I have been a single mum for 14 months now and I work full time.The father sees my child nearly every weekend one night and half a day ishIt’s bank holiday this weekend and he saw her once as usual and then said he’s too tired and grumpy to see her tonight so won’t have her. It was only mentioned and not set in stone about tonight. But it’s so unbelievably UNFAIR that he can decide whether he is in the mood to parent or not. If I’m tired after working full time AND doing ALL the childcare I can’t just decide one night that I’m too tired. I’m mostly posting on here to moan and ask why our culture allows this. If I show him any dissatisfaction with anything he turns so nasty and spiteful! I hate that I have to be in contact with him for the rest of my life!!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex doesn't coparent well: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
I’m in a similar situation. It is unfortunate that they can be a parent of convenience when we aren’t afforded the same flexibility. In the long run, the children are the ones who will see who was there for them
I’m going thru same thing I’ve 3 kids but don’t work my relationship broke down he’s a brilliant dad but we jus don’t communicate everything ends in me being in tears zzz stay strong love u will figure it out xxx
If it’s to much for you to handle go get a court order put in place. That way he doesn’t get the choice.
Pretty simple really
You should go to court. Some father can make it extremely difficult just to make your life an inconvenience. If you have court documents he has to appear or he could lose his rights.
As long s he pays the child support on time! Keep a journal of the dates & if he shows or not- reason why not. Cover your butt!
My ex hasn’t helped parent my oldest 3 kids in almost 10yrs. But he raises 3 other kids full time. It really doesn’t make sense honestly.
Ahhh I have one of those “dads” too
Our culture??? That’s why you go to court and establish visitations and when the other parent doesn’t comply you go for FULL custody. Parenting is a full time job there are no days off. Even when you’re sick tired frustrated hurting you gatta keep on going for your child. Isn’t it better for your child to see 1 full time parent putting in all the effort than 2 parents seeming like its to hard to be a parent. Your child will appreciate it. #mommie07
I’ve been doing the fulltime working fulltime single mom thing for 13yrs. No dad at all. As a mom you just do what you have to at least you know when your child is with you they are taken care of and loved. No matter how tired and exhausted you get.
Keep track of it all! Save the texts, emails, whatever. When the time comes to go back to court, it could come in handy
You go to court make sure that his support is adjusted to include his “lack of timesharing”. The less he sees his child the more he MAY BE obligated to pay.
It’s unfortunate that fathers choose to do this way more than most women do however he the one missing out not you so when he does this just remember your child going to remember who was alway there no matter what that will count also take notes and keep a track and if you go to court make them aware of it also
At the end of the day do you really want your kid to go with someone who doesn’t want to be around them?
Me and mine have a court order and he still doesn’t keep her…. Just be thankful they take theirselves out of the picture…. When she turns 14 she doesn’t even have to go when he decides if he wants her or not…. Then I’ll be done with him.
WHY OUR CULTURE ALLOWS THIS?
A——Our culture is misogynist. That’s why.
Court order otherwise they just keep doing it, my kids are 7 and 5 and mine still has “time off” for maternity shoots with his new partner, nights out, birthdays ect.
This is not going to help you immediately but I know a bunch of men who are fathers when it’s convenient. But just wait and see what happens later. When you don’t need their help. Just do the best you can for now. Try not to need him. Go ahead and raise your child to be the best person. Then you will see he’ll want his half. Be consistent with the child. Don’t discuss him with the child. You find help from someone else.
Take down the evidence. If he ever tries to apply for custody it will make it harder for him if you have proof that he is unreliable when coming to agreements.
Start marking down and keeping track of how often he sees your child and doesn’t see them and take it to court.
My ex hasn’t ever helped parent. Thank God mine are grown now. The only time he took them to his house he either complained or worse. I’m pretty sure to ruin any plans I may have made. I think it’s better for the kids and u if u don’t push it. It took me a long time to realize he caused me way too much unnecessary anxiety when I couldn’t force him to be the dad he should be.
You don’t have to deal with him if you can find a third party to help out or go to court and they can assign a third party if necessary
Be glad he sees them in the last 2 years mine has seen then 6 times maybe.
I have found that not making the effort gets them to leave you alone. My ex was like this and as soon as I told him he had to come get the kids for his time with them, he stopped calling or trying. Forget when I got with my new partner. That was the ultimate reason to check out and I have found peace because of it. Don’t get me wrong, if he made the effort, the door is open.
This is the type of “man” that America produces now, apparently.
Such is Motherhood. Been married 30 yrs and when he wanted to go on vaca he would say no one else but him goes. Men don’t see what we go thru. They think is no trouble on us running home and raising children. This is just a man for you. Doesn’t matter if he’s an ex or not. Learn to find time for yourself. Ask family to help with sleepovers or make arrangements for them to go to camp. Don’t know their ages so I’m not sure what else to say. But ,get family involved if your can. You need breaks to for your own mental health and we’ll being.
Welcome to my life you get used to it. Yes unfortunately the father does not have to step up to the plate. However stand your ground regardless so what if he gets nasty. Keep records of it for court. In the long run I am happy my kids don’t see their father that often it saves me a headache. Now that I moved in with my bf he doesn’t like to pay child support either 
.
I did the same for years! Even still. Last week he told us he told me he’s moving to another state. Told the kids he’d be back but told me he wasn’t. Now he only talks to one kid and not the other two. Before he left he would message randomly asking for time with the kids that same day. I usually accommodated for the first several years. I wanted the kids to have a dad. Recently I just put a stop to it. Told him it had to be planned and he eventually just stopped altogether. Now he’s out of state which is even easier now. I’m sorry for this season. It will pass. You just have to show him there are consequences. I honestly would say he doesn’t get the child next time either then.
A bunch of bitter, jealous women.
if he acts like it’s a hassle every time why’s it still a surprise? He’s clearly less than a part time parent at this point you can either suck it up and go with it or take the steps it takes to have the courts put structure to the visitation…
I’ve been dealing with it for 16 years, it’s not fair, I just go on living my life and raising my kids.
Some of the advice offered on here is ridiculous and just terrible advice. I truly hope not much of it is actually followed.
Lifes unfair. He will contact less and less. Might as well go and get full custody and child support. You cant force him to love the child.
Men feel they’re entitled to choose when to parent. My ex once told me he doesn’t HAVE to be in my kids lives, it’s a privilege for him to be.
Get court ordered scheduled visits. Then keep a journal or at least a calendar of how many times he doesn’t show up. Take pictures of your kids with you on the days he’s supposed to have them & doesn’t. Just hold onto it for future. If you ever choose to move with your kids or he wants custody etc you can show the habit of inconsistenty. It’s likely whatever decision the judge will be making will go in your favor.
Dude mine will ignore texts it says he read for weeks then last minute respond. It’s annoying.
Welcome to Co parenting
How much child support does he pay ?? Is it enough to pay for a baby sitter?? Or a part time house keeper ??? If you can afford it, get out for some self care
If he’s home, and there’s no set order that states you can’t do that then take your baby and drop your child off with the father. He is a parent too so he can act like one, and it’s not babysitting when it’s your own baby.
I hope he’s paying child support. I also recommend family therapy.
Sounds like you’re a good parent, it’s his loss . Kids grow up so so fast and eventually he’ll regret his choices!
Go to court get set custody schedule it’ll be so much easier
I completely understand you. I have an 8 year old and her father and I separated when she was 1. It hasn’t been an easy journey at all. We have had our arguments. I work full time, go to school, PTA mom, plus any after school activities. We’re always busy. Her father is self employed however, there isn’t any consistency on where he will be working. Sometimes he’s in town and others he’s on the road. One day to the next he might have to work out of state. He never has to worry about the small things like carpool because he knows I’ll take care of it. I handle everything, I got it. Because he doesn’t play a big role on childcare he does play a big role financially. Coparenting isn’t an easy process at all and it can be very stressful. You gotta do what works best for you. For some going to court works best but for others it doesn’t. I personally knew a court order wouldn’t benefit me at all. Every situation is different so you gotta evaluated yours. You got this momma! 
Choose better men to sleep with.
He will grow up one day.
I’ve been doing it alone for 20 years(I have 3 teens at home still and my 20yo is a Marine)I would take him to court and go from there
Is this a court order? I feel for you? My ex husband did that to me all the time… made this big deal at court about having them school holidays etc and then decided he didn’t want to…
Yeah that’s pretty shitty. Definitely keep record of all the times he passes up. Child support is for absent fathers which he pretty much is. Make sure you are getting that
Let it go. Be a good loving mom
And trust me, don’t let your kids hear or see you angry with their dad. Because it just might bite you back later on in life. My ex also did this with our kids. And after a certain time, I just figured he wasn’t coming. I never said anything bad about the situation. I never told them he was coming until he showed up, so this way they didn’t get upset. When they become adults they knew just what kind of POS he was
So tell him she’s coming anyways and leave the venting to his friends and family. You don’t care about all that.
Do you have a court ordered agreement
As someone that has dealt with the ex from absolute HELL…honestly honey you are better off! Yes is does suck to not have things fair or equal but that is on him! And as your child gets older they will 
see and learn for themselves who they can depend on! Most men (especially first time parents) have no clue how much effort it is to care for a child constantly even if they live with the child, cuz the mom is always there to handle everything! My youngest is 8 and his “father” doesn’t absolutely nothing for our son no doctors no school stuff no nothing! He even tried talking him out of sports etc cuz he had to take him on his weeks there… needless to say that didn’t fly in my book! Save yourself the nonsense if possible a family member or good close friend to babysit for even a few ours to get you some self care time. The dad isn’t worth the extra stress and bullshit I promise you you’ll be thankful in the long run! The only part that sucks is watching the let downs and broken promises happen but all you can do is be supportive and have your babies back!
Try to look at it as a gift. If he can’t control his mood… It may be safer for your child not to go. And start a log in a journal of these happenings. Good luck Momma & breathe.
Sounds like you are coparenting with a narcissist. I experience the same with a custody agreement he does not follow. Child support he doesn’t pay. And health insurance he does not provide. And the system doesn’t help. He just doesn’t care.
As someone stated above. Go to court get scheduled visits and if he gets her he gets her and if he doesn’t contempt him and he gets no visits if he cannot be a father. It’s really his loss. If he doesn’t want to bother with her I would let it go, and keep the proof! If he wants to at his convenience then get court ordered scheduled visits.
Personal opinion here from someone who was a single mom until meeting my fiancé and raised my son solely on my own for years- no child support, no visitation, no anything. You stated the father sees “my child”… not “his child” not “our child”. This says a lot about how you view him and if you don’t think he can sense that if you’re not just as openly vocal with him as u were with that statement here, trust me he can. Does he have a job as well? You even said that it wasn’t even set in stone tonight… and honestly…I would appreciate someone telling me that they are grouchy and not in a good mood over them taking my child and being short with them. Would you be okay with doing 50/50 custody? If that’s the case… really consider the time you’d be losing with your child. If you’re not willing for him to be entitled to that… then I’d really reconsider your take on all this.
I feel for you 
just do what you can as best as you can
It’s sad to say that kids are only an after thought to most fathers
Welcome to motherhood.
Welcome to the world of being a single mom . I am so sorry 
. But , this is often how it is . One day , your kids will know you were there for them all the time and I assure you they will be so grateful !
If it’s time to be with her…he needs to find her a sitter if he don’t have time or whatever lame excuse
Sucks eh. But how much do you want to fight it and how much energy do you want to put into feeling angry. I fought for years and years until I realised I was becoming bitter inside with resentment and it was preventing me from being happy and being the mum I actually set out to be. We even went to court and he was granted every fortnight care, but never ever showed. It was a waste of time and money for nothing.
Let it go and just be a great mum 
No matter if he helps pay or what. Men suck. They think they don’t hav to do as much as women do. Period it’s jsut a sad man life type of thinking. Do what you need and hav to do. Don’t worth about him unless he does want to see the child. When she gets older she will figure it out alone. Stop responding to negative crap. You don’t hav too. If he’s goin to see her or help you need a notice. Other then tht wouldn’t bother with the negative crap
You can’t make him be a father. Keep her with you when he does that so he’s not resentful towards her for wanting his so called “break.” I’m sorry but he just sounds immature and can’t handle responsibility like a real man/ father.
Don’t cater to his feelings. Let him know he needs to step up because at the end of the day she’s half his.
You don’t have to do anything to accommodate him. File a motion for appropriate changes in your parenting plan with the court, include his portion of childcare and medical expenses etc, and be very specific with your parenting time schedule. Then stick to it. If he doesn’t do his part, document it and file another motion and adjust things until it works for you.
Keep it stupid-simple for him
I honestly wouldn’t want my child anywhere near him. I rather be exhausted then my child having to go somewhere they’re not wanted.
You actually don’t need to keep in contact for the rest of your life . Let him miss days . I’d stop texting first all together . You will learn he probably doesn’t give a shit .
Its not worth the stress just focuss on what you can control. Your child won’t resent you it will be him at the end of the day and he will only have himself to blame. Just keep being a great mum
Set it in stone, then there will be no miscommunication. Get EVERYTHING written into a parenting and custody plan.
All we can do as mothers is suck it up. It’s easy to say oh go to court and they’ll either make him get her or make him pay. But in my eyes, why would I ever send my child somewhere where she isn’t wanted or I’d have to worry if she’s being cared for properly. The saying “mommy’s baby, daddy’s maybe” is sad but in reality, we will always have to worry about the child no matter our situation where as most dads get to say things like “busy, can’t. Tired, can’t. Sick, can’t” we are parents no matter what.
Go to court. Enforce visits and child support.
You only have to until age 18 & be glad he doesn’t have custody and controls YOUR time with her.
You won’t have to deal with him much longer. He is turning into an ex father. It happens all of the time. Your child will have to have her self esteem reinforced by you. Don’t trash your ex in front of her. She will figure him out on her own. Children are the real injured parties in a divorce- not the adults.
Document every visit, denial of visit, etc. file for sole custody, child support and have child care costs, medical costs etc detailed out in those papers.
It does end fortunately but not until they are adults or old enough to communicate by themselves about things.My daughter is 21 now and iv not spoken to her father in years thank goodness.Best of luck,you can’t force him to be a dad sadly.Your child will remember it tho trust me
You’re already a single parent. He’s a part time visitor. Counseling for you and think about moving on
That’s the life of a parent lady. Im sorry to tell ya that. Things don’t always go the way you wanted or planned or hoped. This is the reality of being the primary caregiver of a child. This isn’t a “culture” thing. This is you allowing him to do that. Have a conversation. Ask for more support. If that’s not something he’s willing to give, you go to court and resolve it. No one to blame here but the two of you not communicating.
When it’s all said and done after all the years your daughter or son will remember and when that man gets old those kids will not be there for him
It’s his loss. I used to just wear it because I didn’t want them with him if he is acting like a d*#% anyway.
My daughter’s father left when I was pregnant with her.
I was both Mom and Dad to her.
She knows who was always there and so will your daughter.
Do you have a court order? If so keep documenting for 60 days to show a pattern and take him to modify. I’d be pissed for sure. Do you get child support? If not take him! Use the money to pay for a babysitter for a few hours and you do you nap, watch a movie. The money is for your child so technically it’s for you because a happy rested mom makes for a happy baby.
My child is grown now but I went thru a similar situation. He decided his new family was more important and only saw our daughter when it was convenient. My daughter noticed from the beginning and decided to not see him the majority of weekends. I would go to court. When your child is mature enough to make those choices let them decide if they want to see their father.
Most men seem to think they can be as casual as they want when it comes to Parenting because they know the mother will always HAVE to be there, they don’t as far as they’re concerned
I’m suffering where I can do any means nessessary and not get my kid. Communication is the upmost importance. There is always compermisations and communication is most important but if there is Always excuses and have no reasoning . You can only do so much. Its Always suffering. And I guess personal ventedias and lack of caring are more important then trying to raise a beautiful child .
Love that MEN get to decide when they want to be parents. I’d LOVE to not think of how my words or actions affect my children, ALL DAY EVERYDAY!
And that’s why u cut his ass off and don’t deal with their shit-
Watch her grow. You’ll be so tired and want another life, but she gives you life. If he is to….WHATEVER. Let it be. She is creating a bond. She will remember who was there. Love love love even when you’re so tired of being a mom. I get it. BUT they turn and say “mommy. I love you” and a kiss out of the blue. It’s not forgotten they know. They saved us. If he is to busy or tired. Let him be. Don’t get mad. Yes be been there before 20 yes ago. My husband now. Is the best. Pray
“the father sees my child”…
Hmm.
I recommend documenting it.
Date, time of call, reason* for him not wanting child on his time, ECT.
I think it would be wise to confirm HE is canceling on HIS time via text…and save THAT text conversation as proof as well as your documentation in notebook. It also wouldn’t hurt to speak with your lawyer.
I feel your pain momma. It’s quite aggravating but don’t lose sight of what YOU are accomplishing all by yourself!
But yes, I wish the world was flat and we could push people off, until then Great Job!!!
Tell him he dosnt have a choice your shopping her off end off
Get a court order and an official contact schedule in place, then he can’t make excuses.
Although unfortunately you can’t force someone to be a parent.
I’m sure you’re a great Mother xx
Yea unfortunately the new thing is men seeing a perfectly happy blooming women , get her pregnant to claim her as his and then gets upset with the shit he gotta deal with and it’s always what he’s doing and feeling ohh and don’t dislike anything he does because then you’re the problem. Sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. You’ll probably find it better down the line to just cut him off completely, you’re already doing it on your own. My first child’s father, she’s knows who he is and he sometimes makes a year apparence at her birthday that he didn’t help pay for. And then never hear from him again. And we like it that way . We don’t bother him and he doesn’t bother us. Take that man to court for child support and mandated visitation and if he chooses or refuses a visit that will be on record. Men really think they can have a bunch of kids and care only for the ones they want smh
If you can go to court and get everything settled. Child support and a custody agreement.
I just got paid $7623 working off my laptop this month. And if you think that’s cool, my divorced friend has twin toddlers and made over $ 12069 her first month. It feels so good making so much money when other people have to work for so much less.
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Well, it’s his choice since he isn’t the custodial parent. It gives them the option to bow out. It’s their choice. Imagine if he never wanted to see the kid again🤷♀️
You should only communicate via text so you have all of this as evidence. And it’s not horrible to be too tired to drive to get a child. You aren’t privy to their day to day responsibilities or job duties. He bowed out ONE day…. My child’s father decided to stop calling and getting them the entire summer (he lives out of state) and holidays…. Been four years now. That’s why he is an ex. Never helped while IN the marriage so I was prepared to do things solo anyways.
We as women have to realize that if we weren’t married and then had kids, a man can easily walk away and act like the relationship and child didn’t exist. It’s a risk we take having kids without marriage. and through out time, men didn’t do much of the child rearing… it was the mothers. It’s a more modern concept to EXPECT a man to think and nurture like a mother. Some men are amazing and love spending time with their kids, even if it’s 30 minutes tossing a ball. Others rather walk away because the mother is overbearing or he just wasn’t as attached as the woman believes he was because her feelings were.
You are allowed to set boundaries. You NEED to sit with him and a calendar and mark the days in a calendar for both of you, he gets one, you get one. Both match. You color code things when he follows through, skips or picks up or drops off late/early. It’s a visual in case you need to go to court. Forcing someone to step up with money for that child is fine… forcing them to spend time with a kid they might not have wanted… puts the kid at risk. Might as well face the facts … you are a SINGLE mom. You cannot relay on the other person to follow through… he wouldn’t be an ex if he did. Just sayin.
Yes it’s sucks. But it’s reality for thousands of women. It’s funny how we hope we will be an exception to statistics.
Ans using terms such as “my child” and not “our child” leans to how you feel deep down. You feel you need a “break”… this is what you signed up for believing some man and wasn’t married. I been a single mother for 20 years. In that time I was married and had two more kids (one previously)… MARRIED… and that man was such a con artist and abusive… never helped with the children ONCE! Never!! I did everything on my own AND worked. Here I am in a tropical state with my kids and he hasn’t even spoken a word to them in years. It’s better this way for us. 
this is the role we sign up for when we have kids. Even in marriage things aren’t promised. Men pass away… cheat… lie and leave. Look around you! There are single moms everywhere. You are one of them. Kick some rocks, get mad, get back to planning a life without them in it. That way if they show up, cool, if not, cool. It won’t interrupt your life
If you already have a court order (document everytime he doesn’t comply) if you don’t have a court order leave it alone!! Set your boundaries with him if there isn’t a order in place that he’s either in her life consistently , not when it’s a convenience for him , or not at all. That court order is good from the moment the judge put his seal on it and sadly in year or however long when or if he decides “I think I’ll be a dad today “with a court order in place he has that right until the court says otherwise so unless you are wanting to spend 1000’s of $’s trying to take that right away as frustrated as you are today imagine that scenario. Sadly you can’t force someone to be a parent, nor should you have to. One day your baby girl won’t be a baby and his inconsistent parenting will eventually effect her and that’s not fair. Do your part and if that means being both mom and dad I promise you when she is old enough to realize it will be worth every sacrifice you had to make💕
Unfortunately that’s how it usually goes for us custodial parents. Noncustodials get off doing whatever they want and we’re stuck picking up their slack. Not much you can do because you can’t force someone to be a parent. It’s hard and unfair, but it’ll all be worth it in the end 
I see these all the time but people seem to forget its not all men and not all women are good moms. This is why people should start being more careful who they have children with. Some people weren’t meant to be parents.