I need some outside advice. My ex-husband is making sure to be involved with my family even tho he hated visiting my family while we were married. I find out he and his girlfriend and her two kids, along with our daughter, went and spent Christmas with my family two days before I was supposed to go and visit them once I had custody and was never told. Mind you; I’m still in this ridiculous custody battle my narcissistic ex filed all because I moved without his permission, and he somehow thinks that grant him the ability for full legal and physical custody even though I still uphold our 50/50 responsibilities just fine. ANYWAY… he also listed my family as witnesses against me in an upcoming court trial. My family has just tried to be there for our daughter, and that’s it, but with knowing all this, I can’t help but be completely pissed off that he won’t leave me the hell alone! Now he’s gotta butt into my family’s lives? Am I just being petty?
Its odd that your family isnt putting you first and has them invited or coming over… that’s messed up… if you dont want them their… than they shouldn’t be there… he can go elsewhere
Sounds familiar.
Mine called my ex to tell him about my grandma dying before me.
Not being petty. I have been in similar situation with my petty ex. Sounds like he is trying to use your family against you in the up coming case. Does your family not realize this?
Why would your family allow them to come and visit behind your back? That’s not all on your ex!
Not petty. Your husband is being malicious. Focus on your child, and keep the phone number of a good divorce attorney.
He’s not butting in. You’re family is still letting him in. What you’re both doing is petty and needs to stop put your kids before yourself.
I’m confused your family allowed him and his new family along with your daughter to have family time. Its like they replaced you
It’s a 2 way street. He can’t butt into your families lives if they don’t let him. They let him… THAT’S who you should be questioning. Not the ex.
Your family allows it all though…ijs.
Is there more to this story? Seems odd…
He’s a narcissist, he’s going to do everything he can and will to hurt you. Don’t entertain him, and don’t react. That’s what he wants. Always respond and never react. Respond wisely and without emotion. And distance yourself from your family and him.
This is part of his plan. My ex is doing the same trying to win some likes by my fam… its all part of the ploy
No you’re not being petty, but no reaction is the best response to a narcissist. Stick to the custody conversation and no other.
Did they invite him? Thats a weird situation for sure. I would be having a serious discussion with my family and get to the bottom of everybody’s motives.
Write down everything that he says, does and bring it to court.
Maybe you should have this conversation with your family and have them put an end to it
Document EVERYTHING!!!
No and thats odd yr family. Did that …just do not react ro it
Typical narcissist!! Tell your family what is up
Not the ex’s fault. I would talk to your family about it, and let them know your feelings. As long as your family allows it, it’s going to continue happening.
You need to back off. He does not know the law.
Sounds like he’s trying to sway them and they might not be being completely honest with you.
I think there’s a little more to this. I have no communication with my sperm donors. But I spend xmas eve with ones nana and my youngest sees her as her only other nana. I still go to my youngest daughters aunts house at least twice a year.
Your problem isn’t with your ex is with your family!!!
My ex, his wife and her kids have come to our house one Xmas morning… and every year when I drop my boys off I have my Grandma with me and his family make us come in so they can see ‘grandma’… The way I see it is the kids get a stress free life with ALL their family around them
No he’s an example and he’s trying to cause trouble and put a wedge between you and your family!
Your Ex is not only narcissistic…he is a sociopath. He just wants to win at whatever cost, by whatever means!
Your family should have your back. There’s a fine line and he’s jumping in leaps and bounds.
No reaction is the best reaction. You defeat him with no reaction. Ask your family very calmly why he was there…don’t jump to conclusions. It’s possible he’s lied and / or they may just want additional time with your daughter. Be honest with your family but remain calm and don’t be accusatory. Keep excellent documentation.
It’s what’s a Narcissist does!!
You do realize he is doing this to spite you, right? Take the high road and thank him for including your family during your child’s holiday! As long as you fight against it or show any kind of anger, he wins. You have to keep your child first and your feelings towards him hidden. Record in a notebook, dates, times, people involved in anything you think is inappropriate and keep it for the court date where it might come in handy. Do not give him any ammunition to use against you, no matter how ridiculous he acts. As long as your child is safe and not coming to you with real concerns, wait it out.
There is missing information. Did he get invited to your families house or what? If they are listed as witnesses then they are voluntarily advocating on his behalf. They aren’t professional witnesses so they are not mandatory witnesses.
No you are not. He is being a spiteful asshole. Your family is guilty as well. They should have told him under no circumstances was to ok for him to not just go over there but with his girlfriend and her two kids. These men have some damn nerve
I would be pissed at my family for allowing him to come. They could of said to drop off the kids a few hours to spend Christmas with them instead of allowing your ex and his girlfriend to be there as well. In my eyes that’s unacceptable in my family
Depends. Did you move out of State? Judges don’t usually side with the parent moving from the State the child already lives in. That’s as far as the custody goes. Your family probably should have notified you in advance of what was taking place. Ask them to do that for you in the future. This isn’t about anyone but your daughter. Just continue to do what is best for her.
If ur family knows he’s narcissistic, and what he put u through and continues to put u through, and they STILL invited him for dinner, then I would be completely suspicious of ur family. And why are THEY on HIS witness list for court??? I understand he can put down whomever he wants for witnesses, but if I were u, I’d be having a serious discussion quick, fast, and in a hurry with my family! SOMETHING isn’t adding up. It sounds real fishy to me!
Be Still and Let God Be In Control
NO!!! My narcissistic birth parents sided with my ex and sued me for custody of my children!!
Its mind games and typical Narc behaviour. Be very careful! Protect your child at all costs!!
There is alot going on behind your back, he is probably spreading lies trying to manipulate your family to side with him and sneakily planning his next move. Set firm boundaries with your family, and ask them to ignore all contact with him.
Watch your back and try not to retaliate to the flying monkeys and gaslighting
My kids and I spend the holidays with my ex’s family. He does not see the children because he is an addict. I do it for the kids and his family. I have been with my bf now for 6 years and the ex’s family is grateful that they have a father figure and accept him as well at holidays so I see nothing wrong with it.
Maybe your family needs to draw some boundaries. Our daughter can spend time with your side of the family when she’s with you he doesn’t need to be involved and your family should. Not indulge him
Ask your family what the eff they are thinking?!?!?!
What a childish asshole. That’s what narcissists do.
The best reaction to a fool
Is silence. No reaction at all is the only way to deal with a narc.
Literally going thru the same thing with my husbands exwife…we just didnt move. Its rough.
He’s gathering the flying monkeys!!! Total narcissist…I agree distance yourself from him and your family…he’s just waiting for you to “act crazy” !!!
Sounds like you need to have a talk with your family
BIGGER question: WHY did your FAMILY do this to you behind your back? That’s the issue here. They should of communicated with you.
Now you have every right to cut your family off and enjoy the time that you have with your child alone and worry about custody when you get to that point
Been here . Your family wants to enter this thats on them . Do you , Mind you and move on . Karma is a good thing you know
Well why is your family having him over? Maybe there is more to this and your family is on his side about this. Just saying… it’s not like he just showed up at your family’s place without an invitation.
My ex husband always takes my kids to visit my dad across the country when I have no contact with my dad whatsoever. It drives me nuts!!!
He wants to get you away from your family so you’ll be alone and he can just swoop in any old time…
He’s your ex. He doesn’t come to your family events. Your family cuts all ties with him - online, texting, calling, events, everything. They see your daughter with you when you have her. End if it. It’s called a divorce. Be civil, be kind, be firm with your ex, your child and your family but that’s how it will be.
My ex treated me like shit when we were married yet my dirtbag family is still friends. My brothers comment was “well he did it to you, not us”. I no longer speak to any of them. Family sucks
He’s a narcissist … this is how they role. Need to have a come to Jesus with the family
My ex is also involved with my family as well. Come to find out that my family talks shit about me to my ex and wants nothing to do with the rest of us. My ex is literally STAYING with my family and they kept it secret for months except I already knew. 
Anyways it could be that your family is taking his side over yours. Talk to them and find out. They may lie but you’ll eventually find out at that court hearing when they testify.
For now, let him be the asshole he is. If he does manage to steal your family to his side, go ahead and let them be. Family isn’t just determined by blood, but the actions of those when you’re in trouble and need help.
Once being married to the definition with a photo narcissistic man…he is manipulating your family, hence why they are being witnesses and I do blame him partly. How this new gf…seriously even could be comfortable with it bc I wouldn’t but she’s probably co-dependent from his narcissistic ways, and will agree with everything from him. 2nd, you most certainly need to have a serious family meeting with your family about their actions too. How they are making you see they are taking his side, etc. But I agree with a lot of people, you have to document, document, document. Save and print all written correspondences and voicemails. Even if you meet up, family and anyone involved, start recording if in person. Just make sure your state allows consent to record from 1 party and not both parties are needed. Get an attorney, if you haven’t already. As for moving I didn’t read if you moved out of state or just to another town. If another town, not a big deal but I do know you have to provide the new address, out of state, could be a big hiccup issue.
You are dealing with a narcissistic person and the bottom line is…they only put themselves 1st no matter what, even before a child, family, and are master manipulators. I lost me, and I knew nothing about this personality over 20 years ago but when it was pointed out to me, explained, my goodness…I was so angry and who was I, how did I allow this. Since you know, you have to cover your butt with anything and everything you can. Good luck. Stay strong.
Two words: Meredith Miller. She is amazing.
He minding your business through them either he stay around or you they cant play both sides
Your parents might be trying to keep peace between everyone but at the same time they should have done that to you as for as him he’s just trying to get under your skin to make you out to be a bad person when finally say something about all this. He’s a snake in the grass. If my parents would have done me like this I wouldn’t have anything else to do with them. This is just my opinion on the matter. Prayers for you.
The more people to love your kids the better…Whocares how or when the ex celebrate Christmas…Yall divorced not the parents
Ive been there to. I would not say one word to your family & just live your life. Do what’s best for you babies. Dont give them any kind of reaction.
HAve your family been given forms to fill out regardungbyour children for court or have they been served with a notice to appear have you got a lawyer I suggest you do get one ASAP if you have not got a good family lawyer and 50/50 arrangements do not work and are very disruptive to familys kids
I am not even going to pretend to understand that hot mess … Good Grief !
If my family members are friends with people who mean me ill will guess who isn’t MY friend anymore?? When I got divorced from my kids Dad I had to have the court protect my address. Also go through your insurance and try to get a little therapy. It’s not for crazy people, it’s for normal people in crazy situations. It will help.
Don’t have kids then u wouldn’t have to experience this complicated bullshit!
Loyalty, Honor, Truth… Time to reevaluate relations.
Well your family is fake😒
Since we only know one side of this situation. I wonder why your family didn’t say anything to you. That alone speaks volumes. In my state 50/50 custody we have to inform the courts before we move to ensure it’s not parental alienation? Any fired up reaction by you is going to look bad in court.
Just be the best parent you can be. Let your family do there on thing . True colors always come out in the end .
This is not a new game. His goal is to turn your family against u. Every one now will be his new best friend. My ex did the same thing. When he can no longer control u he now wants to control how people feel about u.
He doesn’t have family and friends, damn…
You moved without his permission and think that’s a ridiculous reason??? If he’s trying to keep your child involved with her family, that’s a good thing! I’ll bet your child was happy to spend the time with them. Yes, you’re being petty.
well i don’t think it’s bad he went with your daughter and his new family…I wouldn’t have a problem with it.
the only thing is he’s using them as witnesses against you
I think you’re being petty and depending on how far away you moved, he had every right to file again for custody. Sounds to me he is making an effort to be more involved.
i dont see how hes bothering you by visiting your family when you werent even there:roll_eyes:
he can visit who he wants, get your panties out of a bunch and move on
He can’t control you anymore so now he wants to control how others view you. Just stay strong girl, you don’t need to tell your side of the story eventually the act will end and your truth will come to light.
Unfortunately … there’s probably nothing you can do about this dangit … this isn’t permanent … go find some muscular dude ( friend or shoot boyfriend ) and then maybe he will stop wanting to come 
sorry for being this way I just don’t like narcissistic men
Your family needs to set a clear boundary. How did you find out? Your family allowed him to butt in. 
You need to a have a serious conversation with them. We all know narcissistic ex will not cooperate!
What’s the problem with him visiting your family? With your child of all things?
You moved without telling him? That’s illegal where I’m at and considered an attempt to alienate one parent. You sound like the problem in this case.
The only time you need the other parents permission is when its across state lines. If you DID move across state lines, you’re the one in the wrong here. If you DIDN’T move across state lines, just be happy he is taking your daughter to see her family.
Sorry to day, but usually if you move without notifying the other parent (unless they’ve given up rights), it’s perfectly within his realm to take you to court depending on how far you moved. As for the rest, be glad he’s even making an effort. There’s a lot of fathers who would just walk off and not care.
Why did your family allow him to spend Christmas with them? That’s fucked up imo.
Your family needs to be the ones you’re talking to. They need to take a stand. Once he’s your ex…he’s their ex. Not okay! Sorry girl, navigating this stuff is so stressful & hard.
Be grateful they get along much better than not but I would be annoyed with my family not him. I couldn’t even imagine these circumstances of my family wanting to be near my sons father if he was doing what your bd is
hes using your family to control you. your family needs to stay out of it. I would cut them off if they didnt.
They can be his witnesses unless they are willing to testify against you
I disagree, it is her family who he did not want to go see before their break. It’s like a good way to hurt her. He could have taken their child to see his family with his girlfriend and child. Why start a fire if he has moved on
Well it’s pretty well known that moving during a custody battle can be detrimental to the custody case, most of the time you need the other parents permission to move out of state and sometimes even within the state. I dont think it’s weird that he saw your family with your Daughter I would applaud that any father wants a relationship with the other Grandparents and makes sure his children gets to see all family not just his.
Your being petty!!! And if its in writing that you cant move unless he agrees then thats on you and if thats what happened then he had every right to file again
I don’t talk to my family but my ex does they even have barbecues together bye gifts for one another I just ignore it
I’m probably petty. But if it bothers you that much, dish out the same. When you have your daughter, visit his family members. See how he likes it.
I’d like to see proof that he’s a narcissist just because someone says it, doesnt make it true.
I can see him being upset about you moving without talking to him first. That’s just something any parent should be involved in regardless of custody battle or not. Simply for consideration and reassurance, that conversation should have been had. That being said, as long as his visitation is not hindered by the move, and you didn’t move her to a bad town or a bad school district, then I don’t see it being a reason to go to court. As for the Christmas thing, this is not enough information for the public to weigh in on… did the child ask to see your side of the family? Did they ask to see her? Would she have seen them at all if it wasn’t for them bringing her? Did he visit his family as well or just spend all of Christmas with yours? My ex-husband is a narcissist so I do understand the concern. But regardless if my daughter asks her dad to go see my family he would take her simply bc that’s what she wants, and my family would allow him in simply to keep the peace…
I think if you are not married to him anymore he has no right to be visiting your family its your family not his
3 of my brothers are friends with my ex ,when i was married to him they were’nt one was just a kid when i divorced him,they invited him to my family reunion so i chose not to go,i have nothing against him anymore its just the point and i brought a boyfriend to reunion so it was uncomfortable we were divorvrd in 1970!!
Did he just show up, or did your family invite him? He’s looking at a referral from your parents to prove he’s a good father. I understand how this makes you feel betrayed. My only hope is that they are trying to hedge their bet incase he does get full custody. I wouldn’t let anyone know this bothers you. If he knows, it gives him power. If you tell mom, she might very unintentionally make it worse. Just keep doing all your supposed to do.
My family and my ex husband hang out all the time. A little back story, my ex husband just took me to court to try to get full custody of our son, he has taken half of my 401k, I left him the house and truck, no child support, if he has a family gathering while I had our son and he asked for him I would allow him to take him, etc. My ex husband does not work with me and tries to ruin my life as much as possible. My dad and my ex are friends and it pisses me of bad that he still hangs out with my family.
The reasons why it bothers me, when we were together my family never knew why I was with him (super lazy, etc), I feel like he’s only hanging out with them because he’s trying to find things out about me to ruin my life even more, I feel like my family is picking him over me.
He has his own family, hang out with them not mine. Also, my family kept telling me to be nice to my ex and to work with him since he is our sons father… which just bit me in the butt so I’ll
be changing that!
This woman only said she moved, not away from her custody agreement or different state or town, just that she moved, which leads me to believe she is right about her ex.