My ex left me for another woman and now wants half custody: Advice?

Definitely go back to court, I WOULD NOT get joint custody! If they’re being abused and he’s abusing his girlfriend, those children definitely don’t need to be there. If CPS was involved that could work in your favor, especially if they were called while at his house. I would take all evidence to court and make damn sure my children didn’t go with him period! He trying to get joint and would end up with supervised visits messing with me. Do everything you can possibly to protect your babies.

Let your children tell the court what goes on over there. He shouldn’t be able to get that.

You need an attorney. Get all records. Also, find a guardian at litem for your kids. They represent your kids and speak on their behalf. Basically your kids lawyer. Keep all texts, emails, etc. Your lawyer can get records you can’t. Be prepared in court.

Get a lawyer!! if the abuse is that bad then stop his access I gave my ex partner 50/50 custody on the grounds that they are not around we have a court order but by mean I would stop all if I have one concern stop contact if u are that concerned and wait till your court hearing to express your concerns hat isn’t good for the children and not good for there mental health

Some states (like Oregon) will not allow joint custody if both parents dont want it . He may not be tryn to prove you unfit … but sounds like you can prove he is in someways . Get a free state appointed lawyer (google legal aid )

You can tell all this to the judge but in the end the judge is the one that will decide on custody. If the children are considered in a endangered environment he won’t get custody. But the judge doesn’t want to hear all the petty reasons why he shouldn’t have custody this doesn’t make you look good either and the judge will also weigh his decision based on that as well. The judge only wants to hear if the child is endangered or not then they will decide on custody. Any other petty things the judge doesn’t care to hear and it could work against you.

Excuse me he abusing his kids get an attorney he might be able to keep him from them

Lawyer up and expect to see a side of him u never expected. Child custody brings out the evil and ugly in people. Good luck

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My experience has been if there’s not some major life change the agreement will stand as is.

I suggest if you can’t afford a lawyer get legal aide…Also you need to get a calendar and write everything I mean everything on that calendar like if he doesn’t pay child support on time or if he doesn’t show up on time for delivery of your children etc.

You are clearly doing 80% off the job raising your children if he can’t be trusted then cut all contact x

Go to leGo to legal aid or pro bono they will help you

You have to prove it unfit and dangerous but most judges want families to have 50/50. You will need a lawyer, but they will already question why you were granted full custody in the first place.

Get a lawyer! Please!!! These kids need to be safe as much as you can!

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I deleted my comment as the post didn’t load properly before and I totally missed the part about the abuse…my apologies

You need a lawyer and as much proof as possible.

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Get childrens services involved now. and document everything.

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Document everything and do not let him take them

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If there is abuse and no schedule, no contact.

Get a lawyer and have cps records subpoenaed for the hearing.

A lawyer and all the proof you can get.

Lawyer now! You wouldnt do much talking she will and they are not cheap but alot will work with you

He has to show cause for the change. I would not be too worried

get a lawyer it was the best decision I ever made. You need to protect yourself and your children.

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Get a lawyer for the kids called a guardian etlitum

The short answer is yes, you NEED a lawyer

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I’ve been through all of this . My advice is get a lawyer if you can and do not bad mouth your ex in front of your children or to authorities because they just see this as mud slinging and it will do you no favour in court none whatsoever. If you have genuine concern about the children staying at their fathers fine but you will need and must have proof because if not the authorities see this as parental alienation so it wouldn’t go in your favour . They will do all the relevant checks on the father anyway . I had everything my ex could throw at me & I had to jump through every hoop going I had every test they asked me to do even down to the final test it was four hours long ( because the ex tried to convince all involved I was a psychopath . Two whole years later and several court hearings later all my results came back positive and on the final hearing the judge said there was nothing to say I couldn’t be a mother to my children . Keep your head high and just stick to what you know and the truth then you will be fine xx

Was he abusing the kids while you all were together? If not, Then it’s not likely he is now.

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Use your kids, I do not care CARE what that donor wants, use the kids, the police involvement, everything, if that man gets half custody because you dont fight tooth and nail to keep them safe then think about what could happen to them because mama isnt around. The man ABUSED them, KEPT them from you out of anger. And who knows what else, the moment abuse was mentioned is the moment you shouldve put your foot down and said “these are my kids and you’re not getting them any longer”

Your first responsibility is to keep your children safe, please do that , you have any proof of all this being it to court and get an attorney you don’t want to handle this alone, wish you the best of luck

It his child? Does he abuse the said child? If the answers are no then there is nothing that can be done. Been there done that. It’s just as much his child as yours no matter who did the infidelity. Just because you are he mom doesn’t give you more rights than the dad. They have just as much as you do.

Slap child support on him

Document everything.

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Always get a lawyer. Bring all evidence he’s unfit.

Lawyer, like yesterday.

This will be an easy win for a halfway decent lawyer.

Yes, a lawyer for sure. If you can’t afford one, the court can appoint one for free. Also request a court appointed lawyer for your kids as well.

Dont worry. He won’t get it

Get a good lawyer and gather up any kind of evidence of the abuse as much as you can

Having a lawyer is always a good thing in these cases. Any evidence you have against him will also help. Also, maybe get the kiddos into a therapist? If they’ve witness abuse in his household it will benefit them, but, if the judge allows it, it can also help your case against him. they could also attest to the effect the kids have/had being around it and what they’ve witnessed and it could help prove it’s an unfit environment for them.

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yes get a good lawyer and gather all the evidence you have proving its not a safe environment for your children

Get a lawyer govto court … the truth will come out and any reasonable judge won’t grant him anything since you’ve already won sole custody.

Yes absolutely get a lawyer. Document every interaction. Get proof of the condition of his home somehow. You need every bit of evidence you can possibly get. I know this is hard hun, but protecting your babies is worth it. Been there done that with mine. I wish you luck as well.

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Lawyer up. Stay strong. Document everything. Vocicemails text letters whatever including pictures.

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Get a lawyer and refuse joint custody. Document everything. Every police report, voicemails, texts everything. Dont give up

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Get a lawyer and get copies of all issues with cps

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Get a lawyer and if he has domestic violence charges they most likely won’t give him joint custody. He most likely doesn’t want to pay child support and won’t have to if he keeps the children half the time which is how it really should be unless they’re not safe at his home.

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Omg get a lawyer asap!!!

Put the kids into counselling and therapy and get reports from them also stating they do not want to reside with the dad.

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You definitely want a lawyer, but the chances of him getting any sort of unsupervised visitation or custody if he and his partner have CPS involvement is basically non-existent, especially since his history with the kids is so patchy and courts tend to favor mothers in general. Also, make sure you bring the police reports from him withholding the children out of spite, and your lawyer will probably get some sort of statement from the CPS case or worker, if possible.

I wouldn’t worry about it,unless he’s hobnobbing the judge??? it’ll never happen.

Get a lawyer. You should never go through any of these by yourself, you need proper legal advice and representation. It’s the best way to go… Trust me

Tell your judge to look up the story of Thomas Valva from LI, NY. That poor boy and his brothers were neglected and abused by there so called father, who had shared custody and was an NYPD officer. Thomas died of hypothermia on the floor of his father’s garage after being forced to sleep there in sub zero temps in the dead of winter with no clothing or blankets. And that’s just the tip of the abuse that kid and his brothers endured. So unless you want the same fate for your children, you better get a lawyer and fight this pos.

Request that he have supervised visitation

I would definitely get a lawyer, especially with the abuse and CPS being involved. He doesn’t need them 1/2 the time and really sounds like his visitation needs to be supervised

He can’t file for legal custody for a certain period of time after it was awarded to you. I know in GA that is 3 years. So depending on where you are and how long its been, he legally may not be able to file for custody. He abandoned you and your children. There’s been police involvement and cps involvement, probably not much you have to worry about with him seeking joint custody.

I dont know you ir your situation but sounds like you need a lawyer. Courts are sympathetic to both parents.

Get a lawyer just to be safe, it’s always a good idea to have a lawyer. I don’t think he’ll get joint custody, not with abuse and CPS involved.

Get all your paperwork together all the proof if you have text messages even better also all cps and cop involvement papers reports all that and get a lawyer if you can always have a paper trail with time and date and saying what happen

I would definitely hire a lawyer. Also make sure that you pay that lawyer before anything. If a lawyer has to work to get his/ her money owed out of you…he/ she is not going to work as hard for you in a court room.

When we were in a similar situation after having custody of our two sons for 10 years and did not receive any court ordered child support from my husband’s ex-wife.
She decided she wanted custody of one of the boys…not both and she also wanted child support. Granted at this time when. She took us back to court the boys were 17&15. She wanted custody of the 17 year old.
We hired our lawyer and we told him…we would rather pay him then to pay her one penny.
We paid our lawyer bills in full as soon as we received the bills.
And our lawyer worked his bum off and buried her lawyer. We had to pay her…but it was only $17 per month. :rofl:

Get a lawyer and throw that sucker to the curb. He shouldn’t get the kids on his terms. As a matter of fact he should put all three of the them through collage and not grumble at all. Also take this opportunity to have.him visit the kid under supervision that will kick his unfaithful ass.

They’re half his, it’s hard I’ve been there but they need their dad too.

Have a lawyer AND request a Guardian Ad Litem for the children…they will do a study of both homes, interview the kids and offer a report of findings to the Judge…best way to go. (I was a child abuse/neglect investigator years ago :wink: )

Were you guys married? Custody agreement should have been in divorce decree. If not whatever legal document u have stating that you have sole legal custody should stand up in court if it’s from the courts. If he wants to pursue joint custody he has to file a petition to amend whatever document you have that states u have legal custody. So he has to make the first move if u have legal custody. Once he does that you will get a court date and that is when u will need a lawyer to present your reasons why the current legal sole custody is still in the best interest of the children. Also something to consider is just because u have sole legal custody doesn’t mean he won’t get visitation he just won’t get to make decisions on their behalf. If there is evidence of abuse the visitations will start at the courthouse or wherever the court designates with a neutral supervisor appointed by the court to watch over him while he visits the children. After some time with supervised visitation if those visits go well then the supervisor can suggest unsupervised visitation which will be gradual. It’s a whole process. He should know that any missed payments for child support will reflect badly on him during any time he is under supervised visitation. Something else to think about is the time you will need to get off work in order to bring the children to the supervised visits. So it will be a long drawn out process.

Lawyer up. Document everything and hopefully you have documentation of all the reasons you feel it’s unsafe etc. Also, get your kids in therapy if they’re not.

Document EVERYTHING. If you’ve already been granted sole custody I don’t see him having a leg to stand on in court. Definitely get a lawyer ASAP though.

If the children are being abused and there is hostility in his home I would bring that up. I highly doubt he will be granted custody considering it’s been granted to you. Of the kids have mentioned they don’t like being at their fathers house because of the abuse and hostility I would bring that up as well. And yes always have a lawyer present. If you want to go to the extreme and say that you don’t want him around your kids period you would to prove him unfit and a threat to your children which it sounds like won’t be hard because you have cps reports and documentation of police involvement. Honestly I’d keep him away from your kids

Get a lawyer!!! With everything that’s happened you’re going too need one the children with be court appointed their own lawyer they will also talk with you about everything. Tell them everything they will be able too get the cps records ect. Don’t take this lightly

Get a lawyer. You need one. Hopefully everything goes your way.

Get supervised visits and KEEP A JOURNAL OF EVERYTHING

Document everything! Have proof of everything. Prayers to you & yours.

Always get a lawyer these things can get messy

Girl let him he will bring them back. Let him see what all you have to do.

First off, if your children are telling you about the abuse from their dad and the dynamics of the other relationship… id think twice before saying okay to joint custody. Save texts, take screenshots, collect police/CPS reports, have a paper trail for when yall show up in court and he starts fighting you for custody. Also deff get a lawyer, look into pro-bono lawyers too if finances are an issue. Good luck!

Get them to a therapist that can and will testify in court, make sure you ask that they can! Some have company policies where they don’t allow them to even write a statement. If you do get an attorney, also get your kids a guardian ad litem, the judge will take what they say seriously as they are an unbiased party strictly there to look into the kids wellbeing. If you haven’t already, begin documenting everything they say, every time he withholds or anything like that, get your hands on the police reports from when they’ve gotten involved. You’ve got this! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Get a lawyer its gonna be ugly. Trust me I’m like over 6 grand deep

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Regardless what he did to you they are still his kids. Unless the kids are in danger you should be allowing them to have a relationship with their father and allowing joint custody. It’s not about you or him. It’s about the kids

He would be shit outta luck

You will definitely need a lawyer. Be prepared to give up half of the time if there’s no proof of abuse.

You don’t need an attorney! Washington is a mother state.

Get a lawyer! And keep a detailed list of what’s going on. Events, times, etc.