I don’t get it if mamas want to breast-feed why should they have to send the baby away for the night that’s just ridiculous. Now if she would not allow him to come there and bond with the baby that may be a whole different ballgame.
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The child need both time with both parents if it wasn’t for him you would not even be asking these questions if you slept with him you obviously should have considered that he would want to be in his child’s life I understand the bonding thing but he are she needs that other parent too
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I understand both sides. As a breast feeding momma I understand yours. But it’s 100 percent possible to start pumping early and bottle feed so many babies can’t latch and get pumped liquid gold from day 1.
But I also understand latch latch latch feed feed feed on demand.
He has rights to bonding that first month also and day bonding and night bonding are different in many ways
Need to go to court and get a custody thing straight since already fighting…best thing to do.
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No way is my baby leaving me. He can come stay at your house to bond with her
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Honestly I would change your locks and get some type of court order. Some judges will say no overnights for a specific timeframe and others will say yes to overnights. I think it really depends on the judge. That or don’t put his name on the birth certificate. Here if you aren’t married you can just put the fathers name on it and let him take you to court for it.
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No one is gunna like this comment but…what if he doesnt want her to breastfeed? Or doesnt really care if the baby is on breast or formula?
The child is not even here yet and you guys are already fighting over simple things. You are having a child with someone you do not live with and knew lived two hours away. That child you are carrying is his to. He deserves just as much rights as you do.
Some of these comments make me sick. The way some of you think, or the shady stuff you do to make fathers prove themselves just to be a part of their own childs life is disgusting. A child is a blessing and is not a toy. The double standard shit is gross and I seriously feel so bad for most children these days.
He wants to be active in his childs life. Isnt that a good thing?
No wonder why most father’s aren’t in their child’s life. A child is not a ticket for money (child support) if they want to be and help as much as you.
Mother’s are not the only parent!
Not until she is 18 months is what most state laws are
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What!? The baby’s FATHER wants to have his own child over night??? That’s terrible! Robbi Cook-Columna lol
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Aside from the overnight with dad issue, why do you want to breastfeed for only a month? After a month you’re only just starting to get into a routine and your milk supply is barely regulated. Tell dad he’s gonna have to wait until baby is on a more regular schedule for sleepovers. If you’re not married to the man and you don’t have a legal agreement in place he has no rights to demand the baby stay overnight anyway.
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He can keep dreaming
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You are taking time away from him though. He’s upset because that is time to bond with dad too. He wants to be apart of his child’s life. He wants to raise his child. Be thankful. He has rights, to tell you the truth, a judge won’t really care if you breastfeed and use that to try and keep baby away… they’ll tell you to pump. It’s a difficult situation and it’s just not ideal for anyone but he has rights.
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You got pregnant by a man you’re just “talking” too. That’s the first problem. You do not have to put him on birth certificate nor does he have to see her. A judge will tell you that.
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Honestly it’s your call, if you want to exclusively breast feed don’t let ANYBODY make you feel bad about that. He can grow up and go to you if he really wants to see his new child
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He"ll get over it, or he won’t, lol
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Don’t let him take the child until you have a custody order in place and a set visitation schedule.
Without those in place he doesn’t have to return the child.
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I wouldn’t be comfortable giving my baby to anyone over night. Sorry, but your baby needs you and it takes a few weeks to establish breast feeding. And some babies won’t take to a bottle, no matter what your plans are! I would stick with the breastfeeding and bond with that baby. Let him know he’s welcome to come over. It will be early days and baby doesn’t need to be that far away from mom to begin with, not to mention germs and baby having a brand new immune system.
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He can come visit with her or stay the night at your house and see her. But how have y’all only been “talking” for 2 years?!?!?
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Mine wanted the same and the drs basically said if I agreed to that they’d be concerned. Absolutely not was there answer
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First this shouldn’t even be a fight already when the baby isn’t even here. Second I agree with not letting my child as a newborn stay over night away from me especially 2 hours away. Breastfeeding or not. Sounds like he needs to move closer. But if he goes to court he will get every other weekend and usually every Wednesday night. Hope it all works out
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i think that you are already in a tizzy because you are “just talking.” my mouth dropped when you said she wasn’t even born yet. Come on girl.
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Wow the questions on here today are really something. How about you got yourself pregnant by a man you weren’t even an official thing with…who by the way already has a child barely out of diapers with someone else.
That is the babies father. Too bad, so sad sweetie, but you chose this. Don’t deny your daughter her bonding with dad just because after being totally reckless with her conception you now “have a plan” 
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Yall get mad dads don’t want to be involved but then keep kids from dads that want to be involved. Gross. Dads are important too and deserve to bond with their kids.
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You do realize that, as least in NY state, it doesn’t matter if you’re breastfeeding. If he were to go to court for custody. It wouldn’t make a difference if you’re breastfeeding.
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Stop. Let him take his baby
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Just don’t put him on the birth certificate
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Don’t you dare let him take your newborn baby, absolutely not!!! No ifs ands or butts!!! NO ONE can take care of that newborn baby like his mama!!! and nobody should be taken care of it but you, in your home where you can keep one eye open and one foot on the floor!!! because that’s what we do. And you have to really be careful around other kids, 99.9% of men don’t know how to take care of a newborn baby and wouldn’t even want to try, you’re asking for trouble if you do that, I don’t feel like the baby would be safe I’m sorry just my opinion. I wouldn’t give a shit if he was pissed off or not!!!
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Most states have laws which accommodate breastfeeding for the first year. Seek legal advice in your state
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You can’t dictate when and how he can be a father. You are doing all this now and in 6 months when you want “me” time and he refuses to keep the baby overnight you’ll be calling him a deadbeat SMH. Baby ain’t even here yet and is being fought over like a piece of property. Grow TF up and learn to co-parent cause there will never be an “official relationship” between the two of you.
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Nope nope nope. If my husband and I weren’t together I wouldn’t let me newborn go anywhere over night either. He can man up and come to you, not expect you to just hand your baby over after giving birth
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So is he not bringing around the son? What about to meet the baby? Does the son even know he has a sibling coming??
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Don’t you mean to say that your childs father wants to be involved but your just not going to let him??
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Not with her being young no he should come there maybe move closer but that baby will be way too young to be traveling like that. Maybe it’s just me but the first 2 months of a baby life visitors and outings should be very limited
But that’s me like others have said maybe him staying at your house for the first month or two with her being so little will be better or you going over to his house and staying for a few days with her
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You sound like he needs custody 
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Too bad for him let him be mad. He has no say or rights over a baby that isn’t even here yet anyways. Frankly. I’d say establish paternity through court first and that will buy you time to breast feed. 
you don’t have to hand baby over to him at all and if he don’t want to come see the newborn the way you offer, then he must not want to see baby and “bond” as badly as he claims:woman_shrugging:t2:. Breast feeding will stand in court. They just want to try to determine if it’s in the best interest of baby or if it’s out of malice. So you will be questioned on your motives (MAYBE). Breast feeding is very important and don’t let him be selfish and hamper your chance to do what is best for the baby. The “it’s his baby too” shit, ignore it. New babies NEED mom. The end. Don’t stress this guy:roll_eyes: you’ve been “talking” to for how many years? Dude can’t even commit. Do you with your new baby and enjoy. Everything will fall into place with time 
Honestly , as a newborn I wouldn’t let them go for awhile to anywheres , maybe ask him to come stay the night at your house , maybe he could spend the weekend or even a night at first .
Compromise 
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He can have you over night too. I wouldn’t be ok with over nights till 3 months. If then even.
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A lot of bitter baby mamas on here
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You guys need to work together… easier said than done. Having said that, there’s no way I’m letting my newborn go anywhere without me. No overnight visits. Dad needs to understand what’s right for the baby, not what he wants. Being 2 hrs away from each other is going to make this a lot more complicated.
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If you can’t trùst them overnight thèn why in the wòrld would you reproduce wíth that person.
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So your bond is important but his isn’t? I had to pump with all three of mine none latched and they are all bonded just fine.
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What is wrong y’all saying she is keeping the baby away from him? Do you have common sense? She said “NEWBORN” that baby needs to be with her mother being so small. Once the baby is older it’s fine.
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You are keeping her from him. You are both parents to this child and the child deserves to bond with both of you. First it will be he can’t handle a newborn, (when men are fully capable). Then it will be oh she’s never been anywhere without me. Then it will be oh I can’t pump enough for a bottle. Then it will be she can’t go to sleep without me around.
You cannot dictate the relationship a baby has with her father. And you can’t force him to come to your house. Point blank, she has a right to bond with all of her family and you are trying to control that. If you wanted better control you should not have had a child with someone you’re not in an official relationship with.
I know many won’t agree with me because most are controlling mothers who think dads are inferior for parenting, but, this is why many think this way. You think moms are the only ones important to kids.
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i’m sorry…you been “talking” how long now? 
Sounds like a guy knocked up his friend w bennies…
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Nope not at all let him b mad
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Nope. Wouldn’t happen.
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Why doesn’t he bring her when his son is around ? that’s a red flag and super weird
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Talking for two years?! 
must’ve been the best convo evaaaa! Lol. But fr, I hope y’all figure out a solution that works great for both of y’all.
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NOPE! Most state parenting guidelines say under 1 is only a few hours away from the mother TWO days per week not consecutive, especially if breast feeding.
Tell him grow up & do what’s best for his child. 
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He should be able to have his baby overnight. Sometimes you’ll have to pump. Its just life.
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You feel that strong now. Wait until the baby is here… She needs to be with mom especially if you’re breast feeding. I couldn’t imagine an overnight visit away from my newborn. Stick to your guns. He should be more accommodating.
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Why do Dads get such a raw deal. They can’t bond cause they don’t produce milk? If he’s a decent man, you’re robbing him. Or marry him…
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At that little of an age the baby needs to stay with you and I’m pretty sure no court system is going to tell you that you’ve got to give your newborn daughter overnight visits
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At that stage of her life nurturing is far more important. Breastfeeding is what triumphs here he will have bonding time during the day visits. And as you’ve said there is no restrictions as he has a key
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Why aren’t you guys thinking about moving in together???
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Be careful, play nice…. If he gets the courts involved it’ll be more than a night randomly…. He get visitation/custody rights, if he pursues it…
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OP: you’re not crazy. If he wants to bond, he can come to you.
I worry for some of y’all’s parenting skills wanting to send a newborn overnight ANYWHERE but with their mother 2 hours away. Especially breastfeeding.
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You want to bond and feel it’s crucial but it’s not crucial for him to bond with his daughter ?
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Do people not use birth control? She is in a relationship where they only talk and she’s pregnant? And he has a 3 yo with someone else! The baby is not even here and they are already making decisions! Is this real or someone has nothing better to do?
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Y’all are fighting over something that hasn’t happened yet. You don’t know what your feeding journey will be. He doesn’t clearly realize how intense a newborn is. The bond I also feel isn’t true except for mom to baby. Baby just wants food. Bf is great so if you can and want to do it then do it. I didn’t pump that first month either after reading so much about getting supply. And it worked. Well. Not for my mental health but for my supply lol. Tell him to come over and you’ll go shit yourself in your room so he can have alone time with baby. Or if y’all are together…make it work together.
Move in together? That’s a solution lol but I do understand if you want to breastfeed then yeah he should respect that, buuut you should go over there on weekends or his days off and stay the night or he comes and stays the nights with you. But the best solution is if y’all wanna be together is move in together because BOTH of y’all need to be in her life right from the start.
I lived with my parents when I first had my daughter for the first year of her life and my baby daddy lived a hour away so it was rough and caused a lot of fights because I was breastfeeding and was not gonna use a bottle. So the best solution is to move in together if y’all actually want to be together and if you aren’t gonna be in a abusive situation.
These comments got me like:
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I’m actually appalled at some of these comments. If a father wants to be a part of his child’s life, why would any mother jeopardize that unless there were serious drug problems or abuse! If you felt comfortable enough to play house knowing there is a chance to get pregnant what is the problem now. He has just as much right to the baby as the mother does. Women who play games and don’t want the father to have rights need to grow up. This will affect the baby in the long run. People need to grow up and learn to co parent. Why is it fair for him to travel to her every time he wants to see his child. Maybe she would make a sacrifice and stay at a hotel where he lives as well so he can spend time with his child. I’m a mother and there is no way in hell I would play games on visitation regardless of age. Too many women use their babies as a pawn and that’s not right. They need to sit down like adults ( like they did when they had sex) and come to a compromise. Alternate weekends etc. father’s have just as much rights to their children as mothers do. I wonder if she works, so when she goes back to work is she going to take the baby with her to breast feed? 
when you’re in this type of situation, pumping would work wonders. Just my opinion!
You both need go sit and have a discussion about your future co parenting. He has every right to see your daughter. Find what works best for both of you. Have him spend the weekend and bond together too. Be sure to keep him updated and send pictures if he’s not around. You both have to keep your lines of communications open and find out what yoir expectations are.
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First off I would like to say thank you for saying “our daughter”. Some ladies cant do that. After 2years of “talking” and not much else. I would be concerned about sending the child off too. However he has a right to his child too. Contact a lawyer for your state. They will be able to advise a good plan that can fit for both of you. You both have to work together.
According to The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), for the first 3 to 6 months it is extremely crucial for a breast fed baby to feed directly from breast. Now hear me out before anyone comes at me here. The reason being when a baby latches to the breast the saliva can indicate to moms body if the baby is lacking or needing anything. Ever noticed when your baby was sick your breast milk changed in color and thickness. Anything from an ear infection to a cough. So if this is where her intentions root from, I do understand. If it’s from a different angle then that’s a little messy for me anyway prayers to all involved!
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No where did I see this lady say that she didn’t want them to bond or that he shouldn’t see this baby. I wouldn’t want my newborn baby 2 hrs away from me either 
she stated he can come over, & that he has a key. I’m sure if he has a key to her home, she also has one for his… does he have a nursery set up there? How do you know he will do well with night feeds?? I say stay with her at his home until you feel comfortable leaving her there overnight without you…
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For those saying this mother should of thought of the fact that she was sleeping with and got pregnant from a guy she’s “talking to” who lives two hours away and wants to keep his child over night, and telling her he has just as much right….
HE too SHOULD OF thought of the fact that he was “talking to” and got pregnant someone who lives 2 hours away, and what that would mean for their child.
He too needs to think of what’s best for his soon to be newborn.
She isn’t keeping the child from him. She’s doing what she feels is best for her child, AND states he has a key to her place. So he has access to see his child.
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At least you have a man wanting to take care of and keep his child! Looks like you’re going to have to pump mama
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Did you plan this pregnancy?
If so, yikes.
This is only going to get worse when the child is born and grows.
He will have to get a hotel near you if he wants to be with baby at the start.
If you are breastfeeding too bad so sad for him.
He will have to make sacrifices, not ask a newborn sacrifice eating and nutrition for his comfort.
But when baby is older, you will have to make uncomfortable sacrifices too!
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Hahahaha… he is freaking funny -_-
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Do not send baby with him til you have a custody order in place. Also get your key back from him, since you aren’t together it will be best to get your key in case he decides to take baby without permission. If he takes baby before custody is established you could lose custody and would not be able to have baby returned til after a custody hearing.
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Absolutely not. Nope.
I don’t even think he can legally do that.
Why doesn’t he stay over w you?
You two should b able to get along enough to both bond w the baby in her early weeks.
You shouldn’t have to send the baby w him, a newborn needs their mother, but he should also b w baby.
Come to a mature agreement & honestly I think that is the best thing for you guys & baby.
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First
It doesn’t matter if bubs is breast or bottle fed
You will still have that bond
The father can actually take you to court for his rights as a father
And if the judge says he can have over night visits and regular visits out of your home
You have to abide by that order
You said in your post that “you and your babies father have only been talking for 2 years but aren’t in an official relationship”
So I’m guessing it was only a hook up for a booty call?
Basically as parents you both have equal rights
As for his other child it comes across as as you already resent the time he spends with his other child
It’s up to you to either co-parent reguardless of the distance in locations
Or find a way of legally proving he would be unable to care for bubs
Start by letting him have bubs for day visitation at his home and work up to overnight visits
As bubs isn’t here it
When it’s born
You can always put down on the birth certificate “father unknown”
Then he can take you to court and demand a paternity test
If he is the father (Not saying he isnt)
The court can order shared custody
For the father
But whatever you decide to do
Impacts your baby
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its his kid. share. period.
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Baby is #1 here … Let her grow up a little then decide.
ALWAYS go with your gut!
BREAST is BEST!!
Please tell me he plans to pay Child Support …
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So tell him no?! Lol really not hard. He can come to you, if you are together. Or better yet move in together.
That wouldn’t happen unless I would be able to stay too, just until she a little older. My husband and I had a baby almost a year ago and I wouldn’t let him stay alone with her or take her by himself. He didn’t change a poopy diaper for weeks since he has such a bad gag reflex.
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I think the fuck not.
In my state there’s no over nights until 3 years old unless non custodial has had previous over nights.
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Y’all clearly in your feelings and not really reading what she is saying. No where did she say she isn’t sharing or doesn’t want him involved. It’s a freaking breast feed new born. She has every right to exclusively breast feed whether he lived two hours or two minutes away. He disappears when his 3 year old is in the picture despite him having access to her and her house. What mother is sending her newborn two hours away? I’m sure none of you did so stop it. He can spend time with his newborn at her house until the baby is older then they can work out further visitation. But a newborn, y’all need to get real
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Im just trying to see who let their newborn go 2hrs away from them over night??? Cause I’m not judging her But im definitely judging you IDC!!! I barely wanted my baby to go to the nursery at the hospital! Dad can come to you mama until baby is old enough
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Yeah, even if you go to court they won’t grant him overnight visits until that baby is much bigger. Welfare of the child is first and foremost, if dad wants to have “sleepovers” - HE can sleepover!
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Some of y’all are CRAZY if you think she should let her NEWBORN stay overnight without her 2 hours away. Idc who he is. He should be ashamed to even suggest that. She is allowing him, with his KEY, to come to her house as he pleases, so he needs to do just that. There’s absolutely no way I would allow that. Bonding with dad is VERY important so he should go to your house and bond every chance he can or you at his. You are ALL baby knows. She’s lived inside of you for 9 months you can’t just separate her. Dads are important but they’re NOT equal… the babies breathing and heart rate are regulated by YOURS. MOM makes milk specifically for babies needs, not dad and not formula. If you WANT to use formula, great! No decent person would separate a newborn from their mother like this within the first month?? Some people don’t respond to pumping milk, so feed formula bc dad wants baby for sleepovers? That’s ridiculous. He has a key and can come see baby and stay the night with baby whenever he wants and he wants to take the baby 2 hours away from you overnight? RUN FAST!
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New born stage i feel like babe should stay with momma. If you nurse no judge will make you give the child overnight. Plus some babes don’t do well switching from breast to bottle so until the baby is switching back and forth comfortably I would not let your child stay overnight with father. I don’t know how well he will be around a screaming newborn that’s hungry all hours of the night🤷♀️
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First of all contact an attorney, he has the same rights as you and second of all you might as well prepare to pump, sometimes it’s necessary incase you have too much milk coming in and also so Dad can feed the baby as well 
. You don’t know if you will be able to breast feed many women can’t so the bonded issue is out the window and would not hold up in court Once the baby is here you most likely will need a break to rest up and sounds like Dad is more than willing to participate .No court will ever make him come to your house to see his on child and it doesn’t matter if he lives 10 hours away. Take care of the legal matters first such as custody issues and paternity tests You have plenty of time before the little one gets here Don’t stress yourself out over issues that are not in your control and focus on the ones that are .Dads are getting custody more often these days so be careful about posting anything negative about him and keep your family matters in your family .Best of luck to you both.
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He is just as much her father as you are her mother, imagine if he said you couldn’t have her overnight and always had to go to his house 
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not a newborn n u mentioned that when he has his 3 yo son he dont come around so my question is is he even gonna want his newborn around when he has his son but again i say not a newborn he wants to see her he needs to come to u
A judge will not order overnights in my state until at least age 2 regardless of if baby is breastfed or not. You are not being unreasonable.
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No a newborn can’t be away from mom for very long
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Omg just work it out where a father who wants to be a hands on
Father has the opportunity to do so. Just mess for no reason the baby isn’t even here yet and it’s this messy? This is the time for communication, compromising and a plan should be taking place no a feud a chid has to be born in.
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I think he should come stay over instead.
I’m sure he will want to anyways because if not he would have to get up every two hours. It’s best if y’all are a team and take turns.
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Sad the children suffer because of parents bad decisions. Heart breaking.
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Dad is being unreasonable in this situation. If you are a breast feeding Mom the baby needs you there as much as possible. I would not be ok with overnights w Dad (without you) until she’s either on a bottle or eating solids if you plan to exclusively breast feed so that’s at least 4-6 months old.
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Not until the baby is at least 1 years old, especially if he is not just around the corner, tell him to educate himself on this topic about newborns and their need to be with their moms due to breastfeeding or bonding in general. I would not trust anyone alone with my newborn baby, maybe he can come and do a shift or two taking care of the baby at night (or 24 hours) at your house while you there just in case it’s not going so smoothly
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I could never do that as a mom. If he wants to stay with her so bad he would need to come to me. As a woman and a mother. Go with how you feel if he gets mad. Oh well. A new born always needs to be with there momma.
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Not y’all arguing over a baby that’s not even here
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You people are fucking crazy to be saying that a newborn, a one week old or two week old or even a month should be 2 hours away from their mother?!! What kind of mothers are you? Thats too little to be away from mom. Not to mention on what planet does it make sense for a woman who just gave birth to drive two hours after packing up a baby and all that stuff to then drop off the newborn to their dad when dad can just jump in the car and make the drive by himself real easy. You people blow my mind
I would just focus on being pregnant right now and not the rest of the other crap don’t stress yourself out just enjoy your pregnancy right now.
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