My ex is mad our oldest sometimes watches the kids when I work: Advice?

There are limits, and you shouldn’t take advantage, but in general as long as the kids are safe, and you’re obeying local laws, there’s no problem.
Ex can be upset his kids have to behave like siblings to their sibling…

Limits include:
Children too young for the job.
Children expected to spend most of their free time caring for others.
Children taking on tasks above their pay grade (occasional diapers are one thing, frequently being in charge of diaper duty is another)
Leaving the house when kids are too young to handle emergencies.
(Obviously not an exhaustive list.)

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I don’t think he has much say in this. I personally wouldn’t have my older kids watch the younger ones bcuz I feel like it’s not their responsibility however, if you and the kids are good with it, so be it. Good luck to you :blush:

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Ur house ur rules tell him to mind his own

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Tell him to stfu and stay out your household

My siblings and I have different dads and I watched all 2 of them. What dad is saying Is hilarious… man I used to prep food for them and sometimes my moms coffee for her.

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I get my older 2 to watch my youngest all the time…

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Eff him. That’s your house. Tell him to pay for a sitter or kick rocks.

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I would never ask my eldest to babysit. Let them be kids. Get a babysitter

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Your child is your responsibility not your children’s. Get a baby sitter 1000 percent agree with him and his opinion on his child completly matters. You don’t just get a say :woman_facepalming: and you work from home watch your kids your own damn self just like any single mother does :woman_facepalming: let kids be kids. Honeslty it seems like your taking advantage of his children on another man’s kid and it’s sickening

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How old are the 2 oldest? What is age of youngest? How often are they watching youngest? It almost sounds as if they complained to dad about watching the younger one. They need time to be kids too.

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Your house your rules tell him when he can contribute more money to your household then he can have some say over what happens there ! Your home still do it’s no big deal !!

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I have 16 & 15 year old sons to my ex husband and an 11 week old to my fiancé. For perspective, we have an amazing relationship with my ex husband and his GF. However, my 16 & 15 year old help to look after bubs heaps! They will do one bottle feed a day, an occasional nappy change - but they play with her regularly so that I can get stuff done around the house. It takes so much pressure off me. They’re happy to pick her up and cuddle her often (leaving me free to do other stuff). My ex husband loves our new babygirl (he is “uncle” to her), and would never have an issue with my boys watching her. Although he did grow up in a blended family with half siblings, so I guess he knows how it all works.
If you’re kids are happy enough to help you out, that’s all that matters!

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Having an older sibling help in age appropriate ways, SOMETIMES, is okay. If it’s a regular thing and the oldest ends up missing out on social events or other activities because they have to watch their siblings…that’s not okay. My sister basically raised me and it messed her up, and then she continued the cycle with her oldest. It’s unhealthy and can cause longterm resentment, among other issues.

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My older kids ALWAYS helped me with my younger kids. Most are grown now. Thry love each other. They don’t hate me because sometimes they had to help. They aren’t mad about having to be good older siblings. I don’t regret having them step up here and there either. They all turned out great. So I can’t see a problem. Why you care what he thinks? Screw him.

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Some of these people :roll_eyes: your kids are going to be absolutely fine. I was second mama to 4 younger siblings, babysat them FOR FREE a lot, and because of it I wasn’t scared at all when I had my first baby. I always cleaned the house while my parents were gone and I was babysitting. There has been a handful of times when my baby didn’t hardly sleep at night and in the morning his sister took him and hung out with him so I could sleep for an hour and they LOVE doing that. The responsibly and bonding is good for your kiddos. Don’t change a thing.

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Does this Dad live with you and the kids?

Either the kids complained or he doesn’t want them watching a baby that isn’t his. Age appropriate babysitting is fine. Mayeb start giving them a few bucks
Here and there

Most of us have the oldest help here and there! It’s start at birth normally. Hey get me this or that. Next it’s simply watch the baby so I can shower. Watch your sister so I can mow the grass. Just as long as your not being lazy or taking advantage of them it’s perfectly normal and fine. Just be mindful to not overly except or demand too much of kids. After all thry are kids. Once in a while is once in a while!!! Not all the time!

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I think there should always be a balance between helping mom and acting like the mom. A lot of times we put a lot on the oldest and forget it’s really not their responsibility to be the free babysitter. Try not to take advantage. They didn’t choose to be a parent but we did. (I have to remind myself of the same) no criticism here.

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What you do with the kids on your time is none of his business and he gets no say. I don’t even know why your even having that conversation with him. You don’t even have to talk to him if the subject is him having a option about it.

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Well how old are your kids? my oldest is 15 and he watches his sisters (9 and 7 will be 8 next week) sometimes when I need him too. He started watching them at home alone when he was 14 sometimes if I needed to runs errands or go to the store and it wasn’t going to take that long.

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It depends on how are kids are that minding them

Is the kid complaining to his dad about looking after his sibling? Could be why the fathers not happy about it. Maybe the kid doesn’t want to do it.

Just a different view of it

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How old are these kids

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How old and honestly, how often does it happen because every once and awhile is fine but doing it constantly isn’t fair and for all we know the oldest confided in the father about not being happy to do it so he’s speaking up for him. My older brother and I helped with our little brother A LOT. And while I can understand it better now as an adult, it definitely left me bitter at times as a teenager. I’d say talk to your son, if he’s perfectly fine with it then fuck what dad says

It’s your job to find a sitter for your child, it’s not your child’s job to be your sitter.

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Let me guess control issues were the reason or part of the reason the 2 of you broke up.

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Not your child’s responsibility to watch your other child every day while you work. Once a week is enough, find a babysitter. Your older child will grow up to resent the baby or blame you for ruining their childhood if they miss out on their teenage years because of you.

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If he has such a problem with it, he can watch the baby. It’s true that the other kids aren’t babysitters, but they can help out every now and again. If they don’t mind helping I don’t see the issue. Just don’t take advantage of them helping and maybe reward them with ice cream or lunch once and awhile. I have half siblings and we were always brought up to say full siblings. Blood just doesn’t matter sometimes. If someone asks we say we’re sisters, not half sisters even though that’s technically what we are.
He can pay for a babysitter or he can watch the baby while you work. Plain and simple if he has such an issue with the other kids helping out.

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Your kids weren’t born to parent for you.

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All I gotta say is you do what you need to do for you and your children.

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My eldest helps me watch their sister. It’s being part of a family and helping one another. I do pay them , neong a teenager i find it only fair As long as it’s once ,maybe twice a week and your children don’t have an issues with it , then there should be no issues

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Spending time together is one thing, but it is NOT your other kids’ responsibility to watch your youngest. They didn’t ask for you to have a baby lol that was completely YOUR decision.

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Your house, your rules and decisions, not his. However, he has valid points if your oldest is under the age of legally being able to be unattended/unsupervised. He can report you to child welfare if that’s the case, rightfully so. :woman_shrugging:
If your oldest is legally able to watch the younger siblings, maybe he’s upset because your older child is complaining to him and they are feeling upset and can’t share that they are uncomfortable being a babysitter to you. Also, I share the opinion that as an every once in a while kind of thing it’s no biggie to have older kids watch younger kids in the same household to help out now and then. But if it’s a regular thing for your job that you need child care regularly, you should be paying for someone to watch the baby. Because that’s a job. :woman_shrugging:

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It’s not that big of a deal. Depending on age it’s perfectly fine for you kids to watch their siblings started at 10

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It seems like maybe the kids are complaining and haven’t told you. Maybe talk to them and see if there’s a solution :thinking:

YOU are the MOTHER of all the children. YOU say what goes on in your house and YES they should LOOK AFTER and WATCH each other.

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How old are your older children? Do you leave them alone or are you home with them? Do you compensate them? It kind of sounds like he’s just being petty. Kids/ teens should help their parents out when needed.

My 17yr old daughter (lives at home & in HS/ college) watches her 9, 8 & 5yr old siblings. I work 2 jobs about 60-80hrs a week, one job is on call. My hubby, their dad work 80+ hrs a week (40+ hrs are on call). If hubby is home he steps in. She gets to be a normal teenager, she does (by choice) FFA, 4H, WAHSET, Girl scouts & is gone every fri & sat. She gets paid when I’m working on call. We also foot the bill for her insurance, gas, truck, cell phone, 3 horses & any other things she wants/ needs. This is her normal “work” schedule, then some on call times too. Give & take on days my hubby is schedule off.
Sun: 1pm-9pm feeds them, nightly routine & puts them to bed.
Mon: 4pm-9pm gets them off the bus, nightly routine & to bed.
Tus- Thur: gets them up 7am, morning routine & on the school bus by 805am.

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Just respond with “thats their brother/sister. It’s not JUST my child, it’s their baby brother/sister. Don’t try to teach them to be hateful”

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If the kids are all living together and the oldest is old enough to look after the baby then there shouldn’t be a issue its normal for the oldest child to help look after their siblings when parent or parents work or go out etc plus what goes on under your roof he doesn’t had opinion about, kids complain about everything include teens in society now teens don’t want to or don’t do nothing don’t even know how to cook or use a washing machine we as parents were Brought up looking after siblings cooking and ironing and washing clothes from a young age so yes teens should help out with baby sitting when needed x

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Don’t worry about what your ex has to say about how you and your children live.

Just remember you don’t get to say shit about how he lives with them either.

Let him be mad and tell him it’s really none of his business anyway :tipping_hand_woman::ok_hand:

Befor everybody runs to her defence … How old are these kids? Oldest might be 7 she didnt say

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You had that child it’s your responsibility to take care of that child not the sibling. I never ever told my son to watch his sister,he’s a child not an adult.If that child gets hurt,what a horrible effect it will have on the older child.

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I would see if my kids are complaining about it tbh and reevaluate how often I ask. There’s nothing wrong with them keeping an eye on their sibling. It’s not like you’re doing it for an extended period of time every single day

If the kids are old enough to watch the kids, what’s his problem?? He just doesn’t want them to watch the younger child because it’s not his. Tell him it’s really none of his business. You have to do what’s best for you and tell him he could contribute more to help out. But, I wouldn’t hold my breath on that one. There’s really nothing he can do about it.

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What’s his problem,it’s not like you’re leaving the house.Siblings can help with younger siblings and it’s none of his business what goes on in your home as long as the kids aren’t in danger.If your older kids are complaining then tell them you’ll quit and see how they cope with you have limited money to support them

Ignore him… he is a tw*t… a pathetic sad jealous one at that

Happens a lot. Just trying to make your life as difficult as possible. If you can afford it give the oldest ones a little allowance for doing it and always tell them how they make it easier for you to earn a living to provide for them.

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Just ignore his arogance heis beign childish

How old are the children involved? That information would be helpful.

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So unless I missed something there is missing info. How old are the kids? How long are they watching the younger kids and how many times a week? This could be a lot on a child on top of school and other chores. Kids can get along with each other with out having to help raise the younger ones.

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Parentification of a child can be detrimental to their well-being, especially when caring for an infant themselves.
If it’s stressful on an adult, it’s doubly so for a child.
Now if the oldest is 17 and just watches the baby until it gets fussy then they go get you, that’s a different story.
But considering you keep calling the child “the oldest”, I’m going to assume they are NOT a teenager.
Do NOT put the responsibility of a baby on a child.
If something happened to the baby, you would blame the older kid (and don’t say you wouldn’t because it would be a knee-jerk reaction), so keep the baby in the room with you while you’re working.
Parenting one’s siblings is NOT how you make them “get along and love each other”, but it is a very good way to make your oldest resent that baby’s existence.

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How old are the children ?

You tell him just that and to worry about himself

He obviously still wants to have control over you. :roll_eyes: you’re doing nothing wrong. Don’t feel bad for doing what you have to do.

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He sounds very jealous, my older daughter looks after her sister whilst I work or a night out. But at the end of the day she has treats and pays zero board

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How old are the kids? You are robbing them of their childhood by doing this

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Kids shouldn’t have to watch kids…

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The big child has to care for the little one while you work. If you can afford creche or caregiver…fine.

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Don’t let him drain you next thing he will say you aren’t a fit mother…

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It’s bc it’s not his kid

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I babysat my siblings when my mom worked out of the house and 1 night every other weekend so she could go out and left off steam and had no issue with it. It provided her the ability to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. Shed give me money to go out on weekends when she had it but I also got “perks” that the rest of the kids didn’t get

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He’s either jelly or your kids said something.

He’s just being vengeful. A ex like him is not concerned about about anyone but themselves

My 5 yr old tries to watch and baby my 3 yr old! Tell him to shut up. If I’m in the middle of an order I will ask one to go check on the other and see what they are doing. They are usually right where I am though. They don’t move very far away from me. My 5 yr old wants a baby sister so he can take care of her. My 3 yr old just wants a baby. He loves babies.

He’s most likely being difficult because the youngest baby is not his. If it was he most probably would not have a problem with it. There your kids too and there helping you out while you try to provide nothing to feel bad about.

She just said she works from home and has the oldest watch the youngest… I mean she’s still in the home it’s not like she’s leaving them to work away and be gone for hours.

Have you made sure your oldest is 100% ok with helping watch her sibling? Maybe she said something to dad about not liking having to do it all the time.

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He’s a tool. He has no right to try to create a separation between your children. They are siblings. End of story. And it’s unless the eldest is under 10, there is no reason they can’t mind the baby occasionally

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Depends the kids age and maturity

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He can’t run ur household. Ignore him

I have always hated this honestly your older kids aren’t built in Baby sitters. Sometime I guess is okay but how much is sometimes.

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Honestly maybe your oldest just doesn’t want to be a babysitter.

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If he doesn’t help you pay your bills telling the stay out of your business. Family should always help family when they can.

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Tell him where to go r tell him to watch his kids

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Sounds like he just wants to be a douche. Oldest siblings have watched their younger siblings for many years and we all survived.

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Why does he have a say to what goes on at your house? Your house your rules

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I am the oldest of four, and I don’t share a dad with any of them. I helped take care of all of them. I’m not sure what his issue is, but I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. However, please don’t abuse the fact that they are capable of helping you, by having them babysit all the time, as that isn’t fair either because while capable of helping you, they are still children too. It may all stem from jealousy. There’s no way to really no but I wouldn’t worry too much.

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You never said what the age of your kids are?

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How old are the kids?

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You haven’t mentioned how old the kids are… Or maybe you did and i didnt see it.
My oldest just about to turn 17 watches her siblings once in a while for me… twins are 8 and my youngest is about to turn 7… i have another older thats 12… (but her watches himself or helps with the littles if i need it)… but i also know these arent her kids… she didnt ask for it… And its not her responsibility to care for them.
Make sure this isnt an all the time thing… If it is… Invest in a babysitter instead.

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i am earning every day more than $ 500 from home by work online. Yesterday i got my 4th payment of $ 13967. I never thought l’d be able to do it but my colleague makes over $ 14374 a month doing this and she convinced me to try

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I’m not sure how old your kiddos are. I get where he is coming from. If they are just watching the baby once in a while than I get it, but if it’s a constant thing than maybe hire a nanny because I believe it’s not an older siblings job to help raise their siblings. I had to do this a lot and so did my mom with her siblings and it caused resentment. If money is tight than have him help you hire someone since he is so against it.

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Your house your business no explanation needed

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Tell him when the kids are with him then he sets the rules and when the kids are with you you set the rules that’s it end of discussion. He wants to control you and punish you for having a child to another guy. This is how he gets to you. Tell the kids at this house it’s this way and when you are with your dad it’s his way. Tell them dad does not set the rules at your house.

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Kids aren’t built in baby sitters.

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I had to baby sit for my mom and. No I’m sorry kids should be kids. Not live in babysitters.

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Its your house, I feel he’s just butthurt but your youngest is your oldest’s aibling to I think its fine as long as you pay or reward him some how

Unless you’re doing this excessively or the kids aren’t old enough, then it’s none of his business.

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He has nonsay what goes on in your house and he’s creating a problem by telling his children he doesn’t have to listen to you when they’re home with you. That’s exactly what he’s doing. I can see his point to an extent only because it’s not the older children’s job to be babysitting. And an excuse that he did it when he was younger is probably why he sees an issue. Maybe he resents his parents because he wasn’t able to do things because he babysat. Idk. There’s nothing wrong with it, just don’t abuse the fact that they can help. But he has no real power here. And that may be what the real issue is. He can’t control what goes on in your house and this is his way to do it. Just remind your children that they do have to mind you, you are the boss of your house and its the same for dad’s house. ( and I’ll slip in unless it’s something unsafe like they’re being abused and that’s the only time a parent should step in if it involves the other parent since so many parents are terrible at coparenting)

Tell him to pay all your bills so you can care for his children and not have to work.

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If it’s just an occasional thing I don’t see the problem with it and he needs to get over it but if this is an everyday thing no, your kids are not built-in babysitters and I’ve seen firsthand what it does to kids who are required to watch their siblings every day.

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If this is for short periods of time and they are of an appropriate age (teens), I don’t see a problem with it. If it’s all day or they are younger than 13, then I tend to agree, that the baby is not the older children’s responsibility.

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If ur home too, is it really babysitting or keeping an eye on the baby?! Idk ur kids ages but doesn’t seem like it’s gotta be made into a big deal?!

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It won’t hurt them to help out they do live there and . If your ex doesn’t live there it’s not any of his business

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Depends on how old they are, if they are getting paid, and if they are willing.

How old is the oldest ?

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im on dads side. it’s not her job to watch her siblings. don’t make her grow up faster. let her be a child. :woman_shrugging:t3:

helping is one thing, 100% responsibility is not okay. is she sleep certified and CPR and first aid certified ? food for thought.

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If you are making them babysit opposed to them happily doing it then it’s a No for me. Do you pay them for their services?