Sorry for the really long post, but it’s been bothering me for a while now, and I need to get it out. So to start, I have three kids with my ex-husband ( only separated) still married. The kids are 6,4 and 2. It’s been a year as of March, he has a new girlfriend, and I have a boyfriend, and we’re expecting our own little girl in September. The issue is my ex-husband’s girlfriend has told him he’s forbidden from answering my calls unless he has the kids with him, which to me is so dumb because I have the 95% of the time. Anyways I asked him what if something happens, and he told me, “well, I guess you’ll have to text me,” which even then he barely answers. If the kids try and call, he ignores because he said I have to let him know beforehand they want to talk. He never asks to see them. I always have to be the one to ask if they can come over for a few hours, he and his girlfriend have taken the kids overnight 2 or 3 times in the last year, and that was the only times them asking. They’re together 24/7, so he always says he’s busy or can’t take the kids. He’s always at her house an hour from his and will tell me he’ll have to ask her if she wants to come over or else he won’t go home to see the kids. I guess the point of this is, am I in the wrong for disliking her or thinking she has some growing up to do? It’s starting to get really frustrating and I’ve been holding back from saying a lot to him and Her about it .
She def has some growing up to do
First off, from the way it sounds, the two of you are definitely over, so you need to make it official and then set up a custody arrangement. Within those arrangements, these concerns/issues can be brought up and addressed. Until then, there really isn’t much you can do, which sucks.
He’s not talking to you and doesn’t see his children because HE doesn’t want to I seriously doubt it’s all the girlfriend… I’d file for child support if you’re not already getting it and cut communication
No your not wrong for being upset. But it’s his loss, he’s the one missing out on the kids.
However make it official get a divorce set up child support set up visitation. You can always ask your lawyer to add thst there be communication between both parents
Give the kids extra love and attention during this time. Your their number one right now. Just enjoy all the time u can get with them especially since u have one coming soon.
Protect your kids, I wouldn’t want my kids around that type of person
You can’t force him to be involved
Stop blaming her and put it where it belongs… On him
Raise your children in peace. Live your life you’ve started with the present guy. Stop trying to force your ex to be a father. It’s not healthy for any of you.
To me it sounds like your husband couldn’t be bothered with his kids. He’s a adult and can stand his ground with the girlfriend
Sounds like yall need to go to mediation and establish a custody agreement. All of these concerns you have would be discussed during.
I was in a very similar situation when my ex and I split up and my recommendation is get a lawyer and file for full custody immediately. Because this woman has the potential to wreak major havoc on your life. She is extremely insecure and she will stop at nothing to keep you away even if it means taking kids she doesn’t want away from you.
I would stop all communication with him. Let him call you if he wants to see them. If he is letting her control everything I guess he picked who he would rather be around.
Yeah she needs to grow up. And I wouldn’t chase him around and beg him to be a dad either. Your kids will eventually see the issue and understand it isn’t you. It’s not your responsibility to make sure he sees his children when you are clearly not keeping him from them. It’s his responsibility to call his kids, get his kids, speak to them… and also to speak to you. Yens are parents. And you have to communicate. I’m sorry but, they both sound like they are immature and have growing up to do. And he’s not a man if he can’t put his foot down with her and tell her his kids come first, period. And that it isn’t her decision when he sees them, or contacts them, or their mother about them.
I would stop calling and texting. If the kids want to talk to him, just send him a text saying so and leave the ball in his court. If the kids get upset, just tell them daddy loves them but he is really busy and will call when he can.
- Get a divorce. 2. Get child support. 3. Raise your kids without him in the picture. He certainly doesn’t want them. I cannot fathom how someone can not want to talk to their own kids.
You need to get a divorce and with a parenting plan in place as soon as possible. It’s his loss, but it looks like him having very little parenting time won’t really be an issue for him. It seems to be what he wants. Move forward and be thankful he’s not causing problems.
I’m going to be completely honest with you my husband stopped talking to his ex-wife when they split up and I got blamed for it but he really just didn’t want to talk to her he refuses to talk to her on the phone he would only talk to her through email anything that he could bring to court. I’m not sure what your background is the only thing I can tell you is that no one can make him do or not do something the only reason that that’s occurring is because that’s what he wants that’s what he’s allowing that’s what he’s doing.
Personally I would get an legal divorce and establish some sort of custody and child support arrangement.
You are not wrong but I doubt anything you say to him will matter if he is letting her dictate his life. Sounds like he needs to stand up for himself and let her know that if a call comes from your number that it is either your kids or about your kids and he will be answering.
Get a divorce and custody agreement. Everything is a lot easier when that happens and then you can begin to try and work on co parenting. My ex husband agrees that getting a custody agreement even though we are still great friends and great co parents was the best thing we could ha e done because it leaves alot less to the what if?? Scenarios. Less stress I promise
While she sounds immature, it’s also on your husband. Nobody is “making” him do anything. He’s making the decision as well not to speak to you or see the kids.
Stop calling!get a divorce, seek child support, move on.
Finalize that divorce and take him for 100% custody with all the proof you have. Do not contact him anymore and keep EVERYTHING
Honestly I wish I had practiced this from the beginning. I entered a relationship with a man who has 50/50 custody and tried my best to blend in and help the situation at first then the ex wife become manipulative, invasive, had no boundaries and all of a sudden as the therapist put it I became the primary parent. I was the buffer between the bio mom and the bio dad. I thought I was doing my part and right by everyone since my boyfriend couldn’t stand his cheater of an ex wife. We use to share holidays, birthdays etc then she brought in an unhinged 28 year old hot head who miss treats her and the girls were under her custody and then we have had the children full time for 2 years. After the altercation we put up boundaries and she then turned the girls against me… look I have put the girls first and even tried to become friends with their mother to show them what a healthier relationship looks like and now I’m paying the price. I had to move out because she would show up unannounced and create drama. I love my boyfriend and the girls so much but this extra drama is taking over and there is no way around it.
Don’t take offense to her wishes. She just wants her own life. However shame on him for not putting the children first.
If custody is an issue or money then take him back to court and make sure to document everything.
The issue is you and your ex husband and how to coparent together. This is not her problem or your boyfriends problem. The Bio parents need to figure it out together.
Sounds like he needs to grow a pair & she needs to grow the hell up, the kids are the most important people in this, they are suppose to come before her, if your only speaking to him for the kid’s then I don’t see what her problem is really.
How about getting divorced before moving on with more children. Messed up world
Well if its because of her well she shouldn’t be involved with someone who has kids cuz co-parenting can’t happen without communication and she needs to grow up. As for him he needs to step up and tell her the kids come first and has to communicate with you to an extent to make sure he stays active in his children’s lives but with making excuses to not see them then I think it has to do with him choosing her over them. I think its more of a him problem and not her. My bf doesn’t always get along with his exes/ kids mother he gets annoyed easy so sometimes to make it easier on all of us I talk to kids mom but its not because I don’t want him to talk to her I actually encourage it but he can be stubborn so we just communicate instead.
He’s chose her over them kids. Stop all communication. Get him on child support. Ur mad at the wrong person.
Yeah she needs to grow up…and so does he! That’s crazy! What does she think that his kids are not important? And why is he not acting like they are important? Do you have any court action with the separation? Maybe you need to take him back to court
He is a douche if he is allowing her to control him like that.
She’s immature and a jerk
He has responsibility in this too. To me, his kids should come first and if he’s not being a dad, it’s not just blaming her…though you’re right about her…it’s him not standing up for his kids.
I think HE has some growing up to do!!! Would you let your new boyfriend tell you that you can’t see your kids… Hell no!!! U can’t make anyone do something they don’t want to. HE is the problem & a looser for not stepping up & being a man!!! She is the least of your problems… Tell “daddy” to step the fuck up & put the blame where it belongs… Period.
Divorce it hurts I know I try and talk with my ex like it’s says in the divorce I don’t know about your state but I obliged as their primary custody parent to let him know of school things doctors appointments he ignores sometimes he doesn’t take them on his weekends usually because of girlfriends and dumb excuses I just keep a journal like my lawyer said dates times so on, it’s hard to deal with but eventually it gets a little easier unfortunately all you can do is just be there for the kids in time they will see what really goes on, just ensure them that your trying and you love them
The girls is immature. I would get a divorce and get full custody of the kids and have a court set time with father and get child support from the father. Seems like he wants the life without children. Move forward and the children will understand how their father is as they grow up.
Sounds like my dead beat sperm donor. He ended up knocking up his new now ex girlfriend and abandoning their daughter too.
I hope your getting support for the kids. If not get him to court to pay u support. Believe its 33 percent of his gross income minus social security unless it’s been changed and file for divorce
I need to hear both sides of the story
Divorce, custody agreement, and child support. He chose her over the kids.
Just stop forcing someone to be a dad when they don’t want to.
Id take it to court unless there’s an agreement in place
But even then so
Fuck whoever can’t love your kids as their own.
I deal with this shit with my sins dad, except I’m not sure it’s the gf. But she doesn’t push for him to see his son.
IF it really is her being the one not allowing you ex to talk or see the kids, then yeah, you are in the right for disliking her. But like many have stated, its mostly the ex. If he wanted to see and talk to the kids, there would be nothing stopping him. Best bet is to get a lawyer asap, get a divorce, get child support, set up an arrangement for scheduled visitations, and move on. And im sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but most guys are like that, they like their freedom of not having to care for kids or have to worry about any responsibility but themselves, and will try place blame on one thing or another to not see the kids, it will always be the new gf, work or something. And now that you guys are separated, there is nothing to talk about with him unless it concerns the children, and anything about the children needs to be documented, so emails or text is the way to go.
I’ve been on both sides. She should not interfere with his relationship with his children. But I’ve been on the other side where the wife doesn’t want to let go. Unfortunately it’s hard to know which one is going on. Ultimately it sounds like he’s making excuses. They are his kids. He needs to go home so he can see them. He needs to make the effort to be involved. You can’t put it all on her cuz you don’t know what he has or hasn’t told her. Sounds like the 2 of you women need to have a conversation
Don’t send your kids back. He’s not acting like a real dad and if that girl is more important, he can buzz off.
No he won’t do it. Period. She doesn’t control him, he can tell her to fuck off. He chooses not to.
It’s not all the girlfriend. He is choosing her and not his kids.
Stuff him, move on with your life without the headache. Don’t chase
If I was in your situation I wouldn’t call him unless he has the kids lol. Why would I want to talk to my ex.
That’s his FAULT !!! Completely on HIM That’s HIS children NOT hers… He’s a fool for allowing it but he has a CHOICE to not be with someone like that. She’s wrong, rude, controlling and a horrible person for trying to manipulate the relationship between his children and him… she obviously must be jealous of you & his children. But, if he’s dumb enough to put up with it and let someone dictate his Father hood then He gets the 100% Blame because he can change it, not allow that or Completely get out of his relationship with her… instead he is choosing NOT to spend time or answer the phone for his children… and for the Record if my kids or myself had to TEXT to get permission to CALL… Then his Phone would Never Ring period !! I’m grown, either his children are priority or not… I’m not playing games with Nobody… be a Dad or Don’t… I wouldn’t waste one single Breath asking or begging. He can text you and ask permission to Call… how about that ! Goodbye Ex Spineless less than a Real Man unproductive and Dead beat Dad
First of divorce his ass your having a baby with someone else second if he can’t find the time for his children then go to court get full custody and child support and last tell him I hope she makes you happy without your children cause at the only one that is getting frustrated is you cause he don’t care!
If hes that ignorant to let a girlfriend come between him and his kids then they dont need to be around him anyway and evidentally he doesnt care and has chosen her over them…what a wasteoid
Go get divorced finalized, go for full custody and child support and walk away from him.its gonna be hard on the kids but no father is better then a part time one…
Sounds like he needs to man up and tell her to get a life cuz u guys still have to communicate about the kids.
She needs to grow up.
And she sounds 100% insecure.
Why even call him? If he never has the kids nor wants them no matter if it’s her or not. It’s his choice. Leave him alone and be a mom to your babies. He will regret it one day.
No one here is choosing these children over themselves. Everyone in this scenario needs to grow up, including the OP. Poor kids. Stop having babies while you both still busy with this high school bullshit.
Keep all texts and records of unanswered calls etc. Take him to court for custody. He obviously doesn’t care anymore and if he or she suddenly decide they want the kids over you so they can look like the good guys you’ll have proof to back up your claims that he hasn’t been active in their lives. Does he pay for anything for them? If not well then… I’d send a text to her addressing some of the problems and how she controls how often they see the kids etc just address some problems you’d like proof of and then hopefully she’ll respond and then hold your tounge till court. That way you have what you need to prove your case come time. That or you might just get them without a fight. Who knows. I know you want to do what’s best for the kids but he’s made it obvious he doesn’t care and in the end it’s gonna be worse on the kids the harder YOU try to involve him in their lives.
He is the problem. Hes obviously just not that intrested in his own kids and you cant make him be. And thats just sad.
It’s still his choice at the end of the day. If he’s saying she’s the reason why he’s not around a lot then he needs to find a new girlfriend because his kids should always be coming first. He should be fighting to spend every chance he gets with his kids. I’d be more pissed at him than her honestly.
Sooo all y’all saying he’s grown and chooses not to see his kids… Does a controlling partner only apply to women in the same situation? Control and narcissism doesn’t only apply to men… (Definitely not defending him but my point still stands) we don’t know how he was as a father before gf came into the picture.
Girl, stop trying. Let him make the first move and focus on your new little family witb your kids. Document everything though so you can take it to court when the time comes. Every day just write down, no call/visit from their father. Just keep it about the kids. If some emergency happens, text him, and screenshot it and keep it saved. Then, it’s on him. That’s the only thing you can do at this point.
He needs to grow up, not her, and if he is having nothing to do with the kids and they are aware of that than I would stop even trying to contact him, the only time he would hear from me is if one of the kids ended up in hospial
Stop contacting him. You can’t force someone to be a parent. I know it hurts and sucks but unfortunately that’s just how it is… yeah she may be controlling but if he really wanted to be there and be a dad he would. It’s him not her. He’s showing you his true colors.
He has abandoned them and you. So let him go.
Stop calling… stop letting the kids call. I wouldn’t even text him
I would say keep trying because your kids WILL see that. They need to know you tried. And never bad mouth him in front of the kids a because he is their father… I also somewhat suggest asking the 6 year old
If he wants to talk to anyone - because this may be REALLY confusing for him. Not that you are doing anything wrong - it just may be helpful.
Sounds like your ex doesn’t have a set of cojones. I say leave him alone. He obviously doesn’t want to be a father to your kids. Why would you want someone like in your kids life?
That’s really on your husband for allowing that behavior
He’s making the choice to pick the girlfriend over his children.
Sounds like she’s neutered him and holding them for randsome. He needs to grow up and grow a new pair and start being a father. Unless this is the way he likes it. Its not all her. He has a say so in his actions. So id just confront him and tell him to either Man up or step out of the picture all together. Those kids need a full time father figure in their lives and his " girl friend is just not filling the bill " Get that divorce and be done with him if he’s not interested in being in those babies lives. They deserve better than that.
Any many that would choose a woman over their children doesn’t deserve to be called a father. Same goes for women if you choose a man over your children you don’t deserve to be called a mom.
They both need to grow up. If trying makes you feel like you are doing everything you can for your kids to know their father then keep trying. I gave up on my daughters dad she is 6 and he passed away a few months ago. Now I feel so much regret on giving up because she didn’t know him like she should or have many recent memories:/
hope they get that child support because it’s apparent it’s the ONLY support they are ever going to get from him. He’s a pantywaste for even entertaining this GF of his.
Don’t call, don’t text. If the kids want to talk have them draw a pic for him. You can’t force him to be a parent. Just go on with you and the kids and your life and be happy. It will save you a lot of frustration and aggravation
Same happened to me, except he can’t answer either way and the kids aren’t allowed to call me when they are with them. Some girls are crazy.
Honestly, as much as it sucks for them I wouldn’t push for my kids to be around either of them. Any woman worth her salt wouldn’t be with a man that would be ok treating his kids that way. They are both 100% in the wrong.
And write everything down. Keep notes on everything! It will make your case for you.
Idk but if someone really wants to see their kids, they will find a way. It sounds as if he uses her as an excuse for being a shitty parent
Let him take you to court you be unavailable unless your boyfriend around
Make sure you get court ordered child support from him! Let him tie his own noose! Be everything you can be for your children and let him be who he wants to be. Just don’t talk bad about him to the kids. If they ask questions say I don’t know or say I know he loves you he is just having a hard time being here right now.
The girlfriend sounds a lil jealous. Hoping your ex steps up to the plate and does his part
Stop contacting him. Why are you asking a grown man to be a father? He is letting this woman control him and he’s putting her before his own children. Stop contacting him. Your children deserve better and they don’t need the drama and confusion. Raise your children with your fiancé and move on
So the issue here isnt her. Is she a crap person…sounds like it. But no man is going to let a woman keep him from his kids. Trust me…if the kids were his priority…hed be making every effort to be in their lives…be it a simple phone call daily or the visits as often as possible. If thats not happening…its cause he doesnt care…shes just the excuse hes using.
Someone already mentioned this but document all of this! For you and your kids sake. Divorce him and have all of this ready.
Unfortunately you can’t force him to choose his kids over a girl. Yes he is super shitty for this, but he needs to be on record with the courts. And you need to be getting child support. Bet the girlfriend will love that.
As much as it hurts your kids they will know their mom loves them and did all she could.
Others have suggested doing the same but please don’t. Your kids deserve at least one mature parent.
If he wanted to talk to you he would. People only do what they are allowed to get away with.
She most definitely has some growing up to do…don’t call him and don’t text, the kids will see for themselves one day the kind of father he truly is and when he finally decides to be a part of their lives they won’t want him around anymore
Sounds like he would rather be left alone but to damn bad for him because he has 3 kids to take care if. As far as the girlfriend goes she only tells him he cant talk to the mother of his children because HE allows her to. He doesn’t see his kids because he doesn’t want to. You can’t blame the girlfriend because hell nor high water should stop a father from seeing his children and that should include her.
This is what happens when boys have babies… he’s far from a man
She needs to get over herself! She sounds like she’s insecure and not stepmom material.
Let it go but make sure your getting financial support as in child support…seems to me he doesn’t give a damn or needs to grow some balls…his loss I wouldn’t beg him to be a part of HIS kids lives…he will regret it one day
If he cared he’d tell the girlfriend that your phone number is his line of communication to his kids so she needs to fucking calm down or fuck off.
However I think he’s thinking with his dick here so fuck him, don’t bother contacting him and file child support against him. Maybe he’ll learn to call you one day after that.
You can’t make him be a dad. It’s that simple.
If he doesn’t ask, stop offering. His relationship with them isn’t your fault.bUnless there’s court ordered conversation or actual issue, stop.
He’ll get the picture or he won’t.
If the kids want to make him stuff or draw stuff for him, fine. Hold onto it for them.
I say all this bc I begged & pleaded & when my son realized it was me, it caused teal issues with his bio father. He is now 19 & won’t talk to him. My husband is who he claims as his daddy.
I know you want him involved but until she’s gone, it’s stress you don’t need.
Quit forcing your children on him for one!!! Evidently he could care less. Get your child support lined out and say good riddance
I’m in the same boat. We’ve been separated for 4 years and I’ve been in a relationship for going on 3. We have 2 kids together. His girlfriend told him he shouldn’t be talking to me. He sees them 4 days a month and it’s Normally his mom that comes to get them or girlfriend is with him when he gets them. He never asks for extra time and I always have to message him when it’s his time to get them or I won’t hear from him. During my time, he won’t respond to me at all and while he has the kids it’s very rare that he answers me. My oldest has even told me the girlfriend won’t even let her talk about me because it " hurts her feelings" and makes her feel like it’s a competition. Mind you she’s only been in the picture for a nonconsecutive year. What blows my mind is she’s a mom too, she should be smart enough to realize that I’m the mom and he’s going to have to talk to me regardless even after they grow up and move out.
Honestly… child support maybe it will make him realize that he needs to be there for his kids.
Dont answer his calls either… you make the rules, ill play by them… either he’ll realize he wants to see them & co parent like an adult or not.
I personally wouldn’t want my children around them if this is the issue just for the fact that if you’re forcing it I’d be worried about how they would be treated. I’d just get a divorce and full custody not even child support that would make the kids have to be there and possibly be ignored while they are there. Good luck momma stay strong
- File for child support if you haven’t!
- File for a divorce before you have that baby! Some states makes the husband the father even if he is not!
- Stop calling him, stop texting him!
- Print off all the messages showing he isn’t seeing the kids or refuses to answer the calls.
- Get an attorney
If he wanted to see his kids he would. He’ll look like shit no matter what.
Make sure he’s paying child support
When it’s all said and done, she may be an influence, but it’s not her fault, or her decision. It is 100000000 percent his choice. He is the one who puts up with it, he is the one choosing someone else over his kids. Any real parent would let anyone they are with know that their children come first. If you’re going to be angry with anyone, it should be him.
If she’s that petty and acting like that I wouldn’t want my kids around her anyways.
- Blame is on him hes keeping his own children from himself 2. You can’t make someone step up 3. File for custody and get child support 4. He sounds toxic and you should want that for your kids anyways.
Lwt the kids keep calling, itll break their heart but they will learn daddy doesnt give one shit. You momma will have to be their everything. Set him free, his conscience will catch up and karma is a bitch
He is a dum ass for choosing his gf over the kids I would go get him for child support