My ex brought a new girl around our child...advice?

Other moms that’s been in this situation I need some advice me an my youngest son dad agreed that we wouldn’t have our partners about our son until we was actually serious with them well he just got out of a relationship with a female about 3 months ago got made because I wouldn’t let my son around her well he’s already in a new relationship an has this new girl around our son and the sad thing is I found out through fb I wanna confront him about it but don’t know how too or what to say without snapping

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It’s just like having a substitute teacher :laughing::tipping_hand_woman:t3:

if the kids not in danger, being harmed, still has his father’s attention, love and focus who cares. Enjoy your weekend worry free! 🤗

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Let it go! You’ll have your turn!

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Honestly it’s none of your business, you need to let go of that sense of trying to control him… As long as he’s a good dad, be grateful that he’s stepping up as many don’t.

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If it’s not written and signed by the judge, there’s really nothing you can do. What he does and who he sees isn’t your concern as long as the child isn’t being harmed or endangered in any way.

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I agree about not wanting multiple women meeting your child, but there is nothing you can really do about it unless its a court order. It sucks but its out of your control. Dont obsess over it. Try and move forward, come to peace with it :heart:

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Unless you have that agreement in a legal contract, you don’t have a right to tell him who he can have around and when he can introduce them to your son. Unless you learn this woman is an actual danger to your child, let it go.

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Sadly, there isn’t anything that can be done if he has visitation through the courts. Unless the child is being neglected or harmed in any way.
I say “sadly” because I know how we as parents do everything we can to protect our children from everything. Especially who they are around. I imagine this is a tough situation for everyone involved.

I understand you agreed but you have to pick your battles. This is his life and he does with the child as he pleases while in his care. You cannot control his life. It’s best if the child is not being harmed stay out of it. Your child will tell you what you

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A peaceful relationship with your child’s father is more important than this battle. Let it go. I know it’s not what you’d prefer, but you can’t control what he does.

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Sadly , there is nothing you can do about it . This happened when my husband left me for the woman next door . They lived together for 10 years . She was a very negative influence on my 1 and 5 year old sons . Not a thing the courts would do. It was many years ago and she eventually died but just try and be as pleasant as you can be and if you can say anything positive about her it will be easier . I do so feel your pain . My in
Laws and I would NOT allow my kids to stay the night with her so they came back to my in laws house and spent their weekends there and that was amazing!

Do you have that in a court order where you both can’t bring your child around a significant other for a certain amount of time? If not you really can’t stop him unless you can prove she is some danger to your child. You can talk to him about it but he doesn’t have to listen.

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I know it’s hard and you don’t like it but that is your child’s father. You can’t tell him what to do, you guys aren’t together. He can live his life how he pleases. He can raise said child however he sees fit while the child is in his custody. I know I wouldn’t like it either but if it’s not in the court order there is nothing you can do about it.

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Been through it , nothing you can do about it. Besides be cordial and civil. As long as she treats your kid good and your kid isn’t harms way that’s all you should care about.

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I understand why that’s hurtful for you. But he’s not replacing you, no one could. So as long as this person is good to your child, it really isn’t something you should focus on. What if she’s actually really fun for him & he enjoys her being there ? Just something to think about.

They’re going to do what they want and you cannot control that. Keep a journal of EVERYTHING.
Do not say anything because then you’ll look like the crazy person. If he choses to bring every woman around the kid then that’s on him, but keep it documented.
The child will eventually see which parent has more respect when they get older.
Just my advice because I dealt with the same thing when my exhusband brought our children around a woman one day after meeting her on fb.

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You invited the law into your parenting, all you have is what’s on that paper. If it says nothing about his flavor of the week there’s nothing you can do…

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Breathe deep and let it go.

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My kids dad did this. I was upset. Fast forward 4 years… this woman is an amazing person. She loves my kids and my kids LOVE HER. She’s patient, kind, spends time with them, listens to them. She is part of our family. Let the control go. It’s control. Most people are good, decent people. Would it matter if it was a new male friend? No…just female? Cut the cord with him. He will be in a new relationship and so will you at one point.
Not saying you have to be thrilled about it but take the time to maybe speak to the girl, talk to your kids and see how they feel. Ultimately you don’t have a choice, and neither will he when the shoe is on the other foot.

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Unless its in the custody agreement, you’re going to have to bite it.

Completely none of your business.
You have to trust that his father will be diligent about his son’s safety and well being.
If there is something of concern, then you discuss with his father. Otherwise, let it go.

The more people that love your child, and the more peaceful the relationship is between your child’s parents, is what is best for any child.

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As much as you’re angry about it and hurt, you can’t control who he has around his kid. Just as he can’t control who you bring around your kid. It’s unfortunate, especially if you’re keeping your end of the bargain.

There isn’t anything you can do. I’m sorry.

You can’t control what he does with his time as long as the child isn’t in danger. I’ll share some very wise advice a friend gave me during a similar issue - you can never have too many people live your child and treat them right. That changed everything for me.

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There’s really not too much you can do, unless the girlfriend is a dangerous criminal or drug addict and then you’d probably have to go to family court to get anything accomplished.

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As a parent going through this currently and former step parent you can’t control the persons time and a judge will tell you that if you were going through mediation. It’s a hard road you just have to hope that they treat your kids correct

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Who are you to decide when his relationship can be considered “serious”? Don’t be bitter. Meet her and co parent effectively.

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His parenting time is just that. His. You can’t control what he does. Is your child isn’t being harmed, let it go.

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You can’t control that silly man

Unfortunately he gets to do as he pleases. Hopefully your child is young enough not the remember the revolving door of women. Just stay true to your word and know that by not doing so, you are keeping your part down pat. Prayers for you and your situation

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You split up, you can’t run his life or relationship with his child

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Don’t. The whole “agreement” was only for you to comply with. Document things like this and keep it to yourself. I wish I had. It will surly help if he ever tries to fight for custody, it will show he can’t adhere to agreements and will get upset if confronted. It’s easy for me to say control your emotions but that is no easy task. You can’t interfere unless it’s a danger and honestly it’s no big deal but documentation is the key if he ever wants to take things to court.

Sorry but what he does on his own time has nothing to do with you and unless that child is in danger, you have no say who he brings around

If its on.his time then :woman_shrugging:t3:

I’m sorry to say and I mean this in the nicest way but you have no choice. When that child is with him it’s not really your business what he does unless it’s harming the child. How would you feel if he tried to tell you what to do it’d be completely different. He’s just as much his parent as you are. Wait till you meet someone most likely you’ll do the same.

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Unfortunately when he’s with his dad there’s not really anything you can do about it. As long as your son doesn’t complain about the girls he’s worth or say they are mean to him just be happy that they are being nice to your son.

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As long as your child is cared for when you’re not around you have no say in who your ex chooses to be with.

Pick your battles wisely. As long as she doesn’t harm your child then let it go.

Is the agreement in writing through court?

Stay out of it. When it’s his time, you don’t have a say sadly. You can for sure say you are not comfortable with that to him, but other than stating your feelings, there’s nothing to do. I would personally never introduce anyone to a child unless it’s been over a year maybe in the relationship and it’s something serious, but not everyone is like that. Some people think it’s ok to parade the weeks flavor and the law agrees with it. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Unfortunately you can’t control others it maybe a good thing to see how she acts and treats him before you start a Huge disagreement. Sad but people do move on and to be upfront is better than sneaking around.

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There’s nothing you can do lol he’s an adult and parent just the same as you. Leave him alone.

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Is he a bad father? Does he tear your child well? If so then why are you going to choose this battle to stand on? I only say this because some courts aren’t going to care. You can try to get a stipulation put into custody papers but it doesn’t always happen. If it doesn’t your going to be told what most parents are told, “You control your time, he controls his time.”

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On his time you cant control what happens. If your kid is not in danger then let it go!

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Unless you have court documents, there’s nothing you can do.
Expect work on you and let your ex live his life. You can’t control who your son will meet. Trust me when I say this will be tough but you will find balance!

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Hopefully you can get that rule put into a custody agreement. Do some of these commenters watch the news??? I wouldn’t let any stranger around your kid (either one of you) and yes they are still strangers after 3 months. It’s dangerous, not a matter of being bitter or jealous, I hope.

Confront him about what?
Spending time with his child?
What he does.on his time is not up to you

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You’re worried about the wrong thing! Enjoy your free time.

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What he does on his time is none of your business. As long as your son is taken care of & nobody is hurting him you can’t do anything about it.

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I get how you feel
But honestly it’s a good thing
If your kids father introduce the girlfriend early
As he can see if the girlfriend gets on with your child
If she doesn’t
Your kids dad
Will drop her like a hot spud

Who are you to decide when it’s serious?

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Would u ask him if u trusted someone? Even if you didnt?

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court order, beloved.
mine states nobody meets the kids before a minimum of 6 months of consistent/serious dating after i meet her and have her background checked :woman_shrugging:t4:. (and there’s literally been red flags on all of them).
he’s violated the order several times & he gets fined/jail time every time.

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I have a different perspective. I think introductions early on can save a lot of problems. What if the new chick can’t handle your son for some reason? Maybe she will be jealous of him. Stupid yes but it happens all the time. Maybe she’s not very kind or caring to him. It’s good to see this relatively wary on rather than waiting till the father is totally in love and disregards her treatment of his son because of thinking with wrong head.

I’d monitor what is being said by asking inquisitive questions. Not leading. Don’t say things like did sally touch you? Ask things like did you have fun with dad and sally? What did you guys do together. And whatever you do don’t make the child feel bad if he says he likes her. The more people who love and care for your child the better off they will be.

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As a mom, and step mom I will say this as nice as possible ,

Girl mind your business. If that child is not being harmed, unfortunately it’s not your business who he has around.

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Mind your own business.
You can’t control who he sees or brings around your kids.
Bring it up to a judge and watch them laugh you out of the courtroom.

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I’d ask for all to go to dinner to meet the girl and get your son to meet her as well

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You can’t control what he does when he has visitation. Sucks but that’s how it is. Let go, be the best mom you can be and move on. You be the parent with common sense, be the one who provides the stable house hold without partners coming and going several times a year.

This is just jealousy honestly. U may be upset that he’s not with you anymore but you have to get over it. If you all aren’t together, you can’t control what he does. “Not wanting another female around your child” is a natural reaction… But if you aren’t with him anymore…it’s gonna happen and you’re gonna have to just deal with it .

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It’s none of your business as long as the child is safe… even a judge will tell you that.

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Unfortunately what he does in his parenting time isn’t anything you can control unless you get a court order stating otherwise.
Im sorry you’re upset, & I wish he respected your wishes. 🫶🏼

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I don’t understand trying to tell your ex who is and isn’t allowed around your child. As long as the person is good to the child and safe for the child to be around, there shouldn’t be a problem, and if there is I hate to say it but YOU are the problem. You don’t get to control other people and it really just isn’t about you. Why wouldn’t you want your child around someone who shows them love and kindness? The more love our kids feel the better, no matter who it’s from.

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What happens on his time is his business and what happens on your time is your business. This will drive you crazy if you let it, you will have to respect his judgment. There is nothing that the friend of the court will help you with.

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Tell him straight no other way…good luck

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Unfortunately its none of your business. If its not on a court order there’s nothing you can do about that when the child is on Dad’s time. You need to move on with your life and stop getting into his personal life. Yall aren’t together no more, therefore you don’t get to dictate what he chooses to do and who he brings your child around unless they’re a danger to your child. Hire an attorney and get a court order in place.

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I was a woman who was in a relationship with a man who had a young 7 year old son. I was responsible for this child and I saw him as my own. I was only in the relationship for 8 months before I had to step away because we weren’t compatible. I LOVED that child like he was my own and he adored me. You’re selfish and you have control issues. That boy doesn’t even remember me anymore. I bumped into his mom and him at a local function and she asked me if I wanted to see him and of course I said yes. I was torn between feeling like I abandoned him and feeling like it was best he didn’t remember me. Unfortunately he didn’t but people are going to come and go his entire life. He’s loved, happy, and supported. If that’s not your ultimate goal regardless of who steps in you don’t have an argument because this is about you and not your child.

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As a step mom I believe instead of keeping the children away from any significant others either yours or his you should be able to sit down and speak to all parties together without the children. You can meet and see how she is. You don’t have to be buddies and hang out but should be able to have friendly interaction for the sake of the children. You can find out about each other. As long as she is kind and caring towards the children you shouldn’t have an issue.

A lot of y’all laughing and think it’s funny until you’re in that situation

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Just talk to him. This is something yall previously agreed and now he’s not honoring it. Yall need to sit down together and discuss it in a calm manner. I totally understand, I wouldn’t want a bunch of men or woman in and out my child’s life either. It’s confusing and hurtful for a child when they get attached over and over again and it doesn’t work out. I agree, wait until you know it’s serious to introduce.

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That was my and my exes agreement too and I found out about the girl he was dating from my son. Super annoying. My son is well cared for and happy. So it is what it is. Like I said - it’s frustrating but there’s nothing I can do on the weeks I don’t have my kiddo. Unless something happens, I just leave it alone.

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It’s his child to to decide when he meets someone. Can’t control what he does on his time.

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From experience, tread lightly. Talk to him in a calm manner. My situation has gotten really really really ugly because I tried to stop my ex from having his girlfriend around our son. I’m now paying a huge emotional price!

Sadly there isn’t anything u can do. As you two are no longer together. Unless u have proof she is a danger around ur child u have no say in anything he does

Show him some evidence of why it’s bad for kids to be introduced to dating partners that aren’t serious.

Unless the girls are absolute ferals… let it go

This sounds bitter hunny you can’t control who he brings around just like he can’t control who you bring around. Unless the child is in danger there is nothing anyone can really do

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Don’t be weird. As long as the kids not in danger who tf cares

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Let your child enjoy his time with his father
Some men get in a new relationship and don’t have time for there children

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You can’t do anything about it.

unless is a legally signed agreement it’s all just words,
while i understand the want to not introduce your child to strangers over and over.
unfortunately it’s something u can’t dictate while the child is with there father.
if the father has decided he wants to introduce them and hang out then that’s his choice “.
unfortunately

Unless you already have something written in the custody agreement about new partners, there’s nothing you can really do. Ask to meet her to hopefully settle your nerves but if you went to court they’d tell you you don’t get a say during his time who he brings around the child unless you can prove they’re a threat like past abuse charges or drugs etc.

There’s nothing you can do lol

Only thing that would p me off is his time with your child is limited so why does his new interest need to drag along, and also why would she even want to :woman_shrugging:

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It’s not your business honestly. During his time, he gets to decide who to let around the kids. Unless this person is dangerous to have around your kids, it is what it is.

If it’s in a custody sgreemejt you should. If not have it added. If it’s not in there you can confront but nothing really can be done he’s allowed the same way your are. It’s crappy

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You cannot control who is around your child when they are with the other parent. It’s none of your business unless this person is dangerous

Most of the time if a man is like this or woman towards a ex having someone around their child means they still got feelings are bitter and annoyed that they are on their own it mainly has nothing to do with that child being around another human being

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You need to move on I know you don’t like other women around your children but you can’t control who your child’s father dates just try to be civil for the child that’s all that matters

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It’s none of your buisness

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U don’t control him and u literally have no say

This is childish and the court will NOT side with you and this ridiculous behaviour. YOU are standing in the way of your son’s father being present and being a good father by giving unrealistic and ridiculous expectations. regardless who you do and do not like or what you do or do not want he is not harming your child. Grow up.

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It’s none of your business. :woman_shrugging:t3: unless she is a danger to your child you have no say in who he has around your child on his time. When are y’all moms gonna realize that?

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The time to decide if the guy has good judgment was before you had a kid with him. He’s the kid’s dad. He gets to decide who he hangs out with. Just like you get to decide who your friends are. It’s hard to surrender control. But it’s not your kid alone. You chose his daddy, that’s where your control ended.

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I would say something like

“hey I know previously we had agreed to meet potential spouses before they meet our child. you did introduce X to X without me getting to meet her first. If this is something you no longer wish to accommodate then I would have hoped you would have had a conversation with me first. I want to make sure that we are both being respectful of the others boundaries when it comes to new people in X’s life! Our child told me she was very nice so I look forward to meeting her!”

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My kids father actually took me to court when I had an actual decent man around and made it a stipulation of our custody arrangement that I can’t have my boyfriend around the kids and the judge agreed with it.

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Its just so bizarre to me that people live their life like this. Even when I was at my worst, I still knew better than to tell my kid I was dating someone let alone bring them around. However, I did have guy friends who were around and loved my son, he never cared, never felt abandoned by anyone I was friends with of the opposite sex. If your baby daddy isn’t making it a big deal, and you aren’t either which it sounds like you are, the kid will be fine. Iys your control you need to let go of.

Your youngest sons dad, so he’s not your older child/children’s dad. Did you wait a long time before bringing him around??? Seems like it was OK to you when it was you on your back with him. Sounds like a toxic environment to raise kids. On both sides.

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By Law unless you know she is putting your son at harm then you have no say he is allowed to introduce his partner to your child and you can’t say no just like your allowed to say well and he can’t say anything either only way you can approach it is take it to court and get it on paper but unless I said said person is causing harm emotionally or physically no one will stop it judge etc

I wouldn’t be impressed, and I’m kind of surprised with these comments saying get over it. I know if it where a woman bringing all these men around their child like this the comments would be very different

Are you mad because she’s younger? Prettier? Nicer? Or all 3? It’s his child, his time with his child. He was never taking you back so let his child enjoy time with him.

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Don’t waste your time getting upset over it. It’s gonna happen.