set in stone and if you are not together u have most say so over her (I’ll probably get clap back for that comment) but when my husband and were separated I was legally advised not to let him take my son anywhere (I was also pregnant with our 2nd child) bc he could take him and not bring him back and would be absolutely nothing I could do about it… get a lawyer document everything how often he visits calls or if u do let him take her did she come back clean hungry dirty whatever how long he spends time with her write it all down…I had him come visit our son at my mom’s house
So if for some reason you can’t breastfeed, you will immediately agree right? Since that is your only issue…
The judge isn’t going to care how far he lives or if you’re breastfeeding fyi. Speaking from experience🤷🏾♀️
So you got pregnant with a man knowing he lived 2 hours away. Now you dont want dad to keep baby overnight? It’s his kid just as much as yours. So with that being said, your gonna have to compromise with him. Maybe let him stay at your house every weekend till the baby is a month old???
How selfish. She’s his baby too.
Go to court. Hopefully he doesn’t beat you to it.
Change the locks asap
This is wrong, the dad deserves to have a bond too, you have to make sacrifices, it takes 2 to make a baby and as much as you hate the idea you should be greatful he wants to be there in the child’s life
Change your locks. Newborns stay with mom and he can come visit. This is what I did. I breastfeed till 10 months. He had to come to my house. Baby doesn’t travel to fathers.
Honey, you passed the “talking” phase if you were serious enough to get pregnant. The both of you need to grow up before this baby comes. Also, unless there’s a medical need, it’s not recommended to pump for the first six weeks. Those six weeks are crucial for bonding and establishing your milk supply. I hate to blunt but you two are going to have to get your shit together and be adults before you set that poor child up for a lifetime of issues.
Maybe stay at his house with the baby. It’s not like you haven’t slept together before.
Get a lawyer because this is going to end badly & it’s already going that direction before the baby is born. Also point out to him it takes 6-8wks to establish a milk supply. I’ve had many lactation consults & doctors tell me that the baby should be nursing to establish the best supply for the baby. That being said-After that time period there should be no reason he can’t have the baby overnight. You will be responsible for supplying him with milk for the baby. If there’s issues with you getting the milk to him then he can still have his time but he’ll just supplement with formula.
From what a lawyer told me you are not required to let your child spend the night till a year. As far as visiting that’s completely different
talk to the courts the rule are differencent in the babycase
You’d benefit more pumping from the get go
Judges don’t care you BF 
My daughter didn’t spend the night with her dad until she was over one because she nursed🤷♀️
Nope 
& change your locks. Force him to get an attorney & get court ordered visitation when the child is old enough specifying the exact time he has to return the child to you. Without this, if he chooses to not return her on time, you can legally call the police, enforce the order & get your child back at the specified time. Without this, he could keep her as long as he chooses. Mark my words, I have been through this. Good luck 
& prayers for you, Momma
Why not just stay the night with him? If he has the key to your house, he can see her whenever he likes. It makes sense that you be with her if you’re breastfeeding. You’re not trying to “keep her from her father.” People are so ridiculous!
Depending on where you live, and what judge you get, some don’t make them go for overnights as long as you’re breastfeeding. For reasonable amounts of time, they don’t usually accommodate extended breastfeeding (2-3 years), but many will support 1 year. They will order day time visits, but no overnights away from nursing mothers.
However, nothing is stopping you from inviting him to your home for overnight visits and bonding with the baby. You’ll probably want the help after the baby is born too.
His bond with her is just as important.
So you guys are arguing about a baby who’s not even born 
Have him go with you to a Dr appointments let them explain it to him.
Do not give him anything you will regret it make it all go threw the courts I was told this and I didn’t listen I learned I was wrong. Please do yourself a favor and make it go threw the courts
I would change your locks, if you aren’t married, make him take you to court for visitation & while you’re at it, file for child support. He’ll stop asking to take her overnight.
1-Change the locks
2- those banging on about dads rights and he deserves to bond too blah blah, yes he does but the new borns first start at life is far far more important. You can tell him he’s not being restricted in seeing his child, he can see her as much as he wants but she won’t be staying out over night until fully bottle fed and that’s that!!
So, here’s another baby mama drama story…here’s your solution…like it or not…go to court now and get legal custody, cut ties with your ex unless you want him back…NEITHER OF YOU HAS LEGAL CUSTODY!!! DO NOT LET HIM HAVE HER, CUT OFF CONTACT…QUIT USING YOUR KIDS AS PAWNS, CHANGE THE LOCK THAT HE HAS A KEY TO…IF YOU LET HIM TAKE HER, HE DOESNT HAVE TO BRING HER BACK LEGALLY…GROW UP AND MOVE ON!!!
Bonding with a newborn is crucial to BOTH parents
That being said most courts won’t grant overnights for a child that is exclusively breastfeeding
Not sure how fair that is since bottle feeding is just as effective for a child’s health
Let him be mad. He’s not putting your child first. So sorry you have to parent your co-parent. I see future battles.
Most definitely get all this to Court. If not he can legally take baby n not bring her back. Everything needs to be on paper n thro court.
First month sure but you will need to let him have her overnights. Dads bond is just important
Food for thought, couldn’t you go spend time at his place with her, especially since he has another child who he probably doesn’t want to long without seeing him
i would breast feed for two years in that case lol maybe more
She’s not even here why are even arguing about it a lot can change by then.
In Indiana the law is the baby has to be 9months before overnight visits. I just asked my MIL that works for a family lawyer.
What about the father’s bond to his child? My son is going through this right now the mother of his daughter up and moved 8 hours from us and she doesn’t want him to have anything to do with her
First of all change your locks. Getting you pregnant does not obligated you to give up your privacy & be available to him when it’s convenient. Don’t put his name on the bc. Contact him after baby is born if you wish. Do not let him near baby until he files for rights. He’s already trying to use this baby to control you. If you let him he’ll continue. If he files for rights get a lawyer. Yes it’s an expense but you’re better with 1 than without. Ask that your fees be charged to him. Sometimes judges will order that. Request that an investigation into his home & lifestyle be completed. What you request of him will be done to you as well. I’m sure you will have adequate sleeping space, car seat & other supplies for baby. He probably won’t. I bet he will expect you to provide all that for his home. Don’t do it. He needs to show he can provide & be responsible.
Many will argue with me. “it’s his baby too”. Sure is. But hes also responsible. This notion that men have rights but responsibility has been engraved in us. It’s time we hold them accountable & stop enabling them.
I’ve successfully nursed 4 babies (including a set of twins), and you are absolutely correct. To establish your supply, you should on-demand nurse for the first month.
My baby daddy said the same stuff when I was pregnant. I didn’t put him on the birth certificate (for a ton of abusive reasons) but if y’all aren’t married I wouldn’t put him on there. Not to mention y’all don’t even live together & aren’t even dating. Don’t give him rights. He can come by any time.
You need to discuss this with a lawyer. This is a fucked up mess. Honestly if you’ve been together but not together for all this time and he doesn’t want his son near should’ve been a clue that he’s not that in to you. This is his kid he should be able to creat a bond with the child just a freely as you want to bond. Fed is best. Even if you want to BF he doesn’t have to… you now have to coparent. Do you want to do it in a healthy manner or full of drama and strife that’s terrible for the kid?
Laws depend on state. In Georgia father have zero rights until he marries the mother or legitimizes the child through court system.
I understand your point, because you want to breastfeed her, but he is her father & he does have rights. I would wait until he tries bring you to court, or you him, because of child support & let the judge decide, since you both can’t figure it out, Usually once the baby keeps them up all night, he just might change his mind about having her overnight. Breast feeding is the best, but not everyone can do it & bonding isn’t only about breastfeeding
Okay, some you’re not in a relationship, go through court to have him be granted visitations, that way when he doesn’t wanna give her back bc he wants overnights- you have a reason to call the cops. Babies need their mothers, especially when breast feeding. I’d tell him that he can come and spend the night and however long he wants to at YOUR house. Bc the baby shouldn’t be leaving you for more than a couple hours.
Either way, get a judge to decide his visitations hours.
Get a court order because just like your her mom and want your rights respected he’s the dad to and should have his rights respected 
A new born should NOT be away from the mother PERIOD unless its absolutely necessary it is important for both parents yes but there is no reason he should be taking the newborn alone if he wants over nights he should come stay with you
If you do not file for custody and set visitations before you let him have her, you are a fool. He can keep her from you and not give her back at all. I say no visitations until court order. This way you are legally covered. If not, good luck with what happens next
In Florida the father has no rights if your not married unless dna is done and go through court system to prove he is in fact the father. Even if he’s on the birth certificate. I’d check your state laws on custody rights for fathers and mothers who are unmarried and start there.
No way!! I don’t care if he is mad or not!!
Oh mamma, baby is not even here and ya all are having this argument. It is not about either one of you anymore it is about that child and that child desrves to bond with the dad just as much as you. You also stated he has another child like it or not they are siblings. But in Kansas the laws favor the dad just as much as the mom so going to court will likely give him 50/50 custody and while they may do child support…if they don’t pay that does not keep them from seeikg their child and can get you in trouble for not following court orders. I would tread lightly in which way you decide to take this. I have seen too many moms get thenselves in a mess thinking they have the upper hand.
If you don’t put him on the birth certificate, he has no legal rights. Get your locks changed.
In most states the baby has to be a certain age… its usually 6 months to a year depending on where you live. Be nice and sympathetic to him, that’s my advice. Acknowledge that he wants to spend time with her… that’s a good thing, but explain that it really is not that ideal at a young age. Reiterate that you want him to see her as much as he can. Maybe twice a month he can come down every other weekend, spend time with her and stay overnight with a friend or at a cheap motel? Just keep the communication and co-parenting good… it will save you lots of grief over the next 18 years.
This is childish… y’all are arguing over something when you still have 4 months to go before she’s even here. So clearly there’s a lot of growing up to do on both ends. His for being stupid over wanting to argue about this and you for entertaining the argument
Make this legal. Whatever you do make it legal. This man can keep your daughter indefinitely.
If you willingly allow him to take her without a court order, then he doesn’t have to return her.
I would not put him on the birth certificate.
I would nurse. I would make him go through all the proper channels including establishing he is even the father.
Even if you know he is…. You need to protect your baby and have everything be legit.
Best get a court order.
So what if this was a dad posting he didn’t want his nb baby staying overnight with his baby momma?? Y’all would be having his a**. It’s such a double standard and honestly disgusting. That man has JUST AS MUCH RIGHT to that baby as the mother!! It took BOTH people to make that baby. Lay in the bed you make. Daddy/baby bonding is just as important. Bitter dang baby mommas up on this thread. Sheesh!!
Why does he have less of a right to be involved in his child’s life than you???
I know all black momma’s not this bitter and cold
Have you guys actually sat & talked realistically about how a 2 hour drive each way is going to work? Has he considered moving closer to be near his child? I mean if it’s a 2 hour drive overnight only makes sense but it’s hard when they’re tiny & you are breastfeeding. Sounds like you guys may need to come up with a compromise
If I was him, I would be pissed and he just might take her to court. I would.
Sad your baby won’t be able to bond with both of you ,but I guess mom is the most important
I get what you’re saying. But shit man. He’s wanting to be there for his kid. Stuff like that will just push him away.
He has a right to be upset…that bonding time is being taken away
Pumping can actually increase supply. He has rights same as you, uncomfortable with it, get a lawyer.
If you breast feed, he won’t be able to take the baby for over nights, for awhile. My daughter’s ex pulled this also with both of her kids and judge would not allow it.