Stop telling this woman to call the police… What is calling for??? Where the danger to the child… She can’t call for a wellness check either… You can’t weaponize the police and cps because y’all have a bad relationship… Nowhere is there proof the child was in danger… She didn’t see the videos herself… Shit like that will backfire…
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Talk to a lawyer or socail service worker
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My ex is partying with my son around, what can I do?
Document document document with photos, with time and date stamps. Yes call police and ask for a welfare check on your child but tell them you don’t want your name mentioned! You can always ask them to make a report.
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Usually protection orders cover the children as well, and if he was in an unsafe situation, you have every right to protect your child, get proof, and give that to your lawyer
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Next time call the police and have them do a well check on him that way they see it and its on file too
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That’s what the courts are for. Take videos of him when you get him. Hide it so it will pick up what he says. Be careful not to lead him if you use it in court
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I was told in court what happens on his dad’s time is none of my business. And the whole food/feeding thing they told me … Prove it. They won’t take a kids word for anything until the age of 14 here. Only thru a guardian ad litem. Don’t be like me and get a contempt charge by not letting the child go see his father. They look down on that. But what I did end up doing is calling the police and voicing my concerns for a “welfare check” on my son, which they did do for me. Hope this helps. This is my personal experience. Xoxo
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Be very careful. It may differ from
State to State. In some states you can get in a lot of trouble breaking a protective order you asked to have. I would go talk to a lawyer to find out what you can legally do. I wouldn’t waste any time either.
Take notes! Keep dates, times, and detailed notes. They should come in handy when you have to go back to court. Does the dad have visitation rights? I’m assuming he does or you wouldn’t be letting the dad have him. 
I would get a close close friend to do the videos. That way you can’t get in any trouble for breaking the protective order. Courts can be so funny about that. Maybe he wants you to break it, ya know. Cause courts are less likely to give you another one if you break it yourself.
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Was their several other people around drinking and partying. Or was the dad on social media having a beer ? If he was doing that, I would say he knew you would see an come running and break the PO. He could then call cops and get you in trouble.
I know in Louisiana yes ma’am you get in trouble for breaking that protective order. Honestly unless you have full custody with visitation only at your descretion you can not just show up and demand the child. Also having a few drinks while the child is asleep on the couch is not something you can really use against him because although I wouldn’t do it, its not illegal🤷 I would say though unless it’s excessive partying or illegal drug use bringing up a few drinks while the child is asleep is going to make you sound vindictive and petty. Also when our children were young my husbands ex could feed his boys and they would still claim they are starving as soon as we got them and visa versa. This is all just my opinion of course I do not know your situation.
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It depends on the state/wording of the order. Where I live, the PO would only be enforceable against him. Now he could call for a civil stand by, but you couldn’t have been charged criminally. I would poke around your state bar website or talk to an attorney and find out how things work in your state. Im sorry for your son.
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U can have a child welfare check. Call non emergency line and report what’s going on. Theu can send officer over there make sure child is not being harmed and has to be at least 1 person sober. But that’s here in GA. Idk what laws are in other states
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How old is your son?! A lot of parents party and the kids are just fine. And yes even though you got the order on him you can also be charged for breaching it. The order is protect you but it seems like you play god with it.
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The person who put the order in place isn’t violating! The order is on him not her!
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Yes you can get in trouble for breaking a protective order. You need to bring proof to the court that he is doing this. You can also call Child protective services when your son is there if he isn’t be looked after and fed properly.
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You’re probably going to get in trouble for violating the order. You should have called police to go do a welfare check. You need a lawyer and CPS involved. Good luck
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Trying to contact him by going to his place with an order of protection is not really fair regardless what you may interpret is going on. It puts everyone (including his child there witnessing all this) involved in a very bad situation and YOUR credibility is lost. Have someone else go over, such as police to do a wellness check or someone you trust. A lot of parents have some drinks and a lot of kids fall asleep on the coach. What he does on his time is his business. Unless it is causing direct harm to himself or others such as the child then just document for now.
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Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do. The system is flawed. You would get in trouble for violating the PO since you got it against him willingly going to his house. In my state the judge would be a sm@rt@$$ and say you must not be that afraid of him. If you have video proof of your son on the couch while him and friends are under the influence you can file contempt of court with your attorney. Per my states standard parenting clause it says you can’t be under the influence of any kind and protect the child to the fullest, so it’s grounds to file. Due to COVID the courts are backed up and you are looking at months to get in (took me 3 months to get in just for mediation). The eating situation is here say, most likely a judge would never put a young child on the stand. And your ex could make up stuff saying your child says about you. My attorney said proof of one time doesn’t constitute him losing visitation. Get you a notebook and start documenting everything. You can call and do a welfare check, the police are supposed to call you back and let you know. However, all they will do is physically look at the child and see he isn’t in any harm. They will not get into custody battles and remove him unless the child is in danger, most likely. Not the best news, and I hate it. The system is flawed on so many levels. Keep your head up, best of luck to you and your son!
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If it is the dad’s time and your son isn’t being hurt the courts could come for you for disobedience of a protective order. I was told when my daughters were younger that their father could party and take them where he wanted as long as they weren’t being abused.
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To me, if it’s because your child is in an unsafe situation there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my kids. The order is against HIM and swing as he came home hungry like that and there was a witness that his dad was partying like that then I would say for sure call it on him whether you sound petty or not. I don’t agree with that scare tactic. You go with your gut and protect your baby. I feel like telling a mom you’ll sound petty is wrong and scaring you away from being helpful to your child and I feel like your ex is just trying to scare you because he knows how much trouble he can get in if proven. I say call a d speak to someone about it and if it happens again call and send someone over. If my child hadn’t eaten I would be over the top pissed especially since it was because their dad was being irresponsible like that.
You can’t go by what people are telling you, it’s hearsay. See if you can find the video and watch it yourself, then determine if it needs to be given to your lawyer.
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yes this could go against you since you are there, Call the police or whatever child protective services in your town to report this. You stay away
Save the video and take him back to court, that’s child endangerment and neglect, especially if unfamiliar people can be seen as well
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Yeah taking back to court he’s putting your son in danger
Honestly I wouldn’t say anything about the drinking. You could get a judge that would say something in his favor
How old is your son?
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You shouldn’t post your personal life on the internet…If you want someone to talk to see a therapist or a friend…well mark out friend cause I learned the hard way on this who I thought was my friends turned out wasn’t they used me to gain …
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I’m so sorry your son experienced that, I’d be furious, I can’t imagine how you felt. You can use those videos as proof so I hope you are able to get a screen recording of it, best wishes 
Call cops for an immediate wellness check
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I was told I couldn’t do anything about my ex being a drunk or doing drugs around my child unless something happed to my child under his care. Soo you can’t do anything until something bad happens
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you need to let your attorney know and you can get his visitation removed temporarily for using alcohol and drugs around your child and there would be a hearing where a judge will make a new parenting plan decision or go from there with an investigation starting. Also not feeding him is neglect. They can have an emergency order done TODAY for this and a hearing put on the books.
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If you were so concerned that you went to his place , you would have stayed and waited for the police to get there or you would have taken your child. You have an order of protection against this man meaning you are afraid of him causing you bodily harm, but yet you’re not afraid to go confront him when he is partying, and leave when he says he’s going to call the police, and you are going by what someone else calls partying.
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Yes it 100 goes against the order you asked for. What happens at the other parents stays there unfortunately you’ll be punished for that one
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In MY state, you violating a PFA you have against somebody will not get you in trouble. The OTHER party however can get locked up for violation in any way. You can literally lie to the cops and tell them the person drove past your house and with zero proof you can get them brought up on charges. I know this cuz my ex just did this to me like the bit** pu**y he is. However what you should’ve done is gone there with cops or asked for a welfare check
If you have the order as the plaintiff- it does not go against you. Having a shared child also allows for contact between you two for the child. Call and send the cops next time.
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WOW! the misinformation on this thread. Read your order of protection. You’ll see that as long as youre the plantiff, it won’t go against you. however - you also couldn’t use that situation as a violation on his end as YOU went to him. (I mean, technically you could but most judges will just laugh at it)
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What!!! If you really felt like he was in danger then absolutely go get your baby!!! And i definitely feel that couch shit, buuuut kids fall asleep anywhere! I’d rather keep my baby home with me where she has all her shit! Again as long as he wasn’t in danger! But again if you felt like he was or you didn’t like what you saw fuck that restraining order! GO GET YOUR BABY!!!
Best to call the cops for a wellness check. Explain the situation and why you want it.
If you have proof then keep it! Take that shit to court if necessary! But if he’s a good dad and he happens to want a drink or drinks while the baby is there then that’s just what’s gonna happen! As far as the baby not eating and being hungry that’s a problem! Write everything down! Dates times etc. Just make sure you are doing things for the right reasons. Everything parents do or don’t do WILL AFFECT THE BABY!
Per a protection order, no one should be communicating his or your business to the other, you shouldn’t have even known this was happening.
And you can absolutely get in trouble for this AND the order dropped because you’re showing you don’t need it, the right thing to do would be inform police, they can help you get your child out of the situation if necessary.
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Tell the courts and you should have called the police to let them know so you could have gotten your son back.
You broke the order. A judge would see that as you not needing it… do you have a custody order? Is dad old enough to drink? There’s alot of factors here
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You need to go back to court and get full custody and tell the courts everything.
Op is for ur safety if u go near him that means ur not worried about ur safety around him so yes u will get in trouble and a judge isn’t going to listen to he said she said and if he was actually partying ur child wouldn’t be asleep my mom drank a 30 pack a day and would be passed out drunk and a judge still awarded her me drinking around ur child isn’t illegal and my kids tell me all the time they haven’t eaten when I know for a fact how much and when they eat don’t call cps because they will look at the both of u and that stays on u even if they didn’t find anything
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You can put a clause in your parenting plan and custody agreement no drinking or drugs around the kid. Doesnt mean they will follow it but at least its in place
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there is nothing can do. Even a judge will tell you that. And since you broke the order you could get in trouble. My ex does the same thing. And even drives with my kids. Not a thing I can do unless I catch him and call the law.
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You sound like a bitter baby mother
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It’s depends on the order. There have been situations where mom has one and calls dad to come talk so she can call on him for violating. Some mean neither can be around the other. It’s all about the order itself and how it is worded. Courts are either very specific or kinda umbrella term things. Definitely read it, ask your attorney or someone at the courthouse to explain it to you so you fully understand it.
If there are instances where your child is with him and you are unsure of how the order works you can always call for a welfare check and cops will go check on the child at his place without you having to leave or show up. If your child is determined to be in danger then they will remove your child from the situation.
who doesn’t have a drink around there kids once in awhile? maybe he was tired and dad didn’t want to wake him to bring him to bed this sounds so so dramatic for no reason at all
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Can we see the video? I assume you actually saw the video and it would help of we can also…
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Get a new order that includes your son. I had to include my children on the dvo and I wanted to. My ex was violent and I was awarded sole custody
Dont ask for legal advice on facebook…as you can see you wont get the right answer…perhaps talk an actual lawyer for your state.
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Not sure what state you’re in but if you have a protective order, you don’t have to let your son go over there. And usually those POs extend to the child as well. You need to do what you have to when it comes to protecting that baby. Three years ago my ex had custody and violently assaulted his wife and his mom leading to both of them, my son and myself to be under a protective order. Even though he had custody…he couldn’t come within 500 feet of us no matter where we were in the state. I would make sure that PO covers your child as well and keep him home for now.
Should’ve called the cops and explain that you need an escort & that you can’t JUST go in there and get your son because of the PO
If he’s over 21 he can drink around his kid and there’s not much you can do about it. You broke the order you could get in trouble. Next time ask your lawyer or guardian ad litum but only if you think there is real danger for the child, not just because the other parent is doing something you don’t agree with.
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You can’t break the protective order or you will get in trouble. You can however call the non emergency number and have them do a well check on your son but that may cause extra drama and IDK if you want DCF involved.
Should have called police to escort you
You need to have prof he’s negotiating your son. Sleeping on the couch it not something any judge would see as wrong. He probably fell asleep there and his dad didn’t want to move him. If dad was partying then why did your son not wake up? This looks very bad on you. You have a restraining order agent you and have people watching him and reporting back to you, that violates the order. You showing up violates the order. It’s not illegal to drink around your kid. If you picked up your kid in the afternoon then ya, he probably hungry because he hasn’t eaten lunch yet.
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Soooooo …you have spies on social media?? How does that make your days feel waiting for every little inside scoop?
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There is no law against, drinking around your kids. My ex did the same thing you are doing. Saying I shouldn’t drink around my kids or go out. Like I told him it doesn’t matter if I’m going out or etc. As long as my kids are taken care of, there’s nothing you can do
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I’ll give you an honest answer. Any address that is listed on that protective order is not somewhere you should go. If you go there you’ve violated the order. Regardless of who it’s against in court it’s held as a mutual agreement. Whoever your judge is will decide if the situation justified your actions. If you have no proof he was in danger, good luck. That’s just how it is. Gut feelings and social media posts don’t always hold up in court.
Source : I work in law enforcement
As far as I know In Missouri the order goes both ways you can also get in trouble. And I seen where someone said that it extends to the kids as well that’s not the case here. I had to file one on my husband and then had to go to family court for the one for my babies. Good luck to you.
Oh boy. You could go to jail for breaking a restraining order. Although you don’t like what he does in his home there is nothing you can do. What is the extent of the drinking? A few beers or a full blown out party with a bunch of people? You have no say on what goes on at his house. A judge will tell you that. My kids go to their dads every other weekend. He feeds them on the way to drop them off and they still immediately want food. When he says he hasn’t eaten does he mean recently or not at all? Kids are not always handy with the full truth especially when they want something.
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You broke your own protective order. Why would you just have an order for you and not your child? But U need to call the cops
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Looking for advice on facebook will only get you attention not any real legal advice!!! You get caught breaking that Order and youll be posted on some other facebook sights you mite not wanna be on…
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So u violate a protective order to go get your son because the situation he was in was that bad but can’t skip work or go in late in order to get your son? Sounds to me it wasn’t about your son but your own control issues.
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if someone is telling you he is posting videos of this, make sure they copy them somehow and give them to you so you can show a lawyer what is going on.
Document everything with dates and times.
Document document document!!
In rhat situation all you can do is call the police and gave a welfare check done. You absolutely can just go over there.
Been there, done that. You can violate your own protection order by going somewhere you know he is. When I had mine they designated a drop off pick up third neutral party so we never saw each other. My ex an abusive alcoholic was partying it up one day when he had the kids and a gun went off accidentally in the home right next to the children. My daughter was scared and called me and I called the police and DCF. Heres what they said: As long as there is 1 person over age 18 in the home below the legal limit for alcohol it is legal. If not, it is child endangerment. As long as 1 adult in the home is half way sober, he can get drunk everyday if he wants. My exes 18 year old daughter was present “and in charge of watching the children” and the discharge of the weapon was “accidental” (he said he was cleaning it, he wasnt he was showing off). Dcf never took the kids from him even when my own daughter ratted him out for beating them butt naked in the shower. Luckily he gave up trying and the girls stay with me full time now.
Unless it is in the child custody agreement that you both are not to be drinking heavily or doing drugs in front of the child, there isn’t much that could have been done and you need to contact a lawyer about you breaking the protective order. If you think his behavior is a danger to the child have the custody agreement changed to include drinking habits and drug use.
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Unless it’s in the custody order that he can’t drink around your son, there is nothing you can do. Also unless it’s putting your son in danger, it’s not your business.
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Dude. Call child protective services. What the fuck do you think they exist for
You can’t get in trouble. You have the order against him. He is the respondent and you’re the petitioner. But what can happen (as it did in my case) is that if you voluntarily put yourself in a position within the OP guidelines, future violations made by him may be discounted.
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You will have to put up with this crap for yrs!
Drinking is not against the law, obviously he was not doing drugs or heavily intoxicated or he would not have called the police to his home. If you were actually worried about your child instead of just what your ex was doing you would have waited for the police to come instead of leaving.
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You should call 911 to get a check on your child. Don’t break the protection order ever.
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I cant see why some peeps are saying she petty n bitter…Any SENSIBLE PARENT i think would do the same and more…who doesn’t want whats best for their child? An lets face it people are stupid naturally…they dont need something to enhance that…especially in society today…and if you only have ur kid a couple days a week…why wouldn’t you want to be at ur best for them or at least coherent…ur kids deserve that at least…I just dont know about some people n what the hell goes through there heads. …no values or morals left in people…
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You can’t go over there with a protective order. Period. The order should outline if and what you can speak about with regards to your child. All other concerns, call the DCF office about your son’s safety and well being. I know that’s hard, we are Mama bears… but you gotta step back and think about the “due process”
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It could go against you because you should have been the one to call the cops. As a mom and worried about safety issues I can understand you wanting to show up and grab him but you have a protective order that you now violated
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In Utah, if you did this you would be in jail. Also if he called the police, he obviously didn’t have anything to hide & felt comfortable enough to have the police come to his home. From the information you provided… sounds like he didn’t do anything wrong, but you did. 
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You need to get a lawyer, if he was drinking while your son is in the home, it’s not illegal but if that’s something you want in the custody agreement then you need to take it back to court. Also, children play both sides. My kids would tell me they hadn’t ate all day, so I would text my ex husbands mom and she would give me a list of everything they ate that day and when I would ask them if they ate such and such, they would laugh because they were lying about not eating just because they wanted McDonald’s.
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Go to court for a custody order and make sure you state that the parent he is with cannot drink while they have your son weither it’s you or the dad that’s how the custody order is with my ex and my 2 kids we aren’t allowed to drink when they are in our custody.
I’m not sure where abouts you live, but in Canada you can get a Police Enforceable court order, if you have been involved in domestic violence as you have said.
So basically what that is, if your ex is withholding your son from you, mistreating him, disrespecting court terms etc, the police will go right to his door, pick him up, and bring him back home to you. I would suggest looking into something like this!!
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Okay first of all, you need to stay away. I’m trying to figure out why you would go over there if there’s a protection order against him.
Next, you went over there based on what other people said, did you actually witness any of this? They said he was drinking and you don’t know what else while your son was asleep on the couch. Did anyone send you a clip of this?
Then you go on to say your son was sleeping on the couch at 3am instead of this bed. Okay and??? Maybe he fell asleep and instead of moving him, he let him sleep there. That’s not a crime. Finally he came hungry and said he hadn’t eaten. Is it possible that he fed your son but it was something that he didn’t want to eat? Or maybe he ate earlier that day and didn’t have anything to eat in a few hours. If you feel that your child is in danger when he’s with his dad, you can have the authorities to do a welfare check.
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Get over him. If the ex wasn’t picking up the child, you’d be complaining about that too.
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Document everything and take him back to court. Get no drinking during visitation in the order.
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Yes you can get in trouble for violating a PO, even if you’re the victim of that PO. If nothing else, you going over there could show the court that you are not in fear of your life and he could petition the courts to drop it entirely. Even if your child was there and you didn’t like where he was sleeping while there, if you felt he were in danger you should have called the police NOT went yourself.
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I had no protection order but i did have to go save my son when hia dad was partying w a bunch of ppl at his house n he was fighting ppl down the street. I snuck in w mh ride in the back alley hia dad qas nowhere to be seen n i qrapped my son in a blanket n brought him back home at 3am. It was supposed to be my night but like hell if i was gonna leave my son in that situation. Cops n ambulance were all over the front lawn n street n snuck him out th3 bac, they didnt even know, his dad didmt even know that inwent there n took him back. I was sooo mad n yelled at him about it the mwxt day. Saying would if somebody just ran off w my won u wouldnt have known. Hes a big alcoholic n has no place in their lives. Doesnt help doesn’t do anything for them.
In state I live in you can be arrested for violating p.o. if was his weekend u & went over to get your kid back u could’ve been charged with interfering child custody or something like that I’d talk to a lawyer
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Do not let your child go over there. If the father has a problem with it he can bring it up in court and explain all of these things to the judge. When you go to court ask for him to only have visitation and no overnights. Obviously he can’t handle having a child there and acting right.
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You should be able to put your son on the protective order with you. I had one against my ex husband because when I was trying to leave things got violent in front of the kids. Because of this they allowed me to put them on the protective order as well.
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You hit. If you came within the the limits of the protective order
Have you never let your son sleep on the couch? Have you never had a drink around your son? If you show up to his house when you have an order on him, that’s on you. If you feel your son is in such turmoil then call local PD. He did, so he probably doesn’t have anything illegal to hide. You need to chill and follow the court orders, if you don’t like them then change the parenting plan and drop the protective order if you feel just fine going to his house.
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You wouldn’t get in trouble for going over but it would void the protection order. Get a lawyer and take him to court. Make sure you have proof of the stuff he’s doing wrong.
I contacted a lawyer about a similar situation. I was told you can’t make him parent like you would. Even if meals are off. Sorry. I know this is tough. I went through it in 2006. Even down to the PPO. Stay strong.
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First of all don’t put anything on the internet that incriminates yourself, like breaking a protection order. If he has proof that you broke it he can have the order dropped. You won’t be arrested or anything but chances of getting another one are slim bc if you’re afraid of him, why’d you go over there? Second, you should of sent an officer out to do a well check. They would go to his house and make sure everything is okay and then report back to you what they found. I wouldn’t take advantage of that though, he is his father. Third, take him back to court if you feel like visits need to be readdressed. Are you able to have him more? You need to have your ducks in a row before you go and I recommend a lawyer. Good luck momma.
Document everything, get a lawyer and do things legally. If he’s putting your son in danger then it won’t be hard to hide. You need to put your personal feelings for your ex aside and do things logically. My husband will get upset when my bonus son is at his mom’s house and they are on the phone talking and she will come in and snap at him for something. I’ve had to remind him that I can’t get mad at her for that because it’s no different at our house and I have to remind him that he needs to be logical. Is she really in the wrong or is he just letting his feelings cloud his judgement.
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