My three daughters ages 14,14 & 13 have a very estranged relationship with their dad, they see him maybe twice a year, if that and have had many unpleasant memories due to his explosive short temper. They recently expressed their wishes to him. They expressed being bullied because of this very long (15 letters) last name, they expressed not identifying to the name, they expressed not being close to him at all and how it is important to them to have MY last name. (I am not re-married, this is my maiden name) I have sole legal & physical custody of them. Would the courts really deny my daughters wish to change their last name because their not-present, uninvolved father objects to it??
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My daughters want to change their last name to mine but their father won’t agree
wait until they are 18 then can change their name
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You need to contact a lawyer because laws may vary by state.
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No idea where you are. Maybe try a family law attorney?
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I would definitely look into it. Seems to me their ages should give them some right to have a say so in the court
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An attorney would be the best option. Even if it’s just a consult. Some states allow kids to have a say in their lives at a certain age. Depending on the state they may be old enough.
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Cal the social security office and find out .
You can apply for a change of name due to special circumstances (well you can here) but it won’t stop the bullying, kids at that age will just pick on something else.
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Yes they can deny it. Best bet is let them change it when they turn 18.
Sole legal, means your in charge. But it is best to ask a lawyer. Many states offer free legal advice so I would ask at the courthouse first. I would definitely have a discussion with your daughters if this something THEY want to do and explain further. I have three girls and in the end they will most likely get married so it will change again so it might not be a big deal. I know my girls like my maiden name but their dad is more active in their lives and it would be a slap in the face. Totally understand a non-present, uninvolved dad. Hugs to you and your family!
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Depending on state laws they can change without parent permission. When I was unconscious from my c-section my then husband gave our son a partially different name then we agreed. But I didn’t see it til I was needing the paper two weeks later an seen how he lied to me. I tried but ended up needing parents to agree (husband left when son was 9mo) and through my digging, my state rules are 16 yrs old a child can legally change their name. At 12 he can with one parent permission if the other is almost nonexistent. My son is 8 and only has been called by what his name should have been. Until I can change it, I talked to schools and explained the situation and now his supposed name is on all school and medical papers til I can do out legally. Just have them slowly start using it at school and doctor and mail. If he don’t like it he should show up and be better.
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If you have sole physical and legal custody of them. I assume it is written into the agreement that you have signing power for things such as drivers licenses, medical procedures, passport. I would just change them bring your paper work with you when doing so. Better to ask forgiveness than permission some times
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Well at their age (maybe depending on state) they can choose who they live with so I would think they would be able to change their last name regardless what dad says. But, I would talk to someone about the laws in whatever state you live in.
I just did this with my son and I also have legal sole custody of him. Because I have legal some custody, I still had to notify his dad via registered mail that I was doing it, to give him a chance to contest it. Luckily he never did so I was awarded with the name change.
I imagine in your case if you notified him and he did contest the name change; given the age of your children a lawyer or judge would take their feelings into consideration.
Because of my sons age when I did send in the paperwork there was a sheet he needed to sign saying he wanted/agreed to the name change. I am in Canada though so I’m not sure if that makes a difference,
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Take it to court if he’s not really seeing them I don’t see why they can’t. When we wanted to move people told us well it’s not that easy the judge will probably deny it well we went to court and the court allowed us to.he wasnt coming around or calling though.
A lawyer can better answer this free of charge.
If you actually have sole legal custody, he doesn’t have to agree.
Just got to a lawyer & get it done.
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Normally after a certain age the judge takes the kids wishes I to consideration. And the fact that he’s not really around is also a good case
Unless the father signs away his parental rights or agrees to the change unfortunately they will have to wait until 18 to do it
Help them make up their own last names. Get it legal for them. A name that means something.
Petition to change it. It’s a “simple” court procedure. I believe
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I’m in Canada not sure how it works there
But if they’re changing to your maiden name there’s no permission needed for that
I think they can make up their own minds. Have them with you talk with a judge addressing their reasons
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I’m in PA (not sure what state your in) I grew up with my fathers last name. He was never in my life except maybe a handful of times but all times were forced visits my mom asked him to have. In high school I decided I wanted to change my last name to my mothers maiden name because his name didn’t deserve the credit of my achievements. My mom also had primary custody and sole legal. We had no issues changing it. The judge just asked questions to make sure it was what I wanted and I wasn’t being forced. But that was it. You shouldn’t have any issues. You can always call your local courthouse and ask how to proceed.
Good luck! 
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If the Dad does not approve… they’ll have to wait until their 18.
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Can’t change it legally without his consent despite the lack of a relationship. Been there done that. In 3 months when my daughter turns 18, my husband (her stepfather) will be legally adopting her. She will receive a new birth certificate and his last name.
For anyone answering please make sure you know for sure what you’re saying is a fact first. And I mean for people who aren’t clearly coming across as guessing
It also helps, like some have, to list the state you’re from. And any other deciding factors like the kids age etc. Also what if the parents aren’t married? How does that factor in? For example Two adults had a kid together and it has the father’s last name. Is there a way around that? I know a lot of people thought that when you had a kid with a man… it took the father’s last name.
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Can poster please pm. Me…
You have custody, it’s not his choice anymore
Never hurts to file a motion for change of last name and give the dad notice. If he doesnt show up to contest it, you’re all good.
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They won’t! Your daughters can change it if it’s their decision.
Bullied because of a “long name” sounds weird lol
i wanted to have my mom’s maiden name since i feel like my last name is tainted but i realize all the paperwork that i have to go back and fill out with the new name and realize it wasn’t worth it . If they truly want to, you and your kids all have to go to the court and they can either say that he needs to be there or he’ll get a letter saying that his daughters no longer want his name but can contest but it’s different depending on where you live. make sure everything with the old name gets changed. you have to do everything x3 school records, doctor’s records, social security, insurance, and anything else that might need to be changed. so be prepared to make numerous calls and send some letters. i wish the best in you and your family
Check with a lawyer bc none of us know where you’re located to be familiar enough with your laws to help you. They can always wait until they’re legal adults.
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I changed my daughters name to mine. The father didn’t agree. We went to court. The judge ruled in my favor. She was a year old and I live in IL
Go to court you have a fantastic case for that. I would not worry. They will interview the girls and they will learn the facts. It’s a whole court procedure and it definitely is a long process but worth it. *Edit I’m in CA - dont know about other states. (Ive been through this process with my son)
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Simple court procedure, it’s not up to him if he’s barely involved!! Then again depends what state your in!!!
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My darling leave it till they are of legal age. I promise. It is then clearly their decision, and Dad can’t say you influenced them.
My 17 year old is changing his surname when he turns 18, to incorporate my husband. It is his choice, and legally nobody can give him shit… In my opinion of course 
Contact an Attorney. Gonna be costly.
I just went thru this with my 11yo son. I am located in Virginia. I filed it thru the court because the father wouldn’t agree. My son wanted his name changed due to him being a JR and his fathers legal background that my son figured out thru searching himself on the internet. My sons father did not agree. I filed it thru circuit court and had to serve his dad to give him the opportunity to fight it. His dad did not show up to court. I spoke during court. My son expressed wanting his name changed. And in the end, my sons wish was granted. He kept his dads middle name but he has a whole new first name and my last name now.
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No your children are old enough to make the decision. I’m pretty sure you’d just have to file a name change form through the courts
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I’m pretty sure they’re old enough to choose for themselves & if you have sole and legal custody it shouldn’t be too difficult but you should talk to an attorney
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technically if you have sole he can’t do a thing about it.
Better hope you don’t get married and change your last name 
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Go to the courts and try is all you can do. The kids are old enough to be heard. Worst courts can say is no. Dad is not there for them, they can speak on that for themselves and they want your maiden name so I really don’t see any issue. You have a good case to be honest even if he says no.
Mist states in the US go to court fill out paperwork cost is between 150 to 600 dollars. It is reviewed, if bio dad foes nit want to sign out you might have to go in front of the judge but with covid they may do it over the phone. You don’t have to have an attorney in all states. Start at the court house., unless you just like to pay attorney fees
I’d you have sole custody you.will be able to change there names also at there age the courts will look at it as they’re old enough to make there own decision and who they want to live with and what there last name will begin
Get your kids a lawyer and get them to explain why they want the change and what it means for them.
If you have sole legal custody you don’t need his permission
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I would have assumed if u have sole custody then there isn’t much he can do about it he doesn’t have any legal rights if u have sole custody of them
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If you have sole custody then shouldn’t be to hard. Especially with there age.
In Virginia both parents have to agree to it, no matter the situation. That’s why after begging, my daughter waited until she was 18 to change her name.
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When they turn 18 they can each do as they wish without any undo influence .
You don’t need an attorney. I did it on my own. Get the forms from the court. Fill them out. Have your kids write their statements. You write a letter as why you think it would be thr most beneficial for the girls to have your last night ( they are in your solo custody, fully absent parent, no attachement or relationshi due to other parents lack of interest…etc.). Also if you can get a letter from the school teacher stating that you are the only parent in their lives that comes to school things, a doctors letter saying that you are the only parent coming to their appt. A neighbor, a friend, your church ( if you go). it is a good way to show your character and your involvement and absence of his. And send that with your paperwork. The court will try to get his statement as well. You will just go in front of the judge and he will make a decision.
I went in 2003. Did it all on my own and judge brought me back into his chambers sat me on the chair and shook my hand and congratulated me for taking this step and doing this for my son. He told me he wished more moms would do this for their children. In my case my ex husband abandoned us and left the country.
Good luck!
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In England if father has parental responsibility then you need his permission. If he is not forthcoming then make an application to the court and the children are of such an age that their wishes and feeling will be considered.
If you have sole custody then father’s opinion doesn’t carry a lot weight. Also the kids are older and capable of articulating what they want. You’ll have to file paper work and have a court date and the judge will most likely grant it because its what the kids want.
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Age 12 is typically when kids can make some of these bigger decisions including “divorcing” a parent. I have a feeling it would work out in their favour to get a name change
Why do people come to facebook for legal help? Pick up the phone and call a lawyer and ask. What did you all used to do before cellphones and internet?
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I tried to change my kids last name to mine and the judge said they had to wait till they was 18 and the dad was not involved at all and I had sole custody and my ex went 10yrs with no contact. Good luck
They can change their name by deed poll when they are 16 and don’t need his permission xx
In the UK its possible but down to the judges discretion and wether dad would try and fight it or give permission. Good luck I hope you can x
I doubt a judge would deny them
You need to check in the local laws
You will need the father unless rights have been terminated which is different that you having custody because even with custody the other parent still has parental rights and the name change and passport Ls includes those rights
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I totally and unequivocally understand this post so much myself.
You can start using their names every day for school etc and then change them when they turn 18. In the scheme of things it’s not too long away and saves any legal court hassles or issues.
You could go and apply. But I’ve seen this advice many times myself and thought I would share it. 
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An old co worker of mine did this for her son, the father didn’t pay child support and every time she sent papers they would get sent back to her, he would move a lot so she couldn’t find him. So she sent the paper work for the name change and big surprise it got sent back unopened. The name change papers said then father had x amount of time to contest the name change and obviously he didn’t. She also has soul custody of her son and they now share the same last name.
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You need permission from the father unless they are 18 or unless he has terminated his parental rights. Just cause he doesn’t see them doesn’t mean he still doesn’t have parental rights. Where I live, it is EXTREMELY hard to change your child’s last name.
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I changed my own name by deedpoll online at 16. I think it cost me £50 ish
No. They always go with whatever they think is best for the child!
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Yes. The courts will deny it if the father objects.
I changed my daughters last name it was kinda a different circumstance! I had her young and she had my maiden name! Once I married and had more kids she was the only one with my maiden name but her biological dad has never even seen her so all I did was go to the main social security office where u can get copies of birth certificates and stuff and I added my husband to her birth certificate she hadn’t had a father listed on there and as soon as I did that it automatically changed her last name. I paid like $15 and they gave me a new birth certificate!
Get a child advocacy if you can but they would be old enough for the judge to listen to them. The name change isnt a big deal at all. He can still be dad twice a year that he always was.
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i would just change it, start writing it how u want on everything, even school
books, etc tell the school it’s there last name just not legally etc.
My dad tried changing my name to his when my mom was in prison my whole childhood. She refused to sign the papers to change it 
so I kept my name until I got married.
If this is all you gotta worry with. Doing great!
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Petition the court and ask. Only way you’re gonna know for sure.
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Just go to court. I changed my sons last name from his sperm donors to mine. He objected, we went to court, his name was changed that day.
If he object then I’m sure they will deny it. The back story isn’t relevant since they were assigned their last name at birth. They can change it when they are adults.
If he’s an absent parent you may have a chance through probate court. I’d give it a shot … ( especially since your girls feel so strongly about it) good luck! Depending where you live it may cost you a couple hundred dollars for each one….
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Our courts you just go co attorney and they change names for 25 no questions
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I changed my oldest daughter last name , judge did ask about her father, told him he’s not involved and I was able to change it
No you need dads permission. Just tell them when they’re 18 they can change it.
I would have them write a well laid out letter to the judge explaining why they want to change their names. I’m not saying that the judge will approve it but I think it always helps. My nephew wrote a letter about visitation with his bio dad n how afraid he was when he was with him. (Bio dad was a drug addict n when up’s take him with to buy drugs) judge granted his request.
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The kids will be 18 soon. They can use aliases for everything but legal stuff til then. Its a pain in the ass to go to court.
Consult an attorney. No one here will give you concrete answers you can rely on only individual experiences. It would be silly to count on these experiences but wise to consult with a lawyer. That’s what you need. Decide if you are able to afford this process and if it is better to talk to your children about loving themselves as they are. The man you chose to father all three children is their father no matter how they feel about it at the moment. His blood runs through their veins. Whether or not all of you like it is irrelevant. This will not eliminate his existence and I hope that in the future they can connect with him. It’s terrible seeing so many people live life buried in their pride they miss the most important people in it. For some of us it’s too late. They will forgive him and that’s up to them no matter what actions they take now. This will take many years to realize and hopefully he will still be there.
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- It depends on state laws, however if you have sole custody (legal) the process is much easier.
- If their father objects and will object in court then the state may deny them. If their is little to no relationship, or he is a felon, it is much easier to override.
- At 14 the children themselves can legally petition the court for a name change. They will have to explain their reasoning to the judge.
My daughter wants to change her last name to mine as well, and has been using my last name on all non-legal paperwork/social media/etc. since she was 12. She is now almost 17. Her father died two years ago and I was advised to wait at least 2 years so that she didn’t regret it. We will start the paperwork on her 17th birthday.
I wish you and yours the best!
I had my sons last name changed to my maiden name! A judge absolutely can rule to change the name without fathers permission!
Bring it to the courts. That’s all you can really do.
Also, gosh, kids nowadays can find almost anything to make fun of a kid about… They are getting made fun of because it’s 15 letters? WTF?
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Apply for the name change. Not having his permission only means that you’ll both have to appear in front of the judge. Bring letters from your girls explaining their relationship and why they want to change their name. If judge knows it is what they want and dad can’t provide any significant reason for it not to be changed, you should be fine.
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Talk to a lawyer in your state. Laws vary.
As someone who went through this as a child, tell them to get over it. You dont know as an adult how this will play out. My dad wasnt involved as a child, now as an adult, he is more involved than my mom. Tell them to make the name great. Its up to them what a name means and what they do with it. You are upset as a mom that dad isn’t living up to your expectations. Dont let the girls have a complex over it.
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Once they are 18 they can go to court and change their name legally. My granddaughter did this because of her absent father in her life.
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I’m seeing people say you can do it without the father’s permission, but I think it has everything to do with what state you live in.
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Best to ask an attorney!
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Has the dad signed away his rights to the kids? If yes- yes you can change the name without consent. I’ve been thru this in GA. Most dead beat parents will sign away rights just so they don’t have to pay child support. Hope this helps! Good Luck!
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Depends on the state.
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Bless their hearts! I’m 36, and my did is still an Ahole to me! I still have my maiden name of course because I’ve never known any different. My dad’s parents and sisters were Very good to me growing up, so I’m ok with my last name, just not my dad. He’s toxic. Yes, try to change your babies last names if that’s what they wish! 
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Th courts wouldnt deny them that you may have to pay to have their names changed
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Most lawyers offer free consultation. They can change it themselves when they turn 18 if you can’t get it done before.
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