My ex and I have a six-year-old son together. We dated for a really short time before I got pregnant with him, and it just didn’t work out. Mostly on my end. There’s no bad blood there. He’s since gotten married and has two more sons with his wife. The first is four, and the other two. They’re not in the best financial place, and I don’t get any child support, which is fine. I care more about him seeing his son, and I make more than both of them. Anyway, he came to pick my son up last week and saw that I had a few trash bags sitting by the back door. He asked me what they were, and I told him I was getting rid of our son’s old toys and that I was giving the clothes to my grandma’s church. He got really mad and asked why the hell I was throwing away perfectly good stuff. Mind you; I bought ALL of those toys and clothes. I just replied that I have no room, he’s outgrown everything, and his birthday is coming up anyway. He tried to grab the bags and said he was going to take them home and give them to his boys. I told him no because he didn’t even ask, and I paid for them, so it’s up to me to figure out what to do with them. I also promised my grandma that she would have the clothes for their clothing drive. We argued about it, and now I’m just annoyed. Am I wrong? I just feel like he can’t demand I give him stuff I paid for, but I also know those are my son’s brothers? What do I do?
Honestly, knowing he has younger boys i woulda asked him if hed wanted them first but thats me
I would have ask if he wanted the stuff first but the way he acted is unacceptable. No one gets to demand anything from anyone.
Id give them to your sons brothers. Those are things those parents simply cant afford. At the end of the day those are your child’s siblings. And even though they are not biologically yours… Your son will see what you do for them. Even if its just handme downs
You’re not wrong. You dont owe him first dibs. You bought the toys they are yours to do what you want.
Nah I say he’s in the wrong thinking you owe him that stuff for free! Just because you’re the mother to his child doesn’t mean he can just take anything he needs from you! Don’t have kids if you want afford them🤷🏻♀️
I’d definitely give them to your son’s brother’s, you don’t owe him anything at all by the way I just think for his brothers to have them is lovely
You are right 100 percent. They are yours to do with what you want- also knowing they could sure use them I would give them to him for sure
Wow you clearly have more bad blood than you think you do. You are giving stuff away but your sons half brothers can’t even have your throw aways ? Grow up
I would have asked him if he wanted them. You said yourself they struggle…but not everyone is considerate of others.
No your not wrong, he was totally in the wrong to just grab BUT you may not know his whole circumstances, his family might be really struggling and it maybe just over took him, if it was me, I would offer to leave the bags out for him if he wishes to back and say no more about it, id hate to think of kids going without when you could possibly enrich their wee lives
Either way is not necessarily wrong but I think maybe your son might have liked to have been able to share with his siblings who are by your account less fortunate. You could have told him how much a big brother is an important role model and how he can help them. It’s not about the ex at all and I think you could have used it to really taught your son a lesson for life and made him feel really good about being a caring , giving big brother and if you had other children one day that might have helped you in the long run … just a thought ?
Taking care of your sons siblings, his family, should be something you want to do and would do.
Honestly it was on your part . U just said they was not in a good financial place so even though they are not your children they see ur sons brothers etc…It would have been good for u to ask them 1st. It dont matter if u bought them. It was petty to not even consider them. Its for the kids,not him or her.
Not his stuff not his choice. IMO if he isnt even paying child support he needs to mind his business.
It’s up to you. You don’t owe him anything and if you already have places for them to go I wouldn’t change that for someone who is rude. He can figure out his own house. Don’t feel bad!
Girl don’t feel bad! You paid for that stuff. Especially since he doesn’t help you financially at all. It’s your choice. If he can’t support his kids he shouldn’t be having them. They can buy their own stuff.
U are 100 Right However Knowing They dont have much money and they are ur sons bothers I would Of Gave them to him to help him Out! ur son would of liked him going to his brothers…
Just give it to his siblings who cares who bought what . And I’m sure you can donate other things to the church .
If children are in need of clothing. By all means…give them clothing
He could have just asked…hes not owed anything from you
Since he feels entitled the stuff you bought your son, obviously makes me not want to offer him anything in the future. And you’re not wrong, you don’t have to offer him anything and because of his behavior I’d never offer him anything in the future either regardless if he has other children. Giving them to a church shows your son decency. Just because the other children are his half brothers doesn’t mean that his hand me downs are automatically theirs, they aren’t your children and there are plenty of children in need. Next time don’t tell him anything, just say its extra trash.
You don’t owe him anything, but he could probably use some of the stuff too you said it yourself, they’re financially struggling. Maybe divide the stuff, offer him some items. He acted inappropriately, but might have been hurt, you knowing he could use the stuff, but skipping over him.
If you bought it then you do what is right especially if you already promised it to someone else
But his entitlement is uncalled for? Honestly it sounds like he was offended and hurt that his sons brothers didnt come to mind.
You aren’t wrong and it’s not his business what’s even in the bags. If you wanna donate things or even give them away then up to you. Not your place to support his kids. Not saying you can’t ever give him anything or ask him but he has no reason to be mad or even demand you give him things.
He shouldn’t get angry about it and try and snatch them. He should have asked if he could have them things for his sons, maybe in future offer things to him it’s nice that your in a post to do such a thing.
Technically speaking you aren’t wrong, but you made mention they are not as well off financially.
But if he isn’t paying child support I think I’d probably do the same throng
He’s not entitled to the stuff your son has outgrown. It’s none of his buisness what you choose to do with it. He needs to stand up & support all his kids & stop expecting you to. He’s just mad you’re not enabling his irresponsibility.
You don’t owe him anything. It was wrong of him to just try to grab them. That being said however, me personally I would have asked him first if they needed anything and then donated what he didn’t take.
Your ex chose to have more children he new he couldn’t afford it not up to you to take care of his other children
He shouldnt have grab the bags. But i would have called or text him to see if he wanted the clothes or if he needed them for his younger children.
They are yours to choose what to do with.he cant demand anything from you for sure. I would be pissed that he felt entitled to youre stuff, and if they are already promised to youre grandma keep with that. However it would be nice if you offered him the give aways in the future
Not his choice! You paid for the stuff. You do as you want. Since it is already promised to your grandma. It should go to your grandma church. Maybe next time you clean out your sons items he can ask for them nicely or offer to buy them from you. Not your place to support the kids he made with another woman.
The things are not for him , the boys could get good use of them. You plan to donate anyway … so donate to the boys. Not worth a fight that could get in between your boy and his daddy
You’re right you don’t owe him but that doesn’t make your decision the right one. Those boys are his brothers and you said they were struggling financially. Why wouldn’t you give them the clothes??
He should of asked. If you’ve already promised them to someone else then that wouldn’t be right. You’re not wrong
Boundaries need to be set
You don’t owe him anything but if his kids needed them I probably would give them to them first. Just because they are your child’s siblings. But he shouldn’t demand you do anything.
Give both your son father and grandma some of the stuff just pick some stuff that you think him sons will like and give them the stuff
Your only punishing the boys here, if you were going to donate anyways mine as well donate to children you know
I think you should of given them to him since it would help him take better care of your son’s brothers. He shouldn’t of felt entitled to them and should of asked. But it would make me feel good to give my my child’s siblings
I would ask myself… Is it worth being petty over?
You are not wrong but are you right?
If you were in his position and he was aware of, how would it make you feel?
What would Jesus do?
You paid for the stuff because you and him weren’t together or you paid for the stuff because he was paying bills and you’re the one that did the Clothes shopping( while you were together?) There’s a difference.
He’s not entitled to the things YOU bought with YOUR money. It’s like saying he’s going to take some of your old clothes to his new wife, without asking. He obviously wouldn’t do that, why, because it’s your stuff that YOU paid for. He thinks he’s entitled to it because you share your son, but he’s not. He didn’t pay for it or help for it at all, then they aren’t his to take or give away. You have your word to someone then keep it. In the future you should talk to him and let him know if he would like something he could go ahead and ask but just trying to take things are not the way to go. It’s all about just communication.
Girl, just give those kids some new toys say they’re from brither, who gives a shit don’t read too much into shit
I would have at least offered if they wanted some stuff and donated the rest. But that’s me and that’s what we do in our family. I got tons of clothes from family and gave away tons of stuff to other family members. That’s just what we do.
But bottom line is that its YOUR money and your decision what to do with it all.
If you are in a good place financially good for you you earned it.
On that note, you can give the toys away, throw them away, or give them to him it’s up to you.
If it was me, depending on the relationship I had with him I’d possibly offer, but if you don’t that’s not you being wrong…
Why wouldn’t you just give him the clothes? It would obviously go toward a child in need either way. You sound ridiculous. Fighting over a bag of used clothes.
It’s none of his business …and his thinking that he should get them is bull crap
Unless we are on good “friends” I wouldn’t have thought about giving it to them you paid for the items you do what you want with them! It isn’t your job to support other people’s kids.
Anyone stop to think that maybe she was talking with her grandma and she said they were short stuff for the drive and so it clicked that her son has outgrown clothes? Just because the dad has other kids doesn’t mean she needs to stress providing for them. She probably didn’t even think about it until he threw a fit. To the OP: maybe next time you go through stuff ask him if he would like it, but you also did promise your grandma the donations which are NOT being thrown away, they are going to kids that need them as well. You’re not in the wrong.
You just said it yourself… and you wrote it down… the answer is staring at you right in your face!
You said and I quote: “I earn more then them”. Look … I’m not trying to judge but… it appears the guy is stressed having not one but two kids to tend too. And a wife. He has got to feel shafted that he can’t financially provide for all three and yet graciously you’re allowing him to see his first child. Can you offer a portion of the old stuff? Maybe make a gift basket? It seems he has a hard time asking for help… and is bitter you’re doing better than he can manage. Plus those are your son’s half brothers…
I mean zero offense. And I’m not saying you aren’t right to your feelings. But if there is enough to give? It’s helpful …
Some of the comments are insensitive. So now she must be mindful of his family when she is a single parent? Theee are other kids that are more needy and she thought of them versus her ex’s kids that have 2 able parents
Your not in the wrong !! I don’t think it’s your place to think oh maybe my EX will want them for his kids, it’s up to u where they go u payed for them x
You are not wrong. Anyone who thinks you are wrong to not give them to him are annoying. You do you mama!
Nope you’re not wrong. You provide for your kid. Those kids are not your kids sorry, if I paid for everything and you thought you were gonna argue with me about what I do with items I bought because you want them for your kids, you got another thing coming.
You don’t have to give him anything. Like you said you bought it. Maybe if you wanted to give the other boys some stuff that would be nice. But it’s your choice.
This is silly. She can give the clothes to anyone she wants. Kids grow fast and there will be plenty more hand-me-downs to give away in the future. She can always give this bunch to Grandmas church and the next bunch to the ex’s boys and so on. Both are good causes!
None of his business he needs to back off. Don’t let him brow beat u. Another day another time maybe but u had already promised your grandmother. U owe him nothing! Carry on! XO
Well if you already promised them to someone else it’s none of his business and if you bought them and not him oh well…
You’re not technically wrong but I don’t understand why its such a big deal. I would have offered it to them…
I don’t think you’re in the wrong. Especially if instead of asking first, he just tried to grab it and tell you what he was going to do. If he would have said, do you think I could have anything that you weren’t going to donate?, I’d say why not. Just because you share a kid doesn’t give him rights to stuff you bought for your kid.
He is out of line. He is in no place to demand things you paid for. He could have simply asked you if “your” son grows out of things he can use them for his brothers, but he didnt. He tried to bully you into giving him those items. What you do with them is your business.
He’s not in any way entitled to those belongings, but it sounds like he’s struggling and is too prideful to ask if he can have any of it.
No. You’re 100% right. He could have asked nicely and given a valid reason why he needs the items. But you are in no way in the wrong.
you aren’t wrong however if theres a bunch of stuff maybe you could give him a small bag of items
Mixed feelings on matter. I have been on BOTH sides of this situation. I say. You should have SPLIT THE BAGS. If you really wanted to help someone. Like really be charitable. You could have been kind instead of indifferent.
Give him the things. They can be a joy to his children and probably have some sentimental feelings with them
Since you said that you are on good terms and you know they are struggling and that you make more money than both of them combined then I guess if it were me, my first thought would have been “oh should we see if your little brothers want or need any of this and then what they don’t, can go to grandma’s church?” But that’s just me.
Unpopular opinion lol but here we go, his kids are not your responsibility and maybe he should’ve thought about that before having them. Who is he to try to guilt you or pitch a fit? He can mind his own business. You don’t owe him anything.
Give them to him, he clearly needs them, it would be a lovely gesture
I would have given them to him. If they can use them, why not???
You are throwing them in the trash, rather than give them to two little boys who clearly don’t have as much? The clothes to the clothing drive I understand, but you said you are throwing the toys away. Why not give them to the kids? Forget your ex, remove him from the situation in your mind and think of the boys.
It’s not a big deal but your sons brothers could of used it! Give them to the poor boys
I just feel like it’s your crap so it’s up to you what you do with it. He doesn’t get to demand you give his children hand me downs, that’s just weird! If he hadn’t acted like he was entitled to it and said hey we’d love to have stuff that he’s outgrown, (and they weren’t promised to someone else) that would be a different story. It’s all in the approach!
Not. His. Place!! Your business!
Well you could have given some both directions to start with but not because you have to but because it is nice. I used to give my ex my daughter’s clothes even though he makes way more and doesn’t pay child support just because it’s nice for the kids to see the giving character of people. But on the other hand since he wanted to be petty over the fact that you didn’t then he shouldn’t have them because then he’ll think he can just demand what he wants for his boys as time goes by.
WhT I’d do is I’d get a few of the better quality things to pass on to him for his boys and then send the rest to gran for the church, get the ex off your case and help out the community, as much as I hate my ex his babies arnt him so I’d still be nice for the babies sakes
What I will have curse him out , they are not your problem!!! If you already told your grandmother give it to her smh
Give him the things. Its not about who bought it really. All your doing is hurting babies. And is that what your wanting to do? I’m sure if grandmas a decent person she’ll realize dads not in a great spot financially and see those babies need it just as bad
Hes an entitled ass. You bought it. How does he get to tell you what HE is going to do with it?!
They are your sons brothers. I personally would give any of my sons hand-me downs to his sibling before anyone else. Then give what they don’t need or want to the church.
No he is in no way intilted and should of said really mind if we have it instead.
If there was never any bad issues, knowing they struggle and my childs siblings were younger I would of thought of them first before strangers. But that’s just me.
Im gonna be in the minority.
Your ex chose to have 2 additional kids and doesn’t support his eldest, then demands the things you bought him? F that guy!
Your donating so its not like your throwing away things. Other people can use those items too!
I would have just let him take it lol clearly he needs it more than you…i don’t see the problem…yes he def should have asked!!!
Your throwing them away…let his brothers get some fun out of them. You’ve clearly stated money isn’t an issue. Give the toys to him and the clothes to your grandma’s
It’s not worth the bad blood and next time, don’t get rid of things when his going to be around
You bought. It’s yours. You owe him nothing. Had he asked about something like that (I mean come on, what parent doesn’t know kids outgrow stuff) beforehand, you probably would’ve given him some. He isn’t your responsibility, nor can he dictate your life. Tell him to take you to court. Lol
You are 100% in the right. I would be irritated also. If my baby daddy did that I would be offended tbh. I paid for everything my son has. And ill be damned if he demands i give them to him. Asking is one thing. If your fathers dad asked, and said “we could really use those, do you care if i go through them and pay you for a few bags.” But to demand is a totally different thing. Oh, id be pissed.
You’ll can think what you want. But this women was 100% in the right.
I personally would just give them to him, they are for your childs siblings.
If you promised the toys and clothes to your grandmother then you stick to your promise, but if you are throwing anything away that is still useable I would wait a little bit and then ask your ex if he would like them. He should NOT have tried to take them, that’s rude of him to assume you would just give them to him. The choice is up to you ultimately because you did pay for them. It’s not your responsibility to give his other children anything because you are not their mother.
You don’t wanna give it to him because you paid for it?? But you’ll give it to a church?? I mean… wouldn’t it be the same thing?? You’re being bitter honestly if they could use it why not?? Are you jealous he has kids with someone else?? You could at least be a helping hand and just give it to him since you’re giving it away any how. Wth
What’s best for the children.
Can you split it up? Some to him and Your sons brothers and some to your grandma church? Though he probably did assume instead of ask in the end you know he and his wife are on hard times and this could help them. Yes you paid for it and you have every right to decide who if anyone gets your sons old stuff but maybe splitting it up can help out everyone and you’re clutter free. If helping him upsets you then maybe think about it like your helping those babies instead. I’m sure they would appreciate it the most.
You are, in addition to being wrong, a petty bitch.
I think you should give those clothes and toys to his siblings-
Give him a cape so he can be super mad
So we just give things to men who demand them now? Wth!? If he had asked nicely “oh do you mind if i check out some of this stuff for my boys?” That would be a different story but for him to get angry at you for donating instead of handing them over to him, gtfoh! Siblings or not, you do not come into someones house and try to decide what they do with their things!
You already promised grandma and how would you know what his other kids need. And how is it he doesn’t know your some has out grown so much.