If he can use them and needs them for your sons brothers why not
I see both sides to this. Like if you know they are struggling, most ppl would have offered the stuff to them. Yet, they are your items, he has no right to feel entitled to your stuff.
personally tho, i would let him have some of the stuff.
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Are u kidding me??? U give that man that bag so he could take it home to his other sons (which are also your son’s brothers) like u said he’s not in the best place financially!!!
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I bet your son would have been happy and proud to share his old toys with his younger brothers and clothes too. Cant believe you made a big deal of “junk” your getting rid of. Esp to the kids that have same blood running thru them.
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If he’d been nice and polite about it I would have let him pick through the bags to find stuff he could use for his other boys, but with that attitude hell no! Just because he and his wife are struggling and you’re not so much does not give him a right to be rude and demand stuff that you’ve paid for
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On a serious note, I would give the stuff you already promised someone else to them. But, I would give him the other stuff rather than just getting rid of it. But I’d make it clear to him that he was out of line.
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Why no t give them to his kids? They are your sons half brothers
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who the hells ex comes & asks what’s in your garbage? the first place 
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Knowing that y’all are on good terms and that they can not afford much for their kids I would have asked him first before offering them up to someone else. Family first and they are your son’s family which makes them your family too.
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You promised them to your grandmother for the clothing drive so that’s that. I would ask in the future if he would like them for his children if it were me but honestly what you do with what you bought is your business.
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He could have asked. Sounds like he didn’t want to ask from his ego or not feeling like enough to provide for his kids. Give it to him and say next time just ask, that you didn’t know he’d want them.
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There is no right or wrong answer.
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Those bags are already spoken for and will also go to needy families through the clothing drive
Maybe arrange for any future donations to go to the boys?
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Don’t feel bad.
Just say next time I’ll ask you first 
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He definitely went about it the wrong way , but if it was going to kids who cares which ones !
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I would give him what he can use that you haven’t promised to your grandma for church. My oldest daughter is 17, her dad is remarried and has a 9 yr old with his wife. I am remarried and we have a 2 and 3 yr old. He sends my girls some clothes from time to time that we’re his 9 yr olds. If y’all are civil there’s no reason to not think of each other especially if you know they are struggling and have kids at home.
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It’s yours to do as you see fit, it could have went alot different you could have offered the stuff to him but again it’s you stuff. Do as you wish.
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Give the toys to his brothers
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I think they are 100 percent yours to give to your grandma like you stated you would. You could certainly give him some next time if you like . It is not bitter or anything so do not let anyone hate on you for actually keeping your word to your grandma. Clearly you are not bitter or angry you don’t even get any support for your son therefore anyone stating that is ridiculous. End of story there is plenty of children in need so some child will certainly be very happy to get them. I think it’s great you’re donating them !
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Maybe spilt the stuff up between grandma and the two brother’s. I am always donating kids stuff that we don’t need. As long as some other children get to use them than I don’t care where they go.
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It would have been different if he asked nicely. You could have given him some and there would be no problem.
That was mean. You could have keg him have the bag if toys znd clothes for Grandma.
Give them away 100%, because you made a promise and because he was being an ass about it. but as a sign of good faith , talk to him and say you would keep some cute stuff and give to his boys in the future. How I see it, it’s important to keep a good relationship with him if he’s good for your child.
You know they struggle. Youre first thought should have been to give them to your sons brothers who you know may need them. Their father most likely asssumed you would know this. which is why he reacted that way. You didnt offer it them first, you just promised them to Someone else. Yes you bought them but come on now…
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I would’ve thought about the siblings first naturally. However, it’s not acceptable that the father thinks you absolutely HAVE to help. Because you don’t.
If he was cool about it, I would’ve just said “oh, my bad. Yeah- you can take one bag, but I already promised some clothes for a drive. Next time, I may have more”… just to be cool about it.
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Personally i would have asked him if he wanted them Especially for my sons brothers.
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I would of asked if he wanted them before giving them away if we were on that good of terms and they’re struggling financially but technically you’re not wrong. It’s your stuff and you can do as you please with it
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I always give my kids stuff to people I know,especially if they are struggling.
If you had offered them to your ex he may have taken it badly as if you were insinuating they can’t take care of their own kids. It’s a tough one.
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I think it was rude of him to demand it like that instead of asking politely . But I would just give it to his siblings.
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you paid for it, so you decide where it goes.
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You have a right to be crabby and hurt about this…and they are yours to do with what you want…but and this is where is sux, your ex obviously needs some help…so give to to your sons brothers, family need more than strangers sometimes.
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Regardless that they were children’s toys, it is your possession to with as you please, not his
Well if on good terms I would of gave him first offer ,least they are getting good use out of them , but either way they going to good use
Maybe you should ask your son if he wants to give them to his brothers that are in need. Get over the adult issues and make it about the children.
Hell no your not wrong
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You don’t owe him ANYTHING or those other kids. Like you said, if he didn’t ever help you with your son you don’t have to help his others. Mo fo’s don’t take care of their own kids but quick to demand sh*t. F that…
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It’s not your responsibility to take care of his other children 💁 two incomes vs one. If You bought them, then It’s your decision to make on who gets them.
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You know I would be more upset of him not asking if he could have it instead of just grabbing it
I get that you want it to go to the church but could at least split the bags
Even if you payed for it
Co parenting isn’t easy even theres another women and children involved
But maybe the brothers could really use the extra cloths or toys to play with
It shouldn’t matter who payed for the items
Aslo the lady never said she was going to throw them away she simply put that they where going to church charity
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You are a horrible human being period.
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Tell him to go to the church charity and pick up the stuff there if he’s in so much need of them u bought it u decide what to do with it not ur fault they’re in a bad situation
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I would have asked if they had any use for it first. Like you said they are you son’s brothers.
Well it’s your choice not his… he doesn’t even support his own son but he keep having babies…
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Ive been in your situation hun! I Dont care what anyone else thinks! YOU bought the stuff, HE pays NO support, YOURS to do with as YOU please!! He was also in the wrong for trying to take ANYTHING from your place without permission!! If he had asked MAYBE different but I’d still have said no sorry promissed to someone else. Its Not YOUR responsibility to provide for HIS kids if he doesn’t pay his share to support YOU GUYS son!! THATS FAIR!!! If they r struggling financially & he doesn’t help YOU, no matter of you make more $$, than you have NO obligation to help them!!honestly! Maybe he needs to step up and do more for his family:woman_shrugging:
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I see both sides.
You paid for it so ultimately you decide.
You stated they aren’t in a good financial place, I personally would have considered giving them the clothes.
The fact he acted ENTITLED to it is pretty disturbing. You were sending it to a great cause. You bought it…yours to do what you want. He can get over it.
They are yours, you decide what to do with them.His family is not your responsibility, and of course you would think of your family first.
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Like this was a genuine argument? 
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While yes you paid for them and can do what you want. Personally, I would ask my 6 year old child if He wanted to give any of His old things to His little brothers.
Ex went about asking for help the complete wrong way, but it’s still a scream for help regardless. And your son would probably feel that charity spirit more by passing the stuff along himself rather than just sending it away.
I wouldn’t care if someone was my worst enemy…if their kid needed clothes I would give that child some clothes! Pettiness has no place in the lives of children.
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You made plans for the items. He doesnt pay for his kid with you, cant afford much and still has more kids. Not your problem.
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I don’t think you are wrong because he shouldn’t feel entitled. With that being said when he said he’d give it to his sons, I would have been like oh crap I totally forgot that you could use them. Here take some of the bags but leave one so I can give to my grandma since I promised her i’d drop off some stuff.
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Hell no, just because your son has extra clothes that doesn’t mean they go to his kids!
He could have been a bigger person and asked to get the clothes for his sons in the future but to argue that he has some claim to them… NO.
Even if he is in need he needs to ask not just assume that his kids get hand-me-downs from him SPECIALLY SINCE HE DIDN’T PAY FOR THEM
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I would of offered him the stuff first. But that’s just me.
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I see ur point that he could have went about it differently like just asking if he could have them for his other 2 kids instead but the mature/Christian thing to do would give them to them. Yes the church needs them for people in need but obviously ur child’s brothers r in need and ur grandma and the church should understand that… and make sure to tell him next time to ask and don’t just Assume he can just take.
By right u should ask ur son who he would like to give it too! After all it was his things! Even if u paid for it! By right its ur sons things because u bought it for him it becomes his property! So u should ask ur son who he wants to give it to!
He’s wrong, but they will always be his brothers so my personal choice would be to ask if they needed them. He loves his brothers and when he’s older he may ask you if he can give them his things. Children have hearts of gold 
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Why not give to your sons brothers?? I mean yes, it is yours to do with what u please. But u just stated that they aren’t doing so great financially. It really could have helped his little brothers out
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Since you bought them with YOUR own money, he has no say what you do with them! Now had he asked like a normal human being instead of acting like an immature child, I may have reconsidered. He shouldn’t have just demanded them, and you have the choice of doing what you want with them.
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Since you were going to give them away anyway, why not let them go to your sons half brothers.
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Any thing that u bought for someone becomes theirs so u don’t have the right over it! Even if u paid for it!
I think he was 100% wrong for grabbing the bags. Like you said, you pay for his things it’s your choice. My Sons father has no other kids and typically will ask me if I want certain toys for my other son for when he’s older (there’s a big age gap between them) I appreciate that he offers it, you could always set a few things aside for his kids and ask them if they would like them if you have a good relationship.
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I’d make sure there is some sort of child support order in place, then maybe in the future offer him hand me downs you don’t want. As far as this situation went, you cant change what happened. I personality probably wouldn’t have even told him what was in the bags. You aren’t obligated to support his other kids as your own (without help from him). You gave those clothes to someone who needed them- who that is is solely up to you… its not like you burned them so he couldn’t have them… you gave them to the needy…
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Maybe give him some to help out and send the rest with your grandma. He has no right to the stuff clearly but by helping him is a nice thing to do since your gifting it anyway. Be the bigger person even though you don’t have to do it.
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Why make a huge deal? You were going to give them away. You said yourself that they were not as financially stable as you. Honestly, what would it hurt for him to have them? You were not planning on making money off of the donation.
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Hell no you are not wrong can go buy his own s***
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You admitted yourself that you make more than the both of the combined AND that they are in a financial hardship right now. If the point is to donates those toys and clothes to those in need, why not donate them to him? You know they’ll be used. The church will have other members donating to them but they probably dont have anyone to help. Whether you like it or not, those boys are still your son’s brothers. And thier little boys in need. If you really had a heart, you would give it to them. Please dont be angry and bitter and take it out on them.
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I had this problem for awhile. I made less money but my daughters clothes were mine. Her dad knowing she had a little sister kept trying to give them to his brothers kids. I was livid first my youngest could have used them. Second I bought them. I also know she had two full closets just his niece liked her stuff from my house better. So I offered him a trade. I will give him 7 old outfits out of my stuff for her if he gave me 7 from his. Worked well till my daughter who I bought several items for was putting my kid in clothes to small. So that stopped. Needless to say my stuff was mine his was his. If she took it to her dads than so be it. But he can’t demand the stuff you bought. Tell him that you will give him a few things but your grandma asked first.
I don’t think he should have behaved in that manner but his children are siblings of the child you have together so I would probably have offered it to them. I could not tell you who bought what when I was with my ex honestly. We both just pitched in and helped. Maybe I paid for kid stuff more but he paid more bills. But that was just how we did it.
It is your choice however, it might be nice if his boys could use it , I am sure your grandmother would understand. Plus your son can learn alot from passing his stuff down to a younger sibling.
If it were reversed and you saw him and his wife giving stuff that your son could really use away to others you may feel the same way . He was out of line by being rude but his boys deserve consideration.
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You’re not wrong. Giving away toys is hard for kids. If you gave them to his brothers every visit to his dad’s house would be like rubbing it in his face that you gave his things away. Even if he hasn’t played with them in months.
He doesn’t support his child as it is. He’s not entitled to you supporting his other kids too. They need to find their own way. Whether it’s more hours or a second job or charities that can help them. Not steal bags of stuff from your house.
He wouldn’t be allowed back in my home. I would tell him he can text you from his car & you’ll bring your son out. Since he feels entitled to take what he wants he doesn’t get to come back in. If he can’t follow your rules then take him to court for court ordered visitation/mediation. Have a stipulation put in it that he’s not allowed to come to your home. Pick up & drop off can happen at the police station. If he fights it inform the judge that he has attempted to steal your son’s belongings once. You don’t want to give him that chance again.
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He’s not entitled to anything you bought your son and behaved like an ass! However, a thoughtful person would have thought about who in their lives aren’t doing as well as they are and could benefit from a little help! I always think about if I know someone who doesn’t have the advantages I have when giving away my toddlers clothes!
My ex use to be the same way he would be like why r u selling the girls stuff maybe because they outgrew it and we always buy them new stuff
After that tantrum I say burn them in front of him but I’m just a pos. Girl donate the clothes for your gram since you already made that agreement and ask your son what he wants to do with the toys , they were his 
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I don’t think a few unwanted clothes or toys is worth arguing over. If you knew they were struggling seems a good enough cause to me.
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This seems petty and just a way for control. You mention how you make more money etc. Regardless those are your sons brothers why wouldn’t they be one of the 1st you think of when getting rid of perfectly good clothes? He didnt have to go off like that but I understand his frustration more than yours.
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He’s not entitled to them but it would be nice to give at Jesse some of them to his boys
If you bought them and you said they were going to someone else, no he shouldn’t have them. He shouldn’t even asked none of his business.
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I’m sure you seen that he could probably have used them for his sons. Yes they aren’t your boys but those boys are the brothers of your son, I hope your son doesn’t grow up thinking to never share with his brothers.
Your right, but give them to his sons, be the bigger person.
Youre both wrong. Hes wrong for thinking hes entitled and youre wrong for knowing and acknowledging that they are financially struggling and choosing not to even offer your kids brothers some essentials.
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Truth be told, you had to have thought twice about throwing them away. It’s as you said you know it’s your son’s younger brothers and they could’ve used them. Why not ask your son if HE wants to give them to his brothers. Ask him if it’s something he thinks they would like. Use it as an opportunity to show him to give and be thoughtful with his old stuff.
I think you could’ve handled the situation differently. However, your ex had no right to ask what was in your trash bags to begin with. Your trash your business. Second, he has no entitlement to things you bought, your belongings, etc. At this point you can still ask your son what he’d like to do with his toys, you already promised his clothes away without asking him. Most kids are very giving, if you have a conversation with him next time that the church is having a clothing donation and would he like to donate his old clothes to the church It’d be awesome to get him to participate in the gift of giving with you. Then you could’ve discussed what to do with the toys.
At that point if your ex questions you like that again, you can say it was a decision you made with your son together and that he needs to respect your son just as you did. That way it takes away your ex’s power to target you plus it’s just better overall to involve your children in such character building opportunities.
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He shouldn’t have demanded them and grabbed them but don’t be petty. You were going to donate them anyways.
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Just give him the stuff.
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Well he sounds extremely entitled. It’s none of his business and you dont owe him anything. He should be grateful you dont hold him financially responsible…he sounds like an ass tbh
I think you should of offered the clothes/toys to him before throwing them out, or donating to church. You said he’s hurting financially, & you all are in a good place so why not also help your sons brothers?
But, the way he acted was unacceptable & entitled.
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You made it clear already Financials don’t matter to you as long as hes active in your babes life so I would absolutely be thrilled to donate to my kids brothers rather them some church
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I’d let them go through the items and take some of the things maybe half if they were the right size. And then donate the rest to the church. That way your helping your son’s brothers and others in the community.
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He is not entitled to anything an no it’s not your responsibility. But your giving the stuff away anyways. Sounds like control to me. If you know his kids are in need an you have something your giving away what would it hurt you to help the kids out. Your not helping him but the kids. Being petty is never pretty.
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Personally if I were getting rid of them anyway I would help my child’s siblings over a stranger anyday not worth drama and pettiness. Especially if I made more than them and know they’re struggling but that is just me.
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I would have gladly given the items to his son (your son’s brothers).
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You are right and he is so wrong Don’t worry any more about it
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It’s not his business what you do with your things. Even if he is struggling he isn’t on CS.
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Like…it would of been nice if you would of thought about his family. You knew they were struggling. I think part of his gross over reaction might of been some hurt feelings on his part.
That being said…he acted like a selfish asshat and no, you aren’t obgilated to give him shit. He acted entitled, which was gross.
If things were as cool between y’all as you made it out to be, you should maybe call him and talk it out. Apologies on both sides are probably in order, but definitely from his side.
Even after that though, you still aren’t obgilated in the future. Especially if you already promised the stuff elsewhere. Just tell him “I already promised it to xyz, they asked first” instead of acting like you were throwing it out. Especially if he thought it was getting tossed in the dump anyways. Still doesn’t excuse his gross entitlement but also is clear communication and no bs.
WWJD… give them to your ex for his boys… he NEEDS them NOW for his boys… ultimately the Lord will see your kind heart and how you gave…
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You should have gave them to him. They’re going to a clothes drive anyways, and I’m sure your mother would have understood, and wouldn’t want the other kids to go without. That’s your son’s siblings.
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The guy throws a toddler sized tantrum and is suddenly entitled to them? That’s a hell of a lesson for the 6 yr old- have a fit when you don’t get what you want or just grab it and take it.
Maybe HE should have said he understands she’s already promised them to someone else (she wasn’t throwing them out) but maybe next time she may ask if he needs anything before she passes things along.
I’m a cynic. By the sounds of his character he would have just turned around and sold the stuff he didn’t want.
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I guess I’ll be the odd ball… It’s not your job to take care of his other kids. It’s not your job to think of his kids before anyone else. If he wants more things that badly then he can take on another job. You paid for them for your son. Sounds like he’s just bitter but you don’t need to feel bad. The son you share with him is your responsibility. If he needs help with his other kids then he needs to ask and not assume he has a right to the items YOU buy. There is nothing wrong with donating to other people because his problems are not yours. He is responsible for the family he created, not you.
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Unpopular opinion here. Him and his children are not your responsibility. Your son is. What you decide to do with his old things, is your choice. Giving to a church is pretty awesome on your part. And the way he felt like he was entitled to your sons things, is beyond wrong. It’s not your job to take care of his kids. He doesn’t even pay you child support in the first place. So he wants to get off not paying anything for his son AND take his old stuff for his younger kids? Nah. I would’ve told him no too.
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You’re in the right here. He’s not entitled to anything. 
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You paid for them, you choose what you want to do with them. His other kids arent your responsibility and its not your job to help him with his other children. Its also not your problem they are financially struggling either. He needs to step up and take care of the responsibilities he made. You shouldn’t have to worry about those other kids at all. They have two parents with all the opportunities in the world to provide. Tell him to up his game and pay for his own shit, just like you did.