My seven year old daughter has a friend, whom she considers her best friend. We tend to have her over all the time, not really an issue. We’ve taken her to many events, dinners, etc. but she has never been invited to her friend’s house, nor have they invited her to do anything fun with them, and I know money is not an issue. The parents will tag in fun places they are, and I’m all for family days, it’s just a little upsetting that they’ve never reached out and say hey we are heading here so and so would love to see your daughter, but that has yet to happen after they’ve been friends for two years now. We seems to always be one making the attempt and taking her friend everywhere with us when we decide to do things. Do I say something and if I do how do I say it without sounding rude? Should we cut back on how often she sees her friend? I don’t want to hurt my daughter’s friendship by any means. She has other friends where their parents have become our friends, and everything seems 50/50 and fair, or am I just overthinking this.
If its not 50/50 i wouldnt bother with the friendship
I would talk to the girls mom and ask if she has issues with your daughter and why she doesn’t get invited to places
I think your concern is completely legit. If you take their child with you and host/pay/entertain her, then they should do it too. It’s not about tit or tat but just out of etiquette and thoughtfulness. I would maybe just say one day, hey if y’all ever want to take X out with y’all pls know I’m totally okay with that trust y’all and will pay for or whAtver. I would definitely be frustrated if I’m the only parent hosting and entertaining. especially that you say they go out and do things and can financial afford it.
Maybe their house isn’t suitable or they’re embarrassed a out something.
We used to have kids over all the time. Then they break things at our house and parents act like we are horrible people if we correct their kids or say anything. So, we simply do not have other people’s kids over often because our house rules never apply. Not saying that is the situation but a few bad apples made us leary.
When I was a kid my parents fought a lot and I never invited my best friend anywhere because of that. I often did Amazing things with her and her family and it’s those things I’ll never forget. Just think of what you might be giving that friend. You may not know the whole story.
MAybe their house is gross and they are embarrassed?
Has you daughter mentioned anything ? If not I would stay out of it they are seven years old and obviously they have created an amazing friendship.
Dont over think it.
You can’t possibly be trying to ruin your SEVEN YEAR OLDS friendship over her parents not taking your child out, which they aren’t even required to? Lmao seek help.
Maybe they aren’t comfortable being responsible for someone else’s kid or having another kid with them in general
Maybe her parents fight and she is embarrassed. Maybe your house and family is her getaway.
So I am one of those parents who is a little different… my son is 8 and he doesn’t ever have friends over and we don’t take friends places with us… for his birthday last year he took one friend to trampoline park for his birthday… this sounds horrible but it’s my fault… I’m so worried that something is going to happen to someone’s child while they are on my watch that I don’t invite his friends to do many things… maybe she has anxiety issues like I do? But I also don’t let him go a lot of places with his friends either it really depends on who,where they are going and how far the drive is etc… but my anxiety is the problem and I am working on it!! Probably don’t help much but I wouldn’t get to upset about it… it probably has nothing to do with your child!!!
Why dont you 1st reach out to the mom about having the 2 families fo something together. My daughter has a best friend what we do is us moms arrange for a day where we both meet up at a fun place and hang out all together. Get to know one another better.
Some people just aren’t the “open house” type of people. Some don’t want the responsibility of someone else’s child around and some are just awkward/antisocial people. There’s so many reasons on why someone doesn’t.
I wouldn’t take it personally and wouldn’t punish anyone.
Unless this friend is inviting other kids over to do fun things, I would not say anything. I wouldn’t take it personal, they obviously have their reasons for not inviting anyone over. Now if they are regularly inviting others to do stuff but not your daughter, I would cut back on the invitations to your home/outings.
My mom is/was an alcoholic so I never invited my friends over but I always went places with my best friend and her family. Dont mention it. And dont be offended. Just know that little girl will appreciate the time you’ve spent with her and letting her spend with her best friend.
Dont cut back on her seeing her friend that’s not ok.
I think it’s totally ok for parents not to have kids over or take on extra outings etc .
U choose to that’s upto you but don’t be so judging and quick to cut off a friendship of your daughter because they ain’t the same as you .
I never took my kids friends out when they were younger I had 6 kids of my own it would have been too much watching someone else’s child too
Maybe they don’t have any extra money to spend. You never know someone’s struggles and just because they make X amount of money doesn’t mean they don’t have a lot of expenses.
I wouldn’t cut back on your daughter’s time with her friend. Maybe cut back on taking her friend to everything you attend/do.
Unless your seven year old has said this bothers her, I would drop it. Honestly it sounds like it really just bothers you. My son’s best friends family rarely takes him places either. I talk to his mom often and know that they don’t have a lot of money and have other children. It doesn’t offend me. We take their kiddo lots of places but that’s by choice and I don’t expect it in return.
What they do as a family isn’t really your business. If it bothers you so to see them checking in to places and having fun as a family then perhaps you should ‘unfollow’ them while still remaining ‘friends’ on FB.
Might not have a good home. Spending time with your family is probably the best she has. Honestly dont push her. There is probably secrets
Dont take it out on the girls. She is not in control of her parents actions. If you do anything I’d say cut back on spending. Do more family fun nights at home.
If you’re doing things and inviting her child out to join that is very sweet. But no one is OBLIGATED to take your child on an outing in return … I would think it’s just nice to see your daughter enjoying herself with her friends … if they’re great friends that’s amazing to have someone you can be you with and trust at that age. You never know what’s going on behind closed doors.
Curious how you KNOW money isnt an issue?? Just because they go places doesnt mean they pay for it also maybe they fight. Maybe their house is gross, maybe they dont want the responsibility of someone elses child?
My oldest has a friend that has a family like that. He comes over and his parents never care. One time he said man I wish I lived in a home like yours. We own a double wide and his family owns a large nice brick home. I commented back oh but your house is so much bigger and he said yes but it’s lonely. Broke my heart. I’ve learned to let the kids come over and hang because who knows what their home life is like.
They may not like having people around. They are not obligated to take your kid places just because you take their’s. You are not obligated to take their’s, you do that of your own free will.
I was always over at my best friends house, like 24/7 and they took me literally everywhere they went. She had 2 brothers and her house was way more fun than mine, i was an only child and it was usually just me and my mom. I would just leave it alone.
If it doesnt bother your daughter let it be. Definitely dont make it into a problem or cut into your daughters friendship. Some families dont do well with other kids or maybe they dont have extra room or maybe home life for the kid isnt as good. Or maybe the parents are busy quite often or maybe the parents dont like you? I’d be willing to bet that for one reason or another it doesnt work well for that family and just let it be.
Some parents just aren’t that into other people’s kids. That’s me. My kid can go all over with his friends and I am glad to let him go but really would prefer not to have their friends at my house. I like my privacy and space and only so many people are welcome in it. It’s no offence to anyone or their kids just the way I am
Don’t ruin your daughter’s friendship because of your feelings. Maybe they just don’t want to have another child added into the mix…maybe their house is nasty. Maybe they’re embarrassed of things.
They aren’t required to be bonus parents to your daughter because their daughter is her friend.
As a child I was embarrassed of my above ground house(on pillars) bc all my friends lived in houses on slabs so I very seldom asked anyone to come over, but I loved going to their houses. Nothing to do with money, my parents just wanted the family house.
Your over thinking just leave it alone don’t mess your daughters friendship up because you think they should be taking your daughter places maybe they can’t afford taking another kid maybe their home situation is different from yours
Dnt be so judgy you dnt know how they live behind closed doors just because they dnt invite your daughter to places
Did they approach you and and ask you to take there child or did you take it upon yourself to ask because its what your daughter wanted so dnt get upset with them they dnt do this or that with your child
Maybe you could be relieving this child of something for a day or few hours
Just be happy and kind within yourself for helping out a little girl and kepping your daughter happy as well with no expectations of being owed anything
It’s a wonderful feeling to just be kind without expecting anything from anyone
You are making an issue out of nothing. Move on.
My parents were you guys but that is because they didn’t trust anyone with us. And I don’t let my son’s go anywhere without us but my parents or in laws.
Im the mom that dont let kids come over i have anxiety and i dont want the responsibilty of another life i have 5 my son has mental issues and can have meltdowns at times and my house is pretty chaotic i also have a 17yr transgender son i just rather not have other peoples kids over he gets anxiety when people are here
Some parents are just introverts don’t take it so personally, I’m sure they like your daughter but they might just like family time to be just family. I’m sure they do things and get treats for the girls when she’s over there no parent has to match what the other parent does. Growing up my mom didn’t like any of me and my siblings friends to go over to the house cause she has 5 kids and she rarely got peace back then lol there were only a few people my mom liked and wouldn’t mind coming over.
They could be on a tight income and not be able to pay or afford to feed an extra mouth unfortunately. You dont know the situation =(
Theres lots of reasons … Maybe they scared something will happen or maybe their child doesnt want it cause she embarrassed about the way their house looks or parents fight or to her parents are weird … Maybe their time out is strictly family time cause maybe they work too much … U may think money not problem but maybe it is they just good at hiding it … Why dnt u call the mom and ask but dnt push just casual talk
Don’t overthink it. My parents were just like that. I did plenty with my friends and their parents but they never hung out at our house or went anywhere with our family. Idk why but that’s just how they were.
Some people are just like that. Don’t be offended. It is what it is…
My parents very rarely allowed me to have anyone over. They didnt take me anywhere though… but if they had, no one would have been invited.
My mother had a pretty bad anxiety disorder and she has a hard time with people in her house.
You need to just relax.
You’re definitely over thinking it. It shouldn’t be quid pro quo… this isn’t an issue between the kids this is a YOU issue, and a weird one at that. If you enjoy having the child come, and your daughter does… then invite her. But stop keeping tally…
If they aren’t inviting her on their own, you wouldn’t want her to go anyway. I would say just do you and let it be.
Sounds like it’s bothering you more. I have a best friend of 10+ years and I’ve never slept at her house but she has at mine,even when we were kids. Never bothered me or her. We just like hanging around each other no matter where. Guess it wasn’t that much of an issue to both kids AND parents. And cutting back on your kids time with her friend is irrelevant and sounds more like your taking a jab at the friends parents out of petty. You don’t know their situation and it isn’t in your place to know. Just let the kids be kids and leave their friendship be
You are overthinking it don’t even worry about it
My daughter has a friend like this and turns out she has a horrible life at home perhaps you should just sit back and be thankful that you and your house is something that poor child looks forward too. (No I am not bashing) I am simply saying maybe you and your family are saving that childs life
I wouldn’t take it to harshly, there’s probably more than one reason. My kids hardly have friends over and there’s a few reasons for that. We live in the country, I don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s child getting hurt so far away from help. Our vehicles only seat us and our kids. We don’t go places, and if we do it’s more than just us and the kids. I wouldn’t bring an unknown child to a family outing. It’s more than likely not geared towards you or your child.
Maybe they are poor and maybe embarrassed of their lifestyle or maybe she is nervous to ask your daughter out maybe she has anxiety and doesn’t know how to begin to ask . You never know what going on in someone’s life so don’t assume don’t ask and if you really want to know the answer ask them.
If you don’t know them well enough to talk about this openly with them, then you don’t know them well enough to be letting your 7 year old go off alone with them. Wait until she’s older. Don’t be so trusting with your child. But no, you don’t get to invite your child into someone else’s plans. Let it go. Do your thing and let them do theirs.
My dad was like this(be ever invited/allowed a friend to come with $ was NOT an issue) yet my mom, (who was poor and literally sold her plasma when I was growing up, just to be able to take me downtown and out to have wonderful adventures) ALWAYS invited the entire block of kids!
Obviously they were separated and I had shared times. … But point is, my dad was and just still is a bitter person/meeting the minimum expectations as parent (we haven’t spoke in 15 yrs now… so there’s that, he will alwaysbe cold and bitter ) not all my friends mom’s could or would do the same… Shit I know half my besties mom’s hated me. I was a broken child. Try not to judge. Don’t over think it…
It sounds like you are searching for a friend in your daughter’s friend mother. And that’s ok if you are but If so why don’t you ask to catch up with her maybe you might have to be the one to ask first . Someone with anxiety issues will not ask at all.
You’re over thinking it.
Unless they start inviting other friends over, I wouldn’t put too much thought into it.
I used to spend the night at my friend’s houses and wouldn’t ask my friends over as much because my mom’s boyfriend was a pedophile and would flirt with my friends.
My best friends parents were like this. My mom would take her EVERYWHERE with us. It’s just who they are and it never bothered my parents. We’re still best friends 25 years later. You just keep doing the right thing.
Don’t worry about it dude. Don’t punish your daughter by not letting her friend come either. You COULD say something, matter of fact, why don’t you invite your daughter over to their house or to their event. It’s not hard to do. Just, invite your self or your daughter. You know how to do that right? Also, maybe that other kids parents ain’t as cool as you are.
I think is best that way. Because what if theyre crackheads or abuse? There’s a reason why they wouldn’t . Don’t send ur kid where you as a mother have to double think things
I personally would be okay with that. I prefer my child be where I can supervise because not all people are good people, less opportunity for something to happen to her.
Maybe you should view this as that family’s way of showing you that their home is not a safe place for your child. Maybe they fight a lot. Or the home is a hoarders mess. You really never know. Something is keeping them from having her over and it may be their dysfunction.
I always have had great anxiety about having people other than family in my home. Even now I have anxiety with my daughter in laws even though I’ve known them 15+ years and we are close. I was raised in a very dysfunctional family that had lots of secrets and it still affects me at 65 years old. I have friends of 30 years
and they understand and accept me the way I am.
Man, I don’t know. You might be interrupting what would be a lifelong friendship, or if you knew the reason, you may not want her going over there. That’s a hard call huh. I guess I’d give it all the time I could, if not forever … your house will be the one they both remember together, and that’s saying allot for future stories around the holidays. Hard call good luck.
some parents are not comfortable in taking responsibility of another child. Don’t take offense to it unless your daughter says something to you.
There may be much more going on than you realize. For example a bad marriage, abusive relationships, financial constraints, religious differences, they just want personal family time, who knows. Leave it alone.
Possibly putting on a front and are actually struggling with money…cld be anxiety issues ect id let it go
I was always at my friend’s house. I just preferred her house over mine. Maybe your daughters friend just enjoys her time with your family.
Just think of how blessed the friend is to be included with your family. There could be reasons you’re not aware of or family issues they don’t wNt anyone to know about. It could be a health issue or family arguments or maybe they have financial issues you’re it aware if. Many people appear to be able to afford things but they’re drowning debt some families just don’t include others. I knew a family who never had anyone over or travel with them because of the fear liability if something were to happen
Run with it and be amazing treat the friend with love and respect. They will remember that as they grow. Be THE ONE that did.
Not all families like being responsible for other peoples kids. Growing up my best friend was always with us, and I was in her parents house maybe twice. We are still friends 20 years later. Just keep doing what you’re doing.
I honestly wouldn’t worry about it. There’s a reason and that reason may be a good one. Continue letting your daughter see her friend as much as she likes. You never know that little girl could have parents who’s relationship could be extremely toxic.
Its not a huge issue you don’t take another persons kid out with the expectation that they your kid out. Maybe their just private people and like it that way.
I think you’re assuming too much. How do you know the places they go weren’t some sort of deal? Maybe half price entry fees? Idk, just maybe they didn’t know until last minute they were going to go? It could be a number of things. Casually suggests paying if they ever want to take your daughter anywhere, maybe after you’ve taken their daughter somewhere and are dropping her off? However, I don’t think your daughter should suffer bc of this issue…
Carry on doing what ur doing, the parents are probably tight so don’t wanna pay out for anyone
This is a PROBLEM!??
I really do wonder what goes on in peoples heads for them to even think this is an issue
Look at it as a blessing in disguise. Your daughter is with you & nothing can happen.
I’d leave it be. They might just be selfish and never think of it or there might be legit reasons that they don’t want to share. As long as the girls are having fun and are safe with you it’s all good.
Umm she’s 7… I wouldn’t worry about something like this
Personally, I think you’re over thinking this. Invite that child everywhere. Doing the ‘right thing’ so to speak isn’t about what you get in return, it’s about doing it and moving forward regardless. My daughter is 12. She has a group of friends that takes turns on the regular coming over here, and lord help me, sometimes all 4 of them are here at the same time. Did you know 4 preteen girls can eat more than 4 grown men?? Anyways, I know where they are and what they’re doing. My door will always be open to as many friends being here as possible. In today’s world of social media and cell phones and stupid internet challenges, my house is definitely where I would prefer them to be.
You never other people’s skeletons in their closets, there could be a serious reason why and potentially putting your little angel at risk.
My daughter’s friend would always go places with our family her friends family was struggling financially and their daughter was always at my house we would take her to dinner ,shopping,movies,mini golfing but her family had 6 kids and she was the only girl she would still be doing stuff with our family but they moved away lastyear but she stills calls is everyday and she came and visited us over Christmas break you never know what people are going through just keep loving her like your daughter does and it will be fine
I’m an introvert. I hate having people especially kids in my space. It causes me a lot of anxiety that I don’t normally have, so my kids do not have play dates very often in our home. Like practically never.
I would definitely leave it be. If your daughter is happy and it’s not a burden on your family to take this girl places with you then think of it as a good thing. Your daughter is safe with you. You get to make these memories with her. You get to bring happiness to her friend. You don’t know what’s happening inside that little girls home and there may be many reasons why her family doesn’t take anyone else with them when they go places. You may think you know their finances, but you really don’t. Don’t worry about it and just enjoy the time with your daughter having fun with a friend.
I am the mom that rarely let’s my kids friends over. Honestly, I’m just a very private person and it takes a lot for me to allow a bunch of kids in my house (I have pretty bad anxiety and home is my “safe spot”)
I try to compromise and will cart kiddos around or to games at the schools. It’s not personal, I love my kids friends and respect their families but it’s just who I am. Try not to take it personally, there could be a valid reason. Keep in mind, please, it doesnt have to be valid to you, but to them it could mean everything.
Get over yourself did you ever think that having your child along might be difficult for the other people? Maybe it’s not financially possible, unless you balance their check book you don’t know you’re just assuming. Maybe they saved all month to take their kids to the circus and paying for your kid wasn’t going to happen. Maybe their parent has depression and it took all they have just to get out of the house with their own kids and to smile? Maybe they have a big phobia of losing kids in public and watching another is just to much to deal with. Either way it’s none of your damn business nobody else is responsible for entertaining your kid. You want to invite other kids with you, good for you but don’t force your “wants” onto someone else.
I say they can Neely handle there own why they let her go with you why would they take another child
Pretty sure my parents brought all my friends places more than their families ever brought me. I think they were just the type if people who loved having kids around. I dont think my friends parents found it as fun. That’s all. If you can afford it then just bring her. I dont see why you would ever come in between your daughters friendship over this.
Ummm you seem to be more worried about it than your daughter (understandable since she is young, probably isn’t capable of analyzing the situations)
First of all its really not a big deal right now… The real problem will beging when the girls ARE older and they realize hey… Maybe im putting in 80% into this friendship while they only put 20%…
Also it might be HER parents that don’t want her to, or don’t have money? Idk MANY reasons…
I guess if you are OK with continuing to do your part (inviting her etc) there’s only so much u can do… We can’t control her parents… But like i said right now its not a big issue they are little and being control by parents… Only God know if their friendship will or wont last into existence… Plus its not the end of the world… Plenty of time and other little girls out there who do need friends. Their lost
They could be hoarders, or have some other issue. Your home might be a safe haven for her friend and you might be her role models.
I would just leave it be
Over thinkin. Just let the kids be friends. By no means stop taking her friends with you when y’all do fun thing’s. Life will equal it all out in its own time
Have you thought maybe it’s better this way? You’re never to sure how people are behind closed doors. I always feel better having my kids and their friends with me. At least this way I know what they are being exposed to.
This shouldn’t be an issuse why they want to only involve their family and not your daughter. I get it you reach out , but that is you and yours not them. Not everyone does things the way you think they should and guess what they don’t have to.
There’s a reason your daughters not there, and it has nothing to do with your daughter. Some people can’t handle other people’s children regardless of how well behaved a child is.
You don’t do things or invite people over with expectations of it being returned. She’s a little girl, it’s not her fault and her family shouldn’t have to feel obligated to match you. Threatening to cut time between your daughter and her friends time is so selfish and ridiculous. If you’re really that upset invite her to places less often. You can’t force people to do things- if you’re uncomfortable or feel the relationship is unfair don’t do big crazy things with the friend anymore, just simple stuff like movies at home or coming over to play.
Stop bringing their kid to do all the fun stuff. Maybe their child will get bored and ask her parents to do something with your kid.
Your definitely over thinking this. It’s not that big of a deal. Let it go
Definitely OVER THINKING THIS ONE! I’m all for seeing another child have fun. Even if it’s not being returned on the other end. For all you know, it could be protecting your child from who knows what… Let it go!
As someone that left an abusive (financial, emotional, verbal) relationship I say it’s not about your daughter. There maybe things the family is keeping secret. People can put on a fake public persona