My Ex Introduced Our Kids to His New Girlfriend Without My Permission: Advice?

Relationships
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QUESTION:

“Hi, so my ex had his new girlfriend or whatever meet our kids without my permission, and I’m pissed. I want to know how everyone else feels about this anonymously.”

RELATED QUESTION: When should you introduce someone else to your kids?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

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“This is life from here on out for the rest of your lives as long as you have kids together. He’s going to be with someone else and so are you. If you want him to be civil when you meet someone then you need to do the same for him. As long as she is nice to your children that should be the important thing. I know it’s hard, but you have to be an adult about this. It’s what’s best for your children.”

“He doesn’t need your permission. Unless what he is doing is abuse… you have no control over his parenting when the kids are with him.”

“His relationship is his business. He doesn’t need your permission for his GF to meet YALLS kids. They aren’t just YOUR kids. Mothers need to realize Fathers get a say too. The judge told me that what he does on his time isn’t my business and I think more people need to realize that. If they aren’t being harmed or in danger leave them alone.”

“They are his kids too. He doesn’t need your permission!”

“Why do women always make it seem like they have to have the say-so for everything the ex does with the kids. No! You are both equally parents to those children, and just like you, I’m sure he’s making the best decisions for his kids to keep them out of harm’s way. Their time with daddy is just as important as time with mom. shouldn’t matter who he’s introducing him to or taking them to the movies with. Now when it’s your time to step in is if you feel he is putting your child in neglect or dangerous situation.”

“I feel like you’re a little salty he has moved on and wants to share his happiness with y’all’s children. You should be happy for him and encourage this behavior; after all, he could just spend all his time away from the children and all of it with her. Choose your battles wisely.”

“If it’s a serious relationship then it shouldn’t be a problem. He should still have enough respect to talk with you first but most men don’t. Talk with him and see if you can meet her too. Maybe that will ease your mind. If it’s a random girl I would definitely have an issue with that.”

“Why would you feel he needs your permission?? Willing to bet you don’t get his permission for every person you introduce your kids to. Stop trying to control him and let him have a relationship with his kids.”

“If it bothers you, talk to him about it. Communication is important in co-parenting because it isn’t about you two anymore.”

“I would be mad… It’s a respect thing… Before I introduced my boyfriend to my daughter. I made him meet her father first and he did the same. We both are active in her life and want to know who is around our children. It’s not her being bitter… or maybe it is… the post doesn’t say much. I can only speak from my experience.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

64 Likes
2

If it bothers you, talk to him about it. Communication is important in co-parenting because it isn’t about you two anymore.

10 Likes
3

He doesn’t need your permission. Unless what he is doing is abuse… you have no control over his parenting when the kids are with him.

37 Likes
4

This is life from here on out for the rest of your lives as long as you have kids together. He’s going to be with someone else and so are you. If you want him to be civil when you meet someone then you need to do the same for him. As long as she is nice to your children that should be the important thing. I know it’s hard, but you have to be an adult about this. It’s what’s best for your children

39 Likes
5

He doesn’t have to ask you for permission, as long as your child is taken care of then what he does in his home with his time with the child is something you can’t control. That’s the shitty part about co parenting, you can talk to him about meeting her but that’s really it

6

They are his kids too. He doesn’t need your permission!

1 Like
7

He doesn’t need your permission

7 Likes
8

Just because you’re mom doesnt mean that dad needs your permission for things. He is equally a parent.
Would you be pissed if he insisted on you asking his permission? I imagine so.
You’re allowed to feel what you feel but short of punishing your children or involving the court (who might start seeing you like the boy who cried wolf) there’s not a lot of actions you can nor should take at the moment.

Unless you’re concerned about thier well being I would let it go.

12 Likes
9

Why did it bother u, did u want to meet her to??

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10

When I left hubs I didn’t ask permission to date an ass…unless abuse coparent is best all way around

11

Unfortunately you don’t have a say any more. When I split with me ex, he introduced 9 other lasses in the space of 8 months to my two boys. Then got the with current and got her instantly pregnant. But then it works when you get with someone as he won’t get a say. But I waited months and months before introducing my now fiance to my boys x

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12

He doesnt need your permission. Hes the other parent and as long as the kids aren’t being harmed he can do whatever on his time with whoever.

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13

He doesn’t need permission. When kids are with him he is the parent making decisions with/for his kids. If you are upset about it, you can talk to him about it and express your concerns.

2 Likes
14

Ex means you can’t make he’s decisions n if he felt it was a good thing to do as a parent that’s his choice

3 Likes
15

He is their parent too he has the right to have his girlfriend or friends around his kids.

3 Likes
16

He dont need your permission the kids are his too!!!

6 Likes
17

He doesn’t need your permission. Get over it.

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18

Depends on the age of the kids for me . If they under 12 I’d want to meet the new gf first. My kids are in their mid teens and basically have more important things to do other than hang with the parent so as long as the new gf or bf isn’t on the pedo list or on the wrong side of the law the Ex should know better what to bring home to the kids

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19

He doesn’t need your permission, girlfriend. Sounds like you need to do some growing up though.

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20

I would be concerned for kids well begin with whoever no matter what…just tell him you want meet her after that you can realex if shes good with kids…if not then well you know what you gotta do…I’ve been in similar boat

2 Likes
21

If they havent been together long, it would bug me, but at the end of the day, they are his kids to and he makes the choices when they are in his home. And really he doesnt need permission to introduce him to his partner. You just have to trust his judgment.

2 Likes
22

U have every right to feel how u feel about it

But unfortunately theres not anything u can do but move on.

If you do visitation in court u can request no unmarried overnight guestd while he has them but thats about it

5 Likes
23

He is ur ex he doesn’t need ur permission. They r his kids too. Sounds like there’s more to it than just the kids. He’s moving on u should too. If they know it bothers u they r going to use that,and make u feel worse. U need to act like it doesn’t bother u, smile.

1 Like
24

He should of discussed it with you not ask for permission depends on how long he’s been with her too

25

He’s the parent too, he has just as much right with them as you do, as long as his gf treats them well why does it matter?

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26

He doesn’t need your permission. He has a separate life from yours.

8 Likes
27

Hes doesn’t need your permission

3 Likes
28

Yall saying he doesn’t need your permission, do you not realize the day and age we live in? Need to be together a certain amount to even know the person little alone bring em around kids. And no one wants someone who brings home every piece to meet the kids. Does a lot more damage than you think. If the mom did that I’m sure the dad would be mad.

6 Likes
29

He doesn’t need permission. You share those children.

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30

Why would he need permission? :thinking:

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31

If he has been with her a while then I would say it’s fine but if it’s just a new girlfriend I would be furious myself along as it’s a long serious relationship then just ignore it xx

32

I would say it depends on how long they’ve been in a relationship but after so many months it’s really up to him. I mean I’d be pissed if my baby daddy brought some fling he barely knew around my kids, because it’s a safety hazard, but I’d hold the same standards for myself.

33

Your not going to like me!
He doesn’t “need” your permission to do so, regardless of age. Hes your ex, witch means he doesn’t need your “OK” for this. What he does at his house as for alot of things is up to him. Commen curtis would have been nice. I’ll give you that. But that’s all. There his kids as much as they are yours. It works the same way at your house.

6 Likes
34

As a mother I can understand why you’re upset and would probably want to know. However, you don’t really have a right to be (at least legally looking at it). They’re his kids as well and they were under his care, it was his right to choose to do that.

3 Likes
35

I don’t feel like he needs your permission at all.

3 Likes
36

It depends on the co-parent relationship I guess but he doesn’t need your permission. A notice would have been considerate but that’s about it.

1 Like
37

His relationship is his business. He doesn’t need your permission for his gf to meet YALLS kids. They aren’t just YOUR kids. Mothers need to realize Fathers get a say too. The judge told me that what he does on his time isn’t my business and I think more people need to realize that. If they aren’t being harmed or in danger leave them alone.

50 Likes
38

I dont think it matters personally. You’re the ex you have no say of what goes on at his house. Sorry

5 Likes
39

I totally understand why your upset especially if you had talked about meeting the other person in their lives before they introduce them to your kids. I know personally if that happened to me I would react the same way because we have discussed this and agreed that no one should be brought into their lives with consulting one another. It is a safety issue, you don’t know who or what that person can or will do when your not around. Children are often too scared to speak up if they are being abused by that other person. I know for a fact that if it was me, I would want to know who that person is. I ask for the same respect that is given.

2 Likes
40

It’s none of your business

4 Likes
41

Unless it is directly addressed in a custody agreement, then neither of you needs permission from the other to introduce a partner to the children.

5 Likes
42

I believe y’all should talk about it before it happens but you can’t stop him. Y’all are not together and you can’t stop his life from moving forward. As long as your kids are safe and happy let it be. It’s not easy I’ve been there .

43

Why do women always make it seem like they have to have the say so for everything the ex does with the kids. No ! You are both equally parents to those children and just like you I’m sure he’s making the best decisions for his kids to keep them out harms way . There time with daddy is just as important as time with mom . shouldn’t matter who he’s introducing him to or taking them to the movies with . Now when it’s your time to step in is if you feel he is putting your child in a neglect or dangerous situation

1 Like
44

Sounds like bitterness to me :person_shrugging: you don’t control him, you are not his keeper. Let it go or yall are going to really struggle with having a healthy co-parenting relationship.

9 Likes
45

You don’t control his life and what he does. Stop it

4 Likes
46

My biggest takeaway from dealing with a HCBM and being a divorced BM is that I wish those who were high conflict would grasp the concept that their children may need to ask them for permission to do most things, but their co-parents do not. Co-parents may need to ask permission for big things (like exchange of parent time, etc.), but they do not have to be under the other co-parent’s thumb. This is a good example. If you are in a good relationship where you respect each other’s wishes regarding introducing other significant people, great! But, if you aren’t in that space together, then you have zero control over the other person’s choice and only have control over how you react to it. If it’s in your decree that the man must get your permission before he introduces a girlfriend, then you can file an order to show cause on why he didn’t. But if it’s not, best to get over it and move on since what’s done is done.

3 Likes
47

He doesn’t need permission.

Should he have the courtesy to say “hey, I’m comfortable enough in my new relationship that I’m ready for the kids to meet her” absolutely. But he doesn’t need to ask you first.

7 Likes
48

They’re his kids too, he’s an adult and can make that choice. Could he have consulted you beforehand and even have had you meet her to get a feel of her, sure, is he obligated to… not necessarily.

4 Likes
49

Stay mad. He didn’t do anything wrong.

4 Likes
50

He doesn’t need permission unless it’s in the custody papers. They’re equally his kids too and there’s no reason why he can’t let his kids meet the person he’s with now

6 Likes
51

He’s your ex for a reason, he doesn’t need your permission.

5 Likes
52

If you never discussed an agreement its none of your business. My ex and I agreed no one would meet the kids unless you’re gonna marry the person. He’s a friend’s with benefits type of guy and I’m practically celibate lol. My babies aren’t gonna be around a temporary and he agrees.

2 Likes
53

I don’t see this an an issue. You’re no longer together. Butttt I mean… if he’s constantly around different women, then I would suggest speaking to him about it. Because depending on age, it really can confuse the child. And if they become attached to this woman… and a month from now he’s seeing someone else… it’s going to eventually raise questions.

If she treats your child like you would- let it be.

54

It honestly depends on alot of stuff, who has what custody, how long they have been together, what kind of person she is, and if the kids is safe.I always asked my daughter’s dad to wait 6 months, and it be serious, beacuse I don’t want to drag people in and out of her life. There where a few girls I was worried about and asked him not to introduce to her, with good reason. I would talk to him for future reference, and what you both feel like is ok for you’re parenting times(sleep overs, babysitting, and maybe warning you before next time, ect) and see if you guys can come to an agreement you are both comfortable with. It’s always best if you can be on the same page, but unfortunately it doesn’t always work out that way. But you also need to learn to be comfortable with the thought of you both moving on.At the end of the day, the kid needs to be put first. if she is a good person and nice to you’re kids, it should be good. I am grateful for my daughter’s dad’s girlfriend, she shows a genuine interest in my daughter, has always put effort into a relationship with my daughter, and my is 1 more person to love her.

55

My ex moved in with his gf and didnt tell me , my baby was staying witb her on the weekends with him. I like her now but then i was so mad at him for lying

56

Honestly I know it sucks but there’s nothing you can do about it. Do you want him to be able to run your life, you don’t get to run his :person_shrugging:

4 Likes
57

He is your ex and it’s none of your business anymore what he does.

4 Likes
58

You don’t own him, he doesn’t need your permission. Plus with high conflict, controlling people, are you even likely to give it? Focus on yourself and your time with the kid(s).

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59

You need to stop,that is controlling and you could spend your time elsewhere doing better things.Are you over your ex? If there are absolutely good reasons for alarm bells to go off then I’d understand.This woman will be in your child’s life with their father so maybe think positive so you can communicate and have a close relationship with her.At least that way you wouldn’t seem “too much” and you will be able to be there alongside her.Your child doesn’t have a choice so do the best thing and think of how you can make it a positive thing.

3 Likes
60

There is better things to worry about then your bd living his own life

3 Likes
61

“Or w.e.” yea someone’s a little bitter, hes the parent too and doesn’t need permission, running it by you to say hey this is what im doing would have been nice but certainly not to ask you…move on already

4 Likes
62

Depends on the situation, if they have been together for a while and are serious then I see that personally as okay. But if they just started seeing each other recently then I’d be concerned. Like if they wait too long and plan to have more kids, don’t meet them right away but start trying then the kids might feel replaced.

Growing up my father had all sorts of random women around like a revolving door and I wish my mother had a say in that. I was 12 and my sister was 7. Such a great roll model. :+1:t3: One visit we met some random from the bar, next visit she was basically moved in, the next she would be gone. Went on for a couple years. Then we met the girlfriend he had been seeing for a long time that we didn’t know about. And she was pregnant. I lost it and now we don’t have a good relationship at all.

Hoping your ex won’t be too selfish and inconsiderate.

4 Likes
63

You have way more important things to worry about. You should go meet her too. Obviously the father of your kids is someone you trust as your kids are with him. Kids are amazing and should have love from all who want to love them. Step parents are amazing for loving and caring for children who aren’t biologically theirs. Not saying she’s there yet and going to take that position but maybe :woman_shrugging:t4:

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64

What he does on his time is not your business. Unless he is putting your child in danger.

8 Likes
65

Doesn’t need permission. Just think if you have someone new, do you wait for his permission…

2 Likes
66

Why would you feel he needs your permission?? Willing to bet you don’t get his permission for every person you introduce your kids to. Stop trying to control him and let him have a relationship with his kids

9 Likes
67

I was introduced to every girlfriend my dad. Formed relationships with some, even more so with their kids. Then we’d just stop going over. It has in impact on me as an adult. Hard to form relationships. Unable to get close to anyone because I don’t want the pain I felt back then when my friends disappeared. With that said I feel it’s a bad move to introduce your kids to every girl or boy friend. However you can’t control your ex. I’d go to court & get “first right of refusal” added to your parenting agreement. That way he can’t turn his gf into a babysitter.

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68

Oof. Being this controlling and bitter, is not a good look. You are the ex. Unless he is straight up ABUSING your children, you do not get a say in how he spends his time with them, and who they meet while they are with him. He absolutely does NOT need your permission. Get over yourself.

8 Likes
69

Same happened to me, they had only been seeing each other a couple weeks and he had them calling her mom :woman_shrugging:t3:, he is the one that has to answer for his stupid decision when they are older. He never respected me so why would I expect him to now?

2 Likes
70

When my baby daddy came to meet his son for the first time at a month old he brought his new gf. That’s disrespectful because he came to me 900 miles away. But what he does at his house is his business and none of mine!

4 Likes
71

If he is your ex, you no longer have a say in that. Sorry, but true.

5 Likes
72

He definitely doesn’t need your permission. You’re living separate lives now.

6 Likes
73

None of your business

4 Likes
74

He’s grown. Just like you don’t need his permission to introduce them to your new man when you get over him.

6 Likes
75

My boyfriend and I both have kids from other relationships. We finally made a decision to meet each others kids. So I say its not a bad thing. We are in a relationship with each other not the former spouses. We just know our roles and respect each other. I see nothing wrong with it.

1 Like
76

Yeah yall broke up, he doesn’t have to ask your permission.

2 Likes
77

Not your business. You lead your life, he leads his. If you don’t trust your ex than don’t send your kids or get a court order stating why you don’t but if you trust your ex with his children then you have to trust he knows what he’s doing. Divorce works best if you can separate your cares vs your kids. This women may one day be their step mother and bring so much to their little lives and you should be thankful for that when that time comes. You’ll always be their mom please don’t make them feel like they did something wrong, they get senses about how you feel and they will mimic it, you need to reserve your opinions when it comes to your ex and whom he chooses to introduce them too.

78

Get over it he doesn’t need your permission they are his kids too, grow up. Simple as that.

2 Likes
79

:joy: wow you must not be over him. He doesn’t need your permission.

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80

His kids to . should you have to tell him when you want to have y’alls kids meet some one you want to be with

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81

Depends on a few things…the age of the children, how long he has been with the new woman…probably best to meet her yourself so you can gage how she is x I think id be pissed if he hadn’t been with her long.

People saying you don’t have a say are wrong…they are your children of course you are going to worry and of course you have a say. I think some women on here need to realise that not all mothers separated from the child’s father are bitter and do have genuine concerns.

2 Likes
82

Some of y’all are truly mean, assholes. She’s asking a question and y’all are assassinating her character calling her bitter and controlling. First off, it’s a question… she can’t be that bitter and controlling. Second, she’s VALID in how she feels but before she goes off the deep end she’s asking for advice. Third. No, she has no control in this situation; however she’s concerned who’s around her kids which every decent mom is. The way some of you treat people on here… I’m worried about y’all kids and what kind of humans y’all raising. Smh

83

My ex introduced his gf now fiancé to my son without speaking to me first this was 5 years ago and I only found out after months when my son said she was mean to him and hit him. Needless to say I went off the hook. I was totally pissed off and felt disrespected as a mother. Communication is key to co parent. We still can’t agree on anything almost 9 years down the line.

84

He doesnt need your permission however a heads up would of being respectful, he is his own person and if he feels its right for him and your child you have to trust his decision even if you wouldn’t make the same one. Just remember when you have a relationship or if you have one did or will you run everything through him? Not one rule for one and not the other…

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85

He’s your ex… they’re also his kids… stop acting like both of your lives cannot move on… communicating works but being petty just makes your kids lives more miserable. They’re trying to cope with ways to understand sometimes two homes are better than one.

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86

Get over it :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_facepalming:t2: unless they are a felon my ex is dating a child in my eyes cause she way younger and acts like a teenager she maybe 22

87

Youre over reacting. He doesnt need your permission. Im sure you dont ask his permission to introduce your children to new ppl.

88

Not your business or your place. His relationship, his call. Butt out.

2 Likes
89

A mature father would have an upfront conversation with the mother of his child.
And vise versa.
It’s about respect when you’re coparenting.

There are way too many fucking weirdos out there. Women literally kill their step children… as do men.
I’d be pissed if I wasn’t informed.

90

Isn’t he their parent as well? Why can’t he decide the time frame too meet his new girlfriend? I see no problem.

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91

Wow you’re immature. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

92

None of your business. You just seem a little bitter.

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93

They are his kids too. Unless he is putting them in danger, what he does on his time isn’t your business.

94

Get over it! They’re his kids too! I’m sure you wouldn’t ask for “permission” either. Be adults for the sake of the kids.

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95

The people say that isn’t her business is the reason why kids die , trusting random around your kids why they get abused. And rape. It is her business if anything happens to her kids she has the right to kill her ex and that woman.

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96

He doesn’t need your permission. You don’t unilaterally make decisions for the kids, you are both the parents.

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97

He is a grown man and you guys aren’t together, he doesn’t have to ask you permission like a child.

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98

Ill get back lash for this but I’d be pissed to how long they been together if not to long then no need to meet yet I would not want people in and out of my childrens life’s but that’s me I would rather protect my children from getting close to someone then bam new person to get used to if they have been together for awhile I would not care

3 Likes
99

His life he can do what he wants! As you can as well!

2 Likes
100

:100: needs your permission that’s not his decision it’s yours and his

1 Like