I found out I was pregnant by my daughter’s father in August of 2019; prior to that, he was talking to another female at the same time he was me, and after I found I was pregnant, we had found out from a mutual friend she was too. At that point in time, he had messaged her asking questions, and she told him to “not worry about it, to leave it alone bc they’re another guy” so as she said, he left it alone. However, those babies she had (twins) are now nine months old. We have recently run into this girl at a baby shower of a mutual friend, and she didn’t say a word, his parents ran into her Sunday at her job, and she spoke up to tell them she had twins and offered a picture to show them. HOWEVER did not say anything about them possibly being his or even mentioned his name. He found out today from his mother about that situation. I am curious to know what i should do, or what anyone else would do in the situation?? I feel as tho if he was to contact her himself to pursue a DNA test and they came out to be his our relationship would be over, and I also feel as tho if she cared about those kids having a father she wouldn’t have told him to leave it alone in the beginning or even let it go this long she would have taken it upon herself to speak up if she felt the need to. Would you stay with your man in this situation? Would you encourage him to reach out? Or would you encourage him to let it go like she has told him to in the very beginning? Please give me your opinions!!
I mean you KNEW he was talking to other people at that time you can’t really be mad about it
Why would your relationship be over? If they were just seeing eachother before you guys made it official then I can only see it as a blessing? It would be hard but, if you love eachother you’ll work through it. I’d encourage him to find out the truth, just for peace of mind above all else, and not have anyone be able to say my partner doesn’t care for his children.
I would encourage to gain a relationship an stay with him. It was a known possability.
So this girl says someone else is the father and she’s not asking for a paternity test… why would your bf pursue one? Do the kids look like him??
It is between the two of them, and it appears that she does not want any legal ties to him regarding them. Why start drama that isn’t there?
He was talking to u both well u saying talking you dont get two people pregnant by talking to them 
personally id have cut contact, anyway you new the risks and stayed with him you cant end it cause now he might have 9month old twins you sound jealous
Those are possibly his children…he should definitely find out and step up! Who cares if she said no need! Kids deserve both parents! And if your going to leave him for being a parent and taking responsibility you need to reevaluate your priorities.
August 2019 was only 4 months ago if y’all both found out you were pregnant at that time how are the twins now 9 months old 
anyway he should definitely pursue DNA test and be in all his children’s lives they didn’t ask to born in the situation 
If they are his, he has a financial obligation to support them.
She says they aren’t his. She doesn’t want him. He’s okay with this. You need to come to terms with this.
The relationship should probably be over anyways. He was screwing around with both of y’all.
Why are women so insecure to stay in these BS positions? First off, I’d never stay with someone that had a baby with me and someone else at the same time, regardless of the DNA results. Clearly he was screwing you and someone else raw back to back. Two I wouldn’t want to be with someone that knew a child could be his, but did nothing about it. Quit enabling these bum dudes.
She said leave it alone. So i dont understand why you are asking for advice about it if she made it clear she was fine without him. Just leave her alone. If he wants to be in their lives you can stay in his too. its not a choice between you and her.
i would not stay with him she can have him but i would put him on child support
It’s really not about you at all
It’s between him, her, and those babies when they get older
Seems kind of stupid that you’d end your relationship over him having other kids though…
Wait so you knew he was talking to someone else at the same time but if the babies are his it’s a possible deal breaker for you? That’s kinda messed up in my opinion. I’d encourage him to reach out even to just let her know that if she doesn’t want him apart of their lives he can respect that but if there’s a chance they are his that he’d like to do a paternity test for biological reasons. Would i stay with him in this situation? Of course I’d stay with him if I loved him since I chose to sleep with him in a non committed relationship.
The better question is what does he want to do? Does he want to leave it alone or pursue it? Is this all just because it’s bothering you?
Twisted timeline…
If he knows he may possibly have kids and does nothing to step up…who is to stay he will step up to your kid…irresponsible
Sounds like you want out of this relationship and this would make it easier for you.
I’m confused as to how she found out she was pregnant in August of 2019 and already had them and they are 9 months old ? She’s only be like 4 or 5 months pregnant with the twins?
More information is needed…
Does he want to know for sure?
Does he have his doubt that they are not his?
Because if it was my husband/boyfriend, I’d be pushing for him to find out. Because I dont wanna be with a dead beat dad🤷♀️
Why would you leave him now? You KNEW you guys weren’t exclusive, you just happened to be who he stuck with.
You’re judging this girl pretty hard just because you wound up with the guy. It’s possible that because of timing, she knows it wasn’t your dude’s kid. It could be that she just truly wants nothing to do with him. Or maybe she’s got a new partner and doesn’t want to make things more complex. Who knows. Truthfully, it’s not your business at all. If your partner wants to fight for custody after they’re born, then he can go the DNA test route and all that.
I hope you’ve had an STD and HIV check done during pregnancy because sleeping with multiple people without protection sounds like a huge gamble
My fiance was seeing another girl when him and i were on a break. And she told him after they split up she was pregnant. Went back and forth w ot was his to it wasnt.
So now he plans to take her for a dna test to find out for sure if it is. Either way i support him 100% and will never ever treat the other baby differently
If youre gonna leave him just because he wants to be a good father then that says more abt you then him. Its not like he cheated. You knew he was talking to another person. You were ok with it. He did nothing wrong here. But thats just me.
you cannot force him to get a dna test done, and actually if you did and they were not his the proof of the distrust you have will break you two up anyways. you knew he was seeing her and that she was pregnant and the babies COULD be his…and you stayed with him anyways. Why is it suddenly now an issue to YOU? Why suddenly are you willing to dump him if they are his when you have known for a year they could be? Sounds like you already want out of the relationship and are now just trying to find an excuse and a reason to dump him. So just end it and stop stringing it along.
Umm you stayed with him this long why leave now
Regardless you knew he was having relations with this other women clearly. And he should have the right to be the father figure (if he is in fact the father) and you being his girl friend you should support and back this. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot. If you cant grow up break up the only ones suffering are the children at the end of the day.
It’s his choice hun but it’s something you got to live with too. You know that the twins could be his(even though the timeline don’t really add up from what you posted…). You knew this and choose to stay, to walk away once it’s confirmed just shows that you’re both lousy people. You choose to stay with someone that was “talking” to someone else. You enabled that behavior but you shouldn’t throw a fit if he decides to find out if they are his…and they end up being his since you knew the possible outcome. Personally I wouldn’t have stayed in a relationship where I knew my partner was cheating. I would have co-parented and been civil but had no relationship.
Well I’d get a dna test before she decides to petition the court for custody and support…
The DNA test should have been ordered long before now. They are either his or not his.
Have him go to court, get a judge to order a test, and then go from there
I would’ve left him after I found he was messing around with both us at the same time.
Ya’ll weren’t technically together when they were conceived. You obviously found out awhile back that they were potentially his despite her saying they were not.
You should have NEVER entered this relationship to begin with if you’re going to split upon finding out they are his. You KNEW the possibility was there and you should be thankful he’s honest with you and communicating with you. If they are his and you leave because of it, him and those kids deserve better anyway.
Those kids having a dad is more important than you and him having a relationship even with a baby. Again, he can still be a dad to your baby if you don’t want to be with him. That’s not right of her to keep him away either. I’d sue her for a DNA test
Its sounds like its not your business. If HE wants to reach out and see if they’re his, he can do that. She obviously wants nothing to do with him, so its on him. If you’re actively looking for an excuse to leave him and want to use this, sure go ahead. It says a lot about him if he doesn’t want anything to do with the potential of having twins and making it work being a dad. But that’s something HE needs to decide, not you. Take care of you and your kid. If he wants to talk to you and get your opinion then figure out what you would want, because you mentioned leaving him and not supporting him through this.
Them being his should not break your relationship. He should pressure a DNA test. The babies deserve to know the truth also
First off no I would not leave him because of that sense it was prior to you. As for reaching out that’s a tough situation because she has already told him to leave it alone and that the twins are not his however I know myself if I was in that situation I always would wonder if they were his, so I say it doesn’t hurt to have him talk to her one more time and see if she’s willing to do a DNA test.
He can go to the local child support agency and fill out the paperwork to get a paternity test done (which if it comes back positive child support will be issued to be paid until he goes to court for a custody agreement).
And if you accepted the fact that he had relations with her but cut it off in the beginning, why would it matter now?
Shit you’re just as trash as him to say “ if he was to contact her himself to pursue a dna test and they came out to be his our relationship would be over” so him having other kids, Which you knew was a possibility, yet ignored it, would end the relationship? Lmao TRASH
This is made up nonsense. If you found out in August that you were pregnant and she was too the babies couldn’t be 9 months old…
Here’s the real deal the children have the right to know who their father is. Period. Whether she says let it go or you can’t make up your mind to keep him or send him packing. You women need to be responsible as to who’s yo daddy,and daddy needs to be accountable for who’s his baby. Yall need to be responsible about your reproduction and what matters is the children they have the right to know where and who they come from.
Well it seems that you knew he was speaking to this female while he was with you so it shouldn’t be a surprise if they are his kids. However as a mother yourself you should have encouraged him from the beginning to not simply “let it go” even though you didn’t now I would, I would encourage him to reach out get a dna test and to be in those kids lives regardless it if ends your relationship. Those kids deserve a father just as yours does, your relationship doesn’t matter anymore only thing that does is those kids along with yours and all of you taking responsibility as parents. Only ones that will be affected badly if you allow him to just “let it go” will be those kids if he happens to really be the father. Nothing wrong with encouraging someone to do the right thing, that’s your boyfriend, you’re the mother to his child and them being his kids can impact you also because they would be your child’s half siblings.
What does your boyfriend want to do?
Did you mean August 2018?
If you were okay with him being with her while with you in the beginning then why do you all of a sudden want to leave if the babies are his? He needs to go to DHS and signup to do a paternity test even if she told him to leave it alone.
Ok, more information is needed. So, if you found out you were pregnant is August 2019, you’re still pregnant, right? How long have you and him been together for her to have 9 month old twins while you two were “talking or together”? Was he with her first and then started talking to you, but left her? Or were you both “talking” to him and not being exclusive, but he made it official with you? There’s different scenarios to this and without key points, sounds like a big mess that now require those involved to be adults and take responsibility. Babies are not asked to be born but when they get here they rely on those to take care of them whether they like each other or not. Adults don’t hold grudges against babies. They’re here now, so the right thing needs to be done. Get a DNA test and go forward from there.
You knew it was possible from the beginning so why leave him if they are his? I would encourage the DNA test as they are still young enough to get to know him and be in his life. Now if you waited til they were 5 and older and already had a dad and you wanted to persue it and go into their lives as a complete stranger that would be wrong. If he wants to be apart of their lives he needs to start now now later when they have a daddy raising them for years. I think that if you left him just because of a situation you started out knowing was possible it would be lousy. You should check your post in case of errors also because time lines dont seem to be right…
If they are his, the longrr she goes without asking for child support, the more he owes. If she waits until they are 6 or 10, and THEN does a DNA test, and they are his, he owes all that 6 to 10 years of back child support.
I wouldnt leave him, since its not like the two of you were serious when he got her pregnant, but I’d have him find out right away, so he doesnt have $10,000 worth of back child support just pop up and land him with a warrant.
I wouldn’t let my bf/husband just let it go if there’s a slight chance they’re his, the right thing to do is find out and man up even if the mom doesn’t want to, it’s not for her but for the twins and because it’s the right thing to do!!!
I hope all you guys went and got checked out for STDS
She doesn’t want him in her life or theirs. Make your own choices for your kid and yourself and let it go Maybe not his and she knows it ?
Say welcome to a bigger family!
If you’ll support him tell him to reach out, but I don’t see why it would ruin your relationship if he did?
Just leave it alone.
fi he is the father , he does have the right to know. If she wants nothing to do with him…let it go. But remember if he pursues this, he just might have to pay child support…if he is the father. But again, he does have the right to know, whether she wants nothing to do with him or not.
Leave the other woman and her kids alone. She said her babies don’t belong to your babies dad. I feel like your just looking for a reason to ditch your daughters father so you may as well just leave 🙍
If Mom says leave it alone, leave it alone.
No I wouldn’t stay with him ESPECIALLY after you found out that he was messing with y’all at the same time. You’re worrying about something that has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with you. The woman said they aren’t his kids, they belong to another guy. Why are you all up in this woman’s business? You need to get a grip and stop worrying about this woman. I’m sure your boyfriend will cheat on you again just hope next time he uses protection. 
If they are his kids he should know about it and be involved.
Looks like lots of testing needs to be done.
DNA for the kids and your SO.
I would get an std testing on my self, she has had more than two partners in a short time.
Idk. That situation would eat at me.
If he wants to reach out that’s up to him. If he doesn’t want to and she said she doesn’t need him to check paternity then leave it be. Don’t worry and stress about something that is not a problem.
… that’s why we should never have unprotected sex with someone we aren’t in a long term relationship with… and by unprotected sex I mean female not on birth control and man not wearing condoms… 
. your kids father is a hoe and probably has more than your kid and the twins honestly 
…
Support him In this or move on.they mY not be his
Stop guessing and get to the truth. You will have your answers once the DNA test comes back. Don’t waste another minute processing ‘what-if’. Whatever the outcome it should be handled with the upmost respect for everyone concerned.
Ok… is the issue that he was cheating on you when you found out you were pregnant? Because you make it sound like you were in a casual sexual relationship to start, and then found out you were pregnant, and that the fact he was sleeping with someone else was known, and the only surprise was that she was also pregnant and there was a chance the baby(ies) belonged to him. Because if there was no commitment, why would you leave him if he found out he was the father? And if you were going to leave him then why would you encourage him to pursue a DNA test? I’m so confused. I feel so sorry for kids in these situations. This is how people end up fucking their cousins.
Leave it all alone 
probably his kids and she doesn’t want to be stressed by all this craziness
If they were seeing each other before y’all got together then why would you leave him? You obviously don’t love him
Leave it alone, its not your business …if the mother of the twins want to pursue it she will . .don’t use those babies as an excuse to leave him .you know when you got pregnant that he was with another girl
The other gal said leave it be. She does not want him in her and twins lives. Let go of it.
You knew it was a possibility…
Those babies will want to know one day too…
Get a DNA test done. It should not be a make it or break it situation, since you already knew…
But, for those babies sake, do the right thing…
DNA test, and if they are his…they need all the Love both of you can give them 
O! And the kids will grow up, and have the option to take him to court for DNA and sue for back child support…
Tend to it Now…
The mother does not have to push it … the kids will have that right also at an older age…
You need to stay out of it. It’s HIS choice. If he wants to pursue it, he can. And then if they are his, you need to have an adult discussion about the next steps. If he chooses not to pursue it, then let it go.
Um. You should worry about your own self and your own kid. If a DNA test proves their his kids then he needs to step up.
every kid deserves to know their bio dad… your relationship does not over ride that… if u cant handle him having more kids then just yours thats your issue… but HE AND THOSE KIDS deserve to know if he is the father… and your kid deserves to know if they have siblings… PERIOD
I say if she told you and him not to worry about it then maybe you should do that… for all you know,you could just be causing unnecessary stress for a busy mama with twins. And you should leave him anyway. The reality is,if hes messed around on you once and you forgave him,hes gonna do it again
How many people was this guy out having unprotected sex with? 
I’d leave it alone. Both parents are fine with the way things are so why mess with it? Worry about your own kids.
I would focus on myself and the child I have on the way also the toxic relationship I’m in lastly my decision making because obviously we’re not making rational decisions having a baby with a new guy who may possibly have children under 1 out there in the world .
I would have a DNA test done. That will let him know if there his or not and test is mind from always wondering if so.
He wasnt your man in the first place and will never be yours… you started the relationship as one of many and so you shall remain. Why leave him now, because u cant get all his money ???
If he wants to be in their lives he needs to ask for a DNA test. He definitely deserves to know
You should mind your damn business. Who do you think you are even inviting yourself into THEIR business?
The kids need a father more than you two need a relationship. You should be encouraging him to find out the truth. If you really love him… help him do the right thing. While your feelings are valid… that doesn’t excuse him from being a father. Also. What if when you got pregnant with his child and you broke up. Eventually another woman would be in your child’s life. Would you keep him away from your child because he is with someone else? Or how would you feel if a new woman broke up with him just because of your child? You can’t be that naive. If you say it’s over if they are his… you might as well leave now because you don’t love him enough to encourage him to do the right thing. Good luck
u really sound selfish right now if they are his u should help him fight for custody or visits if u tell him to let it go if i was in his shoes id let u go my kids and my husbands kids and our kids together are all brothers and sisters and they should not use step in the convo and they love it all our kids 25 to 1 yr if i can accept my husband im gonna accept his kids as mine and he accepts mine as his its call co parenting grow up or be alone 🤷
How was she pregnant at the same time as you but her twins are 9mon? But the situation at hand he should do a private DNA test so he doesn’t end up in the system & see how many children he has. Turning his back isn’t an option unless you want that same karma.
Y’all are nuts, half of these comments dont even make sense, or youre reading 1 part and running with it or making crazy assumptions. It’s really sad, i dont know why people are even continuing to ask for advice on this post when it’s pretty much always just bashing or shit that doesn’t help what so ever. YOU all are the ones who need to grow up
Stay out of it till if is brought up to your man. It’s his choice to step up if he wants to and how do you know those twins don’t have a father figure in there lifes. My son’s father is not welcomed in my child’s life he’s not on the birth certificate but that doesn’t mean my child doesn’t have a father figure he has 2 my dad and my husband who have raised him with me and made a better man then his Bio dad could ever do.
If she’s not asking for his help and your man is good not helping or even wanting to be a part of those twins life’s don’t get a DNA and just stay out of it if you knew the situation and chose to stay with him that’s on you.
Id want to know if they were his, as should he. I’d encourage him to find out. I dont think id end my relationship over it if they are his though, unless theres more to the story and he was cheatung etc. Otherwise why should it end your relationship?
He should worry about it because back support, excuse my language, is a bitch, the sooner he can get it figured out rhe better, because it will keep building, and eventually you wont have enough money to afford your own kid with him. Its a lot. It will cause problems in your relationship eventually. However, its not worth leaving him if you love him because money does not over power love. My husband has another child with another woman and believe me, I let the money part bother me too much because he waited until the state summoned a test and he had already accumulated back support by then. It caused issues, and his lack of trying to reachout to the mother causes issues, but he has valid reasons why that are extremely personal and his own, and no he isnt a dead beat, he pays for his child, but the mother made choices that didnt include him and because of the financial hardship the back support causes he cannot afford a good lawyer to fight it and has been kicked out of several court cases because they would not work around his at the time very unworkable work schedule. Anyway, tell him back support is expensive, and his [possible] kids are his [possible] responsibility. There are several other reasons why its important, if by chance CPS got invovled for any reason, they normally want a biological parent for the re-placement of the children. Medical records and so on. Just knowing who is the dad would benefit everyone. Also, siblings deserve to know eachother, I personally cannot stress that enough, so many things are dependent on siblings atleast knowing one another, what if they meet later in life and start dating, so many things, donor reasons, everything! It is very important, but do not let it cause issues in your relationship if you really love him. His choice really, i get how frustrating it can be.
What does HE want to do? This is about him and those twins, not you. You’re fine with your daughter having a father. Why do those two babies deserve any less? This is up to him to decide but if he does persue, morally you should stand by and support his decision and be proud you have a man willing to step up. If that’s not something you can handle then let him go so he can. Dont be that women holding him back from his kids. You dont want to be that person. A DNA test would be a good start to clearing the air. If it comes back they’re not his then no sweat. If they are…he can decide his next step.
Any women let alone a mother who is ok with being with a “man” who has nothing to do with his kids or knowing if a child is possibly his and does nothing about it is garbage in my opinion.
I wud have him request a DNA she might of had an affair on the maybe baby daddy n he has no clue!!, but if he ever leaves than shes coming after him!! Than ur world turns upside down!! Its not the kids fault… what if they get sick & need his medical records or something more!! Dont be selfish… if ur relationship is hood & u know he was w her yoo it us what it is
Why wouldn’t he find out if they are his? They are not a pair of shoes, they are kids. Dont he want to be there if they are his? Sounds like another scenario of I’ll just pretend this didn’t happen and worry about it later. If they are his…regardless of whether the mother wants him around or not…he should step up and be Dad. Dads are just as important as moms. If they aren’t his then he can go on about his business. Those babies deserve to know who their parents are. This isn’t about the convenience of these adults.
Every child deserves to have or know who their father or mother is.
With that being said, is yalls relationship strong?
If so, make him do the DNA test and see if those kids are his.
I wouldn’t stay whether they were his twins or not…and I’d take him to child support for the children he has with you.
How can he not want to know if they are his children? If their “conception” was not infidelity with you why does it have to affect your relationship ? If they are his embrace your child’s siblings… show them love … your child will become a better more loving person knowing that you are a loving compassionate parent no matter what the situation
I guarantee you that she told the other guy that they were 100% his. In her eyes, the other guy might mean more to her, he might be able to provide better for her, etc. If you come forward, other guy will find out her true colors.
I dont understand how if the twins are his yalls relationship would be over. That makes no sense to me. They maybe his but contrary to comments on here I feel it is somewhat your business because those babies maybe your daughter half siblings. Now he needs to be the one to request the DNA if he chooses. That’s up to him, but he needs to think hard on . If hes wants to peruse this do it now dont wait till the kids are half way grown. He has every right to ask for a DNA test. Who cares what the mama says . If she slept with him and he could be the father she dont have a say.
This is really his decision. If I were you I would let him pursue if he wants or not. These are children that will grow up with gossip surrounding their lives if you make this about you.
She said they weren’t his. Go with that unless you really want him to start paying child support. If she thought he was the dad, she’d be trying to get money. I’d let it go.
A lot of confusing details. One, were you guys in a committed relationship or open relationship when he got you pregnant? Two, are you guys together right now or what’s the situation, I’m only asking because you would refer to him constantly as the father of my daughter and not my boyfriend or husband. Three, if you guys are together, and he had kids with someone else, how would that change the dynamic of what you guys have?
If he think they are his go ahead & ask for DNA so she can’t come back in 6 yrs to say yes they are & ask for back child support.
Why would the relationship be over? Thats kinda petty youve known about them since she was pregnant so its been well over a year but youll leave if they are his?
And as for him have him request a dna test through the court to find out for sure
All children deserve to know who their father is-even if the Mom isn’t with him,for whatever reason. It’s not about the “adults” and their needs.