Hi I would like to get some opinions from you fellow mommas!! So I have 3 kids right , the 2 oldest have the same dad & the baby has a different dad. Well I have a small business & I do it at home I sometimes have to have my oldest watch the baby because obviously I have to make income somehow right?! Well apparently the oldest kids dad says that his kids don’t have to watch the baby . My opinion is why is he acting like he never watched his siblings when his mom went to work or had errands to do? & why is it such a problem that I’m trying to have my kids get along & love eachother the same whether or not they have the same dad I feel so emotional & distraught about the whole situation. I don’t want to bash him bt he’s always been so mean & always draining me of my happiness and freedom which is the main reason I left him.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is mad our oldest sometimes watches the kids when I work: Advice?
How old are the kiddos?
What are the ages of the kids that you have watching the baby? That is kind of a key detail
How old are the kiddos?
Eff him. Why do you even give a crap what he says? The main issue would be age. How old is the oldest? I only leave my toddler (3) with my oldest (12) for maybe a 2 to 4 hours tops.
You didn’t mention their ages,
You’re giving him to much power over your life. Tell him to shut the F up and mind HIS business and keep up the hard work of being a SAHM BOSS MOM!! 🫶🏼
Your home your rules!!
Age is a huge factor here
As the oldest sibling, it ruined my relationship with my younger siblings. Being forced to play parent to siblings is awful.
Yes the ages would be helpful to know because he could be being bitter and petty or actually making a point but regardless of their ages he sounds like he is being petty and bitter because if the baby were to have been his he probably wouldn’t have nothing to say about it but since its not his that could be it
Well he does have a point, don’t see anything wrong with it as long as its not a routine. It’s not fair for your oldest to watch both the parents responsibilities regardless if you have to make extra cash. From time to time hire someone to watch your youngest don’t pass on that responsibility to your oldest children.
It’s because the baby is from a different guy so he’s being a jacka$$ 
I say it depends on how old they all are and how often. You can’t expect your older kids to raise your youngest. Let kids be kids!
Depends on their ages
My daughter’s literally has her taking care of her siblings, I FaceTime her she’s in her same clothes I sent her in, hair messed up and her telling her younger siblings and getting them away from places they shouldn’t be. She’s changed her 4 year olds pull up she’s 6 years old. She’s helpful but he takes advantage of her helpfulness. How old is the oldest because they may be complaining about it.
As long as the child in charge of the younger one is old enough to be responsible then he doesn’t get to chose what happens at your house. It’s obviously not their responsibility to raise the younger siblings but helping out is what being part of a family is
Depends on the age and maturity. You don’t mention. Or the state, because each state has different laws on children at home. Not enough info to advise.
I may be the odd one out or the ‘bad guy’ but I hate situations where any child has to be responsible for their sibling(s). It’s not fair for the child just because they’re the eldest. They didn’t ask for any of it. I can see his point. Unless he’s arguing because it’s some other guys kid, but it seem like he just doesn’t want his child missing out just to have to babysit.
How old are your kids? I’m a big believer in kids being kids not baby sitters I hope you have spoken to the child baby sitting and made sure they are ok to do this and purhapse some form of payment aswell
Without ages it is hard to determine anything. Even if the oldest is 11, how old is the youngest and all that. Need more info.
My almost 15 yr old watches my almost 8yr old when need be. Yeah age is a factor. I’d tell him to stay in his F’ing lane and this is my house. 
Your house. Not his he has no say. Tell him to bug off.
What goes on in your home is none of his business.
I hate this scenario. IT IS NOT YOUR CHILDREN’S RESPONSIBILITY TO WATCH THEIR SIBLINGS!!!
To me, this is lazy parenting. I said what I said and I’m not sorry. 
If it’s often, I agree with dad. Your children are not responsible for the younger children. Those are YOUR kids. I would be mad to.
Maybe it’s because his mum made him watch his siblings while he just wanted to be a kid and he doesn’t want his kids going through it. I think you could possibly be seeing it from the wrong perspective. But who knows
You are the one who decided to have more kids , older children should not have to take care of their younger siblings, it’s not their responsibility.
I mean , depending on their ages , maybe for a little period of time, occasionally.
What does the elder child who happens to care for their younger sibling, say?
Depends how old your oldest is I guess and how often this happens. If it’s something that happens often you may need to find a babysitter also, speak to a lawyer because he could file for more custody because of child’s age, how often the child is left without adult care and babysitting siblings also, if child has expressed they are forced or don’t want too babysit to him.
It depends on their ages & show often. A couple of hours, a few days a week; ok. Cool.
Every single day? No. They aren’t the parent & shouldn’t be chained to a sibling.
First of all. You’re home while they help you out with their sibling. 2nd of all, the ex has no business knowing yours
My opinion? What happens on your time with your kids is your business. What happens on his time with his kids is his. Period.
What goes on in your home is what you decide.
He doesn’t get to dictate that and vice versa. If I have learned anything with co parenting it’s to pick my battles. Sounds like he needs to do the same.
Its not a kids responsibility to take care of a kid , no matter your situation.
It would’ve been helpful if you mentioned how old the oldest is for we could be helpful on whether or not the oldest should watch his/her youngest siblings or not.
In my personal opinion if you wanna have multiple children then it’s up to you to find childcare for the kids that cannot be left alone. Children need to be children not babysitters for their younger siblings. If you want your oldest babysitting then you need to be paying the oldest for watching their younger siblings
As long as your kids are old enough to do so legally, then don’t worry about anyones opinions. I have 3 kids and from time to time I have my almost 16 year old watch the younger two.
There are 8 years between my older sister and I. Unfortunately my parents had no choice but to have her watch me. I was so angry at my parents for that for a long time and so is she. She’s 50 now and feels she was robbed of a childhood. She is a narcissist and hated me. I’m definitely not made at my parents anymore. I completely understand but it definitely traumatized me. I never had my children babysit each other.
Some of the comments on this post are so ugly I’m pretty sure none of you are paying her child care and I doubt she’s forcing then to watch she is at home Jesus ppl
Leaving the kids age out of your post seems like your fishing for approval from the man haters in the group. He’s probably right.
I’d say it’s your kids, your time, and your house and it’s none of your exs business. Your house, your rules. He doesn’t get to make them there. You are literally home if they needed anything.
I rekon we try to do the best with what we have. Sometimes there isn’t an option in order to provide. If your a single mother you have to hussle to put food on the table and clothes on their backs. So the whole family including the children have to help. If your not a single mum and still with the youngest baby daddy then where is he in the equation? Maybe sit down and talk to ur ex and explain the situation?
Tell him to mind his d@mn business. 
What goes on in YOUR home is none of his concern.
Tell him to kiss your ass!!
he’s a petty pecker head… probably salty you had another baby & your oldest 2 help out… tell him to kiss off & keep doing your thing mama 
Well that is his kids sibling whether he like it or not and if it’s every once in a while here and there it shouldn’t be a big deal
You failed to mention the major part of this story. Ages of the kids
I hated my mom making me babysit my brothers (I was 8yrs old to 18yrs old) ppl thought they were my kids
I watched my younger brothers while dad drove mom to and from work and I turned out fine. My kids are 20, 18 and 9 years old. They helped me with the youngest and still do. They’re just fine for it. They learned diapers/pull ups, bottles, snippy cups, food ect. If your ex doesn’t want to help and has a problem about it that is his problem. So long as no one is being neglected he really has no say on anything outside his home. Sounds like he doesn’t want his kids helping a child of no relation to him. He only gets the control over you as you allow.
As long as they are old enough and mature enough I don’t think it’s any of his business momma! You gotta make that money!
I don’t even know why your thinking about this. Unless either of the kids are in some kind of danger it’s none of his business what goes on in your home. In one ear and out the other. Pay your support, enjoy your visitation and move on
I used to be forced to be the babysitter as I was the oldest and it did create bitterness.
Do not recommend.
If this is an extended thing speak to your child how they feel about it and either compensate them financially or find a sitter.
Can’t breed caretakers for you. Not fair.
Why do I sense that the child that’s babysitting is saying something to dad. Dad may just be trying to have the kid’s back??? I think if it’s to help out now that’s one thing but if it’s constant, the child may be complaining. I can’t fully disagree with Dad. Every family is different and everyone has a story. I do think it’s also important for a kid to be a kid. Adulting will come fast enough! Teaching responsibility and independence is great but not constant.
How old are the kids, how often, are they paid, do they want to do it. Etc. maybe the kid was complaining to her dad and he is sticking up for her because she’s scared to say something.
I don’t think older siblings shld have to watch the younger ones , I as the oldest HAD to watch my sister and it made me resent her AND my mom. Find a babysitter
Tell your ex that what happens in your house is none of his business. I personally don’t see anything wrong with your other kids helping out while you’re making money at home. What do you do when they go to school?
Depends on how old the older two are. Sounds to me he’s being a hater and trying to control your home.
I think people are missing that she works from home, the kids are helping but not actually alone with the baby. Age definitely matters, that helps with advice being given. I left my older son with my oldest child when she was maybe 14 or 15,I never left my youngest because the 2 youngest couldn’t get along at the time she I didn’t trust it, this wasn’t all the time, it was when I would take a trip to the Dr or grocery store once in a while.
Ask him if he’s going to watch them or pay for babysitting??? Give you enough money not to have to work? No? Then he can STFU!! Not his business. Everyone has bills and his kids live there too! What affects them is also for their benefit so no, he gets no vote.
Some kids go to the other parent and complain about it. I know i did when I was 13. But I also wasn’t being rewarded for babysitting kids I didn’t have. And I felt like I was being used. It wasn’t about the money but I did want rewards for it.
Are you rewarding the older sibs for babysitting?? Maybe they would appreciate something in return for babysitting their youngest sib. Cause kids are a handful at a young age and it’s draining even for a teenager.
I had my 14 y/o twin brothers watch my 2y/o child for me while i worked till my husband got home from his job and I asked if they money or a dinner of their choice, they choose pizza and fried Oreos so I bought all of it and had a fun night with them.
Maybe offer your older kids rewards for it. Like a little money I want to work from home and have thought about offering my son some money for his time. My boyfriend paid the older kids 20 dollars a piece for watching her once bc he accidentally fell asleep. She was naked when I got home and covered in hamster food but you gotta pick your battles.
Pay your oldest to babysit. Problem solved. It’s a job. Your husband can’t get mad at that and your son can’t either. Doesn’t have to be alot.
You left one critical piece of info out of your post: the age of your children. If they all are old enough and mature enough, no problem. But if anyone reports you to Child Protection Services, they may disagree with you.
I would NEVER make my oldest watch the youngest. I would offer payment to her. If she wanted to earn some extra cash that way. But never made her feel she had to do it.
Your oldest isn’t responsible for being a baby sitter though. Id ask your oldest how they truly feel about it and possibly find a baby sitter and let your oldest be a kid too
I’m not the oldest sibling but I’m the oldest daughter, and being expected to be the maid and the cook while my mom was at work made me hate being at home. I was a constant runaway. To be treated like it’s my responsibility to take care of the kids caused a lot of stress. Older kids deserve to be kids too, they’re not there to do your job, why not the baby’s father or his side of the family? I’m sure they could help.
You are doing fine. It’s perfectly ok to get older kids to help out!
Your kids need to be kids. Don’t rob them of that. SAHM without additional jobs are working as well. They clean, cook, etc, all while taking care of their kids. Learn to multi-task. If your older children are old enough to watch the younger one, then they are old enough to take care of themselves in most ways. If they are pretty self sufficient and responsible, which i assume they are since they babysit, then that only leaves the baby for you to really have to do anything for. Completely doable and possible. You’re a mother. Welcome to parenting. But it is NOT your older kid’s responsibility. You had your children. Take care of them. Let them wait until they have their own before they put on a parent’s shoes.
Having said that…
It is okay SOMETIMES to ask them to help out with the baby. Y’all are a family and teamwork is great! But this should only be here and there and not for an extended period of time. IF there is a day that you NEED them to take care of the baby for a longer time, then you need to be paying them. Yes, I said pay them because at that point, it has gone beyond just “helping out for a few” Taking care of a baby is not like a household chore that they need to be helping with anyway.
I agree with Dad. Let the kids be kids.
I have to say something else… People are saying it’s not his business… It absolutely is his business, they are HIS children, your children don’t stop being your business when they are with the other parent, especially if it’s something that affects the child’s mental or physical well being… I’m not saying it does, and while I agree there is nothing wrong with this, especially since she works from home, age definitely matters in this situation, which day if the older child is like under 12, he shouldn’t be watching a baby depending on what he does… He can help fetch a bottle, etc, but not other major stuff. Kids definitely shouldn’t be made to babysit for a long time to the point that they are basically parenting, they need to have lived too. This is why I stayed home because I didn’t trust daycare,I didn’t want my daughter having that responsibility, she deserved to be a teen. There was a time I needed her to watch my son, she had other plans and was upset,I canceled my own. Don’t do that to your kids… Like I said, with her working from home, I think it’s fine and the age is significant.
It’s your house not his. If the older ones are old enough.
He’s your ex and can not control you anymore.
I personally don’t agree with siblings having to watch one another. Assuming the older ones are mature enough, they should be old enough to have a conversation with. Do they mind watching the baby ? Again assuming the older ones are much older this should be between you and them. A family should be a team.
I would never have my older children watch my younger children.
It’s not there responsibility.
Pay a baby sitter or put the baby in to day care.
Your house your rules! He don’t get a say in that
He gets absolutely no opinion on what you do inside your home as long as your children are not at risk in any way. & You are in the home!!! It’s not like you’re leaving them home alone for endless hours at a time.
Tell him to mind his own damn business.
He can parent however he likes when the children are in HIS care.
No wonder he’s an ex!
I had too many friends forced to watch siblings to make my kids do it. That said, I do offer to pay them if they want to watch them while I’m busy. If they don’t want to make $ I hire a sitter.
I mean it depends on how old your oldest is. Also depends on your oldest maturity level I know some 15 year Olds that shouldn’t be trusted with children and I know some 13 year Olds that would make a great sitter
My 12 yr old sometimes watches her little sister 5 for a couple of hours for her dad and step mom and I don’t throw a fit or get all pissy about it, but her step mom also pays her.
How old is your oldest child, how often do they babysit, and do you pay him or her?
I think ur ex is just being a jerk and wanting to control shit. Probably some sort of anger there bc u left him. Nothing wrong with ur child helping out and I don’t believe they need to be paid for it. I used to watch my siblings and I wasn’t paid or anything. My mom worked.
The most my eldest does for his 11 month old sister is sits with her while I either quickly duck to the bathroom, or I quickly have dishes or a quick vacuum.
9/10 times I can see them or hear them at least.
And that’s only because little miss hates being left on her own.
My sons 11.
I don’t even leave her inside in her walker while I hang washing with her siblings, she comes outside in her walker or on her play mat.
He is not her parent, I am.
Sorry but agreeing with the dad here. 
Whewww. Imagine having a bunch of bitter ass women shaming you for asking your kids to help.
When my daughter was 8 she told me that her dad was going to pay her to babysit her brother (3) and his girlfriend’s two kids (4 & 6). I threw the breaks on that so damn fast. When he told me I was overstepping I simply called CPS and he got a letter.
My daughter wanted to babysit because she wanted the money. Then I asked her what she’d do if the 4 yr old decided to take off down the street (he was a bit wild), “I’d go after him.”
“And what about the other two?” She then realized that she wasn’t prepared.
Once she was mature enough to handle the other kids, it didn’t bother me, but 8 was easy too young.
We did test runs when her brother was 6 and she was 11½. By the time she was 12 I could leave her in charge for a couple hours.
Oldest daughters often become second mothers. Please pay your kid.
All love,
The oldest
I had to watch my younger sibs. My oldest had to watch her younger sibs even tho one is only a half-brother as he has a different dad. Learning how to be responsible is very good for you kids. Unhappy ex’s need to stop and realize the kids have the same mom and watching their half-sib isn’t hurting them at all. You don’t have to bribe your child to watch a younger sib by paying them either. I never got paid and neither did my daughter!!!
Tell him he can worry about his household and you worry about yours. Idk your oldest age but after 11 or 12 a older sibling moat definitely can babysit especially short periods of time… and its good for them… responsibility and etc…
You do what you need to do. Don’t worry about judgement from others or the other parent.
It depends, are the kids too young or have an issue doing it or is he just being over the top because the youngest isn’t his child? If the oldest is a decent age, perhaps talk to them directly and ask if they have any issues with it, if they’d like to earn a few bucks babysitting etc. The child might be complaining to dad, in which case there’s an issue there that needs to be addressed.
Nope older children shouldn’t be force to watch their younger siblings … my stepson and daughter is 6 yrs apart , when he was 14yrs old and my daughter was 8 yrs old , my husband started working w me 5 hrs 5 days week , we sat down w ss ask if he be ok watching our daughter for $60 every 2 week and extra $5 a hr if we have stay later or go in earlier or if we do something out side of work , and he agree , it was job ,it’s wasn’t force on him, we always did dinner b4 we left , most he had to do tell her get in bath and keep eye on her in house …and ur kids father have right say something they r his kids , and maybe ur kids r saying something to him about it that y he upset …kids shouldnt be force or expected to take care of siblings , NOT THEIR responsibility they didn’t choose to have them
You haven’t mentioned how old
Your child is
So it’s hard to really know
Who is wrong or right
Your time with your kids, it’s your rules with your kids.
He can have his own rules during his time, this isn’t one of those topics that takes a mutual decision.
Edit: it would have been nice to have the ages in the info.
All I can say is that my oldest has been a lifesaver to this mama. My kids ages range wildly (6 kids from almost 25 down to 3), and she really is a wonderful big sister and immense help to me.
It takes a village, and as the eldest, she has been a big part of the younger ones’ village.
People need to read the post, the mumma works at home.
How old? Then I’ll respond but remember the oldest sometimes takes the role of a mother and it can effect them.
If you’re home and they help you look after the little one its okay. But not if you’re away from the house. Kids these days are not built like us back in the day. A lot of things can happen.
I had to babysit every weekend at 12. Get a babysitter. Let your older kids be kids
tell him to eat a bag of dicks
He’s controlling as f. That’s his issue. He’s probably also pissed that you’ve had another baby and that you’re doing just fine without him 
1,4&8 year old there has been numerous times I’ve asked my 8 year old
To play make sure she’s ok so I could do something.
Inside the house of course but he isn’t making meals or bathing her, just playing and watching a movie. No biggie
You need a babysitter
His opinion honestly doesn’t matter.