He either isn’t present at all for the visit or he leaves. & it has been this way since the order was put into place, this weekend is his weekend. He decided to go to the beach instead of getting my daughter, I don’t feel he should make this time up since he willingly chose not to utilize it. Is that wrong? He does nothing for her, his parents (bless them) do everything. They are the ones who spend time with her, & take her to do fun things. The courts never do anything, im at a dead end. He won’t sign his rights away, & he won’t put in an effort to even build a relationship with her. Any advice is appreciated. I’m really just lost. My daughter does not like him, she says all the time she wishes he wasn’t her real dad, & she wishes my husband was her only dad. She is 8, & that upsets me because I want her to love her dad. I have voiced my concerns to him, & he will read my message but not even respond or tells me I’m putting all of this in her head. Someone please tell me what I can do, if I can even do anything?
I would see about going back to court. Theres no reason for him (besides being petty) that he wouldn’t give his rights up when he chooses to do other things instead of his visitation. Keep a log if he actually shows up and the time he leaves. I had to go to court over visitation with my dad and they interviewed me. I told them I didn’t want more time at my dads & the court ordered in my mom & i’s favor. I’m not sure if it’ll be the same where you are, but there’s no point in him being in her life. She doesn’t want him in it anyways, & it sounds like she’s happier with your, your husband and her grand parents. I would say leave it alone and just not let him show up, but it probably hurts your daughter each time he doesn’t. He just needs to give his rights up so your husband can adopt her, if that’s an option for your family.
I would take it back to court if you can and explain how much this is affecting your daughter to the point that she doesn’t want to see him. They need to put her first and have her best interests at heart.
It’s heartbreaking to feel rejected by a parent but when he’s opening doing it infront of her is just disgusting! It’s relationships like this that cause damage and aren’t healthy for any child. I would protect her while you still can before this damages her even more.
She has you and her step dad and sometimes that’s all we need is 2 parents that care for us. Blood doesn’t mean anything in these situations. At least she can see her dad for what he really is. Xx
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is never present for visitation with our daughter, what can I do?
Get a lawyer and explain the circumstances and get your order changed… it really isn’t that difficult. Advice from strangers on the net aren’t going to help… the logical answer is get a lawyer!!!
Document document document. Then throw it all in front of the judge. Screw the ex. You got this
It took me some time to realize this myself… but you are not responsible for his relationship with his daughter. For your own wellbeing, stop carrying that emotional burden. Focus in the people who love her, and help her do the same. Make his visitation weekend “grandparents weekend”, and tell him if he would like to see her, that is where she will be on those weekends.
Let him choose that road, the amazing relationship she’s building with her grandparents is amazing enough. If the grandparents utilized the visits, so be it. But no you are never obligated to make up his loss time. Just think of it as the grandparents visits it may hurt seeing this but you daughter will see the true hero’s. Good luck.
Fact is…he won’t change 
Don’t take her away from his parents she will figure out who has been there when she needed him to be.
Have your husband adopt her. Go thru the court process for it. He will contest but it will all come out in court. This is for her safety now because he never cares for her or is consistent at all. The courts will not let him sign his rights away unless somebody else is there to pick up for it. My husband adopted my first son and has been his only dad til now and he is 8.
Whoever does the dad things is the real dad. The other is a sperm donor. Don’t push it. Don’t, however, cut her off from the grandparents.
Document it and take him back to court
Best advice is don’t force her to see him. If he doesn’t want to see her don’t make it happen. I stopped getting ahold of sons dad and making him take his son. 2 years later and have t heard a single word from him. You can’t force a relationship. All it will do is make the child grow up resenting them and you for forcing it. Just let it be. But also dont bad mouth him infront of her. Let her make her own choices
Keep a diary of missed visits…its supervised to get them to note it too…keep the visits with the grandparents going and take the loser back to court. Your husband can apply to adopt when you get it sorted
Document then file to take his rights away due to abandonment and have your husband adopt her both you an your husband need to go to court to show he is willing to adopt and can do so trust me the judge will side with you just document every time your ex ditches his time
Since it sounds like his parents are involved, have they been able to talk to him? Are they spending time with her during that visitation? Keep a log of everything - every detail, visitation, text, etc. - including when and if he does show and for how long. Be positive and continue to advocate for your daughter. I’d also talk to an attorney on how to move forward.
I was ur kid. My dad and step mom raised me while my mom was off doing whatever. When it was her turn to have me she wouldn’t be there so the courts had worked out that instead my grandparents on moms side got me every other weekend. If my mom showed up then good if not I had grandparents house full of love with aunts uncle cousins ect.
My advice would be to see if u can just set it up where his parents get that time instead of him and if he shows up that’s ok and if he doesn’t then she has the grandparents at least
Well if he isn’t coming for visits he’s violating the court order and therefore you don’t have to send her for visitation. My EX hasn’t ever followed the supervised visits then expected to get my son one weekend a month. Nope! He’s had NO contact since March 2020 now nor does he pay child support.
To avoid hurting her, I’d avoid telling her it’s dad’s weekend. If that’s how he wants to be then let him, document all of it, take it back to court. The main priority shouldn’t be holding him accountable, it should be preserving your child’s feelings. That’s how I’ve come to look at it.
Sounds like he is only keeping his rights for his parents. He isnt interested in being a dad, but his parents want to be grandparents.
Lawyer and adoption!
He sounds like a deadbeat, I’d stop expecting anything from him and just try to have a nice life as much as you can
Document, document, document… you may need the info later to prove he is choosing not to have a relationship with his child. You cannot force him to value his time with his child. You are only responsible for providing the opportunity for him to see his child. You can, if you want, offer his visitation to his extended family if he doesn’t show up. But you have to give him the opportunity to show each time regardless
There’s nothing you can do except always be there for your daughter. It is very sad that this the way it is. Just shower her with love.
One day her dad will wish he had taken time but, it will most likely be to late to build a relationship with her. It is his loss.
If he’s not paying child support then demand he either pay child support or sign his rights away then have your husband adopt her but also don’t take her other grandparents away from her
What do you mean by present?
Have her tell him how she feels and go from there.
This is tough. You don’t want to prevent the relationship with the grandparents. You can’t make him be a father. You can’t force him to sign over rights. Talk to a lawyer. See what your options are. Maybe you can get a 3rd party supervisor like a counselor. But you need to allow the grandparent relationship as well.
Could you ask the courts for them to have therapy visits? Then a therapist would basically facilitate the visits and help them bond. He would have to be willing to go though.
If he misses his visits then he misses them. I wouldn’t accommodate anything for him. Your daughter doesn’t care much if he’s in the picture so I don’t think she’s sad when he doesn’t show up, maybe just view it as hee visiting her grandparents and sometimes he’s a surprise guest. From the sounds of it you’ll continue to have visits with grandparents even if he signs over rights. Don’t try to force him to be in her life. A parents love can’t be forced.
File for abandonment… 
he isn’t around anyways. Document everything. Have his parental rights to her taken and let your husband adopt her.
I’d just leave it as is. You can’t take his rights away if he won’t agree, she gets to spend time with her grandparents on those weekends, and they seem like lovely people and take care of her properly. I wouldn’t want to take any time away from them as they seem to enjoy spending time with her. Let him F*** off and let the grandparents have these memories with her. He will regret it one day, and in a few years she will tell him off herself and he will be hurt.
If she loves and is happy seeing her Grandparents, let her continue seeing them on scheduled weekends. Don’t say she is going to dad’s. Say Grandma and Grandpa want to hang out. Kiddos need all the healthy relationships family can offer.
I used to constantly beg and send long messages and stress myself out. And now I stopped and I just let the kids figure it out and if he doesn’t show Thats on him and him alone to explain. He wants to argue I have started telling him he can speak to an attorney because I’m done arguing over crap when he knows he is never around and the kids are the ones figuring this out for themselves. (He sees them on his own accord 2 times a year.) I encourage them to love him snd see him but other than that I don’t expect anything from him.
Let me tell you it’s so much easier and stress free. One day your daughter won’t have to deal with him and at a certain age you can’t force her to go so.
He can try to involve police but as long as she tells them she doesn’t want to go she won’t have to. He can take it to court snd this is where your documentation comes to play.
Now I’m all for fathers rights for those who are actually fighting and want to be apart of their kids’ lives. Sadly men like my ex and yours are what make it hard for the ones actually fighting. My husband had to go through 10’s of thousands of dollars just to get equal custody. And if my ex came up today and asked I’d say let’s go get this paperwork signed by a judge and get child support removed. He’s only on child support because he doesn’t see them but twice a year.
Gotta go by court orders. Document how his visits with her go. Maybe one day you can use all those notes and things could change from how they are now.
Okay, when you say he chooses “not to get his daughter”, on for his “supervised” visits on Saturday and on Sunday you literally have no idea what it is like to be the other parent.
I have seen parents give up their rights all the way around bc they have no time with the child. Period. In those supervised visits, there’s always someone who honestly interrupts, intervenes, always talking and typing, and so on that You Do Not get actual good “quality” time with the kid.
So I honestly get why he sometimes doesn’t stay.
Have you ever sat in there or had the experience he does?
I’m not saying he’s not at fault. Obviously something happened to where it’s like that, but put yourself in his shoes when it comes to the visits. Heck, we were told to tell the people they couldn’t tell their children that they would see them later, can’t wait to spend time with you, or anything. And that was always so sad.
Just document it, or have the actual facility ask him what the issue is. And the way you explained is like he has been doing it for a while, so maybe he’s tired of it there.
Document everything and don’t push it. My ex husband only has supervised visits and has yet to schedule one and been divorced for 4 years! He chooses other things over his kids…his loss! Hugs to you and your kiddo.
You can’t take his rights alway just because he is not consistent. That is her other family also! Not just her dad! You sound a little controlling and bitter. Let it go
2 sides to every story. Parental alienation is child abuse.
First off, you are not obligated to allot him to make up parenting time that he voluntarily dismissed.
Secondly, all you can really do is be there to help pick up her pieces. Allow her to form her own opinion of him, she’ll do a good job based upon what she observes for herself and how his actions make her feel. You can’t force him to be a father, neither than the courts. You could, however, petition the courts to terminate his rights- but they generally won’t do that unless you have someone standing up willing to adopt her beforehand & it takes a lot of work to get rights stripped, unfortunately.
Can’t make someone change so leave it as it is and stop taking the daughter to the visits and just be thankful you some type of support with his parents
I don’t know how to read this. It’s his right not to sign his rights away and you may want to not influence your daughter against him. Talking about she doesn’t like him and wants the stepdad to adopt her. Yeah you putting that ish in her head.
He blew his kid off for the beach and wants to make time up? No. Clearly priorities are messed up. This wasn’t work or something.
Just let him take his self out of her life especially if she does not like him
Document everything from when he calls/text, if he even wants to talk to her over the phone. You need to print out or buy a calendar for the next 12 months & write the days/weekends he is supposed to have her. Do not switch weekends to accommodate his schedule (unless it’s for work). Don’t tell him that though. He knows when he is to have her & if he misses then he misses. Yes, let the grandparents use his visits. If you switch every other holiday make sure it’s on the calendar & if he isn’t present at least ask the grandparents if they would like to come over for that holiday but I wouldn’t send her if I didn’t want to. If you have everything documented for a year or maybe a little longer then you can take him back to court & he can loose his rights for visitation and/or his rights to her all together. If she has a program at school give him a 48 hour notice so he can come if he wants. Never tell your daughter that he has been invited to anything bc if she thinks he might be there it will crush her even more if he’s not. This is not an easy task to go through & I’ve been there. I lost my daughter to my ex bc he was an attorney & did everything he could to take me back to court until I had no more money to fight & he eventually won. I never missed 1 visit & I called her everyday. She moved back in with me when she was old enough to tell the judge where she wanted to live. Prayers for you & her!! It’s hard but now she is 28 so I don’t have to go through that anymore. You’ve got this Momma!
Have you thought of setting up visits at a visitation center?
I understand grandparents are wonderful and involved, but the visitation centers track when the parent shows up or doesn’t and reports that back to the courts. It’s really effective that way.
It costs a little bit of money, but it’s worth it if he’s continually not showing up so it’s easier for you to change things if you need to.
Just a thought on another option.
Otherwise, it’s his loss. My kids’ dad was doing this during covid. They stayed with my full time and I never told him he couldn’t see them even once. But he still only showed up a fraction of the time and then stayed for a very little time. It broke my heart to see them so defeated when he’d leave early for dumb reasons (gym, moody, etc). So I’d be there to do a movie night or go to the park or make something special for them and show them that no matter what, I love them and care about them. I can’t control their dad, but they are loved 1000%
I would document everything and if the grandparents are involved let them spend time with her.
Don’t let him make up time he choose to not come. I wouldn’t even try just let her grandparents step up no issues
My youngest daughter is 8. Her “father” was inconsistent in her life when we were married and has only seen her a handful of times since we separated 5 years ago. He hasn’t seen her at all in the last 3 years. My husband and I petitioned the court to strip his rights since he didn’t wanna take advantage of his rights and wouldn’t willingly give them up. My husband is her dad and she knows it. Depending on where you are, document everything and petition the courts to terminate his rights. That opens the door for your husband to legally adopt. My daughter already knows who her dad is… we have had a conversation about how the ones that make you, mother or father, aren’t necessarily your parent. Your parent is the one who loves you, protects you, provides for you etc. I also get the peace of mind of knowing that if anything happens to me, she will still have a parent who loves her, cares for her and will be there for her.
I would let it go if he doesn’t show its on him document it all so he doesn’t blame you for him being a deadbeat
Maybe he won’t sign away his rights because of his parents. Love is love. Make sure his parents that no matter what they are always welcomed in her life.
She. Will. Grow. Up. And. See. The. Truth
My daughter is also 8. She sees her dad every other weekend and still talks about how much she hates him and wishes my husband would adopt her. I know how much it hurts to hear that so I sympathize with you. Honestly I wish he would just leave. My daughter hates him and is still forced to see him every other weekend. He’s so mean and hard on her. It breaks my heart.
Well my advice is let his parents be in her life. STOP TRYING TO EVEN CONTACT HIM. He obviously doesn’t care n I’m sure if u let it be ur daughter can still have her step dad ur husband. Tell her she is blessed with 2 daddy’s. I would just show her she’s loved by many n her real dad loves her he just not ready to step up
My son is nine and he is growing up to see the truth about his dad who is now having another child and has rarely no time for my son just wait and let it fan out like what I’m doing I have full custody of my son and he has visitations and doesn’t abide and my son doesn’t even care anymore to call him nothing
Quit worrying about her biological dad . He is the one missing out . I’d continue to allow his folks see your child - they should not have to suffer because of their lousy son . When your child grows up , she most likely won’t be close to him at all . Sadly , I know of what I speak . But , my in laws were an amazing help and helped me raise my kids ! I was blessed to be in their lives as their only DIL until their deaths - even though their son and I were divorced. They financially provided for us but most of all , they stood behind me
And physically did so much to help my kids !
Write a record of everything then go back to court take his rights away but make clear that ur not stopping anyone from seeing her (including dad) (actually ask for that his parents get to see her) you just don’t want to upset ur daughter anymore x
u have to make her available per court order…she knows who is there for her
All I can say is good luck. My kids sperm donor hasn’t been apart of their life since my twins were 6 months(now 4) and the courts still want to give him custody. He is now on the run from a domestic in another state and harassment charges and on the run from our state from a warrant and in contempt of court. He had court ordered visitations and never showed they still wanted to give him custody. My fiance has been the only “dad” my daughter’s know and only “dad” to my boys for almost 4 years now. Needless to say I’m finally taking him back to court. Best of luck mama
Get her a guardian ad litum. You can ask the courts for one. They speak on your child’s behalf in court until 14(depending on state) when they can speak for themselves.
I am literally in the same situation except my daughter is 12. My husband of almost 9 years has been her dad. Her “real” dad can’t keep a job, lives with his parents, has never had any kind of relationship with her or made any effort to be any kind of parent to her. He doesn’t even call her on her birthday. When my daughter goes to their house, she doesn’t even see him bc he’s up in his room. The judge still insists on giving him parenting time and sharing legal custody which is bullshit since he doesn’t even know her enough to make any kind of legal decision for her. I’m at a loss, he won’t sign off and doesn’t even pay his damn child support either.
Well good news at the very least for your daughter is at least where I live at 14 you can take her to sign papers where she doesn’t have to see him if she doesn’t want to
They won’t “let him” sign rights away. That’s not even close to being easy. The court and you cannot force him to utilize his time. If he fails to use his time, it’s on him. You don’t have to make it up. However if you want him to spend time with her and it doesn’t put you out any, I’d make it up for her sake. You ne er want your daughter to feel like you prevented him from being in her life and you definitely don’t want her to grow up feeling unwanted and not good enough.
Go and file contempt charges ever time he misses. Eventually you’ll be able to prove he doesn’t care and the court will allow you to take his rights so your husband can adopt her.
Maybe try to petition the court to strip his rights
Maybe he loves his children but just doesn’t want to spend “x-amount” of hours of supervised time with them … you can’t MAKE anybody want to spend time with you or your children … as long as he is sending his share of the support …???
You can actually TERMINATE his visitations if he does not exercise his COURT ORDERED visits. That’s what I did with my X husband and got granted full physical custody…and I believe if after 3yrs he has not tried to visit/contact his daughter you can start the process to TERMINATE his rights under ABANDONMENT. Check with you local county or even consult a lawyer…
I just wouldn’t worry about it. Let his parents continue to see her. They love her and want a relationship. In a few more years a judge won’t force it simply because he didn’t make an effort and she will be old enough to legally speak for herself on the matter.
Sometimes it’s hard for a father to have supervised visitations. They can’t be themselves. I’m sure him and is daughter would have a better relationship if he was able to take her somewhere just him and her.
Go back to court. Theyll revoke his visits if he doesnt show up to them and if you can prove it
It is important not to push our daughters into loving toxic masculinity. She is better off understanding her dad could make better choices and that she is just fine without a man who can’t be present for her. You have to pick up all the slack and move on. Show her what it is to love yourself and respect yourself. Instead of dealing with his no shows or half shows, get her to a therapist so she doesn’t choose a man like him in the future.
The in laws sound great. I wouldn’t spend time trying to make a bond with a person not interested. It just causes heartache. Live your life …I wouldn’t bother saying anything one way or another about her biological dad. You never know…one day as your daughter gets older,she may want some kind of relationship with him. Fill his planned days with other plans.He may decide to grow up one day. Maybe not. Either way, to seem upset he’s not interested only leaves your daughter in turmoil emotionally .
I’d stop the visitation and have an adoption ceremony. Until it can become legal, live as though your husband is her father.
His choice. Same with my grandsons. He see the grandparents. They just discovered they have another dad. She has a good male figure in her life. That’s what is important. Some day maybe they will reconnect. She’s not losing anything
I don’t understand why some people so hype to have parents sign rights away. That is just a paper and even if he did sign them once she’s old enough she will blame u. She will know thats still her father. If he signs then there goes the grand parents. Just do your part and leave it be. She will grow up and know your husband was a “dad” to her. A paper is just that a paper. Just because u say that’s not your dad anymore doesn’t make it that. If he is involved even a little it’s something. No it’s not “right” but there’s plenty of parents out there that wish the other parent was giving that little bit of effort he is. Just keep being the mom and hubby can keep being the step dad. The fact the grandparents are so involved is enough.
I would talk to his parents about petitioning that they get his visitation time. That way your daughter can spend some extra time with her grandparents and isn’t disappointed when her father doesn’t show up. If he wants to see her then he can visit her at his parents home.
You don’t really need him to sign his rights away if his not even going to show up for visitations you just keep going with your life and forget about him. Seems to me your daughter has made her choice as well.
Get a lawyer and have your husband adopt her. It will force your ex out. It maybe a fight but worth it. Also if your ex doesn’t take his time with her when given it’s not your responsibility to let him make it up.
Why have him sign away his rights? I don’t understand that. Especially if his parents are good to her and involved. Can he see her with his parents for a while to build trust?
File contempt charges when he misses. He’ll get tired of court costs.
As for his rights, I’d wait. At least until she can tell the judge how she feels. Usually that’s 10-13.
You can’t make them love there child just love her though it all she’ll be fine mine were
Make sure all is documented and take it back to court and stop all visitations and contact with him. He obviously doesn’t care and your daughter sounds like she would be better off without seeing him
She does love her dad and has told you so. I have an 8 year old who doesn’t have a relationship with her father, but has a dad she adores. She finally met her father this summer and I had to reassure her that in no way does this change her relationship with her dad. Don’t force this. Maintain the relationship with his parents and keep it moving.
All I will say is document it all with time stamps and length of visits. Show to courts
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is never present for visitation with our daughter, what can I do?
Keep a detailed notebook with times and dates recording when and how long he shows up and how his interactions were, it’ll provide a more credible proof of character to the judge if you try to get full custody or adjust child support
File to have the visitation lessened or even stopped. Just make sure you have documents of every time of happened
Not giving up his parental rights is due to his parents, is my guess.
No make up time is obligated under normal circumstances, and once you open that door it’s a tuff one “to close” & you are then at “his mercy…” making your life unnecessarily challenging.
There’s nothing you can do. If he wanted to step up and be a father, you wouldn’t have to force it. I know this firsthand. My daughters father hasn’t seen her in 7 years now…only calls a couple of times a year and isn’t consistent in his child support payments. I used to make excuses for him to my child…your daddy is working and other lies. I no longer make excuses for his negligence. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but the older that she’s gotten the less she seems to care…doesn’t even call him ‘Daddy’…uses his first name. I know deep down it hurts her, but I ALWAYS reassure her that it has nothing to do with her…that she hasn’t done anything wrong…it’s allllll him. I tell her how much I love her and that I’ll NEVER leave her. That’s all I can do!
You don’t need to do anything. She will make her own decisions. She’ll see him for what he is. Don’t talk bad about him don’t put him down in front of her just let her figure it out for herself and she will. Let the grandparents love on her and have a relationship with her that’s very important too. I went through this with my sons father I tried everything to make up for it but in all reality you can’t. You be you and let him be him and let the grandparents love your daughter.
Just write it all down but you can’t force him to be a dad when he clearly does not. I have the same issue with my sons father.
Just be the parent you need to be, show her you’ll be there even when her father isn’t, that’s what matters
seems he doesn’t care anyway if you take full custody. I hope you’d still be in contact with the grandparents since they show the love he doesn’t. No kid should be forced to visit with someone who they don’t like and doesn’t care about them. Forcing anything on him is only to drive him further away. Do not step up
on anything he should be doing. He is a grown man and can figure it out.
Can you work something out in court with his parents so she can be around them since it sounds like they care alot about their grandchild? I would def go back to court and state everything you just said here and that your 8 year old is saying she don’t wanna be around him, and write down the days he don’t visit with her but instead goes out, also not sure if you have one but I’d consult with a lawyer like legal aid of some sort to help you.
Do your part per court orders. Follow them to a T. Be honest with her (as much as you can for her age of course). Later she’ll appreciate you trying to nurture a relationship with her dad and will be able to make her own decision abt him being in her life. Keep records as well. When he shows or doesn’t, the excuses given, etc. When you go back to court it’ll show your effort vs his. If his parents are involved and you trust them, let them be there for her as much as possible. They’ll help you have breaks and give her extra love and support in life. This stuff is almost always difficult. Just do your best!
I’d take him back to court but with proof and then have them come up with another plan. But if he doesn’t have interest you can’t force it. She probably doesn’t like him bc she’s hurt that he’s never there
Absolutely do not allow him to “make time up”. That’s just opening a whole other can of worms. Document every conversation, visit, if he showed or not, how long he stayed if he did, what their interaction was, etc. Make him text you. No calls unless you can legally record those conversations in your state or you make clear the conversation is being recorded. Ask the courts at what age your daughter will have a say and when she’s at that age go back to court and ask for termination of his parental rights so she can be adopted by your husband. This is so that if, God forbid, anything should happen to you, your child can live w/ the person she considers her father instead of the bio dad who doesn’t seem to take his part as such very seriously.
Please dont force her to live him. She feels the way she feels because of HIS actions. Its the natural consequences of his behavior. Just let nature run its course. If he shows up he does…if he leaves early he leaves early. Eventually he may not show up at all and she may not care anymore. But dont let a fire ignite over this…
Ask the judge to terminate his rights and keep an open adoption with the grand parents…
Ask the courts to terminate he’s rights and provide evidence that he has not seen her or makes excuses when he’s supposed to see her.