Reread your post. It says alot about you and where your priorities lay and its definitely not with being a loving mother to her children. Your ex is dead on 100% with how he called it.
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I understand you need some time to unwind, but your children need that time with you. Money is very tight as it is, so, maybe figure out something else. Even if it is a lunch date.
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You give up your āme timeā when you decided to have kids basically. Sounds like you donāt have them much as it isā¦ me personally I wouldnāt be able to breathe or look at myself in the mirror if I couldnāt have my kids with meā¦ 
to each their own thou! Not trying to judge but you need to put your children first. Thatās what a parent does!
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Itās common women doing this
ā¦having time out for awhile and getting themselves feeling better first
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My mom told me once you have kids date nights donāt exist anymore and that youāre supposed to take the kiddos with you on those outings. Date nights are much needed to reconnect with your spouse or s/o or even a bestie. They donāt happen often and its a much needed short break from being a parent for a couple hours.
I donāt think your a bad mom. However I have two kids and before covid closed my place of business I worked all night and still had too be a mother. I get āme timeā when they sleep if I want too sacrafice my own sleep lol. I go out maybe once a year and itās usually a date or something. I go grocery shopping and have there grandma stay with them. I get that the life you have may feel overwhelming too you and you probably feel like you need a break. Your constantly working and when u do have your kids u are a mom full time. But bc u asked for advice Iām going too give it too you. He has more custody of your kids. If he didnāt you wouldnāt be paying child support. Be mindful of that. These are your children and your very lucky your getting them as much as u do. My sister was not so lucky. Shed give almost anything too be in your situation. So maybe think of your kids before you think of that me time. I promise you that you would rather have them and they would be hurt too have even one night taken from them. They already have too split there time with you v
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So pay the ex more child support if your giving up more of your time . Seems fair . Not to the kids who probably want to see their motherā¦
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You donāt have your kids 5 days of the week and you want even more time apart from them for dates?
Yikes.
Your work canāt take the hit because you need to survive, so sure letās have the kids take the hit. I mean what could go wrong there?
Its not like time with their mother effects a child right for the rest of their life or anything!?
Holy shit. I hate to be judgemental against women, especially moms since we get enough of that. I build up and donāt tear down. But I think Iāll make an exception to that today.
You are absolutely ridiculous.
My kids are grown now but I would have never wanted time away from them when they were little. You chose to become a mother and that doesnāt mean just when itās convenient for you to be one. Kids grow up fast and then you can have yourāmeā time. You should be enjoying the time you have with them since you donāt have them all the time to begin with. Once your a mom the kids come first.
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To the op I hope you saw my comment in the other group you posted in what I said still stays the same nothing wrong with wanting a social life outside your children
Sorry I would work around a night to myself on the nights I didnāt have my children. Maybe take some vacation time at work or request a half day off and have some me time then. My kids dad works a ton of hours. On his days off he gets 2 days a week. He gets his āme timeā while the kids are at work. Or he will schedule to close on days where kids arenāt in school and will spend time with them. Itās about balance. You donāt probably get to see them that much. Just remember they are only little once. They are also going to remember those visits. They are also going to remember not spending time with you and may grow to resent you. I personally would sacrifice my āmeā time on the days off I have and enjoy every minute I can with my kids. If you seriously need me time work it in when your kids are with their daddy
Also I have my kids every day all the time. I put my kids down about 7:30/8. Once they fall asleep I will take a nice bath with a bath bomb, use a face max, read on my kindle, drink a glass of wine. All that stuff can be done while you have your kids and still have some time to yourself. If you want to go out with friends do it on the days after work. Like this Friday a bunch of us at work are going to be meeting up for dinner. We are going a little early so I worked it to where my parents will pick them up and keep them from 5:30-6 so I can go to dinner with my coworkers at 5. I just started my job so Iām trying to build relations in a group of ladies who have all been together for sometime. Balance. Itās all about balance.
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Maybe some people are not real mothers. Raising children is not a part-time affair.
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If u work 2 jobs then yes u should have a night to urself, how many days do u have them? And for all the moms who r mad, men do it why canāt woman
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Welcome to being a parent! Be an adult and schedule your life around your kids instead of dismissing them. Hire a sitter for 2 hours or whatever for your ādatesā. Your kids will remember you rejecting them and probably grow to resent you. Like someone else said, find the balance. Dont push kids away.
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Youāre entitled to have a life besides kids and work. No question. But donāt you only have your kids on your days off?
Which would be āgenerallyā two out of the 7 days.
Wouldnāt you be able to carve the time to date or have āmeā time the other five days you donāt have them?
Iām a mom. My kids come first. Before everything. (Except my job as I have to put food on the table) but I personally would feel horrible for making other plans the few times I got to see them.
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Your priorities arent straight. Kids come first always. Then me time comes. Focus on working and spending more time with your kids. Take the time to connect with your kids. Dating should fall on your time when u dont have your kids.
Kids grow up so fast
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For me, I donāt blame you for wanting time to yourself but your time with kids is time with kids. Youād donāt have full custody so you should be taking all the time you can get. Your kids will look back at this and remember you dropping them off back with dad cause you didnāt wanna spend time with them.
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No, it doesnāt make you a bad mom but you should get some āme timeā and meet someone/go on dates on your days where you donāt have your kids.
When you have your kids, that should be your time with them and only them- everything else can wait.
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Iām sure dad also needs time for himself and more so since he has the kids more but if you spend all your time off with the kids you can maybe give up one of those days you do have the right to redo your like and meet someone
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Your life starts again when your children are raised. You had them. They didnt ask to be brought into this world.
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You will regret the time you give away. Your kids donāt care what colour lounge suite you have, but that you spent time with them when not working two jobs. Motherhood is sacrifice, and trust me they will seek another female soon enough that does have time for them.
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So when does the father get me time then? Assuming he has them every day during the week because you left them with him because you didnāt want to take them out of their school
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Donāt they live with him and you only have them a few nights?
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So youāre doing exactly the same thing lots of non custodial dads do but everyone bitches about and calls them bad fathers for it doesnāt make you a bad mom but it does make you a shitty person imo. You donāt have them full time, only on your days off and you now want LESS time with them so you can get your groove onā¦you canāt do that on any of the many other nights you donāt have them? Sad af for them kids. If I were him, I would be angry too and wouldnāt sugar coat your reasons to them either. Theyāll realize soon enough whoās about the and white isnātā¦you arenāt and I hope it doesnāt hurt them too much when they figure that out themselves someday 
Ummm. Why give time up with your kids to party, when you donāt even have them full time? Unacceptable!
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Seems like you want the single , free to mingle, no kids lifeā¦you have been separated for less than six months and you already ready to ditch your kids for a guyā¦
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Wow 
Mums donāt get to put ourselves/needs/wants before our kids!!!
But since youāre clearly only a āpart time parentā your selfishness is disgusting and you need to reevaluate your priorities! #Smdh
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I was a single mom for the year after my son was born and I never got a minute of peace. Now that Iām married I still donāt have that. Now maybe once a month to have a free night would be acceptable but you could always get a babysitter. I donāt blame him for saying you need to spend time with your kids. If it were the other way around you would be calling him out just the same
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Does the father also work? and does he also go on dates? - As it sounds like youāve got it pretty sweet (no offense) - Iād suggest you keep the kids over night and go on dates while kids at their Dads. And vice versa. (As its only been 6mths since you both separated). (Kids maybe feeling lost and confused). Put them 1st. You wonāt regret it. 
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LMAO girl u selfish as hell. U barely see ur boys cause ur soooo busy. 
leave them kids alone if u arenāt willing to put in 100%. They better off.
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When Iām at work all I think about my kidsā¦ I feel like I canāt breath without them. I donāt understand you
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So youāre working 2 jobs to pay him child support and only have them a couple nights. Hmmmā¦ Thatās strange to me. Why not have equal time, no child support. You will not have a great bond with your kids.
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Sounds to me like you need to get your priorities straight Iām not gonna say youāre a bad mom but you obviously need to do some reevaluating on what is important. You donāt even have your kids all the time yet you need āMe Timeā but yet dad has them majority of the timeā¦ youāre kids need you know more than ever. This is new to them as well. Quit thinking about yourself and think about what those kids are going through
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Imagine how your kids will feel that you prefer āme timeā over them ? Them poor kids they are gonna resent you so much for not wanting to spend time with them.
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In my opinion yes. Youāll get āmeā time when your kids are 18. How can you not want them every second you can??? I donāt understand that!!! And you want a date night instead of being with your kidsā¦just wrong!!!
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The impression you may be giving your kids right now is that they are not a priority in your life at all. And you may just regret it at some point. Also, kids need a routine and they need to know on which days they will be spending time with you as well as which nights they will be sleeping over. Not knowing, may cause them to feel anxious and unsettled as your seperation is also very ānewā. If you had equal time with your kids, only in that case, I think, you may ask for a night off occasionally (maybe once a month or once every second month). But, this is not the situation at all, and you only see your kids for a couple of nights. The natural thing for any parent is to WANT to spend every possible minute you can get with them and extra time as well. Why would you choose āme timeā and ādate nightsā over your kidsā¦ this is incredibly sad and selfish. Why not arrange a date night on the nights that they sleep at their dadās. Everything that is secondary should ideally be scheduled around your kids and not the other way around. Does your ex work? Kids grow up so quickly, you missing out on valuable time with your kids by prioritizing your social life, consequential your kids may feel confused and unwanted. Do you really want this for them? Equal time with your kids and a scheduled date night / free time could be the only solution. No surprises for the kids they need to know in advance on which days they will be spending time with you and your ex.
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So you have them what possibly 2 nights a week? At a push. And your more concerned about date nights and you time?
Iām sorry but if you were a dad everyone would be ripping into you.
A parent is a parent. Give your head a wobble and be a parent. You wonāt get the time back with your kids and if you dont have a good relationship when they are young and make that effort they wonāt be making it when they are older
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So let me get this straight ā¦you left them, barely have them as you work two jobs, and now want to go out or have āme timeā so are trying to give them back even sooner?
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I think question here is does dad work as many hrs and have two jobs also. If your both flat out and juggling childcare 50/50 then your both entitled to a break for dating etc.
If dads doing more childcare and hardly get break for dating etc. Same apllys to you
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Imagine how much of a shit dad heād be if the roles was reversed 
Shit like this baffles me I could not imagine not having my son 24/7
I have my daughter 24 hours a day, canāt even get a bath without her being there and youāre complaining about not having a date night. You might want to think about growing up a bit. If this was the dad heād get slaughtered. Those kids are as much your responsibility as his.
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Me time is that 5 mins you get for a shower before the child wakes up and asks to play with the shampoo bottles and make āpotionsā.
Youve not even been separated for a year and you want to date instead of seeing your kids?
You should be asking for more time not less. Youāve only just been seeing them over night and now you want to cut that short so you can play like that you donāt have kids? Iām not surprised heās moaned about you. Heās rasing the kids alone
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It doesnāt sound as if you spend much time with them as it isā¦
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YES you are a horrible mom
Youāre ex is 100% correct
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Iād be pissed off if I were the dad too. Imagine if this was the other way around.
Your children donāt live with you, and now you want to sacrifice the time you have with them, for yourself? Donāt you get that considering they donāt live with you? You can come home after work and just take care of YOU. Your ex doesnāt get that privilege. Iād get my priorities in order if I were you, cause you might find in years to come, your kids donāt want to come over and youāll have all the āmeā time in the world.
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Fuck child support, work one jobā¦ The one you prefer. Take your kids 3/4 times a week overnight. 50/50 parenting. I have 50/50 with my two children and I can work and have a boyfriend.
Think everyone needs to get of their high horses though! You all complain you donāt have time to scatch your asses in private.
If she was a dad this would be so exceptable 
Listen if you were still married and had your kids living with you no one on here wouldāve had a bad thing to say if you needed āme timeā or ādate nightā but damnit you only have your children for one night every so often so why make that less??? Have āme timeā and ādate nightsā when they are with their dad, search for a better paying job so you donāt have to work two jobsā¦ there is options and opportunities in life, you will find them if you are looking for them! Hereās another thing youāve been separated all but 5 months and your talking date nights??? Are you serious? Your kids are still raw and confused over this and your already looking for a man to replace their father in your life? In this situation it sounds like their dad has his shit a lot straighter than you right nowā¦ get your head on straight, put your big girl panties on and woman up!
I mean as a mum the idea of a break is pretty amazing but I couldnāt go longer than a day without my kids, loads of parents work full time and have their kids home, thereās not much stopping you having them whenever you arenāt workingā¦ Your kids need their mum as much as they need their dad, itās a bit selfish you told him you want āyouā time to go out dating, he probably didnāt need to know that! My me time is when the kids are in bed and I go in the bathā¦
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Wow! Look I get everyone needs me time but you seem to have plenty of time without your kids already. If your ex wants me time can he drop them back off with you on his days? I didnāt think so. I think you may be consumed with yourself and lost focus that your kids should be first. If date night is that important to you then do it on a work night. Thatās what a parent does.
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I would never Iām a million years do that sounds like you dont See your boys much as it is if your paying him child support! Children are not little for long you will never get this precious time back with them. Yes you are selfish put your children before yourself like a good mother does they will remember who was always there for them when they are older you have to make the most of it.
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What? Ladyā¦wtf is wrong with you!! I left my oldest son with his dad because it was a safer environment for him when we splitā¦If I wasnāt working I was with my kid and his dad. ***hardest thing I had to do was leave him after our time was up. I did this on repeat every day for a year. Until finally I got a safe place to stay. Honestly you make my stomach turn.
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Like for real I just vomited in the sinkā¦
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Clearly theyāre not a priority at all.
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I have my children every day accept Saturday when their grandparents take them. My oldest is not my boyfriendās but I still managed to meet someone. You donāt have your kids 24/7 so whatās wrong with you having a lunch date with someone while their at their dads? Iām sure you get lunch break from work.
Youād rather not see your kids so you can seek out some dick? 
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Omg! This post is so gross on so many levels.
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I couldnāt imagine not having my boys! I have 4 who I live for unconditionally. I work too never get anytime to myself. If Iām not at work I have my boys. My time can wait until they are adultsā¦ I honestly wouldnāt have it any other way! Once they are adults you canāt get that time back again!
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If you had your children more you probably wouldnāt need to pay child support which cancels out the second job, youād have more time for yourself and your children. Dads the full time parent, heās the one that should be asking you for a break. Imagine how he feels, full time dad and the deadbeat moms asking for more time away from the kids. Social times great but donāt plan your kids around it, plan it around your kids.
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Honestly if you want me time which is completely understandable. It is your job to higher a sitter or ask ur parents to watch them for u for a bit. Im a single full time mom and my boyfriend has two boy. God do our boys fight with each other or us and drive us insane. But if we want a weekend to just focus on us which is important. We ask our parents to take my son on a night we dont have the boys. And pick. Him up the next day if we are out late. Son gets a sleep over with his fav granny and we get some much needed space. But its not something we. Do alot. Maybe once every other month
I see this differently I think from reading commentsā¦ she said she has them on her nights offā¦and wants a night to herselfā¦ whatās so wrong with that? Iāve been a single mum for years, kids went to dadās every second weekendā¦he worked but also got a free weekend without the kidsā¦ I got a partner who had his kids every second weekend, happened to be the weekend I didnāt have my kidsā¦heād get mad if I didnāt stay home with him and his kidsā¦I wanted to do my own thing as it was the only time I didnāt have to work or have my childrenā¦ everyone needs some time to themselves whether itās for dating,self care, socializing or doing nothingā¦ before I used to just have my kids 24/7 and was resentful the dad got time to himself even if it was him at work
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Stop thinking of āMEā so much & be a MOTHER. Your time will come when your kids are older. Good grief I have someone in my family just like you & it makes me sick to see her thinking itās ALL ABOUT ME.
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So basically youāre living the life of most menā¦and this is what o told someone explaining of women who do what men do sometimesā¦just leave the kids alone going in and out of their life is toxic
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If you donāt have them 50/50 thatās not really fair to your your childās father as he should have the same amount of time off as you imoā¦if you only have them on your days off thatās definitely not 50/50. Dating can wait. Children are only little for so long. As per my perspective I have my son Sunday - Friday night and his dad has him Friday and Saturday night and if he ever tried to get out of either of those nights I would go crazy!
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Every mother wants āme timeā but it seems like you spend limited time with your children to begin with. Your children should always come first. Mother first, woman last has always been my motto.
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You can have your me time after they go to bed. The last thing Iād want to do is make my kids go back home when they donāt even live with me, and I agree- (esp if youāre not divorced yet) that meeting someone on purpose should be the furthest thing from your mind.
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Instead of dropping off your kids early try taking the time off work at the same time when you donāt have your kids or better yet get a babysitter. If you hardly have the kids now donāt make it any less.
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I have mixed feelings about this oneā¦yes you need time to yourself to rechargeā¦dating should be the last thing on your mind with kidsā¦ but Iād be careful not keeping them so he doesnāt accuse you of not wanting them. Your kids should always come first but I agree you need time to get yourself together too
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you had plenty of time to yourself and are still only parenting half time. work on yourself and taking care of your kids before you bring somebody else into the mix girl
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If it was a man asking, we would rip him apart. No, you donāt have ātime for yourselfā as long as you have kidsā¦and you barely have them it looks like.
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I think it depends on who has them mostā¦I mean if you only have them 2 nights then in my opinion you should be using that time with just your kids!!
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Me time? I dont get me time. I work and go home to my kids. Iām sorry but you wonāt get no sympathy from me or any other mother.
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Iām a single motherās my daughters dad lives in another state. I get āmeā time when my mom takes her for a couple hours here and there but my daughter has always come first: I do make time for myself and self care but I never would ever want her to be with her dad more just to have more time to my self. My kid is my world. I figured out dating once the time was right but it was rare until I met my dude
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It sounds like they live with dad and youāre wanting to cut your time you have back more? Yes, kids should come first. Have date nights on dadās nights.
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Iām on his side. You are a mother and honestly you should have them moreā¦so what you donāt want them staying the night at all? Your kids will resent you when they are older. Grow up.
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Iām a single mom of 2 and work full time. My son hasnāt gone with his dad in years they dont have a great relationship and my daughter hasnāt gone with him in 3 maybe 4 years. My break is when Iām at work and Iām ok with that. Iād rather spend my āmeā time with them when I get it.
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Well first of all you stated you have kids whom you rarely see because of having two jobs and paying child support and barely making ends meet, YES I feel you would want to see your kids first before you start dating or have time for yourself but like you said you never have time so how would you have time to date or time for yourself when you can barely see your kids. Seems odd to me.
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I agree with dad. Itās not fair to the kids. Stay up an extra few hours after they go to bed for your me time. Thats what many of us who have our kids all the time do. You can read, soak in the tub, watch your TV shows, or whatever else you do for me time when theyāre asleep. In this situation, going out for a date isnāt a good enough reason to lose time with your kids. How much me time do you think dad is getting while having the kids all the time? Probably not much. I would be angry too
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Every mom deserves to have a break & Me time regardless of the situation
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Perhaps you should find one job that will pay you enough to make ends meet. If you cannot, this might be a good time to enroll in school and find a career. You only have your kids part of the time, and should be able to have you time on your days off. But yes. He is a schmuck for making you feel like that. Or rather you are a schmuck for allowing him to. The Ex is an ex for a reason
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First off my kids would have went with me no matter what. Not wanting to change schools is a poor excuse. Maybe you should have tried getting a place in the same district. However, since you chose to leave your kids behind, make time with them when you have them. Those kids didnāt ask to come into this world, and youāre their mother, act like one. Dating shouldnāt even be on your mind yet, but if you think you need another man in your life, then do it on the nights you donāt have your kids . Grow up and make time for your kids. SMH
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Well when you have kids sometimes we have to sacrifice a few things ā¦ idk Iād chose to see my kids over anything but thatās just me
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As a full time mom Iād love to have time to myself 
but thatās not realistic you made the choice to have kids if you wanted me time then either wait until they are 18 or old enough to sleep out or do it when you donāt have them I have mine 24/7 lol litteraly I stay up late when they are asleep for me time and so I can shower itās not their fault you guys split up you donāt think they want to spend the time they get with you with you and wake up to their mom ā¦ Instead you want to baby sit your own kids so you can go out when you can do that after work when you donāt have them who cares if your tired my mom was a single mom working 3 jobs and still managed to have her time and work and be a full time mom ā¦ I donāt parent shame and i am not bashing you I think you just might be being a bit selfish and not putting your kids first ā¦
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Date night? Me time? Wtf is that?! Parenting means making sacrifices. Sounds like you have plenty of time since you donāt even have them 24/7. Two jobs or not, thereās time. You are only getting them on your days off.
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Absolutely not. If this was a man all the responses would be different. You have every right to have a date night on occasion, you have every right for a night of down time. Having kids does not mean you lose every part of yourself.
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When the children donāt live with you anytime you can give them is important .It sounds like maybe now that you are ready to move on the children are a problem.
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Sorry but the kids donāt live with you. I can understand wanting more time to yourself on your days off so you can date or take a bath or whatever BUT the kids donāt live with you. Time with them is precious. I am a full time mom with a full time job. I get my ONLY break when my kids go to their dadās one weekend a month (his choice) and I wouldnāt change that for the world. Seriously, those are YOUR kids that you already have limited time with and you want to limit it more so you can take a bath? It wonāt hurt you to do so after work. Seriously, your kids come first
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There is no way that a man would havw my kids no matter the situation. I have 7 kids and work full time. And I am single. I never go out or anything. I had kids, so being a mom is my job. Nothing is more important.
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If you only have your kids part time as it is then I would take them any chance I got. I would have me time when I donāt have the kids not make extra days where I donāt see them
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Reading the story, kids live with Father, Mother has kids two days a weekā¦ Mother your social life is when kids are with Father period
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Take care of yourself first. Everybody needs some time for themselves. You are a human being first, you also are an employee, mom whatever. First you are you. There is nothing wrong with sending the kids back to their father.
You are paying child support because the kids donāt live with you. Thatās enough.
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I dont see how a mother who is capable of having her kids, doesnāt. Thatās my two cents
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Do you think itās the kids fault they donāt get to spend time with their mother? Iām sure they cry and miss you and want you in their livesā¦Iām sorry, but when you chose to have kids you already accepted the duties it comes with for spending time with them. So in all fairness, yes, I think that makes you a bad mother to think of yourself first instead of themā¦they didnāt think about you till you made them
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Yesā¦your kids should come first. They are your priorities. You have make them. The little time you do have should be special with them. Iām not bashing you. I see or understand you work hard but you made a life choice in having them kids and itās your responsibility and duty to them as A Mother
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Just reiterating hereā¦ if your children live with their father and you only have them on your days off, there are 0 reasons you should be giving them back on those nights because you want me time/date night. Yes, time to yourself is important, but if youāre barely seeing your kids as it is, what does that say about you? Thereās plenty of me time to be had after work when theyāre with their father.
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When you decided to have kids, you made the commitment to put them before yourself. Thatās what moms do.
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Some of us only have our kids 50% of the time and would give our right arm for more time.
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You have plenty of me time when you do not have your kids? Iām sure your ex would also like his āme timeā when you are supposed to be having your time with the children. It isnāt fair to your boys or your ex. You need to pull your share of the responsibility.
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First off, whoās looking to date during a pandemic? Second, If you only have your kids a couple nights a week, seems like youād have plenty of me time on the days/nights they are with their dad. Plan your āme timeā around those days. And thirdly, if you canāt handle the little time you do have them, maybe giving their dad full custody would suit you & give you all the free time you want, but that comes with a hefty price tag - the love of your children. You ready to lose that for a date night or bath? IMO, you are being selfish. Pretty soon they will grow up & wonāt want to stay with you. Enjoy every minute while you can
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I wake up at 5am for me time 
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