I am a stay at home mom, my sons father and i are still great friends. Co-parenting and living in the same house. We sleep in seperate rooms and have not been intimate since our son was 5 months old. He’s 4 years now. I do all the cooking, cleaning, teaching, taking care of our son take care of the dogs and basically everything under the sun, the one thing I can’t do is make money. Sometimes when my sons father gets mad he tells me i live here “rent free” and i have it “so easy” and great being a stay at home… meanwhile i have not had a night out in 3 years, i don’t get my nails done or my hair done. Never ask for clothes even though i don’t have any that fit. Sorry for tmi but i dont even have pads or the basic toiletries and I’m on my period so i just have to use toilet paper, because he won’t buy me anything. I don’t ask for much other than basic human decency… I’ve been so extremely depressed and i just clean and cook to stop the pain. Latley he has decided to let my sister in law (my brothers ex girlfriend and my nephew 8 ) move in. She brought all her chickens in a coop and just left them here, its been a week and im the only one who has been feeding them and giving them water. But its now another thing i have to do, and i have zero help around the house with anything. My sons father is laid off right now and just sits and plays video games all day then goes outside to drink and tan. When he does work, after work he comes home and does the same thing. I’ve had so many arguments about needing help or just a break but it seems like nobody is listening to me. I want to leave but i have absolutely no where to go and no money. And im not even sure if my son will be properly taken care of if i do try to leave. I’m so extremely used, and i can’t find a way out. I so badly want to move and get a job but he won’t let me work whike he’s laid off.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex and I live together and I feel like he uses me: Advice?
Not his choice.
Apply for child care assistance in your area and start making moves
You guys aren’t together. Who is he to say you can’t go get a job?
Get a work from home job and save until you can move out
Time to leave, I’ve lived a life like that. You need either
A. Put your foot down and say enough is enough
B. Go to a woman’s shelter.
It’s not easy. But you deserve to be treated better.
Ok maybe I didn’t read this properly but why can’t you just leave .
Apply for child support and spousal support and cash aid and food stamps
Get out as fast as you can
Apply for childcare assistance, explain it is a DIRE situation and then fill out job applications. Make a way for yourself mama.
Find a part time job while your son is in school? Why carnt u work when he isn’t working aswell? Don’t see the problem in that… he’s the dad of your child right? So he can have your son while you work? Look for another place with whg or another housing group
I wouldn’t listen to my ex either honestly of they tried to tell me to do something. If you are unhappy, which I don’t see how anyone would enjoy that situation, I’d get a job and move out.
Girl, get a job. I was a single mom of 3 kids. I made it work. I cleaned houses so I could be home early. Where there is a Will there is a way
This is a toxic situation for both of you. You need to go out and get a job and your own place. Each pay half for childcare. He needs to have his parenting time and you need to have yours. I understand wanting to stay home but that’s just not possibly anymore. You can’t keep playing house. I’m sure your son will be OK. Dad has not had a step up before so you have not seen his full potential unless he just sucks￼￼
You arent working so your child should qualify for free preschool and the year just started so get him in there then get a job.
Listen to your own words… he won’t let me…
Does anyone have any advice for good at home jobs? I didn’t post this but I can relate to the situation except I have a spinal injury and I can’t work very well or support myself.
Men don’t understand the hardships of being an at home mom.
If you live in Georgia out that child in ga preK or check your local state where he can go to school for free since you don’t work and not married.
And\or Get a job that you can work from home and make your own money!
Apply for day care assistance, once you find a job. I pay nothing out of pocket. Single mom to 6.
Do a work from home job until you have enough to move out… apply for housing assistance and child care so you can have a job…
Find a womens refuge …leave him if he wants a skivvy let him hire one
Wow. I don’t even know really what to say other then this just broke my heart.
Do you have any friends or family that you could stay with?
Maybe try to apply for assistance to help get you a place of your own until you can get a job?
He sounds like one of the worst kinds of humans!!
Go to a woman’s shelter take your son . They will help you get on your feet a job and a place to live . You are being abused by his actions and control over you . Seriously he won’t buy you pads . You need to leave
Great friends? I would never treat my friends like that￼. And you’re not together, so how does he have any say on whether or not you get a job?
Girl if you don’t go get yourself a job and get out of that situation!!!
Check out this link! She emails everyday with work from home jobs… tons to apply to. He isn’t your boss!!
He isn’t your man so why are either of you trying to dictate what the other can and can’t do?
I feel like I’m missing something. What do you mean “he won’t let me work”???
You guys aren’t together, he can’t tell you not to work.
Go get a job, have him take care of the baby, save money, and leave.
I know it’s hard. Trust me. Being a single mom with no financial help from anyone is the scariest thing I’ve ever gone through. It’s terrifying being the sole provider and 24/7 caretaker of a small human being.
But I promise you that you can do it. Moms are superheroes. We can do anything. It’s terrifying, it’s scary, but you CAN do it. Good luck mama.
Idk about you but that doesn’t sound like great friend to me. Get on your own feet, will be hard. But refuse to live under anyones thumb
Apply for child care assistance, child support or get a job at a daycare where you can bring your kid!
I used to live this life and I know there’s not many options but that’s the advice I do have. I didn’t get out until a family member let me love in with my kids and I met someone new, now engaged and have our own place. But it definitely takes time. This doesn’t sound good for you anymore. I used to live this life and it was so good at first but it got toxic quick.
Leave and make your own life
Your ex pays all the bills while you stay home and take care of home and child why can’t you work and why would you leave your child if you left
You can go get a job and get on daycare assistance. You will be way happier.
One Your Not Together, He Doesn’t Have Too Support You, He’s Working, Get A Job, Get Daycare.
RUN. Get a night job so your working when your son is sleeping. Save, get as much assistance as you can and get you and your son out of that situation!
You are being used. He has it made. Go get a job.and leave…or kick him to the curb. Y’all aren’t great friends…you are his great friend and that is as far as it goes… he is not your friend. And you having to do without hygeine products is abuse…by him and yourself. You deserve better. But it is all up.to you.
I’d find out what help is available in your area so you can move out and have a better life for you and your son. It’s not worth it for you to not be happy with how things are and kids pick up on it over time.
Why would you stay for 4 years? If y’all aren’t together then there’s not letting. He doesn’t control you. Or you let him have control over you.
You think HE is using YOU??
I didn’t even finish reading. Get a job and get out asap.
I would look into abusive shelters in your area. Financial abuse is real. Get whatever help you can to get on your own feet and cut him loose. He sounds like a loser.
Make your move. You have to make the changes. Get educated, get a job, get child care. As long as you depend on him for everything, he gets to call the shots.
My heart goes out to you but you are the only one that can make a change you are the only 1 that can stand up for yourself and decide how to proceed is this how you want your children to see a woman being treated
It’s so easy to say just leave. I get it. I know its easier said than done.I would figure out a way to start making some money. Do you have a car? Ypur child being 4 can’t he start pre k. If you stayed h I me with him he should accepted into program quick being he hasn’t been in daycare. It’s a social thing. He isn’t a baby anymore so you shouldn’t feel too bad for leaving him and its time. Girl please make moves in silence. Go bleed on his fucking sheets and or something and ask him to please go get you some supplies. I cam bring you some if you need. I’m sorry
Who’s taking advantage of who? He could say you need to get a job and pay half of everything
I was in your position before it’s so depressing I moved out got an overnight job he will never change unfortunately or get an overnight job now save money and leave.
You need to get a job asap and get out of there ,
How the hell are yall “great friends”? Thats not friend behavior nor is it good parenting behavior. Get out and get self sufficient if possible. If not there are tons of resources for single parents.
He wont even get you pads? Thats horrible. Id take my child and myself to a womans shelter if i didnt have any family to fall back on.
You have let yourself stay in this situation. Get a job because it doesn’t sound like you “can’t” and start telling him you’re leaving. I don’t understand why you choose to live this way and have not done anything about it???
Also if you leave your child there to get on your feet expect the father to get custody because you don’t have a stable living arrangement. I would never leave my children behind, ever. Get a job that you can work from home or take your child with you, save and get out. It’s really that simple. I have been broke and 4 days away from being homeless with 2 small kids. I figured it out, fast! If it’s important to you, you will figure it out asap.
I am sure if you look hard enough you can find help for you snd your son. Open your eyes and see what’s really going on. Call social services don’t be so blinded.
There’s help out there but you have to bear in mind it’s work that’s well worth the effort you are worth the effort
No, “he won’t let you get a job” uh your not with him… momma you can make your own decisions… start by eating those chicken , Also I highly recommend a diva cup
Since he is home why don’t you go out and try to find a job and start to get your life on track. How can you live like that? I would be running
It’s the pads and basic toiletries for me…… you’ve gave him a child and he can’t even buy you a $5 pack of fkn pads. LEAVE THAT SITUATION. There’s woman shelters that will take in you and your boy until you get on your feet, you’re not everyone’s maid.
He won’t let you? Go get a job find a recommended sitter for your child and get out. Find your self worth and stand up.
Apply for child care assistance and SNAP benefits. They can help with first and last month’s rent . If you get a job most people don’t know this but dhs can help with buying a car. Heck go to a homeless shelter if u need to better yet a battered women’s shelter becausehe is abusing you . Move in with family go to food banks and churches for that kind of stuff they do give house hold items and personal items.
Girl he’s got a wife without benefits.
Honestly, he is providing a roof over your head and food in your fridge for your child and you. You need to get a part time job that allows you to take care of your basic needs and he watches your son while you are at work or you share the cost of child care. At 4 your son could be in preschool and you could work while he is at school. If you don’t like the current set up you have then you need to find full time work, pack up your son file for child support and make a visitation plan and find your own home.
Why don’t you get a job?? You can work nights if he works days. He wouldn’t have a choice but to watch his child. Obviously you are not good friends and you are not coparenting. Why would you let him control you like that. You guys aren’t even together there is absolutely no excuse. There is plenty of help out there you just have to step up and do it. You’re grown you don’t have to depend on him like that.
Girl get a job. I’m not tryna be mean but that’s the solution to your problem. Find childcare and get a job
Either work overnight or go to the woman’s family shelter . They will help you get services while your working and may also be able to help you with renting an apt .
your kid is four put him in preschool and go get a part time job
Wait, you said if you left you don’t feel your son would be taken care of. So you’re not trying to take your son with you if you leave??? Honey, there are options. Explore them. Do better. He is not responsible for you.
So I got a work from home job at Walmart. I didn’t do a interview and really thought it was a scam! But it’s real they sent me 2 monitors, key pad and mouse. Maybe you can apply for work from home jobs so you can still be with your son at home. Apply! Don’t worry mama to every problem there is a solution and it may take some time and planning but you can save money and get tf out of there! You can do it! You are stronger then you think!
I know that feeling of feeling stuck ! I’m so sorry you have to live like this . Just know it won’t last forever
You have to get a job. Put your child in daycare and get your self together. There is assistance for singles mother for daycare, food, etc. Also financial abuse is abuse so you would qualify for you and your son to go to a women’s battered shelter and they will give you all the resources you need to get on your own 2 feet. This sounds very toxic and your child is getting older and seeing this happen
I’d pack up my kid and go to a shelter and then file for state aid to help get into a home once everything is going ok look for a job. Starting from zero is better than risking your own mental health
Hes a looser get rid of him. Your son wipl be at school soon nd you will have more time to yourself to work on goals
The first line states you are great friends but that can’t be true . Take the child get assistance and get out . He cannot tell you that you can’t get a job
Go to a woman’s shelter.
Omg… this honestly sounds abusive. Go to a womens shelter & have them help you find resources for you & your son to get on your feet. You can do this !
First I would call the housing authority in your area. Tell them your situation and tell them it’s unsafe and they should get you in quicker. Once you do that you can get into government assisted living or income based apartments and then you can start getting help to get a job. If he doesn’t want to help you then ask for child support. It can be a long process but this is how I got on my feet a long time ago. I have started my life over and don’t have to worry now. But you deserve to live a happy life too. You deserve nice things. Idc what all the hateful comments have to say. You deserve basic human decency. Shouldn’t have to use toilet paper, shouldnt have to take care of a child y’all made together and if he can live his life then you can live yours and he can just hate it.
I would move out if I were you. Go to your family and get a job you deserve better than that
Stop taking care of anyone but you and your son. You need to gtf out of there.
Omgoodness I’ve been there. He is a Narcissist who has control over you. If you don’t get out now, you’ll be like me, 25 years in, in shell shock, wondering why you stayed. You’ll get to that point. Please learn to love yourself, and your son, by getting away. I can’t express it enough. I’m so sorry you don’t have what you need, and if he were any man, he’d make sure you have what you need. Big hugs, and I’m here if you need to talk.
I’m sorry you’re going through this but this is 100% your fault. You allow him to control you and disrepct you
Why is he not letting you go? Do you not feel like you can do what you need to for yourself? Please know you’re worth so much more and that your baby will be just fine. He will grow and be taken care of just like all of the other children who have mothers who work. Is your family near for you to seek help?
If he’s not working then I’d find a job asap and save up to move out. This sounds like a nightmare.
Sounds like y’all are both using each other! Get a job! He can’t tell you that you can’t…put your child in preschool…lots of work from home jobs…tell the SIL to take care of her own damn chickens bc you’re not doing it anymore!
Why in the world would you let this go on this long, when he gives you nothing?
Call the DHRR in your area, ask yo talk with a Social Worker
PM& I will get you Resources
Looks like he don’t want to watch his kids while you work…
Sounds like you have a job, you’re the live in maid.
Apply for emergency housing, food stamps, state health insurance, day care vouchers. All of it. Call a social worker and explain your situation. There are networks of support in place , you don’t need to be an indentured slave. Will they be perfect/ideal situations, no but at least you will be starting on the road to a life of your own making.
He won’t “let” you work while he’s laid off? No, he’s not your father, he’s not your master. Get a fucking job and tell him to shove it. He can’t just kick you out and he is not in charge of you. You are. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you need to find your back bone and get shit done for yourself & your son so you aren’t stuck anymore. There are so many womens & childrens shelters that can help. Start making some phone calls. Stop worrying about animals that aren’t yours and tell her to get off her ass and take care of her chickens. Start washing just you and your kids dishes you use. Don’t clean up after anybody but you and your son. The other kid, the woman, the chickens, and your sons father are not your responsibility.
Get ahold of your local DHS office or YWCA & inform them that you and your child are stuck in a domestically abusive situation. They’ll assign you a caseworker that’ll help with housing, employment, food, etc…
Reach out in some of the groups within your community and attempt to make friends and network yourself out there… Start building your village of people
First off look up a pregnancy center in your area . Ours helps mom after kids with pads / tampons and other toiletries. At no charge just have to watch a parenting video and or some quizzes ex: not smoking around kids. Things like that.
Your son should be in pre school and or getting ready for kindergarten.
Then you can maybe get a part timw job just to get basic needs and maybe help with a bill so your contributing. So he can’t throw so much in your face. I would definitely consider other loving arrangements. I mean this would have to be awkward as you both eventually get with other people . Witch you deserve to be happy . And find someone .
Best of luck momma
I’m going to sound like a jerk, but so be it i guess.
Get a job. Make your own money. Figure it out however you need to. And quit making excuses. You all haven’t been together for that long and you’re still living off of him? You do live there rent free, you do have it easy. Because a man who isn’t with you is still paying for you to survive. He may be “using you” to take care of things. But you’re not working or paying for anything so I’d say you’re using him too.
Call 211 and find a local shelter. Bail our of the circus
Pack your things and your son’s and get the hell out of there
Can’t complain when you choose to live there and not on your own
Look, I’ve been in a shitty situation still not in the greatest. I’ve been to a shelter. it sucks. But DO IT. THEY WILL HELP
Who cares if he doesn’t want you to get a job. Do it anyway. During the hours he’s home, leave and work. He can take care of his child while you work. Apply for government housing and any government assistance possible. Move to a woman’s shelter if you have to, they will help you get on your feet if you try.
My gma always told me show them better than u can tell
Won’t let you work, girl put your foot DOWN
You should find a way to make your own income, he shouldn’t have to support you. It doesn’t sound like living together is a good idea anymore. You two need to properly separate. You and your child will be fine without him living with you. You can still co parent without living together.
Why cant you work? Your kid is old enough to go to preschool while you work. Not sure why you mentioned the no sex part. Hes your ex so of course theres no sex and unfortunately its not his job as your EX to provide anything to you like pads and such.
Not only are you being abused but you’re also a prisoner. You need to leave. Take your power back.
Put your son in Pre-K and get a job during the day that work with your child’s hrs. I know it costs a lot to make it on your own, but you could get assistance from the government for the meantime. Put his ass on child support and get out. Get food stamps so you can feed your son. And if push comes to shove, get on housing. There may be a wait time but I’m sure something has to give in your situation.
Kick his ass out n get a roommate that can help with rent. Get on Ontario works for now they will help you find a job n help with daycare.
First: if you want to stay and HOPE that this moron straightens up, you can make a list of all of your jobs during the day, week, month, and present him with a bill for services rendered. Second: If you truly want to leave, I would suggest you ask family/friends for a temporary place to stay until you can find a job and support you and your son. If that is not a doable situation, there are women’s shelters that might be able to find a place for you. I was in a similar situation many years ago and it was horrible feeling trapped, with no way out that I could see. There are several places to look for help if you live in a city. If you live outside a city, check with Rural Resources. I wish you luck, sister.