You just have to stay strong. Remember why you guys broke up. Hopefully he’s being truthful about the job and after a little bit of saving up he’ll be on his own. If he does try and get comfy I would talk to him though, you need to make sure to set your foot down. It’s already way more then enough that you continue to pay the car and phone bill for him.
Just from reading this it is easy to see that you ethane always enabled his bad behavior and you continue to do so. He might actually act like a man if you require it. Kick him out, divorce and file on him. He will pay up or go to jail.
How women put up with that and continue to have children for them I will never know.
Find yourself worth and do better! For you and your kids!
Good luck
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is living with us, I'm scared we will get back together, help!
Nooooo. You see all the red flags. Yes, your kids need to see mom and dad thriving. But being in a toxic romantic relationship will hurt more than it will help. Their dad or not. You need to set the example for their future relationship with their future partners. If they see mom doing it, they’ll think it’s what’s supposed to happen. Staying strong for them means setting boundaries of what is and what’s not appropriate. You got this mama!
Get rid of him… Don’t be stupid
You shouldn’t have to pay things for him just to have him help with HIS kids. You need to be strong and not let it happen again.
Don’t share a bed or bedroom. Give him a deadline to have a job and move out. You are only a doormat as long as you allow.
Why would you fall back into relationship if he hasn’t changed anything? The same reasons you ended it are right in front of you. If anything, it should be a confirmation that you made the right choice.
Sorry but he doesn’t need to live with you to help with the kids. He needs to get a job and a place close by then he can help with the kids. Im sure you can handle the kids alone while he gets back on his feet. Single moms do it every day including myself
Been there done that. Waiting on him to move out all over again. Ita terrible and you will feel so much contempt if you allow him to stay. Sometimes it’s best to stick up for yourself
You want it to happen or you wouldn’t let him move back in. Stop playing with yourself and him
you’re making everything so easy for him, including not being present or responsible for his own kids. he’s gotten comfortable in his doing the least.
He needs to be on his own. Bringing him back into your house is a nono because you obviously still have feelings for him. You know he isn’t good for you so bringing him in won’t help. He can get his own place and pay his own bills and still help with the kids.
Ex’s are ex’s for a reason…remember and stay strong!
I’m sorry but he is a grown man. he can go he don’t need to live there to help you with the kids. 
Dont put out, because that will seal the deal… or is it to late?
Set the boundaries and let him know- honestly I would tell him to sleep in the car for all I care. You can come inside in the morning to shower and that’s it. Your lucky it’s not a box
Why is he living with you? That’s the problem! Grow a back bone and make him leave, he can still be a good dad, at his own home! Duh 
Sometimes we just like to see how red the flags can get 
Keep reminding yourself why you told him to get out in the first place.
He’s not a man. He’s a little boy in a man’s body. Get him out of your house! Take your car back. The more you need him the more he’ll take advantage of you. You can handle your kids without him.
Remember that you were never happy. If it works out and he’s a man of his word, I wish you all the best.
Don’t fall into that trap
Cake and eat it tooooooo
You better watch out or you’re going to end up pregnant again
remember how everyday it was waking up. also bad idea if you already think something might come out of this 
family is far but he should go there you can travel with the kids or video chat whatever you have to do for the time he starts up his job.
Girl no, find a sitter or put them in daycare. Why are you still taking cre of him. Give a car back and take his phone away, then you’ll have extra cash for daycare.
A couple summers ago, my ex husbands current girlfriend kicked him out and he had no where to go… we have 2 kids together and I was single at that time. I let him stay with me temporarily, I made it clear to him that this is only a bridge until you secure another place or she lets you back in. I saw it as an opportunity for him to spend time w his kids plus, he couldnt take them on his designated days if he is homeless. 
I have absolutely no feelings for him. He slept on the couch, i slept in my room with my door locked lol. He only stayed for about 5 days. I wouldnt of never agreed to let him actually live w me, however… I was willing to be a temporary bridge to avoid having my childrens father sleeping on the streets.
I would sit down and talk to him, does he have friends he can stay with? Give him a timeline to get his sh*t together, he already claims to have a job so it shouldnt be long before he’s bringing in checks. If you dont feel like he is being adamant enough about being independent, help him out by sending him information on 1bedroom apt, studio’s or renting a room, once that first paycheck comes in. You will see how much he respects you once his money begins to come in, if he isnt saving and just blowing his paychecks, dont make it your problem anymore, give him a Months notice. This isnt a good situation, its going to confuse your children, so make it clear to them that daddy is only staying here temporarily until he gets his new house.
Even if you develop feelings for him and change your mind, its not a good idea to jump and have him living with you right away, that decision could cause major damage to the children. Either way, he needs to get his own place and you should make that clear to him.
Don’t settle just because you need “happiness” too. Your kids are watching you.
If you really do need the help with the kids and that’s the only reason he is there then you need to set ground rules.
- He sleeps in a spare bedroom or on the couch.
- You have a list of chores and he needs to complete them daily or he needs to leave.
- We are not getting back together. Period. So don’t get confused.
- This is my house not “our” house.
Be honesty with him. Tell him flat out “This TEMPORARY arrangement is STRICTLY for our children.” Let him know that under no uncertain terms will you two be together again.
Sounds like he is an opportunist, free loader and you don’t need a grown man leeching off you.
If you don’t want to get back with him, don’t. It’s that easy.
Set up some rules and boundaries.
Girl u a smart one aren’t u (sarcasm) why tf would u let a bum ass dude move back into your home knowing how he really is? Like cmon now don’t be naive nor stupid please u know he Just using your butt for a place to crash 
he knew you would do it too cause y’all got kids together. I bet y’all sleeping together too … girl u so naive
Wait are you me posting this? Literally the page out of my book. Me and my husband are separated but he has been living with me because he has no where else to go and my daughter is super attached to him. He did the same things your guy did some worse than others. Like some days I feel like I want to give him a second chance and then he does something to show me exactly why we are split but because I can be to kind hearted I still continue to feel bad and let him stay(he sleeps on the couch).
His ways haven’t changed, he is still lying. He can go live with those other relatives of his and you can find a babysitter.
Get rid of him, never settle your kids are watching you.
Don’t have him at your house then lmao
Make sure you sleep and sit in different rooms or on another couch.Go out do things that you want to do let him see your truly moving on.He can watch his own kids while you go out and take time for you.My experience is if you don’t act like you’ve moved on and you continue the same stuff as if you are together he won’t get it.Just saying don’t work you gotta show him plus it will help you as well
I guess I’d say what makes you feel your going to end up back together. Then explore inside yourself if it is for good reason. Is he changing? Has he shown improvement? Is he making progress?
My now husband and I split up after dating a year. I moved out. A few months later he got hurt and needed help. He came to stay with me as a friend. We did end up back together and things were different. We have been together 15 almost 16 years and married now for almost 12.
My point is if you are thinking it might happen ask yourself why? If it’s for reasons I said then maybe be open to it. If it is for the kids for the convenience or for sex don’t. Draw lines and boundaries and stay firm in them. Good luck.
Put your children first stop being a selfish cunt you can be happy when they’re grown but for now they should be your focus fuck your feelings I said what I said eat shit
This is definitely his tactic to get back together. This happened to me. I signed my one car over to him when we split. He didn’t have a job either. I spent 3 years holding our family together and I finally had enough. I gave him one week then he had to go. At some point you will realize that yourself and your children are who you are responsible for. No one else. He needs to be a man and father and grow up, just because he chose not to be an adult the last couple years in not your fault. Stop enabling.
Don’t have him staying at your house for one…
Ugh that’s a hard one, just try not sleeping with him and avoid anything sexual.
Tuff one. Stand your ground. You’re on the road to recovery.
Ain’t no dick that good, girl. Grow you a pair.
How many kids did you say you had? Was it 2 and an extra one? Get him gone. While ever he’s staying with you, he’s being given false hope of getting back together. Did his mum do everything for him? X
He sounds like your 3rd kid!
Have him bunk with the kids
Is the pp that good?
If you are firm on not getting back together and you are fearing that you will fall back into old routines he needs to go. Not only is it confusing for you but think of how confusing it is for the kids. I went through a similar situation and the last thing you both want is to drag something along longer then it needs to. The ball is in your court.
I did go back many years ago! Don’t do it trust me same person same man. For me same pain horrible
No reason he can’t live with his family. He’s a grown man. Act like one. His problems are not yours.
you’re confusing the hell out of them by kicking their daddy out then letting him come back temporarily. either kick him out or let him stay. jumping back and forth is gunna hurt them in the end.
Don’t have him at your house? You’re kinda creating your own problens here lady…
Don’t do it again trust , sounds like a narricist it will never be right.In fact run , find help with kids I had 4 I’m 65 now and I did it , wasn’t easy. However better to come from a broken home than to live in one .If you except him how he is that’s what kids may follow ur example . You don’t want that
just remember a leapard doesnt change its spots
Honestly… I think you know what to do. If it’s backup you’re looking for…here it is…get rid of the bum.
I don’t understand how someone could be a great dad but a terrible partner. Like not holding down a job, lying, doesn’t help around the house and wakes up with a crappy attitude every day and you’re paying for his car and phone! That’s not the definition of a great dad in my opinion and sounds like he just needs to go for good because he is not modeling anything great for your kids and it’s probably confusing the hell out of them.
He can go find a job near his relatives. Why is he applying for them near you? Why is his not being able to afford fuel money, your problem? Surely he can get some sort of temporary financial assistance from the government. He’s a lying opportunistic leech. If you don’t tell him to leave your house now, it’ll just be harder to do so.
Give him has money til his job comes thru​:person_tipping_hand:t4:
but really not your problem…he gots to go
Kick him out! He’s not your problem anymore! Why you still carrying him on your back if y’all ain’t together? 
he’s someone else’s problem. That’s why you ain’t with him 
If you dont want to get back together with him, there’s no reason to have him stay at your house. He is a grown ass adult, he can take care of himself!
Get him out immediately. Your opening a whole new can of worms
He’s only a great dad cause you let him be with your money. Let’s see how great he is when he has a job and shows the kids what a true partner looks like with his money. True colors will always show when the shoe is on the other foot.
Listen honey you do not owe him a single thing. If he can’t afford a place to stay, or to look after the kids then I’m afraid that that’s not ur problem. Stop paying for a man thats expecting you to he needs to grow up. Take ur car if he wants it he can get a job and grow up and get his own or set up a court ordered payment plan. Stop allowing this grown up selfish man child using you as a door matt/cash cow. Kick him out call the cops if he doesn’t leave. Stop allowing it to happen. If he wants to contact his kids he will get himself a phone stop paying for him PERIOD.
First of all, don’t worry about what it’s gonna do between you two and worry about what you’re doing to YOUR KIDS.
Kick him out, let him back, confuse the hell out of them?
Great example …
My thought, from my own experience and I know everyone is different…you still care, that’s why he’s still there, and yeah if you keep him around you’re gonna take him back. You’re only asking because you’re already considering it!!
If you really want to be happy and not with him…kick him out, no excuses, no take backs, nothing. Let the grown man find his own way.
Whatever you do, understand your kids are watching, learning how to treat people and what to accept from others…
Kick his butt out. Some example for your kids
Jus let him stay w u for awhile… atleast for ur kids… stay in seperate rooms… or him on the couch… I would if I were in that position… esp if it’s for my kids…
All of that sounds a lot like not your problem. Tell him to get out and maybe life will force him to grow up. You are just enabling him to be a bum.
Your enabling him. Put him out. You and the kids will be fine until he gets on his feet
Doesn’t he have any friends nearby where he can couch surf? Do y’all have friends who would at least shelter him for two weeks? Can’t he go to a shelter if he has no place else to go? Or how about picking up gas money for a month so he can live with his relatives?
Talk to a counselor, women’s center, friends, and—good for you—people on this forum to bolster your resolve. Read books and articles to confirm your decision to end things.
Talk to a lawyer. Have your questions ready in case you’re paying by the 15-minute increments. Don’t chit-chat no matter how friendly they are. Find out the best ways to extricate yourself from all the things you’ve paying for him. Once he has to support himself he may have to learn to be more responsible. Suggest he get counseling to help him deal with the problems a job entails so he can have a steady income & better work history, but he is not your problem to fix.
Would you want your children to become charming deadbeats? No? Show them that behavior is not acceptable.
Why the fuck did you let the man back in the house?
You’re enabling him.
Get him back out of your house
I just need to know how he’s a great dad lmao he won’t work to support them, won’t clean up after them, won’t cook or take care of them? Sis that’s not a “great dad” that’s a the kids have a “great buddy”. His ass is having a sleep over, not parenting.
Remember how you felt while you were with him. You are already aware of the emotions he put you through while you were together. Why put yourself through that again?
It’s not happiness you’re looking for it’s a little side action so take it tell him he’s not staying and that’s it
He z a man he will figure out something…let him go
Did you ever hear about baby sitters or daycares…?
Jesus. Why did you even post? I mean, youre worried youll get back together? LOL omg…like you have NO control ov er your own pussy. GTFO
Kick him out!! Period.
Run his sorry ass off now he’s definitely a free loader
Don’t talk to him or do anything with him that isn’t in direct benefit of the children. Don’t spend ANY alone time together. The kids are you only connection, and no manipulating the situation in your head to make it benefit the kids. Either it does or it doesn’t. That’s how you keep from either of you getting reattached. Absolutely no bonding time whatsoever.
Easy. Get him out your house and don’t get back together with him.
Nooo let him find his own way
Ummm… just don’t It’s that simple.
I was reading this out loud to my husband. As soon as I got to the part “we got back into a routine and I’m scared we will just end up getting back together” my husband interrupted me and said that was his plan.
I just want to say I’m so sorry you are going through this and I’m proud of you forever doing what a good parent does, they just make it happen for their kids. You know what to do, you just don’t want to do it for the inconvenience of losing a babysitter. You do what you can and try to figure things out with childcare. It’s not easy when he just doesn’t leave, not just pulling at your heart strings and using childcare as an excuse. It’s sad that as the father it’s considered him helping. It’s his kids too and just that sentence alone tells you he needs to go. You already doing it alone. He’ll slip back into old ways. DO NOT GET PREGNANT AGAIN. That will be his next plan.
Start dating different people
It will get to a point where you just can’t any more, it will be that toxic that it’s either out or well the end could be allot like mine and ruin any chance of happy shared
Dumb him my ex we have 2 kids together I have my own place he wants to take my kids to a domestic violence shelter and tell the courts I abuse them do he can get money off them iys disgusting. He is homless
First off sell one of the cars. Let him get his own. Don’t let him ruin your credit. He is never gonna do anything as long as u allow him to do nothing and let him go live with a relative.
When I was reading this, I completely have been there. Word of advise. Get him out of the house as soon as you can. Do not let him have or “pay” for anything that is in your name… not the car, credit card, bank card, or unpaid property. Everything was in my name too… he did everything he could to make me pay for leaving him. Went bankrupt… because I was too nice. All is great now, perfect credit etc. but I regret not standing my ground and just legally getting him out of my house…
Be firm on your boundaries.
Don’t have sex with him… set boundaries…. And make it very clear that living with you is temporary and his ass needs to show you proof of seeking employment. You said he’s a known liar… sounds like a vampire that will suck you dry. I get that you need help with your kids. But he is the father. You owe him nothing other then co-parenting.
Kick him out.
If you were worried, he wouldn’t be there.
Please Sleep with one eye open. This is the perfect mix for what be on the news. Sadly murder suicide is so real and u and your babies will be in my prayers. It’s just exact ingredients for that type of outcome. U need to move on and now u just opened that door for him to come waltzing right back in. People do it alone all the time and no it’s not easy nobody said it was.
Why are you making his problem now your problem. You have enough on your plate. Pack up his things and tell him it’s time to go. You know it is the right thing to do