I have 2 children with the same father but one has cerebral palsy and does not get acknowledged. We have 50/50 of our 10 year old son but our 8 year old daughter stays with me full time. She is not discussed or asked about even if she is in the vehicle during pick up/drop off. He was paying $100 a month (agreed upon through court) but started to complain so I said forget it and took him off child support. I have nurses that come to help first shift but he doesn’t understand how incredibly difficult it is when night shift calls off all the time. I struggle with asking for help. My parents already helped for years. My husband helps but he and I are both tired we are downright stupid. I literally went to the kitchen to grab him a banana and came back with dish soap. I’m almost concerned. The agency swears they have no nurses to cover if one calls off. I asked my husband about working only part time but he wants to work full time. Financially we would be ok with him cutting back his hrs. I love my daughter. But I’m losing sleep and my mind especially since COVID-19 and homeschooling. I am starting counseling this week but that can only help so much. Suggestions? I’m miserable and moody. Even my kids and husband say so.
Sounds like you are just letting him have his way. Take him back for child support for one and then some kind of legal obligation to help with her care . Just as he does with the other child.
You need help, and you shouldnt be afraid to ask for help… Get the help you need…
Get him back on child support. End of discussion.
I’d take the father back to court for support, and look into some other service to help when call off happen or when you just need a break. Unfortunately courts can’t force her father to take her too…but applause to your husband for being a stand up guy and helping you and your children when it clearly isn’t the easiest situation, love hearing about Real Men!!!
You can contact your case manager or specialist and let them know that the agency you are using keeps calling off and saying they have nobody to cover the shift and they can look into a different nursing agency in/on your insurance/network!! I wish you the Very Best of Luck!! You are doing an Amazing Job mama, Keep your head up!!
Fuck that. Take her dad back to court and make him pay. $100/month isn’t much at all and don’t let him tell you otherwise. He’s her father too and has responsibilities to take care of her. Make him do as much as possible via the courts
You shouldn’t have taken him off child support. It would have helped with the time off work.
No way… Get your child support back! He is a dead beat Dad and even though you shouldn’t have to make him be an active parent, you’re allowing him to not be and even enabling him. Like taking back the child support because he throws a fit about having to pay for it. Also, maybe find a different agency to help. If they’re calling off as much as it seems… Then they aren’t doing their duties either. My heart goes out to you and your family are in my prayers! But please incredible, beautiful, strong woman and momma… Stop taking his shit and excuses. And call him on it! To his face and in court. And don’t allow that agency to fail you anymore! They get paid to do their job and aren’t doing all of it. Kind of like your ex husband. You’re clearly a strong hardworking amazing momma. But you are human and can’t take it all on by yourself! My only question is, have you point blank asked him why doesn’t want a relationship with your daughter? And next time you go do drop off or pick up… I would be like " Your daughter is in the car and would love to see you" … Keep being so amazing and know that you are worthy and in a lot of people’s prayers!
Take him back to court. Who cares if he complains about paying. Why is the custody agreement just for one child. It sounds like he needs to learn a little responsibility when it comes to both of your children.
No, you bitch up and take him back to court. He needs to be a man.
Idk what state you are in but when I went to court we both filed I filed for both kids he filed for just our son! The judge told him it’s either both kids or no kids
Now why would you take him off child support and give him what he wants? That’s going to look bad in court once you go back. Don’t do that again, instead ask for more money wtf. $100 doesn’t even cover anything with a child that has conditions. You need to stop letting him slide and have him pay up more money since he don’t want to help physically. I don’t know where you live, but that’s way too little. I know people that make 20k and pay $500 for one child.
Why are you letting their sperm donor off the hook? $100 a month isn’t anything. My husband pays that for just one child every week. Don’t let him skate on his responsibilities. He help make them, he should have to help support them. Especially since he wants to be a jerk and not even ask about his daughter.
100$ a month? You dropped child support? You have medical bills? I’d be getti g more out of him. Have him get another job! POS doesn’t want to spend time w his daughter He’s whining and your letting him get away with it. You get back in court you go for child surport!!
Yeah Im confused as to why you would take him off child support get him back on there!
The guys a douchebag. $100 for two kids and one disabled is a joke. Call him on that bullshit. Quit letting these idiots walk all over you. Stand up for yourself.
Put him on child support who cares if he complains he ignores one of his children because of a disability? Outrageous
Can’t you go back to court and ask that he help pay for extra help?
Get his money or his freedom seeing you don’t have much of either… why should he,??
Are you guys understanding that the child support is not the issue here, rather it is the physical support and a bit of emotional support for the child. I wish this woman healing. Glad I don’t have kids.
Who bitches over $100/month child support? Take his sorry ass back to court! Then use the money for part time (even one night) help. It will give you a little time off.
Get him back on child support and PAY for some outside help.
Is there any sort of respite care available where you live?
Might be worth looking in to .
Make him pay child support use that money to hire a reliable night nurse
I have a son with CP so I understand the overwhelming feeling and exhaustion. Take him to court and use the 100 to pay someone to come help when your nite nurse calls off. Any help is better than none and there are lots of agencies that have programs for people with disabilities and some even pay aides to help out. I have one set up for my son. Good luck and my heart goes out to you!!
Get child support back . He takes all children for a visit or non. That’s not fair to any of your children
I would be taking that money to use to get some back up assistance for you. Shame on him for ditching his kid like that, the least he should be doing is help pay for her care.
put his ass back on child support make him pay half the cost of care his was man enough to create the child now he has to be man. enoigh to pay
Try to schedule a block of time that’s yours to recharge. You can take a walk, take a hot bath, work out or run errands. Forget about your ex, it’s a lost cause. Put him back on child support.
Why did you let the father of 2 off child support?!?!?
You and the children deserve that!
You can’t make him want to care for his child. If wanting got things done, then the world and families would be better off.
Seek respite care for daytime hours.
Seek another agency regarding night nurses. So sorry you’re going through this.
Go after her father for more support so you can privately pay for help if you need it. Don’t let him off!! It’s stressful going through the courts but worse if you have to struggle daily while he forgets her existence.
Back to court. Ask for the cost of your child’s treatment. If he doesn’t want to help physically, that’s on him. He can help financially. Praying for you mama!
I’d get back on the Cs cuz he isnt gonna help as for spending time with just one kid I’d say fuck that if he cant acknowledge the other one well then he doesnt get to c either
Mmmm nope. He needs to be put back on child support. I’m guessing it has to do with him not wanting to see the one child he actually sees…but to be honest…if my ex chose to only acknowledge one of OUR children…he wouldn’t be seeing any of them.
You let him off of $100 support?
Go back to court. He won’t even see his daughter so he damn well better be paying for her care. End. Of. Conversation.
You need a break- you need to find a new nurse company for night nurse, especially for back up in the event that the other organization calls out sick.
I love the idea someone else had about being sure to find a block of time for you to recharge.
The state should have programs to help you with childcare and respite.
This makes me extra sad. For so so many reasons… how can he pretend she doesn’t exist… and just live with himself…
Why would you let him off support I’m sorry but he is their father and should have to pay let him complain he can put on his big boy underwear and get over it and if he can’t have anything to do with one he don’t need to see any of them period you need help from him you didn’t make your beautiful children on your own he would be going back to court and made to step up and be a man instead a a child I hate hearing about this stuff it’s disgusting that alot of men don’t know how to grow up
Definitely back to court!! Let him bitch! You deserve the help but most importantly your kids deserve that money. Especially if it will help with your daughters condition.
Instead of asking your hubby to work part time why not hire someone to help out with those hours while hubby is at work.
I would put the father back on child support whether he bitches or not. And then find a different agency that can meet your demands
I’m also curious, where you may be located and if your daughter requires specific certification. (CNA, LPN or RN)
I’m a CNA. and if you’re local, I’d totally be more than willing to come and assist during evening hours. Just so you can even take a poop without having to have your mind go 1000 places.
Id put him back on child support… why in the world would you take him off giving him the easy way out???.. Is there any reason that your ex can’t take your daughter even for a few hours I understand that you said she has a medical disability however that doesn’t change that hes her father
You have the right to change nursing agencies if the one you’re currently using isn’t meeting your needs.
I wouldn’t cut him off child support. I wouldve taken that extra money and hired someone as a back up plan if the night shift bails… shame on him for completely disregarding his own child!! Especially one that needs that extra care!
I’m sorry but you are obviously in need of help and if the father gives you extra money to provide direct care to your daughter than he should especially because he refuses to acknowledge her. Mothers like you need child support. I would take him to court for the full amount he owes!
Do respite. Put her in nursing home for a week for respite. Itll give you a needed break. Go check the places out. Hire your own person for nights unless u cant afford it. You should also take your x back to court. Your entitled to 25 percent of his gross income minus social security
U made it easy on him but harder on urself why should u think of him if he doesn’t even care for his daughter he won’t even care if ur tired of not. 100 bucks it’s nothing for a child especially for a child with special needs that needs someone watching her 24/7
Look into private care, even if you can only afford a few hrs just to get some peace to recharge for YOU and one day a week for date night with hubby. Look around on care.com in your area for people under the special needs option. There are many people with experience, certifications, etc. And care offers background checks. Or you can put up your own add as well. Good luck mama. You’re doing the best you can!
I’m so sorry that this is happening. Firstly I’m sorry that your ex treats her this way. Secondly I’m sad you’re having to deal with it all on your own without help financially - or emotionally from the man that fathered her. I would get child support again from him. You need it. Have you had a discussion with him about why he won’t have her or spend time with her? Not making an excuse at all, but he may just be afraid. Thinking of you xx
Stay strong Momma!
That is agency neglect not having coverage is not an excuse, report to DDW or APS if she is not on DDW. Sorry you have the right to be frustrated but you can’t make someone do something they are not willing to do(for the dad concern)
Your daughter must have a medical social worker or case worker. See if there are other local respite programs for your daughter. See if there is another nursing agency that you can use, one that can meet your needs. Look for local CP or special needs groups on Facebook. Get in touch with other parents nearby and try to take turns giving each other an evening break like once a month. Exhaust EVERY possible option. You guys NEED a break. You could even check out care.com, there are sometimes people with special needs experience. You could put an ad on there with specifics you are looking for.
Nope! I would drag his sorry ass back to court and ask for the MAXIMUM! If hes Not parenting her he CAN PAY for the help needed to Parent her!
I definitely think him ignoring your special needs daughter is terrible… definitely go back to court for support, I understand your tired but that support could allow you to hire someone to fill in the nights your left hanging… also! Respite care, really look into it! A week break would be good for you and your husband… it really sounds like you need help and there’s options you need to look into
Is she receiving any type of OPWDD services or has she been applied for OPWDD services? If so, does she have a care manager to help guide you with services your daughter mau be eligible for?
Put the bitch back on child support & have him pay for the night shift she needs! Why in the hell does he get the easy way out??
Get child support
She’s his child
It’s his obligation
I wld make him pay the cs. No point in letting him get away w that bs. And I’m sure there are a bunch on here that wld be willing to help u out w the kids sometimes. Just for a break. Good luck!!!
I work at a place where we take care of disabled people and in my house there are four girls and it’s not as bad as it sounds. We have fun and we do crafts together even though they don’t really understand. Some of the girls have a parent that picks them up most of the week and they stay with us the rest of the week. You’re not a bad parent if you needed to do something like that
Why did you take him off of support but still give him visitation for one child …get that support back and use it to help find a dependable night nurse
Im not going to bash you for taking him off child support, I understand that… I have actually offered the father of my oldest the same… But… I do think you should probably take him back to court. If he has a relationship with one child and you don’t want him to pay for that child, fine. But to flat out act like the other doesn’t exist… He needs to have it drilled into his head that she does… And if the only way for him to acknowledge her is financially, let it be that way then. Use the money to hire a private care for her or even set it aside to be used in any emergant situation that arises. If he tries to complain about it , stand up and tell him that since he refuses to acknowledge her then at least his paycheck will.
Im sorry you and your children (because im sure your son realizes what is going on) are going through this. Definitely seek some respite care and get yourself a break ASAP. You cant care for your children unless you care for yourself first.
Im so sorry about you’re precious daughter First, I would NOT allow him to treat one different then the other. She has feelings and I am sure she understands what is going on. So if that means the other child not going, then so be it. And u should most definitely take him back to court for child support. Then take that money and get extra care for your baby. For the love of God, quit making that piece of shits life any easier!!!
Put him back on child support
This is obviously not about money. This is about care giver burnout. You need to explore and look into other options for your daughter’s care. Accept you cannot do it all and you are not a bad mom for that. You can’t force your ex/her dad to do any of it. So, other care options need to be checked into.
First off find a different company that has the nursing staff that is needed for your daughter thay can cover their shifts like needed 2nd make your ex pay his child support for your daughter that is required by the courts if he complains about it tuff shit its his child too he may not be able to give her her care that is needed but she is still his responsibility as well and her medical needs more then cover the 100.00 he is ordered to pay 3rd rather you think your current husband should work less hours or not he still needs his job to support you and the family if you have the extra money and don’t need him to work as many hours bank it for a vacation or in case of an emergency… honey you need a break we get it and her dad don’t help but you can find a company that will help you all all of her medical needs so you can get away during the day and have me time but you need to start with getting the nurses to do their job thats what the company is supposed to do thats what you pay them for
How are your iron and B vitamin levels? They both make me seriously off if they’re low.
Stay strong momma:purple_heart:
Put him back on child support… You need the help and money isn’t enough
You…took him off…child support…?
He needs to pay child support --maybe he won’t help physically but he can provide cash to help find someone who will and unfortunately there are no extra home health help aides( I work in this field and we are short every day)
Put him back in child support and use that money towards care. $100 a month for a special needs child is robbery.
Get another agency or get a private sitter. There are tons of agencies to help. I’m sorry for the hurt you experience for loving your child. Please never stop (not saying you would) so she can have that love and feel family. Have you applied for disability? Any help you can get towards hiring care
I say he either steps up and cares for ALL of his children or he doesn’t get to see any of his children. That’s so disgusting, unfair and sets such a bad example for both of your children. Imagine how that makes your sweet daughter feel and what your son must think? Then if he can’t or complains about helping with the financial part of raising children then that’s his problem. That money is really important to the care of your daughter and could be used to make sure you have a night nurse so you and your husband can have a break. This guy sounds like a special kinda something. So sad
How you going to take him off of child support for complaining then complain he doesn’t help you? Not trying to be condescending but come on. You’re a big girl, take him to court. You know you deserve way more so go get it. And if you’re in Florida dm me, I know of an amazing summer camp that works with children that have cerebral palsy!
I know its hard, but if you dont take care of yourself, you cant take care of others! I saw its already been suggested; but sounds like you really need some respite care.
Can you put him back on child support and use that money to hire another care giver for your daughter?
Yes he should take the daughter and son. They are his children and continue to pay child support
This would give you money to hire a personal care giver for a break at night
I’m right where you are. Being a special needs mom is hard, especially when theres no help. Maybe get him back on child support & ask for more so you can use it towards care & look into other options for help. Maybe a local family advocate can help.
You should definitely put him back on child support and I would push for more than $100 a month that’s ridiculous. If he doesn’t want to be in her life that’s on him but you didnt make her by yourself so why should you have to support her by yourself ( not meaning you have no support from current husband or your family). He sounds like a total jackass. If it were me it would be all or nothing they are both his kids and should be treated the same.
Get child support, if nothing else use the money to hire someone to stay overnight a couple times a month so u can rest
I would say I feel sorry for you but I wont. I feel heartbroken for your little girl. You take his worth piece of sh*t ass back to court and get the help for her. You have a child with special needs and your feeling bad for a healthy grown man. Please grow a back bone for her.
Take to court and let them force issue and put him back on child support and as for agency look for new ones
I’m so sorry mama.
Do you have any other family or friends who might be willing to take a night shift and you pay them a little something?
That way you don’t feel like you’re just pawning her off and it’s helping them and you.
If you don’t need the money put it in the bank for her needs as she gets older. Make him pay child support. Find someone willing to cover when home health calls off. Use the child support to cover this cost. You didn’t make her yourself.
Honey I know care giver burnout and this is it. Though not same situation I was my Mom’s primary caregiver for a few years (Alzheimers and has passed away) … and Lord we love those we care for dearly, but it certainly can burn a body and mind out. You need to find more care. I HOPE you can find more care Explore all your options…will take a little extra energy that you probably feel like you don’t have but getting the extra care you need will help more in the long run. Wishing you all love and light…
Wow, it was easy for him to stop having to pay child support. Put him back on child support! Even if he doesn’t pay, when he files taxes you will receive his tax return because he’s behind on payments.
Let me tell you I’m a pediatric nurse and work with agencies. They have nurses the agency just don’t try I’ve seen it many times and it really sad. Tell them to either find you a night nurse or you will be switching agencies and I promise you they’ll get to moving. I’m sorry you’re going through this
First of all take a deep breath and hug yourself, you have every reason to feel overwhelmed do not feel guilty for feeling this way. Second if your home is large enough you could consider hiring a live in nanny, or even offer free room and board to a college student in exchange for night time care. Also you should take your ex to court and demand child support or the all of the costs of your daughter’s nursing care since he won’t help.
What I really think you need though is a weekend with just you and your husband, no kids just you two, it is a shame your daughter’s sperm donor wants nothing to do with her.
Do you have a case worker through department of disabilities? I’ve never had a night nurse, luckily my mom is my daughter’s nurse during the day but with covid-19 it’s been difficult. I guess only thing I can suggest is finding some time for yourself when you do have a day nurse. I love nap time call a caseworker and file for an emergency review so you can figure out your nights. Good luck!
Put him back on child support. How dare he acknowledge one and not the other. That is outright disgusting!
I would try finding another agency maybe that has better nurses and more nurses so that if they call out someone can still come be with your daughter! Thats their job… And for the father, I wouldn’t let him off the hook, He’s literally half of her DNA so he needs to pay especially if he doesn’t even acknowledge her… Im sorry your sweet girl is treated that way by her dad. He doesn’t deserve her or your son in any way.
I have absolutely zero advice but i want you to know that you are amazing. It’s okay to breathe. Find something that will bring you peace.
Hugs to you, mama
1st and foremost honey your a person. You are entitled to feel the things you are you’re only human. Both of those children are mighty blessed to have you and vice versa! I would go back to court and have my case reopened!! You didn’t produce those children by yourself, so how dare him not acknowledge one because of a disability!! It’s time their father does his whole part not Partial! Be strong honey, it’s going to be okk!! Prayers for you and your situation getting better!!
I wouldn’t push a child on your ex especially one with special needs needs a lot of care. But I would definitely take him for child support.
So sad. Im sorry her biological father is such a pos. Sounds like you need to honestly keep your son from him also. He is teaching the boy that it’s okay to alienate his sister due to her condition. That’s not correct or right. If he won’t accept both equally and lovingly then he deserves none
im sorry momma. =( it sound tough. I don’t have advise cause I never been in that situation but reading your post, i know its gotta be hard on you =( Praying for you and hope you find a solution. We all need proper rest to function.
I wouldn’t push him to see your daughter. He obviously doesn’t care about her and it would just end up hurting her even worst. I would however take him to court for child support. It doesn’t matter if he bitches about it non stop or not. That’s his child and he needs to help take care of her. Don’t let him bully you into not taking care of his responsibilities. And as for the care of your daughter, I would def look into a different company that one is obviously not equipped to deal with your needs if they never have night nurses. You need to care of yourself if you’re going to be taking care of your kids. Good luck
Court court court. And its not 50/50 if one is with you full time and has special medical expenses. As the father he is responsible for half of her medical expenses. Don’t let him off. It deprives your daughter of things she needs. Even if that is paying for extra care so that she can have a better relationship with you and your husband.