Has he ever heard of a puppy that shouldn’t be taken from its mother in the first 8 weeks? Well it’s the same damn thing here. He can sleep at your place or FaceTime you… he also needs to realize how often you will be nursing the first few nights… it’s like every 2 hours and through the night. Unless he has milk in his boobs… I think he needs to just take a seat. He has a lifetime to go with baby girl.
Don’t back down. You are right on this one. If he wants to see you or her, he can come to YOU. I guess this is why you aren’t together, but YOUR RULES !!! By the way, Don’t “bottle spoil” your baby. Pump & store if you MUST, but once I bottle fed my oldest, she didn’t want to breast feed anymore. Please talk to your doctor.
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Also, I recommend that he take the “dad class” if your hospital offers it. He definitely should do that or at least go to a class with you.
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i never let my little man or my daughter out of my sight until they were around 5-6months that’s personal preference though… maybe he should stay at yours and help and learn what it’s like to have baby on his own since I’m guessing he thinks it will be easy as he already has a child ( it’s completely different by the way )
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’ The first month of a babies life is crucial.’
Your words
And yet you want to deny him overnight visits because you want to breastfeed.
Sorry. How selfish. If he is a good day. Let him have her.
Pump for a night
He deserves that bonding time as much as you
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Our grandson never got to leave momma until she was done breast feeding. Not everyone pumps and if he wants to see her/him he will have to come down, rent a room and be back for feedings. Judge agreed.
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“Just talking” but you’re pregnant?! Clearly there is some already established issues here even you can’t even say you had a fling/one night stand etc. Nevertheless you need to see an attorney. Stop arguing over a baby that hasn’t arrived. Pregnant women don’t need that stress. The father needs to grow up.
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Even if you weren’t breastfeeding, a newborn needs their mother. I’m not saying dads aren’t important or that they don’t take care of their babies too but newborns still rely on their mother’s heartbeats to calm them down, especially during the first few months
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He should come visit baby at your home for a first while
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Breastfed newborns usually feed on demand and can have a hard time latching have to both bottle and beast pumping is great but with a newborn there’s no way to judge how much you need to pump for the time alloted . what if his car breaks down and he can’t get baby home or there’s a storm and baby is stuck there longer with no BM . sometimes a lot of beast milk get wasted in bottles baby don’t finish then what I think 2 hrs is just to far set up a cot and welcome him to stay with you In your home .
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Clearly, you’re in a relationship. Also, he’s entitled to half the bonding contact if you think about it. It’s not all about mothers. He should stay in a hotel near you or you both reside in a mutual location to fully parent and bond with this kid. Get a lawyer, but be prepared, it might not be anything you agree 100% on. Give and take.
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That baby needs to stay with you until they’re 6 months old. You can’t put a newborn through a lot of back and forth like that it’s bad for them. They need stability and the parent that feeds them the most, which is usually you if you plan to breast feed.
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I breast fed all my babies for a year or more it’s vital you keep her with you during breast feedings !If he wants to share he has to come to you to see his daughter !I hope you guys can work it out for your daughter don’t put her in the middle !
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Nope, he shouldn’t play house if he doesn’t want to play by the rules….and umm talking for two years…come on
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Nope change the locks and nope nope nope
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Hopefully the daughter doesn’t grow up with the same low self-esteem so she’s impregnated by a man who thinks she’s only good enough for “talking” instead of a relationship. 
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It’s his child to so got to grow up. You both made a baby.
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Nope. A newborn is defenceless.Also what is he going to for feeds if Bubs cluster feeds as newborns do or my kids would throw up the breastmilk randomly and be hungry straight after. Also growth spurts. He needs to realise that he can come and go as he pleases and you can organise night at yours or other ways for him to bond like doing baths and showers with Bubs. Till Bubs is a little older and a routine is established.
Also I knew someone who let her ex have the baby and he was charged with shaking the baby. We all warned her not to let him take the baby but, they had known each other for 10+ years and helped out with his baby siblings so she though he was going to be okay.
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Your mother’s instinct comes first. The baby comes first
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Yeah no I wouldnt. 2 years and not official with new baby otw doesnt seem right. Nope he can just stay at your place so you can see how he really is especially around your daughter.
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some ppl don’t respond well to pumping causing mastitis and such. she’s only asking for a month. let her heal with her baby before shipping her around sheesh
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While children need to have both parents (if both parents are healthy enough mentally and emotionally) newborns NEED their mother more if possible during the first few months, especially when breastfeeding. He needs to understand this and come visit at your house when he doesn’t have his 3 year old. When he does, he can video chat if he doesn’t want to bring the 3 year old around for whatever reason.
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So. Give it a go. Room together. It’s all an adjustment and bond you all.
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Ok so why can’t yall just stay together I mean that would be the best solution
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If this comment thread has taught me anything, it has taught me why men call women evil. 
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Could he spend the night at your place or you spend the night at his once in a while?
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Then he should move closer
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If he wants to spend more time with her then he can move closer.
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Get court orders in place
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Wow. Just wow. He’s the dad too and bonding in the newborn stage is just as important for them. It’s not just your baby.
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Man unlocked a new level of audacity 
my baby’s dad visited her DAILY during the day, and still she cried like crazy when I left her w/him for 3hs, at 8 months. Overnight visitation is not appropriate for newborns, and you risk him shaking her or otherwise harming her if he can’t het her to sleep or stop crying (he doesn’t seem attuned to your baby’s needs at all). This man is gonna give you trouble. He has the audacity to give you unnecessary worry during the pregnancy, and he will get worse and worse. Lawyer up, mama 
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Breastfeeding is recommended for the first 2? Maybe more years of life and exclusively for the first year. He shouldn’t be doing overnights for THAT long, at least. He could stay on the couch for that time? Doesn’t he want THE. BEST. for his child??
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Do not put him on birth certificate. Warning you now. He already sounds like he would try to keep her from you if you do something he don’t agree with
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If you want to breastfeed then do it. Don’t let him stop you because he wants his daughter at his house. Plus if your feeding her he can’t exactly have her at his house till she is bottle feed.
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That we s very 
. I agree with you the first month is a very important message nth with bonding with your baby as you start breastfeeding. To bad that he does not understand this. You sound like you have been fair. stand your ground . Good luck . 
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Nope…I wouldnt let him or anyone take my newborn. He can come visit when its convient. Let him by all means build a relationship with her but not overnight…
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Even Samuel had to be weaned off his Mum before she gave him to service for God in his temple. Awesome Dad wants his baby girl but that bond between Mother and baby is crucial. Samuel went on to be a great Prophet servant of the Lord. She is blessed to have two that love her so though, Arohānui =much love
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So he hasn’t got his way now hes not talking to you? What a twat! The sign of things to come my dear. Get your housekey back asap
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Do you not let him come over with his son? Just him stay over for the night when you have her it may help you out more.
Have you thought about going with her or he staying at yours after birth? Bonding is important for both parents this way he gets the time she needs with him but your also there to breastfeed and she gets what she needs from both of you. She also needs skin to skin within those first few weeks as it her way to bond with him ,her bond with you is made through feeding. Co-parenting is hard work but you need to make a arrangement that benefits her not just one of you and unfortunately there is going to be times in the future where it does inconvenience one of you. Co-parenting is not about the parents its about what the child needs and deserves and how you both can help her thrive in life.
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I really can’t believe y’all are actually telling her she shouldn’t let that child’s FATHER keep HIS child. Y’all are weird
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First I suggest you change your locks.
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He can come stay with you. My fiance had a separate apartment 2 towns over when I was pregnant and after I had our daughter. He stayed with me the weeks before and after having her. Then her never left lol. If he wants to he will. He might not be able to be there everyday but he can find a way; especially if he is going to be supportive of your breast feeding journey.
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I can’t belive how many people think it’s ok to keep a child from it’s parent. Mothers are NOT more important than fathers!!!
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Tell him to come stay with u for a bit so u can both bond with the baby and he can help out
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My daughter is 11 n isnt allowed overnights anywhere not dads, gramas, auntie, friends…. soooo she don’t sleep nowhere but home and idgaf who don’t like it
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He has a side chick and wants to play house with your baby. If he wants time with a newborn without you, their is no other reason.
Do not allow him to take your baby. Change your locks. Get a lawyer immediately. Get a dog for protection. Get a security system.
If possible move in with your parents or a close friend. Do not tell him where you are until you speak with a lawyer. You want representation for whatever he tries with you.
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Funny how when women get pregnant many men avoid the women and don’t want to talk to them. It’s like they are in denial or something . Guessing that Maybe they about to lose getting all of the pregnant woman’s attention? I just don’t get it. They should be there holding that woman that’s about to deliver the greatest gift of a lifetime. What a blessing that he be missing.
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Hopefully you all can come to an agreement. First off, sounds like you are not worried about the well being of your alls child in his care. Which is awesome! The main issues is breastfeeding and the distance. Maybe you all can come to an agreement and take turns staying at the others place the first 6 weeks. Stay at his place a bit and then stay at yours. Once 6 weeks hit, there really is not an excuse as to why the the baby couldn’t stay 50/50 nights with you both. Breastfeeding Mothers everywhere return to work 6 weeks postpartum and they make it work and their babies are just fine. So unfortunately, that really isn’t a good reason. His is the father, so he has every right to be in your alls baby’s life as you do. He deserves the bond as well. Hopefully you all can figure out something that benefits all 3 of you, otherwise you all will be going to court it sounds like.
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I’d tell him to grow up, do whats best for the baby not himself and then remind him where the door is.
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My son didn’t stay the night with his dad until 6 months old BUT he had frequent lengthy visits with baby at his house 2-3x a week. I think it’s what works best for you, and it’s s good thing he wants to be involved and you’re allowing it.
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I’m all for 100% equal patenting time and no one being more important than the other for any reason. They need as much time with dad as they do mom, it’s healthy and fair 
HOWEVER even my own husband who is a great man, husband and excellent, attentive, caring and nurturing father knows he is not taking my newborn anywhere without me esp overnight… that’s insane, newborns need momma too much and esp around the feeding, supply, schedule etc issues… that would be a hard no for me too!!!
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I swear
If dads don’t get involved enough they’re the bad guys.
If they try and actually do half the work then they’re butting in too much.
He’s the father.
He’s allowed to have his child as much as you are.
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TF. He sounds hella childish. If he wants to see the baby, he can come to you and stay over.
He needs to research maternal separation in infants. I know it will only be an overnight but at least for the first 6-8 months, the baby should be with YOU, the mom. Maternal separation anxiety can alter the brain.
YOU are all the baby is familiar with. YOU are everything the baby knows.
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Most judges won’t force obernights for 3-6 months. However, you need a custody order. Do not wait. See a lawyer now and get things order.
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All u people shes breast feeding, where do u think any of what u say is ok, the baby needs her, its a newborn, wth mom and baby come 1st!
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Ok. Not judging. I’m old. So help me out. You’ve been talking, hanging out for 2 years. He has keys to your home. You are having his baby BUT it’s not a relationship? I’m just a bit confused.
As far as breastfeeding. Absolutely go for it. If he wants to come crash on the couch. Great. But you need to recover for at least 6 weeks before you even think about who can keep the baby. I mean if he wants to take her and show her to family, I’d work something out. Either go with or something. But I think you guys need to decide what you are before deciding when and if baby can stay over night and at what age. Just my thoughts.
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Don’t take drastic internet advice from internet strangers with man hating issues. Talk to the guy and figure things out before baby comes.
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Breastfeeding is great for bonding but my baby wouldn’t latch so I couldn’t breastfeed for long… but we are still bonded… so I wouldn’t worry about that too much. And secondly, the father shouldn’t be claiming rights for keeping her with him when shes not even born yet
Newborn should be with the mother for at least the first 6 months
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Don’t blame you I wouldn’t let my newborn away from me either hopefully you find a happy medium
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I definitely would not let him take my child overnight especially in first 3-4 months , it’s up to him to make bonding time , and definitely get court custody , lots of women are still trying to get their children back from a weekend visit
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2 years just talking, no relationship, when he has his son he isn’t talking or around you and you are pregnant. You are the hidden side chick. Figure out if you are the hidden chick or if there really is a chance with him. If he agrees to staying at each other’s place after baby is born and introduces you to his son it might grow but other than that no one knows what is going on.
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The innocent soul aint here yet, but you guys , you are busy fighting already? Yoh what a world to live in?
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You need to get a lawyer and work out a custody agreement that doesn’t include overnights.
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He sounds pretty childish & selfish tbh. Or like he doesn’t understand the whole concept of exclusively breastfeeding. And doesn’t understand the mother/baby bonding experience. Its selfish of him to want to take the newborn away from mama. You’re ALL that baby has known for 9 mos, and you’re it’s comfort & safe place. I would really insist that he wait until the baby is a few months older for overnights away from you. I would be all out of sorts if I had to send my newborn away for overnights… even if it is his father.
So the bond you build… what about the bond he build? You are BOTH the babies parent… why do you think you are entitled to keeping baby on your terms and conditions? If you don’t want to express than you need to bottle and breast feed so baby can bond with daddy as well… if you decide to have baby in a 2 home family than you must learn to share
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Your bond, your this, you that. Let him do this, let him do that.
It isnt just YOUR baby. Its his baby to. Stop being a child and talk to the damn man and come to a compromise. His bond with that baby is just as important as yours is.
Maybe I’m a little old fashion because my children are grown, with that being said my babies didn’t go anywhere with anyone till almost 4 months. I was really picky about who came over to because of the factor that I didn’t want them getting sick. I surely didn’t want anyone bringing anything into the house either. The only things my newborn babies and I did were doctors appointments. I did have a lot of help from my mom so if I needed to go to the grocery store she would watch them for an hour or she would grocery shop for me. I always had diapers, wipes, cleaning supplies, baby soap and lotions stocked up for close to 6 months if not more. My children’s father and I lived together for years but the responsibility was mine 
. However that’s a whole other story. He needs to respect that with the world going through a pandemic that the baby’s health comes first.
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No why would a mother want her newborn gone from her especially while breastfeeding no thank you! I’d tell him either move closer or I’m sorry sir
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Depending on where you live, courts may tell you tough shit and figure it out because the baby’s father has the same rights as the baby’s mother. With that being said, the bond you build with your child can be intense whether you breastfeed or not, so please stop saying stuff like that.
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As an attorney I can tell you that it is generally accepted by courts that when the child is 3 years and older overnight contact with the other parent may commence.
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No way Come visit as much as you want.
This sounds very side chick-ish.
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Stay in your comfort zone. I wouldn’t let him take him either. Maybe alternate between you guys staying at each other’s house. You never know how labor could go you might need help. Plus you don’t have to let him do anything. Your baby!
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I held my child for the first two months of her life. I barely ever put her down. There is no way in he’ll I’d let her sleep away from me.
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Don’t allow overnights I refused it thru out my daughter’s parental agreement,if he can’t commit what makes you think his gonna be responsible for the night …father or no father it’s dangerous for girl baby’s to be out without the mother cos alot of unreal things are happening and he can take the baby and not give you bk ,the police won’t be able to help you even get the child.it happend to me .I had to go fighting with my parental agreement
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If he wants to see her he would have to come to your house again she is a newborn. Also watch who you have around your child, the less people the better ex specially with COVID.
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The courts usually let the mom and baby work on breastfeeding the first month or 3, but after that it’s a shared custody
You’re being a total pushover babe not even trying to be mean I wouldn’t let the baby stay anywhere over night until you are fully done breastfeeding it will mess with your supply I couldn’t even breastfeed in front of people or my milk supply would go down do not feel bad at all for keeping your baby home with you he should be coming to you every time and he should be in a relationship with you 2 years and you’re “talking” and you’re having his child and he’s mad at you ignoring you not thinking about how you’re feeling pregnant he’s a Dbag you need to stand up to him let him know you are the baby’s Mother and it’s weird he doesn’t come around when he’s with his son and not trying to be with you sounds like something is going on with the sons Mom take care of you and your baby not saying keep the baby from him at all I don’t believe in being petty while I parenting but you gotta go see a therapist and talk to them about this all you should have to worry about right now is your baby he should be taking care of you making your life easier right now and that’s it
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Soooo. Y’all aren’t together. But he got you pregnant.
Does he have a wife? A girlfriend? Cause what?
Are y’all under 18?
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He can wait until she’s off the tit for overnights. That’s only fair. I have two children out of a domestic situation and their father respected the value of nursing.
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I would be extremely careful with that. My girl barely goes anywhere without me . I would not have it any other way. It’s your choice . U should be with her at all times . At least till she can talk well and nose what is what. People are bad and can trust no one .
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I would say he could come stay the night at your house but i would never let him take the baby… Ever
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Damn my son didn’t sleep over by his father until he was 1 and we in a relationship and live in the same street. My son didn’t even go out for a day without me for months. As a mother you’re protective and have every right to be. Yes you get father’s stepping up these days and they want the same treatment as women but taking a new born baby for a sleep over is way out of line…if he want it that bad he can sleep over or sleep with her during the day if that’s what he wants so you can rest
I dont think youre wrong. If he is two hrs away he should not keep a newborn over night without the mother esp being breastfed. Why cant he come stay with you or you with him if he wants her over night. If sonething happen and she needs you…youre two hrs away. Fuckkk that!!! If yall were in the same town that would be different! I couldnt do it …
He’s a prick. If he doesn’t understand the the importance and good things that come for her daughter with breastfeeding, maybe a doctor could tell him? Maybe he’s just being selfish.
So what I’m getting from these comments is that there are many women that use breastfeeding to have ultimate control over the baby.
Mind you I didn’t say all women. But definitely many women.
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Best interest of the child is what the court tries to decide. I have custody of all 7 of my babies and coparent with my sons dad. He came into his life when our son was 3 but even though we went to court once we make our own schedule. It is best for the children USUALLY to share custody IF both parents are able to parent correctly.
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I’ll sum all these comments up for you:
NO ONE HERE KNOWS. It’s different state by state. You need an atty and a custody order, the sooner the better. There is no crystal ball on Facebook. Every judge is different, and depends on their mood.
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Weird set-up but no, parents should have equal rights, but my daughter is 5 months and I still wouldn’t let her stay anywhere but with me, her dad is brilliant and we live together, but I haven’t even left her with him before either.
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No over nights. And get your key back…
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If he wants to be with the baby over night, he can stay the night with you. There is no reason a BF newborn should be away from their mom overnight. So much can go wrong.
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Tell.him to get his ass in a car and come come.u ! Baby needs to stay with mamma for at least 8 weeks for bonding xxx
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Hahahaha. Delusional man. No. Never would I ever. Keep breastfeeding and keep her home. Nope nope nope.
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A newborn should not be travelling like that I’m sorry its not ideal… no mother should have he baby taken away after she carried it for 9 months that could totally loose your bond with your baby some mothers just don’t care for their babies and pass them on to anyone when she’s four months over night stay should be cool
Basically you’re going to get a load of bitchy comments here from people with their own issues, and not much actual help.
Firstly, it seems you barely know this guy. Not judging-lots of people have been with someone years and it turns out they barely knew their real self. But I am concerned that he has a key. I’d put an extra lock on that he doesn’t have a key to.
The first three months are the “fourth trimester” and are hugely important. If you are planning to BF and it works out, you may not be able to pump, and if you can, it may disrupt Child from actually BF, and nor should you feel pressured to. It also means the main importance of BF is lost. Your body responds to the needs of the baby and the milk will change depending on what they need if baby gets ill or is in danger of being ill, your milk will produce the specific antibodies it needs. There will also be days where you can barely put baby down (cluster feeding). The WHO recommends feeding until two, but obviously from 6 months solid food will come in and start to take precedence
BF also greatly reduces the chance of sudden infant death syndrome.
On the subject of SIDS if you are cosleeping or accidentally cosleeping if you fall asleep, there is more risk from the father, which is why they say baby has to be on mother’s side of the bed because you are biologically more acclimatised to the needs of the baby. For the first six months baby is regulating their breathing and needs to be in the same room. It’s also not good for newborns to be travelling long distances in a car seat and supposed to take breaks every 20 mins. you probably know all this stuff but check out lullaby trust and discuss with your midwife.
It used to be that courts didn’t order overnights til 5 in the uk, but now there is a push from men’s rights activists for 50/50 from birth. Depending on what state you live in and the judge on the day, it’s hard to predict what may happen but you have plenty of evidence that staying with you for the first 6 months at least is in the best interests of the child.
The bonding thing is neither here nor there. In most couples where they live together, mother does most of the baby care and especially if BF, baby is attached to mother (literally) and yet the father still has a bond with the baby without taking them away from the mother for overnights 
funny that. Other family members also manage to bond. A child with a secure attachment to a primary carer (you) will fare better in both the short and long term. Being a good father isn’t about “gimme dat baby” in the early stages it’s playing a supporting role. There are years of parenting ahead and his role will grow.
You have also had the benefit of carrying this baby, access to midwives etc, and any problems with you will (if you were a danger in any way) be picked up. Whereas he has not had benefit of any of this support or assessment which is another risk. The fact he sees his three year old is irrelevant, maybe he wasn’t around when they were newborn but if you haven’t already I would make contact with that child’s mother and find out if there’s any history of child abuse or domestic abuse (yes if there was he would still get contact with the three year old because most courts are “contact at all costs”) . There are some red flags here.
Stay child focused, be reasonable speak to your midwives about this, but don’t let yourself be bullied into something that is not in the child’s interest.
Good luck. I hope this works out for you.
Your body its up to you tell him to bog of and that its good for baby if he dosent like it then tell him to stay away he shouldn’t be telling you how to feed baby yeh hes got an opinion but this is more than that he’s telling you not to do it which is quite strange a newborn shoild be with its mum it’s special binding time and ur ur babys saftey net the one who carried the one who the baby hears every day your smell everything and by not being around you could be really upsetting for your baby I def would put my foot down on this one
Honestly, everyone needs to start to think before they have children in these types of situations. The baby is mom and dads and you can’t keep the baby/child from dad. After the first month there is no reason you can’t pump and give dad a supply of breast milk to keep at his house. If he doesn’t want his son around you that’s his business. I don’t let my son around men I date. If or when I would ever be in a serious relationship, then I would let him be around them. But no need to introduce a child to someone that may not stay in his/her life. This should also make you happy because he will most likely do the same with your child.
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