I feel some men are happy to go back to their care-free type life they had before children even though yes they did make the decision to have children. Unfortunately not much you can do about it unless you get set custody days. But then do you want your kids going somewhere where they may be made to feel like an inconvenience.
I guarantee this dude is telling his friends that his evil ex isn’t letting him see his kid while she lives the high life on his child support.
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Your problem is with that weak man you’re divorcing. Let him know that when you have the current baby that he will be placed on child support for that one too since he will be still legally responsible being your husband if he doesn’t get his ish together.
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The best advice I’ve ever been given…
Let him be the parent he wants to be!
Let him have a great relationship with his GF, but put his kids on a back foot.
It’s his choice.
You worry about your choices, your parenting, your children.
Yes you might have to pick up the pieces with the kids, but you would have to do that anyway.
Let it go, let him.
You be happy, you do you. And you will flourish x
Your children will understand one day, I promise x 
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Mediation could be a start a place where you and hun can sit and talk things through come to an agreement on days and times he sees the kids some there’s some routine and I agree with the other ladies he’s a grown man he should be putting his kids first and being an adult about it
I would stop asking him to have them. If he can’t/won’t stand up to his girlfriend then let them carry on. No matter what happens your children will know that you were the one that was always there and they will make up their own mind regarding their dad xx
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The problem here is HIM, these beautiful babies belong to him not her and if she has an issue then he should have the balls to say “I’m seeing my kids no matter what” but obviously he’s not giving a crap. You just do the best you can enjoy your wonderful family and your new wee baby 
don’t try anymore you’ve done more than enough. xxx
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You have been given some amazing advice & honestly I agree with all of it good luck your being an amazing mum x
He needs to quit being a big sissy and man the heck up . The kids are his responsibility too.You can’t force him to visit them. He’s trying to avoid his part of being a parent. Which usually comes down to child support/ money. First and foremost is you getting a lawyer or legal aid and getting a divorce with child support. Even if he can’t afford alot of child support he still needs to pay something to help out with the kids. Time for you to move on and that means divorcing him
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The real losers here are your beautiful children, let him go, he has caused you enough heartache, move on be happy unfortunately he will always be in your life but don’t let him make you miserable or control your life, you deserve better, believe in yourself and your lovely new man and forthcoming baby, you have the power, not him just believe in yourself and your kids
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I would say it seems he doesn’t care to be a caretaker and neither does she. Not gonna look good in court.
It seems the girlfriend is his top priority not his kids! What another dead beat dad? Divorce him and move on with your kids. It’s all about then now not him! Be the best mom to your kids. They sound like they need you.
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He has the problem, they are his children,
Focus on your future- get a divorce under way. He needs to come to you wanting to have a relationship with his children or you will be forever trying to make it happen for him! You sound a great Mum and I’d leave him to it! Kids don’t need half hearted attempts at being a Dad x good luck with the new baby and say goodbye to bad riddance x
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Don’t be asking him to have them. It’s not your job to let him play dad. If he can’t be bothered then that’s his fault. Don’t give them the satisfaction of trying to ring. Just be done with it. The kids have you
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She might be insecure. Doesn’t he have a mind of his own he’s an adult.
All u can do is be the best mom u can be. Hes ruining his own relationship with them document EVERYTHING visits calls overnights and go to court. U cant blame her, blame him for choosing her over his own kids. Im Sorry you have to deal with that, some people suck
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He needs to grow up his kids should come before her full stop
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Just document it all and request full custody.
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Sad but if he asnt got a backbone nother you can you do just be a good mum to your children x
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I’ll prob get hate for this. I would just stop chasing him. I did the exact same thing with my ex only he was single, I’d phone him text him you name it and he didn’t care. My partner would even go and pick the kids dad up on a Sunday so he could see the kids but he just wasn’t interested. In the end I stopped, it’s draining and upsetting for the kids in the long run. Mine are now 13 and 12 and they know all about their sperms donor. He’s blocked me on social media I don’t have a phone number for him and he refuses to try to prove to me he is worthy of being in the kids lives. Honestly save yourself the heartache as well as the kids
Let him contact you.
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You already hit him with the child support, right? 
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She’s not the problem, he is. The only person you should be holding accountable for his disappointing behaviour is him. I’m so over people like that who use other people as an excuse for their behaviour. He’s an adult and a father and is 100% responsible for his decisions and actions (or lack thereof).
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Sounds like he needs to get some balls
Sounds like his new girlfriend is jealous he needs to get a back bone least u can stand back and say u never stopped him from seeing his kids personally I wudnt make any contact I’d let him do the chasing if he chooses not to that’s his shit out other than that try set up a meeting with everyone involved or send him a letter from a solicitor asking what contact they want in place ect if he dnt respond fuc him
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The problem here is him. So stop ringing and texting and dont ask him to have them. His loss. Like hell I’d be trying to force him to be a dad when hes choosing a woman over them x
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Why are you even asking him to have his own children that he clearly can’t b bothered with! Forget him & her and don’t make any contact with them whatsoever!
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Sometimes men will let you hate the woman when it’s really his decision. They’re his children. If he wanted to see them he would. He chose her for a reason.
Sorry to tell you. But it’s him.
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U should have set contact set out. He should be having the kids so may days a month, organised and set in stone. Your kids deserve to see their dad, they need to. Try and if he lets them down atleast u know you tried. She needs to grow the fuck up!!
You had kids with a loser simp that has to be brutal clearly you need to get the devorce done and move on with your life if he doesnt wana be involved with his kids thats on him
You must still love him lol
I personally believe this is a matter for a judge to make sure there’s court appointed time or he is required to take them and I would also put a stipulation that she is not around your children because of all these reasons and show the judge proof of this. Because of all your efforts being made the judge most likely will side with you on this matter specifically.
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Sounds like you’re upset at the situation but to be honest, he’s a grown man. It’s not about her. It’s about him. That’s that patriarchal training we all have telling you to blame the woman. But you have no idea what she actually said and all the context and why. Or what she’d be willing to compromise about. Or anything really. You have no relationship of trust with her. He is making the choices to do these things. He isn’t asking to see his kids. Stop using your precious energy to try and manage who he is to his own children. If you care this much to ask us, you obviously care about your kids so don’t waste your energy managing something your ex should be. Just be their awesome mom. It’s enough. You’re enough. You’re not responsible for him anymore. You never were in the first place.
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Why are you still married? Obviously you’ve both moved on. Get divored for crying out loud. Get a custody arrangement set by the court and make sure you abide by it. Then if he doesn’t do “the right thing”, do not “bother” him and/or his girlfriend with a forbidden call…just go to the court and let it be handled there.
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Sounds like he has no backbone… His prority is his gf instead of his kids! Kids come before anything else.
Tell him to be their dad or sign off on his parental rights!
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When I divorced my husband, I got full custody but I left it up to my son, if he wanted to see his Dad. I let him see his grandparents as much as he wanted. Kids soon realize who is important in their lives.
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He is the problem not her, nobody should stop you seeing your kids.She knew he had kids when they met, if she doesn’t want them around then get out of the relationship.
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On a side note check the paternity laws in your state. In many states if you are married legally your spouse is the father of the child or you have to go to court.
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The only reason a woman would not like the ex to call is because they got together when you were still with the him. Speaking from experience. Legit fear on her part. Crappy decision on his part. He’s gotta step up and put YOUR kids first. If he can’t… leaving him, might have been the best decision you ever made 
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I went through the same thing with my ex. Don’t bother him move on with your life. He will regret it as they get older. Trust me on that. My ex is bitter now because he doesn’t know his own children because of her.
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He’s clearly more interested in keeping his new girlfriend happy than seeing his children, so sad for the kids. I wouldn’t say don’t force him but it’s not fair on the kids that they have to miss out on talking or seeing their father. He really just needs a good wake up call.
Before you separated, was he close with your kids?
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It’s really between you and your ex, who is not really your ex because you are still married. He needs to understand that he needs to talk to you for the sake of his children.
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you are angry at the wrong person! He is a bad father. Divorce him and get full custody.
Why are you making another kid?
Aren’t the first three having enough trouble?
You need to be angry at you, for bad choices, and angry at him for being a rotten Dad.
Girlfriend irrelevant.
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If you have a good man with you now that is supportive their biological father is irrelevant. However, there is probably more to this story and you have them 95% of the time so this is already not a 50/50 custody which may have him feeling disconnected from the parenting role . If you do not wish to share 50/50 physical custody then you cant be too angry at the situation…if he does not want to step up then thats on him.
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Live your life with your new man. Hopefully he wants to step up and be a father to your children not only the new baby. Your moving on. If you gota go get child support so be it. It’s his own actions that will force you to do this in the long run
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Why do you want him to have the kids when he doesn’t want to? Sure will not be a welcoming place for them to be. Don’t force it. He’s chosen his path, for now.
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I wouldn’t be taking anything out on her, he’s a grown man capable of making the right choices, he’s just choosing not to. So at the end of the day stop trying, maybe he’ll learn your kids aren’t toys he can play with when it suits and they still want him around as they grow.
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Your husband is the one who needs to grow up ,he has his say over his kids and it sounds like he really doesn’t want any interaction with them .If your kids want to see him ,let your oldest call him and see what happens .If he’s wants completely out without taking time for his own kids ,your kids will get the message .
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Document the situation and have lovely times with your children. His choice to do what he is doing and make sure if there is a medical situation, you have the right to make decisions without his input as the kids’ health must come first.
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Just cut them off hun if they arent actively asking for the kids then there’s no point in forcing someone to a parent. Ik it sucks trust me ok but its better for u and those kids
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Don’t force him or ask ik that puts a lot of weight on ur shoulders but as the kids get older they’ll understand its not your place to make sure the other parent is involved
I have 3 kids with ex husband separated not divorced he has his family I have mine my kids know who us there for them
Take it to court hun I had to I had a very similar thing happen to me and my kids the court ordered the girlfriend to not get involved it has nothing to do with her and that we needed to have open communication for the kids
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Speaking as a father that was separated for a time (my wife and I are together now) there isn’t a person in the WORLD that would take my time away from my children, if he’s with someone that can’t accept he has a responsibility and a relationship with you AND his children, then you need to care for the children as best you can and his relationship with them will NOT be good because he is choosing this girl over them
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If he wanted to see the kids, he would. No matter what anyone else says or does. Divorce him and get him out of your and the kids lives forever. Your kids don’t need to feel unwanted when they eventually do spend time with him
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If he wanted to be involved with the kids he would. He’s not a child to be told what to do. I would get a divorce. Take him to court and move on with my life. Sad for the kids I understand. But you can’t really force him to do anything he doesn’t want to.
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Yes. It isn’t right to be upset with her. She has zero obligation to you. Their dad is the problem. He is a grown man and knows damn well where his priorities lie. He is choosing to make someone else a priority. So, it’s on HIM.
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Go to court, GET LEGALLY DIVORCED, AND HOPEFULLY MEDIATION WILL SORT OUT CUSTODY AND CHILD SUPPORT.
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Well it’s really not her. It’s him, if he wanted any kind of functioning family in all aspects together or apart he would be putting more effort into it. As for the woman, yes she has insecurities if she telling him that. He has a lot of growing up himself as well if he likes to play that game with her. So your not in the wrong, but all I can say is at times we will never be able to say anything to those we part and all your doing is stressing yourself more than you should. Your kids will grow and see who’s been around, and at times it may look like we as mother are the bad person. Just focus on you and your kids and your family. If you need to mail it out, mail it out. I know sometimes I had things to say and I would write it out and send it out or burn it. You should just be concerned about your life, what they he or she is doing should phase you. ****I am happy and congratulations to you and the new baby, and for your children. You have to do what is best for you. Stop putting effort where he your ex should be doing in his own. I learned this in my own experience all you’ll be doing is taking time away from what your real purpose is, which is your family. ——if need be, go to court let them deal with that. In my case at the time, I would of just taken full custody of the kids, why have someone like that be in their life. If the relationship fails between 2, but to fail your kids is worse.
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Redirect your energy at your ex. It sounds like he wants nothing to do with the kids and is using his gf as an excuse
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Are you in process of a divorce? Right now he thinks the gf is more important than spending time with his kids and your children already know that. I would concentrate on giving them attention without depending on him.
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I do agree with the comment that advised you to keep documenting his lack of effort in seeing your kids or communicating with you in regards of their welfare. You’ll find it useful.
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File child support and leave his ass alone! You shouldn’t have ask him if he wants to see the kids or take them over at his convenience. If he wanted those kids you wouldn’t have to ask so take them kids and don’t bother…jst raise them alone and when he asks for them, tell him he knows where they’re at. You don’t need to explain shit to him or anyone else!!
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I think the ex husband needs to do some growing up not the girlfriend. He should have put his priorities straight. She wouldn’t go that far if he didn’t let her on the first place.
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You need to go to court and get scheduled times for him to see the children. Every other weekend, etc. I would also get child support through the court. You should have sole custody of them too. If I was you I’d fast track that divorce and get on with your life. Your not going to change either of them, you can only change yourself. Get visitation times set. He will either follow them or not. If he doesn’t care to see his children, they are safer not going. Tell your children the truth and don’t bad mouth their father. “Your Dad choose not to see you this weekend. I’m sorry. Let’s do something together “. Head to an attorney.
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He is being controlled by this insecure girlfriend. No man should ever allow anyone to interfere with his relationship with children. He is going to have real problems with this woman. Get it in court and let the judge rule.
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Take him to court and get a law gaurdian they are lawyers for your kids goodluck he should be ashamed
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He doesn’t want to be in their lives ok. You should be a supermom, that they don’t miss that poor miserable guy. Don’t draw your dignity .
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Keep a detailed note book. As lawyers seem the only option but this will be so expensive. So if you keep as many notes, screen shots, details, and if needs voice notes/ recordings, incase it has to come to court. But also this so called Farther is not doing his role. No matter what happens when birth parents separate, the focus should be 100% the children, they are the ones who will feel the detachment if one parent stops being a parent. His partner should have f all to say in this matter and if he was a true Dad he would make sure this was the case. You have both moved on. So i really don’t understand her problem. Maybe thats because i would never behave this way if i was the ex hubby girlfriend. She may have a spell over him for now, but in the long run, if he is a good human being he will regret this. Or they are just deadbeats and court is the only option. Have you ever met her? … sending you support. Xx
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She has some issues. Tell him to grow a pair and do what is right.
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I’d let them both have it. When you have kids together you need to both be on the same page in regards to the kids. Girlfriend need to stay out of conversations between you and him.
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It seems to me like you and her need to have a heart to heart. She is likely worried for selfish reasons, there is a big stigma that the first baby mama is always the go to for a side piece. She needs to be sat down and given an understanding of where you and your x stand and of the care you want for your children. Try to reach out and be friendly and keep your patience. If she is any sort of a good person she will come around
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I love that you are trying but maybe it’s time to let go maybe if the kids ask to go over but don’t force it never know what those kids go through when they are around with two selfish people not caring about his own children
he is their father…it doesnt matter what his girlfriend wants… its irrelevant…he is the one in the wrong…he should be a dad…no point venting anger at her, its his decision if he sees his kids not hers
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Follow the custody rights if any established visitation thru court and follow it …I believe your not over him and trying to manipulate with the children move on as you have someone else to lean and help you, also specting a baby from him soon so stop the baby drama situation and let him be as he obviously has done with you.
This is why if I ever divorce from my husband 50 50 custody. No excuses. Too many men think they are free to play wild and mom stress herself with the kids. Nope not me. He will know since day one he will have them 50 % of the time as well. I dont care how we arrange it but it will happen this way no fighting or any misunderstanding
First off get a divorce and let the court decide visitation and child support. Then set up a time you can call him for pick up and drop off times. If you have a house get a doorbell camera so you can document when he is getting the kids and bringing them back. Documenting everything you can so if he starts to miss his visitation you can take him back to court and get him to either spend time with his kids or give up his kids to spend time with his gf. Make him decide
Document every time you make a call to ask if he would like the children and evvery time he hangs up on the children’s calls. It will show up when and time on your account. Highlight the times and present it to court. If he does not pay maintance , he will be forced to.
Sorry to say but you have a bad egg for an ex husband there… He should not let anyone or anything come between him and his kids… Whatever his relationship with you might be… He just seems to be a bad parent… And you should stop making excuses for him by blaming the girl (which we all tend to do, I can understand… But you have to realize this is all his choice…)
His kids his choice. If he can’t make his children a priority maybe they are better off without him. Stop chasing him and the children will learn overtime the kind of person he really is. Maybe get the kids counseling to help deal with things.
If he can’t tell her to back off and he won’t make an effort to be with his own children and chooses his girlfriend first then don’t fight for him to see the kids. Obviously he’s made his choice. Kids are resilient and smart. They’ll figure out who’s important in their lives and who cares. Don’t try to force a situation that Obviously isn’t working but stresses you out. Move on, get divorced and be happy for you and your kids. I did. I couldn’t be bothered to constantly nag at my ex to make an effort for his one son. And my son is happier for it too. Has a great relationship with my partner and our total fanily relationship is better for it.
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You need to organise your life. Get a divorce and custody of your children with set visitations with their father. I would also get the child support sorted. Then your children will know exactly where they stand. If he let’s them down that would be his choice. Or you could leave matters as they are and he would finish up seeing them less and less.
Sounds to me like he really doesnt any interest in having his children around especially since he is allowing his girlfriend to lay down the rules in his life…she is a NOBODY the kids should always come 1st no matter what !!! Sounds like you need to officially divorce him and get full custody if the kids want to see him thats fine allow them but dont let them get their hopes up with a dad who is only around when his gf says soo…he is basically choosing her over them sounds like crappy dad to me!!!
She is a control freak.She is jealous.The kids unfortunately are not a priority to him.That ball and chain sounds pretty heavy around his leg. Speaking of balls,he needs to grow a new set. Shame on him.
Sounds like he is using her as an excuse not to be a Father.Leave that zero alone.Take him to court.
unless he is emotionally or physically abusive to your children, i think a father is important in their lives. So the new girlfriend and him are only hurting the kids. Your children need to feel like he is not choosing the girlfriend over them and that they can call whenever and however many times they want and he will be their for them. That in itself is an emotional trauma for kids if he is not there…
The new girlfriend sounds like a child. If she can not handle him having children and speaking to the mother of his children, then she has insecurities or trust issues that he can not change… and she needs to find a man without children.
With all that said, the only power you have, is over your own emotions in the situation and how you portray those in front of your kids and them knowing that you will always be there for them. I feel it is heathier for kids to see ex’s being civil and respectful of one another than seeing hatefulness. While perfectly acceptable they know you and he may not always agree, hatefulness is not.
Your Ex is immature and not taking responsibility as a father. The girlfriend has no place in the matter. Can you go to family counseling to co- parent. When is the divorce set to be final? Where is his family? Are they against you? Perhaps they can talk up him. He may not have it in him to be a father, get child support BEFORE the new girlfriend gets pregnant. Go on your way. Find a good stepfather for your kids
Fuck 'em. He wants to choose someone over his kids, he doesn’t get to see his kids. Let the new man come in and show your ex how to raise a family. 🤷 the only person losing is your ex husband. Your kids do not need a man like that souring up and confusing their upbringing.
Buy each of the kids a pin…give them his number and tell them to ask why he doesn’t call or come around. Get him to explain his absence to them.If he didn’t answer then the kids will realise your trying to contact but he isn’t picking up or interested. Puts the pressure off you and the responsibility on him and his gf.
She’s controlling, its important to communicate in order to coparent. She insecure and sees you as a threat.
I’m my opinion he’s using her ass a excuse to not do what he’s supposed to no matter what he says it’s going on, no real man who cares for his kids I’d gonna let some girl tell him he can’t call or answer the phone. He needs to be checked not her.
The girl friend has him confused about his priorities. Children first? I seriously doubt this relationship will last. Make use of this time to create family and security till he comes around. if he doesnt, the concept of family is list on him and 8 would not allow your children around the girl friend. Toxic
I’m sorry that you are having to go through all this. I agree with a lot of the advices, such as don’t force the ex to take the children. For now your only concern is to be a great mom to your children. I wouldn’t bad mouth the ex to your kids (I know it’s difficult). But it’s difficult on the kids, and it is their father. It doesn’t sound like there will be any reconciliation, so why not get the divorce, get child support, and he will probably want time with the kids. Which is good. I don’t know about forcing his current girlfriend to not be able to be around the kids. That will just cause animosity between you and ex. You don’t want him to blame the kid’s for that. Hopefully, that relationship won’t last long and you won’t have to worry about it. Kids who don’t have their biological parent always blame themselves for not being wanted by that parent. Not a good issue to have growing up.
Anyway, good luck with that. Maybe therapy would be helpful to figure out the best route to take.
You have a boyfriend and expecting a baby by him when you’re not even divorced and you’re asking advice on someone else’s wrong doing? I think you all need counselling!
It all comes down to the fact He is the ex husband and father.He is the one who should’ve been stepping up all this time.Quit blaming the girlfriend and be happy he is her mess to deal with.Go on with your life and get a divorce and custody.Have the court decide payments and visitation.If he doesnt abide with the schedule dont force it, just document it on a calendar.keep records.
Id say you all should sit down and talk like grown ups… you and the dad and his gf. Be straight and honest… ask the gf what her issue is? Tell her no communication between you and ex is impossible as you have kids… and that you promise to not call or text unrelated things to kids as you are happy with your new man… but you need to figure this out… and tell them youd like to settle this outside of court… that might just scare them a bit… aslong as dad pays his child support then he can go fly… only sad part about all this is that the kids dont understand why daddy wont see them…
He doesn’t sound like he has a backbone or cares for his children! Divorce him and move on!!!
I wouldn’t even have the kids go there. If you have a judge force it who knows how he will treat them?? He seems to care more for the new girlfriend then his own children.
She sounds like an absolute cow 
and he’s no better they are his children after all he should put his foot down
Save your breathe. You can only control your actions and nothing else (and he’ll most like call you crazy and obsessed with him if you call him out which will drive you even more insane cause it’s so far from the truth 
). And once you truely accept that fact about life - it’ll amaze you how little you care about your exes behaviour. It certainly has done wonders for me in my situation 
.