I have a question I’d like to ask about child custody in Ohio. I just left my ex a day ago. It was a very toxic relationship, he was always yelling and blaming me for everything, but I don’t want to share all the details. I was a stay at home mom and have only ever been away from our three-year-old for a few hours. My ex emailed me today that he would like to have our son for three days next week with two overnights. I know I automatically have custody because we aren’t married. I am not looking to keep our son away from him. My question is what to do right now, with no custody arrangement in place. I don’t want the court to think I’m keeping my son away from him, but I truly feel it will be hard on our son to be away from me three days, especially overnight. His dad works long days, and he is used to being away from him. Nobody but me has ever put him to bed or down for naps. Nobody but me has ever fed him or anything else. His dad was not involved with his daily care when we lived there but did play with him at times when he wasn’t busy. The night I left, he called me an unfit mother, and the police had to come because he wouldn’t allow me to leave with my son. I honestly believe he doesn’t want that many days with our son, but that he is trying to hurt me and trick me into showing I won’t cooperate with him. He could barely tolerate our son for an hour at a time in the past. I wrote back, asking him to consider just daytime visits, but I don’t expect he will respond. In your opinion, what is best for our son and what is best for showing the court I am willing to co-parent? This is all new to me, and I am so devastated I don’t know what to do. Thank you.
If you don’t have a custody agreement in place he doesn’t have to return your child to you and vice versa. You don’t have to go to court, but you do NEED a notarized agreement between the two of you filed with the court.
I believe he should begin with day visits and work up to overnights.
Let him have him. It’s his son too.
File for custody, as of right now if he takes him he dont have to bring him back and he can file for custody and get it before you. Get custody set up then do the visits
You don’t automatically have custody cause you’re not married, it’s his child too. That’s how that works. Get a custody agreement.
NOT just your son…
Tell him you want to see how the child reacts to day visits first, before trying over nights, and when you do start over nights you want to do it one night at first. It shows you aren’t keeping him away from your child, and it shows your concern is the well being of your child. He can’t trap you into looking like you are keeping him away, and it shows you are willing to work with him, while taking baby steps.
I don’t know how old he is but if he is younger the court would be on your side with over night vists and multiple days not happening until kindergarten
You should get over yourself, his dad is just as important as you, just because you are around more does not mean you are more important. If he wants him 3 days in a row let him. Take time for yourself.
I thought Ohio was one of those “mother gets it all” states.
He’s his father. He deserves equal time. Share 50/50 custody. Simple.
It sucks the first time away from your child. She. Be files for custody he probably will be getting this much time anyway from the court.
Technically you don’t automatically have custody because you aren’t married he has 50% custody just like you do he could come take your son and not bring him back but you could do the same to him that’s why you need a custody order in place
1 you do not automatically have custody bc you aren’t married. 2. Courts are not like they used to be they favor father’s a lot of the time now especially when a woman tries to keep her child from the other parent. 3. Stop treating him like he’s less than you. He deserves equal treatment
No custody agreement = if he has child in his care he doesn’t have to return him to you… I’d talk to a lawyer, file for custody before u let ur ex take your child
I’d get papers first. And if its as bad as you say…what makes you think it wont boil over onto your child.
You might as well get used to it because even after you go to court unless there is. History of abuse they will grant him custody and he will get him overnights so might as well start letting your child adjust to this new change and give dad a chance to step up and be his care giver too
Start with a few hours during the day then after a few weeks let him try to spend one night and slowly ease into it like that that’s what I did with my three year old till we went to court. I also live in Ohio
You need to get a custody agreement. And honestly I find it very hard to believe out of three years no one else has put this kid to sleep or fed him other then you. You sound kinda selfish if you ask me. You’re saying you don’t want to keep him from his son, but everything else your saying is showing otherwise.
Yes,I’m Ohio you are not the sole custody parent unless you have it in writing, and the cops cannot take your son away from his father unless you have custody papers so he could keep him as long as he wants.
I’d think he’d get super stressed and might hurt your son in frustration.
I would check into how long you can leave your child with someone else before they are considered abandoned!
I live in Ohio as well and went through this a few years ago. Do not allow him any alone time because if he doesnt wanna give him back it will be come a civil case the cops wont get involved. Get a custody agreement so it protects everybody involved.
If he is on the child birth certificate he legally doesn’t have to give you your child back I would probably make it official with court documents on custody agreement
You need yo file for custody before you let him have your son otherwise he could not return your son
Start with day visits, build up to overnights…
If you trust him tell him he can see him on your terms. If not and he won’t cooperate with you on your terms he can see him when he takes you to court for visitation. Be aware though the court will tell yall what days/nights yall get and you are going to have to co parent by that whether you like it or not.
Contact an attorney to get advice
Go to court. Tell him you’re not comfortable with someone who doesn’t take care of him like you do having him for that long and he can come by and spend time with him. Then you aren’t keeping the child from his father. Then go to court and get a custody arrangement. But you have him all the time and know what is best for him. Your job is to protect him.
That’s half his child too. I suggest you get used to it. That’s what happens when you get divorced.
Let him try it . If it works then have you time
100% fathers need to be treated equally in parenting. But in saying that if you give him your child he doesn’t legally have to return your baby to you. You’d then be required to take him to court. That is if he is the father on the birth certificate. I’d just tell him plain and simple you don’t want to diminish their relationship but you want to protect your own rights and do what’s best for your child. THIS DOES NOT make you a bad mother contrary to what anyone might say! Some exs are beyond petty and will keep your child from you just to prove a point. Tell him he can come visit your child in a public place as much as he would like accommodate as much as humanly possible and document that you videochat, meet up, and keep him informed and immediately go file with the court to protect both of your rights. He may not like that but it’s better than putting your baby in the middle of a huge fight.
I would be fearful he would try to kidnap the baby… with no custody agreement he can keep the kids as long as he wants. The police won’t help! They will let the dad have him until you schedule a court date to arrange custody!!!
I’m not 100% sure about Ohio however usually if the dad is on the birth certificate he has just as much rights as the mother which would mean you do not automatically have full or primary custody of the child! Also just remember he is still the dad and does still have rights and yes as others have mentioned if he gets your child he does not have to return him if you do not have full or primary custody HOWEVER you mentioned he works long hours so if you know who he would have babysit the child you can go and get your child from that person because that person is not a parent and does not have rights to your child (a lot of work and stress and hassle but it’s still true) I would see what he says in response to you saying day visits and you should file for primary custody and set a parenting plan in place asap! Do not keep the baby from his dad it’s gonna hurt the baby the most!
Try one night then build up to 3 nights every other week.
Regardless of anything people say without a custody agreement he does not have to return the child if you send him over there! You also don’t have to send him until you go to court! If you are concerned about your child’s safety then go to court and get them to set up a visitation schedule that will work for you both! The minimum visitation is every other weekend and 1 day out the week alternating holidays unless there’s something to be concerned about and the judge needs to know everything! Good luck been there too!
DADS HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS UNTIL A COURT SAYS SO!!! the sooner the mom realizes this and they both work on co parenting together, the better off the child will be
50/50 is what’s best for the child. He will adapt quickly. Agree to this and file a parenting plan so you don’t have to get costly attorneys and court proceedings involved.
He can keep him until you take him to court if you let him take your son. Wait until you have a court ordered custody agreement.
Go before a judge to get this figured out. He has just as much rights to his child as you do.
How old is your son? And I would. You need to coparent. In the meantime file for custody. If you guys can already have a good arrangement going just get it in writing.
Being a mother does not automatically mean you have custody. Most States are mandating a 50/50 custody split unless there is some very serious reasons why a parent should not have custody whatsoever. When I split from my daughter’s dad, it was very very difficult at first for her overnights with her dad. I cried every single time for months. We had a similar situation where I provided all the care for her while he and I were together. But he stepped up and took care of her the same as I would when she went over to his house. Your son’s dad is just as much a parent to him as you are. He has just as much rights to him as you do. When parents split up this is the reality you have to live with. Your son will get used to it. You will get used to it.
You just left and he wants him for 3 days in a row…no friggin way…he might say you abandoned your child…do just a few hours a day until you get legal papers from court regarding custody and visitation
It does need to be a slow transition and not that sudden. My kids father was the same or maybe worse. He was a marine and never flew to see them . They just didn’t know him without me. So I understand your concern. The judge in my case ordered a stair step visitation schedule. This meant he slowly had them longer each time and worked towards the full weekend. I wouldn’t allow him to suddenly take off for three days. He needs to ensure his son is completely comfortable with him first. This isn’t about you or him but it’s the best thing for the kid.
The baby is born to mom. In an out of wedlock situation. If y’all do wind up in court. Once you tell a judge how he deals with you and the child. NO JUDGE WILL FORCE VISITS! Did this twice already. No mom should be forced to send her kid to anyone they don’t trust. Hope it helps.
Depending on the situation, yes file for custody. But as far as 3 days being too long? Seriously get the hell over yourself. The kid is half his. He has every right to see him. Don’t be so selfish.
He was mentally abusive and this is probably his way of still trying to control you. Go to the courthouse asap and work on getting a custody agreement arranged. He suddenly wants him when he had nothing to really do with him before, I’d be weary. Yes fathers matter but in cases like this where the child is with the mother 99% of the time, and father didnt really help, he doesn’t need immediate Overnights. Especially for 2 or 3 days.
If you and the father have lived together in the same house then why wouldn’t the child do well in a home with his father whom he has lived his life with overnight. Please don’t be one of the moms who makes it about you, because you have not been away from the child more than a few hours is not grounds to keep him to himself
I think you should do what’s best for your child and not for you because you are over protective. That happens a lot with the first child. But it would be in the child’s best interest to spend time with his dad, overnight, not just for a day.
Get used to letting go of your child. Children are more resilient than you think. It sounds more like a control issue more than anything. And give the dad a chance of he wants his kid… All im saying is its half and half. Regardless if married or not or what the state says. Be an adult. Period.
Idk about Ohio, but here in Texas if you don’t have a custody agreement then whoever has the child in their custody has “custody” and if you let the child go with the other parent then they don’t have to return them.
You do not “automatically” have custody. Call the police department and ask them what would happen if he takes your son and refuses to send him home? I wouldn’t send him until a custody order is in place and maybe have supervised visits for the first six months.
You just left him a day ago and now he wants to keep your son?
RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG
No. Dont do it. Go to court and get papers first. Because there are no papers, HE WOULDNT HAVE TO GIVE YOUR SON BACK TO YOU at the end of those 3 days.
I guarantee he wouldnt either he would use your son as a pawn. I’m saying this because of the toxic relationship part
Let him go…for one your son needs a little independence it sounds like…I know its hard but if you’re son is that dependent on you, you’re ex will find out real quick. Enjoy the break. Dont let your ex get to you. If hes working long hours then who will have your son ??
Yeah, she has to co-parent…but did you all read the part where she says nobody but her has ever fed the child or laid him down to sleep? Will the Dad even know how to take care of his child? Because it doesn’t sound like he ever has. I personally would not be comfortable letting the child stay overnight.
Court custody agreement to be fair without fear of one taking the child from the other if you’re in fear of the safety of yourself or children out go file for emergency custody
I’ve been in this situation and honestly is better for you to keep your son away bc the court will see it as you being unfit bc u let him have him over there after you had the police come over to help you leave they see that as him being an endangerment to a child so if he goes back and something does happen you will be accused also for him getting him after all that has happened
You have no custody agreement in place…you can let him go if you decide but he can also keep him if he wanted. The police will stay out of it Bc there’s no agreement in place. Be very careful! My opinion…stand your ground…go with your gut! Do what’s best for baby …and especially think of overnights! You don’t want baby stressed 
stick with him visiting that’s it till you feel you can trust him!
I’m sure this has been mentioned but if he’s on the BC and you don’t have a custody agreement he can take him anywhere within the country and doesn’t have to give him back. Imagine how far he can travel in 3 days. I say absolutely not until you have something in the system.
Get advice from a lawyer. I personally wouldn’t let my son go for a whole day let alone 3 without knowing laws and rights.
Dont be stingy… and just cuz u have a puss doesnt mest u automatically have the power over him… dad has equal rights to the child
 without any custody agreement, if you give him to him, he can decide not to give him back. You can call the police, but they will tell you this is a family court issue. I would not do it unless you trust him. I’m going through the same thing right now, kind of. I have been advised not to give any visits with our child, who is now 17 months old, outside of my home until orders are made … I’m torn on what to do. Especially with holidays coming up. But I’m really uncomfortable sending him for the simple fact that he moved out nine days ago and has not contacted me one single time to check on him or ask if I needed any help with his expenses. That’s just not a good sign to me that he’s ready to care for him away from me with no help 

If he is on the birth certificate he has equal rights
You could write and email(so there is written proof) that he has never been away from you for that long and you are the only one who has ever put him to bed and thst 3 days may be to much of a disruption to his usual routine at the moment and see if he would be willing to start with 1 day (24 hours, overnight and all) of and then gradual make it longer. Disrupting a small child’s routine dramatically can really cause harm.
I would get some sort of legal arrangement order before allowing contact protects both of you let him see him in a public place or with someone supervising intill its all sorted
Seriously sickens me when women think just because they gave birth, a father has 0 say or involvement. It took the both of you to have him. Stop being selfish and your son needs to be with his father as well, regardless of how you feel you were treated.
If you truly want to be a good co parent and want your child to be happy then do what a lot of people cant. Try!!! Try every which way you can if it doesn’t work then try to find another schedule. Your kid will have two homes for the rest of his life. Go ahead and get used to it. Understand that you both may bring in step parents later. Work with each other put boundaries in place always be flexible when you can. Respect each parents time, life and spouse. Dad needs to learn to be a dad and you have to learn to share his life. He needs you both and will thrive in a healthy co parenting situation. Help each other and put your kid first.
If hes abusive do NOT let him have your kid without court documents in place about custody
In Ohio, if your married he can keep his kid and you would have to go file custody with shared parenting at that point. if you’ve never been married, he can’t keep your kid from you, but I don’t think 3 days right away is a good transition for your son. I personally wouldn’t let anyone take my child(ren) bio dad or not unless there is a co-parenting order in place. Dads do have rights, but I wouldn’t want to fight with him while my son was away from me. He can and will go to jail for kidnapping he takes your kid and doesn’t return him to you unless you’re married or he can go down to the court house while he has the kid and get an emergency temporary custody, without being married, that would be the only legal way he could keep him from you. Another reason I wouldn’t let him take my child until their is legal documents in place to ensure he is returned.
Wait until court… Make sure there is an ironclad custody agreement in place. If you just give him the kiddo with no custody agreement he leagally wouldn’t have to return him to you.
Do not do not give him your son until you have a custody in place he can keep him and say you can’t have him back until you go to court for it
You should just be happy the dad wants your child, most dads just walk away and forgot about there kids. Your child will be fine enjoy the break
Absolutely not until there’s an agreement in place but he can see him in public with someone supervising to show you aren’t trying to keep him away completely
Work on getting a legal custody agreement in place as soon as you can. Letting this drag out and hoping for the best doesn’t work as well as you think.
I don’t get it
Your son will not know how to handle not seeing his dad for days at a time either so why put off the inevitable?
One 3 day visit is not the end of the world especially considering you’ll have 4 in a row
No one can really answer this for you because no one knows him and what he may or may not do. I think legally, possession is the law as far as custody if there is no legal agreement. People telling you its 50/50 dont know what they are talking about. Either parent can keep a child away from the other until it makes it into court. Maybe he would never do that, you know better than anyone else. Peace and coparenting is always the goal but at the same time you have to protect yourself. Only you know how much you should be concerned with him taking the child.
I dont know why people are telling you no judge will force visits, fathers do have legal rights. Unless hes unfit he will be entitled to see his child. You should want your child to have a good relationship with their father anyway.
Get supervised visitation with admissions of fears
You don’t have to do a damn thing for him. The father does not have to return said child since there is no agreement in place. Go for court.
Don’t ask for public opinion when it comes to your child. Go through court. Child custody is different in different states. So you will have different answers to your question. Go get LEGAL ADVICE in your state. Also, be careful to what you post, which can also be held against you. Mama to mama, protect yourself.
Ohio law is any unwed mother has full legal custody until found unfit and the father will have to file a motion to pertain father rights first before visitation is considered 
also a dna test is required!
If he signed his right of parentage, you don’t “automatically have full custody”. He has just as much rights to his child as you do.
Since your not married you don’t have too. Since he has been abusive to you and really don’t have any involvement of your son ,I’d wait for the courts to decide .
I deal with ohio domestic courts
File for custody before he goes. 🤷,This way you have something if there’s a problem.
But you being the only one to do everything isn’t a reason to not let him go. That’s you being extra.
My son went across country for 8 days with his father. I gave him what he needed, gave him tips and tricks and time to be a dad. He’s the father, if you can’t handle letting him be a dad, the next how ever many years all suck.
Sounds like he wants time with his son 
your son is not your property and it’s not about his dads right to see him but your sons right to see his dad. Shitty partner doesn’t always equal shitty dad.
you all believe this lady… She is the one that comes across narcissistic… It sounds like she is gaslighting and a complusive lair.
Unfollowing. All the keep “your” child away from the other parent shi.t is not ok at all grow up
Don’t let him take him until you have an emergency custody agreement in place if you drop him off he doesn’t have to give him back
Maybe you could bring up your concerns about how such a sudden change would be difficult on your son and tell your ex you would like to ease your son, slowly, into it by starting with shorter stays such as one overnight. If the ex still insist he take him, well, it doesn’t sound like he has the childs best interest in mind.
Maybe have a close relative or friend get temporary guardianship while you get custody in place. Then he can’t just up and go with your kid, or he’ll get a kidnapping case 
Beware of advice from FB/Internet Attorneys.
Don’t keep your child from his father. The things you are concerned about are things he will have to learn as a parent. Especially when courts order equal time/rights. Better to just get used to it now.
If you don’t then he will use that when he goes to court saying he needs at least 50/50 because you are keeping him from him. It’s very real he could get 50/50 no matter what you have done in the past for care. 3 days 2 nights isn’t bad even every week
Do not let your child go. Especially as the dad isn’t a hands on dad, which it sounds like he is not. It could be real hard to get him back. Keep your son close and get an attorney
You all need to watch judge Judy… She tells it how it is… Just cos you give birth to the child doesn’t make them yours. It takes two. It’s 50/50… The child is OURS…
A father has to learn to be a father just like a mother has to learn how to be a mother. If the father poses no threat to his child’s safety why can’t he have him overnights? Whatever differences you and him had has to be put aside for the sake of your child. He has much rights to be a dad as you do to be a mother. I don’t understand why people so quick to keep the kid away from the dad if the dad didn’t do anything to cause harm to the child.
I would get a lawyer and file for full custody. I would allow the father to see him but as far as over night visits you have to be the judge of that. You are the only one that knows wether or not he will try to keep him or abuse him. I would however have the legal papers drawn up to state I have full custody this way there is no guess work. May God Bless you.
Compromise, Tell him he can have him for 1 over night and build frim there.