My ex is partying with my son around, what can I do?

I have a protective order against my child's dad due to him putting his hands on me. Well people were telling me he was posting videos on social media drinking and doing not sure what else while my son was asleep on the couch. So I go over there to get my son out of that situation and his dad called the police on me since I have the protective order. I left before the police got there because I dont know if I'd get in trouble. Could that go against me? If he is doing those things with my son there I dont want to let my child go over there for a while. My son was sleeping on the couch at 3 in the morning when he has his own bedroom to sleep in. On top of that I didn't get my son until the next afternoon because I had to work and my child came home hungry saying he hadn't eaten.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is partying with my son around, what can I do?

Yes. You can get in trouble for breaking the PO. You should have called the cops and had them do a welfare check.

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Make sure you screenshot or save all videos of what was goimg on

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There’s nothing u can do ppl have rights

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I live in South Dakota. I had a protection order against my ex, we don’t have any kids, but in court the judges exact words to him were “even if she reaches out to you, do not answer or respond because you are the one that will get in trouble.”

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And also get used to different rules it’s of course going to be like that if u break up

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Keep the screen shots you were sent. Next time call the non emergency police number and tell them you fear for your sons safety. They will do a welfare check and get cps involved if it’s bad.

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Yes. You can get in trouble for breaking it. If you were so concerned for your son’s well-being, you should have called the police for a welfare check. It looks even worse because you bailed before police came.

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You better have proof of video and you send the police for a welfare check you will go to jail for violating a restraining order and you still very well could

It’s not illegal for him to drink with his kid there just saying also my 5 year old has her own room and a comfortable bed and guess where she sleeps at every night my couch why idk but she chooses that so sorry there was no reason for u to go over there as nothing u stated says he was unsafe as for the acting like he was starving yeah kids do that sometimes my kid has days where she cant get enough to eat

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Do you have legal custody papers in place? If so most state of you think your child is endangered then you add a parent should not allow your child over there because of something happens to your child and you knowingly let them go knowing he’s neglected then you can get in trouble also. It’s a slippery slope. Best of luck :crossed_fingers:

My kid wouldn’t be going back

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Maria Sosa follow this page

Typically, the protective order is placed to protect the victim in DV cases from the defendant. (Depending on the state of course). I too, am going through the same thing. The police told him even If I do reach out, he is not to at all.

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Unfortunately it could effect the order if he had proof they could revoke it. Poor kiddo, next time maybe call for the police to do a welfare check if it’s super serious otherwise he gets to parent how he wants basically. It sucks though.

Unfortunately we can’t really control the other parent’s every move even while they have our children, bit when in doubt call the police and have them do a welfare check. But I wouldn’t do this willy nilly because the courts don’t like that either.

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It’s not illegal for him to drink while your son is asleep… it’s not even illegal for him to drink while he’s awake. I’ve had a couple friends over and had drinks with my husband while our son was sleeping. It’s not really a horrible situation that your son is being put in to be quite honest. And when he’s at his fathers house unfortunately you don’t have say in what goes on. He’s his parent just as much as you are. Unless there’s neglect and or abuse going on then there’s nothing you can really do.

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I suggest you post on Legal Talk SA on fb for legal advice.

Drinking is legal. Your friends are totally for the drama and so are you….you’re speculating at this point. He had every right to call the cops.

My only issue was the kid saying he’s hungry. Sleeping on the couch is what kids do sometimes.

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Having a few drinks isn’t against the law while you have your kids I’ve done it, but being totally wasted to the point you can’t handle yourself or wouldn’t be able to handle an emergency situation if it happened is another story or using illegal drugs so I think more context is needed.

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Don’t get advice from social media…get a solicitor or talk to the police and get some court orders.

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Save the photos and get a protective order for your son too.

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Having an alcoholic drink as your child sleeps is not necessarily child endangerment/ neglect/ abuse, and as long as the child is sleeping comfortably and safely, I don’t think they’re required to be in a bed. However, if you have proof of excessive substance abuse, that is endangerment.

Yes you could get in trouble for going to his place with a protection order against him. Also if there’s a court order that it was his weekend n u went n got your son he could file something with the courts about you interrupting his parenting time. Also a lot of kids will say they’re hungry or hadn’t eaten heck my kid still does that at 13 even after eating a whole meal with his grandma at a restaurant and he’ll come home n say he hadn’t eaten n hungry. Next time I suggest you wait till court house opens n file something with the courts abt this. It’s NOT illegal to drink but if it was drugs like meth crack etc then I suggest you ask courts to get a hair follicle test from him

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Next time, contact your local police department. In the meantime, show the videos to your lawyer and request a new court date for visitation.

If you can afford a private investigator hire one to see how drunk he is or if he’s using drugs and how impaired he is. Drinking while baby is sleeping on the couch (where he can be watched) isn’t enough to get the courts to do anything.

When you think about it, it’s actually safer to have your kid sleeping were you can see them when you have people over…

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Next time, call the police and have them escort you over there. This way it is not a violation.

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Personally I d go to court and have visitation stopped for the child s safety.

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You can petition to add your son to the protective order as well

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Next time call the police and ask for a welfare check. A parent cannot be inebriated past the point of being able to drive while in care of a child if there is no other adult who is able to drive. In case of an emergency they are not found competent. CPS will Yank A Child for that.

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Document EVERYTHING!! Screenshot and print texts, get the videos, get all you can to prepare for court and ask for a ppo for child on dad. Send welfare check from police if need be or if you must call cps and show them all the evidence

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How is that harming the kid ? I have people over & “party” with my daughter with me.

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Show the police the video

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Have the cops come with you next time but like you violated that order so idk how it would be handled. They probably wouldn’t take you seriously since you’re the one who violated it and got it. But like Omg I have a few drinks when my kids are asleep :face_with_hand_over_mouth::face_with_hand_over_mouth: someone call cps on me. No but seriously, my kids get dinner, shower and bedtime and then I have a few drinks when they are asleep. I’ll also add that my 2 year sometimes falls asleep in his floor even though he has a perfect bed. Also if you have the order against HIM, idk if you could get in trouble but you violating that is frowned upon.

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I see a lot of comments but not a lot answering a specific question you asked. Can I get in trouble? Depending on the stare and county yes. If you have an order of protection and then choose not to listen to it, regardless of the circumstance you can be held accountable. Order of protection means just that.

Next time, call the non emergency number if your conferenced. He said she said doesn’t look good with the courts.

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Did you save a copy of the recording?

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Ain’t no one gonna party in front of my kids. I came from a family of alcoholics and don’t want that for my kids. Say shit all ya want but no one drinks in front of my kids. I don’t care how much it is. You want to drink then save it for when they aren’t there.

Get the videos, watch them and make sure you see what you’re being told. And then call the cops yourself, this way you have proof, it will be put on record should any other issues come up, and your not jeopardizing your court order

Show judge the video

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Save any recording of it even on social media. I would have called the police to report the event as for posts & get them to come see you & send one to see him & he can not have your son at all anymore

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He has a protective order against u not your son .
It’s not against the law for few friends to be over or what ever . I cN see if it was a wild party than I get why u would be up set .
But maybe y0ur son fell asleep and he didnt qant to wake him and just left him be ? I dont see the exact issue …
Than u begin to not pick at the fact hes not in his room but on the couch .
I let my kids sleep on the couch that dont make me a bad mom .
I have had a few drinks with some friends wit some music having a good time being mature adults that dont make me a bad mom either .
8 can understand your worried but it sounds like your trying to control how he has his time and how he parents . And going there at 3 am to wake up your son u look bat shit crazy pRdon my language and no disrespect intended but hes not doing anything wrong especially since police showed up at his house at 3 am …
U cant control the dads time with his son if he messes up than that’s on him but u lost that right along time ago when u split . Co parenting isnt controlling a situation and because u dpnt like it and it makes u feel uneasy it’s about what’s right for your son not what ever adult crap u have going in with him … and the people around should keep watch but u and whom ever is messaging u with these things look like stalkers .

Hire a lawyer!!! They are expensive but after you tell them what’s going on…they will tell you what you can do. Also save those videos he posted online and take notes of what happened when you got your child back so you can have proof.

You should have called the police first.

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Yes you can get in trouble

Call cps. Keep all evidence on your phone. He sounds like he wouldn’t fight anyways. He ain’t grown up yet.

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Child welfare check from the police

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Whether he was drinking/partying atleast said child was sleeping. Also, most order of protection also means no 3rd party. If other people are coming too you with stuff is that because you have other people on standby too watch his social media account?
Its not against the law for any parent too drink and a cop will even tell you that.

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Also, to add in… my 6 year old has her own bedroom all decorated too her liking with unicorns yet she chooses too sleep on the couch. It’s what kids do sometimes.

My brother has full custody of his kids and his kids go too their moms every other weekend and acts like their always starving when they literally eat all the time at my brother’s house.

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Call the police out there for a wellness check. Also if you wanted to know about your protection order I know someone that did the same thing she got a protection order on her ex he kept violating it I do believe he got in trouble. I live in Indiana so does she. So yes I would look into asking an officer and talk about what you have seen and was trying to check on your child but I have a protection order so if I went over there to check on my child would I get into trouble. Something like that

In trouble??? More like arrested! You have a P/O against him which means you and he both must stay away (usually 500 ft) from each other. Btw drinking beer around your child and he sleeping on a couch is not against the law in any State! If you feel he’s doing drugs around the baby call the police do not go back to his home…

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Yeah that’s wrong and I don’t blame you, I would’ve stayed and let the cops know what was going on. I know they would’ve excused that so you could’ve gotten your son out of that situation.

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I wouldn’t have left without my child if I felt he was in danger.

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Of course that goes against you are you nuts? You should have called the police if you were that concerned. You were that concerned about the child that you left when you realized they were coming :rofl::woman_facepalming:. You should have went to family court the following day. Now you look ridiculous!

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Its not illegal to have a drink when you have your child especially if they’re asleep. As far as sleeping on the couch goes, my kids have some super nice bunk beds that I spent $400 on and neither of them will sleep in their room. They refuse to lol they sleep on our sectional every night bc there’s a window in their room and they don’t like it. They’re scared of their room ever since the dvd player broke even though our living room doesn’t have a TV cuz they broke the 65 inch flat screen 3 weeks after we got it. Kids are weird. I think it was a serious over reaction heading over there bc you saw a video of him with a drink while your child was safe and asleep. As far as the OP goes, you went over there so he could use that in court and it could get dropped

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Yes you could have gotten in trouble you should have called police they would have gone over there and helped get your son if visitation is court order take videos and go back to court

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All you saying she could get in trouble like the cops ever really give a fuck about protection orders :roll_eyes::roll_eyes::roll_eyes:

Well can’t of been that worried if you went to work

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What do you mean “people were telling you”? Did you see it? That’s what the court is going to ask you. They are going to want you to show them that your son was in fact in danger. You’re going to have to prove why you went against the order

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I would have called the police and had them accompany me over there to do a well check on your son.

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Do you have an attorney?

Yes that can get you in trouble and yes he can use that against you in court. Next time just call the police to do a well check

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U cannot go against a protective order just as he cannot. Idk what partying means but U would need proof of it all, if he’s drinking well that’s legal unless u make it clear in the custodial papers. Hearsay won’t hold up in court either unless they give u proof to back it up

You broke a restraining order going over there you would have been arrested

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is partying with my son around, what can I do?

The next time your son goes with his father, just ring your local police department or the one closest to him, say there’s a protective order ect, and say that you have been told from a good source that your son is around that sort of environment and you would like a welfare check done. The police will go and personally look and speak with your son, ask him if he is happy and safe or if wants there help. Unless you have a protective order with your child on it saying the father can’t drink alcohol ect while in the presence of your child then I think yes you may get into trouble for approaching him yourself. It’s best to always think before you do, you don’t want anything to interfere with custody ect

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In this instance, I would’ve involved police or similar rather than take it into your own hands. Plus you will then have it recorded down too incase or anything in the future.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is partying with my son around, what can I do?

If you voluntarily go to see your abuser that you have a protection order on, a judge may dismiss it. Be sure to document all of the behavior and take it to court. It would be up to the courts to decide if they are a reckless endangerment while under the influence to the child. If you fear for yours and the child’s safety, get a police escort. And again document any interaction.

And for those defending the abuser… do better. There is a difference between having a drink, and an abuser who more than likely has shown abusive tendencies while under the influence (most do) while they are supposed to be the responsible adult in the house watching their child.

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Please do NOT tell this person she can’t get into trouble for violating a protective order that she placed!

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Tell “that people” to mind THEIR OWN business. Doubt your ex would be posting or allowing others to post things on social media that clearly shows your child in a dangerous situation. Your child might have been chilling with his dad and dads friends and friends kids and fell asleep on the couch. It would have been a different story if he was locked in his room while his dad partied the night away not even checking on him. You’re being petty, the police should have removed your ass from his home, if you really felt your child was in danger you wouldn’t have left without him!!! You seem bitter, move on!

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Have the cops come with you next time but like you violated that order so idk how it would be handled. They probably wouldn’t take you seriously since you’re the one who violated it and got it. But like Omg I have a few drinks when my kids are asleep :face_with_hand_over_mouth::face_with_hand_over_mouth: someone call cps on me. No but seriously, my kids get dinner, shower and bedtime and then I have a few drinks when they are asleep. I’ll also add that my 2 year sometimes falls asleep in his floor even though he has a perfect bed. Also if you have the order against HIM, idk if you could get in trouble but you violating that is frowned upon.

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If you break the order yes you can be charged. Call for welfare check and explain they will handle it.

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There is a distance you have to keep between you guys and if you violate that your restraining order can get taken away. I would have called the cops and went with them saying your distance and wait to see what they say just incase you are able to take him home. I have similar experience and I have full physical and sole custody. You need to be very careful with the boundaries between you two.

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You cannot get in trouble if you “violated” that protection order since it’s for your safety. He would be the only one to get in trouble. It’s frowned upon if you have a protection order and you contact the person or are around them however in this case it’s a total different situation. If this were to happen again you should contact the police and tell them you have and order and have them escort you to get your child out of an unsafe situation. Definitely get the police report from this incident and go back to family court to have your custody/visitation amended.

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a child sleeping on a couch is not child abuse - although it may not be what you would want it to be. you really need to be VERY very careful that you do not get arrested for breaking the restraining order - also, unless you can prove negligence, drinking is also not against the law. you can ask for a welfare check, but be careful not to abuse that either as a judge can use that against you as well. i work with victims of domestic violence and those restraining orders are extremely serious so please please please, be careful; your child could end up more permanently with the father than you want the child to be - and you cannot withhold the child from the father - that would go against a court order - please, think this through- best of luck

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Yes you can get in trouble for breaking the protective order. Often they will drop it since that makes it look like you aren’t that scared if you are willingly going over there alone. The things you say he is doing, yes aren’t pretty, but likely they won’t do anything about. They’re not seen as a big deal and if you withhold the child from him that will likely only backfire on you. I agree, no one should be drinking around their kids like that but unless abuse or something happens then nothing will be done.

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Idk how it would’ve went with the protective order but being drunk with no one sober around to watch the kid You should’ve called the cops yourself and they should’ve given you your Child for being around intoxicated people. Its not safe and if im correct a form of child endangerment. Drunk people get way outta hand. Anything can happen.

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If someone is drinking within their own home and there is no danger or violence he would not get in trouble anyways. People have family barbecues all the time and drink with children around. That isn’t against the law. If you were fearful for your child then you contact the police. He may have wanted to sleep on the couch regardless of having a room my children do it all the time. The child being hungry is the only red flag I got from this but you have to contact authorities. Also, cops can’t do anything because it’s a civil matter you will have to take it to court. If there is no visitation court ordered don’t allow him to go back without going to court.

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Next time call a wellness check in for your son.

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Crystal J Bradley i know everyone is saying dont make assumptions…but im pretty sure when she says “partying” and “drinking and DOING not sure what else” it seems to imply he was doing drugs. I mean he was DOING something, or she doesnt want to admit or elaborate exactly what…but Im pretty sure its not just drinking…also, again, she called it “partying” not “drinking” implying there was more around.
Ya its anonymous but I wouldn’t blast it all either.

I know a kid that constantly goes through this and have had to make him food or buy him pizza because his dad is too fucked up. Its really traumatic for the child. Not to mention, they are there to spend time with Dad. Have the child’s friends over, if anyone, so you can stay involved, or no one. And Why do you need to get banged up when your child is over when you don’t even have them full time? You have every other day to do that. Priorities.

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This is kinda ridiculous… he’s allowed to drink and have fun. Sounds like the child was ok, not being abused and who cares if he slept on the couch… not your business!!! And all those telling you all this also need to mind their own business.
Having drinks doesn’t equate to not being a good parent.
Smh.

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First off if you was that concerned you would have taken off work to get him the next morning. So obviously you weren’t that worried. Sounds like you just trying to be petty. Kids sleep on the couch or whatever when they with their other parent or even friends houses. It’s not neglect. He is allowed to drink, be loud and have friends over at his house whenever. Child was asleep and obviously fine enough for you not to worry and go to.work the next day. Rather than call the cops for a well ness check.

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  1. I think if he was doing anything too bad he wouldn’t have called the cops
  2. if the kid was asleep on the couch it must not have been too wild or it would have woke the kid
    I would require more info before I stormed over there and possibly could have gotten in trouble by the cops for the P.O
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Some of these comments are so immature and wreckless, I hope the OP is able to dig deeper than those and see what’s appropriate and what is not.

  • Your child should not be around partying.
  • Partying shouldn’t happen on dad’s visitation days.
  • Drinking and “not sure what else” while with a child are both out of line if the dad has a violent history
  • No child should come home hungry. That is significant enough to be able to get a cop to do a wellness check.
  • If you ever feel inclined to get your son out of a situation you feel is unhealthy, then you call 911 to get escorted there to get the son. They would not say no to doing that. It also documents the incident.
  • Start documenting when the child tells you he hasn’t been eating with dad. Otherwise, your words against his.
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Sometimes kids say they are hungry when they mean they want junk food. Hopefully that was the case. I don’t think think this alone would be enough to get a judge to sign off on his visitation rights even though it stinks that your ex is not working on his alcoholism. Document everything.

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Definitely call to have a wellness check the next time that happens. Or go back before a judge and have a different parenting plan established.

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If you have a protective order because he put his hands on you, I thought that it would also mean he couldn’t be around his child for a period of time too?! Years ago I had an order against my child’s father and when I did, he couldn’t be near me or my child.
What kind of party was it? Just because there’s some alcohol doesn’t mean it’s an unsafe environment for the child to be. I have family parties and there’s drinking but it’s casual, and not out of control.
If you suspect it’s a dangerous environment and your child isn’t being taken care of properly get a welfare check. If your ex is abusive, then get your child away from him. Get a hold of the videos, he was stupid enough to post online, you could of called the cops and had them go with you.

When my ex put his hands on me and I was finally able to get away with my daughter, I got the PFA to protect my daughter and myself. If you had enough ground to get it for yourself, it would’ve been in the best interest of your son to add him to it and to have supervised visits set in place. With that PFA, call the cops! From what I remember from having my PFA, there is to be no contact made on either side, even through third party (example: he can’t tell his dad to pass a message onto you). It is to protect you.

As for not wanting him to go over there, you have to be careful with that, especially if you have a legal arrangement for parenting time. You can get in trouble for what’s called parental interference. So if you have proof he was in danger, take it back to court. I’ve seen moms get arrested for keeping the kid from the dad with no substantial reason or proof as to why.

If you were that concerned about ur child’s safety you could have had.a.welfsre check done…there was no reason for you to go to his home particularly based on hear say when you have an order of protection against him!!!

As for you not wanting your.son over there…you have absolutely zero proof of anything!! Grow up kids need both parents

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Seriously?? Your son was asleep on the couch…not wide awake running wild. The adult wasn’t putting the child in harms way. MY PERSONAL OPINION is you over reacted . Unless your child was really in danger then you should have called the police and not have gone there.

Wow! Some of these comments!!! Yall are some nasty parents if you think its appropriate to be just be “partying” in front of your kids!! Chances are you don’t get the gravity of the situation. Some people DO NOT act right when they drink and children SHOULDN’T be exposed to that. If she has a protective order he must be a real piece of work and she probably had good reason to be concerned. SMDH

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Absolutely you can break the order and go to jail !! Find that video !! Ps if you don’t have a custody order parenting plan you don’t have to give dad any kind of visitation and if he takes you to court you have cause to with hold visitation

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My goodness, how old is your little boy? :frowning: So sorry he (and you) went through that…

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So are we not allowed to have a few drinks if our kids are home? Well shit didn’t know that :roll_eyes:
Also my son gets out of his perfectly good bed, and goes to sleep on the couch once I’m in bed, go figure
And my kids are always starving to death within 5 min of eating plate full of food,
He is the dad, you are the mum
Both obviously have different parenting styles BUT unless the kid is actually ABUSED I’d stay out of it

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Definitely call the cops. But if there is no custody agreement set in stone I would definitely not let him go back. But at this point I don’t know if I would send him. More than likely if you actually do have an agreement a cop won’t go by the papers they make you take it to court. I would do just that.

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If the father is partying with the child around and there is no other sober person there he could get in deep doodoo, but you knowing about it and not doing anything could get you in deep doodoo… I know this from first hand experience, my daughters dad partied while she was there, I knew about it, but thought since it was his parenting time I could do nothing about it… cps was called, she was removed from both our custody and I “neglected” her according to the state. I would get the police involved and have them either meet you there, or tell them the situation so they can help you. Make sure you are doing what’s best for the child :slight_smile:

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Your only going by here say tho why go away if he called the police if you were worried you should of stayed for your child I don’t think he call the police if they were doing something illegal seems like might be more to it

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Not really sure why the child was not included on the protective order as well. I’m not sure how you do pick up and drop off the I would definitely do a welfare check first then contact my attorney