What part about him is the good guy?
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Oh God. Get him out of there
Just say no. He wants you to be his motber and do everything for him!
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find a babysitter. a free loader will stay one as long as they have a place to be a freeloader. give him the boot. make sure heās on the couch. no sex, no money, write him a list to do everyday. I cant stand todays males. men work, take care of their families. in todays world it takes two working to have a decent life.
This sure isnāt happiness sounds like a loser and you will support him. Let him go and move on
Be strong he is using you
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Having a healthy functioning helpful relationship isnāt a sign your going to slip up and get back with himā¦ its a good thing it will make coparenting down the road easierā¦ just keep telling yourself that some people are better friends then partners. And you can absolutely have love and respect for an ex and not want to be with them because when your together those titles put strains on people and change then and all of that is ok but it needs to be recognized. Youāve spent a lifetime with this man he probably knows you better then anyone and visa versa and heās the father of your children your bonded with him forever feel blessed that itās going smoothly and your not at each otherās throat
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Tell him to hit the road. Sounds like youād be better of without him.
Why did u let him in the house in the 1st place?..that is his problemā:expressionless:
. He is an adult that can find his own place. Tell him to find another place to stay.
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Make him leave? 
pretty simple.
Donāt trick your mind into believing that. You said yourself he was not a good partner why put yourself back through that. Co-parent like you doing. And donāt let him get to comfortable to where he think he moved back in and can sit on his ass cause you taking care of everything
Is he a good role
Model to your kids? Even if he is the father itās showing your kids to be lazy and irresponsible period. And you are ok with it
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is living with us, I'm scared we will get back together, help!
That is a hard one. You are just going to have to stop enabling him at this point. Stop paying the insurance, phone, etc and use that money to hire help for the kids. As long as he is comfortable, he will not do the things to help himself. Good luck mama!
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You just have to make him figure it out. If he canāt drive, he needs to get a hotel room. Youāre kind of enabling the behavior
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You set a good example and move that man out. At this point your teaching your kids to support a bum- not to have a healthy relationship, romantic or not.
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Fish, friends and family go bad in 3 days he can stay for 3 leave for 3 or pay a sitter, itās less convenient but will solve the problem
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If heās not working or helping around the house tell him to hit the road
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Stick to your boundaries girl! You know what you want & donāt want so make sure youāre letting that be known! And donāt feel guilty! You deserve just as much happiness as him & your kids! Best of luck to you!
Remind him this is a temporary situation, that you appreciate the help but if his job doesnāt come through in the next week he is going to have to go to his parents. Stay strong and remember what you said his faults are.
Unfortunately youāre going to have to stop helping him. 100% hes grown w children. He needs to grow up. Nowās a good time to start! Maybe when he realizes you aināt supporting him anymore. He gets off his ass and does something. Or he sinks. And in that case, youāve done all you can baby girl!
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Kick his bum ass out now!! Thatās how they do ā¦. Looking for the easy way to be taken care of. Once you find yourself with him as another child you canāt blame anyone but yourself. You will figure it out alone ā¦.how to make it happen without him. Unless you force him out and he has to make a way on his own he wonāt do it.
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Sounds like you he doesnāt need to be living with you. Youāre enabling him.
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At least one person on every postā¦. ā runā. Lol
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It seems like you are the reason he is still there. He does what heās allowed to do. Nothing has changed but your marital status.
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Sounds like you have a teenager, let him go and learn his lessons, he is shielded from growing up with you around.
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Just remember all the crap he put you threw donāt believe a work he says watch his actions !!! If he isnāt doing what he says heās going to do or their isnāt an proof just assume heās still lying to you
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Maybe God positioned him thereā¦i mean what are the odds God says we are suppose to be wives to the father of our children. We are suppose to love as the children do and be as forgiving as our father. Maybe he canāt hold a job because of depression etc.Help him be a good role model n be patient pray stay away from immature friends and find peaceā¦trust God pray he can take the fear away or what you donāt need.
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Put a firm exit date in writing and stick to itā¦Do not carry this person after posted dateā¦Be strong ladyā¦
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Kick him out. Continuing to enable his behavior, he will never change.
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You may need help with your little ones but not from him if he is just going to eat your food and stay at your house for free while using the car and phone you paid/ pay for. You have a basically been doing it alone from the sound of it anyways. Change the locks and tell him itās time to go. Look into state help for day care etc. Good luck honey.
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He can live with his relative. An hour isnāt that far. Boundaries.
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Give him $30 for gas and send him to the relative!
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WHATāS NEW??Sounds like the same routine in a different era!! GROW UP!! GOOD LUCK!!
Set boundaries and make him leave. He will find gas money if you stop to enabling him.
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Stop enabling him, especially if he hasnāt tried to get a job, words mean nothing, anyone can say they have one but papers are processingā¦ You keep babying him like he is your child. Heās a grown ass man. You are using the kids as an excuse. Iām sure you can find other options for childcare that wouldnāt cost as much as paying his bills and taking care of him
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As hard as it is,if he canāt afford the gas then he canāt come until he gets his life together. Youāve come too far to let him back in. Hire someone to help with kids. Stay strong 
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You are enabling him, sorry thatās harsh but true. He is an adult. Not a child. Not your responsibility to make sure he has roof over his head. Bye bye buddy & good luck.
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To be honest you need to stop carrying himā¦ if he wants to see the kids he will find awayā¦ not too many like there jobs we do it because weāve responsibilities .
As long as you do all fir him he will never learn xx I hope you stay strong and use your boot 
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Donāt let him stay. Thatās only going to confuse the kids. You already know how itās going to turn out. It should be his responsibility to make payments on the car and for him to fill up the gas tank. Heās a grown adult. The āHRā story doesnāt sound right. You already said that he lies about things, even small things. Donāt buy into it! Youāre better off without him. He is taking advantage of you.
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Yeah by you letting him back in you just set yourself up to be put back in that position. You are not responsible for a grown man. Donāt let yourself be obligated by guilt just because you have kids together.
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Insanity Definition is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. You know what to doā¦ you already did it and now you are undoing it. Stop the cycle. Stay strong. Send him packingā¦ being there is not good and hurting the kids because they are probably hoping he will stayā¦ you will be the bad guy again.
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Sis. Create a wall. Establish BOUNDARIES
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He doesnāt have a job and he is not waiting for paperwork to go through .
Wake up ! He is still using you . Sorry . Kick his butt out .
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You are not responsible for him and his life choices. He is a grown man he can fend for himself, swim or sink. Heās really not one of your children and since you treat him as such he acts like a child. If you do not want to get back with him then get him out now not later. You are giving him and your children mixed messages it is not health for any of you. How is he to start over when you just keep letting him come back in. He does not respect you or your feelings. It time for him to go where it doesnāt matter he will figure it out it not your problem or job. Be good to yourself and children cut the relationship string it is over.
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You need to take off the blinders and realize he is using you. As long as he is getting a free ride why would he become a responsible adult? It sounds like you are raising him also. You are going to have to rip the bandaids off. Stop pay for him a phone and car use that to hire a sitter and FORCE him to become responsible. If after that he still doesnāt then you know what his first priority is. You have given him a comfortable routine that works for him. If you want to be happy put you and your kids first. Is how their dadās acting what you want your kids to have as a life example? Prayers for the right decision and a blessing for you and the kids.
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Go back and read your post its there in black and white why you left him to begin with
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It isnāt your job to be his mother. He will find a way! An hr isnāt that far. Make him leave and figure it out for himself.
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Sorry but you brought this drama on yourself so quit asking for peopleās advice
PRAYERS and wake up!
So what are you scared of? You made a decisionā¦ Now stand by it. Stop enabling him.
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Staying for the kids only hurts them more
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A man that donāt work donāt eat. Youāre feeding a rat. Wake the fuck up dummy.
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Be strong and donāt do it.
You are basically inviting him back in by letting him live with you. If you want to be strong, make him figure it out on his own. When he gets a job you will have to pay for child care so why not start now. You need to cut him all the way off from your money and time. How are you going to heal and move on if heās in the house? Heās just going to hold you back and keep you in that same situation you are trying to break free from.
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Dig deep inside of yourself and find out why you think you donāt deserve better.
Why do you think youāre not worthy of a partner who is a true partner in every sense of the word?
Why do you think you not worthy of a man who will contribute to putting food on the table?
But you invited him back in and made the decision to do it this wayā¦.idk what advice you want from strangers when your doing what you want anyway lol
Thereās some really good advice here and thenā¦ā¦thereās you cold ass b$&tches with the nasty comments. Hope some of you donāt ever find yourselves in a situation and need advice or supportā¦.guaranteed, karma will come for that ass and there will be someone just like you to kick you when youāre down. Shameful!
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You are not his social worker! Let him go far from you and your children.
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Donāt feel guilty about kicking him out,heās a grown man,he should be able to fend for himself.hes obviously not the role model your kids need anyway,just be honest with them
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For couples so eager to call it quits 
and throw in the towel on your relationships because everything isnāt āperfectā 
. Lifelong commitment isnāt what most people think it is 
. Itās not waking up every morning to eat breakfast together 
ā¦Itās not cuddling in bed until you both fall asleep, peacefully at night 
. Itās not a clean home filled with laughter and love making everyday 
. It is someone who steals all the covers (and snores) 
. Itās slammed doors 
And a few harsh words 
at times. Itās stubbornly disagreeing 
and giving one another the silent treatment 
until your hearts heal . Itās about coming home, everyday, to the same person 
who you know truly loves you 
. Itās about dirty laundry, and unmade beds, without pointing fingers 
Itās about helping each other through the hard works of life 
. Itās about making the easiest meal you can make, and sitting down together at a late hour 
to eat, because you both had a crazy day 
. Itās when you have an emotional breakdown 
, and your love lays next to you, saying it will be OK 
Itās about loving someone, even if sometimes they drive you insane 
. Loving someone isnāt easy 
, sometimes it is extremely hard 
, but it is amazing and comforting, one of the best things which you can ever experience
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This boy will not become an actual man unless you let him figure it out and support himself. If you keep trying to take care of him, he will continue to use you. And let me tell you, it does something to a kidās psyche to watch their parent taking care of a leech and seeing their mother getting fully taken advantage of. I was that kid. If you want to see your kids lose respect for you, continue to allow this type of behavior to continue. Good rule of thumb: if you wouldnāt want your kids doing it, you probably shouldnāt be doing it either.
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Tell him to leave yesterday!
Read your post every day to remind yourself why it didnāt work out. And use that to stay focused on that happiness youāre chasing. Per your own words he is not a good partner, so why go down that rabbit hole again? You should be amicable for the sake of your children,but that doesnāt mean you need to run back to him romantically. Think with your head not with your heart.
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You should tell him to leave if you want to keep your sanity, freedom, and not stay stuck in toxic patterns. You will figure out how to juggle everything and take care of the kids by yourself. Itās scary and a process but get him gone and do it. He doesnāt sound like a good role model for your children anyway and sometimes a parent being absent is a blessing bec it keeps them and their bad habits and ways away from the children and out of influencing them. Tell him to go. You got this!
I was a sahm, didnāt have a job for years, have 4 kids and got my ex husband out and I made it and by the grace of God I will continue to make it. You can do this on your own. You will get your own routine with the kids. Remember, where there is a will there is a way and freedom is right around the corner. Get him out and there will be a peace you never knew before.
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So hes still exactly the same person he was when you āendedā it
So nothingās changed, hes still getting a free ride and you my friend look like a chump
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It sets a horrible example of a partner relationship which they will most likely subconsciously seek to duplicate. Also is that the example of a man you want them seeing every day?
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Just a reminder! Once bitten, Twice shy!
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You got his gas money ready? Heās going to hit you up soon. Heās got to get to his new job!
This is a never ending cycleā¦ no matter how much you believe youāre yelping, youāre enabling him.
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Stay strong hold your ground and when u feel yourself caving just think of your happiness that your children deserve to see u happy
Do what you feel. I refuse to leave someone she know what her heart can n canāt take. Let her live her life as she please
Hollie Archetto want to feel better about your lifeā¦follow this group dousies everyday
Get him out of there heāll claim half the house as his
Please tell him to leave because after 9 years I finally got the courage to tell mine to leave and this same thing happened and I did take him back. You are not his mom, he is not your responsibility he is his own. Please make him leave.
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Do what i do. Tell him to leave or else you will have him removed. Good luck.
Leave and donāt look back
Heās a big boy, make him fend for himself. Actions speak louder than words.
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Donāt communicate or spend time together unless the conversation is about the kids. You shouldnāt be taking care of a grown man. Period. Especially the man who is supposed to be supporting his children. No honey!
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Sounds like u need him to. Maybe set goals for him. See if he can hit them. If so maybe itās not as bad as u think.
Tell him to look into low income housing or some other option. You are not his mother nor his doormat. Your kids need to see him stepping up continuously. Set boundaries and make consequences if he doesnāt meet them.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is living with us, I'm scared we will get back together, help!
Sorry but if you continue to meet his needs and HElP him your part of the problem! Stop enabling him to not have to work! Just wondering if I come help with your kids will you support me too?
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Um, kick him out?? Seems like you donāt even trust yourselfā¦ set boundaries, hun. You are worthy!! And deserve better. You & your kids are worth more then that. Donāt settle for less. Words mean nothing. Itās actions. Really hard to believe he has a job, from what I read. You canāt help everyone. What he is going through is his fault. He needs to grow a set and be an adult. I understand thatās the father to your kids. But heās not your child. Worst mistake would be to sleep with him. If he TRULY is this way. Do not put yourself in that predicament. Iād tell him to find another place to live. It already sounds like youāre doing a FANTASTIC job on your own. Donāt let him bring you down.
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I hate to say this but ITS NOT YOUR PROBLEM! You dealt with it for a long time and enough is enough. He gonna take your kindness for granted and over step. What I been told and seen first hand is ā a man will move mountains if needed to get where he wants to be.ā So he could have a job months back. tell him he got a week to figure it out. After? Your done. He needs to get out. For now he needs to sleep on the couch, do not do anything for him. He is grown. That means him making his own dinner or getting his own plate, washing his dish. Doing his on laundry, picking up all his crap. Itās not your problem his relative are a hour away or he doesnāt have gas money. He can take the bus. Itās a lot cheaper. If you choose to let him keep using the car. Tell him he got 3 months to find his own and for now, every pay check he needs to give you some towards the car. Itās not cheap and you got kids and a life to mange and donāt need another child (him) to watch
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LOLā¦really ? Great guy ? Doesnāt sound like such a great guy. Lies, didnāt help around the house and could not hold a job. Those are all of your red flags right there. Move the hell on. Dumb questionā¦so obvious.
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Get him a tent for the backyard if he has nowhere to sleep. Do NOT keep this man in your house. Give him at most 1 week to hear from HR or get out. Heās probably lying about that though too.
Separate yourself as much as possible and get him out of your house!!! He wonāt change anything unless heās forced by no other options. Until then you are just an option. Heās using you and your situation.
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Heās not your problem anymore heās a grown man he can figure it out for himself all youāre doing is continuing to raise him and take care of the kids as well I donāt think youāre being very smart by having him stay in the house with you if youāre afraid of getting into the same old routine you are in 20 years ago youāre going to
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A great guy would have a job or two to raise his children. A great guy would clean up after himself and the children.
It was like a wake up call when you ended things. He will fall back into the same patterns.
The best thing for you and your kids is to get his sorry behind out of your home!
The kids are watching and learning that his behavior is acceptable and how to treat a partner.
Oh boo hoo! His family isnāt close. Too bad! He should have thought about that little tidbit.
Once you become a parent, you first concern should be about the kids.
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Looks to me like you are raising 3 kids, 1 of which has you wrapped around his little finger. You know what to do, you just needed to write it down so you could reinforce your opinion!
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I wouldnāt even have let him move back in to be honest. He didnāt change the first time, he wonāt now. Sounds like he has got some growing up to do! He needs to find out what itās like in the real world. Hold a job, pay bills on his own. You are only showing him that itās ok to be this way. U can do better! Everything bad about him that you said should tell you that it would be a big mistake getting back together! Most importantly, the kids are always the one to suffer in the end and if u are not happy then they will not be happy. He really sounds like a moocher if u ask me. Hopefully you can make your decision and donāt worry about his feelings!! Worry about u and ur kids! 
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Let him live in your garage and he can come in the house while you work to take care of the kids. As soon as you get home, back to the garage he goes! It sounds like this is his only way to contribute to his kids. Maybe heāll get a job in his āoff hoursā so he can pay for gas and not have to live in the garage!
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He just wants to be there because itās a free ride & heās gonna give you a free ride to get to live there!! Heās using your water power & eating up your food. Things that is supposed to be for your kids. Kick him out! He needs to be working & paying child support!!!
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One thing Iāve learnt is my children has picked up on my feelings pretty quick - since Iāve left their dad Iāve become happier and so have they
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You have 2 kids together but it seems you actually have 3! A third dependent!
Not one time did you mention love! Get him outā¦heās an adult! You can find other help with the kids,dont use item as an excuse! He does not need to move in and out of the home where the kids areā¦do you even care about their hearts? The confusion you are causing them. They should be your priority but instead itās all about you and him.
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Give him a date to leave. ( like two weeks) In the mean time make other arrangements for your childcare. Dont fall back into old bad habits. You have done so well. Do you really want to give him half when he finally leaves again.
Be upfront with your kids if they are old enough to understand what youāre saying to them. That heās only there temporarily until he gets a job and finds his own place. Give him a certain amount of time and stick to it!!! Since heās already there. You donāt want him there any longer than needed. Heās a burden on you that you canāt handle. He wonāt change and if you donāt give him a time limit heāll never leave and youāll be back to where you donāt want
Make sure he knows the boundaries, no sleeping in your room no entering your room for any reasons he does his own laundry he is there for the kids and the kids onlyā¦if he canāt handle that then he gotta go you did your part for yrs and shouldnāt feel responsible for him now remember he is not your child and was not a good partner from the sounds of it you let it go for a reason remember that it wonāt change just cause he says so if it never did in the pastā¦ u are his cushion from falling and he knows it
Letting him come back was your first problem. After 8 years my ex husband stayed with me as it was convenient, that was all. No hanky panky. I moved and he somehow found his way. There has to be time or ugh between you two. Bless your heart. You will look like the bad guy to your kids, too. Good luck.
āLong story short, great dad, good guy, terrible partner. Could not hold a job, lying about even small things, helping around the house was like pulling teeth, and he woke with a crappy attitude daily.ā Did you actually let that sink in when you typed it. THAT should be the end of the story and no further discussion. You have been independent living and who would not like that given the statement you just made. He WILL take advantage of that and your soft spot because of the kids. DONāT DO IT! HE can not afford, HE can notā¦ He can notā¦ you want your kids to learn that it is okay for their dad to take advantage of their mom and not work and contribute.
you should tell yourself something different, your kids wont be hurt if you are teaching them that it is not ok to be like that, ask yourself if you want your children to believe it is ok to have someone treat you the way he is, I doubt you do or to have your children grow to believe that that is how they should treat people? Stand up because you love your kids you are shaping them and they deserve to be treated with love and respect and also you want them to be loving and respectful which monkey see monkey do! You can do it absolutely and you can do it with love! Cant afford back and forth is an excuse, tell him to find his way he is a big boy, if he loves his kids he will find it and stop making excuses